THE MORNING ASTORIAN, ASTORIA, OREGON.
TUESDAY, SEPT. 8
fiOilESTiUSJ,
finds True Love Flourishes In
Country as Well as In Town.
HIS VERSES ARE IN DEMAND.
Bashful and Hesitating Swaina United
, With tha Aid of the Mute of Uncle
tarn's Furious Representative He
Earns Gratitude.
(Copyright, 1908, by T. C. McClure.
For the first half dozen houses on
my route the other day everything
went well and everybody was happy,
but then I bumped up.alnst It The
good wife of Farmer Ben Johnson was
at the gate to receive a letter, and
after she bad made sure that it was
from her sister In Nebraska she turned
to me, and In a confidential voice she
aid: '
"Abe. I'm afraid we are going to
lose our lamb."
1 didn't know that you kept sheep."
1 answered.
"We don't I refer to oar daughter
Jess.
"Oh, I tee. Well, has Jess got an
other soft cornr
"Don't make fun of me. Abe. This
to serious business. She and Harry
r-.',J-"l... it ...
' "Sat. abe, ix a rao man P
Day have had a falling out. and good
ness only knows bow It Is going to
end. He has given out that he is going
to enlist for a soldier and go off to the
Philippines. Jess Is Just worrying her
self sick, and you've got to do some
thing." "But I can't take him by the neck
and bring him back."
"No, but you can write some poetry,
and you've got to do It You must
write something to scare him and at
the same time melt bis heart There's
cold milk and a big piece of pie await
ing you in the kitchen. As for Jess,
he's still abed and won't see any
body."
I went li, and when the milk and pie
bad been disposed of I tuned up my
muse and wrote what I called 'The
Shriveling Maid," as follows:
They tell me that my cheek is pale
- That, like a Illy drooping,
I now seem going to my grave
Instead of gayly whooping.
My eyes are dim with bitter tears;
My cheeks are sunk and hollow;
My weight has sadly fallen off,
And there Is more to follow.
I dream and dream of various things
Of fregs and toads and gators
I dream of centlpeds and rats
i And vile impersonators.
I dream to wake and wake to dream.
And In my dreams I'm falling.
And in my waking hours I find
Myself for Harry calling.
They say he's given me the shake;
That I'm a maiden jilted;
That, like a broken big sunflower,
- I'm withered and I'm wilted.
' But 1 shall believe my Harry true.
Come back, my love: come hither,
And do not leave your Jess to fade
And s'irivel up and wither.
"Abe," nald the good woman as she
wiped the tears from her eyes, "you've
truck it.1"
"I believe I have, Aunt Liza."
Saved Their Lamb.
"I know It You've appealed to that
young man's feelings as no seventeen
preachers could. You have saved our
lamb, and if I don't be a sister to you
all the rent of your days I hope to be
hung. Yea, sir, when Jess copies them
verses off and sends them to Harry
there's gclng to be something doing.
His conscience is going to cry out un
til he will come over here on the
run."
I don't know bow fast he ran, but
next day I heard that the quarrel had
been mad? up and that the shriveled
maiden hsd ceased to shrivel.
I was driving along and feeling how
unjust it was of the postmaster gen
eral to feel Jealous of my poetry when
It was doing so much good, when
Farmer Joe Smith's hired man beck
oned me from the barn. I had henni
that he hud an affair of the heart on
hand, and I drew up and descended.
"Say, Abe, I'm a dying man." he
said with a qulcer of the lip.
"Been taking paris groeu':" I nnked.
"No. It's what they call in; requited
love. I'm in love with Sarah Jackson,
and If she won't have n:e It'll be n caw
of suicide for sure."
"But have yo.i asked her?"
"Not-net yet. 1 datn't. Abe. She's
too proud and horty. I'm afraid she'd
throw me over."
War-ted to Melt Her Heart.
"Then Irow In thunder are you going
to fix it? She won't ask you if yon
wait a thoinand years."
"I know It, but I want something to
prepare the way to sorter melt her
heart When I see that ibe's melted
1
T ttV I i mil
LA J f-A
mm
l7fEJ
Organic disturbances of the femin-
tryvj V
U'WK-JI
toe system act like a firebrand onjWANTED-A WAITRESS OF EX-
the nerves of women, often driving
them fairly frantic.
A nervous, irritable woman is a
source of misery not only to herself,
but to all those who come under her
influence. That such conditions can
be entirely overcome by taking
LYDIA E. PiNKHAfil'S
VEGETABLE COMPOUND
Is proven by the following letters.
Sirs, Mary Wood, of Uiristiana,
Tenn- writes to Mrs. Pinkham :
"I had the worst form of female
troubles and my nerves were all torn
to pieces; sometimes I suffered so much
that it seemed as though I could not live.
" I began to take Lydia K. Pink
ham's Vegetable Compound and now I
feel like a different person. Your medi
cine is worth its weight in gold, and 1
cannot say enough lor your advice.
Mrs. Wallace Wilson. Thomrjeon- i
ville.Comi.writestoMfs.Pinkham:!" a a n r
"I was all run down, nervous, and! near the new b"yard in Alder
could not rest nights. Doctors failed brook; this is a bargain at $2300.
to help me, Lydia E. Pinkham'a Vege- j A. R. Johnson, 120 Twelfth St. 9-6-tf
table Compound restored me to perfect , s
neaiin.-
FACTS FOR SICK WOMEN.
For thirty years Lydia E. Pink
ham's Vegetable Compound, made
from roots and herbs, has been the
standard remedy for female ills),
and has positively cured thousands of
women who have been troubled with
displacements, inflammation, ulcera
tion, irregularities, periodic pains,
Backache. Why dotft you try it ?
Sirs. Pinkham invites all sick
women to write her for advice.
She has guided thousands to
health. Address Lynn, Mass.
I'll ask her. Gimme some o year
poetry, Abe- I've got to have It or
you will be tesponsible for my de:i:h."
He was pale and trctnbliug. and. h'.s
chin sinking and seeing what u uurj
cast' it was, I sat down and wrote t!:i
following, the same belug lutcttded ".
appeal to both her humorous and pa
thetic side:
Oh, the roses come, and the roses bloom.
And the roses droop and die,
And the sad south wind it walls arour.-J
The spot where the hollyhocks lie.
Oh, life of earth Is a sad, sad life!
We meet today, and we part.
Today we gather the roses and laugh:
Tomorrow there's grief In I'.ir huurt.
At midnight I wake to think of my love.
To list to the wind as It blows.
To hope that my Sarah won't fail out of
bed
And land on the floor on her nose.
My love she has had for many a month-
The love of a strong married man.
The love that endures the tat pork and
beans
Devoured by her Jlmmie McGann.
1 pray that my love Is regarded in kind;
That Sarah has thoughts of her Jim;
That he is not driven by blackest despair
To go har.g on a hickory limb.
He Was Grateful.
When 1 drove on I left the r:n?t
grateful hired man in the wholo conn
try behind ui. but whether the i;e:!i
melted Sarah or not I have yet t !::xl
Dut There was one more case. Ai
Farmer Beecuer's the mother told ii:e,
about the same as Mrs. Johnson h:!!l
done. Her daughter Xell hud iivi
reled with ber feller and he was threat
ening to go off to Panama uud t'Mtc!i i
the yellow fever, and so I lid to sit
down to another poem. I am happy to j
record that It worked in the same
prompt and satisfactory manner:
I have loved him long and tender;
1 have loved blm long and well;
I have never loved another man
As I love Billy Dell.
He swore he did return my love
And caused my heart to flutter
And made me lose my appetite
For toasted bread and butter.
Ho led fhe on to believe he'd pop
The question I was waiting
The question that is always asked
Before there is a mating.
But ah, alas, he turned away
He turned to Betty Bakerl
And could I do aught else but; say,
"You chump, but go and take her?"
I've tried full hard my love to kill;
I've sought to quench the feeling;
I've wept and pulled my nose so much
That It Is sadly peeling.
It can't bo done. The only thing
Is river or cold plzen;
A ropo a-lianging o'er a limb,
And I am free from prison.
Ar.d Billy Dell will gaze boito day
Upon the weeping wilier,
A-drooplns o'er my routing place,
And tears bedew his plllcr.
M. QUAD.
She Couldn't Se Stopped. ,
"Cousin Jane is so obtuse."
"What's the matter with her?"
"Why, you know her folks have been
threatening to visit us all summer. To
head her off I telegraphed this morn
!:ig, 'Don't come; weather too warm
for eo:rifort' And what do you sup
pose she replied?"
"Give It up." v '
" 'It's hotter here!' "-Cleveland Plain
Dealer. . .
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS
HELP WANTED
WANTED A BOY OR A GIRL AT
Bum's Cigar Factory.
9-3-tf
WANTED GIRL ,TO WORK IN
printing office. Cull at Astorian
office. 9-6-tf
WANTED AT ONCE, TWO EX-
I j'v,i iviuvu fPtiuititt vacua. Vflii (it
Commercial street.
9-6-6t
! WANTED 2 WELL DRESSED
young men; good opportunities to
the right men. Enquire at Irving
Hotel, between 12 and 1 p. m.
MESSENGER BOYS WITH BI
cycles wanted at the Western
Union. 8-22-tf
penence;
ing Hotel.
good wages.
Apply Irv
9-l-7t
FOR SALE-REAL ESTATE.
FOR SA LE AT A BARGAI N-T WO
lots and an 8-room modern house
with bath. For particulars address B,
100, Astorian office. 9-t-6t
SACRIFICE SALE DWELLING
house and lot, 50x100 feet on 17th
street between Franklin and Grand;
owner leaving town and is anxious to
sell; will sell furniture with house if
desired. Van Dusen & Co., agents.
9-3-St
CITY PROPERTY FOR SALE.
7jTjtci?' vrT" V , rVc
A NEW 6-ROOM HOUSE IN UP
pertown; parties are leaving the
city; will sell at $1100. A. R. John
son, 120 Twelfth street. 9-6-tf
A GOOD SIX-ROOM COTTAGE;
$2000. A. R. Johnson, 120 Twelfth
street 9-6-tf
IF YOU ARE CONTEMPLATING
buying a home or a farm, call on
me. A. R. Johnson, 120 Twelfth
street 9-6-tf
NICE MODERBUNGAL6Vr6
living rooms, reception hall, bath
room, clothes closets, etc.; $2900.
fv. J I'll II ,wis & nMiui wr.. v.
A SNAP; 50x100 FT. GRADED
lot; in good location; $575. A. R.
Johnson, 120 Twelfth St 9-6-tf
COUNTRY PROPERTY
FOR SALE.
130Aces"V7tTdE" LAND ;
this land is now being dyked; it is
located near this city; $60 per acre.
A. R. Johnson, 120 Twelfth St 9-6-tf.
l(MCRTt RACT sTTID E"LA N D ;
$75 per acre. A. R. Johnson, 120
Twelfth street
9-6-tf
WANTED TO RENT.
WANTED-TO RENT A FURN
ished dairy ranch by an experienced
dairyman. Address 107i Fourth St.
Portland.
WANTED TO RENT-A STOCK
or dairy farm for cash or shares.
Address Lewis & Clark, R. F. D
Box 80. 9-4-lm
FOR SALE: MISCELLANEOUS
FOR " SALE AT " A BARGAI N
Horse, harness and wagon; call at
Henningsen's Furniture Store, 506
Bond street. 9-5-6t
GASOLINE LAUNCH, NEW, AND
strongly built; 6 h. p.; for sale at a
! bargain. Hans Frederiksen, 2071 Bond
Utrect. , 9-3-6t
I FOR SALE CHEAP, ONE SCHOL-
arship in the International Corres
pondence School of Scranton. En
quire Astorian office. 8-7-tf
WANTED MISCELLANEOUS.
WANTED TO BUY' V HORSE;
weight about 1250 pounds; not over
8 years old; must be good driver and
gentle, also city broke. Address As
torian office. 6-9-tf.
WANTED -WE PAY HIGHEST
cash price for second-hand and new
furniture; see us before you sell.
Zapf Furniture & Hdw. Co. 9-5-26t
HOUSE MOVERS.
FREDR1CKSON BROS.-We make
a specialty af house moving, car-m-n'Ts,
contractors, general jobbing;
prompt attention to all orders. Cor
ner Tenth and Duane streets. .
lIENANDWOMEH.
Cu Big J for unnatural
dlrlirxP,i!jHaniHiit!ou
Irritation! or ulceration!
of in u o o u membranes.
P.InImn.. Atirf not aftriU'
' 1.1 WKiff'
iiai ta itrifltur.
Prnrmte CoBUtiro.
ITKEEVAHSCHCMICHCO. gmt or pol-onou).
, CIHCIHHATI,0 11 ' nrnpglais,
k .... m; n, a.,.. In nluift wrAOOeT.
j. i . -""
1 on r R Imtlll.ai2.7a.
I
i
i
MASSAGE.
OLGA KANTONEN, FINNISH
masseuse and steam baths, room 6,
Pythian Bldg., Commercial St, A-
, torian, Ore.
a w .1 I I
LOST AND FOUND.
,LOST-JADE RING, BETWEEN
! Ninth street and Logan's hall
' Finder please leave at this cilice and
receive reward. 9-&tf
LQST-A BUSTER BROWNTwI G
I in the Wild West Parade. Finder
! please return to W. R. Macbeth and
receive reward. 9-5-6t
MISCELLANEOUS.
MAGAZINE BINDING OF ALL
kinds done at the Astorian Office.
LOOSE LEAF LEDGERS -ALL
kinds made by The J. S. Dellinger
Company.
PROFESSIONAL CARD).
ATTO RNE YS-AT-LA W
CHARLES H. ABERCROMBIE
Attorney-at-Law
City Attorney Offices : City Hall
JOHN C McCUE,
Attorney-at-Law
Page Building, Suite 4
HOWARD M. BROWNELL
Attorney-at-Law
Deputy District Attorney
420 Commercial Street
OSTEOPATHS.
DR. RHODA C. HICKS
Osteopath
Office Ivfansell Bldg. Phone Black 2065
i73 Commercial St. Astoria, Ore.
DENTISTS
DR. VAUGHAN
Dentist
Pythian Building, Astoria, Oregon
DR. W. C LOGAN
Dentist
Commercial St Shanahan Bldg.
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
RESTAURANTS.
TOKI03Si RESTAURANT.
Or posite Ross, Higgins & Co.
Coffee with Pie or Cake 10 Cta.
FIRST-CLASS MEALS
Regular Meals 15 Cts. and Up,
U. 8. RESTAURANT.
- 434 Bond Street
Coffee with Pie or Cake, 10 Cts.
First-Class Meals, IS Cts.
MISCELLANEOUS.
Smith's Special
Delivery
EXPRESS AND BAGGAGE
Leave Orders at Stat- Cigar Store.
Phone Black 2383
Res. Phone Red 2276.
Stand Corner 11th an Commercial.
WINES AND LIQUORS.
Eagle Concert Hall
(320 Astor Street)
Rooms for rent by the day, week, or
month. Bes rates in town.
P. A. PETERSON, Prop.
A few doses of this remedy will in
variably cure m ordinary attack of
diarrhoea.
It can always be depended rpon,
even in the more severe attacks of
cramp colic and cholera morbus.
It is equally suocfwful for summer
diarrhoea and cholera infantum in
children, and is the means of saving
the lives of many children each year.
When reduced with water and
sweetened it is pleasant to take.
Evtry man of n family should keep
this remedy in his home. Bny it now..
Price, 25c. Large Size, COO.
UNDERTAK1R3.
J. A. GILI1AUUI1 & CO.,
UwtortakerM nml Kiulialiucra.
ISxporleiHHMl Lndr An.tni.t
When Dfiftfrwl.
Cull Promptly Attended Dny
or Night.
Tatton Hilar. 1'JtUund DuaiieSU
ASTOm , OKE.UON
Phone Mntu Ulil
MEDICAL
l'nprMueU4
SueoMtsc f
OR. C SEE VO
TBI GHAT
CHHVISI DOCTOl
Wao is keowt
.throughout the United
i Ctta.iaM na aviiat mi
'r-i'laa all worJorful euift
No pokwa or druge usee. He guarta
toe to eure eaUrrh, asthma, lung tad
throat trouble, rheumatism, aerrouMea
stomach, liver and klJaey, itmale con
plaints aad all ohronto di .
SUCCESSFUL R0MX TtlATHTHT
If you cannot call write for symyto
blank and eireular, Inclosing 4 eaate t
eUmpa,
THi c gik wo MtDicnrz CO.
1121 First St. Comer Morrtaoe:
POKTLAKD, 0SECOR.
Ptase mention th Astoriaa.
PLUMBERS.
!A X
. A.
PLUMBER
Heating Contractor. Tinner
AND
Sheet Iron Worker
' VLL WORK GUARANTEEI
425 Bond Street
Younce & Baker
PLUMBERS
TINNERS
Steam and Gas Fitting
All Work Guaranteed. 126 Eighth
Street, opp. Post Office. Phone Main
4061. f y
DENTISTS.
We Kill the
Torturing Demon
whoHC painful and agonizing pangs
make life intolerable for the sufferer,
ft is but a matter of a moment to si
lence the imp that causes the pain in
the nerve. We practice painless ex
traction and do it carefully, Also the
cleaning and filling of teeth when we
deem them worthy of saving. Our
Our Crown and Bridge work demon
strates our professional skill. ' En
trust your teeth to us, and you will
never have caurt to complain, either
of the work or the charges.
CHICAGO DENTISTS,
Cor ll.h and Commercial Sts.
Over Danziger's Store.
CONCRETE ? ,
WORK DONE
ANY PERSON WANTING ANY
CONCRETE WORK DONE AT
THE CEMETARIES, WILL
PLEASE LEAVE ORDERS AT
POHL'S UNDERTAKING . OF-
FICE.
E. NYMAN
Astoria, Ore,
talk rff
1161
P, O. Box 603.
TRANSPORTATION.
Th "K Lin
- i ,.. t
PASSENGERS FREIGHT
rWaj;' C
Steamer - Lurline
Night Boat for Portland and
Way Landing!.
Leaves Astoria dally except Sunday
at 7 p, m. .
Leavee Portland Dally Except Sunday
at 7 a. m.
Quick Service Excellent Meali
Good Bertha
Landing Astoria Flavel Wharf
Landing Portland Foot Taylor 8t
J. J. DAY, Agent
Phone Main 27ft.
Actnrfa and 'PArtl'iii.N
nuivnu uuw ii vi liuiltt
ROUND TRIP DAILY
(Except Thursday)
Sr.Hu. R. Spencer
FARE $1.00 EACH WAY
For Portland and Way Landings.
Leaves Callender dock, Astoria 2 JO
p. m.; arrives Portland 9:4S p. m.
Leaves Washington St. dock, Port
land 7 a. m,; arrives Astoria 1 p. m.
SUNDAY EXCURSION
FARE $1.00 ROUND TRIP
Leaves Washington St. dock, Port
land, 8 a. m.; arrives Astoria 1 p. m.
Leaves Callender dock, Astoria 2 p.
m.; arrives Portland 9 p. m.
Connecting atstoria for all
Sea tide Resorts,
Renowned for Speed, Comfort and
courteous treatment.
CAPT. E. W. SPENCER.
General Manager. Portland
Astoria Office, Callender Dock.
MISCELLANEOUS.
C7C
My stock of men's and boy's
J
shoes is unsurpassed for qua
lity. Close buying and low
expenses enable ine to sell the
best qualities at lowest prices.
nvA
S. A. GIMRE
54., Bond Street
Shoemaker
Get yourSHOE REPAIRING done
at E G. GUNALL'S. All work guar-
anteea Frtces right
8TH AND COMMER
CIAL STREETS
Circului muI w revuest