Pe 4A EUGENE REGISTER-GUARD, Tuesday, Jin. 1, 1963
Our Pet Pundit Cocks a Fearless Eye at New Year
By A. ROBERT SMITH
For the Rt(lstcM3uard
EDITOR'S NOTE: Once again our Washington corrtt
pondent, with tht benefit of 20-20 hindsight, takes a far
lighted glance into his slightly cracked crystal ball to offer
a tongue-in-cheek forecast of 19S3 events.
. JANUARY An Oregon State Univerity professor finds
Oregon's storms end esrth tremors in late 1962 were caused
by a ground swell of cold anger at the grass roots concerning
Cuba, which encountered a heavy and thick blanket of hot air
from politicians, resulting in terrific turbulence.
President urges new era of bipartisanship for peace, offers
Sen. Barry Goldwater ambassadorship to Katanga. Sen. Everett
Sirksen agrees and suggests a purple heart for Adlai Stevenson.
Mark Hatfield, offering his theories on coexistence, says:
"Wayne Morse and I have had a bipartisan policy for a year
to cooperate against such threats to our peace as Sigfried
Unander."
Congress receives new Kennedy budget of $99.9 billion.
Ten Oregon chambers of commerce telegraph Senators Morse
and Neubergcr to oppose wild Democratic spending, but to be
sure and increase federal payrolls in Oregon.
FEBRUARY Attorney General Bobby Kennedy asks Con
gress to outlaw paper ballots and aid states to install voting
machines. Phil Roth launches campaign to "keep Kennedy
machine out of Oregon." Jebby Davidson noted that it was a
little late but offers to make Roth's campaign bipartisan. Says
Bobby: "Election results were in doubt in too many states for
weeks. In my home state, however, we knew who would win
way ahead of time. My brothers and I find machines most
rewarding."
Oregon legislature fails to muster quorum as many law
makers return home for "personal reasons." Newsmen dis
cover the reason: New expense account crackdown in Internal
Revenue has ended freeloading on lobbyists, forcing legislators
to pay their own way. By Feb. 15 they were broke.
Arthur Flemming makes non-partisan Lincoln Day dinner
speeches in Eugene, Salem and Portland, claiming Lincoln
saved the Union by stockpiling strategic materials.
MARCH Moviemaker Otto Preminger says he'll do Horatio
Alger life of Mark Hatfield. In Salem, the governor denies he
Inspired it, says he's flattered.
Louelia Parsons reports that Travis Cross inspired it, sold
Preminger a scenario entitled, "Looking Upward the Mark
Hatfield Saga," but Preminger plans to jazz it up, star Elvis
Presley, and change title to "Sheik of the Cascades." Antoinette
Hatfield flies to Hollywood to protest.
Bipartisanship blossoms in State Legislature as legislators
return to pass salary increase bill and toss big party for all
the lobbyists who have supported them through the lean years.
Wayne Morse and Maurine Neuberger help Hatfield by lobby
ing for his Increased tax on liquor and cigarettes.
APRIL JFK invites Wayne Morse, Edith Green and Mike
Kirwan to lunch to review budget for Oregon projects and
national aquarium. It features Jackie's favorite recipe for ir
reconcilable politicians: Crow currie and humble pie. It's a
bust. According to the Saturday Evening Post, one luncheon
guest jumped to his feet shouting: "I'm amused at this slick
attempt to get me to compromise my principles and eat crow."
And another declared: "Ya think I'm gonna let this guy and
that woman blab that Kirwan ate humble pie." The first guest
demanded: "I want pork, and lots of it." The other chap asked
for fish. Mrs. Green insisted on the school lunch, and the
President doubled his usual bicarbonate.
MAY Republican senators emerge from secret caucus,
charge that "The White House palace guard is drunk with
power in suppressing news."
Arthur Schlesinger is quoted in Life as saying the charge
is false because all New Frontiersmen are sober young men
who at all times can walk a straight line, which is not only the
shortest distance across Bobby's swimming pool but the quickest
path between a secret meeting and the President's pet jour
nalists. ' -
Back from Hollywood and successful negotiation, Mrs.
Hatfield says Pat Boone, not Presley, will play governor in the
movie, and he will sing three hymns.
Congressman Walter Norblad makes his first speech on
Capitol Hill in five years in tree-planting ceremony near Taft
Memorial. The tree, a middle-aged birch, was sent by Portland's
Arlington Club. . . ..
JUNE Gallup Poll shows 72 per cent of voters think presi
dential and vice presidential candidates should have experience
in foreign affairs. Gov. Nelson Rockefeller leaves on trip to
Africa, Governer Romney leaves for India and a week of fasting.
Governor Scranton flies to Viet Nam. Governor Hatfield sub
scribes to the West Coast edition of the New York Times.
Postmaster General Day admits new U.N. stamp mistakenly
shows Adlai Stevenson standing on head, orders five million
printed to avoid making it collector's item. Receives note from
JFK: "I've taken up stamp collecting. Send me over a thousand
of those." .
JULY Maurine Neuberger finished writing new book
called "The Women Status Seekers." Deploring discrimination
against women office seekers, she rebukes JFK for failure to
appoint Edith Green ambassador to any place, and calls on
Democrats to nominate a woman for vice president. Denying
she is a candidate, the senator flies to Europe with Muffet
hidden in a bathing suit bag on her lap.
Dr. Edwin R. Durno returns to Washington to head anti
medicare lobby. Starts by demanding end of free medical
services for congressmen. Says ex-congressman: "While serving
in Congress, I had the benefit of a free government physician,
free pills and cut rates at a government hospital. I could feel
socialism creeping up on me. I don't want this to happen to
Bob Duncan much as I like him to save a buck."
AUGUST Governor decides to try to balance state budget
by taking advice of Howell Appling and Howard Belton on use
of prison labor on state jobs. Next day, clerks in offices' of
Appling and Belton and Thornton are replaced with convicts
hiving office experience safe crackers, forgers and embezzlers.
Appling and Belton say they were not consulted but have
no objection "as long as it saves money." Thornton sues
Hatfield, charging the plan is "unconstitutional because the
governor is trying to handcuff the attorney general's office.
, . Maurine, after a fortnight in Paris, arrives in Nigeria for
one day inspection of Peace Corps. Says she never heard of
Senator Ellender and urges ban on all billboards, except of
course, no smoking signs.
SEPTEMBER Pierre Salinger announces that presidential
news conferences on TV will be sponsored hereafter "by public-service-minded
organizations" to help balance federal budget.
NBC sells time to U.S. Steel, but Roger Blough won't make a
pitch for steel price increase. ABC time is sold to GOP
National Committee, so Ev and Charlie can interrup JFK for
"a few words." CBS says its sponsor will be the Teamsters
Union, but Jimmy Hoffa will speak only on behalf of physical
fitness and the clean life.
Postmaster Day issues a new Cuban freedom fighter stamp
mistakenly showing Bay of Figs, then prints 10 million; JFK
drops stamp collecting.
OCTOBER A University of Oregon professor reports human
motivational research shows secret fears or desires can be
deduced from a person's favorite songs. Cites examples: Mau
rine Neuberger: "Smoke Gets in My Eyes." Wayne Morse:
"Drink to Me Only With Thine Ayes." Sig Unander: "Tiger
Rag." Terry Schrunk: "Gypsy Love Song." Nelson Rockefeller,
Barry Goldwater and Lyndon Johnson: "Rocking Chair."
The new "American statesmen" stamp series mistakenly
includes Nelson Rockefeller. This time JFK drops Postmaster
General Day.
NOVEMBER Maurine flies home from Greenland, where
she visited an Air For e officers club and won a twist contest.
"They misunderstood," she tells reporters in Washington. "I
was just trying to keep warm."
Hatfield and Preminger hold joint news conference after
preview of Hatfield story. Governor thinks Pat Boone too
romantic in spots. Preminger afcrees to have Pat put his shirt
back on and sing one more hymn.
DECEMBER The "Happy Oregonland" Coloring Book
reaches book stores for Christmas trade. It tells all about the
Queen of Multnomah (color her green) who has taken a few
spills on the slippery steps of the royal court (house); and the
Queen of the Dunes (color her aquamarine) who lives in a
sand castle; and Sir Sigfried (he remains absolutely colorless)
who has nothing to govern anymore but his gold reserves.
It also tells of the dashing duke named Grenn whom the
Queen of Multnomah tried to banish from the court. One night
Grenn fell off his horse into the bushes, leaving a damsel in
distress., (Color him shocking pink). And all the duke's men
couldn't put him back together again.
After a thriving two-day sale, the book is banned by the
mayor and burned by the fire chief. American Civil Liberties
Union becomes so busy protesting the book burning it hasn't
time to protest Christmas trees on Portland State campus.
Senator Morse says, "While we must all defend civil liberties,
, especially freedom of speech, the principle that an outraged
citizen has the right to burn bad books is sacred. I've burned a
few books myself this past year."
Human experience is one year further in debt to its leaders,
Specialists in Servicing
Living Insurance-
Business and Group Insurance
Disability Income Protection
Estate Planning
Retirement Plans
Insurance-Saving Programs
REX O KESSINGER H. E. (HANK) NILSEN
THE EQUITABLE LIFE ASSURANCE
, SOCIETY of the UNITED STATES
72 West Broadway Eugene DI 5-8556
L
. a I I II 1 ' ' J
ANNUAL JANUARY
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Prices!
1.19 tlx lS-oi.
Listerine 97
(All 4 Stores)
3.77 to 14.95 values.
Nor all tizei end colors.
Elastic
Stockings 50 off
(All 4 Stores)
59c stork nipple , '
Glass Nursers 4100
(Downtown Only)
89c 24" Tiny Tot Glycerin
Relieves constipation quickly.
Suppositories 290c
(Downtown, University, Coburg Rd.)
3.S9 siie with B-12
Junior Vitamins I97
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1.89 size 10 Microgram
B-12 Vitamins 97c
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COSMETIC DEPARTMENTS
Large Group of Famous Name
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Come early! All Tiffany Stores
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VARIETY DEPARTMENTS
9.88 Model M-70 Valiant Electric
PORTABLE MIXER
(DOWNTOWN ONLY)
197
Close-out (Hard back )
BOOKS
(DOWNTOWN ONLY)
277
1.50 7-or. 3 Way Desert Flower
CURL SPRAY 87C
(DOWNTOWN, UNIVERSITY, COBURG RD.)
1.50 7 oz. Technique
CURL SPRAY 87C
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2.85 famous name, for complexion care
SCRUB SET 97
(DOWNTOWN, UNIVERSITY, COBURG RD.)
1.39 Feminine shave cream
PINK PLUSH 72C
(DOWNTOWN, UNIVERSITY, COBURG RD.) ,
9.97 Chic Milady
HAIR DRYER 297
(DOWNTOWN, COBURG RD.)
88c Bag of 150 bathi
BUBBLE BATH 44'
(DOWNTOWN ONLY)
Values to 9.95
ASSORTED TABLE LAMPS 297
(COBURG RD., RIVIERA)
99e Italian Import
GLASS VASES 67'
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Electric Decorator style
WALL CLOCKS Vi price
(DOWNTOWN, UNIVERSITY)
with Q e
Handle '
199
97
close-out, all
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Reg. 1.98 All 4 Stores
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11.98 lona Highlander Portable
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2.98 National Velvet Plastic
RAIN COATS 19s
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Discontinued colors
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29s French Individual Bake & Serve (colon)
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9.88 Valor Auto Elec.
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1.49 Gettysburg Reversible size 39"x20" ,
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Your choice Levels, Pliers, Hammers, Sawi, etc.
Handy Tool Assortment 37e
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97c Children's 100 cotton
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29.95 Model IB-16 Toastmaiter
TOASTER
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14
97
97'
19'
47'
8"
...AND MANY MORE ITEMS PRICED TO SELL!
TIC TOC
Reg. 49c LIQUID OOc
DETERGENT, 1 pt. 6 oz.
Reg. 49c
All Purpose Cleaner
Reg. 19c 5-oz. Qc
Foaming Cleanser 2r
Reg. 37c (all 4 stores)
STARLET SANDALS
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Reg. 12.88 Full Bed Size Rex Ray
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9.95 Chic Electric No. 1185
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24.88 White Stag Dacron King Size 42x84
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L88
17"
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