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I I j-ifTV oa; - imagine a f' v 7 f i x r '
II ., more terrible battle . -' SjL,.v - v "' '
I , : , tnan.tiwt or insanity , M
S-l- pr wairinfe- I ", v T -&$&is
J
'SIS: you; imagine r. a
moreo terrible battle
, than'.tlujt of insanity
' .against reason; when
the two; forces grap
ple like warring de
mons in one's brainf
. This is the iTs.VhM!Tlsl'3A? "
who tells "how it feels to go crazyi! !?
plain words', in a clear, logical manner' he .
recalls nis sensations as nismina iumea;,of
the hallucinations and'visidnrthat filled Kis
brain as it was assailed by grim insanity; of
his impressions and emotions as reason de-'
serted its throne.
Never was penned, perhaps,
a more dramatic , history, than
this true' tragedy of the human
. j H '
. . X .
V f !.. -, '.!- a
brain. Prof essor WilliaiJamcs, of Har
vard University, calls it "a classic accoun t,
Jfrom) within,'-of an insane person's -psy-.
chology" ' For, the , strangest, part of the
whole story, isthe fact-that when the, nar
rator recovered his reasohe had not. for
'gotten , his experiences and agonies the
wonderful?mehtal -process that went on as
insanity gained' the victory.
"T TERY frankly and without reserve,. Zlr.
v V, Cliffcrtl.'Whittingliam-Beers, authorrof
: , Y -: the recently published book, "A Mind
. r -That "Found 'Itaelf,"; tells hia startling
tory. As an. interesting psychological study ,v
bo less thaa.as-a dramatic recital of facts, it
h&jl rarely ben 'equaled, , " , '
Mr. Beers: graduate of Yale in 1897, was
: insane for a period of . two years-r-f rom hi s
twenty-fourth. to his twenty-sixth ; year. :f Much,,
, oithoa time -was, spent ;iathree asylums, where;
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privately, conducted .-or suppprted by the state;
it is an earnest,. heartfelt plea for the suffering
ones who have not had the fortuno of Mr. Boers
in regaining reason.,
, Mr. Beers is now' about 30 years of age. His
return to sanity was sudden," instantaneous.
' "The molecules of, my mental magnet had
at'last turned) in the direction of right think
ing," he says.5 .In awordV.rhy mind had found
iiaeii.vjuy memory might be likenea to a pnoto-
vealed in nrore glory than most men ever see it
in, was a .compensating privilege which makes
me feel that my sufferiagwaa-dUtinctly worth
while." . - ' ' '
! How does a person become insane ? Through
what strange psychical experiences must one
,? pass when.on the awful road to madness! What
f 'isCthebodfir line between Vanity' and insanity?
V ; Aad howdo5the insane view;life; how do they
regard theVpeopIe about 1 them V, what are their
' thoughts, their , process of reasoning,' if they do
j - reason, in .their perverted way !
" These ; "e7VquestionS ; which have puzsled
, aljeaists--questions to which no definite answers
x have been found: In the dark, mysterious lab
' yrinths'ofithe human mind, the monster of in-
sanity, has never been tracuea 10 us iair. juau
negs has Jong been one of the avful-mysteries
baffling human understandings
, Coming at this time, of "particular interest
will be the startling account of Mr. Beers, which
he calls "the history of a mental civil war, which
I fought single-handed on a battlefield that lay
within - the compass of my skull. An army of
unreason, composed of the cunning and treacher
ous thoughts 'of an -unfair foe, attacked my be
wildered consciousness with cruel .persistency,
and would have destroyed me, had not a tri
umphant reason finally interposed a superior
strategy .that saved me from my unnatural self."
Mr. Beers traces the turning of his mind to
the illness- of an older brother, who was stricken
with epilepsy in June, 1894, while he was study
ing at Yale. Then this thought occurred to
him : "If a brother who had enjoyed perfect
health all his life could be stricken with epilepsy,
what was to prevent my being similarly af
fected?" This dread obsessed the young student's
mind. "The more I considered it, the more
nervous I became, and the more nervous, the
more convinced that my own breakdown was
only a question of time.
''Doomed to what I then considered a living
death, I thought of epilepsy, I dreamed epilepsy,
until thousands of times during the six- years
that this disquieting idea persisted, my over
wrought imagination seemed to drt.g me to the
very verge of an attack."
NERVES SEEMED TO SNAP
Fourteen months later a nervous break
came. During a recitation in German, in No
vember, 1895, Beers was attacked by a "sort of
paralysis ; he " declares ' he - felt as -though his
nerves had snapped. During the 'rest of the
term he did not attend recitations. - Continuing
his studies at home, he successfully passed the
-examinations, and .the following ; January took
his place in the classroom ; During the remain
der of the term, he says, he never entered a
classroom without a feeling of dread.x V " ,
. On June 30," 1897, Beers was graduated from
Yale. He secured a position in the office of the
collector of taxes in New Haven, and a year
later another in New York city. Eight months
afterward he became a clerk with one of the
sensations seized me and rendered me all but
helpless.
."I remembe trvinxr to sneak, and at times
finding myself unable to give utterance to my '
thoughts. Though T was able to answer ques- ,.
tions, thVt fact hardly diminished my feeling of
apprehension, for a single failure in an attempt ;
to speak will stagger any man, no matter what .
his state of health. I tried to copy certain rec
ords in the day's work, but my hand was too
unsteady, and I found it difficult to read the c
woras ana ngures preseuieu, v ujrviic imva-':
in blurred confusion.
Keturning hurriedly to his ' home in ;New
Haven, the unfortunate man went to bed. That
night the dread of becoming an epileptic became
a "false belief a reality. What I had long ex
pected I now became convinced had at last oo-'
curred. ' , '
TRIED TO END LIFE
"I believed myself to be a confirmed epilep
tic, and that conviction was stronger than any
ever held by a sound intellect. The hali resolve,
made before my mind was actually impaired, .
namely, that I would kill myself rather than
c i .i f -v , i i J':JJ . -.!
live tne me j, oreaaea, now uiviueu uxy iikuuwii"
with the belief that the stroke had fallen. From
tfiat time my one thought was to hasten tha
end." . "
On June 23 .; Beers attempted to commit "
suicide by jumping from the third-story window.
The bones in his feet were broken, but not for a
second did he lose consciousness. What was
most strange was, that the dread-of. epilepsy,
which had possessed hinjFor six years, waa-dissi-1'
pated as soon as-he twpfeed the ground. The"
shock, however, to the eVtne affected the brain,
and within a few hours his mind was completely ?
disordered. - .
He was taken to a hospital. The window of
the room in which the patient was placed was 1 ;
barred with iron. "My mind was in a delusional
ltate," declares Beers in his story, "ready t and
eager to adopt any external stimulus as a pre- k
text, for its wild inventions, and that barred
window started a - terrible train of 'delusions, . '
which persisted for 798 days." .
. . . 1 .- .11.: A - .
Having neara tnat persons wno aiwmpi
suicide are placed- under arrest, Beers became
. obsessed with -the. belief that he was under .legal
restraint, and thshevvfraulJ be taken into court
and triedl This-unhappy delusion persisted for
months. . ' .
. 'Believing that he waa being tortured in or
der that he, be compelled to make r confession,
the derihged man imagined that the hot poul
tices placed on his feet were, part 'of a "sweating
process." Hot saline solutions administered were
regarded as part of the excruciating process; the
nurses and visitors were believed to be detec
tives; in fact, he felt that, he was continually
under scrutiny. . .;. f----'''" t "'
' "But had a confession been due I could
hardly have made it," he declares, "for that part
of my brain which controls the power of speech
was seriously affected, and war soon Jo be fur
ther disabled by my ungovernaoie mucins.
smaller insurance companies. There were many Only - an occasional word djd I stter.
. j i CT f!rtaln hallucinations Of near
nervous periodslasting days, weeks or months.
A severe attack of ; grip -precipitated the final
'crash, on . June 23, 190Q t He quit work .an
June 15. v : , -v" ? '"-.. .-: U..'.:A' :" ;-';:'
"On that day;I. was compelled to stop, , he
CTBrtbift- film CflS r?aTKi lTir Poph imnrMiinn
'J ' seems to have been made in a negative way, and writes. .1 had reached apoint where my. wiU
5.r ;then, in af fraction:' of second,, miraculously r had to ,capitulateVto, -unreason that unscrupu-
aoivtrriino-fA'Tiia ti.ut. ifmUiM . itttwintitkA im1-iAt 'iwitiM . ".' ; ' . : lous usumer.' ". My Drevious neurastnenio condi-
were committed on the "helpless insane, ' -'No ma experi
The book:is written with ,th purpose of T I came as near to it as ever a man did. ; To leaver eoced alMhedisagreeable , sensations au oyer
. caniDfl. the public' attention to the mistreatment hind what,' in reality.was .a hell.; and in Jess ( worked and unstrung nervous system could sufj
of patients behind the bars of Asylums; whether Jla'-.cno eecoaihaveithisoodgreen earthre-:fer.:. But on .this day several .new and tcrrfyine r
Certain hallucinations of hearing, or 'laise
voices,' added to my torture. WUnin my range
of hearing, but beyond reach of miy understac-i-ing
there was a hellish veeaHium. .Now ami
then I would recogDize the subdued voice of a ,
former friend; now and thn I would hear th
voices of - some : who 1 believed were . not my
friends. . ' ' , , ,
"All these referred to me ai.d uttered J at
I could not elearly distinguish, but knw rhu
be imprecations. " Ghostly rarP'fg! on p f
; CONTINVED ON INSIDE PAGKJ
''.:J