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About The Oregon statesman. (Salem, Or.) 1916-1980 | View Entire Issue (March 4, 1925)
:5 ' '4 THE OREGON STATESMAN, SALEM, OREGON WEDNESDAVMORNING; MARCH 4; ,1925 : m"lmm '- "; '.- . .Bsassu"""""wmBB CROSS "WORD LIMERICKS '. ' A Fable A boy took a girl to the Hi) Each seat cost him four bucks a (2) ? i. v . .y.; v. Back home, when the (3) Put her lip up to (4) He said: "I just love to spend (5) 1. A performance, sometimes rotten. 2. To hurl, or fling, as -a fit. 3. What a normal fellow will always look at. 4. Nothing df Tided by two. 5. What the baker kneads and everybody else needs'. The- Exceptional - Case - A girl with a car tried to- (1) ' The crossing ahead, of the (2) With triumphant- (3) ' : She beat the train ( 4 ) Now wouldn't that " give you a ' ? (5)i . 1. What' men go into business for. 2. What a locomotive or bride pulls around. 3. Loud noise made by excited people; opposite of whisper. 4. Where the cat is put at night. 6. What paying bills give you. MOTHER "California Fig Syrup" Dependable Laxative for Sick Baby or Child Hurry Mother! Even constipat ed, bilious, feverish, or sick, colic Babies and Children love to take genuine "California; Fig" Syrup." No other laxative regulates ' the tender little bowels so nicely. It sweetens the stomach and starts the liver and bowels without. grip ing. Contains no, narcotics or soothing drugs. Say "California" to your druggist and avoid coun terfeits. Insist upon genuine California" Fig Syrup which con tains directions. -Adv. .i Short Hours , . "Why did Fisher's business go to the dogs?" ;J . "He thought too much of his personal appearance." . "Dressed too" extravagantly?" "No. lie neglected his business while waiting liis turn inthe bar bar shops." f: - . Judith , - : .. . -. . . 3. '" " T t "" " ' ' - ' ' 4 The Same All Over "Our ; new minister is such a great b!g man; why. he fills. the pulpit!, exclaimed Mrs., Peck re cently at a dinner party. ' "How big 'is he at home?" in quired Mr Peck, meekly. . Mrs.: T. S. Hemingway.- assisted me.- 1 rose steadily until the colder air of the high- levels and the absence of friction"both had their effect on my tires, when I gradually floated down and made my way back to the road again.''?-'' i - ' i . "Since then I have not experi mented.. wth hot air, at least not In connection with automobile iiresJ" . t : Perfect Accord II rs. Payne: "I don't believe you Intend to. give me any -money." Payne: "That's once we believe alike!" - ,. ; He Was liaised! "f Curtis: "I got a ten dollar raise last month." , Martin: "Let me sell you a" Curtis: "Not so fast it was my rent." . ' - L. V. Longhway. :" Dorothy to the Rescue Mr, Sheckler, a teacher at the high school, wrote "92.7" on the board and then erased Jthe deci mal point so as to show the ef fect of multiplying by ten. "T Turing to one of the pupils he said: ; 1 - - ' - . v "Dorothy, tell me what has be come of the decimal point?" : "It's on the eraser," .was the quick reply. ; . Edwin J. Bachman. DR. BALDPLATK OX BALLOON . i , . . ! TIRES It' is hard, to tell whether our old - friend, Dr. George A. Bald pate, is' kidding or not when he writes A. Ej Millig regarding his experience with balloon tires. "As you have noticed," says the doctor, "balloon tires are getting larger and larger. Wheels are de creasing all the time in favor of tires. : ; ! r - . ' "On my new scream-line Cadil pack, there are. nothing but. hubs about the wheels; no spokes at all, the - rest, is - tire. I ; recently tried the experiment of .inflating my tires with' air that bad been slightly heated. This, I calcula ted,! would Increase the buoyancy. Did it? : i " "WelL to my amusement I soon found the car gliding along so smoothly, that,, looking over the side. .1 saw that we were not touching the ground at alL I had just left the top of a high hill and soon I was I floating over the val ley beyond.! i :f " "I don't j know" how I should have gotten down had not nature And She Is 4 i. Henry (in restaurant):. , "How do you happen to be working here?" , ' - j. Alice , (waitress) :, "When " my friend went away he made me promise that I'd wait for him." , ' Ella Hartiss." Nobody loves a fat man.. THE TRICKY TRIOLET 4. ; j ; COUNTER The Electric Moment -. i She was about to get a kiss. Emotion thrilled her -to her toes; Oh, moment ' of celestial bliss! She was about to get a kiss, i This rather old and shop-worn Missi , . , J - . I Long . had") sh iraltetL' :g90dness knows! , She was about to get a kiss: ; But had to stop to blow her nose. Hazeldine Krug. .'. Slangcy Susan He asked her: "Do you ' take this man ' To be your mate for weal s or woe?" ' Before the whole assembled clan He' asked her: "Do you take this man?" . - 1 , A shiver through the bride groom ran; . . , Her face with glory seemed to glow, . , , He asked her: "Do you take . this man?'.1 .. ,: ;And she replied, "You said it, Bo!" , John. A. Carson. , Bill Says If ain't th' latitude." said Bill Bral'a. the well-known navigator, who has gone in for cross word puzzles, "it ain't th : lattytude so much ez the longtitude uv this one that gits my goat." ; . ; i Clearing the snow, , "Dad" ! Fe lix, veteran of the corner lot In Denver, where he has played Sun days for 22 of his 48 years, open ed, his winter baseball season on January 25, in - sun-tempered weather by taking on "Pop" Daly's aggregation before 5000 fans.: f PROBLEMS . , 1 .. t . dl OarHww New " PhaiKt 1 ol REVELATIONS OF A WIFE Copyright by Newspaper Feature Berries CHAPTER 399 - Being poor is ..sometimes more of a habit than anything else. ' WHY HARRY UNDERWOOD'S PRESENCE DOUBLY PER PLEXED MADGE. ' . ' " " ' . : ' - I made a good breakfast in spite of the fact that I knew Harry Un derwood in his disguise of the Cas tillian grandee, Don Ramon Al mlrez, was. covertly watching both Claire Foster and me with, I guessed, distinct amusement m Wig led with the-5 concern which . had brought him to. this mountain re sort. And Claire, with, ber an xiety upon the score of Herbert Pettit relieved by my assurance that nothing more unpleasant should come near her, ate almost heartily. . ' - .. . . ': ' I saw, with satisfaction 1 at -my own success in calming her, .that her youth and resilient spirits were fast reacting to the rescue from gossip my coming to the Barker house had afforded her. ; , : She was a most attractive pic ture, I decided as I looked at her with eyes sharpened by the reali zation that Harry Underwood was taking in every detail of her ap pearance. I would have been less than human, other than feminine, If there had not come to me the humorous remembrance of ' that last hectic time when Dr. Pettit and Harry Underwood had 'met each other. After the physician had left, I had told Mr. Under wood of his engagement to Claife Foster, and that something had broken it off. .- - v j : ''Probably Claire came out from the ether, Harry Underwood had drawled, and in the next minute had exclaimed with a dramatic flourish: ; : . "And the man - breathed the same air as you, and then became engaged to a western, girl!", - The words had annoyed me be cause they recalled the fact that before Claire Foster appeared on the horizon Dr. Pettit had fancied himself in love with me, and had given me many unpleasant min utes by the exhibition of his feel ings. But, inconsistently enough, I found myself wondering it Mrt t Underwood would pronounce the same verdict upon us now that be had seen Claire. --" : Madge Pays Both Bills. With a little start and mental lb km 0J UvJUUvJ rniQ 19 Complete New Stock of Dry Goods,; Millinery, Ladies' Ready- to-Wear, Shoes, Clothing, Furnishing 1 Goods, Groceries, Etc. see:; Qye.wii wpows" : Read Our Ads In Both Daily Papers and Full Sheet Posters Mailed Broadcast for Particulars arid Prices for This Occasion " 1 j- ' -a ..'.-.. .. ..-( , , .... . . -,' r 4 f -t y..-., Gotno and Goo Galorn'o CJoiy Ooy light Gltorh cufTing of my own ears, X subdued the absurd - mental vagaries In j which. I-had been indulging, and . rose from the table. . - - "Finish you coffee," I said to my breakfast companion.:- 'I'll set tle with Mrs, Barker lor both of us, if. you don't want .to. talk to her." ., - -1 ::..-tr J: "I'll be so glad .not to,! she said, opening her purse and hand ing me some bills. '.There's only this last week, anyway. She paid ap 'until then. And there will probably - be some extras. ..- But I won't question her bill. Pay her anything . she asks. . : I don't fancy she'll overcharge, I returned. "You're an incurable optimist," Claire retorted, and I heard a faint sound, which. I was sure was a suppressed chuckle from Harry Underwood's table. "I'm Glad to Do This." . J I walked down the room to the door, and was compelled to pass within two feet of the . table be hind which sat the pseudo Don Ra men Almirez, looking erery inch the Castilian grandee. I kept my eyes strictly averted from him, however, for . I knew-that Claire Foster's eyes and brain were keenj and I did not care to Have her suspect the disguise. ' Mrs. Barker was at her desk in the front hall," and when " I paid both, bills, I guessed that she hard hard, work to keep back the caus tic comments concerning Claire which I knew were near her lips. But' she contented herself with a single sentence: "I'm glad to do this," as her pen made a vicious Uouruh under her signature ; re ceipting the girl's tbilL ' Wisely, I made no comment up-, on her little speech. Instead, I tried to express my thanks to her for the indubitable kindness sue had shown me. But she waved them away imperatively: . ..'.-"I do what I think is right," she said crisply. "Don't waste time trying to thank me. I think you said you had a note you want ed to give me." ,,X signalled. her to silence, for Claire Foster had left the dining room, and was coming along the hall. She would not have to pass the desk, for, the corridor turned abruptly a few feet, from us, but 1 t 4 A Bank I Cdnmjctidri 1 Which I Profitable Irt i -.TJie United States .National, expects to grow, not entirely by increasing he-iinnber of .deposi tors here but by making the relation between our patrpns and the bank so profitable that our suc cess is but a reflection of -,theirsj - i ' And we do' this by .taking a ipers.bnal interest in the " affairs of every ' aeposiforthe business man, the . wage - earner, the - hoiisewif e, the boys and girls and'the farmer. v.Ypu'xian: help us in assisting you by letting: us? Know, you ana your .V I United States Natidnal Bank MM. ;. Salem. Qrpgpn r- she was within earshot, and I was not yet ready to confirm the girl's suspicion that Herbert Pettit-was in the offing. '. (To be continued) WiU Take Off H All Excess: Fat 'Do y on know that thfe a " simple, effective, remedy for OTrftnv one that may be used safely and secretly by any m a or woman who is losing the slender ness of youth t It is the tablet form of the now famous Marmola. Prescription. Thousands of men and women each year regain slender, healthful figures by .using Marmola Tablets.. You. too, can. expect to reduce steadily and easily - without Soinjr tbrovgh long sieges of t irt some ex ercise and starvation diet. Mannola Pre scription Tablets' are sold by all' drug gists the world over at. one dollar a box, or you can secure them direct from tha. Marmots Co., General Motors IS lag., De troit, Mich., oa reoeipt of prieo, Adv; - Wife Do you know that, you haven't kissed me for six weeks? Pf otes'sor Cood heavens, who hare I . been: kissing ; then ? Wis consin Octopus. T "-"x ! "" .' n ' Straw .votes don't always mean tiny thfngt .but the fact that very few babies have been named after Bob'La' Follette this year may yet prove significant. " ; '. : "A n y year's most popular novel now lives on the screen. f. ' IHE SOLUTION of the most an- noying hosiery problem' the perfection of a well-fitting hose that combines chiffon sheerness with ex ceptional strength and durability." To be had in all of t the fashionable colors: ' ' ' i' J ' '' ' "' r " '' i'- $1.95 V :: :'vlp : ' ' VVi t - -' . r. v-: S; iv . ... .-... , 1 : , '' t - ' . I - , ' ... 'i vv-.. n. .... A K ' We are now showing new shades in Chiffon, full' fashioned hose in gunmetal, pebble, nude and white and black priced at Two tone Chiffon and service silk full fashion" hose, with Van Dyke heels in Cherokee and Pebble, Black and Pebble, Black and Peach, Black land Beige, ' Black' and Tan Bark, Black and. WhiteV Black and Nude. , I ""n hi nn! s n r? Z 1 J 1 1 L-3 t u Where It Pays to "Pay As You Go", . . . , . . . v i r i t . -. ' ..... ' " "-. ! ..' - - " . - t . . , . : - . .....