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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 11, 1906)
THE MOKXIXR ASTORIA N. ASTOKIA, OHKGON.
Philosopher Figures Out That
There Is a Fortune In
WIFE VETOES HIS PLAN
She Te!l of a Lot of Expense That
Her Lord and Master Has Over
looked In Estimate.
(Copyright. lf. by E. C. Fareells.
HArrEMNG to look out of the
window tlio other day an hour
before Mr. Bowser's time for
coming home, Mrs. Bowser
caught sight of him and a strange man
walking up and down aa If viewing
the bouse. When they bud finished
with the front they went around to
the alley, and it was almost an hour
before the man went away and Mr.
Bowser entered the house.
"Well, is it another eowf he was
"My dear Mrs. Bowser," he replied,
la a paternal way and with a broad
mile on his face, "I have some new
to delight you. Tomorrow I expect to
complete negotiations for the exchange
of this house for a farm. You know I
have been hoping to make an exchange
for the last five years."
"We will talk it over," said Mrs.
Bowser, as she motioned him to a chair.
"Yes, we will talk It over, but you
can't possibly find any fault I have
got facts and figures right down pat to
prove to you that it will be the best
deal of our Jives."
"What sort of a farm is it?"
Wanted a Dairy Farm.
"A dairy farm, my dear. I have
given up the idea of chickens. It Is a
dairy farm of eighty acres, and we
hall exchange even up. The man la
I SHALL PUT IT TP IN FA.VCT CAKES.
so anxious to get into the city to edu
cate his daughter that he will make
most any s;icrifii. Now listen to me.
I start in the dairy business with
thirty cows. The milk can be estimat
ed at S'X) quarts per day. If sold at 5
cents a q-r.rt to the c:x'..uK-ry t litre I
15 a day, or 5105 per week. All we
have to do Is to deliver the milk and
take a check. 1 shall sell only half the
milk, however. The remainder will be
made into butter. I shall put it up in
fancy cakes ;;nd call it 'Bowser's Best.'
The sales will amount to about S3 per
day, and on the sour milk aud whey I
shall fatten about fifty higs during the
year. When these are marketed the
total income per week for the year will
be about 13. We will call It $7,000
per year. We live well, have the bene
fit of the country air and make $7,000
per year, cud if you have got any fault
to find with that you must be hard to
please. .Such a bargain as this man is
willing to ;.'ive me can't be picked up
once in a hundred years. What do you'
think of it?"
"You start with thirty cows?"
queried Mrs. Bowser.
"From thirty to thirty-five."
"They are on the farm and part of
the bargain, are they?"
"Why, no. I must buy them."
"Oh, I see. Has the farm a barn for
"I-I don't think bo, hut I can build
Mr. Bonier Mukc-a Eatlniatea.
"Of course. Let us see. Thirty good
cows will cost you $1,200. To build a
dairy barn will cost you at least $800
more. There is $2,000 to start with
Had you figured on that?"
Mr. Bowser swallowed away at his
Adam's apple and began to turn pale.
"To run a dairy of thirty cows you
Will have to hnve two men. Tbey must
Bulk, feed, drive the milk to the cream
ery, etc. You can figure on $50 per
month as wages, aud, of course, you
must board them. You must add $000
to the $2,000 In the first year" ex
penses. Has the farm got at least
thirty acres of good grass land?"
"I I didn't ask about that but of
course It has."
"Well, If it has you are all right for
the summer. What about the winter?
Those cows must be fed from Novem
ber to May. Each one will consume
from two to three tons of hay. What
about sixty or seventy tons of hay and
the soft feed in addition?"
"Woman, what are you trying to get
at?" shouted Mr. Bowser, ag he pound
ed on the table with his list.
"The actual state of affair" b re
plied. "There will lie at least one
month out of twelve when half your
cows will be farrow or nursing their
calves. Have yon figured out that Ion
"But the calves alomt will net me a
thousand dollar a year."
What It Would lllm.
"Theu you are greater than the beef
trtift. If every one of your thirty
cows had a calf, the thirty calves
might bring you $200, but no more. Iu
figuring on the expenses of the first
year we will say that your hay and soft
feed cost you $1,700. That Is a very
close estimate. You must buy a team
of horses, wagou, milk cans, palls,
churns, etc. You mint allow at least
$500 for these things."
"Xot on your life! Not If I know
how to cipher! Why, you must take
me for the biggest fool In the state!" j
"You can submit my figures to any
one you will. You have estimated your
Income altogether too high. The cows
will give much less milk In the winter.
Some of them may le alllug or die.
The price of hay may go up. Instead
of $123 per week, yon should figure on
$73. Out of this, even after you get
started, must eotue the expenses of
feed, help and the keep of your team.
You will have to turn In aud work
yourself, and If there Is any 'Bowser's
Best' butter made you will have to al
low me au extra girl In the bouse.
Don't bob around on your chair now,
but figure as a business man."
Figures Enconrav Itowsvr.
"Don't tell me that I am bobbing
around!" shouted Mr. Bowser, so loud
ly that he was heard In the next house.
"One wonld think you were talking to
an infant. I say you are wrong from
beginning to end. I tell you there's at
least $3,000 a year clean profit In this
thing for me, but of course you want
to knock It in the head If you can. By
thunder, ivhat a Jackass I am ever to
alt dowt and talk to you about business."
"I dou'i think yon have lost anything
by It," quietly replied Mrs. Bowser.
"However, If you think I am wrong,
please show n:e where, fan you buy
cows for less thau $10 apiece? Haven't
you got to have-a barn? Haven't you
got tc !,.;' ' .'p? Haven't you got to
have t. V Toll me where my tigurea
are too high."
"What"? the use? You don't waut to
be convinced, and v" won't lie. I am
offered the opportunity of my life, and
you stand In the way ami try to make
me out an Idiot."
"ion are hardly fair with me, Mr.
Bowser. If you will show me where I
am wrong In my figures I'll cheerfully
start a dairy farm with you."
"I'll bring you figures from a man
who has run a dairy farm himself and
made $10,000 a year at It. I'll even
bring the man himself."
A minute later Mr. Bowser was out
of the house and on his way to the
family butcher's. He had often heard
that the butcher was formerly a dairy
farmer, aud that his sole object In sell
ing out and moving Into town was to
educate his son In telling the difference
between a knockkneed horse and a
comic opera. He found the butcher
smoking his pipe and meditating, and
"Mr. Bones, didn't you used to run a
dairy farm somewhere';"
"I think so," was the cautious an
swer. "And you made $10,000 a year?"
"I have been charged with so doing."
"Well, now, knowing me as you do,
what would you advise In my case? I
can trade my bouse and lot for a dairy
"How many acres?"
"How many cows?"
"As many as I want to buy. I thought
of starting with thirty."
"How's the cow barn?"
"There isn't any."
"What's your experience?"
"Haven't bud any."
liutrlier I)Ucoaraii- Flan.
"Mr. Bowser," said the butcher, as
he rose up and got behind the meat
block, "go into the business of raising
jackasses. You have hail experience
and can't help tut make a success."
There would have been a row had
not a couple of women customers come
In. Mr. Bowser was forced to post
pone the bloodletting to another time,
and he went out and wandered up and
down the street with bent head and
back humped up. His dairy had soured
on him. His "Bowser's Best" would
never be on the market. He would
never rub the backs of cows or fondle
their calves. And men and women
who took notice of hire whispered to
"Say, that's Bowser, that is, and
Mrs. Bowser's got the better of him
again." M. QUAD.
Largait 0Ur in Cigars Diet at Hit
CHIC-ACIO, Nov, J.-Jtolomon limn
burger died unexpectedly yesterday of
heart failure, following an operation,
Mr. Hamburger was one of the best
known men In the clgur and tobacco
business In the country. A mouth a no
Mr. Hamburger and his family re
turned from a trip around the world
Mr, Hamburger was a member of
the Standard ana Illinois Athletic
clubs, lie took an active Interest In
philanthropic work, He was horn In
Bavaria In 1S57.
In Tim of Peace.
In the tlrst months of the Bula
Japan war wo had a striking example
of the necessity for preparation and
the early advantage of those who, so
to speak, "have shingled their r-"fi !n
dry weather." The virtue of prep na
tion has made history and given to
u our greatest men. The Individual
as well aa the nation should be pre
pared for any emergency. Are you
prepared to sueeesfully combat the
first cold you take? A cold can be
treated much more quickly "hen
treated as soon as It has been eon
traded and before It has become set
tied In the system. Chamberlain's
Cough Remedy U famous for lt cares
of colds and It should be kept at hand
ready for Instant use. For sale by
Frank Hart, Leaning Druggist.
WANTICn KNKUilKTIC. TtU'tfT
worthy mull or woman to work In
Oregon, representing hii'K manufac
turing company. Hahtry 150 to M
pee month. jwlt we-Mr Unpenned
advanced. J. II, Moore, Astoria. One.
WAXTKO MAN'!i:il I'OllURANtil
lhVc we InI to hmilc heir III An-
torla. Address, reference, I be Mor
ris Wholesale Home. l'lm-nti,in. o.
II II If
WANTED -SAI.KSM l.'.V. MANY MARK
$100 to $IW per mouth. .Some even
more. Stock clean; grown ou ucer-
witiou, fur from old orchard. tali
advanced weekly, ivies of territory
Address Washington N'umerjf Company.
TVfiHMi:h. Washington." 9 W tf
ATTORNEYS AT LAW.
CHAS. II. ABKRCK0MS1X,
General IWItlonsr, NoUrjr Pubile.
Rooms SH St-l'liont Matu WS1
l'g Block, Cor. Coromemlal A 18th St.
DR. R HOD A C, HICU
Omc Mni. Itlrl. Phone H '"
TI Commwlu Ht, Astoria, Of
(Vtmawnnllii Monday, May t4
1.4 W.y Vl- V
J - "
UlKt.S WANTMO I'olt ol'fUi
work between the "h',v "f I" an
IU ve.ir-i, Adders K JO, Aatofhiu of
WANTED -- ldti:SSMAKl:K8 Al'
reutlee. Call 133 Commercial .1!
I'p stairs. Il-U-Jt
FOR RENTSTORE ItlTLDINO AT
AWerbrook, with ahalviag, counter,
Un. tc. wreroom and tarn, Ooml
living room up tairt, fine opportunity
for rijjht party. Rent, f23 per month
Inquire at 100 ISth ft. lO lltf
And now the hamrmvk act end and
the parlor work begins.
A reliable medicine and one that
should always be kept In the home for
Immediate u.ie Is Chamberlain's Cough
Remedy. It will prevent the attack If i FOR. RKXT-TKN-ItOOM IIOfSB AT
given as soon aa the child become' No. 153 Saornl Avenue. Apply to
hoarse, or even after the croupy cough ! Victor Alrola. U-4-tf
appears. For sale by Frank Hart, Del , ,
Leading Druggtat J For itKNT - TWo UooMS MCKI.V
furnlilied, over A. . .'b r. n grocery
SUNDAY TRAVEL TO PORTLAND more. Il-fi tf
Increase and $2.50 Round Trip Rata
via A. & C. R. R. i Popular.
Travel from thii city to Portland
On Sunday at the low round trip rat"'
of 2.;0 l.i on the :!:. !!:!! nod nmoy
enjoy that day In the metropolis: each
week. This rate will be continued
throughout the winter and the volume
of travel toward Portland every Sun
day would Indicate that the public
appreciates It. U-S-tf
NN'IXY FlitNtSUKO lip'NT Romm
for r.-nt with tire, $:' p.-r m-t
Apply ;; 9th St. li-it tf
LOST AND FOUND.
The Greeks developed what we rec
ognize today a the Ideal head, yet
If we were to wear our topknots done
after the style of Venus lie Mllo, w
would be considered decidedly dowdy.
Occaelona' vf one ha t the fortune
to met women who are Ideal In looks
and figure. Ninety-nine times out of
a hundred you will find che taken
Holllster's Rwky Mountain Tea. Ten
or Tablets. 3; r-jnts. For sale by
t.OST-A WATCH FOR WITH i!I.I
buckle, opal stoiu- la center, Re
turn to Astnrlnn office and receive re
An Invariable Role.
Mr. Giblets (in market, Biinpltiously)
Did you kill this chicken or did !t
Mr. Potts 'positively,-When I kill a
chicken it inwarhiblv dirs, :-ir.
la bonds, Mr. Tin:!
rastor Only Dm
"In she so v:'y
"Oh, very. Vl.
rUen she wan oi.i
'"''I 'V"i :c,cculat
r. I'c- v
A .1!' isioc;, ,
He had n t':u In -or;. ;
Each P-Kcoa ei:n n
And at the r i din-; of f.!; - ninrre
The class (; I up u tiol
"We can't rc-mr inL-.r un' thbig,"
They cried. ' Von nre N. O.'"
"Tut, tut," s-.i!d he, "I'm very sure.
That you'll remember n;e."
BUTTON HOLE AT THE BACK.
Vour experience with it has no douhl
lead to much vexation, possibly pro
fanity. Droke your fingernail trying ti
pry it up from the neck band, t-W
You won't have that Unit experience H
you senil your shirts to u-; we save you
this trouble, and danger of tearing tlu
shirt. Try tm and see,
Tenth and Duano Sts. Phone iggt
JAPANESE FIXINGS, MADE OF BAM
BOO, LIGHT, STRONG, HAND
MADE, TABLES, STANDS, CHAIRS
WHAT-NOTS, BOOKCASES, SHELV
825 Commercial fit.. Astoria.
Cord wood, mill wood, box wood, uny
kind of wood 1 1 lowest prices. Kelly,
the transfer man. 'Phone aiqi Main,
Barn on Twelfth, opposite oien
NO MATTER WIIKHE LOCATED
Properties and BuKinesa of all kinds sold
quickly for cah in all parts of the
United States. Don't wait. Write to
day describing what yoij have to sell
and ,'ive caidi onw on Mmc.
IF YOU WANT TO BUY
any kind of Buhiness or Real Eatate
anywhere, at any price, write me your
requirements. I can gave you time and
DAVID D. TAFF,
THE LAND MAN
415 Kansas Avenue.
NOTICE FOR BIDS.
Rbls arc hereby nked for the com
pletion of the nuperfttrttctlnn and In
terior flnlxh of the new I'ourt Hotme.
Rlda to Include wlrlntr itnd plumbing,
but not hi-atln(r. Sal I bulbllntr to b
roinplted In Iti-i -ordolic- with the
plans and npeclrb .it bom 01 rib- In the
ccimty i leik'x otil, I-. All 0Mt. rl.iU now
on hand and paid for by the county
to be on.-! I. -red by the bidder. Rid
derH to 'Tico!i( r.-rtlll'-d he' k In the
mini of j p-r ''.-Ml of th.-ir bid thnt
th-y will i-nt-r Into 1 ontrart when pro
vision for payment. U rinde. Rid 1 to
be (lied with the county clerk on or
before December IS, 1306. Tn,. court
reMerves the right to reject nny or all
bids. l!y order of the County Court,
J. C, CMXTON,
Aatorla, Oretfon, November 9. 1'jnr,,
Jythlan HulldiiiK, Anton t'rrtrou.
Dr. W. C. LtMiAN
H (Vimuiercial Mi , Hlinnnhn'i fltiittliiift
Mtiiitr1Vlrmtdi thuu rurMMd
HUiii!rT!iiiiiti ftoiii Ai.ifi
! Alorla .
HKAIJ4 HAttfrtl A U ( Atnr
Hij.i.r Tlm.lt will .top .i mUni,
log. bom do wo miil up rlBr when Win.
pwmnt iu ti.d ur hjt lwlii ii,(a. '
I'vrtUmt Undlng . . Alder 81 Dock
Anlorla Umlln . . (tlrDter Dock
t B. SCOTT, Agent, PortUM
Cllair NavltloB Co (( Astorta,
fur l'c; nice cako, cii(ri.M, to, or
louglitiutrt, .', itl U. 8. Kwtttur
ant. n i IU SI
BKST lotE.NT MEAL.
Voti an ulwtivs (iiul tht hvni
!5- ttst niftil iu tho i-ity at tlir
Ri.finjr Smi Ktuiriiiit,
NKW AND FlUST O.ANN DININ'O-
IWM. AJ.I. TIIK UKfTT TKK
OI'EN DAV AND NIGHT.
Carter Ninth and Ator Street.
I'hone Mark 2184.
Room with or without hoard;
rates reasonable ; good aix.-orn-rnodatlon
for trnnieritH. 14tli
rie4 HoU In h Northwt
WINES, LIQUOBS A1D CI0AE1.
PopuUr Coowrl Hall.
Qotti muale. All are wtleom.
er 8iVnU tad Astor.
WINIS, LIpCORS AMD CIGAII.
Eagle Concert Hall
The leading imiwyieiit boune.
Ajfenejr fop WIoa I"!ion)rriphs
(Jol4 MuM. Itowirdi.
P. A. PET Kit HON, Ttof
I 1 1 1
416 BOND 8T,
R t Gf I
Who Is known
Carries lbs Finest Lis (
CALL AND SEE US
LVi'-AVr j SUlM UU SttWllUl III
3ji5d2L-'.--i hi wonderful eure
WANTED THREE MUSIC PUPIU)
Inquire at, Airtorian odine.
MANIXW.IN LESSONS GIVENMRS
C. D. Stewart, 127 3oventli utreet.
FREDRECKSON BROS.-We mk s
upecialty of house moving, esrpenters,
contractors, j?enr;ral jobbing; jirompt at
tention to all orders. Corner Tenth nd
MRS. JULIUS DAVIS "
(lute of Portland)
Graduate Nurse Royal London (Eng.)
170 9th St.
J. A. CILBAUGH & CO.,
Undertakers and Embalmers.
Phone Main 2111. Cor. 12 and Duane.
No poiHoiin nor drug uited. He gusran-U-ck
to pure caliiirh, h thins, lung snj
throat trouble, rhetimatlMii, ncnrousni'S,
Klonmcli, liu-r, Hiid kidney, female com
iliiintx nod nil chronic dioesnes.
SUCCESSFUL HOME TREATMENT.
If you cannot cull write for symptom
hiank mul cirx-uliir, inclosing 4 cent in
THE C. GEE W0 MEDICINE CO.
102J Kirn). St., Corner Morrison,
I'len-ci mention the Astorian
No foe charged uti
le 1 1 collection i 1
made. We make col
lections in all parts
of the United States.
413 Kansas Ave.
ANTHONY P. WILSON, Attorney
on draught and In bottles
Brewed nrHi-r sanitary condition tnd
proprn Hycd rluhl here In Antorla,
C. F. WISE. Prop.
Choice Wines, Liquors Merchants Lunch From
11:30 a. m. to 1:30 pjn.
Corner Elevent h and Commercial
Hot Lunch at all Hours