TUT? TurTr. THE MOKXIXR ASTORIA N. ASTOKIA, OHKGON. Mr. Bowser's Dairu Farm Philosopher Figures Out That There Is a Fortune In Keeping Cow. WIFE VETOES HIS PLAN She Te!l of a Lot of Expense That Her Lord and Master Has Over looked In Estimate. (Copyright. lf. by E. C. Fareells. HArrEMNG to look out of the window tlio other day an hour before Mr. Bowser's time for coming home, Mrs. Bowser caught sight of him and a strange man walking up and down aa If viewing the bouse. When they bud finished with the front they went around to the alley, and it was almost an hour before the man went away and Mr. Bowser entered the house. "Well, is it another eowf he was asked. "My dear Mrs. Bowser," he replied, la a paternal way and with a broad mile on his face, "I have some new to delight you. Tomorrow I expect to complete negotiations for the exchange of this house for a farm. You know I have been hoping to make an exchange for the last five years." "We will talk it over," said Mrs. Bowser, as she motioned him to a chair. "Yes, we will talk It over, but you can't possibly find any fault I have got facts and figures right down pat to prove to you that it will be the best deal of our Jives." "What sort of a farm is it?" Wanted a Dairy Farm. "A dairy farm, my dear. I have given up the idea of chickens. It Is a dairy farm of eighty acres, and we hall exchange even up. The man la j- I SHALL PUT IT TP IN FA.VCT CAKES. so anxious to get into the city to edu cate his daughter that he will make most any s;icrifii. Now listen to me. I start in the dairy business with thirty cows. The milk can be estimat ed at S'X) quarts per day. If sold at 5 cents a q-r.rt to the c:x'..uK-ry t litre I 15 a day, or 5105 per week. All we have to do Is to deliver the milk and take a check. 1 shall sell only half the milk, however. The remainder will be made into butter. I shall put it up in fancy cakes ;;nd call it 'Bowser's Best.' The sales will amount to about S3 per day, and on the sour milk aud whey I shall fatten about fifty higs during the year. When these are marketed the total income per week for the year will be about 13. We will call It $7,000 per year. We live well, have the bene fit of the country air and make $7,000 per year, cud if you have got any fault to find with that you must be hard to please. .Such a bargain as this man is willing to ;.'ive me can't be picked up once in a hundred years. What do you' think of it?" "You start with thirty cows?" queried Mrs. Bowser. "From thirty to thirty-five." "They are on the farm and part of the bargain, are they?" "Why, no. I must buy them." "Oh, I see. Has the farm a barn for cows?" "I-I don't think bo, hut I can build one." Mr. Bonier Mukc-a Eatlniatea. "Of course. Let us see. Thirty good cows will cost you $1,200. To build a dairy barn will cost you at least $800 more. There is $2,000 to start with Had you figured on that?" Mr. Bowser swallowed away at his Adam's apple and began to turn pale. "To run a dairy of thirty cows you Will have to hnve two men. Tbey must Bulk, feed, drive the milk to the cream ery, etc. You can figure on $50 per month as wages, aud, of course, you must board them. You must add $000 to the $2,000 In the first year" ex penses. Has the farm got at least thirty acres of good grass land?" "I I didn't ask about that but of course It has." "Well, If it has you are all right for the summer. What about the winter? Those cows must be fed from Novem ber to May. Each one will consume from two to three tons of hay. What about sixty or seventy tons of hay and the soft feed in addition?" "Woman, what are you trying to get at?" shouted Mr. Bowser, ag he pound ed on the table with his list. "The actual state of affair" b re plied. "There will lie at least one month out of twelve when half your cows will be farrow or nursing their calves. Have yon figured out that Ion of inllkr "But the calves alomt will net me a thousand dollar a year." What It Would lllm. "Theu you are greater than the beef trtift. If every one of your thirty cows had a calf, the thirty calves might bring you $200, but no more. Iu figuring on the expenses of the first year we will say that your hay and soft feed cost you $1,700. That Is a very close estimate. You must buy a team of horses, wagou, milk cans, palls, churns, etc. You mint allow at least $500 for these things." "Xot on your life! Not If I know how to cipher! Why, you must take me for the biggest fool In the state!" j "You can submit my figures to any one you will. You have estimated your Income altogether too high. The cows will give much less milk In the winter. Some of them may le alllug or die. The price of hay may go up. Instead of $123 per week, yon should figure on $73. Out of this, even after you get started, must eotue the expenses of feed, help and the keep of your team. You will have to turn In aud work yourself, and If there Is any 'Bowser's Best' butter made you will have to al low me au extra girl In the bouse. Don't bob around on your chair now, but figure as a business man." Figures Enconrav Itowsvr. "Don't tell me that I am bobbing around!" shouted Mr. Bowser, so loud ly that he was heard In the next house. "One wonld think you were talking to an infant. I say you are wrong from beginning to end. I tell you there's at least $3,000 a year clean profit In this thing for me, but of course you want to knock It in the head If you can. By thunder, ivhat a Jackass I am ever to alt dowt and talk to you about business." "I dou'i think yon have lost anything by It," quietly replied Mrs. Bowser. "However, If you think I am wrong, please show n:e where, fan you buy cows for less thau $10 apiece? Haven't you got to have-a barn? Haven't you got tc !,.;' ' .'p? Haven't you got to have t. V Toll me where my tigurea are too high." "What"? the use? You don't waut to be convinced, and v" won't lie. I am offered the opportunity of my life, and you stand In the way ami try to make me out an Idiot." "ion are hardly fair with me, Mr. Bowser. If you will show me where I am wrong In my figures I'll cheerfully start a dairy farm with you." "I'll bring you figures from a man who has run a dairy farm himself and made $10,000 a year at It. I'll even bring the man himself." A minute later Mr. Bowser was out of the house and on his way to the family butcher's. He had often heard that the butcher was formerly a dairy farmer, aud that his sole object In sell ing out and moving Into town was to educate his son In telling the difference between a knockkneed horse and a comic opera. He found the butcher smoking his pipe and meditating, and he began: "Mr. Bones, didn't you used to run a dairy farm somewhere';" "I think so," was the cautious an swer. "And you made $10,000 a year?" "I have been charged with so doing." "Well, now, knowing me as you do, what would you advise In my case? I can trade my bouse and lot for a dairy farm." "How many acres?" "Eighty." "How many cows?" "As many as I want to buy. I thought of starting with thirty." "How's the cow barn?" "There isn't any." "What's your experience?" "Haven't bud any." liutrlier I)Ucoaraii- Flan. "Mr. Bowser," said the butcher, as he rose up and got behind the meat block, "go into the business of raising jackasses. You have hail experience and can't help tut make a success." There would have been a row had not a couple of women customers come In. Mr. Bowser was forced to post pone the bloodletting to another time, and he went out and wandered up and down the street with bent head and back humped up. His dairy had soured on him. His "Bowser's Best" would never be on the market. He would never rub the backs of cows or fondle their calves. And men and women who took notice of hire whispered to each other: "Say, that's Bowser, that is, and Mrs. Bowser's got the better of him again." M. QUAD. SOLOMON HAMBURGER. Largait 0Ur in Cigars Diet at Hit Chicago Resldsnot. CHIC-ACIO, Nov, J.-Jtolomon limn burger died unexpectedly yesterday of heart failure, following an operation, Mr. Hamburger was one of the best known men In the clgur and tobacco business In the country. A mouth a no Mr. Hamburger and his family re turned from a trip around the world Mr, Hamburger was a member of the Standard ana Illinois Athletic clubs, lie took an active Interest In philanthropic work, He was horn In Bavaria In 1S57. CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING. In Tim of Peace. In the tlrst months of the Bula Japan war wo had a striking example of the necessity for preparation and the early advantage of those who, so to speak, "have shingled their r-"fi !n dry weather." The virtue of prep na tion has made history and given to u our greatest men. The Individual as well aa the nation should be pre pared for any emergency. Are you prepared to sueeesfully combat the first cold you take? A cold can be treated much more quickly "hen treated as soon as It has been eon traded and before It has become set tied In the system. Chamberlain's Cough Remedy U famous for lt cares of colds and It should be kept at hand ready for Instant use. For sale by Frank Hart, Leaning Druggist. HELP WANTED. WANTICn KNKUilKTIC. TtU'tfT worthy mull or woman to work In Oregon, representing hii'K manufac turing company. Hahtry 150 to M pee month. jwlt we-Mr Unpenned advanced. J. II, Moore, Astoria. One. 11-11-H WAXTKO MAN'!i:il I'OllURANtil lhVc we InI to hmilc heir III An- torla. Address, reference, I be Mor ris Wholesale Home. l'lm-nti,in. o. II II If WANTED -SAI.KSM l.'.V. MANY MARK $100 to $IW per mouth. .Some even more. Stock clean; grown ou ucer- witiou, fur from old orchard. tali advanced weekly, ivies of territory Address Washington N'umerjf Company. TVfiHMi:h. Washington." 9 W tf PROFESSIONAL CARDi. ATTORNEYS AT LAW. CHAS. II. ABKRCK0MS1X, Attornjr-l-Lw. General IWItlonsr, NoUrjr Pubile. Rooms SH St-l'liont Matu WS1 l'g Block, Cor. Coromemlal A 18th St. 0TIOrATHfT. DR. R HOD A C, HICU OSTEOPATH Omc Mni. Itlrl. Phone H '" TI Commwlu Ht, Astoria, Of (Vtmawnnllii Monday, May t4 STEAMER TELEGRAPH Portland, AstorU 1.4 W.y Vl- V J - " I TIMK (ltl DENTIST. UlKt.S WANTMO I'olt ol'fUi work between the "h',v "f I" an IU ve.ir-i, Adders K JO, Aatofhiu of (lee. 11-10-t WANTED -- ldti:SSMAKl:K8 Al' reutlee. Call 133 Commercial .1! I'p stairs. Il-U-Jt FOR RENT. FOR RENTSTORE ItlTLDINO AT AWerbrook, with ahalviag, counter, Un. tc. wreroom and tarn, Ooml living room up tairt, fine opportunity for rijjht party. Rent, f23 per month Inquire at 100 ISth ft. lO lltf And now the hamrmvk act end and the parlor work begins. o Croup. A reliable medicine and one that should always be kept In the home for Immediate u.ie Is Chamberlain's Cough Remedy. It will prevent the attack If i FOR. RKXT-TKN-ItOOM IIOfSB AT given as soon aa the child become' No. 153 Saornl Avenue. Apply to hoarse, or even after the croupy cough ! Victor Alrola. U-4-tf appears. For sale by Frank Hart, Del , , Leading Druggtat J For itKNT - TWo UooMS MCKI.V furnlilied, over A. . .'b r. n grocery SUNDAY TRAVEL TO PORTLAND more. Il-fi tf Increase and $2.50 Round Trip Rata via A. & C. R. R. i Popular. Travel from thii city to Portland On Sunday at the low round trip rat"' of 2.;0 l.i on the :!:. !!:!! nod nmoy enjoy that day In the metropolis: each week. This rate will be continued throughout the winter and the volume of travel toward Portland every Sun day would Indicate that the public appreciates It. U-S-tf NN'IXY FlitNtSUKO lip'NT Romm for r.-nt with tire, $:' p.-r m-t Apply ;; 9th St. li-it tf LOST AND FOUND. The Greeks developed what we rec ognize today a the Ideal head, yet If we were to wear our topknots done after the style of Venus lie Mllo, w would be considered decidedly dowdy. Occaelona' vf one ha t the fortune to met women who are Ideal In looks and figure. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred you will find che taken Holllster's Rwky Mountain Tea. Ten or Tablets. 3; r-jnts. For sale by Frank Mart. t.OST-A WATCH FOR WITH i!I.I buckle, opal stoiu- la center, Re turn to Astnrlnn office and receive re ward, u-it-at PROPOSALS. LA'INDRIES. An Invariable Role. Mr. Giblets (in market, Biinpltiously) Did you kill this chicken or did !t file? Mr. Potts 'positively,-When I kill a chicken it inwarhiblv dirs, :-ir. HIkM I.. Parishioner la bonds, Mr. Tin:! rastor Only Dm rent. A liter, "In she so v:'y "Oh, very. Vl. rUen she wan oi.i '"''I 'V"i :c,cculat r. I'c- v ry ';.;;!!! A .1!' isioc;, , He had n t':u In -or;. ; Each P-Kcoa ei:n n And at the r i din-; of f.!; - ninrre The class (; I up u tiol "We can't rc-mr inL-.r un' thbig," They cried. ' Von nre N. O.'" "Tut, tut," s-.i!d he, "I'm very sure. That you'll remember n;e." BUTTON HOLE AT THE BACK. Vour experience with it has no douhl lead to much vexation, possibly pro fanity. Droke your fingernail trying ti pry it up from the neck band, t-W You won't have that Unit experience H you senil your shirts to u-; we save you this trouble, and danger of tearing tlu shirt. Try tm and see, TROY LAUNDRY, Tenth and Duano Sts. Phone iggt JAPANESE GOODS. INEXPENSIVE JAPANESE FIXINGS, MADE OF BAM BOO, LIGHT, STRONG, HAND MADE, TABLES, STANDS, CHAIRS WHAT-NOTS, BOOKCASES, SHELV ING, ETC. Yokohama Bazaar 825 Commercial fit.. Astoria. WOOD YARDS. WOOD Cord wood, mill wood, box wood, uny kind of wood 1 1 lowest prices. Kelly, the transfer man. 'Phone aiqi Main, Barn on Twelfth, opposite oien house. IMMIIlHESiorlSlB NO MATTER WIIKHE LOCATED Properties and BuKinesa of all kinds sold quickly for cah in all parts of the United States. Don't wait. Write to day describing what yoij have to sell and ,'ive caidi onw on Mmc. IF YOU WANT TO BUY any kind of Buhiness or Real Eatate anywhere, at any price, write me your requirements. I can gave you time and money. DAVID D. TAFF, THE LAND MAN 415 Kansas Avenue. T0PEKA, KANSAS. NOTICE FOR BIDS. Rbls arc hereby nked for the com pletion of the nuperfttrttctlnn and In terior flnlxh of the new I'ourt Hotme. Rlda to Include wlrlntr itnd plumbing, but not hi-atln(r. Sal I bulbllntr to b roinplted In Iti-i -ordolic- with the plans and npeclrb .it bom 01 rib- In the ccimty i leik'x otil, I-. All 0Mt. rl.iU now on hand and paid for by the county to be on.-! I. -red by the bidder. Rid derH to 'Tico!i( r.-rtlll'-d he' k In the mini of j p-r ''.-Ml of th.-ir bid thnt th-y will i-nt-r Into 1 ontrart when pro vision for payment. U rinde. Rid 1 to be (lied with the county clerk on or before December IS, 1306. Tn,. court reMerves the right to reject nny or all bids. l!y order of the County Court, J. C, CMXTON, County clerk. Aatorla, Oretfon, November 9. 1'jnr,, ll-10-3flt Du. VAIKUIAN, Jythlan HulldiiiK, Anton t'rrtrou. Dr. W. C. LtMiAN DK.vnsi H (Vimuiercial Mi , Hlinnnhn'i fltiittliiift Mtiiitr1Vlrmtdi thuu rurMMd toA.lorl. l I'orllniiil Arntaatioiin HUiii!rT!iiiiiti ftoiii Ai.ifi too a-n. ! Alorla . Arrive IVrUmul.,, llnud BUSINEiS DIRECTORY RKSTAUMANTi. ... ,'MBtr HKAIJ4 HAttfrtl A U ( Atnr Hij.i.r Tlm.lt will .top .i mUni, log. bom do wo miil up rlBr when Win. pwmnt iu ti.d ur hjt lwlii ii,(a. ' I'vrtUmt Undlng . . Alder 81 Dock Anlorla Umlln . . (tlrDter Dock t B. SCOTT, Agent, PortUM Cllair NavltloB Co (( Astorta, riWlN'KWIi MAIN. FIRST-CLASS MKAL fur l'c; nice cako, cii(ri.M, to, or louglitiutrt, .', itl U. 8. Kwtttur ant. n i IU SI BKST lotE.NT MEAL. Voti an ulwtivs (iiul tht hvni !5- ttst niftil iu tho i-ity at tlir Ri.finjr Smi Ktuiriiiit, U'2 'it!tmrtin!St. Parker House Oregon Restaurant NKW AND FlUST O.ANN DININ'O- IWM. AJ.I. TIIK UKfTT TKK MAIIKCT AFFORDS, OI'EN DAV AND NIGHT. Carter Ninth and Ator Street. I'hone Mark 2184. HOT! Li BOARDING. THE LEYDE. Room with or without hoard; rates reasonable ; good aix.-orn-rnodatlon for trnnieritH. 14tli and Commercial. HOTEL PORTLAND rie4 HoU In h Northwt PORTLAND, OHt, WINES, LIQUOBS A1D CI0AE1. TIIK SAVOY PopuUr Coowrl Hall. Qotti muale. All are wtleom. er 8iVnU tad Astor. 0 WINIS, LIpCORS AMD CIGAII. Eagle Concert Hall Aitor Ht. The leading imiwyieiit boune. Ajfenejr fop WIoa I"!ion)rriphs (Jol4 MuM. Itowirdi. P. A. PET Kit HON, Ttof if I 1 1 1 416 BOND 8T, ASTORIA, 0RXG0V f Unpiectdenttd Succesf of R t Gf I THE GREAT CHINESE DOCTOR Who Is known Carries lbs Finest Lis ( Wines, Liquors and Cigars CALL AND SEE US LVi'-AVr j SUlM UU SttWllUl III 3ji5d2L-'.--i hi wonderful eure MUSIC TEACHER. WANTED THREE MUSIC PUPIU) Inquire at, Airtorian odine. MANIXW.IN LESSONS GIVENMRS C. D. Stewart, 127 3oventli utreet. HOUSE MOVERS. FREDRECKSON BROS.-We mk s upecialty of house moving, esrpenters, contractors, j?enr;ral jobbing; jirompt at tention to all orders. Corner Tenth nd Duane, tf NURSES. MRS. JULIUS DAVIS " (lute of Portland) Graduate Nurse Royal London (Eng.) Hospital. 170 9th St. UNDERTAKERS. J. A. CILBAUGH & CO., Undertakers and Embalmers. Phone Main 2111. Cor. 12 and Duane. 11-4-tf No poiHoiin nor drug uited. He gusran-U-ck to pure caliiirh, h thins, lung snj throat trouble, rhetimatlMii, ncnrousni'S, Klonmcli, liu-r, Hiid kidney, female com iliiintx nod nil chronic dioesnes. SUCCESSFUL HOME TREATMENT. If you cannot cull write for symptom hiank mul cirx-uliir, inclosing 4 cent in utaiiipt. THE C. GEE W0 MEDICINE CO. 102J Kirn). St., Corner Morrison, PORTLAND, OREGON. I'len-ci mention the Astorian The American Collection Agency No foe charged uti le 1 1 collection i 1 made. We make col lections in all parts of the United States. 413 Kansas Ave. T0PEKA, KANSAS. ANTHONY P. WILSON, Attorney "PaleBohemlan LaAer BeerM THE BEER FOR THE HEALTHY WEALTHY AND WISE on draught and In bottles Brewed nrHi-r sanitary condition tnd proprn Hycd rluhl here In Antorla, North Pacific i BrewlnCo. ASTORIA, OREGON. Weinhard's LAGER e GE M ASTORIA C. F. WISE. Prop. Choice Wines, Liquors Merchants Lunch From 11:30 a. m. to 1:30 pjn. 33 Centi Corner Elevent h and Commercial and Cigars Hot Lunch at all Hours OREGON