6
THE MORNING ASTORIAN. ASTORIA, OitEGON.
THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 0, 1008.
INITIATION DFBQWSER
Gay Old Boys' Club Explains What
Was Done on That Occasion.
GIVES TRUE FACTS IN CASE
Organization Resents the Statement
Mad by New Mambar Concerning
! His Traatmant Takan to Hia Horn
by Membere.
tCopyrisht, 1907, bjr T. C McClur.J ,
At the last meeting of the Gay Old
Boys' club. founded by Noah Webster
at the time bo got out his first diction
ary and numbering among Its members
each convivial persons as Thomas Jef
ferson, James Monroe and James Madi
son, the following preamble and resolu
tion were unanimously adopted:
"Whereas, An Individual calling him
elf and known to the public as Samuel
Bowser made application for member
ship In this club and was elected and
Initiated and then came out In the pub
lic press and made statements deroga
tory to Its high and mighty dignity;
aow, therefore, be It
"Reeolred, That the secretary of the
crab be requested and empowered to
write and publish a statement contain
ing the true facts In the case over the
great seal of the club."
The statement Is as follows and
worn to before a notary public:
"Some time since Mr. Samuel Bowser
made it known to one of the members
of this club that be had long been look-
DKJLPKD AS JtrLTCB CAXSAB.
tag for just such an organization and
would feel honored to become a mem
, ber. In due time the following list of
printed questions was sent to him to
fill out and return:
"Are yon a baldheaded man?
"Does Mrs. Bowser stand in awe of
you?
"Can you find your way borne after
drinking the third bottle?
"Have yon the moral courage to en
ter your house at 2 o'clock in the morn
ing, knowing that your wife is sitting
np for yon?
"How long have yon been a game old
sport?
"How long have yon had a desire to
Join some club that was engaged in
saving the country?
"If given the choice of separation
from your wife or the club, which
would it be?
"Should you reach home in a dizzy
condition from any cause, can we tnnst
you to keep the name of this club on
sullied? i "Do you babble In your dreams?
"Are there any back windows to your
bouse that yon can climb into In case
yon find the front door bolted against
you?
"Do you agree to abide by all the
rales and regulations In force in this
club at the time of your Initiation ?
"Mr. Bowser's answers to the ques
tions as above were considered satis
factory, and he was notified that on a
certain night he ehould appear for ini
tiation. What passed between him and
Mrs. Bowser when he told her of the
coming honor we can only guess at, but
It was probably ail that could be hoped
for. As the first step in his initiation
he was requited to sing a love song.
He selected 'A Brown Eyed Angel' and
sang with great feeling. At its finish
a fine of $21 was Imposed on him to
pay for the broken glass and the dam
age to the ceiling, and be cheerfully
paid it
Patted Ordeal Nobly.
"Mr. Bowser was then seated in a
chair, and a poultice consisting of bran
and catnip was applied to his head.
He passed the ordeal nobly.
"He was then asked to stand on his
head to give his brains a new sensa
tion. He hesitated for a moment, but
when informed that the Hon. Charles
Bumner and all others had willingly
complied with the regulations he up
ended himself.
"There was a solemn aud dignified
silence while he stood on his head.
This club has never yet forgotten its
dignity.
"When Mr. Bowser's brains bad thor
oughly enjoyed the novel situation be
was given a bowl of rice and two chop
sticks and requested to eat. He did
fairly well. Indeed, the few members
that yet doubted that be was a game
old sport were by this time fully con
vinced that he was a good loser.
"The next step was to requsst a
speech from him on the bulwarks of
American liberty. This was to show
his familiarity with the principles of
government. He wabbled somewhat--that
is. he dlxcd Columbus, Napoleon,
sbout Mrs, Bowser but, al) things cob
itJbred, he got through very well,
there were bo roars of laughter. All
about him was silence and dignity.
. The Gay Old Boya have never yet for
gotten what Is due to themselves.
I "fi Ttmraor n than tvwml n a
beer keg standing on end and was
draped as Julius Caesar, while four
members of the club, provided with
potatoes, retired to the other side of
the hall and threw at htm. lie ob
jected at first, but finally announced
that he would go through with It to
spite Mrs. Bowser.
"He was thou draped as Napoleon
and was given a glass of sour butter
milk to drluk. He drank it off with
the observation that there were no files
on him.
"He was then seated on the keg,
with each bare foot in a pail of Ice
water, and told to look like Washing
ton crossing tho Delaware. In the
course of five mtnutes Mr. Bowser as
sumed tweuty-seven different expres
sions of countenance, but he dually
struck the right one at last and held
it like a conqueror. There was no
cheering, however. The Gay Old Boys
never cheer. They show their appre
ciation by their dignity and silence.
"As the next step Mr. Bowser was
asked to name three different school
ma'ams he had fallen in love with be
fore be was twenty years old. He
promptly named seven, but followed
It by an impassioned appeal that we
should not say anything to Mrs. Bow
ser. Upon being asked if he was
afraid of her be denied that he was,
but explained that she had a little
way of making him uncomfortable at
times.
."As the last step in Mr. Bowser's in
itiation he was required to lie at full
length on his back on the floor while
forty members marched over him. This
was to show a proper humiliation of
spirit Each of the forty halted for a
few seconds and stood on the candi
date's stomach. Mr. Bowser was about
to protest, but when told that James
K. Polk had submitted to the same
thing be remained silent
- Hailed as Brother.
"The initiation thus concluded, Mr.
Bowser was taken by the arms and
run four times around the room and
then hailed as a brother and a bottle
of champagne placed before him. In a
few minutes and without any prompt
ing from a member be arose and sang
Old Black Joe.' It was a different
'Old Black Joe' from any that we had
ever heard, and it was somewhat
mixed with 'Annie Laurie' and 'John
Brown,' but no criticisms were made.
The Gay Old Boys never criticise.
"A few minutes later Mr. Bowser
asked permission to deliver an oration
In Latin. He was not encouraged and
not refused, and be went ahead. In
delivering his oration the name of Mrs.
Bowser was frequently used, but we
could not exactly make out what he
was driving at. The Gay Old Boys
never interfere In family matters.
"It was noticed In a casual way that
Mr. Bowser had got bold of a second
quart of champagne, but no remarks
were made. The Gay Old Boys never
remark.
"We were about to sing 'Auid Lang
Syne and disperse when Mr. Bowser
rose np and said that be would like to
put the gloves on with some one for a
couple of rounds.
"The remark was laid on the. table.
"Then the newborn member an
nounced that be was the champion
numer of the United States and that
he would run any member of the club
a distance of thirty miles for any
wager named.
"The remark was laid nnder the ta
ble. "Mr Bowser then asked the privilege
of making a few remarks on the deatb
of Cicero, but the meeting adjourned
without listening to him, though not
before appointing two members to see
him home and unlock the front door.
That they did their brotherly duty by
him there is no cause for doubt He
was received at the door by Mrs. Bow
ser, and as far as the members could
satisfy themselves be was not dragged
upstairs feet first
"So far as this club is concerned, not
a word would have been said to the
outside world had not Mr. Bowser, by
his explanations to Mrs. Bowser, forced
ns into the attitude taken.
"G. QUILL,
"Secretary Gay Old Boys' Club."
Per M. Quad.
ciA:Bsip"iED' Advertising
HELP WANTED.
WANTED 2 MESSENGER BOYS.
Apply Wesern Union. " 2-4 tf.
Exceptional.
"It's strange," said the impatient
man, "but I never seem able to get
any enswer from that telephone oper
ator." "That's so," answered Mr. Meekton.
"She is the one woman In my experi
ence who hasn't seemed to enjoy talk
ing back." Washington Star.
Revenge, or the Cast Shoe.
Quick Sale. r
Clerk S your little boy wants a
drum, eh"? Well, here's a bargain lu
one that's hard to beat.
Nervous Papa The very thing!
That's the kind I'll buy him at any
cost KanHH City Times.
SITUATION WANTED.
SITUATION WANTED BY A
young lady of experience, a position
a stenographer; has own machine.
Apply this office. 2-5-3t.
SITUATION WANTED BY MARRIED
woman a housekeepers good cook)
fond of children. Address Housekeeper,
Aatorian office. 1-22-tf.
PARTNER WANTED.
WANTEDA PARTNER IN SMALL
sanitarium; $100 required; gentleman
w Udy. Address Diedrleh, Astorian
oflfoe, MMf.
FOR RENT.
FOR RENT -9 ROOM HOUSE;
corner Jerome and 17th streets.
Apply to Capt. Fcrchen, 330 17th
street 2-2-tf.
FOR RENT-A NEW MODERN
dwelling house. For particulars en
quire of Van Dusen & Co., or Phone
Black 23S1. 2-tf.
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FOR SALE.
WOOD FOR SALE PHONE RED
2186. 2-S-tf.
TWO SECOND HAND TYPE
. writers for sale cheap. Call at office
of the Astoria Abstract Title & Trust
Co, 186 Eleventh street, Astoria,
Oregon. 1-24-lSt
rOK BALE THE STOCK AND JTX
torn of a general store located a few
Ha from Astoria; rery clean stock,
axl will tarok about (7000. Par
Wars at
WESTERN REALTY CO.
ONE HUNDRED-ROOM HOTEL FOR
sales doing a splendid bmlnaaai good
pportunity for ftrat-cIaM hotel man.
WESTERN REALTY CO.
rOB SALE ONE-QUARTER OR ONE
aalf Interest in a summer resort
total doing a fine business over 100
reoma and always engaged Vay ahead.
WESTERN REALTY CO.
rOR SALE THE FURNITURE OF A
large lodging boose; room always
rail; low not Western Realty Co,
MONEY TO LOAN.
MONEY TO LOAN ON qOOD
security, at Scandinavian-American
Savings Bank, Astoria.
Money to loan on good security.
Scandinavian-American Savings Bank.
Read the Morning Astorian 60 cents
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Nothing Makes
Life So Sweet
As easy, comfortable shoes. Nothing
makes life as unbearable as poorly
fitting shoes. Come to me and get
absolute satisfaction.
S. A. GIMRE
543 BOND STREET.
Opposite Fisher Bros.
Best kinds of logging shoes, ham
made, always on hand.
All kinds of SHOE REPAIRING
neatly and quickly done.
Read the Morning Astorian.
Hildebrand & Gor
Our clearing sale runs
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BARGAINS AT ANY TIME
467 Commercial Street.
PROFESSIONAL CARD).
ATTOKIflYS-AT-LAW
CHARLES H. ABERCB0MBH
Attorney-at-Law
City AUorneq
Offices, City Ball
JOHN C. McCUE,
Attoraey-At-Law.
Deputy DUtrlct Attorney.
Pag Building, Suite 4
HOWARD M. ttftOWNIU,
Attorny-At-Law.
eaaaBaa
Office with Mr. J. A. Eakin, at V. 4
Commercial St, Astoria.
DENTISTS.
Dr. VAUGHAN,
Dvvnsr
Pythian Building. Astoria, Oregon.
DR. W. G LOQAX
DENTIST
Commercial 6t SUnaaaa Bnitdiag
OSTEOPATHS.
BUSINESS DIREOTO&Y.
RESTAURANTS.
TOKIO RESTAURANT.
(31 Bond Street.
Opposite Ross, Blgglna & Co.
Coffee with Pie ot Cake to Cta, ,
FIRST-CLASS MEALS.
Regular Meals ij Cta. and Up.
LAUNDRIES.
rHOSJ PLEATED BOSOM SHUTS
The kind known by tlmejr man la Ue
tummer, are difficult articles to launder
sloaly. Unites you know Just bow to
so It, the front pleaU wont iron dowa
smooth, aad the shirt front will look
nuasr Our New Frees tamer boas
them without rolling or tretohlng. Try
W TfM I .nlln T.IL . - t N
Paeo Main 1991.
U. S. RESTAURANT.
434 Bond Street
MASSAGING.
Coffee with Pie or Cake 10 Cta,
First Class Meals is Cents,
HOTELS.
H. B. Parker,
Proprietor '
E. P. Parker,
Manager
PARKER HOUSE
EUROPEAN PLAN
, DR. RHODA C. KICKS
OSTEOPATH
Office Kanseb Bid. Phone Black IMk
(7t Commercial 8U Astoria, Ore.
BOUSE MOVERS.
FREDRICK SON BROS We make a
rpeeialty of house moving, carpenters,
eontractore, general jobbing: prompt at
tention to all orders. Corner Tenth and
Duaac
TRANSPORTATION.
PASSENGERS.
FREIGHT
The K" Line
nw 7?- VjTit' T?ip5 "''1
Steamer - Lurline
Night Boat for Portland and
Way Landings.
Leares Astoria daily except Sunday at
7 p.m.
Fint-claaa In Every Respect Free
Coach to the House. Bar and Billiard
Room. Good Check Restaurant Good
Sample Rooms on the Grand Floor for
Commercial Men.
ASTORIA, OREGON.
NORTHERN HOTEL
Astoria's Newest and Best Hotel
Eleventh and Duaae Streets.
Rooms, Single or en Suite, Steam
Heated, Baths, Running Water in Every
Room.
Rates, Wo to HJOj Spaclal'by Week
Phone Main 3911.
MRS. J. COLLINS, Menage
HOTEL PORTLAND
Finest Hotel in the Northwest
PORTLAND, ORE.
European Plan Only.
H. C. BOWERS, Manager.
MESSENGER SERVICE.
Hasty Messenger Co.
433 Commercial St.
Leans Portland Daily except Sunday
at 7 a. m.
Quick Service Excellent Meah
v Good Bertha.
Landing Astoria Flavel Wharf.
Landing Portland Foot Tayler St
O. B. BLESSING, Arent
Phone Main j6t.
CANADIAN PACIF.IC
EMPRESS" Lino of the Atlantic
The Empresses sail from Quebec
to Liverpool: two days on the maies-
tic St. Lawrence and less than four
das at sea; fast and luxurious. Write
for summer sailing lists, rates and in
formation. James Finlayson, Agent,
Astoria, Or.
F. I. DUNBAR
307 Astoria Savings Bank Building,
INVESTMENTS
Loans, Bonds, County and City
Warrants. Agent State Land
, Board for Investment Funds
Insurance
Resident Agent Globe & Rutgers'
Fire Insurance Co., of New York.
NIGHT OR DAY SERVICE.
Phone Mala 3721.
BOAT BUILDER.
T, U Driscoir
i
Boatbuilding and Hepar
ins' a Specialty.
22 nd t ad Exchange street.
j
MEDICAL.
Unprecedented
Suoceisea of
iCJEEi
THE GREAT
CHINESE DOCTOR
fV Who ' is known
i.csvr. -tnroutfiiont the united
States on account of
1
h 1 mi
teKMa wonderful sum
No poisons or drugs used. He guaran
tees to euro catarrh, asthma, lung and
throat trouble, rheumatism, nervousness,
stomach, liver and kidney, female com
plaints and all ohronio diseases. '"T "
SUCCESSFUL HOME TREATMENT.
If you cannot call write for symptom
blank and circular, inolosing 4 oenta is
stamps.
THE C. GEE W0 MEDICINE CO.
1021 First St., Corner Morrison,
PORTLAND, OREGON.
Please mention tha Astorian.
hillM'a,aatBSseae''4f
Massaging
N ALL ITS BRANCHES j WARM
baths if necessary thorough oompe
teney la assured.
MRS. M. HEYN0,
87 W. Bond Stmt. Astoria.
mm
Fs
Market
77 Ninth St., near Uotul
Fresh and Salted Fish.
Game and Poultry,
Groceries, Produce and Fruit
Imported and Domestic
Goods.
P. Bakotitch & Feo, Proprs.
Phone Red 2183
UNDERTAKERS.
J. A. GILltAUCill & CO.,
Undertaker and Emlinliiiero.
Experienced I.ndy AMNlstmit
When DfiNlreri.
CallH Promptly Attended Day
or Night.
Tatton Ildar. 12th and DuaneSta
A8TOIUA. OIIE.UON
Phono Alain 2111
MONTGOMERY
PLUMBERS.
J.
PLUMBER
Heating Contractor, Tinner
r
AND
Sheet Iron Worker
ALL WORK GUARANTEED
4S Bond Street.
Eagle Concert Hall
(320 Aetor St)
Rooms for rent bv tha da v. weak, aa
month. Best, rates in town.
P- A. PETERSO.-'. Pre.
v0Md,, 'eo years'
VVT EXPERIENCE
. :.v m. '
. V , I RACK MAHKS1
'rf1, Common tc.
AflTonn snalng a Utrh mid doiorliitlnn mT
qiilnklr Moortiilii our nplulon Irut wUlliur nil
'nranllrm I. urnhnhlr titiLniii tiin. rviti,m,,..i.
llmiMirlctlirooiiiidmitfiil. HANDBOOK on I'mmita
oiit froo, OMfwt aunnor for nooiiniiK nntoiit,
I(itnti i taken tfiruli Mn mi ft Co. ruuutrf
nyrMi wbKi, vriMMHib vnnrua, in 1110
V" ""V9vwt "'"fun yi ill rug, m U j,
ScetttiHc Emttkm:
A feMilfninlr lllnwtnKMf wwhlf, Tdinrmit fH
dl ALIOtt nf mtlV flnlnritllli InnrnatL niitm ma
Branch Offlce. t T Wnibliimon. D.C,
l