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About East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current | View Entire Issue (April 7, 2018)
VIEWPOINTS Saturday, April 7, 2018 East Oregonian Page 5A No spring break from dad jokes D aughter Annie and wife Cindy recently took a trip to Europe for ten days during spring break. They, along with a couple dozen other students, parents and grandparents from our community, visited Dresden, Krakow, Prague, Budapest and other cities in addition to a sobering visit to the former concentration camp Auschwitz. Son Willie and I did not even consider tagging along. Besides already being perpetually late in our springtime farm work, Willie perhaps accurately observed, “Our ancestors all left Europe for North America 130-some years ago; why would I want to go back?” Ah yes, a chip off the old homebound, provincial block. Upon returning home, Cindy exhibited symptoms of jet lag — to which I queried, “If you had flown in a propeller-driven plane, would you still suffer from jet lag?” Nobody laughed at my amateurish attempt at humor, but it did prompt a break for the rest of the family from my interminable discussion (they called it a monologue) relating some of my personal favorite questions, anecdotes, and axioms. More than 30 years ago, one of my best friends commented that he’d rather “have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.” Though I’ve never experienced the latter, the former has proven to be enjoyable on numerous occasions. On a somewhat related topic, I’m reminded of my favorite story concerning one of the most important figures of the last century, former English Prime Minister Winston Churchill. While attending a party at which Sir Winston had apparently helped drain a bottle or two, a woman accosted him by saying, “Sir, you are drunk.” Without missing a beat the accused responded, “Yes, madam, and you are ugly; but in the morning I’ll be sober.” No wonder he won a Nobel Prize. While I was in college, I worked at a pizza parlor. As I was rolling the cutter across the fresh pie, I sometimes thought of Yogi Berra and the waitress who inquired, “Mr. Berra, would you like your pizza cut into four or eight slices?” His reply? “You’d better make it four. I don’t think I can eat eight.” My favorite uncle’s favorite Yogi-ism was a story about Berra attending a ceremony on a sultry summer day. Dressed in a dapper outfit, Yogi drew a compliment from an equally well-dressed lady who said, “You look cool in that suit, Yogi.” His immediate response was, “Thanks, you don’t look so hot yourself.” All kidding aside, I have gleaned some sage advice over the years from varied and sundry sources ranging from employers to educators, neighbors to family and too many witticisms from friends to even begin to accurately catalog. No one is ever totally worthless — for you can always serve as a bad example. Public email for public business thorn in the department’s side. To be fair, there’s no reason to believe ack in 2016, when transparency in that members of the education board are Oregon government was all the rage, conspiring in personal email exchanges. state agencies were reminded of some Charles Martinez, the chairman of the basic tenets of open government. Among board of education, told The Oregonian/ them: Public employees and officials should OregonLive Editorial Board that members use their state-provided email accounts for don’t use email much beyond routine public business. If they had to use their matters, instead reserving discussions for personal email, they should copy the message public meetings. to their public accounts as soon as possible. At the same time, there’s no reason that This was more than just an idle education board members should be using recommendation. With the resignation of personal accounts in the first place. They all former Gov. John Kitzhaber amid allegations have state-issued email accounts through — since confirmed with his recent settlement which the public expects them to conduct with the Oregon Government their work as members of the Ethics Commission — of misusing board of education. That’s Public his public office for personal Records 101, as State Archivist Chances gain, Oregonians learned just Mary Beth Herkert noted. If they how opaque Oregon government must use a private email, they are the is. Some of the evidence against should immediately copy the board of record to their official accounts Kitzhaber and his fiancée Cylvia Hayes, whose own state ethics they can be retained and education where case is ongoing, came from emails preserved. Otherwise, how is isn’t the they sent from private accounts the agency supposed to keep that few in the public knew even custody and ensure retention if only existed. such messages are in the control Unfortunately, even with such one still of Gmail or an internet service clear-cut examples of the need to provider? allowing conduct public business on public In fact, the state Department of email, the calls for transparency widespread Administrative Services reinforced haven’t always stuck. The Oregon that protocol as part of a model use of Board of Education is a case in records management policy it point. issued in 2016. State agencies, private The board, charged with setting including the Oregon Department emails. educational policy for the state’s of Education, adopted versions by K-12 system, includes seven October of that year. voting members appointed by Unfortunately, adopting a the governor and two non-voting policy isn’t the same as ensuring members representing the secretary of state it’s followed. and state treasurer. They are public officials Chances are the board of education serving on a public body that is subject to isn’t the only one still allowing widespread Oregon’s open meetings and records laws use of private emails. As The Oregonian/ and have a duty to retain and make accessible OregonLive revealed three years ago, elected its records. officials and employees throughout state But as a recent email showed, Oregon government routinely used private accounts Department of Education staff sent materials rather than their state emails to handle public for an upcoming meeting to members’ business. personal or work accounts — not the state The next step should be for agencies to accounts that the department opened in their evaluate how faithfully they are adhering names. The only member who received to these best practices. The Department of education-board materials at her education- Administrative Services should also assess board email account was Kim Sordyl, the their compliance. Provided that transparency is still the goal. secretary of state’s designee and a perennial The Oregonian/OregonLive B One of my earliest bosses (when I was about 14 or so) told me, “No one is ever totally worthless — for you can always serve as a bad example.” There was a veiled compliment there somewhere, I believe. A favorite teacher had a sign above the exit to our Industrial Arts building that read, “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop.” Now those are words by which to live! I’m not sure that creative and productive physical activity can solve all of our collective problems — but it’s an awfully good start. I would postulate that the crime rate among peoples and societies whose primary focus is pursuit of food and shelter and whose waking hours consist primarily of work (Maynard Krebs’ least favorite four-letter word) is much lower than it is for those of us who are fortunate enough to live in “evolved and advanced” circumstances wherein work is only performed as a necessary evil to pay for all the fun stuff we do on weekends and evenings. Speaking of enlightened or fully developed nations like our own reminds me of an axiom first brought to my attention nearly three decades ago by my then-faculty advisor. In one of our history classes we were discussing the progress we had made collectively in the U.S. of A. in our attempt to provide equal opportunities for all citizens. A concern was voiced that we still had pockets of civil unrest and examples of disparate wealth in America. True, conceded my wise professor, but he said, “Equality of opportunity does not guarantee equality of circumstance.” That is a tough pill for my socialist friends to swallow, but no truer words were ever spoken. M att W ood FROM THE TRACTOR My admonishment to my kids when I used to drop them off at school was simple but heartfelt — Work hard. Be honest. (And, for this weekend, I would add “Have fun.” Willie and I are taking a vacation of our own to the Portland Swap Meet.) ■ Matt Wood is his son’s hired man and his daughter’s biggest fan. He lives on a farm near Helix, where he collects antiques and friends. Playing with fire can be a great teacher W hen our son was 6, we followed by thicker, longer pieces. began letting him play A couple of openings were left with fire. It made sense for air to get to the tinder. Then a few decades ago and I think it came the part where even the most still does, but you be the judge. lenient parents might cringe: We Ever since he was a baby, let him start the fire. He used a our son had gone camping with disposable lighter to light both us in southern Arizona. Even sides of the tinder, then sat back to Alan during lean years, such as when watch his handiwork go up with Crowe I went back to school, our family a roar. From that point on, the job Comment considered it cheap entertainment was just tending, poking, pushing to take whatever was in the fridge, to the center, and adding pieces of a box of shells and, for just a few mesquite. dollars’ worth of gas — yes, that’s how His favorite part — even more than the many years ago this was — drive to what post-meal bonfire — was being allowed we called Camp Meager, in the Tortolita to poke the fire. He was aware that other kids would probably be scolded for playing Mountains north of Tucson. The spot was with the fire, but he understood it was a desert camper’s dream. The circular his job, and a serious one at that. One of clearing next to the mesquite-lined wash my most vivid memories is the image of was big enough for a few tents, a fire pit him crouching by the campfire against a and a regulation hopscotch arena. Large coveys of quail lurked in any direction you background of a billion stars, mesmerized by the smoke swirling upward from the chose. We spent many evenings there with end of his poking stick. family and friends, eating roasted camp It’s impossible to measure the positive potatoes with our day’s take of mesquite- effect this backcountry activity, as well as grilled quail. others like it, had on his confidence and At Camp Meager, our 6-year-old was appointed official camp fire-tender. He had sense of self-worth. We’re talking actual fire here — like running with scissors on conscientiously worked at mastering the steroids. Yet that confidence stayed with skills required to build a campfire. (This him long after we returned to civilization. was a kid who caught his first bass on a It made a lasting impression on him that is rubber worm at age 3, but threw it back still reflected in adulthood. That 6-year-old because it was too small.) Immediately is now a hulking 6-foot, 220-pound police upon our arrival, he surveyed the area officer in Kansas with a family of his own. to find the best location, checked for Looking back, my wife and I agree that overhanging branches, scraped away dried our son’s fire-tending career was at least as grass to ensure a safe perimeter, and made rewarding for us as it was for him. It’s one sure the fire would be far enough away from anything burnable to be safe. After he of our sweetest memories, and it comes up occasionally when his family visits collected rocks to ring and line the fire pit, he assigned me the task of gathering sticks and we gather around the fire pit at home. and twigs for kindling. I was up for the job. But now, he’s the one gathering tinder and snapping twigs, while my wife and I kick He learned how to construct our back with a cold beverage, reminiscing cooking fire in the shape of a light bulb, with a round main pit and a narrow straight about Camp Meager and watching our 6-year-old grandson poke the fire. section where the grill would be placed ■ over the coals. He carefully arranged the Alan Crowe is a contributor to Writers fire so the breeze could feed it without on the Range, the opinion service of High blowing smoke into the cook’s face. Country News. He is former underground Then the fun began. He would crumple miner, high school teacher and journeyman three or four sheets of newspaper to carpenter, now a freelance paralegal and support a soccer-ball-sized heap of tinder. writer living in rural Avra Valley outside This served as the base for a tepee of pencil-thin mesquite twigs, which was his hometown of Tucson, Arizona.