j
SUNDAY, MARCH . 1M7.
THE MORNING ASTOMAN. ASTORIA, OREGON.
M.CIam
Interviews
Astasia 5
in 191
M.Roosevelt
,QOG
(Copyright, 1900, by I. 8. Clin..)
(M. Clitm, tliu renowned I'urlalun
Journalist, In Invited to cull nt tho
Whllfl Ilnumt, unil H la wllli aatonlNli.
tneiit tlmt lio writes to Vmum of 'nix
Interview wllli M. Uimm-vcli,)
WAKHINOTON, U, H March 2.-
1 ahull now tell to I lie people of
France mm h tlmt I can not understand
f thut trmrvoloiia M. Ilooaevolt, Pres.
blent of the t'nlted Htalea,
A few daya before, 1 flirt receive otm
command to attend the reception of
M, rtiiiim-vill wi thnt White House.
KiiKnily I iirnfiiiroil for It, With thoiia.
ands of ComrriNMimtn, lobby lata, mil
olbw groat Americana, ! preaautod
my i iinl mnl wa placed In on.i long
II mi. My hnrt did leap when I did aen
lloom vi'lt shaking thoae hnrtilH, poking
tlio lib of thoo great nimi and smil
ing with nil hl teeth.
Boon I utourt ( before him, Turning
from una senator, M. Rooanvtdt did
mm tti. Haoie! Th. hair of inn did
mini upwind when thoc eyes did
strike inn) Alao 1 had dlaturbnm-e
when M. Rooaevelt did kive mo ono
complete smile.
anld; "Ilii! Ha! How ar.t you,
M. Clam! (,'diiiii to xcr inn! ( will talk
with ynu' I to ready! Ar.. you a good
IniHlmiid nnd father? Ai you worth
your imlt? liok out!"
TIiumq people behind me All
I'uwti me away. M, Hooaevclt did
rub another one by the hand and
any: "Ha! Po-llhtd to nod you
B.niuor! Your speech It waa the
corker!
For ono hour I did wander among
thna if r nnd Americans of ronowu.
Hum I did Congrtaamen from
mighty cltte; cattlemen who own rnll
Itona of acres of tho public land; sher.
Iff from the Texas atate; Ono bil
lionaire of th Aiaaka; M. Dooloy, of
(rhlrngo; colonel of those governor'
tsffa moit brilliantly uniformed; that
nw literary hero, M. tTrlah Clapaad
ll Hoggi. the author of that beat Ml
lor. "The Lynch of Lawrence L. Lan
caater," Alao many Intoxicating American
Mlea, with cnlffurea more dmillng
than thou Chrlatmaa treea. Almoat
I waa daa-d with greatness and beauty
when I did return to my pension.
Three duya afterwarda I did receive
thla polite note:
"My dear Clam: The Praaldent will
talk to you at the i:t Oo'rloek. Brace
youraelf, old man.
LORD."
I'rerlaely nt the 4:3 OoVlock I did
appear nt the executive nfllco. Thla la
one amnll building near that White
ltniimv To me It appears without the
dignity of m griind republlr, yet nil
Americana do tell me It la lh ahrewd
polltlca to Know altnpilflty. They any
It doea fool amtte of thomi voters. Vet
If all Americana did understand how
It doea fool them, how they are fooled?
Thla to me, In moat pc-rplexInK.
IIundliiK my, cant to the Negro
Amerlcnn attendant, I waa received
M. I.oeb, with ono embrncv, Ho anld:
"M. Itooaovelt will aoon be ready. Only
twomy-xlx vlaltora remain."
I did hoar thoao doora alum and the
RhuMIng of feet. In llvo mlnutea,
ono door opened, and M. Itooaovelt
did approach, "Welcome! M. Clam,
he anld," With warmth "no did em
brace mo. "Como, you!" Ho aald.
I did follow him to the private cab
inet. Inaldo one atenographer dll
atnnd, with book and pencil. "Excuae
me, you!" aald M. Itoosevolt to mo. I
did bow politely, yet M. Rooaevelt did
not aeo mo. He waa dictating to that
atenographer. He aald:
"Take thla, you! M, Sclplo Snod
grnaa, rroaldont Afi'o-Amerlcan
Rooaevelt league, Columbua, Ohio
State: My dear M. Snodgrosa: It la
Impoaalblo for mo to attond tho ban
quot prepnred for me. Tot, my heart
la with you. All men should bo good
and fathera, If they are worth the salt.
Alao, all men should pull tholr own
weight. In tho long run all comoa
Vlown to thla. We must treat all men
alike, or much more bo If poaalble.
Toura truly.' Alao take this telegram:
'Ills MaJosty Mutsuhlto, Tokyo: Eve
rything bully. California knuckles.
Thanks for war soare. Two big battle
alilps secured. Whon you want me to
threaten war, Juat command me. T.
r: i Also tWa telegmm: 'Wright,
American Ambassador, Tokyo: Jell
Mutsuhlto to lot up on war talk. We've
got ay we want. T. R.' Send for
Taft. Toll Shaw to come over In five
minutes. Tell Loob to have reporters
to como back at five. We'll have an
other sensation for thoao papers. Now
jtny dear Clam while I change my
clothes, let us have the quiet chat.
What do you think of those new dis
coveries In Jerusalem.
u
one
495 Commercial
M. Rooaevelt did whisk off thoao
clothos and reach for his riding Jack
et. I said: "To me, M. le President,
those discoveries, "
"Exactlyl Hal You, M. Clam, shall
see! Juwt wait till Taft comoa! Yet,
excuae nie, you!"
Soon M. Roosevelt disappeared
returning with those riding breeches!
Almost I thought of prestldlgatlon!
Alao M. Taft did appear.
"Ha! you, Bill!" said M. Roosevelt,
with the smile. "What did thoae Son
atora any? do you got tho appropria
tion?" M. Taft did reply: "I did try hard
if
"Walt!" said M. Roosevelt, with the
acowl. "Tell Senator Cullom to come
In!"
M. Cullom did appear, with a taunted
look. He did whisper to M, Rooseveut.
"Yea, Yes!" said M. Roosevelt, very
loudly. "Yet, this man Jones Is the
crook, I cannot give him that Job,
Senator. Yet, if you have one good
man for minister to Slam, I Bhall ap
point him. But we must have that
appropriation for Hawaii You prom
ise it? Bully 1" With smiles M.
Rooaevelt did grasp M. Cullom with
both 'nands and shove him outward.
"Where, Bill, is that message you
were to write?" asked M. Roaevelt.
M. Taft did hand over one paper, at
which M. Roosevelt made one glance.
Setting the pen, he said; "You do not
put the' ginger in, Bill! I shall add:
'You, Congress, forget that I am re
sponsible to those people. Fall to pass
this bill at your perill You are cow
No Oar Hi
REAL ESTATE, INVESTMENTS.
Street, Near 11th. Phone Red 2241.
ards! ' There! Now make copies for
thoao reporters, and toll them not
to say whore they got them. What
does that Third Term League say
now?"
M. Taft says: "They say you must
not refuse to be President more,"
"Bully! Here, you!" That sten
ographer jumped; Take this: "M.
Richard Hlgglna, President Roosevelt
Third Term League, Chicago: I shall
do something desperate if you Insist
upon making me candldae for Presi
dent again. I defy all you people In"
these United States to make me Pres
ident. Yours Trulyl There! That
will make the agitation greater.
These people will never be satisfied
until they do conquer me, if they think
I am defying them. Loeb! Loeb!"
M. Loeb appeared. "Loeb, get those j
gloves, and hold the watch. Mill, take
your corner!"
M. Roosevelt did don those boxing
gloves. M. Taft, with agitation did
also put on the gloves and stand ready.
"As I was saying to M. Clam," said
M. Roosevelt, Fits overlooked one
beautiful stroke in his fight with Jeff.
For example! Biff!"
"Biff!"
"Biff!" "Biff-blft!" '
M. Taft did throw up his hands. "I
got it," tie laid with faintness. "I see
the point."
M. Roosevelt said: "You now,
M. Clam, where FJtt mavle the blunder.
When Jeff made that left hoofc, Jttt
should have sidestepped and undercut. '
If he had done that history would now j
have been different In these United;
BUY
BffiT
M Wo
States. Oh, sometimes I wish, but
we can't all have our wish.. All men
cannot be champions of the world."
M. Roosevelt sighed with pensive
melancholy. Yet, soon he did cheer
upward again. "Is Elihu here?" he
asked.
Instantly M. Root appeared. "Ha,
yoiu!" cried. M. Roosevelt, smiling.
"What new scheme today, Elihu?"
M. Root did glance toward me much
as to say I was the stranger.
"Nevfcr mlnd never mind," said
M. Roosevelt. "You know all men
who do talk of their affairs, are liars.
Yet M. Clam he cannot write of the
affairs American, If he does not know
me. What's up, Elihu r
"One cablegram says Nicaragua and
Honduras wish to quarrel," replied
M. Root. "Yet, I ' think it does not
amount to much."
"You make that mistake! Tell Met
calf to send one battle ship to that
spot! Also, make the peace overtures.
Ask M. Dias to Join us in preserving
the peace, if we fight for it. Thus, we
shall have the credit for all. How El
ihu, can you be so stupid? Have you
prepared those demands upon the,
Sultan?"
"What demands?"
"Why Elihu! Didn't I tell you to
make the bellicose note to Turkey,
and to give it to those reporters when
I was not looking? If I did not, I meant
to. How can we keep up tne navy if
we do not keep it busy before Con
gress adjourns? Bah!"
"But M. le President I have great
business Interfering with the Congo!"
Compamiy
"Ah, yes, yes! Tell, me, have we
got well mixed up in that affair?"
"Yes, soon we shall have more news
for those reporters."
"Bully! You, Elihu are the brick.
Yet do not be too cautious. Stir up
those animals! The whole world Is
before you. Keep those ships moving.
Good-bye! Look here my dear Clam!"
Quickly I did look out of that win
dow. "Do you see that nest? Well, is
that the nest of one robin, or the scar
let breasted tanager? You do not
Today I did hear the note of that Ag
know? Bah! It is neither! Listen!
ricultulus Simpsonii, yet snow is on
the ground'.' What do you think of
that? Ha! You have astonishment!
You M. Clam are the corker. Write
down for me what! you think of our
American birds, also, our fishes. I
have delight to chat with one who has
studied deeply. Good-bye Bill! Keep
at those Senators till you get it You,
Elihu, must stir up those diplomats.
Ah, Cabot!"
With pleasure M. Roosevelt embraced
M. Cabot Lodge, who appeared with
riding breeches and coat M. Lodge
did bow to me politely.
"I was telling M. Clam my dear Ca
bot, that Franklin signed the treaty
with France in 1798 instead of 1797,"
said M. Roosevelt "Am I right r
"Why, certainly, M. le President,"
replied M. Lodge warmly. "You are
always right, especially after you have
talked it oTer with me flrat." .
"There!" exclaimed M. Roosevelt,
with delight. What did I tell you dear
Clam? Next time, will you presume
ASTORIA, OREGON J
to dispute my memory of history?
Never mind you need not apologize.
We all make mistakes. Cabot you!
How can we keep this Thaw case from
taking the limelight from us?"
"Well," replied M. Lodge, rubbing
the chin of him, "you know, Theodore,
that Congress will adjourn soon. We
have done very well I think."
"Never mind! I Bhall hit upon
something?" Come! Let us take the
ride."
"Oh, M. le President!" said M. Loeb.
"Do you forget those reporters? it is
the 5 o'clock, and they wait for the
Bensation!"
"Let me see! Tell them that or
ders have been given to send war ships
somewhere. Telephone to Metcalf to
look wise and say nothing. Those re
porters will do the rest. Come Cabot!
My dear Clam you have given me de
light. Come to see me, and we shall
chat some more of that ancient Gaelic
revival, also of the race suicide.
Presto! Alone I stood! With as
tonishment I found my way out of that
office executive. Was I dreaming?
I looked into that tree. Yes, there waa
that bird's nest. It was all true. Yet,
much as I think of those things more
am I perplexed that I offend M. Roose
velt with my ideas of those discoveries
in Jerusalem? What will he think of
me, if I make the mistakes In histo
ry? Is he angry with me when I cay
something about those birds?
Ahl Almoat I can understand now,
how many good men turn out to fro
liars when they go up against II.
Roosevelt CLAM.