THE MORNING ASTORIAN, ASTOMAi OREGON.
WEDNESDAY, SEPT.' 16
mm mi
Plans to Deliver Telling Speech,
but Audience Fails to Show Up.
PEOPLE DON'T WANT REFORM
Janitor and Two Reporters on Hand,
but Thoy Had to Bo Thort, aa It Wat
Mattor of Business With Thorn.
Several Look In.
ICopyrlfht, 1908, by T. C. McCluro.
For four consecutive evenings Mr.
' Bowser had spent two hours each
trenlnx In the library and had refused
- to explain his action to Mrs. Bowser.
Bhe knew that he bad been writing
. and hunting up statistics, but could
. get no further. For four days and
nights he went around with a deter
mined and heroic look on his face,
' but aa he came home on the fifth she
"saw that some sort of climax had
been reached.
Had he Invented a new style of bal
loon T
" Had be bought a huckleberry farm?
Had he found a substitute for but
ter? Had be found a sure cure for hog
cholera)
Had be solved the potato bug prob
lem? These and a hundred other ques
' ttocs flitted through her mind, but she
was to ascertain that Mr. Bowser had
done nothing foolish. Havtng announc
ed at the dinner table that duty called
him out that evening, he added
"Mrs. Bowser, it may be something
of a surprise to you, but I am going
to make a public speech tonight
hired Locust hall and gave out notices
three days ago."
"Is that why you have been acting
so mysteriously for the last few even
lngsf she asked.
. Had Been Posting Up.
"There has been no great mystery
about it 1 1 have had to have a lot of
"HUHDBBDS PEOBABLI TURNED A WAT."
I statistics to prove my case, and I
know that if I mentioned the object
you would discourage me."
) "I might have encouraged you In
stead, although I confess that I see
no reason for your making a speech
What is it about?'
Am i a respectable, law abiding
and patriotic citizen of America or
not?" he asked in reply.
; "Why, yes, of course."
i "Am I an honest man?" -1
"Certainly."
"Then your question is answered.
Mrs. Bowser, you read the naners.
Tou know that we are passing through
au era of corruption, political and otb-.
envlse. Patriotism and honor are
dead, and graft and dishonor reign.
The people no longer have confidence
In anything. As a matter of fact any
child ten years old can tell you that
unless something is done at once this
country is bound to go to the dogs."
i "And you propose to keep it from
each a calamity?"
"I do. I have hired a hall. I have
Invited the honest men in the com
munity to come out I am going to
make a speech a speech that will be
the beginning of a new era. I shall
show such an appalling state of af-
fairs that men Will tremble. I shall
. put their duty so plain that none will
dare shrink from it I shall sound
the slogan of a new Bunker Hill. If
. my speech takes as well as I hope for
j I may organize a new political party
- then and there. I believe that a new
party called the Bowserites would
sweep this country from end to end
and restore the lost confidence and pa
triotism." "Yes, It might." replied Mrs. Bowser
In tones betraying her doubt "Do
you expect a large crowd to hear you J
speaK'
'IAI1 the hall can hold and hundreds
probably turned away. There is a
widespread demand for reform. The
people are ready for it. It must come
or the country must return to bar
barism." "And and have you got confidence
In yourself as a speaker?' ,
"All the confidence In the world. It
Is the one theme on which I can turn
myself loose. The papers tomorrow
' morning will tell you all about it. We
have arranged to have five or six re
porters present. They will put a large
share of the speech in capitals and
Italics."
"Well, I hope you will come out all
right, but I'm sorry you went Into it.
" Hadn't you better run over your speech
with me before you deliver it?"
"No, ma'am, I hadn't I know what
the speech .Is, and I know it's all right
I don't want you throwing cold water
on It at the last hour. Neither do I
propose that you shall take the cre:Ift.
f It I must now go and dress tor
the occasion."
When Mr. Bowser was finally ready
to depart for Locust hall Mrs. Bowser
rearranged his necktie a bit and pulled
down his coattalls and said:
"Mr. Bowser, I have got $1.78 that
t have saved up."
"Well, what of It?"
"I'll I'll give you the whole of It If
you won't make a speech."
. "By the seven spotted bulls, Mrs.
Bowser, but do I find graft and brib
ery right here in my own bouse? How
dare you make me such an offer? You
try to bribe me not to make a speech.
to let the country go to the dogs, to
permit the hydra head of corruption to
be reared In every hamlet of America:"
But I don't want you to make it
failure, you know."
"A failure! I make a failure! Why.
woman, have you suddenly lost the
little brains you ever had? Failure!
I shall come home borne ou the shoul
ders of shouting, cheering Bowserites.
and you had best senu over for a hun
dred candles to illuminate the house.
V dollar and seventy-five cents as n
bribe!"
Mr. Bowser reached Lociftt hall to
find it lighted, but the expected thou
snuds had not gathered yet. In fact
only the Janitor was present and
there was no look of anticipation on
his face. In fact, there was a look of
disappointment lustend. and after n
couple of minutes he approached Mr.
Rowser and queried:
"Say, now. can't you put this thing
amaglg off for the night?"
"What do yon mean, sir?" was asked
. "Why, let It go until some other
time. I want to go to a scrapping
match tonight, but If you are going t
make a speech I've got to stay here."
Capital Oppressing Labor.
Mr. Bowser occupied five minutes !:
telling his side of the "story, and vl:e:
lie got through the Jauitor felt tli:it I;
had been talked to In three dilTcic::
languages. He weut away ami :
down,-but he said It was another In
fiance of capital oppressing labor
bis union should hear of it. Ten v.':
i!?es later a reporter arrived. Y.
looked around the ball and then ut
Mr. Bowser and said:
"Going to be a fizasle. isn't It?"
"I'm!"
"Who is this Bowser anyway T
"Uni!"
"He's probably some old fake, and
I'll not stay to hear him bleat"
Five minutes passed, and then a lop
shouldered, disreputable looking fellow
lounged in and impudently queried:
"Say, old hoss. Is there to be a fan
dango here tonight?"
"What do you mean, sir?" demand
".1 Mr. Bowser.
Oh, an old speech or something by
somebody or other?"
Yes, sir; there is to be a speech
here."
"And Where's the beer?'
' There won't be any."
"Oh, a sawdust speech, eh? Well
I'm off.' Let the old blowhard blow."
Then a second reporter entered an '
took a look around. The Janitor win!;
ed at him, and he returned the vi:
and sat down and looked solemn f
Sve minutes. Then he approached Mr
Bowser and respectfully asked:
"Can you tell me the name of the
party that is or was to orate here tbi
cvening?" "His name Is Bowser, 1 believe."
"Well, his wife seems to have L?;::
him at home and done a good thl::
I'll Just say that the meeting was r
grand fizzle."
There was one more caller. He wav
a man that had attended a dance i:
the same hall a week before and lo :'
a quarter out of a hole In bis pock; t
Tie had come back to look for it. Af:
er casting aspersions on the character
of the Janitor and telling Mr. Bowsci
that he ought to be In the bosom of
his family the meeting broke up.
Mr. Bowser arose.
The janitor arose.
Mr. Bowser went downstairs.
The janitor turned out the gas am!
followed.
Mr. Bowser went home, not borne
on the shoulders of shotfting, cheering
men.
The Janitor went to the scrappln;:
match. f
Ana tne xmu ana gentie airs, bow (
per never said a word not a word.
M. QUAD.
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS
HELP WANTED
HOUSE MOVERS.
WANTED BOY OUT OP SCHOOL FREDR1CKSON BROS.-We,mak
to deliver papers and packager a specialty of house moving, car-
Apply Whitman? Book Store. 9-11-tf
BOYS WANTED TO CARRY PA
pcrs. Apply Circulation Depart
ment, Astorian Office. 9-17-tf
penters, contractor!, general Jobbing;
prompt attention to all orders, - Cor
ner Tenth and Dunne streets.
MISCELLANEOUS.
WANTED-2 YOUNG LADIES OANE b'iNDING7)FaTl
as waiter, in res Uunmt; must have, Undf doM the MMhn
rxpeui-nvc. vtui ai o6 uonu street. I
DNDIBTAUE.
J. A. GILHAIUU & jo.,
Undertakers and ICiulmIiiiera
Kiperleneed I-ndy AitflMtiuit
When Dealrptl.
MESSENGER BOYS
fcycles wanted at the Western
Union. 8-22-tf
9-17-3t LOOSE LEAF LEDGERS -ALL
j kinds made by The J. S. Dcllinger
WITH Bl-Comnanv. N '
HOUSES FOR SALE.
HOW IS THIS FOR A SNAP? A
nice, coiy home; $1600; $800 cash,
balance on easy terms. , A. R. John
son, 120 Twelfth. - 9-9-tf
abus1nesTTnve
28-room rooming house; centrally
located; well furnished; this rooming-
house is making from $60 to $110
clear each month. A. R. Johnson, 120
Twelfth street. 9-9-tf
PROFESSIONAL CARPI
ATTORNEYS-AT-LAW
CHARLES H. ABERCROMBIE
Attorney-at-Law
City Attorney Offices: City Hall
ROOMS FOR RENT.
FURNISHED HOUSEKEEPING
and single rooms. 677 Exchange.
9-15-61
LOTS FOR SALE.
A LOT 50x100 SUITABLE FOR
flats or an apartment house; $3000.
A. R. Johnson. 120 Twelfth St. 9-9-tf
JOHN C. McCUE,
Attorney-at-Law
Page Building, Suite 4
HOWARD M. BROWNELL
Attorney-at-Law
Deputy District Attorney
420 Commercial Street
OSTEOPATHS.
DR. RHODA C HICKS
Osteopath
Office "v'ansell Bldg. Phone Black 2065
573 Commercial St. Astoria, Ore.
COUNTRY PROPERTY
FOR SALE.
20-ACRE TRACT SITUATED ON
the pipe line road; $325. A. R.
Johnson. 120 Twelfth street. 9-9-tf
DENTISTS
DR. VAUGHAN
Dentist
Pythian Building, Astoria, Oregon
Culls Promptly Attended Day
or Night.
Tattott Udir. I 'it hand IluaneSt
ANTOUf A. OUE.UON
Phone Main 2111
MIOICAU
UapreoeUeated
8U90M' f
DR. 6- GEE WO
TBI GREAT
CEnasx doctoi
t
Who U kaowi
throaiiuoot the United
j jBUUt oa aocoaat of
kll manAtrt ut ihm
No poison or drugs usee. Be guraa
tse to cure oatarrh, asthma, long aid
throat trouble, rheumatism, nerrousDet
stomach, Uver and kUaey, iemele torn
plaints aod all ohronie dieaee,
lUCCKSSm B0HI TREATKZirT
If you cannot call rrke for ymytoa
DiaoK and circular, inclosing 4 eeata I
tamps.
TBI c. gik wo mcDicnn co
1121 first 8t, Corner Morrison
PORTLAND, OREGON.
Please menUoa the Asterlaa.
L !
WANTED-TO RENT.
WANTED TO RENT A STOCK
or dairy farm for cash or shares
Address Lewis & Clark, R. F. D
Box 80. " 9-4-lm
FOR SALE MISCELLANEOUS
FOR SALE 12 DAIRY COWS. In
quire at Glenwood Station, or post
office address Warrentnn, Herbert
& Poole. 9-17-tf
FOR SALE CHEAP, ONE 5CH0L
arship in the International Corres
pondence School of Scranton. En'
quire Astorian office. 8-7-
tfl
WANTED MISCELLANEOUS.
WANTED-TO BUY A HORS&
weight about 1250 pounds; not over
8 years old; must be good driver and
gentle, also city broke. Address As,
torian office. 6-9-tf.
WANTED -WE PAY HIGHEST
cash price for second-hand and new
furniture; see us before you sell.
Zapf Furniture & Hdw. Co. 9-5-26t
MASSAGE.
OLGA ' KANTONEN, FINNISH
masseuse and steam baths, room 6,
Pythian Bldg., Commercial St., As
torian, Ore.
PROPOSALS.
Looking For Reveng.
I y hi RjEjfeu,' 1
PROPOSALS FOR BEEF AND
MUTTON Vancouver Barracks,
Wash., September 16, 1908. Sealed
proposals for furnishing and deliver
ing fresh beef and mutton for six
months beginning Jan. 1, 1909, will
be received here and at offices of com
missaries at Fort Stevens, Ore., Boise
Barracks, Idaho, Forts Casey, Colum
bia, Flagler, Lawton, Vancouver,
Walla Walla, Ward, Worden and
Wright, Wash., until 10 a. m. October
16, 1908, and then opened. Envelopes
containing proposals should be in-
i dorsed, "Proposals for fresh beef and
mutton to be opened October 16,
1908," and addressed to comissary of
posf to be supplied, or to Lieutenant
Colonel George B. Davis, Chief Com
missary. '
DR. W. C LOGAN
Dentist
Commercial St Shanahan Bldg.
PLUMBERS.
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
RESTAURANTS.
TOKIO RESTAURANT.
351 Bond Street
Opposite Ross, Higgins & Co.
Coilee with Pie or Cake 10 Cta.
FIRST-CLASS MEALS
Regular Meals 15 Cta. and Up.
iitraui
U. 8. RESTAURANT.
434 Bond Street
Coffee with Pie or Cake, 10 Cta.
First-Class Meals, IS Cta.
MISCELLANEOUS.
Smith's Special
Delivery
EXPRESS AND BAGGAGE
Leave Orders at Star Cigar Store.
Phone Black 2383
Res. Phone Red 2276.
Stand Corner 11th an Commercial.
. n. iiiui
PLUMBER
Beating Contractor, Tinner
AND
Sheet Iron Worker
LL WORK CUARANTEEI
425 Bond Street
Younce & Baker
PLUMBERS
TINNERS
Steam and Gas Fitting
All Work Guaranteed. 126 Eighth
Street, opp. Post Office. Phone Main
4061.
TRANSPORTATION.
The K" Lint
PASSENGERS
FREIQ
- .1
ni in m I t -timmaiiutaMr-
Steamer v Lurline
Night Boat for Portland and
Way Landing!.
Leaves Astoria 'daily except Sunday
at 7 p. m.
Leaves Portland Da3y Except Sunday
at 7 ft. m.
Quick Service Excellent Meala
Good Bertha
Landing Astoria Flavel Wharf
Landing Portland Foot Taylor St,
J. J. DAY, Agent
Phone Main 270t
i
Astoria and iPortlaad
ROUND TRIP DAILY S
(Except Thursday) . . ,
Sir.fc R. Spencer
PARE $1.00 EACH WAY
For Portland and Way Landings,
Leaves Callender dock, Astoria 2M
p. m.; arrives Portland 9:43 p. .
Leaves Washington St. dock, Port-
una a. m.i arrives Astoria I p. n.
SUNDAY EXCURSION
FARE $1.00 ROUND TRIP
Leaves Washington St. dock, Port.
land, 8 a. m.; arrives Astoria 1 p. m.
Leaves Callender dock, Astoria 2 p.
m., arrive rortiana y p. m.
Connecting at Astoria for all
Sesside Resorts.
Renowned for Speed, Comfort and
Uiurteous Treatment.
CAPT. E. W. SPENCER,
General Maniver. Portland
Astoria Office. Callender Dock.
MISCELLANEOUS.
DENTISTS.
WINES AND LIQUORS.
Eagle Concert Hall
(320 Astor Street)
Rooms for rent by the day, week, or
month. Bes rates in town.
P. A. PETERSON, Prop.
P. C. XI Got his number? . ,
P. C. Y2 (who has been standing on
his head through some fault of his
own) No, confound It! I'd give a
week's pay to know whether that car
was M 69 or 90 W.-Sketch.
How a Woman Figures.
She had worked her leap year pre
rogative, but he was trying to dodge
the Issue.
"I appreciate your proposal," be
said, "but my income is not sufficient
for two."
"Oh, that's all right!" she replied.
"When we are married we'll be one,
you know." Puck.
BIDS REQUESTED FOR TWEN
ty million gallon reservoir.' Sealed
proposals for furnishing materials,
and constructing a twenty million
gallon reservoir, in whole, and in sec
tions, will, be received until 12
o'clock noon Friday, October 2, 1908,
at office of the Water Commission,
City Hall, Astoria Oregon. Plans and
specifications may be seen, and blank
forms of proposals obtained at said
office., Certified check in the sum of
not le'ss than 10 per cent of the
amount bid on each contract must
accompany bids. Right to reject any
and all bids is reserved. City Water
Commission, by G. W. Lounsberry,
Clerk. ' 9-15-10
EMPLOYMENT OFFICE.
J. T. NOWLEN
Real Estate and Employment Office
473 Commercial St, Phone
Have fine list of Astoria and coun
try property. All classes of labor
furnished.
We Kill the
Torturing Demon
PI
CP!
I carry the best Loggers'
Shoes in town at the low
est prices.
MISCELLANEOUS.
Plate Racks, Wall Pockets,
Music Racks,' Clock Shelves
Just in See us
Hildebrand & Got
Old Bee Hive Bldg.
HOT OR COLD
olden West
Tea
Just Right
CLOSSET & DEVERS,
PORTLAND, ORE.
whose painful and agonizing pang
mane me imoierame tor the sufferer,
it is dui a matter ot a moment to i.
lence the imp that causes the pain in
tne nerve, we practice painless ex
traction and do it carefully. Also the
cleaning and filling of teeth when we
Jeem them worthy of saving. Our
uur Lrown and Bridge work demon
strates our professional skill. En
trust your teeth to us, and you will
never have cause to complain, either
ot the work or the charges.
CHICAGO DENTISTS,
Cor 11.!. and Commercial Sts.
Over Danziger's Store.
CONCRETE
WORK DONE
ANY PERSON WANTING ANY
CONCRETE WORK DONE AT
THE CEMETARIES, WILL
PLEASE LEAVE ORDERS AT
POHL'S UNDERTAKING OF
FICE. E. NYMAN
Astoiia, Ore.
P. O. Box 603.
My stock of men's and boy's
shoes is unsurpassed for q. v
lity. Close buying and low
expenses enable me to sell the
best qualities at lowest prices.
S. A. GIMRE
543 Bond Street
LAUNDRIES.
WE WASH
Everything but the Baby and return
everything but the dirt.
TROY LAUNDRY
Tenth and Duane V
Phone Main 1991
Shoemaker
Get yourSHOE REPAIRING done
at E O. GUNALL'S. All work euaV,
anteed Prices right. . ,
8TH AND COMMER- '"
CI ALr STREETS
Y t
4
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