1 WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 16
THE MORNING ASTORIAN, ASTORIA, OREGON.
a
Colonel Can't Forget the Good
, Old Days of Duello.
RECALLS MANY HARD FIGHTS.
Hit Treuble With Captain Qlldsrs,
Wall at Othara, Came About Ovar
Imple Matter, but Honor Had to
0a Prsssrvsd.
i" tCopyrlfht, lvm, by T. a MoC1ure.J
"If I should any to you. mill," began
Colonel liuukor a lie got u rest for
bis teat on tlio railing of tlio veraoda
' "If I should any to you tbat It waa a
" cloudy da and you aliould reply that
' tbe. heavens were wltliout t cloud, we
Should soon be calling each other liar
ad Indulging in a vulgar squabble.
That's tbe difference between tbeaa
days and the good old daya of tba
then or raaorttng to fisticuffs, Tba
; popular Idea la thnt man fought be
. "
"(.QUlNMi UCNKCR, IT IS MOWMKD."
cause tU-y were euuuile aud thirsted
(or each oilu-r'a blood. Never waa
tbure greater uilatake.
"I wu recalling toy elxty-!ght duela
lut night, vub, and 1 found tbat forty
tlx of then came about through sim
ple mlaunderatandlnga and because of
bo enmity whatever. For Instance,
' acme years after the war I waa relat
ing bow I put myself at tbe bead of
; my regiment and charged at GotQ
burg. What I aald to my men waa;
Now, then, gnllnnt men, follow ma.'
Uajah Baacomb waa one of my audi
' nce, and ba. at once took exception!
to my language. He contended that I
hould have aald, 'Now, gentlemen, If
you please, we will now charge.' I
- stuck for my point and be fur bla, and
tbe result waa that be called me out
Wo chatted and laughed on the field,
and aa I ran blm through tbe ahoulder
I waa never lu better nature In my life.
"I waa sitting on a hotel veranda one
day' with Judge O'Connor. Tbe Judge
and I lived next door to each other
and bad been friends for year. Aa
we talked away be observed that 'ow
ing to a combatlna,tlon of circum
stances' to and so bad resulted. He
, meant 'combination,' of cose, and I
took the liberty of correcting hlra.'
" 'Colonel Bunker, I aald "combatlna
tlon,' " he said aa be turned to me.
"'You did, Judga, but you meant
"combination.' ' 11 ;'
M'I Insist that I was right In the
word.'
" 'And 1 Insist tbat you were wrong.'
Mat the Judge at Sunrise,
, "The Judgo challenged me, and we
mot at aunrise next morning. 1 wound
ed blm In tbe thigh, and he pricked me
la the arm, all In the best of good
nature, sub. That evening we were
sitting together In tbe same old chum
my way. That first duel led to a sec
ond. Five years after we bad fought
be stopped me on the street one day to
say: , '
"'Colonel Bunker, I wish to apolo
gize to you.'
"For what, pray?'
" 'I was wrong about that word, and
you were right.'
' '1 knew you were, judge.'
'Then, auh, I challenge you.'
' 'But for whatr -
'For knowing that you were right!'
"And we went out and fought, auh,
and this time I gave the Judge the
point so strongly that he was laid up
for alx weeks. There was tbe case of
Senator Sloane. We were hunting to
gether in the fields one day when be
Temnrked how singular It was tbat a
rabbit's fore legs were the longest.
" 'You mean hind legs, senator,' I
corrected.
'"Fore legs, suh.'
"Hind legs;' ,
" 'Colonel Bunker, I will send a
friend to you this evening.'
Fought Like Qentltmen.
'And he did, and when we met next
mawnlng ho had the luck to, wound
me Is the shoulder and to escape all
liarni himself. I bore blm no more 111
will than before. : We had simply dif
fered and fought It out like gentle
men. '
"Another case. I was walking on
the streets of my native town with
Captalu Gliders. We had just had a
nip together and were the best of
friends. In 'calling my attention to
the condition of the street he called
a burdock a pigweed. Knowing that
be bad misspoken himself, I should
have let it pass, but I was foolish
nough to correct blm. He at once
ibent over the plant and said:
" 'Colonel Bunker, it is a pigweed.'
" 'Captain Gliders, it Is a burdock,
" A pigweed, sub,'
" 'A burdock, suh
"Two hours later A friend of bis
called upon a friend of mine, and next
mawnlng there whs a duel. Aa near
a I can .rucolloct, wu were both
wounded, but It niitiie not the slightest
difference with our friendship,
"On an occasion, suh ou an occasion
1 was sitting lu front of tbe postoflke
with Majuu Goodwin. A negro wo
man passed us and went Into the of
fice, 1 observed, tbat her shoes could
not be over No. 2's, Tbe majab said
they were fours If not larger.
" 'But It can't be, mnjnh.'
" 'But it surely is, colonel.'
'"I say twos.'
"And I aay fours or better.' '
"This time the challenge was from
me, There was a covert sneer In the
majab's tones, a sort of doubt of my
Judgment of tbe size of a female foot,
and I waa Irritated thereby. He was
expecting my challenge and promptly
accepted It, and next , morning be
lodged a bullet In my leg. He Is llv
Ing yet, and our 'friendship has con
tinned unbroken. I may say in pasalng
that tbe size of tbe negro woman's foot
was No. ft , .
"Almost one of my last duels wss
fought with a merchant' who was a
fellow paaaeogor In a South Carolina
stage. In fact, we were the only
ones. As we rode along in the dust
and beat be fell asleep and snored.
After be bad roused up I also fell
aaleep, but whether I snored or not U
a puzzle to this day. When a jolt bad
awakened me tbe gentleman smiled
aud aald; ,
" '8ub, you are a good snorer.'
" 'Bub, you are the same,' I smilingly
replied.
" 'But I never snore.'
"Neither do I.'
" 'Sub.
"'Subi' v
"And at tbe next village, reached
half an hour later, we descended from
the coach, borrowed pistols and bad a
couple of shots at each other. My bul
let raked bis skull, and his wounded
mo In the foot, and then we became
the best of friends., Before we parted
we tacitly admitted tbat under tbe cir
cumstances we might possibly have
been guilty of snoring.
"As a last case, sub, I will mention
tbat of Colonel Davis. As we were
coming out of tbe cotehouse one day
a dawg bit blm and ran way.
"Dawggone a yellow dawg!" shout
ed the coloned as he danced around.
" 'But this was a brlndle dawg.'
"'It was yellow.'. i
"It waa brlndle.'.'
"'Colonel Bunker, I Insist upon yel
low.'. "'MaJnh Davis, I Insist upon brlndle.'
"Of course he sent his friend, no
could do no less. We met at sunriae,
and botb were wounded, and the first
thing we did after sheathing our ra
piers was to shake hands no enmity,
no thrist for blood, but Juat fighting to
preserve our honah." M. QUAD.
Grown Soareor. '
"People dou't seem to aee aa many
sea serpents aa tbey used to," remark
ed the guest ,
"No." answered the summer land
lord. "I don't know whether to at
tribute It to local option or tbe pure
food law." Washington Star. .
" The Excsptlona.
"Your wife has occasional fits of bad
temper, I'm told."
"Oh, you've, been misinformed!"
"Indeed!"
"Yes. She has temloccaslonul fits of
good teraper."-Cathollc Standard and
Times.
At the Blllvllle Danes.
"Sal, will you dance tbla dance with
me?" ,
"No, Blll I done promised Jim."
"That's allMght, Sal. Jim's busy
Jest now. Somebody stole bis razor
an' spiked bla shotgun." Atlanta Con
stitution. Appropriate Title. ,
New Arrival Why In the world does
every one around this hotel address
that man as "his nibs?" Is he some
high mogul?
Hotel Clerk-No. sir.- He Is a pen
manufacturer.-Dctrolt Tribune. ;
Kooning Up the Interest.
Fuddy-Do you think there la any
thing Immoral In dancing?
Duddy No, I don't know that I do;
but, then, somebody has to say there is
now and then in order to keep dancing
In fashion. Boston Transcript
Different. ;,. ;.
"Dawdler plays golf so well be ought
to be a professional." '
"Yes, I suggested it to blm, but he
says nothing would Induce blm to
work so hard in hot weather." Detroit
Free Press. .ty: ' " : '-' ' f";
After Big Game and Little,
"Oh, Willie, wot yer goln" ter shoot;'.
"Indians, of course! You didn't su;''
lose I was goto' out to'buut sparrows,
did you ?"-New York World.
' ,' ' x ''.: . The "Bargain. '
Father How do you like your now
mamma, Elsie? (
Elsie Well, I won't complain this
time If you will let me choose the
next one. Fliegende Blatter.
A DRAGON HUNT.
I Took Plaoe In Turkey and Wat e
Groat Suoeett.
"Yes, t wunst bunted dragons, and
the hunt was successful, too," said a
sailor,,: , ; . . ;v
"It was In Eyoub, tbe native quarter
of old Constantinople. I lived there
with my wife, a Circassian gal, Fat
mah by name, and, com In' borne from
tbe calf one nlght"-
, "Caifr - ':.
"Sure! Calf. Don't you know what
a calf Is? Kind of restaurant where
you eat and drink and smoke. But
where was IT
,"Iou were coming borne."
"Wall, as we come borne from tbe
calf Fatmab grabbed my arm, pointed
to the moon and give a loud yell. Tbe
full moon behind tbe domes and min
arets waa goln' Into so eclipse. 1
laughed, but Fatmab aays:
" 'A dragon, 0 my beloved,' sbe says,
Is tryln' to devour the moon I sbe
says. Tf tbe faithful slay it not, there
will be no more moonlight,' says sbe-
'neverf
"Then, by tar, begun tbe biggest
racket I ever bear. AH Eyoub was on
a dragon bunt From every housetop
tbe faithful fired blunderbusses st tbe
moon In tbe hope of klllln' tbe dragon.
"When we got borne I tried to ex
plain to Fatmab what so eclipse was.
but sbe thought I was laughin' at ber.
Bo I gave up my explanations, and,
with a pistol, eacb of us joined in tbe
bunt, bangln' away at tbe dragon from
tbe winder turn and turn about
"By crlnus,, we got bim! Tbe bunt
was a success! The dead dragon
dropped off tbe moon, and sbe floated
round and silvery wunst more, above
tbs palms and minarets standln' black
agin the pale sky..
"Fatmab claimed It was ber shot
what landed him, but I was always
convinced It was my own." New Or
leans Times-Democrat
THE TREATY TREE.
Whore Penn and the Delaware Chlofo
Exchanged Tokens.
The "treaty treo," the original Ameri
can Hague, where our first peace con
gress waa held, wltb William Penn on
the one aide and tbe Delaware chiefs
on the other, was a mighty elm tbat
stood at Shackamaxon, on the banks of
tbe Delaware river. Kensington, one
of the suburbs of Philadelphia, now
surrounds the spot
As was customary on such occasions,
tbe parties to tbe treaty exchanged
belts of wampum, and the belt said to
to have been given Penn on this occa
sion Is now In tbe cdltectlon of tbe
Pennsylvania Historical society. It
consists ot eighteen strings of black
and white beads, and In tbe center are
two figures, representing a European
and an Indian, with banda Joined In
friendship. In exchanging tokens with
the chiefs Penn said:
"The friendship between you ' and
me I will not compare to a chain, for
that might rust, or tbe falling tree
might break. We are the same as If
one man's body were to be divided Into
two parts. We are all one flesh and
blood." When ' the Indians banded
Penn the wampum belt of peace they
said: - -
"We will live la love and peace with
William Penn as long as tbe sun and
the moon shall endure."
Tbe treaty tree waa blown down In
a windstorm March 10, 1810. Its age,
estimated by rings. Is 283 years. The
William Penn society erected a marble
column upon tbe site aa a permanent
monument Kansas City Star.
The Overtired Conductor.
When tbe horse cars were In exist
ence there was a greenhorn known aa
John who conducted on the Thirteenth
and Fifteenth street lines. lie boarded
with bis two aunts, who lived on Cath
arine street between Thirteenth and
Broad. One day bis aunts thought they
would take a ride with John and see
how he was getting along, so they
waited for bis car. Soon the car began
to got crowded and passengers got off
and on at every square. John began to
get angry. At last he became ao exas
perated at having to atop so often that
when an old lady asked him to stop at
Chestnut be bawled out: "I'm darned
sick and tired , pulling the bell. It's
nothing but atbp here and stop there,
stop here and stop there. Away wltb
youse all down to Catharine street wltb
me aunts, and you get out in a bunch."
Philadelphia Ledger.
Two of a Kind.
"Come, come." cried tbe brusque and
bustling real estate man, "why do you
pay rent when you might , own a
homer 1
"I-I don't pay rent," replied the
startled stranger.
"Then you own a home?"
"N-no." ;
"That's . strange. May I ask your
business?" . , , '
"I'm a real estate dealer." Cleveland
Plain Dealer.
Two of a Kind.
"Oh, George," sighed the lovesick
maiden, "I'm sure I'm not worthy to
be your wife."
"Well," replied George wearily, "I'm
not ' worthy to be your . husband, so
we're Just about evenly matched."
Philadelphia Press.
To the Btrlot Letter.
. "Mary," said the lady of the house,
"you didn't put any salt la this bread."
"But." replied the new girl, "didn't
the master say yesterday he wouldn't
have nothing but fresh bread on his
table, mum?" .
The colors on the artist's palette
make no show, but when tbey are
spread on the canvas we aee their
beauty, Geikle.
MEN'S COSTUMES.
fho Change That Came When Powder
and Snuff Wont Out. !
The French revolution bad lu effect,
upon tbe fashions of 1H00 as well a!
upon matters of more weighty Import 1
tbe tendency being greatly to simplify
costumes. Young men in England'
adopted the short coat, light waist ,
coat and pantaloons Inaugurated In
Paris by a certain aet who affected tc
despise tbe old court fashion. )
Tbe use of powder, made more ex
pensive by taxation, quite died out and
short bair became universal. .
Trousers and Wellington boots, at j
first worn only by tbe military, were1
adopted by civilians about 1814, and'
tbe dandy of the early Victorian era
.wore his tightly strapped down. He
also prided himself oo bis starched '
collar, which bad gone out of favor;
under George IV, who preferred a
black silk kerchief or stock. j
. Tbe snuffbox vanished, and the cbar-
acterlstlc ornament of tbe age was tbe ,
bunch of seals hanging from the watcb
chain. Various modifications took ,
place from lime to time dnrlng Queen
Victoria's long reign, but tbe form of
men's dress practically remained un
altered. " "
; Tbe knickerbockers and tweed suit
of tbe country gentleman are of com
paratively modern date, as well as tbe
wide awake, the soft felt bat-English
Illustrated Magazine.
THE HYPNOTIC EYE.
And the Man Who Likoo to Toot It on
the Cirout 'Animals.
Tbe man wbo wants to test tbe pow
er of tbe human eye on savage beasts
Is legion, and be affords no end of
amuscmeut for tbe attendants at tbe
circus, wbo are always on tbe lookout
for blm. Often be may be detected
standing before the cage of a Hon,
gazing intently straight into tbe eyes
of the dignified old beast who gazes
back with Indifference and finally
shifts bis eyes, not because be feels
any mystic Influence, but because
something else has attracted bis at
tention. A story Is told of a man who tried
tbe hypnotic trick on an .ostrich. At
first the bird crouched down and flut
tered his wings nervously, but made
no other manifestation for some time.
A few hours later tbe body of the
man waa found, wltb tbe huge bird al
ternately stamping and sitting on It
Another Is told of a man who tried to
outgaze a leopard, wltb tbe reault that
the animal made a fierce charge
against the bars of his cage and at the
man, and the two created a disturb
ance that brought the attendants hur
rying to Investigate the trouble. Har
riet Qulmby In Leslie's Weekly. -
Hard Llnea For Bachelors.,
"Korea's tbe wrong place for bache
lors," said a traveler. "Bachelors in
Korea are considered, aa children and
have only children's privileges. You.
a -Korean bachelor, get thirsty. Ion
enter a rest house and call for palm
wine. The pretty little amber colored
waitress says:
- 'Marriedr
"'No,' says you.
"'Ileraus then,' says she, and out
you go, unslaked.
"You waut to vote, but they won't
let you if you are not married.
"You apply for a job somewhere.
'How many children have you 7 Is the
first question you're asked. And as
soon aa you say you're unmarried they
laugh in your face to think that yon
should presume 'to apply for work any
where." New York Press.
The It. Pelm.
In tbe moonlit garden overlooking
tbe sea no sound waa to be beard save
the petulant plaint of tbe mosquitoes,
angry at being disturbed at their food.
"Come," said the host, "let us go and
sit under the lta palm. They won't
bother us there."
In comfort under the lta, be went on:
"This tree Is from the Orlnoca delta,
the home of the iWarau tribe.' Tbe
Orlnoca delta Is Infested wltb mosqui
toes to an Incredible degree. ' The
Waraus, to escape them, live In a palm
whose odor the mosquito can't put up
wltb. .
"This Is the palm-the Ita-whlcb
makes the naked Warau's mosquito
PXoot bed. , A bandy thing It Is among
these salt marshes to have In a garden
too." Cincinnati Enquirer.
Basely Deceived.
The Husband You want to know
where I was so late last night? I was
at the office balancing my books.
Tb? Wife It seems to me tbst you
balance your books very often. That
excuse Is about threadbare.
The H;-H'm! If you don't believe
me, why don't you consult a fortune
teller?
The W. Not much. I consulted one
once, and she told me a pack of lies.
Tbe H.-Indeed! What did sbe tell
you? . . . ,
Tbe W.-She told me I would get a
rich, handsome, kind, attentive and
truthful husband.
Costly Eyeteeth.
"I guess paw must have passed a lot
of time at tbe dentist's when he was :
in New York," said Johnny Green. I
"Why do yon think so?" queried his i
" 'Cause I heard him tell a man to-1
day that It cost him nearly $300 to gut !
his eyeteeth cut." replied Johnny. Chi-1
cago News. :v ?" ,
Inconsistent.
"Dear me," said the poetess. "I do i't
see why those horrid editors Insist on
having manuscripts written on only one
side of the sheet when they go and
print their paper on botb sides." Path
finder. ....
Fisher Brothers Company
SOLE AGENTS
Marbour and Finlayion Salmon Twines and Netting
McCormick Harvesting Machine
Oliver Chilled Ploughs.:
Sharpies Cream Separators ' .
Raecolith Flooring Storrett's Tools
Hardware, Groceries, Ship j
Chandlery
Tan Bark, Blue Stone, Muriatic Acid, Welch Coal, Tar,
Ash Oars, Oak Lumber, Pipe and Fittings, Brass Goods, ' ,
Paints, Oils and Glass
Fishermen's Pure Manilla Rope, Cotton Twine and Sin Web
We Want Your trade :
FISHER BROS.
BOND STREET
John Foi, Pres. P. L. Bishop, Sec. Astoria Savings Baa; Tress.
Nelson Troytr, Vice-Pre. and Supt
ASTORIA IRON WORKS
DESIGNERS AND MANUFACTURERS
, OF THE LATEST IMPROVED . . .
Canning Machinery, Marine Engines -and Boilers
COMPLETE CANNERY OUTFITS FURNISHED.
Correspondence Solicited. - ' Foot of Foavtk Stmt
A SUMMER MM
Unfermented Grape Juice
absolutely non-alcoholic
Concord- ...5oc quart
Catawba 6oc quart
Welch's Grape Juice
Nips.... 10c
AMERICAN IMPORTINGCCO.
f"ri"',- ' -v
589 Commercial Street
tmilHHIHtlHHMHMMIMMMmnitH
I THE TRENTON
First-CIass Liquors andOCigars
Corner Commercial and 14th. . ASTORIA, OREGON J
IMilll4MsMllillsMI'lttt4M
THE O'EM ;
C. F. WISE, Prop.
Choice Wines, Liquors andCigars
Comer Eleventh
ASTORIA,
School
And a Jfull line of supplies.Tablets, Composition
Books, Pencils, Ink; everything that the pupil
needs atjprices that will save .you money.
We have hired Aplenty of EXTRA CLERKS. :
YOU WON'T NEED TO WAIT.
WHITMAN'S
Free Rulers
You want the best money can buy in food, clothing, home comforts,
pleasures, etc., why not in education?
Portland's Leading Business College
offers such to you and at no greater cost than an inferior school.
Owners practical teachers 1 More Calk than we can fill
Teachers actual business men In session the entire year
Positions guaranteed graduates " Catalogue "A for the asking
I. M. WALKER, Pres. O. A. BOSSFP .Ml, Secy.
VS2 Commercial Street
and Commercial
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