THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 21, mi
J Episode.
THE MORNING ASTOR IAN. ASTORIA, OREGON.
3
9y Thomat 9. Monterl,
Coprrtsht, WOT, by Thomat B. Mont-fort
.....,....,.. ,!
EE them two oia plug ovci
therer ttio landlord of tin
Maverick hotel asked, polntlni
, serosa tb itreot Tb grocery
drummer, Who bad been caught ovei
Bandar In Uio little Kansas cow town
looked op flint taw two grlMlod, gray
old wan titling peacefully aide by alilr
oo a dry goods box In the ahade of ti
building. !
mA mild mid quiet aa pair of llttl.
Innocent Inmbe," tbe landlord added.
with k chuckle, "and dwellln' togothm
jest like they waa own twin brothers!
Toe grocery drummer yawned ami
took up a paper and begau to road
Tot old men did not Intoreet blin In
tbe taut It waa do uncommon thing
In bla experience to see a couple of old
fellows looting on a Tillage etreet
"But titat't Jest the way they alwnyi
are," tbe landlord went on. "You hnnl
I ! a m whnn thaw ain't tiv
Rvtber. Wherever one goes tbe other
tmb, man wniioTer out aoe mo oinoi
does. Ever atnce feller come along
here and put ua on to It we been callln'
'am Damon ami Pythles. You're beard
tell of tbeui cbapa, 1 reckon J
Tbe drummer nodded.
"Wall, these two old cuba la jeet llki
that eo far aa their frlendahlp goos
aund by each other through thick and
thin, and either of 'em would fight to
the laat breath for tbe other. Ami
quiet and peacrablol You would natu
rally think they'd been raised op In a
(Sunday achool and badn't never beard
tU of nothln' but tht Bible all their
lives."
Tbe drummer made oo reply, and a
long alleuce followed. At last, how-
over, toe landlord emitted a tort
chuckle and, pointing ncroaa the atreet,
aid:
You wouldn't over guess, now,
a-tookln' at them aottln' there that
way, that they need to be two of tbe
k ;tougbt cusses that ever run the
I 'rang and that for two years they
jtrled their very beat to kilt each oth
J fer. Now, would your
1 "Hardly," the drummer answered.
' I "Tl It'a inn an I !., nni.1. nt ..m
VM W( mr VS V W VIM
Ma got a pound of lead In him now
hat the other put there, and aa for
carswell, I reckon tbey'vt branded
Men other up aiiout aa complete aa
hey could without pottln' tbe scare
on double."
Tbe drummer began to abow Internet.
h nirflftilar. v
J "Well, It'a like this," tbe landlord !
rftffln 'tfla Knrn that's tha nna Ail tha
right there he used to be a cowboy
and worked on the Triple X ranch,
'bout twenty niilea south of town. Anil
jhe was ahore a holy terror. There wan
? lots of mighty tough cowboya round
I here In them daya, but tbe toughest
fW 'em wn aa mild and harmless am
tables compared with Joe. Then? little
tcrsppln' and abootln' wa'n't much
more than Runday achool work when
fooked at alongside of what he done.
"Among the eccentric notlona Joe
got Into hit bead waa one to tbe effect
TS1 BALL OCT A LOOK OP HAIB FBOM
, ABs BJtlO.
bat this town didn't need no marshal
and shouldn't have pone. Accordln'ly,
la aoon aa that Idea hit him be Bent In
word to tbo marshal lnvltln' him to
resign or move away and aaytn' that
t he would be up In few daya and
would be under the painful necessity
of vacatln' , the office with bla tlx
thootor If the marshal disregarded bis
well meant Invitation.
"Tbe marshal was a young foller,
nnd he hadn't never felt any special
longing to quit this world for another
that be didn't know anything about, so
he auddenly docldod that he'd give up
ills Job and go away to some place
'. Jhnt was more conducive to longevity.
XV : -
Accordln'ly, he tendered his resigna
tion end without wattln' for Ittebe s
oeptsd lit out
After that than were other tear-
aha Is, bat none of tbam heia tut offlce
very long. At fast aa they wars elect-
ed Joe Invited thetn to resign, and they
showed respect fdr bla wishes,1 Some
of them wore a little slow, though, and
he bad to come In and prota bla Invi
tation by flrln' a few shots Just doss
enough about their beads to make them
nervous and loosen up the muscles of
their legs, : .
"Well, things went along that way
for 'bout a year. Then one day a long
ganglln' feller with a mild eye, a soft
voice and a eotentu' lookln' face hap
pened Into town. Ills name waa Ab
Case, and Hint's him a-elttln' over
there on the left
"Ab be was lookln' for a Job, and
tbe town It waa lookln' for a marshal
jest thon, so the two gits together and
strikes up a dual. Ab says be ain't
never been a uiunbal, hut 'lows ha can
manage It all right, and the town Is
findln' It difficult to get anybody to
take tbe Job with Joe Kern and ahore
death bonglu' over It eo to apeak.
'Well, Ab Is sworn In and pnta on tbe
star, and then bora cornea a Invite to
blm from Joe, askln' him to resign. Ab
listened to Joe'a message, which was
delivered by another cowboy, then
ahrugs bla ahouldors and replies that be
don't never accept Invitations second
hand. " . n. '
" if Mr. Kern wants me to consider
any proposition be baa got to offer
along that Hue,' he says, 'he will have
to corns In and see me possonally.'
"About three dsys later Mr. Kern
did come In. Down at tbe saloon he
told them why he had come. It was
to convince the new marshal that be
ought to resign and go away.
" 'And I have brought my vary best
arguments with me,' be finished, 'ar
guments that ain't never failed aa a
laat resort.'
"Be ahore bad them, too-a Win
chester and a braes of six shooters.
And be knowed bow to handle them
arguments 'bout aa eloquently as any
man that ever lived.
"He Irrigated bla system at the bar,
coolly lighted a cigar and then went
out to look up the marshal and pay his
respects to him. And be didn't have to
go far, either, for be was scarcely out
of tbe saloon when somebody pointed
out Ab atandln' on a corner 'bout half
a block away.
" 'Arc you ahore that's blmf Joe
naked. 'I'd rather not make any mis
take and kill an Innocent man If It can
be helped.' ,.
"That's shore him," they answered.
"Joe smiled and raised hit guo.
" Til Barter wake him np,' he said.
1 won't hurt him at first but Jeet call
bis attention that I'm here.'
"Us fired, end the ball cot a lock of
hair from Ab's head. Ab looked
around sort of casual to sea what It
meant and the next Instant aent back
an answer to Joe'a shot That anawer
plowed a furrow along the aide of Joe'a
head. . ' '
"From that they went at it in dead
earnest Everybody else got oat of tho
way and give 'cm a clear field. There
wa'n't no Imckln' down and no runnln'
on the part of neither of 'em, Tbcy
Jest stood up there and pumped lead at
and Into each other as carelessly and
cheerfully as yoa please.
"After 'bout ten minutes the flrln'
cesscd, and then ws all cautiously
peered out to aee how It bad ended.
They was both down on the ground
helpless, but still tryln to shoot
"When we come to examine, we
found 'em pretty badly riddled np, hut
with no wounds that promised to be
fatal. We carried 'cm off, and the
doctors patched 'em up, and for a long
time they remained quiet In bed.
"Some of ua reckoned tbe matter
would end there, aa they bad both
aborely had enough, but the older men
thought different One of 'em sold:
" 'It won't ever end while they both
live. Kern will never give up, and It'a
pretty evident Cass won't either. When
tbey got out they'll bo at It again, and
they'll keep at it till one of 'em Is done
for.'
"And It proved that be waa partly
right Tbo very first time they met
after their recovery they took another
round of abootln' at each other.
"Tbe result this time was similar to
what It bad been before. Both were
badly used up, but neither Injured
fatally.
"And ao for two years it continued.
Every time Joe came up to town there
waa a ahootln bout They fought to
kill, too, and, both of 'em belli' good
shots, we reckoned every time one of
em would be shore, to git it But
strange to say, neither of 'em ever did.
They riddled each other all up, but
they waa never able to gtt in a finish
in'ahot "I'll git him ylt though,' Joe de
clared. 'I'm Jest bound to do It before
I quit'
"Ab made the same declaration, and
we was all shore one of 'era would be
killed before the tblug come to an end.
Didn't seem like It could wind up any
other way. . '
"But It transpired that we 'was all
entirely nilstakon, aa you can see for
yourself.
"One day, 'bout three months after
the last sbootln' scrape and Jest when
we was expectln' Joe to make another
appearance, a covered wagon drove
Into town and stopped In front of the
mayor's office. The wagon was from
the Triple X, and we couldn't under
stand Its boln' covered that way, so
we nil gathered round to tee what it
meant
"In the bottom of the wagon was
aome straw, and lylu' stretched out on
the straw waa Joe Kern. We see at a
fflanco that Joo. waa mighty alck. for
ho Jest lay there and - moaned ana
didn't -take no notice of nobody nor
nothlnY 'i"v'w, '
' "While ws waa atandln' (here gapln'
Ilka a passul of Idiots Ab come np and
pushed bis way through the Crowd to
tbe wagon. We 'lowed shore as soon
at Ab got his eyes on Joe he'd plaf
him, but right there we was mistaken
some more, !-.(" ';'' ! :'; :(
"Ab looks at Joe a minute, then
turns to tbe driver and sayts
" What' a the matter of tbe ensst
" 'Smallpox,' the driver replies.
"In about half a minute that Iden
ileal part of town became rather
sesree of population. All of ns except
Ab,' Joe snd the driver happened to
simultaneously remember that we had
more prcssln' business other placet,
and We hurried off to tend to It
"It seemod, aa we learned afterward,
that Joe bad been exposed to the small
pox somewhere and that tbe first thing
tbey knowed he took down with It Tbe
ranch wn'n't no fit place for a alck man
to stay, so they loaded blm up and sent
blm Into town, expectln' the mayor tc
take him In band and do sotnetblu' with
"or TBiBt's sjnr mohb snooriic doks,
XOO'LL BAVI TO DO IT I" .
him. But It happened that the mayor
waa away from borne and wouldn't be
back for a week.
"Ab studied a little while. Then be
said to the driver;
" Take him down to my house. 111
keep blm and do the best I can for
htm. That aeema to be all there Is for
It'
"So the driver went on down to Ab's
bouse, and be and Ab took Joe from
tbe wagon and carried blm In and put
blm In Ab'a bed. Ab turned nuss and
stayed right there with Joe, sleepln' on
a blanket on tbe floor.
"Of courso we waa all surprised at
Ab doln' that way, seels' that he and
Joe were aucb bitter enemies, and we
talked about It and wondered at It
Joe couldn't understand It either, ao
one day when be waa glttln' better he
aaye to Ab:
, " Tbere'a one thing 1 want to know,
Mr. Case. I've puaaled about it a good
bit lyln' here, and I can't seem to git
the hang of It I would like to know
why you took me In and nussed me
this wayr
" 'I hope,' Ab replied, 'that you ain't
got no notion that I done It for lover
" 'Hardly,' Joe answered, 'But that
Is what makes It harder to understand.'
" Then I'll explain,' Ab said. Tint
I wouldn't be brute enough to let a
alck dog suffer for attention If I could
help it and, second, I didn't want you
to die a natural death and cheat me out
of the pleasure of ahootln' yon.'
"Joe's face broke Into a amlle, and he
reached out and took Ab'a band and
pressed It warmly.
"Tour worda are a great relief to
me,' be said. 'I waa afraid you waa
goln' to place me under obligations not
to kill you, and It worried me. But
now I understand, and it'a all right
Aa aoon aa I get out of this we'll take
op the fight and we'll keep It up till I
git you.'
" Till I git you, yon mean,' Ab cor
rected. "Don Well, you'll see.'
"It went on till at last Joe waa able
to bo up and around; then I'm blamed
If Ab didn't turn In and take down
with tbe smallpox. Then them two
Jest reversed things. Ab took the bed,
and Joe nussed him and slept on the
floor. Ab waa mighty bad off for
awhile, but finally be begun to git bet
ter. "One day when Joe was slttln' by
the bed Ab broke a long slleuce by
saying;
"'I'll be out soon now, and then I
reckon we'll be dono with this cussed
amallpox.
" 'Yep, I reckon bo,' Joe replied.
"'And It won't be long either,' Ab
went on, till we can resume our little
pastime of shootln' each other up.'
"Joe turns around and looks Ab
straight In the cyea and says:
"'You may think me a coward If
you want to, but I say right now that
If there's any more shootln' done you'll
have to do it I'm through for my part
Before I'll shoot a mau who took me
in and cared for me like you did I'll
pull up stakes aid leave the country.'
"Ab looked surprised for a moment;
then he stretched out his hand and
BOld: ' ' V' , - ,f ;.j
1 " 'put 'er thar, pard. Them's my sen
timonts enctly.' 1
, "And from that day them two fel
lora has been Jest like you Bee 'em
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A Well Manntrsd Bus.
Biding In nn omnibus up Regent
atreet recently, an old lady was an
noying the other passengers by her re
marks. Tbe conductor remonstrated
with bcr. Baying, "Ma'am, remember
you are in a public vehicle, and behave
aa sucb."-Loudon Spectator.
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Some Aatoria People Have Learned
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Backache and kidney ache are twin
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For sale by all dealers. Price, 50
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Remember the name Doan's and
take no other.
Sarcastic
Art Master (pointing to a lean horse)
-What do you call that? Cabby-An
'orse, sir. Art Master A horse! Bub
It out, and do It again. London An
iwers. If a man would learn to pray, let
hlui go to sea. French Proverb.
Subscribe for the Astorian.
F
National
REPORT OF THE CONDITION
OF THE
irst
At Astoria, in the State of Oregon, at
the close of business, February 14,
1908: .
RESOURCES.
Loans and discounts $403,597.61
Overdrafts, secured and un- ,
secured I,89a91
U. S. Bonds to secure cir
culation 47,000.00
Premium on U. S. Bonds.. 1,400.00
Bonds, securities, etc...... 56,930.00
Due from National Banks
(not reserve agents) 51,204.04
Due from State Banks and
Bankers 46.085.1S
Due from approved reserve
agents 200,595.03
Checks and other casn
items . 487.62
Notes of other National
Banks 13,955.00
Nickels and cents 322.51
Lawful money reserve in
Bank, viz.:
Soecia $194,000
Legal-tender notes. 120 194,120.00
Redemption fund with u. b.
Treasurer (5 oer cent cir
culation) 2,350.00
Total $1,019,945.87
LIABILITIES.
Capital stock paid in... ..'..$100,000.00
Surplus fund ............. 25,000.00
Undivided prohts, less ex
penses and taxes paid... 24,408.91
National Bank notes out
standing . . 47,000.00
Individual deposits sub
ject to check.. $646,648.86
Demand certificates of de
posit $176,513.10
Certified checks.. 375.00 823,536.96
Total . $1,019,945.87
' State of Oregon, County of Clat
sop, ss.:
I, S. S. Gordon, Cashier of the
above-named bank, do solemnly swear
that the above statement is true to
the best of my knowledge and belief.
S S. GORDON,
Cashier.
Subscribed and sworn to before me
this 21st day of February, 1908.
E. P. NOONAN,
. Notary-Public.
Correct Attest:
w. f. McGregor, '
J. WESLEY LADD,
G. C. FLAVEL, r
Directors.
The man who Is always on ttnie has
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FXPFRIFNCB
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V