Itlta UKKUUN SUNDAY JOURNAL . PORTLAND, 'SUNDAY MORNING. MARCH 81, 1920.
f
New
York Shunned
Birthplace
as
fss1mmm wf
l
"I told him who I am and ht seemed tickled to death''
In Selecting Place to Be Bom Lardner and
Other Celebrities clways Avoid Gotham
i
919 FIRE RECORD
SHOWS REASON TO
PROTECT FORESTS
IMBBaBMBVSBaiSMSBWMNaMst
Chamber of Commerce Movement
for Protection Week Is Meet
ing With Great Success.
r'lirt A Mf it : " ,r " r v VIH
COIOWEL AtF fifMUTUCtS
IW THE FAR , FAB WEST-aho
tU THE CAST" ALSO
Bj A. D. Crklge
The lady was determined. The lady was the relict of Major Blatchford,
who, it appears, had recently become the wife, master, mate and crew of
Charley Young; of Can Berdoo, and never a master or mate who possessed
a shorter temper or a longer vocabulary of profanity. Therefore, as
stated, the lady was determined.
Cap Seth Tate, commander - in
By Ring W. Lardner -
rpo THE Editor:
A I hope they
wont nobody take
offenses at this
article as nothing
Is father from my
thoughts than try
and get people
mad but It looks
to me like whon a
person finds out
some interesting
Ring- W. Lardner facts of history It
to their duty to slip it along to my
army of readers.
Well th nth.r riav T r. - onw.-
ng nome irom oia cm and like
usual whenever I hop on a train the
first thing I always do is try and
make acquaintances with some
stranger so as I can maybe improve'
my mind a little by listening to their
conversation and incidently improve
their mind a whole lot by makeing
them listen to what I got to say. So
I went in the club car and looked
them over and picked out a bird
that you could tell he was a Dr. on
acct. of how sanitary he acted and
I aald to myself . I will get acquainted
with that bird because the way the
trains are acting up now days they't
no telling where they will stop and
they might pull up along side of a
drug store.
So I set down by him and told him
who I am and he seemed tickled to
death and finely he ast where I live
at and I told him and to return the
, compliments I ast him where he
lived at and he says "I am a New
Torker.'K So I ast him was he born
In N. T. City and he give me a look
as much as to say what was the mat
ter with me and then he ast me was
'I jokeing- and I said what do you
mean jokeing and he said "Of course
you know I wasn't born In N. T
City because nobody ever was."
So now It was my turn to ask him
was he Jokeing and he says "If you
think I am you can get a bet out of
ma. If you can name me one person
that was born in N. T. City I will
pay your fare there."
Well I am nrettv well acauatntd
! a round the Bl- Town, as I have nick
- named it; bo I Immediately begin
springing- me names or some of my
friends in the hopes that he wouldn't
r, know if they was born in the Big
Town or no, but he says "You are
just bluffing as I know where every
-, one of those birds were born and
none of then! was born in the Big
- Town."
"Xdsten, he says, "let s take
look at the different people that
uun up now x ur& s principle in
; dustries like baseball and actors and
. Singers and artists and writers and
etc., and you will see that every one
, of them is immigrunts. For in
etants there is Morris ' Oest from
WUna, Russia, and there ia Irvin
Cobb from Paducah, Ky. and there is
- Babe Ruth from Baltimore, Mary,
.Well to make a long story out of
- a abort story he then went ahead
.: and named pretty near everybody I
- ever heard of and where they was
V all born and Z only wished I had of
took It all down on paper and pencil
; so as I could give full details but
the best I can do is set 'down all as
X can remember of It and maybe In
some , cases I have got the towns
wrong but any way here it is as fol
lows In the order named Inclusive
under the different head lines,
r ' . Music
Henry Caruso, Ravioli, Italy. R.
W. Xjardner, Niles, Mich. Jaacha
Heifetz, Fiddle." Cferm. Mischa EI
man. Caucasia; Russia. Titta Ruffo,
Vermicelli. Italy. Geraldine Farrar,
Irving Berlin, Syncopate, Russia.
Eva Tanquay, North Adams, Mass.
Victor Herbert, Score, Ireland.
Actors and. Etc.
8 Barrymores, Phllly, Pa., Geo.
Cohan, Providence, R. I., Al Jolson,
Ina Claire and Bill Page, Washing
ton, D. C. Davids Belasco and War
rield, Holbrook Bllnn, Bertie Hoff
man, m. Brady, Jim Corbett, San
Francisco, Cal. Blanche Bates, Port
land, Or. R. W. Lardner, Niles, Mich.
Oscar Hammerstein, Pretzel, Germ.
Bert Williams, Martin, Bermuda.
ItBC VouRc ?;
RKAr- . WWywyfr
uuss'-oiD Wlfm
yoo HAf-f 1
PBN TO Vj-VJk. f
aee. JISECr v
Bj C. S. Chapman
Outside the national forests, 1144
fires were reported by wardens the
summer of 1919. These fires were
of various origin but the three
causes credited with the largest
numbers were slash burning, hunters
and campers, and lightning. The
two largest of these groups were
man-caused fires.
These fires caused damage to stand
ing timber, logs, logging equipment, and
improvements of over f 750,000, and over
1380,000 was expended in fire fighting,
patrol and improvements in an endeavor
to prevent loss.
PROTECTION COSTLY
The season of 1918 loss of timber was
greater and this in spite of the added
amounts each year expended to keep
out fire.
It is only by constantly increasing ef
fort that losses are kept as low as those
reported above, and yet the past season
loss of property plus cost of preventing
further loss was over $1,000,000, an
amount which a few years back would
have defrayed expenses of our state
government for a year.
Timber loss unlike that of an agri
cultural crop cannot be recovered in a
few years. It has takes 300 years to
grow many of our stands of Douglas
fir and once burned up this generation
Mil never again see a merchantable crop
of timber on the land.
Forest fires also strike very directly
the farmer and every taxpayer. Each
year fires collect their toll of farm build
ings, fences and often harvested crops.
As soon as a piece of timber Is burned
the owner also naturally asks for and
is granted a reduction In his taxes.
Burned .timber unless very accessible is
seldom harvested and taxation can only
hold for the value of the rough land
which before a fire had very consider
able value because of Its stand of green
trees. "
The loss in assessed valuation result
ing from a fire must be taken up by
other property owners, for taxes are not
decreasing.
CUT TIM BE B LOSS
But unfortunate as are the results
enumerated they are insignifioant com
pared with loss to labor resulting from
destruction of raw material and loss to
the community by reason of removing
possibility of manufacturing develop
ment
Oreeon will develop in proportion as
fchex wisely handles her resources. The
yearly unnecessary direct loss of over a
million dollars in raw material is not a
good recommendation for the state.
For this reason the fortiana unamoer
of Commerce took up the movement for
forest protection week," May 23 to
29, with a view to endeavoring to reduce
Oregon's yearly timber loss through
fires.
"So I set down by him "
Anna Pavlowa, Petrograd, Russia;
Flo Ziegfleld, Chi., 111.; A. L. Er
lnaer, Cleveland, Ohio; Marc Klaw,
Louisville, Ky.; the Shuberts, Syra
cuse, N. Y.; Maude Adams and Alary
Pickford, Salt Lake, Utah; D. W
Griffith, Louisville. Ky.; Charles
Chaplin, Custard Pie, England; Nora
Bayes, Chi., 111.; Dorothy Dalton
Chi., 111.; Douglas Fairbanks, Buffa
lo, Niagara Falls; Deonora Uirlch
Milwaukee, Wis.; Donald Brian. Bos
ton, Mass.; Frank Tirney and Kd
JVynn, Philly. Elsie Janls. Cute'
Ohio; Marcus Loew, Vienna, Austria,
and etc.
Baseball
John'McGraw, Truxton, N. T.
Miller Hugglns, Norwood, Ohio; Col
onel Huston, Clncy, Ohio; John
Heydler, Washington, D. C; J. D
Rockefeller, Cleveland, Ohio; Ban
Johnson, Clncy, Ohio; R. W. Lard
ner, Niles, Mich.; William J. Bryan,
Lincoln, Neb., and etc.
Reporters, Authors and Etc.
R. W. Lardner, Niles, Mich,
Booth Tarkington, Indianapolis,
Ind.; Damon Runyon, Denver, Colo.
Hype Igoe, Bug, Idaho; F. P, A.
What Cheer, Iowa; Grantland Rice
Nashville, Tenn.; Hughle Fullerton,
Hlllsboro, Ohio.
Picture Drawers and Etc.
Clare Briggs, Reedsburg, Wis.
Old Tad, San Francisco, Cal.; Rube
Goldberg, San Francisco, Cal.; Win
sor McCay, San Francisco. Cal.
Bud Fisher, Chi., 111. ; Nftysa McMeln,
Quincy, 111.
So you see it Is true, Just like the
Dr. said, and I am glad I dldn
make no bet with him, as I would of
lose, and to show how bad the situ
ation is. why, the Big Town has to
send over to Brooklyn for their
Mayors. Personally the Bell Syndi
cate was born In Yonkera and aa I
say, the undersigned was bOrn in
Niles, Mich.
RING W. LARDNER.
Greenwich, Conn- March is.
(Copyright. 1S2Q. by the BU Synidoat lac
Pulmotor Revives Dead Man
t-uue. a.. Min-h n tt -vt
S.Wohn Smlgiel, 34. was resusrftfttd
here by a pulmotor after physicians
i"ihiuci mm a end of asphyxi
chief of the Marl Springs water sta
tion, feed yard, hotel, store and re
freshment parlor, situated In the midst
of th Molave desert, with 60 miles of
Lawful alkali and soda on one side and
40 miles of rolling dry hills and des
ert on the other, assured her it couldn't
be done.
"There is noo slch a possibility, me
gude woman," he assured her. "Y'd
been most sadly misinformed, I assure
ye. There Is no ither springs or wather
holes none whatever."
."You're a liar!" declared
the black-haired and husky Mrs.
Young. "My poor husband. Major
Blatchford, told me all about it. He
marked it on the map. Would to God
I had him here with me, instead of this
mock man and bum !" - And with a
bacward sweep of her hand she nearly
knocked her little, humble, bewhis
kered husband off his feet She drew
forth a folded map of ths awful wagon
road starting from San Bernardino,
Cal., that wound its way through the
Cajhon pass and down the Mojave river
to the Soda Lake desert, where the
frightful push of 60 miles was marked
to Marl Springs and on to the Colo
iado river.
In these modern days of auto trucks
and railroads the hardships of travel
over the deserts with teams that could i
not maks over 20 miles a day ia not
realized.
MR8. YOITSG DETEEMIIfED
"Here are Hat Springs," Mrs. Young
pointed out. "Major Blatchford stopped
there in '67, and he said there was
water for 50 head of stock. And, j
shaking her finger under Cap Tate's
nose, "you bet your life, Cap Tate, I'm
going to take my cows -there to rest
up. l man t Dring tnoso cows uhb iw
to have 'em starve, and I'm not goin'
to pay you $60 a ton for your giatta
grass hay to feed 'em till they can
travel."
"Weel, I sare wish the major was wi
us, also," observed Cap Tate. "He
were a kindly friend o' mine, and I
honored him for a full-rigged man.
But ye're not Mrs. Major Blatchford
the noo. and even if Hat Springs has
ony water in them, they belong to Jim
Cunningham, fulj 22 miles away, and
I have noo shadow o' right to bid ye
to them."
Mrs. Young had started with 28 head
of milch cows for the alfalfa pastures
of San Bernardino, and had gotten
through with 26 head to the midst of
the desert, accompanied by her second
husband, Charlie Young, and her
daughter, Jean, a replica of her mother
and about 14 years of age. The poor
animals were sadly run down and must
have feed and rest She had been told
of Hat Springs by her former husband,
who had died the year before, and was
certain of her information.
JUST MERE JAUXT
As was customary in that section,
no one told travelers of the fact of
there being water at different places.
I knew of several smaU springs and
little water holes that would never
have been guessed as existing. Hat
Springs lay about eight miles north
of Marl Springs, and a little trickle
of water oozed out of a black mound
of rooks and bushes that bore a rude
resemblance to a hat.
It was a mere little jaunt down
town for Mrs. Young to mount a mus
tang and ride that 22 miles to the
Cunningham ranch house, hidden in a
rocky gully, and secure from him a
lease of Hat Springs for 60 days. Jean
and I looked after the cattle mean
while, for her new spouse was intent
on securing In some way a drink or
two from Cap- Tate. Indian Joe Bruno
guarded the corrals to see that her
hungry horses did not eat up more
than was allowed to them. Also, he
went to the top of Marl hilf, that jut-
number of fiction titles have been added. I lea " into me aoaa bane aeseri, to
Among some of the most Important report ir mere were any signs or neras
anniversary and the declaration of In
dependence was to be celebrated at
San Berdoon, as we called San Ber-
nardtno. and It would take three days'
hard riding across mountain trails to
get there in time to participate in the
"equestrian parade" that the posters
announced. This was In the latter part
of march, and time dragged heavily
on our hands as the angry sun arose
each morning a little hotter than the
preceding day.
SAUCY AND' MISCHIEVOUS
Jean could throw a rope better than
I could. She could shoot ber mother's
double-barreled shotgun and ride like
an Indian. She was saucy, mischiev
ous, dirty and a rough playmate in
deed. "Charley Young," she called.
striding to the door of Cap Tate's store
room and refreshment parlor, "you git
right out of there and go 'tend to
them wagon wheels, and see that they
are all soaked up right We're goin'
to travel tomorrow, and you know what
you'll- git if mamma comes back and
finds those wheels are not all soaked
up tight Now, you hear me, you
wretched old bum?"
- Thus abjured, : commanded and threat
ened, Charlie Young groaned and went
to properly took, after the wagon wheels
that had been swverely dried out until
the spokes and felloes rattled in their
tires in the scorching sands of the
desert Properly dampened with sacks
while partly immersed In the water
troughs, their normal condition would
be restored.
"Holy Moses, but that Charlie Young
make m tired," sighed Jean, helping
herself to some cool water on the coun
ter. "Aye,' aye," replied Captain Tate.
"He was - born that way, and is well
doon In the cleft of Tophet now enduring
torment fer his manifest mortal Bins o'
the flee and the sperit"
"Spirit!" giggled Jean. "You" should
of Men the dirty toad when Mamma
dragged him out of the s'loon at- Point
Rocks on the Mohave. She lammed him
good, and . he didn't have spirit enough
to hit her back. He's goin' to get
his walkln' papers when Mamma gets
to Prescott and gets her dairy ranch
started. I Just hate the sight of him."
"It will be a De'll o a time I will have
wi' Jim Cunningham when he taxes me
wl' tellln' yer Mamma a boot the Hat
Springs," sighed Captain Tate.
"Don't get to moonin' about that"
comforted Jean. "Mamma will tell him
about my Pap's stopping there, and Til
bet you a $4 hat he knew this Jim Cun
ningham. My Pap kbew everybody
and he had more friends than a congressman."
"What ever possessed yer Mamma to
tie up wi' this galoot from the last plaoe
this side o' the bad place?" inquired
Cap.
"Oh, you see," said Jean, "Charlie
was all dressed up and he had mighty
takin' ways with him, and he said he
was rich and had silver mines and a
summer resort in Florida, or some place,
and he told Mamma she looked most
as young as me, and all that sort of
thing. And all the while the thrlppy
wretch was tin-horn gamblln In San
Berdoon, and Mamma fell for his game.
Only he can't touch the property. Half
of It's mine, and the other half she
can't sell. 1 guess Pap Blatchford was
no fooL"
WORSE THA1T -tOOWBTS
"He were wise In 'his day and gen
eration," observed Captain Tate, "but
by Sir Walter Scott's great horn spoon
I wish I had never signed articles to
stop in this blankety blank hole o'
Hades, let alone get mixed up In this
Hat Springs business. I once signed
as Bocond mate on a convict ship out
of- Liverpool to Van Dleman's Land, and
they loaded on ua a lot of looney cons.
It was a picnic compared to this. Wi'
all the lunitics o" the British gaols
loaded on to us, they were wise men
compared to the chuckle-headed looo
weeded folks that come bv here."
Well, It ain't my fault" observed
Jean. "Mamma and Charlie hatched
up the idea between 'em of starting a
dairy ranch near Prescott, and a hot
old-time they're having letting there.
When I'm a young lady I'm going to live
in ' Santa Monica and have two Chinks
to wait on me and go surf-bathing
every day."
The next day the Young outfit moved
to - Hat Springs, and I was detailed to
help thero. We started at daybreak,
and Charlie developed a clear case of
Inability to walk and sing at the same
time shortly after leaving Marl Springs.
His faithful spouse shook him up se
verely and placed him In .the wagon to
drive while she mounted a horse and
helped Jean and I drive the cattle. That
afternoon Jean and I enjoyed a fierce
water fight that degenerated Into a
mud battle when the water played out,
with the Youngs delighted spectators.
Jean left me sprawling In the sands
with a well directed left uppercuf to
the Jaw from her hasty brown fist,
and we ate supper amicably together,
with peach cobbler iyiked In a tsutch
oven at the camp fire for dessert The
next day I returned to Marl Springs,
not expecting to see any more of the
Young family for a month.
However, three days bad gone by and
half a night when Mother Young came
beating on the door to ask if we had
eeen Jean. - She had left Charlie drunk
and "layed out," as she expressed it.
and the girl had not been seen since
4 o'clock In the afternoon, when she
went on foot to bring In the wandering
stock. Charlie had traded the silver
watch of the late Major Blatchford to
a prospector for a bottle or alcoholic
elixir ana was dead to the world.
Captain Tate called in Indian Joe
Bruno as a consulting expert. "Fool
girl chase crazy water," declared Joe
after asking a few questiona That is.
she had followed a mirage of the desert,
which we afterwards found to be true.
It looked like a lake, with trees on
the shore and she wanted to wade In
the water. It led her further away,
and left her and her dog Rags be
wildered and lost as dusk came.
"Me find 'em Quick," asserted Joe.
"Mebby dog take her home."
Tate was not able to travel well and
his duty required that he 'stay by the
dumpy "station" of three dugouts and
two corrals, the water troughs and the
tunnels and storage caves of water In
Marl hill. It did not take Joe long to
strike her trail when we got to where
Jean was lam seen. In a, few miles of
truvel over the desert we came In sight
of a rag fluttering on a desert palm,
and found Jean and Hags calmly wait
ing rescue. Her mother rushed forward
and- under Joe's directions, gave her a
little water at a time. She was not
suffering, however, vory mui'h.
"I would have made It back to the
camp, all right," nhe declared, "without
all this fuHB. I knew better'n travel
in the middle of the day, and Hags
and I would have got back by night.
The lake looked so natural I just
couldn't help trying to get into tt"
Russia's Offers to
U. S. Discussed in
New Library Book
What Russia offers America In the
way of commercial opportunities is told
in a new volume by Dr. Iosif M. Gold
stein, an authority on Russian condi
tions, which Is Included In the 60 new
books added this week by the Portland
public library.
Especially interesting in the list are
several new war books and several
publications having to do with ' Ameri
canization work. An unusually large
titles are: "Essentials of Americanlza
tlon Work." by E. S. Bogardus ; "The
Story of the First Gas Regiment," by
James Thayer Addtson ; "The Armenian
In America," by M. Varlan Malcom ;
"Best College Short Stories : "I Was
There," by Cyrus L Baldridge ; "Ar
temus Ward," a biography by Don Car
los Seits ; "The Sword of Deborah," by
F. T. Jesse, and "The Test of Scarlet"
by C. W. Dawson.
Movie actress Before we produce an
other picture, I'll have to get a lot of
now clothes.
Director I can't wait that long.
We'll put on a desert-Island drama.
or travelers. Standing on this promon
tory in the morning, one could imagine
the Soda lake as it looked perhaps a
million years before, but, alas, not now,
for the soda and alkali made a tortu
ous dust, and men and animals lost
In it laid down and died. Their bodies
mummified in the heat in the summer
time, and in the winter time the coy
otes gnawed out their bones.
Jean was a precocious young lady,
and I was a lad of between 15 and 16,
intent on assisting Cap Tate in caring
for the station, for which I was to
receive $25 a month if I quit before
July 1. and $35 a month if I remained
until that date. Further I flatly re
fused to sign up for. The" centennial
iiim uetu
Maiden. Maaa Marr arden.'chr: 'Til. ' w.,.. WBS . coma for
vt $t&ffi flLEKflHDEB I
We IDS
WED. MATIKf-E ClXYa CKILCRSI I
-1 -' f i" Tl
f - ' . ' '
NOW!
" : - k
THE' WOMAN
IN ROOM
v J
A great picture made
from a great stage suc
cess. It's a mystery
story with love at the
bottom of it all.
Your verdict will be
"Well done. 1 enjoyed
every minute. A truly
wonderful story."
It's a great big picture!
Topics
TVeekly
Just give the cast the
"once over" and we'll
gamble that you'll try
to get in the door, too.
Well, here goes
Pauline Frederick
John Bowers
Charles Clary
Robert McKim
Sydney Ainsworth
Marguerite Snow
Emily Chichester
Kate Lester
Prisma
Comedy
RIVOLI CONCERT ORCHESTRA
PERSONALLY DIRECTED BY M. GUTERSON
Week Day Concerts Twice Each
Afternoon and Evening
Light Cavalry (overture) . . . .E. Waldtenfel
Sunday Concert at 12:30 Noon
Light Cavalry (overture)............ -F. Suppe
Lea Patijneura E. Waldtenfel
Cavitina .....S.Raff
Souvenir de Moscou (violin solo, A. Creitz) . . H. Wieniawski
Accompaniment Rivoli Concert Orchestra
American Patrol -. F. Meacham,
Souvenir de Moscou (violin solo, Albert
Creitz) .H. Wieniawski
Accompaniment Rivoli Concert Orchestra
Lower Floor Matinee 25c, night 35c; Lower Balcony Matinee 25c, night 35c; Upper Balcony- Matinee and
night 25c, Saturday, Sunday and holiday evenings 35c; Loges -Matinee 50c, night 60c; Children Matinee
and night 15c All prices include war tax. : 7 - . . --.-.
' . - 4V uuiua.