The Oregon daily journal., November 01, 1908, Page 44, Image 44

.' THE. OREGON SUNDAY JOURNAL, PORTLAND, SUNDAY MORNING NOVEMBER 1 (
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M
RE
By Henry Wallace Phillips
JOHNNY TAPPERTQN sat under the shade
of the apple-tree studying hi grammar.
Ah, . no, io I wrong Johnny. If the
had been studying his grammar he
would have known more about it; for he
was a bright boy, was John. As it was he
. , had the grammar in his hand, and " occa
sionally his eye fell on the book, but his mind was full
of bitter regret at being obliged to stay there, when
everything' ppinted to a fishing excursion.
"It 's just nonsense, that 's what it is !" cried Johnny,
as he slapped the .grammar on the ground. "I don't
want to talk any better than I do now I Everybody
understands what I say. When I say 'It 's me,' they
know just as well who I mean as if I said 'It 's I'
better, when you come to that, for if I said 'It 's I,'
they would n't believe it was me at all. Now, there 's
Unc!e Fred ; he writes books, so he ought to know
what he 's talking about and he says that originality
is the great, thing. There yon are! That 's what I
want. I ddh't want to talk English, or United States,
or French I want to talk plain John Tapperton.
That would be original. Huh I they don't want a boy
to show any sense of his own. Every time I try to
speak in class, Miss Derwent says: 'Now, I don't
wish for any argument, Johnny; there it is in the took,
and if you learn ii that way it will be perfectly satis
factory to-me. You need n't take the trouble to im
prove it,' when, if she 'd just listen to me, I could
show her where the book is wrong in a minute. Well,
I suppose I 've got to get that lesson, so here goes."
He sighed deeply, and opened the grammar, reading:
"The objective case is governed by" Johnny stopped
there.
"Ho!" said he, "so you 're governed, loo, are you?
Well, I" feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for, anybody
that" 's governed. They 've just governed and civilized
all the fun out' of everything. Wish I was an Indian.
I just wonder what an Indian boy would' say if ihcy
stuck this old thing in his hands and said: 'Here!
learn this rule and the five hundred exceptions.' He M
give it to them!" Johnny lost himself in wondering
what form the proud red boy's answer would take.
He found some satisfaction in making it very warm.
Then he returned to his own affairs. , "Or I rwish I
had a bicycle. Then I could fix a sort of bookrack
on the handle-bars,- and learn my lesson as I went
along. There 'd be some fun in that. I could say,
'I '11 learn this rule before I get to Mr. French's house';
it would, make a sort of game of it although I don't
know that that would "ork just right, either," he con
tinued thoughtfully. "That 's how I came to break
Willy Smith's wheel figuring how I could feed and
water the horse without going out to the barn in the
morning. I just had it right when I ran into that old
baby-carriage. Gracious ! what a fuss they made ! And
it never htirt the baby a single , bit. You 'd have
thought I 'd done it on purpose. The nurse had no
business to leave the baby in the road that way. As
long as they have so many laws, they ought to have
one against leaving baby-carriages out in the road for
people to run into. - Wish I had a million dollars. I 'd
hire a detective to go after the man who wrote this
book, and if he 'd ever done anything wrong, I 'd .
send him to jail for the,rest of his life." This was
such a pleasant fancy that he spent some time in work
ing it out in different ways, lingering over the picture
of the author dragged weeping to a dungeon cell. "Bui
I have n't any million dollars, and I can't do it!"
groaned Johnny. Bother take the grammar! There
is n't a bit of sense in it from one cover to the other!"
He leaned back against the tree and shut his eyes,
whistling a random tune through his teeth, to which
he beat an accompanying tatoo with his fingers on
the despised grammar. The tune ran along without
Johnny's thinking about it, until at last, to- his sur-'
prise, a little old gentleman popped out of the ground
before him.
Johnny, sat up in a hurry and stared at his visitor.
He was the most peculiar-looking person that Johnny
had ever seen not over a foot high, very stout, care
fully dressed in black clothes, with a shiny beaver hat
on his head. He wore large gold-rimmed spectacles,
and his expression was dignified and severe.
"H'm!" said the old gentleman, clearing his throat.
"Well, my young friend, what can I do for you?"
"Do for me?" replied Johnny, too astonished to have '
his usual ready wits about him. "Why I don't know;
who are you, sir?''
"I am the one to whom you called but a second
ago!" . -
"B?g your pardon, sir some mistake here. I did n't
call you," said Johnny. -
"You surely did," returned the old gentleman. You
gave the' signal on .the book which I must obey I
and all other slaves of the book." '
Johnny's heart beat ' quickly. Jle knew Aladdin as
well as anybody. - ' -,
- "Are you a genie?" he asked anxiously;.
"Sir;" returned the old gentleman, circling his shiny
hat in a profound bow, "I am"
"""Well, hooray for you" cried Johnny.' "You 're just
the man I 'm looking for! I want a bicycle, and a mil
lion olIarlL and a shot-gun, and a dog, and a set of
carpenter's tools, and bQ.xing-gloves.'and a pound of
caramels." , 'i "v, '
T'm sorryj" said the old gentleman.'; ' -
"What jnakes you sorry?" demanded Johnny. II.
felt chilled by the old gentleman's-manner: ( . .
"Because those things are not in my resruiaf line
at all." "
"Well, but can't you get them for me?" '
"Oh, I suppose 1 could ; but I 'm not interested' in
those things, and they do not fall in the line of my
duties. I, sir, am the Genius of Language."
Johnny's face changed in a manner wonderful to
behold. ,
"If that is n't just my luck" he, groaned. "I can
always get slathers of the things I dorrt want! Well,
sir," he continued, speaking to the Genius,. "don't let
me keep you from anything you 've got to do. I. don't
care for your goods there 's too miich ' language
around as it is.".
''My dear young friend, that would be impossible !
There cannot be too much language. Every word
represents an idea, and to say that there could be too
manv ideas is ridiculous."
"Well, I doTt. know about th;;t; I seem to have too
many ideas," answered Johnny. "They only get mc
into trouble; so ydu need n't wait."
' "Pooh ! Nonsense!" exclaimed the old gentleman.
"I must' wait. You have summoned rne, and I must
do my duty. I shall have to attend you from day to
day until you have an appreciation of the beauties of
language."
"What!" screamed Johnny. "Do -you mean to say
that vou are going to tag around after me all the
time?" '
;rpiS----------.- , - - - - &3?rM
JjWu (' f if
A LITTLE Old gentleman popped out of the groln bffore him.
How Mr. Drake Went to Court.
M
hvar ob it.
(A Negro "Mammy V Bedtime Story)
B Y EMMA M. BACUS.
R. DRAKE was always pokin' 'bout in de
twiddles an' gullies, an' he fin' Jots ob
money; an', as he" had nowhar to spend
it, he save it up, 'ca'se he no use for it inr
de farmryard; an' he go .roun' an' talk
'bout it, so de rest ob de fowls dey soon
come to all know "brut his money, an'
some way before long M Buzzard he
Now. in cle olden time de Eagle art' de Buzzard dey
hof look jes' erlike ; hut de K-agle was de King ob de
birds, 'ca'se he was de braves' an' stronges' ob all de
whole tribe.
One day, when Mrs. Hen was walkin' roun' de barn
yard, she see er shadder oherhade, an' she squeak
out, "Oh, Mr. Drake, dar de King Eaglet" She don'
know no better; an' Mr. Drake he think it de King,
sho So when Mr. Puzrard comes sailin' down, Mrs..
I vis
"I do not mean to say I did say," returned the
Genius. "It 's past tense w."
"I w ish you 'd passed hence along- with it I sighed
Johnny.
The old gentleman took off his spectacles and rubbed
them with his handkerchief; then he put them on and
looked earnestly at Johnny. "That 's not a bad jdke
for' a boy," said he.
"Huh ! there you are again 'for a' boy,' " said
Johnny. "I 'm sick of those words. If it is n't a bad
joke for a boy, it is n't a bad joke for anybody. I
ain't going to stand that 'boy' business forever."
The Genius made an awful face, and shuddered as if
he had taken a dose of quinine. "Don't say 'ain't'
to oblige me, please don't say it," he begged.
Johnny looked at him in wonder. It seemed Jike
a great fuss over a trifle. Then a thought came to him
that set his heart beating. "He said he could get them
for mc,". Johnny said to himself, "and I believe I can
make him," He continued aloud: "What 's .the matter
with 'ain't'? It did n't ought to1, be such a poor word."
The old genlcman staggered back, gasping for breath.
"Oh, mercy!" he cried.
"I hope there ain't I mean, is n't -nothing the mat
ter with you?" inquired Johnny, politely. "1 was just
going to ray that I used to could make out without
.say frig 'ain't.' but lately very lately it seems to get
brung into everything,! 'm a-goin' to say."
The effect of this awful speech on the old .gentle
man was greater than Johnny had even hoped. Jle
turned pale and trembled; he had to take hold of a
bush to support himself. "Oh, my young friend, this is
terrible!" he moaned. 'I simply cannot stand it! Such
language ! My dear "child, if you will only desist, I
:liall sec about those trifles for which you asked at
first, but let me entreat you to adopt some manner of
speaking which is n't quite so underbred!"
,oiv here, of course, is where Johnny should have
strpped. lie bad hir- heart's desires in his reach; the
hie;. cle, the million dollars, the shot-gun, the dog, and
a'.l the rest of the things were his for' the asking. But
liis great fault was not to know when to stop, fie was
carried away with the success of his plan, and the feel- .
ing of power it gave him, so he said:
"Why. I don't believe I 've got no way of speaking
which ain't no underbredder."
The old gentleman gave a feeble bleat, and dropped
to the ground with a sound like a large apple falling.
His little high hat. rolled away over the grass.
Johnny stood stupefied for a second at thi result'
Then he ran tothe old gentleman. "Pshaw 1" he ifc
"He 's only fainted." But when he came to look at
his victim closely, there was no concealing the trutrW
The Genius was undergoing some mysterious change. ;
"Can't I, get you a drink of water?" asked Johnny
frightened at the other's appearance.
"Let me alone, young man" answered 4he-GeniusV
in a sad, weak, voice. 'ILeave me to my troubles it,
is too late for succor. I am a cleft infinitive, a verb
without a subject" .. "'-.",Vi '.
These remarks were all grammar to Johnny, but th
tone convinced him that the old gentleman took a"
serious view of the situation, so he said encotirag'-.
ingly, "Oh, I hope the case js 'nt so bad as that!"
Still, while he tried, to be brave about it, his heart,
swelled with disappointment. The old gentleman wai'
vanishing, and with him would go all hopes of bicycles",
millions of dollars, and the rest of it. It was a bitter,:
bitter disappointment As usual, he first cast around:
for someone else to lay the blame upon, but-not with
success. It was Johnny's fault, every bit of itand
for once in his. life he admitted the truth. "X have,
been altogether too smart this time," he Whispered to.
himself. Meanwhile the Genius was repeating Johnny's;
words. . ; - : ' f
"The case !" he murmured. "Circumstances alter
cases! A moment ago," he continued, tapping himself
on the chest with one pudgy finger, "I could proudly:
and grammatically say that this corporeal entity as
mine: now all my feeble strength can compass is to
shout, without regard for, truth, grammar, rhetoric,
the rights of man to shout, J 'say: 'It 's ME-iMj
E-E-K-EA-OWOOO!' " . vJ '
At this startling and unexpected ending, which seemed
to roar in his ears with, a stunning clamor, the bojri
sprang up, knocking a furry something fully twenty,1;
feet away in one frightened, vigorous sweep of his
arm. , ( ':
"Why!" he cried, in complete astonishment, the,
stately old gentleman of the rnpment before' blending
confusedly with a very real and offended black cat,;
which stood staring at him from a distance. "Huh!;
was it you, Captain, old boy? Well, you nearly scared,
the life out of me!" Then he thought recent events'
over soberly, "ft was only a dream," he said to himj
self ; "but there 's no doubt about it I was too smart'
I 'II turn over a new leaf tomorrow; but just now I
think I '11 go fishing," -
Hen scrape her foot an' drag her wing, an' so do Mr.
Drake an' all de rest; an' Mr. Drake he bow low, ah'
he say,."Goftj mawnin', 'King Eagle." Mr. Buzzard feel
mighty proud when he see dey take him for King tiagle,
so he glare he eye, an' walk like he got on top-boots,
an' try to hoi' he hill up an look grand, twcll -Mr.
Drake feel very "umble.
Den Mr. Buzzard say, "I hyar yo' got some money;
.V 4 AS f
V
1 f Yfil k
MR. MOCKIN-Li-BIRD RESCUES THE DRAKE.
don' yo' want to lend it to me at intrust? I '11 pay
yo' good intrust." Mr. Drake '. say, "Yas; I '11 be
proud to 'blige yo'." An' he crapes up he money,
an' bring it to Mr. Buzzard, an' he say, "Hyar 's de
money. King, an' I don' want "no intrust; it am a
great honor to lend yo' money." But Mr. Buzzard he
'sist that he goin' to pay intrust; an' he roll he eye,
an' hold up he hade, an' fly erway up in de slty twell
dey see nffin' but er black speck.
Mr. Drake feel proud an' set up. But er' long time
go by, an' he don' get no intrust of no money or no
word frum de King. An' he git oneasy, an' he, say
he gwine to de r't an' ax for he money. But he wait
erwhile longer twell he patience all gone, den he start
off on de long journey to de. co't ; an' on de way he
pass er pore Mockin'-bird wid he foots fasten to er
lime-tree, an' Mockin'-bird say, "Oh, . Mr. Drake, my
foots is stuck fast, an' I can' git erway!" Mr. Drake
feel very sorry for him, an he say, "I '11 help yo' " ;
an' he go an' fotch some water in he bill, an' soak'de
Mockin -bird's foots twell he git loose; an' Mockin'
bird promise Mr. Drakeif he eber had a- chance ter
do him a good turn, he will recomember.
Den Mr. Drake journey on, an' toreckly he come
to de seashore, an' dar was de co't'on er big rock, an
, KiiigvEagle on de throne, an' all his orsifers. Hawks,
Peacock's an' urjef litds, settin' down in front ob him.
Mr. Drake "he walk straight up to King Eagle, an' he
say, "Quack, quack, -quack 1 I want my money back""
De King he greatly s'prised, an' he say, "What yo'
meani, sar, mak-tn all dat racket an' sturbin' de co't?"
Mr. Drake he tell him he done take he money an
promised him intrust, an', den neber send no word;
anLhV say, "Quack, quack, quack ! , I want my mQney
back !' " " - .
Den say de King "De bird am crazy; T neber see
, 'mnitoiborry money ob him"; an. he. tell Mr. Pea-
cock 'ter "rake "dat troublesome rascal off in de woods
ten miles erway, an' ib him er good beating an' let
him go." -' ; " ---'.:-; A-J. ' . .,
Deft Mr. Peaeock and nother orsifer walks Mr.
Drake erway, one on each side; an' when dey gits
hout er rtiite erwar in de woods, Mr Mockin'-btrd he
sees he o)d friend in such trouble, an' studies "bout
how he wine help him. Don soon Mr. Peacock hyar
er voice in de air oherhade, shoutin', "Rain, rain, rainl'-'-;
Dat was Mr. Mockin'-bird, but Mr. Peacock don't
know dat ; . an' dey say "We got ter be gittin. hom
'fore de rain; we might -jes' as well let Mr. "Drake
go, an' hurry back"; 'ca'se Mr. Peacock ain't gwine,
git he fedders wet nohow, if he kin help it. " So dey;
turn Mr. Drake loose, an' run off in great haste. -
Pore Mr. Drake feel very much insulted by hej
treatment at co't, an' he think it 'ca'se he seen ,er
olain, ugly bird, an' all de co't orsifers so fine; an'
de don) want ter go back no mo', but he want be money
powerful. So he clean up he clo'es, an' take he way!
back to co't, an' walk in as befo', an' say, "Quack, quacki
quack! I want my money back!"
An' de King he mo mad dan eber; an' he say. "fj
got ter git rid ob dis crazy bird some way"r an he
call Mr. Fox, an' tell him to "take Mr. Drake off to3
de woods an'-eat-him up." So Mr. Fox he pick tip
Mr. Drake, an' run off to de woods. ' ,
An' Mr. Drake think he time hab come. f
But when Mr. Mockin'-bird see" he of friend in such
danger, he feel he bound ter help himj an presenTy "a!
bird drap like he dade right in de path in (remt obj
Mr. Fox. - ' - ' i'
Mr. Fox say, "Hyar 's er good mouthful"; so he! j
try to hol' on ter Mr. Drake wid he foot while he eat j
de bird. But when he fin himself loosed Mr. Drake? j
run erway, an' Mr. Mockin'-bird fly up on de tree. Den J i
Mr. Fox hyar er noise like er man callin' er dog, an' I j
he think de hunters cbmin', and he run off home fas' I
as he kin go; -
' ,''' j
Den pore ol' Mr. Drake feel so 'umble an' lost heart,; j
an' he tell Mr. Mockin'-bird all the troubles.' AnMr, i
Mockin'-bird tell him, tak' courage; he knows daCjj
some mistake, 'ca'se de King am honorable. An'aodey":
journey back to co't once mo'; an' Mr. Mockin'-bird
set up on de tree to fin' out what de matter. . :
Pore ol' Mr. Drake he walk up to de King', brave,
an' he say up promp', "Qua'ck, quack, quack! I want my j
money back !" De King was mos' 'stracted an he bout
to hab Mr. Drake killed on de,spot, when Mr. jMocki
bird he see Mr, Buzzard workin' in.de mud down backl
ob de co't an' he say, "Oh, Mr. King, dar de feller?
dat pass off fo' yo' Majesty, an' borry de money !' .Jn.'l
de King was powerful angry, an he call up Mr. Buini
zard frum he work, an' mak' him pay Mr. Drake he
money. Den he order all de fedders stripped frum I
Mr. Buzzard's neck, an sand rubbed in he eye.- Sot
Mr. Bifzzard neber try to be taken for King Eagle jlnce
dat day. . ' .
.Mr. Drake say, "Thank yo'" to Mr Mockin'-bird, f'
an' he journey back, home, feelin' very jroud, an saylaV
"Quack, quack, quack ! I got my money back I"
MR. BUZZARD BORrjWS ll. JBRAKK'5 SAVINGS I
C0PVRI6HTBY THE CCNTORY "COMPANY
f-V-1---ci.-V-Vl-'V.'";- ""' ' -..'' '
Y.
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