THE MORNING ASTORIAN, ASTORIA, OREGON.
SATURDAY, JULY 1, 1908.
WHAT IS A GAS?
Wall, Hir It Lord Kslvln's Quaintly
Ecc.ntrio Definition.
One of tbo late Lord Kelvin's stu
dents at 'the University of Glasgow
write of some of the old scientist's
peculiarities: "To those who attended
the natural philosophy class at Glas
gow university Lord Kelvin, or, rather,
Sir Billy (for to that length our Ir
reverent love of the genial old man
would go), Is a cherished memory a
memory of a great man who gave ar-
Ucnlate shape to the thoughts that)
1 Star
is erecting a plant at '
PORTLAND, OREGON
for the manufacture of their
world famous
PORTABLE WELL
DRILLING MACHINES
for water, oil, gas, etc., etc.
A moderate amount of
money will start yoa in
a profitable business.
STAR PORTABLE
DRILLING MACHINES
have been proved by
Competitive Tests to be
PI
La
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISEMENTS
HELP WANTED
THE STAR
articulars i
OHIO.
wander through eternity.' Ills appeal i
to our humorous faculties was duel
partly to some personal peculiarities,
partly to the sublimely unconscious
use of very familiar objects and ex
tremely colloquial phrases to Illustrate
his great thoughts on great things.
Kavap hlAfioori with n.n-rn nt rlar
enunciation, he had a way of wrestlln ;;
with certain words and giving thera a
prolonged rolling Intonation that added j
point to those unintentionally humor;!
ous observations which he was ever
making and for which, thoughtless yet I
ot wholly unlovable crew that we
were, we were ever looking. Let me
cite some examples. Lecturing on the
nature of a gas one day. Lord Kelvin j
thus delivered himself: 'Imagine a1'
thousand million students rushlne with
Incredible velocity in one direction and Twenty years of experience tells
thousand million students rushing me that a whole regiment of lions
EV2S? KTi.'TSSh"" " -
Doubtless, but the homely simile com- as one twelve-foot African tusker
pelled laughter and at the same ttme jwhen he cocks his big sail-like ears,
left us both mystified and enlightened. draws himse,f w f h
"But his greatest feat was the play- ... ... 7.
teg of a simple tune on a huge trom- and ,0?ks at you UtUng. oS at ,he
bone. Conceive, if you can, a learned
THE ELEPHANT AT BAY
professor of silvered locks and beard,
dressed In the black robes of his office
and surrounded by scientific Instru
ments, slowly squeezing from a giant
trombone some familiar air and you
will understand why I have said that
Lord Kelvin often made too strong
appeal to our sense of the humorous.
For himself he was sublimely uncon
scious of the humorous picture which
he presented. He was too intent upon
his scientific triumph for the laughter
and it was laughter that literally
held both Its sides to reach his ears.
"Lord Kelvin was once In his usual
delightfully Inconsequent way rambling 1
same time a blood curdling scream:
while in all probability others invis
ible to you are stampeding on all
sides with the din and vibration of an
earthquake. Surrounded in a dense
jungle by a herd of elephants they
seem to block out the whole horizon.
One I measured was actually sixteen
feet from edge of ear to edge of ear.
No wonder my insignificant self seem
ed to shrivel and my huge express
rifle to dwindle into a mere pea shoot
er. Try as I will on such occassions,
I can never overcome my sense of
terror, and always feel inclined to
for safety till I drop. Success Magazine.
Kemp' Balsam is safe eeugh eon,
for it contains nothing thai can barm
you. It ie the best cough cure, but
costs no more than any other kind. All
druggists sell it
along and letting his great mind slow- j throw down my elephant gun and run
ry unfold Its great thoughts. One of
the many subjects on which he touch
ed was the transmission of light from
distant worlds. 'Here,' he said, 1 have
a calf 8 foot Jelly made by Lady Thom
son. Observe the wabbly motion of
the Jelly here suiting the word by ac
tion. Gentlemen, for aught we know
to the contrary, interstellar SDace mar
be one vast calf a foot Jelly.'
. "He was, as I have said, singularly
simple in many of his ways. To suc
cessive generations of students be Illus
trated 'uniform motion in a straight
line in a singularly characteristic fash
Ion. Lame in one leg, he always walk
ed with a most marked limp, yet be
Illustrated 'uniform motion in a straight
line by hobbling round bis rostrum in
a circle. 'I do not believe that he ever
knew why bis pathetically hnmorous
way of illustrating a simple fact In
kinetics made his successive classes
"smile confoundedly loud." Chicago
News.
When you need a cough cure you need
one that will cure your cough. Kemp's
Balsam, the best cough cure, will do it.
All druggists sell it for 25 cents.
Was in Poor Health For Years
Ira W. Kelley, of Mansfield, Pa.,
writes: "I was in poor health for two
years, suffering from kidney and blad
der trouble, and spent considerable
Women with good complexions are
never homely. Good blood makes good
complexions. Lane's Family Medicine
makes good blood. All druggists sell it
for 25 cents.
WANTED TWO MESSENGER
boys. Apply Western Union, 7-4-tf
WANTED A HOUSE GIRL; $23
per month. Enquire at lloefler'i.
M-tf
My stock of men's and boy's wantisd-a boy or young
man for kitchen work; good oppor
, , , - tunity to learn cooking; $25. Ham-
Shoe? IS Unsurpassed for qua- mond Lumber Co. Boarding House,
! Phone B. 2446. . 7-4-tf
lity. Close buying and low. wanted good man in every
I locality; good pay; experience un
expenses enable me to sell the necessary to represent large -real
, j estate organization, write today. R. F.
hMtniiftlitiVsftt lowest nricps. Lo Co- D Moines, Iowa.
PROFESSIONAL CARD),
UNDESTAKXSa.
attorneys-at.law
charles h. abercrombie
Attorney-at-Law
City Attorney Offices: City Hall
J.A, UIL11AUUI1 & CO.,
Umlertnkcr and Kmlialruers.
Experienced I,dr Assistant
When Desired.
JOHN C McCUS .
Attorney-at-Law
Deputy District Attorney.
Page Building SnUe
f wW 19 9 V M
FOR SALE.
S. A. GIMRE
543 Bond Street
! for SALE-20 automatic
I nickel in the slot weighing scales, 1
I electric nicker in the slot piano, set
j up and in operation in differen sa
, loons in the city; price $200 cash; will
! !- ..... tYI - . L. A I
Idling in uvcr ftvu niunin. fluorest
HOWARD M. BROWN ELL
Attorney-at-Law
Office with Mr. J. A. Eakin, a:
Commercal St., Astoria.
420
"B.," Astorian.
6-4-tf.
TRANSPORTATION.
The
PASSENGERS
II
FREIGHT
$2500.00 BUYS 160-ACRE DAIRY
and fruit farm; three and one-half
miles from best market in Oregon;
fully stocked; terms. Address L. C.
Smith, Newport, re. 7-4-4t
Steamer - Lurline
Night Boat for Portland and
Way Landings.
Leaves Astoria daily except Sunday
at 7 p. m.
Leaves Portland Dairy except Sraday
at 7 a. m.
Qakk Service Excellent Meals
Good Bertha
Landing Astoria Flavel Wharf.
Landing Portland Foot Taylor It
J. J. DAY, Agent
Phone Mala 2761.
FOR SALE ONE SIX MONTHS'
scholarship in a Business College
! of Portland. Enquire Astorian office.
I 6-30-61
FIRST-CLASS DKNSMORE TYPE
writer, at half price; also light driv
ing team, buggy and harness; to
gether or separately. C. E. Barney,
with Warren Packing Co., Astoria.
OSTEOPATHS.
ssssswissasasi
DR. RHODA C. HICKS
Osteopath
Office Mansell Bldg. Phone Black 206S
673 Commercial St.. Astoria. Ore
DENTISTS
DR. VAUGHAN
Dentist
Pythian Building, Astoria, Oregon
DR. W. C, LOGAN
Dentist
Commercial St Shanahan Bldg,
FOR KXIIT.
.FOR RENT FURNISHED AND
I unfurnished rooms; electric light
, and water. 454 Bond cor. 10th. 30-tf.
MISCELLANEOUS.
i .1-11-1 ,11 Ml. I ...I. U.
WANTED-TO BUY A HORSE;
weight about 1250 pounds; not over
8 years old; must be good driver and
gentle, also city broke. Address As
torian office.
TEETH
Without Plain,
llll DEB
COR. IITH AND COMMERCIAL
HOUSE MOVERS.
DAIRIES.
Office hours 8:30 A. M. to
6-9-tf. 8: P. M. Sunday 10:00 to
12:00.
Phone Number Main 3001.
FREDR1CKSON BROS. We make nii
a specialty of house moving, car- rM tZiraCIIOnj - 5QC
Sultry crer Commtrcil1 and llth
ner Tenth and Duane streets. fcts Over JJanziger Store.
During the summer kidney irregu
larities are often caused by excessive
j drinking or being overheated. Attend
jto the kidneys at once by using
Foley's Kidney Coure. T. F. Laurin,
Owl Drug Store.
Quick Relief for Asthma Sufferers
J?r1 Ar'c T-T nnan on1 &An
money consulting phys.c.ans w.thout imniediate reiie t0 asthma sufferers
obtaining any marked benefit, but was j in the worse stages and if taken in
cured by Foley's Kidney. Cure, and I J time will effect a cure. T. F. Laurin,
desire to add my testimony that it may J Owl Drug Store
uc me cause or restoring tne neaitn
The Vermont Dairy
LOST AND FOUND.
LOST BUNCH OF KEYS; FIND
er will please leave at the Astorian
and receive reward. 7-7-2t
BUSINESS DIRECTORY.
Call Promptly Attended Day
or Night.
Tatton Udjr. l'Jtlnmcl Duaii8U
ASTOICIA. OUE.UON
IMione Muln Jill ,
' . MIOICAL.
Uaprect.ste4
Suoexwe el
D. i GEE HI)
TBI GlUt '
CEIlftSI DOCT01
Who is knows
l,.tlironghoot the Unltsl
-i Dim on acevuai or
(pkls worlrful eum.
V mlm 1
iPVMvna or nin um os smaraa
to eure eatarrb, astbraa. lua aaa
i trvuoi, roeuniacism, BervouMess,
ililM.l IImam - 1 LI U .
"" a sanT. itmaw roia
plaint and all ehronie dlaae.
SUCCESSFUL HOME TRIATMZXT.
If you cannot call writ for srmutoai
blank and circular, inclosing 4 eaU la
Stamps.
THE t GEE WO MEDICIKE CO.
1121 First St., Oornor Morrtavw,
P0STLAICD, 0SEGO1T.
FkMte mtatioa the Astoria.
PLUMBERS.
ujiiin
PLUMBER
Heating Contractor, Tinner
AND
Sheet Iron Worker
KLL WORK GUARANTEE!;
42S Bond Street
LOST-A 9MNCH MESH NET,
All milk aerated before bottling.1 marked F. N., near Sand Island.
Specialty made of one cow's milk for i The 'inder will be rewarded if re-
infants. Satisfaction guaranteed. , turned to the Union Cannery.
Phone 14 Fanners line.
W. J. INGALLS.
WINES AND LIQUORS.
of others." Refuse substitutes.
Laurin, Owl Drug Store.
T. F.
A TIME-SAVING DEVICE
Every employee of the Bank of
Ginseng as an Elixir. England is required to sign his name
Many of the Chinese believe that i in a book on his arrival in the morn-
when all other remedies fail and death ingi and if ate must give the reason
Is at hand ginseng has the power to i,k T. . ( ( . ..
h,!r, i!,Ht a , .LT. u : therefor. The chief cause of tardi-
Eagle Concert Hall
(320 Astor Street)
Rooms for rent by the day, week, or
month. Bes rates in town.
P. A. PETERSON, Prop.
LOST-GOLD NECKLACE, JULY
j 4th; finder return to this office and
receive reward 7-7-3t
I
ILOST-BUNCII OF KEYS. FIND-
er pleasure return to Astoria office
and receive reward. 7-5-tf
RESTAURANTS.
T0KI0M1 ;!AUBANT,
Oi posite Ross. Higgins & Co,
Coilee with Pie or Cake 10 Cta.
FIRST-CLASS MEALS
Regular Meals IS Cts. and Up.
MISCELLANEOUS.
VETERINARY COLLEGE.
SAN FRANCISCO VETERINARY
College; next session begins, Sept.
15th. Dr. C. Keane, Pres., 1818 Mar
ket street. Catalogue free.
U. 8. RESTAURANT.
434 Bond Street
Coffee with Pie or Cake, 10 Cts.
FIrst-Class Meals, IS Cta.
FISH MARKET.
NOTICE.
MM
H II I OR COLD BIS ARE HEREBY ASKED FOR
miming a Drioge across tne mouth
Fis
We!
when they feel the need of it they will
pay fabulous prices for certain kinds of
roots. A root to be really valuable as
I commodity must come from the
mountains of Kirin or be reputed to
have come from there. It must be bi
furcated, so as to resemble as much as
possible the human form, and be semi
transparent, dry and flinty. Of course
the larger the root the better, and as It
Is sold by weight it is not very uncom
mon for a good specimen to birtug as
much as $10O an ounce. The value for
srach a root Is in Us shape, its texture,
the manner in which it has been cured
and the region whence it came. But it
must be borne in mind that out of a
great quantity of roots only a very few
of the kind described can be obtained,
so that the average price of ginsen.sj Is
even greatly lees than $100 per pound.
ness is usually fog, and the first man
to arrive writes "fog" opposite his
mine, and those who follow write
"ditto." The other day, however, the
first late man gave as the reason,
"wife had twins," and twenty other
late men mechanically signed "ditto"
underneath. Success Magazine.
Would you give twenty-five cents t"
stop your cough? Then get a bottl
: of Kemp'g Balsam id you will havs
i enough for the whole family. It cosU
; druggist 25c.
COLLEGES.
War Against Consumption
All nations are endeavoring- to
check the ravages ' of consumption,
the "white plague" that claims so
man victims each year. Foley's
Honey and Tar cures coughs and
colds perfectly and you are in no
danger of consumption. Do not risk
your health by taking some unknown
preparation when Foley's Honey and
Tar is safe and certain in results. The
genuine is in a yellow package .
! SCHOOLS AND
Study Law
Golden West
Tea
Just Right
CLOSSET & DEVERS,
PORTLAND, ORE.
Stimulation With Irritation
In a recognized institution of learn
ing. Such a one is the Department
of Law of the University of Oregon.
its graduates succeed and many of
fhem are now prominent members of
the Bench ;,:id Bar, Faculty of 17
instructors. Students have access to
niv EE
la 1 W i
(iuaruitMq
B4l to stricture.
ItheEvansChemicuCo.
CIHCINHATI.O
e.g..
MEN AND WOMEN,
U Big U for nnnkmral
dlcliaririi, inflammation '
irritations or ulceration
of niucouft membrane!.
PainleBU, and not Mtrln
gent or poinunoui.
Hold by Dranrlita,
or lent in plain wrappor,
by xpr"i. prepaid, tot
f 1.00. or 3 bottl". 2.7.
('irci)iai abut on reuuei
a library of 10,000 volumnes. Next
That is the watchword. That isiterm l,ens at"t September 21, 1908.
what Orino Laxative Fruit Syrup j Free catalogue on application. Ad
does. Cleanses and stimulates the
bowels without irritation in any form. jflress Walter H. Evans, Secretary, 611
T. F. Laurin, Owl Drug Store. jCorbett Building, Portland, Oregon.
MISCELLANEOUS.
Smith's Special
Delivery
EXPRESS AND BAGGAGE
Leave Orders at Star Cigar Store".
Phone Black 2383
Res. Phone Red 2276.
Stand Corner llth anl Commercial
I
'of the Xecanicum, at Seaside, Oregon;
, Said .bridge to be built according to
I plans and specifications prepared by
jVV. A. Grondnhl, now on file in the
County Clerk's Office. Rids to be
ft. J .1-- ii . . .
iiico wiui ine county vicrK on or ne-
fore July IS, 1908. The Court reserv
ing the right to reject any or all bids.
liy order of the County Court,
J. C. CLINTON, Clerk.
77 Ninth St., near Bond
'Fresh and Salted Fish.
Game and Poulirv.
Groceries, Produce and Fruit
Imported and Domestic
Goods.
P. Bakotitch A'Feo, Proprs.
Ftaie Red 2181
E. C. YOUNCE
AND
W.F.BAKER
PLUMBERS
Tinners, Steam and Gai Fitting.
All Work Guaranteed. 126 Eighth
Street, opp, Post Office. Phone Main
4061.
LAUNDRIES.
Those Pleated Bosom Shirts
The kind known by dressy men in
the summer, are difficult articles to
launder nicely. Unless you know just
how to do it, the front pleats won't
iron down smooth, and the shirt
front will look mussy. Our New
Press Ironer irons them without
rolling or stretching. Try it
TROY LAUNDRY,
Tenth and Duane. Phone Main 1M1
SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES.
UNIVCRSITV fir nsrr.Au
sunriER sEssion
Owm. la Bljionr, Ch.ml.t7, Wantloa, KaftUk
yuwBtnwL Ojrroan, Franco. Spaolah, Hillary
IMC A HTM KNT roA f AcWkl
. fauloiru. addraaa U
sniiTut, ssnruim tr missi, usiit,
1
SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES"
PROPOSALS.
NOTICE IS 'HEREBY GIVEN
that the undersigned will receive
bids, at his office in the City of Hood
River, Oregon, up to July 15th, in
clusive, for transcribing and indexing
.ill records of Wasco County in any
way affecting real estate situated in
Mood River County, all transcripts
to be typewritten in record books to
be furnished by Hood River County.
Bids should specify the amount per
folio ; of one hundred words for
transcribing and indexing said rec
ords separately. A bond in the sum
of three thousand dollars will be re
quired to insure the faithful perform
ance of the contract. The right is
reserved to reject any or all bids.
A. J. DERBY.
County Judge of Hood River .County.
BUSINESS COLLEGE
WASHINGTON AND TENTH 8TRCCT8
PORTLAND, OREGON
WRITE FOR CATALOG
Th School that Places Ton in a Good Position
TENTS
and camping utensils See us before
you take your outing.
Hildebrand & Gor
Old Bee Hive Bldg.
Largest, best, most thorough and up-to-date.; Business College
west of the Mississippi River. Three times as .many calls for help
as can fill Craduates all employed. Each te.cher is an expert In
his line and has had ACTUAL BUSINESS experience. If interested
call or write for catalogue "A."
I. M. WALKER, President. ; O. A. BOSSERMAN, Secretary.