The Oregon daily journal., February 21, 1915, Page 56, Image 56

THE OREGON SUNDAY JOURNAL, PORTLAND, SUNDAY MORNING, FEBRUARY 21, 1915.
On the Sunny Side of Life
at e
Bits of Fun Here and There
Bulgars Now Used to Trouble
st t at at at at M at at at at at at'
Years and Years of Misrule
STATESMEN.
FRBDC.
T7M
rjy
Hard to Classify
I
N a foothill California district there is
a man who runs a small ferry across
one of the rivers, charging 25 cents
for one transportation of a single team
and 40 cents for a double one. One after
noon in the early days of automobiling, a
city man drove up to the ferry in a tour
ing car and attempted to go on the ferry
boat, but was held up by the captain, who
hold him to wait. Finally, after the boat
had crossed the river two or three times,
the motorist began to get impatient.
"Can't take ye over yet," answered the
captain in response to the motorist's- de
mands. "Yer the fust one o' them things
that ever crossed here, an' I don't know
what ter charge ye."
"Don't know what to charge me?"
"Nope. I've sized ye up fore and aft,
an' I'm durned if I know whether to
charge ye as a single rig or a double
team."
Neglected Sheep
ALL Farmer Hayseed's hands were in
the village choir. At Christmas
they used to come round to their
master's home, and after much singing, or
rather bawling, receive a gratuity. This
Christmas being an extremely dark night,
they took a stable lantern with them, and
arranged themselves on Hayseed's lawn.
They had .scarcely got through the first
verse of "While Shepherds Watched,"
when the old farmer's head appeared at
the window and a voice floated through
the air.
"Say, you chaps," roared the glum
looking farmer, as he threw a handful of
monev to the peace disturbers, "I'll give
my blessing freely if you'll only sing
Christians., Awaks, or "Ark, the 'Erald
Mangels Sing,' but, for 'eaven's sake,
don't 'e sing 'While Shepherds Watched.'
Last Christmas whiles you were a mur
rlerin' that same tune, villyuns come 'long
an' lifted eight "' ma best sheep from un
der you bloomin' noses."
A Prize Bird
AN' old Scotchwoman had a reputation
far and near for her fine fowls, and
had often been awarded prizes at the
neighboring shows. During the Christ
mas season a gentleman staying in the
neighborhood, hearing her poultry so
highly praised, resolved to give her a trial,
so sent an order for the finest turkey she
had. and after a little delay was delighted
to receive as line a specimen as could be
wished for.
This delight, however, was short lived,
for on trying to carve the .bird, he found
it so tough as to resist all his efforts. En
raged, he sallied forth to find the woman
who he believed had swindled him.
After listeningrtQ his outburst of wrath,
he exclaimed: ''Hoots, mon, why ye
canna tell a guid fowl when ye see ane.
That buggly-jock's ta'en th' first prize at
th' show for th' last seven years!"
Mixed Characters
THIS one is told on a certain pugilist
who is far better acquainted with the
big names of fistic chronology than
with those in the school history books.
Having reached England in the course
of his pugilistic travels, he was patron
ized by a nobleman with sporting tastes.
A week-end visit to the country estate
was in order.
The gentleman personally conducted his
guest about the mansion, and when they
arrived at a certain pretentious bedroom,
he said, with pride: "Here, sir, is where
tlie great Nelson slept."
The pugilist stepped over and touched
the high, white-covered bed appreciative
ly. "Gee!'' he remarked, "leave it to the
Battler to pick a soft one!"
Profit in Truth
WHEN illicit distilling was common in
Ireland, there was an old man who
went about the country repairing
whiskey pots, The gauger met him one
day and asked him what he would take to
inform him (the gauger) where he had
repaired the last whiskey pot.
"Och," said the old man; "I'll just take
half a crown."
"DoneT' retorted the gauger. "Here is
your money, but be careful to tell me the
truth."
"Och, I'll, tell you no lie, sir. I just
mended the last whiskey pot where the
hole was."
Looked Like It
AETER shaking hands at the ferry dock
the other day. one colored man in
quired of another: "Didn't you
marry the Widow Jones de first of Jan
uary?" "Dat's me I did, was the an
swer; "but I've dun left her." "Why,
how's that?'' "Well, de fust week she
called me honey; de next week she sulked
around and called me old Richards; the
third week she cum for me wid a flat
iron, an' I'se kinder got a hunch she don't
like me."
How He Knew
TOMMY arrived home one day with a
nice new golf ball.
"Look at the lost ball I found on
the links, pa," he said.
"But are you sure, Tommy," asked his
father, "that it was a lost ball?"
"Oh. yes," said the boy. "I saw the
man and his caddy looking for it."
Overloaded
TWO men were complimenting each
other on their habits of temperance.
"Did you ever, neighbor," said one,
see me with more than I could carry?"
"No, indeed." was the reply, "but I have
seen you when I thought you had better
gone twice after it.
An Aspiration
IN a country paper in Kentucky there
recently appeared this church notice:
"First Baptist, afternoon services at 3
o'clock, especially for old people; subject,
'Mountains on the Road to Hell.' Solol
'I Want to Go There,' by Mrs. Blank."
So It Is
n
A LOWLY colored man who had ambi
tions to own a watch, but could not
read time from one. purchased a dol
lar watch recently, attached it to a strap
and hung it from his coat lapel, putting the
watch in the top pocket of his coat.
Sauntering down Lombard street, he met
another colored man who likewise aspired
to own a watch, but could not tell time
either. The following conversation en
sued: "What you-all got there, Bill?" asked
the colored maiv,who met the owner-of
the watch.
"Got a watch." said Bill.
"Can you tell the time?" asked the
friend.
"Of cose ah can!' he replied.
"What time is it, then?" asked the
friend.
"Find out you-seJf," said Bill.
He pulled out his watch and showed
it face up to his friend, who looked at it,
stared a moment and then replied:
So it is. so it is," and he walked away..
He had at least made his friend believe
he, too, could tell time.
Reversing the Code
rHAT do you mean by writing me
that my Jimime cant pass into
the next grade?" stormed an
irate female, bursting into the principal's
room. "An' after him doin' such grand
work all the year."
"Why, Mrs. 'Flaherty," replied the
teacher, "you must know better than that.
I've sent you his report cards every month
and you know that his marks have been
nearly all 'Ds.' "
"Indade they have, and y it you say he
can't pass. I don't understand it, mum."
"I am afraid you don't understand our
system of marking. D means deficient,
you know."
"Sure, I don't know phat that may be,
mum, but Jimmie told me all about the
letters. Sure 'D' is dandy, 'C is corking,
'B' is bum. an' 'A' is awful an' he's got
'Cs' and 'Ds' ivery month."
Lost His Reckoning
0
NE of this world's unfortunates was
arrested in Covington for loitering,
and when taken before the judge to
be dealt with was asked by that official,
"My good fellow, do you live in. this
town?"
"Nope," said the prisoner.
"Where are you going?" inquired the
judge.
"To heaven," came the answer.
"Take him below," commanded the
judge. "He is crazy or he never would
have come to Covington on the trip he
says he is taking."
How to Halt
TWO countrymen were among the re
cruits mustered on the drill ground,
and one of them, remarkably raw,
asked his companion what to do when he
got the order to "halt." "Well," was the
reply, "when he says 'halt!' yez bring the
fut that's on the ground to the soide of
the fut that's in the air, and thin remain
quite motionless!"
u
As the Cartoonists Interpret Current Events
GETTING AWAY WITH THE
AND HE TRIES SO HARD.
REAL and NDAB
Lane's Misapprehension
SECRETARY LANE of the department
of the interior went out to dinner one
evening at the home of Senator New
lands of Nevada. Shortly after the guests
were seated Lane or Newlands made a
chance remark that started- an argument.
Newlands went on to state his side of the
case and talked all through the. soup
course. Lane sat with his soup spoon
poised half way up from his plate, onthe
alert to jimmy in with a word at the first
opportunity, but Newlands continued his
dissertation. Courteous attendants came
and took away the soup and brought on
fish. Still Newlands continued to eluci
date his side of the question, whatever it
was. He talked and talked and talked.
Lane kept clearing his throat and backing
off, as you might say, for a quick plunge
into the conversation, but couldn't find an
opening. Finally, when Newlands did
pause to put a bite of something into his
mouth. Lane, who has a sense of humor,
arose from his chair in mock indignation
and asked: .
"Where's my hat and coat?" )
"What's the trouble?" gasped the- host.
"Well," said Lane, with gravity, "I find
that I came here under a serious misap
prehension. I thought you asked me out
to give me a dinner, not a monologue."
Vardaman Handsomest
SENATOR CHILTON of West Virginia
was presiding, for the nonce, over the
United States senate in the absence of
Vice President Marshall, who had stepped
out into the lobby to take a few quiet,
thoughtful puffs at a five cent cigar.
Senators Thomas of Colorado and Var
daman of Mississippi, both Democrats,
arose simultaneously, each earnestly desir
ing to say something and demanding rec
ognition. If one had stood up a. , second or two
sooner than the other, the decision would
have been easy. But as they had arisen
very much at once, Chilton faced a prob
lem in deciding which one to recognize.
Finally he said:
"The gentleman from Mississippi," and
Vardaman went ahead with the remarks
he desired to get off his chest.
After Chilton had stepped down from
the chair a friend suggested:
"That must have been a trying mo
ment when two senators got up at the
same time. How did you decide between
Thomas and Vardaman?"
"Well," replied Chilton, "I found my
self in pfactically the same position as
the preacher who desired a second wife
after his first one died. He had always
preached against second marriages, but he
was obliged to renege on this, and one
day he asked from the pulpit how many
women in the congregation would be will
ing to marry him. Two got up, one an ex
ceptionally handsome woman, and the
other not so handsome. They arose
simultaneously just as the two senators
did today. The preacher turned to the
DOUGH
THE SENATE CONSIDERS THE SHIP BILL
Baltimore American.
TOO
"MY OWN HAT.
Baltimore Star.
handsomer of the two and said, 'I be
lieve you got up first.'
"I thought of that today," explained
Chilton, after he had finished his little
E arable, "and so I recognized Vardaman
ecause it seemed to me that he was, per
haps, the handsomest."
One on James
HEN the fight in the senate on the
president's purchase bill first
reached the acute stage. Senator
w
James of Kentucky, so the story is, be
gan to send SOS telegrams to his col
league, Senator Camden, who had been
called back to Kentucky. James urged
Camden to forsake all and hasten to
Washington to vote on the bill. When
Camden didn't come rapidly enough James
went to the sergeant-at-arms and insisted
that he send a man, if need be, and fetch
Camden here. Later on James learned
what he had not known before, that bis
colleague was against the bill, and that
Camden's arrival added one more vote to
the other side. As it turned out, the bit
terest remarks made in the debate on the
measure were those that James directed
against Camden.
Barometers of Mirth
ACTORS who appear in Washington
playhouses are always greatly pleased
when either Chief Justice White or,
Speaker Clark is among those present.
Eachof these is an ''awfully good audi
ence," as the players express it. If the
play is a comedy, the chief justice of the
supreme court relaxes and his face is a
study. It definitely registers the exaci
degree of fun he is deriving from the
piece. The comedian who keeps one eye
on the chief justice can tell just how his
lines are getting across. All this applies
also, say the actor folk, to Champ Clark.
The speaker rarely- laughs out loud, no
matter what the occasion, but gets a
funny little amused, satisfied expression
on his face that is an inspiration.
Some Ride
THERE is a town in California named
HERE
I Capa City, says Representative Bill
xveixner oi inai staie. VJiie mcnt a
tramp boarded a freight train at Capa City
and rode until daylight before he was
thrown off the train. He picked himself
up, blinked about him sleepily, and saw
written on another car: Capacity 18,000.
"Huh. Capa City 18,000 miles away,"
murmured the tramp. "Some ridel"
What Country Needs
AT the close of a speech by a certain
member of the United States senate
the -other day Senator Kern gave a
couple of little grunts of annoyance and
remarked:
"What is needed in this country is a
literacy test for senators."
(Cbpyrtght. 1915, by Fred C. Kelljr.)
Chicago Herald.
EMIL"
Albany Knickerbocker Preaa.
THE history of the Bulgarian nation
has been that of one difficulty after
another until the Bulgars have be
come inured to trouble and are at their
best when confronted by such crises as
that which now seems to lie before them.
Their whole life as ' a people has been
a continuous succession of struggles
against overwhelming odds, struggles in
which they have suffered bitterest misery
and hardship and in which they have
never failed to show a sublime steadfast
ness and endurance, according to a study
of this youngest of kingdoms prepared
for the. National Geographic society by
James D. Bourchier.
Bulgaria, probably more than any other
Balkan land, this writer says, has felt
the weight of Turkish misrule and. op
pression. It lies in the central part of
the Balkan peninsula, near to the reach
of the great Turkish military centers of
former days, Adrianople and Constan
tinople, and embraces a rich agricultural
country from which the Ottoman over
lords have drawn heavy returns. Due to
this value of its soils and to its handy
position, Bulgaria has been held more
firmly under the yoke of the Turk than
any other Christian nation in this ill
fated territory.
The Bulgarians were the last to recover
from the Turkish oblivion into which
they had been sunk for hundreds of years
by their Asiatic conquerors, Mr. Bour
chier continues, and in their efforts to
find political freedom and union for their
The Portland Rose and Its Charm
(Continued From Page One)
Later on these same experts will offer
suggestions for planting bulbous plants,
shrubbery or annuals to form designs, fes
toons and other floral decorations to
break the monotony of the hedges and
help form the monster bouquet of millions
of roses that Portland annually offers
tourists as one of the many wonderful
sights of the city.
On view in Portland's One Million rose
garden at Peninsula Park are climbers,
bush, dwarfs and standards, besides the
new varieties introduced each year. The
roses and other flowers have been planted
to produce a wonderful color effect, and,
with searchlights playing on the flowers
in June, during festival week, the garden
will prove one of the grandest floral dis
plays ever seen. Fountains, pergolas and
entrance gates will be rose-bedecked.
The city beautiful committee has an
organization which divides the city into
districts, boundary lines between the pub
lic schools District executive committees
have been appointed consisting of the prin
cipal of the school in the district, members
of the parent teacher association, grade
teachers' association, improvement and
commercial clubs. Larger districts have
two and three subdivisions.
This division of the work is in charge
of A. E. Doyle, and the duty of these com
mittees is to encourage the planting of
roses, trees, shrubs and flowers and the
cleaning up of vacant lots. Mayor ATbee
set aside February 12 as general "cleanup"
day, and a great deal was accomplished in
the way of removing rubbish from vacant
lots, painting unsightly spots, using the
rake to advantage in back yards, and the
planting of hundreds of rose bushes and
WORK, NOT ALMS
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
U. S.: "I DONT THINK I'D LIKE THESE CLOTHES"
Sew York World.
race, they have found themselves not :
only confronted by the power of Islam,
but with the hostility of all surrounding
sister nations. During the years of their
writhings under the Turkish heel, the
Greeks added religious oppression and
economic oppression to the efforts of the
Turks. Russia has repeatedly loomed
threatening on their horizon, while Rou
mania and Servia both earlier free of
the Islamic domination have added to
the persistent little nation's troubles.
Out of their centuries of Buffering and
dogged efforts the Bulgarians have de
veloped a fine determination, a heroic
love of race and country which shows no
limit of individual sacrifice in its behalf.
Ihey have tenacity, they have shrewdrjess,
and they have a familiarity with desper
ate situations, which, if it has not bred
contempt, at least has bred a courage for
whatever trouble Fate may have in store.
It was not until 1885 that Eastern Rou
melia revolted from Turkish rule and
united with Northern Bulgaria, and it was
not until October. 1908, that Prince Fer
dinand proclaimed Bulgaria an independ
ent kingdom. Thirty years passed after
the Bulgarian war for independence be
fore their freedom was officially recog
nized in Europe. Virile, laborious, thrifty,
persevering, courageous and anxious for
progress, the Bulgarians are daring to
dream great dreams for their little coun
try, and, today, as ever, their immediate
future seems to be beset by all manner
of difficulties.
other plants that will bear flowers this
year.
School Children Interested
One of the features of the campaign is
the part the schools have, and Mrs. Martin
Wagner, chairman of the committee, re
ports every school scholar in Portland is
talking roses and city beautiful. In this
connecnon, material tor window Doxes ior
the school buildings will be made by the
pupils of the manual training schools, and
slips will be supplied by the parent teacher
associations.
E. T. Mische, chairman of the educa
tional section of the city beautiful commit
tee, is collecting a series of educational
articles on the rose and furnishing lectur
ers for clubs and societies, whose members
desire to learn more about rose culture.
"How, why, when and where to plant
roses," are subjects treated by the special
. ists who have offered their services to the
Rose Festival association.
Another important branch of the city
beautiful committee, under the guidance of
Mrs. J. K. Locke, is the division of sup
plies. An exchange has been established
where persons having rose bushes, slips or
plants of any character available for use
in the beautification campaign, may list
their plants and make request for supplies
in exchange to use in their own planting.
This committee does not undertake, how
ever, to supply materials gratuitously or
at any price, but is in a position to advise
residents of the city where the different
varieties may be secured, the quantities,
grades and prices.
The department of public works, of
which Mrs. G. J. Frankel is chairman, will
encourage the decoration of the city fire
stations and the beautification of vacant
lots, either with vegetable or flower gar
dens. The bureau of social equity will this
year place urns about the public library and
postoffice and keep them filled with cut
flowersduring the rose festival. This com
mittee'will be glad to hear from other or
ganizations willing to look after similar
decorations for public buildings of the city.
The publicity department, of which
Mrs. Bertha T. Voorhorst is chairman,
places articles in "daily and weekly news
papers on rose culture. School children
will be asked soon to prepare posters for
display in the windows of business houses
in every district of the city. These
posters will call attention to the city
beautiful campaign.
With more than 250,000 visitors com
ing to Portland this year delegates to
conventions in northwest cities, and tour
ists en route to, or returning from expo
sitions in San Francisco and San Diego,
special efforts are being put forth to en
courage the planting of roses, and prizes
will be awarded in the rose festival con
test, of which J. A. Currey is the chair
man. -
Elaborate Prize List Arranged
Competition in each district is divided
into three sections, except in the districts
wherein business places enter into the
competition, and there the total amount
set aside for prizes has been divided into
four parts and a separate section estab
lished for business places. In sections'
where only business places are located,
there are only two sections to the compe
tition, the same as the residential districts.
First, second and third prizes will be
given in each section, and as many honor
able mentions as the judges of the contest
may deem advisable.
To encourage the beautificatibn of
parking strips, which visitors to the city
will first observe, all judging and award
ing will be based entirely on what is Visi
ble from the street or sidewalks, and the
judges in making up their award will not
go upon the premises to investigate unless
they desire to closer examine details of
what is visible from the street.
Section one of the contest includes
all plots of improved ground 50x100 feet
or less in size and section, two all
plots over 50x100 in size. Section three
includes jilots of vacant land without re-'
gard to size and section four business
places in residential sections without re
gard to size.
Section four, covering the business
district of the city, will be judged by the
committee as follows:
Window boxes, 20 points; ornamented
lamp posts, 20 points; plants in tubs, 20
points; artistic arrangement, 20 points;
condition, 20 points.
Owing to the different character of
the various school houses and fire sta
tions, some of them being without sur
rounding grounds that can be beautified,
the judging of school houses and fire
stations will be based entirely on two
points, the first of which will be general
artistic appearance and second maintenance.