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About The Oregon daily journal. (Portland, Or.) 1902-1972 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 1, 1914)
THE OREGON SUNDAY JOURNAL, PORTLAND,, SUNDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 1. 1914, LITTLE STORIES, MORE OR LESS SERIOUS,' ON LIFE'S t LIGHTER: ' SIDE Sinking in the Country r, grand opr& method have not yet been applied to church singing i a' Messed old minister arose and an nounced the number of the hymn he desired the congregation to sine He -followed the old custom of "Unto out" tKan kvmH fttat. i Va. Mjkti A Mail ea . - me a n www vtsba ear 1Im e al a l avA ffrefttloit would ilng It. . . -The first line wai m followgr Wsh iti-ui ThAa St ttAA f rtr F1Hv ia . a - - . . KV(icieMiun iiisu -ur tiup suv was on such a high key that when ' "tea thousand strong" was reached everybody was up In a screech. fTm afraid that's too high," said, th -benevolent old man, "too high on the ten tnoosana strong - - His difficulty) was solved by an old it now wno siooa up iar oacx in id church and exclaimed . la a nasal -voice: ' : "All rtaht, then; print It down to one thousand." ? A Difficult Ctoic ' MIL PLOWDEN. the well known London marietrate. who has just retired from the '. bench, has a Xreat repertoire of rood stories. Ills favorite one relates to a ease In which he appeared as counsel. In aaw vvui svv v buia uwa lis uev w - cross-examine the wife of a notorious burglar. : , . , - asked, j. r . . ; i-i-K'.: "I am, sh replied. . "Tpu knew he was a burglar whoa you married hlmr ho proceeded, i "1 did." she admitted. - ''How could. yoti possibly marry uch j "Well, it was Uke this,- the witness explained confidentially. "I was get-: ting old, and two chaps wanted te . marry me. It wasn't easy to choose hfttwean 'am. but In tha and I marrlad BUI there... The other chap was a lawyer same as you, sir." Her Wandering Boy THE telephone bell jingled merrily In -the" officer's room1 at Central umuvII . IH9 - UIUOI . Uauf - "'"4 feminine vole replied to a corporal's . "Is dis der poleese station r " "Yes, madam." "Veil, I want you to' find my poy Jakie anr-send him home." "What has Jakie doner jiuuoinin. oui no won t stay noma ?at nights. He just runs around and l. (inr siAtin4 A tn l aAmattmaji V a Jt aai aaavMMx . faaa swuivmiuv iiw wu V get home till nearly 10 o'clock." "He vu It his last birthday.r' "Madam. gently replied the of fi- r , cer, "you had better; let Jakie alone.' 11- WM .K .1 H f IHUVBUlf Slav au kA. ! . I ' .. . ':''.:.'r TLe CLauffeur Lunct. rp R AVEXINO . through New England i.l.k 1- I J . . A . . . wiui 'in wui una iw wain stopped one day for lunch at a good ' hoteL After the meal was over, the automobtltat said to the waiter: . "Bring the MIL please. We have had ' four sandwiches"and four pieces of ap ple pie. Watt a moment, though. - What bee the chauffeur had downstalrsT" . '"The , chauffeur,'-str, replied the waiter, "had a Parmesan omelette, a -gtllled brook trout, lamb cutlets and peas, an ice, a cup of black coffee, a IS cent elgar, and a pint of champagne.. The. Floor of the i House : THBRE Is a legend that! Kelr Hardle . 1 once astounded the house of com mons by appealing within Its precincts n sk smn mn imi rsarria.i i m m. m rnw na told ' soma years ago of an experience he had at Westminster some time after, i he becaraa an M. P. Just before open ing day of a session, he -went to the iouse of commons library to consult . some books, and found his way barred by a friendly, but firm policeman. ' Some -workmen were busy repairing,, the roof at the time,, and the policeman aaked Hardle: . - : "Are you working here, mate? - J "Yes." reDlied Hardle. I "On the roof?" continued the police man. 1 ; "No." replied Hardle: "on the floorl ' A Correct Diagnosii THE soldiers were dining, and order lies were hastening baok and forth with pans or steaming soup, woiaeiey 'stepped one of them and I ordered him , .to remove the lid of his pail. -.The man obeyed promptly, and the general said: Let me taate it?" "But" began Uhe orderly. t'Iet ma taste itl I say!" ex claimed the general. "It's for all, the world Uke dishwater." "That's what It is. sir," said the orderly, saluting. gravely. RANDOM SHOTS AT HUMAN ADMIRATION . i i 'i ii n i i APPALLING NEWS ' -Chicago Evening Post. ' v fSt. Joseph yews-Press. V ; -Petrolt News. ENGLISH ROADS PROVE THEIR EFFICIENCY ' By Herbert Corey. LONDON. War haa ' worked a! - railroad, miracle. Nine-tenths . of the British railroad re and, have .been j tn ,tha Jhandaiof th , gov' . ernment, one million 1 men have been transported on - time to a second. The , public, has i not been seriously Ineon- , venienced. i The government Is aatls fleoV and so are the railroads.' Noth ing like It ever happened before. There' are no standards of comparison. "The government." said Lord Kltnh . ener, in effect, to the general mana' gers of the railreada, "will take over your lines 1 In order to - facilitate the movement of troops. ; ' ' - One can 1 faintly. Imagine the yelp that would have gone! up if the same thing had - been . proposed in the United States. There the roads would have been j managed by a commission of politicians In frock coats and tan shoes. Maybe a few : Interstate com merce commission .members would have been i stirred In : for the flavor, The administration any administra tionwould have - either ' fought the roads or favored them. The roads 1 would have either acted like martyrs on particularly -hot fires, or would -have given the' observing public the idea that they were i trying to hide their loot. 1 Ove here "Fine. said the railroad managers, heartily, at 'We'll help you. "Then get on the Job," said Kitch ener. . i. - - .v .,,!:... . r ,- . How It Was Managed. " This" was at the outset of hostilities. Kitchener . wanted to transport varl ohs bodies of troops, 150,000 in all, . from various towns- to various ports ; on the east coast. Absolute secrecy was enjoined in order that the' enemy should not get wind of the plans. He a . aar . Seattle Times. wanted to transport' other troops , to various' garrison towns and. take re cruits to training camps. It was desire able that the traveling- arrangements of ; he publlo b not L upset, .. It . was essential; that railroad, finances be not Injured. England'a pocketbook was being pinched badly enough; anyhow., . "We'll run things," said the rail-. ' road managers. -i-- - :.--1'v . They formed a committee of 10, of, which H. A. Walker, of the London, A Southwestern, road, was chairman. Ona of the members was Henry W. Thornton, that -former Long Island railroad man , whose translation to England last spring brought such a shower of concrete bouquets about his . head. ; They sat down and considered things. v.i I, - t-;,- "It wo can keep our roads up in as good condition as w usually do, and earn the same net on our stocks that we did last year, we'd bo mighty lucky," said the managers to each ' other. : "We will make that proposi tion to the government. . ! - It waa accepted.' The government doesn't pay a penny directly for the movement of troops. Now and then it wants to shoot the North Goose shire Rifles from one end of England to another. It notifies the general managers' committee. They attend to the transportation, obeying the wishes of .- the government as to time , and place ,as nearly as conditions permit. That . particular transaction thereupon ends. No one has kept account of the number of men-miles used. At the ond of the fiscal year the managers will present a bill, including the five-, year average cost of upkeep and last' .year's net earnings. . The government' .will pay it. The roads will not have lost any money through the war, and the government, will have been given a service that could not have been so NATURE.REGORDED BY PICTURE WRITERS WHEN HE LEFT HIS CYCLE CAR -rwwwfT sjsassaa Chicago Evening HISTORY: MAKERS excellent If bargained for on the piece plan. . . ; , . Worked in Secret. ...The. 10 general manager who rep-, resent all the railroads In England, although one-tenth of the roads Have not yet been commandeered created an organization. Private and secret telephone wires were run from the . central office to the bureau which waa set up ,ln the office of each railroad. In eacH bureau 'experts worked prac tically under turned .'keys. They worked out all details of each re quired movement. "The Great Eastern" to create an Illustration "will move 80.000 men to morrow. To do this 2000 cars and t engines are needed." ' The , general " manages thereupon assjjrned to the Great . Eastern an many engines and cars as it needed. It had no bill, of cpats to face for them. In order to take care of Its passenger traffic Great Eastern tick ets were made good on all competing lines. So far as possible, both for the sake of secrecy and In order not to Inconvenience the public, the troop movements . were made at night. This wasn't always possible. This placard was often seen on . London's walls: , '.. - . "For three days the London North western will be closed to the public." There was no friction. .How far this fact may be accounted for by the well known characteristics of Lord Kitchener and how far by the desire of the general managers to help Eng land in her time ' of trouble no one can say. I incline, to the belief ' that the general managers were Inspired by patriotism. There Isn't any pull back and be-d evil visible in England anywhere. eV Every one is anxious to help where help- is needed. ' The flaw -sisj -an rm -ssa-BBBBk-awaaMaM w - -i m . : " " GRANDMA THE Post. . , -. . ' Chicago Evening Post. ' WHO SAID THE PEN IS MIGHTIER? IN TRANSPORTING TROOPS lies In the English Inclination toward belittling enemies, k Too many . think that no help waa needed, . r Soldier Have Right- ot Way. On every road the soldiers and their goods have the right of way. When ever possible , the existing trains are not disturbed.' When those trains In terfere with the troop movement, they are cancelled as ruthlessly aa though they : were motor buses. 'What : this means In England can hardly be ap preciated by, those who iive in America, Some of these trains have become institutions. Traditions have' clustered about them, as though they were ruined -' abbeys. They ' almost have Ivy. . . V . "The movement of the one million soldiers," said Mr. Thornton, "was the moat remarkable example of railroad efficiency I have ever witnessed. The schedule men ; would work out a time card. . At the - appointed moment a train would pull up at some little eld-; ing, perhaps miles from any consid erable town, i Right on - the .dot that train would pull out. It .would main tain schedule time on lines that had been 'cleared In advance. I do not be lieve there was a singled serious de- lay In all this period." . ' A most important feature of the commandeering, of course, is that England's finances were not dis turbed. - More men rely wholly upon the lneome produced r by ' investments in railroad stocks and bonds In Eng land, perhaps, than in any other coun try in the world. The war : would have seriously Injured the railroads, even if there had been ? no -military complications. It Is to bo doubted 1 if they would have jdono two-thirds of a normal business. The assurance of normal upkeep and last year's net return meafet safety to them - and DEMON CHAPERONE i. ! l freedom from . anxiety ' to their share holders. :' The government profited by an arrangement which was the ideal of simplicity and efficiency. And if there has been one word of criticism, uttered by. any one I .haven': heard It. Surely none has been print ed. . That, alone, is a record of which England may he proud.- Faithful to the End A, REPORTER on a Kansas City paper was among those on a re- ; lief train that was being rushed to the scene of a railway wreck in Missouri. About the first victim the Kansas City reporter saw was a man sitting In the road with his back to 'a fence. He had. , a black eye, his face was VKmwbat scratched and his clothes were " badly . torn but ho was entirely calm. 1 - The reporter jumped to the side of the man against the fence. "How many hurt?" he aaked of the prostrato one. .; v ,.-.:.; "Haven't heard of anybody being -hurt." said the battered person. , "What was the cause of the wreck? "Wreck TV Haven't heard of any ' wreck." '- ' "You haven't heard of any wreck? Wh are you, anyway?" - - "Weil, young man, I don't know that that's .anyof your business, but I am the claim agent of this road" ' On With the Dance A YOUNG couple were sitting In the concert cafe and listening atten tively to the orchestra. "What'o that they, are playing?" he asked. "Aren't you ashamed," she answered, "not to recognize that! Why, that's Handel's Tango!" ...i " ' , - A i. Colored i PKilosopKer 'NB hot July afternoon - Rastus : - Johnaon, a gentleman of - color, i and his family of nine, who depended almost entirely on the town for their support, started away from home, alt togged out in their beet, each carrying a supply of eatables. One bf their .v benefactors happened tc- meet s thenr . on the road. - . "Well,-Uncle Bastus, where are yoi ... h going with all your family so drsa upr'; he asked.. - , "Well, l boss, said Sam, fdoan r you know the circus am cofne ts townr "Ves, but I can't atTord .to take all ray family." f - ' x "Well, I'll tell yeribossi it's lea dla away ,wid ua. , We d,6ne sol de heatin tOY clu da winter am itaT offliut ' - the circus am hereT' I ' " 'f : Miased'tlie Most IT AXXi happened In the smoke' room of one of the liners as she was ap proaching Liverpool. Ha had during the voyaga freely given: evidences of nla immense lmportaneei but on this ; occasion ha even ' triumphed ovef hi former exploit. "Tea, gentlemen. I - may fairly say that I have seen about, all worth seeing in the cjvlliaed world. I have : visited the Holy Land; I have been to : Jerusalem, : Roma, Athens, Parlsv Vienna. I hava seen the finest pictures, the grandest natural views, the greatest sculptures, th Just . at that moment a vole broke in: "Say, ' mister, have you Aver had. the D. T.'ar "No, air, I am Troud to aay I have ' not, ' he answered In a .shocked voice. . "But way?" . -Well, 5 then, aU X can say la yon have seen fcowt1 The Better to Frame DANTE GABRIEU ROSETTI 'once showed Whlajtjer a sketch -and asked his opinion of Its merits. "It has -good points, Kossetti." said Whistler. "Go ahead with It by all meana. Later he Inquired Jiow It was gettUrg along. '"All rttfht, "answered RossettC cheer fully. "Tve ordered a stunning frarao-, for if. In due time ;the canvaa ap- V peared at Rossettl'a house In Cheyne Walk, beautifully framed.. ."You've , done nothing to It aince I saw it, have your said Whistler. "No-o." replied Rosaetti, "but I've . written a sonnet on the subject. If you'd 41ke to hear It," He recited some lines of peculiar ten dernesa. "Rossettl," said Whistler, as '-' mt recitation .enaea, "talc out picture, and frame the sonnet. the .i For; a Rainy I)ay THE careful husband had given his wife some money to put into the family sinking fund, but sha had spent it. Two or three days later aha asked for more. . ; . -"Didn'tI give you some Jaat Moir day"? he Inquired. In the well known manner of husbands under similar clr 'enmstances. ;y- -, -. "Yess but I spent lt r "Spent it? I thought you had laid it away for a rainy day?" - i iv: "I did. Henry, ehe smlldd, sweetly. "I bought a raincoat, an umbrella and a pair of rubbers with it.? j- The Old, Old Story ' HE. WAS long suffering traveler on a little, single track railroad, and he complained bitterly about the late ness of the train and Uhe irregularity of the service. The employe remon strated In virtuous indignation. . ' .Tvo been on this here line, sir, be began, "upwards of eight-years, and" "Have you,- indeed?" interrupted the traveler, sympathetically. "At- what station did you get on?" ,. Properly " Rehuked ' ; EMMA, queen-mother of ! the Nether lands, is the subject of many stor ies in her own country, where the peo ple adore her.' v"? ? During the tim when the acted a regent before ; the present Queen Wil helmina became of age. It la said that one morning Queen Emma was awak ened by a peremptory knocking at her bed room 1 door . '-'.-r - i j, "Who-?s there?" she asked.- - A: preiocloualy dignified - voice an swered,' jThe queen of Holland." -: The qUeen-mother quietly answered: "I am not dressed and 'therefore not able to receive her majesty, but If U is my lltjle girl, she may come in." Out of His Line' THE hostess asked the solid man of her'guest list to take a talkative young woman' In to dinner.' The girl did her best to' keep up the conversa tion, ranging' from Wall street to the Mexican war and back. Only onc did the solid man desert the unfailing af firmative and that wag when she asked: "Do - you - like Beethoven's wbrk?" "Never visited them," ha re plied. JWhat does be manufacture?" i i