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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 20, 1907)
SUNDAY, JANUARY 20, 1007.
THE MORNING A STOMA N, ASTORIA, OREGON.
M. CLAM GETS'!
(M. 'lain, dm renowned I'm IhImii
(lllt llllllttl, Will I'M Unit lu won it iiillllon
iIiiIIiiin In Willi Hlfin't, but iIIhiiiviiiii
I Iml In Urn Alii'M lean iiii'triinilH rlcliKN
Iwvh wIiikn )
NKW YullK, Jail. ID- In nil.- week
1 IlilVe IciI'MimI tnlli h linn . nf Id'' ful
led Hinii h, which I Mhiill toll to my
riiiiiil i yini'ii nt llii. I'iiiiiic. All M ex-
ite.il, Willi I imiix ili'Nlm to tin
I'll It quickly, I, Ion, IlilVit bi'rll ti'h
quickly, yet iiimIii I urn imnr quickly
nlMil, I l,. i,y In (r Week I have
llltM tin. mllliitiuli ', ')". I it y I inn fllfl'
ly imnr. In thcHi, I 'idle. 1 HIIN tli''
pllllll.'lll H III Imm IIHW i ll, Hil l It 1 Hit ,
I'rllllllll n,i, 1 1 !' )l 1 1 T 'if I Ml 'nli,lll
1 liitvc milviil wild rum-, yet Hull n(ir
liulf i i In Ii m illllli ull fur mil' Kh-iii li
iiiitn In milvr. Thon1' ,',ii, tniiki'
Itnltnl "IihI in 1,'N,
I tin- ,iiy iifli-r my dear f 1 1 - 1 M
John V ilulii illil Mill In in,' Ilium
lii.oiio liii'it of I In' i 'uiiiiuiiy1 linn
t'onnlil, (in I nil In my hotel mI.iIu
my i ll,., ol.iie, l.uiiKiililly I o,,k til
IIkii,' ll'-U n.,l 'IK l;ili,'' Willi I 'I'l
1 nee? I mi' i lui nf M. "In im. ii i y -
Hi'lf Willi iiKliitlli.it I lend 'Iioih
child k,,,. It,, a Cumlili lurl il
KtnMi' M It il i in Iti'.tl i'iiiiniiiiiiiIi'i l,y
John W liitln nit, I M I'litlll, Aki-IiI of
I'r.-tiili Hyii'tlrnti'! Hlmri'it Hhoot l'
wiirt'" l':irlii ll' I Krli. mm "ilnr
paper, ll my: 'Tunic of I'i imperil v!
Wnll Hlm'i Wrli iini, Frenchman with
ltriil M"ti''y!" 1 ni'ii 'inn other plctur
of tiiyxi'lf nlni M"it liliti! KiiK'Tly I
mitii niii other ncWHpupcr. Y". hr
ll I "M. IIuooi'VkIi In IttVi'HtliMti'
H'l.i ',.iili Irinr Tmm1" Clnl! Mittiy
oilier paper ImVn I'lrluri'H mil heal
I lTtrK iniml terrlfyliiK'
Whlli- 1 ri'it't tin-Hi, tliliiK". with my
ri'iii:ilii!ng liit Ir rlnliiK I" lit" f'ei, "tie
ini'NM.'liK'T come friilil ,M. Cluli'K wllli
till (,i!r :
".My I'-'ir f'tiuii i 'mil" nub kly to
llili'l building wllli Unit CoiMlrlrlor
mill Kit ytiur iiiIIIIihi. In IiiimIp,
Huiri'! Innliiiilly I nm In iinrllij
nn'iil. llnllliiK it (lucre, I ili'nvi' rapidly
to my friend. TIiiikc i li'Viilnrn do tint
frighten inc. I in tint my own fortune
ithnoi in tti.j hkyt" M iiuii'ii embraced
m.i wniinly. "gnli k!" he wild. "Tho.
I kivi' In him tlnnii' ll'll ttimiHiiii'l
nliiitin. I IH' Joling mini tnnk Illi'llt unit
run away M. linliM ronvii m-il Willi
tlii t ' 1 1 -1 ) i t -. In I vi' ttiliii!r Ihul
young iikiii return, d Hi' give In M.
iiiti'H it paper. M. (inIi'H Kiive It In
tin', mi,' itimiHitml thunderbolt"! II
w in Hi,, i hi rk fnr mil' mllllnn nf tlmm-
dollars! I rii'li'.l I KilW ti'll IllntlM.lll I
f.lce of M. liute lllUMl' dollar (III)
ilitiii ,' with li'itu nf Joy lu'fmi' my i''.'
nil ttiM blin k I nwooniiil! . . . . Yen,
yi'H, It witu nut mill ilrt'iim' Wln-n 1
itwnki. llmt i lii'i k will yrl In my Iminl.
M. iliid'H ii.tlil:
"Ymi, my ib ir rbim, Hliniibl iml Imvo
llln cxi llcilli'lit. II. ill! Wlntl In nni' mll
llnn? Thin, t' tn' H tlio liiiKitlilb'!
Whlb ynti mitki' nni', I nuiki' fnrty. Un
wllli thin yniitiK mini lo Un bunk nf
M. Mni'Kiill bi'fnri' tlllll i lli'l k ciillli'H (no
1it to work,"
Willi K'ntllinbi I I'inbrm'i'il my ib-nr
fiii'inl. Ho mil. I; "Hull! It In nnlli
Ihk!" TIiiiI ynunK inun ron.liK'tfl mo
tn tlin M, MniK" bunk. To tlm i'iihIi
Iit he milt!: "Till", Hilly, l mir dear
fibinl. M. ('linn, lb' will now iiihIi
VN (un rtii'ck."
Willi Kri'iit plenum-1 I write my nnine
on that cheek, Tlmt cliHhler cniinteil
the ilnlliirs with yellow Mini Kreen tmrkH
until he wiih tlreil, yet more wait mine!
What Hhmibl I ln? Where Hhoilbl I
jml It? Thin, to me, wiih the question
JllnHt HerloilM. Yel, lifter two llHJ'H IIIOIO
that tti'Hll(ili wiih Holveil fnr llle by
lliiiHe n iiie of New York.
Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound
is an honest, tried and true remedy of unquestionable therapeutio value.
This medicine made from native roots and herbs contains no narcotics,
or other harmful drugs and today holds the record for the largostnumber
of actual cures of female diseases of any medicine the world has ever
known, and thousands of voluntary testimonials are on file In the
laboratory at Lynn, Mass., which testify to its wonderful value.
Mrs. C. E. B'lnk, of Carnegie, Pa., writes: Dear Mrs. Pinkliam: "I
wish every suffering woman would take Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound and write to you for advice. It has done me a world of good
and what It has accomplished for me I know It will do for others.'
When women are troubled with Irregularities, Displacements, Ulcer
ation, Inflammation, Backache, Nervous Prostration, they should re
member there is one tried and true remedy, Lydia E. Pinkham's Vege
Mm. Pinkham's Standing Invitation to Women
Women suffering from any form of female weakness are Invited to
write Mrs. Pinkhara, at l-ynn,
perience she probably has the very
I miiIiI to (hut yniniK inun: "Ymi,
my flleiii), hIiiiII not bo fnr(fntl.',il. ThlK,
thi'ii, In for you!" I gnvu lo lilm no
.n per wllli yellow buck, whether Utile
r iiimli I ilo not enru. TiikliiK two
lollH ii h litiKn UN my hut, I leave the
rent with ilm M. Moik'ui bank,
(mlnliln Dial y i 1 1 1 1 h man calleil to nne
hIiiiiiki'I'. "TIiIn," milt M. (IiiIuh' yotii,K
man, "M M. 1 1 u iiRi t mi.ii, Hint tax cn
li'i'lnr. All thoHii Hwnllen foihiniH
intlNl jiay the lax, ll In the lit w nf M
Wlntl llo I cure for III" IllX If Hie
fottuno piiyn It? "Ah, very well!" I
Hiiiil. "Ilnw much?"
Tli. 1 1 HiruiiKcr mill li'ii"l to lilmmlf,
"Yon ini'1 inn, U Union throe, rich mini
I'lini muii, hi'KK.n man, thief," uii'l then
lio mi hi: "You, M. t'lam, hIiiiII pit y
mi,. lboll"aii, ilnllaiN. It U Hie law."
I unlit: "Very well!" CoimlliiK Ion
of one liuii'tioil ilollam, I wave them to
,M HuilKoiitnii. lie WaH Undo nillo,
Iml In Kieal IiuhIo lo eolool olln r lax
if, llll'l I rl t I not nee him llinro.
M. liatoH' ynuiiK man lalkoil wllli Iwn
liinio ynliiiK moll who ajuii na. In-il.
"Yoi," he jtM, "lltln In ,M. ('lain,"
"Ah, M, i 'lain," Hulil one, "will you
kliiilly Hli i itnwil In Hie Jail? V"l Irivo
not .adl the jm!! lux."
Willi Vlnlinin I protoit iiKalllHt U)e
IihIIkiiH y. I ltd humiliation of the J ill.
"I ilo not know the poll tax!" I crloil.
"I'o nm the klit'liienn lo permit me to
pay It now!"
Willi Itonllallon Uinne younic men no
iopti-,1 of me tho flvi. hunilreil itollutn
fnr poll tn. "It In nKiilnnt the Ihw,"
Hal. I olio. "!io no! toll IIiIh In any per
Him. We ilo thin favor beeuUHe you
a ie Hie frleml of M. Oilten."
I piuiiiIho to reinalii Hld nt, unit they
left me w-llli Kreat pnllloiio-in. M.
liati'M' yotiiiK iniin nadl: "I.ot un now
hurry In the lunch!"
I lepiloi "Very well! Yet do not
Inlnnlijee mo more. I nliiil) prefer to
How foullnh to think I nhoudl re
main unknown! All thono people did
know me. Oil all nlden they did upeiik
In me politely. Many (tentlomen did
iiihIi up to fhukc my hand itlld einliraio
me. Thono ropnrlorn followe l me, unk
li.K many iiieH(onn nn I hurried. "IHd
ymi nee l'lorponl MnrKan? Are you
murrleil? What do you think of llar
ilniiut? Are thone Uolhnchlldn buylnK
Amalif imute 1? What do you think of
Now York? Io you drink whlnkcy or
ntlok to iilHlnthe? Why dn you wear
checked tmiiHern? In Itoa foimtrlotnr
Hie Komi buy ? In It true that you bet
on,' million with John W. Hint It would
Hltnw liefore mnriiltiK? How old are
you? Are you wrltliiK the bonk? Are
ymi K"lnK to nee Turn I.uwnon? Why
do you advni'ule trial inarilaKO? Have
olio oiKar? When Ih Henutor Piatt ko
liiK lo ii-hIku" 1o you ib-ny that ymi
nr.! I'liK-iiKi-d lo Mid'. Mlllan IIuhhoII?
What do ymi think of America? What
will be your next lecture? Why did
you chaiiKe your name?"
Ton UmuHund devlln! I run iiubk
ly tn encape. Some of thimo quentloiin
did HllllK me to reply. They were
Kran.l Iom! Y'et I dure not ntop. Al
ready I nnw thone kndukR KatherliiK!
Willi hiinto I run with M. Oaten' young
limn to one reHtuarant. There I take
the private room rind turn the key.
AlmoHt It wan too lute, Thone report
em looked through the wlndown.
M. OateH' younjr man unld: "Let Uit
cull up M, Van Hlbher, the prenn iiRent
for M. tJaton. He In olle Rood fellow
for Hie lunch."
I replied: "Ah, that In the (jond
ihlntr. M Vim Rlhber nhull tell me of
tho preiiM iiKontK, I munt employ one
In live mlnuten M. Van lllbber ap
peared. Willi him wan my friend M.
HEALTH OF WOMEN
In UiU nineteenth century to keep
up with tho march of progress every
power of woman Is strained to its
utmost, and tho tax upon her physi
cal systeni is far preater than ever.
In the jjood old-fashioned days of
our grandmothers few drups were
used in medicines. They relied upon
roots and herbs to cure weaknesses
and disease, and their knowledge of
roots and herbs was far greater
than that of women today.
It was in this study of roots and
herbs that Lydia K. Pinkhara, of
Lynn, Mass., discovered and gave
to tho women of the world a remedy
more potent and eflicucious than
any combiuation of drugs.
mass, uusui ner mii ex
knowledge that will fietp your
Remember we have no old goods
Bright New Merchandise
. C. JUDD, Proprietor. 684 Commercial St. Between
(irlpixTtniin, that kiiiiiiI financier of
many ciiiiipanh'H nml iiyndliatej". I
wiih ilillKhttil! With warmth 1 m
M.lirliipennnn piU.1: "He cheerful.
Clam! I bring tho K'huI ni'W8. You
have Im'wi rhow-n the director of the
1'iilvi'inal Hiickctnhoi .Securities Cor
IMir.it Ion. the Metropolitan Straphang
er Syndicate, the WI'Iowh' and Orphans
Trimt Company, anil the Consolidated
HelKliin Hiiro Promotion nnd Develop
ment ConceHHlon! Buslne-id before
pleasure, my dear colleague! Sign
this lu-knowledgment of your election,
my dear Clam, und then to lunch!"
With thanks I signed acknowledge
ment of these new honors. Then I
"You, my dear friends, nre acquaint
ed with the business, but I nm more
familiar with the cuisine. Let me, I
pray you, order tho lunch!"
I conversed with the gareon, who
was one Frenchman. The ccVok, too,
was one countryman of myself. Well!
To the Kircon I give one yellow hack
ed paper nnd to the chef I send one
more. Instant ly the establishment be
gan lo prepare my orders. I studied
my guests with care nnd wrung my
brain for the happy I leas. Good for
tune followed m'. I was able to de
vise one lunch most exquisite of pro
portion, thrice delightful to my friends.
They were astonished, amazed, stunn
ed! In New York, I think, never was
one lunch before like this. The pro
prietor wept with Joy and embraced
nu when be perceived the skill with
which I contrived this feast. The gr
con was speechless. The chef was
purple with Importance and delight.
"Morbleu!" he said, "Here, at the last,
Is one son of the France! Ten thousand
thunderbolts! What a soup! What a
gravy! And tho sequence! What a ge
nius! My God, what n happy day for
For myself, I was happy to see my
guests half crazed with delight! Be
fore we leave I have engaged M. Gates
young man, M. Smoothy, to be my press
agent. At his kind suggestion I give
him plenty of dollars with which to en
tertain those reporters. Also, during
tho lunch M. Van Bibber did tell me
how to make additional millions by
purchasing stock In that I.ittlo Stan
dard Oil Company. I did so with
pleasure, paying to him fifty thousand
of dollars. M. Grlpperman, also, vlid
consent to give me shares in many of
his grand syndicates.
After paying those tips and assist
ing the excellent proprietor of that
restuarant to lift ono heavy mortgage
To see is to belhve and we do not wish you to believe us until
we have shown you.
These low prices will not last much longer, you had ) : : er me
early and get your share.
THREE GREAT SPECIALS THIS WEEK
A few broken lots of fine suits $2"XH),
$27.oO and JWOOO values
These are the finest we have in the
house. You should not overlook a good
One lot of $15.00 Suits in All Wool
it was necessary to return to the Mor
gan bank for more money. This time
I took three large rolls, anJ darted In
to one fiacre to escape those reporters.
"Talk with M. Smoothy!" I cried to
them as I disappeared to my hotel. M.
Smoothy conducted those reporters to
one saloon and did tell them many
things of myself which I did not know
At my hotel the fame of me had ar
rived. Those clerks were most polite.
They Insisted that I should occupy that
grand bridal chamber. It was made
of almost solid gold. Those bellboys
did run back and forth with telegrams
to me from M. Grlpperman, M. Van
Bibber, and M. Smoothy. I sent to M.
Grlpperman the fifty thousand dollars
to be deposited as security for good be
havior as director of those syndicates,
according to the law of M. Roosevelt.
Many persons sent carJs to me.
Some of them I detected to be scound
rels and swindlers. Others I did not
detect at that time, but after they got
much money I detected them. They did
sell to me automobiles, clothing, min
ing shares, apartment houses, tunnels,
theatrical companies everything! Y'et
was much tired of such business, and
refused to become more rich as they
told me. I longed for the refreshment.
M. Van Bibber did dine with me that
night, and we went to the theatre.
Those speculators took much of my
money, yet I had enough remaining for
: many ushers, porters, drivers, bellboys,
' clerks, and waiters. After supper we
j walked upon the Broadway, so brilli
ant, so animated with beautiful wom
en! All of those women did know me!
I I had supiise, yet pleasure. One beau
! t if ul brunette did smile to me, and ask
I ed me to step In that doorway out of
that horrid wind. With pleasure I ex
cused myself to M. Van Bibber, who
looked with eagerness into those shop
windows. In tho doorway the lady
burst Into tears telling me of many
troubles with the brutal man who pur
sued her for alimony. With pleasure
I gave to her one hundred of dollars.
She was happy Instantly, and Impul
sively embraced me.... and my yellow
backed dollars, I think. They were
gone when we arrived at my hotel.
M. Van Bibber did kindly tl pthe ele
vator man, who then consented to take
me to that bridal chamber.
Those newspapers on the next morn
ing did frighten me. My picture was
everywhere, with the interviews on all
subjects. More reporters did send
cards to me for denial of these Inter
views. M. Smoothy appeared. I did
give him the check upon the M. Mor
gan bank for fifty thousand of dollars.
are or not drop in as
to sell you. We
at the very lowest
He returned in one hour with terrible
distress. His pocket had been robbed!
Ah, what a city of thieves! His heart
was broken, yet I told him to have cour
age. Soon he recovered his spirits and j
we went again to the bank. I took out
all that was left. To M. Smoothy I.
gave one-half for safekeeping and the
other half I pinned inside of my waist
coat. We looked at that ticking machine
to see how those millions were to come
to me. Languidly I read many things.
Dlable! What is it I see? "M. Grlp
perman, Wall, street operator disap
pears! All companies financed by him
forced to the wall! Warrant out for
arrest of M. Clam, who Is supposed to
have some money left. Wall street
determined to get it!"
One stranger politely tapped my
shoulder. I shudder! It is the arrest!
Y'es, I am not mistaken. I read that
warrant. It says; "M. Clam shall pay
all those debts of companies, syndi
cates, and corporations of which he is
director, If he Is able. If he is not ab
le, he shall disgorge all money he has
or go to the Sing Sing for eternel life.
This is the law of Wall street." j
instantly I turn to M. Smoothy but
he Is not there! He is gone! I rush
to the telephone for M. Van Bibber,
but there is no Van Bibber, all people
say! That stranger says: "Very well,
let us catch the boat to Sing Sing!"
Desperately I tear open my waistcoat
and tell him to help himself. After
After taking that roll the stranger looks
' into my mouth and pinches my shoes
for more. There Is no more! At the
last, I am not one millionaire! With
J politeness that stranger bows and turns
the corner. I return to my hotel.
Those clerks do not know me! I go
to that gold chamber, but It is locked!
I search, but my baggage Is not any
where! That hotel detective scowls at
me and says: "Sklddoo!" I think this
means something very bad.
Instantly I walk to Wall street to
find my friends. I cannot find that
Babel building! Those policemen will
not reply to my question.
Those elevated railroads run over
me, those automobiles ineaiiy kill me
several times. Once I almost fall to
death In the deep hole In the earth.
All people do not know me! What
should I do? Where should I go? That
Is the question.
In despair I search my pocketa seo
cretly, when no New Yorker is looking.
Ten thousand thunders! I find one
yellow-backed paper, crumpled in one
corner! It was one hundred Of dollars!
Those people of New York were the,
fools, after all! they "did" 'not '" get it
soon as a
The fine Scotch Tweed Rain Proof
coat, especially adapted to this climate.
For special inducement this week we
offer the $25.00 value $18.00, $22.00
value $16.00, $20.90 value $14.25.
All other Overcoats reduced 20 per cent
are selling only
15th and 16th.
all! This was to me the grand come
dy, and I laugh completely. Instant
ly I place that money in my pocket,
clasped in my hand. No one shall
know it! I write this to my country
men in one little restuarant, after mak
ing the bargain with that proprietor.
Then I shall leave New York, if I am
not detected to have money. I shall
not remain one night more in this city.
Those people may discover too much.
To my countrymen I say au revolr. I
shall write to them from one other
place, where those millions are not so
quick to come and go. CLAM.
ALL THE WORLD
is a stage and Ballard's Snow Lini
ment plays a most prominent part K
has no superior for Rheumatism, stiff
joints, cuts, sprains, and all pains. Buy
it, try it, and you will always use M.
Anybody who has used Ballard's Snow
Liniment is a living proof of what it
does. Buy a trial bottle. 25c, 50c and
51.00. Hart's drug store.
HOW TO CURE CHILBLAINS.
"To enjoy freedom from chilblains,"
writes John Kemp, East Otisfleld, Me.,
"I apply Bucklen's Arnica Salve. Have
also used it for salt rheum with ex
cellent results." Guaranteed to cure
fever sores, Indolent ulcers, piles,
burns, wounds, frost bites and skin
diseases. 25c at Chas. Rogers' drug
SONS Of HERMANN
FOARD a STOKES HALL