Iiiilirn 'itMHiimni li-r-T
SATURDAY, JULY at, 1904.
THE HORNING ASTOMAN, . ASTORIA, OREGON.
8
1 . .
bowser Wants
Chicken
Harm
He FigureiQui There', Millions
to 'Be Had In Rawing -
. Poultry. , ,
WIFE SHATTERS IDEA
Shows Him He Cnnot Mk Money
by Following Out Plan Outlined
to Her Start Trouble,
' lCopyrlhUtW,byKnn rrcll.) ,
Instead of sitting down to his paper
bui elgnr after dlnuer, as 1. Mr, How
r usunl programme, die paced up
Hil clown the ulttlng room with bis
bands behind his back and hi fore
head wrinkled with some mental put
tie, When ho linil wasted fifteen mln-ou-s
at thlt Ma Bowser asked:
, "Ha anything gone wrong with your
business affairs today?'
"No," he mll4 m he paused.
"Thro what bothers your
"I wont to talk to you about a mut
ter, and If you cn possibly do no 1
wUli you'd talk straight aud sensible.
I mesn by thnt that I don't want any
aarcssm or giggling." ,
'Well, I'll try niy best" ,
. "Thro I want to talk about l chicken
farm, 1 know w canvassed the ub-
1 II, III,. Im-TT
rrrnio on nrs rniinn.
ject befor, but I wa not as wall post
ed on th matter a I am now. I bar
been going Into the matter very thor
oughly for th pant week," -
"I will help you all 1 cia," said Mr.
Bowser a she took down pmiell nod
pad and prepared to make notes.
"I am getting along In yean, Mr.
Bowser, and the day la not far dlatant
when the dally grind la going to bo too
much for me. By that time I want to
be so altunted that I can take things
e asy-slt on the reranda and boaa and
let other men do the work.", . . ,
"1 am In accord with your Idea.
What are your planar
run Cnteti. rru
"To run a chicken farm. I tell you,
Mra. Bowser, there's a gold mine in It
l am aniased that Rockefeller , don't
drop Standard Oil and Armour let go
of beef and private cam and go into
chicken raising. I have figure to prove
beyond a doubt that It discount the
South African diamond fields."
"Then you shall have my hearty co
operation., I'll work with you In every
,way to make a succoaa of It"
"That's the talk!" exclaimed Mr.
Dowser as he waved his arm around
his head. "Now you are speaking like
a true wife and helpmeet, and I'm
proud of you. Now, we'll take It easily
and quietly, and I'll show you aome
wonderful figures. I start In with 000
hens, divided between Early Rose and
Maiden's Mush. Those are the best
layers In the world; they'll go out and
lay eggs In a snowdrift"
"I thought Early Rose was the name
of a potato and thnt Maiden's Blush
was the name of an apple," said Mrs.
Bowser. . . . -
"Don't begin to enrp and cavil at the
very outset .1 shall start out with COO
bens. This Is exclusive of roosters.
There aro hong that lay every day In
the week and others that only lay ev
ery other day. You can figure on at.
least BOO eggs every day In the year.
That's about 1,028 dozen. At 20 cents
the dozen we have an Income of about
$34 per day. That, pgnln, Is 12,f00 per
year. Any objections to raking In thnt
tidy little sum every year for the rest
of your life, Mrs. Bowser?"
" "Not the. slightest Go on,"
naturei Oat ProSt. ..
"We have .figured on the cggs.oply.
Among rf thousand hens , there ought to
be at least 000 that would Set twice a
year and bring forth twelve chicks at
each sitting, That's over 7,000 chicks
a year. Flgurs It at the lowest pos
sible notch, and the Income Is $3,600.
Unit's $10,000 a year altogether, and
as you've nothing to do but gather and,
market the eggs and Increase V& like
to know what more a reasonable being
could nsk for. , .
increase the number of chicken to
J.000 and you Increase your Income to
KI2.000. I think I s'iiU.stop .at 2.000.
iV sevoraf nundreif rooster crowlng'at
one In thtf small hour of the morn
ing might disturb soms sick person.
We'll also cut $2,000 a year off for ao
oiuruvt ana place the Income at 3o
000."
"Where did you get your fiiure
from, Mr. Bowser?", asked Mr. Bow
ir li b I .rubbing hi bands to
gether and beaming at the cat.
"From a, man light In the chicken
business." '
"And doe be waut to tell out?"
, "Yes. Ill mother-in-law ha com
to live with hlin, and she hate chick
ens. She wont out with a pall of bolt
ing water the other morning and scald
ed thirty of them. II ha either got
to break bur neck or give up the chick
en, and a ha Is a man without much
backbone lie has decided to fell out
I'm to give hlui an answer tomorrow.
He'll sell wo the farm for $8,000 and
the 000 chicken be has for $300. Then
I go ahead and buy 400 more, and it'
all . clear ; tailing, Thnt' the plan.
What do you think of It t" ;"
. "You read your paper for a few min
ute and let tu do some figuring," she
replied.
"But what figuring is there to. do?"
"You wlU sec. Of courso there ar
always two sides to a plan."
"There can't be to this. It's the plain
est proposition ever stated. However,
go ahead and figure. You may mdke
the Income $5,000 higher than I do."
Mrs. Bowser worked away for ten
minutes and then said: '
"You will pay $8,000 for the farm,
$,100 for the chickens on hand and
$300 for enough additional to make op
your thousand, The new coops and
runway will cost, say. $200; our re
moval, $100, and the taxes at least $75
per year. A horse and wagon will cost
yon $-'100, your help at least $000 and
the feed for l.tKK) ben cannot be less
than $1,000. Our household expenses,
with two men to board, cannot be les
than $1,000. Here is an outgo of al
most $1.1,000 for the first year, and you
must figure Interest on over 111,000 of
it We will add $550 for that"
"Heavens, but baa the woman gone
crazy?" gasped Mr, Bowser as be, look
ed st the cat,
lloae Weal Hoi Imr,
"If you get 250 eggs per day th year
through from 1.000 bens you will be in
luck," ah continued, "If w place the
price at 20 cents a down, which Is high,
you will receive about $l,5oo. At for
the sale of chickens, you can't figure on
over 200. This number at an aver
age of 80 cents each will give you
$100. You will be sure to lose from
fifty to a hundred of your bens per
year and bav to renew, but we'll say
nothing about that You bav an outgo
th first year of about $13,000 and an
Income of about $1,600. The second
year you bav" n ,,.
"I bar nothing!" shouted Mr. Bow
ser, with hi face the color of red paint
"Woman. I knew bow It would bel By
the living Jingo, but why cant I keep
from making a fool of myself r
"Th second year your Incom will be
about a third of your expenses. You
may, by sitting on the veranda and
smoking Parte gas and fanning yourself
with a palm leaf, finally get It down to
onebalf, but you cannot expect to do
better. In other word"
"Btopt I will hear no morel"
"But you don't want to alt on the
veranda and amok and fan at a loss
of three or four thousand dollar ' a
year, do your abe protested.
Laaros Hows Is Am ft.
- "Never you mind wbat I want X
am now going out You needn't alt up
for me. If any one calls, tell them that
I may not be home for a week. When
I do como, I shall bav facts and fig
ure to shrivel you up Ilk an old cab
bait." . .-, .
Mr. Bowser put on his overcoat and
bat and started out He wanted evi
dence to convict Mr. Bowser of fals
statistic, and he wanted sympathy,
and b happened to remember that the
family cobbler used to run a chicken
ranch In the country. He went around
to the shop, and after a few remark
about the weather be eald:
, "Jake, would you advise me to take
a chicken formf
"Vbaayou thinking of ltr was asked.
"Very strongly." -
"Den let me adwls aomet'lngs bet
ter. Take a Jackass farm."
"What do you meanf
"If you take a Jackass farm you can
be dcr biggest one among 'em."
Mr. Bowser couldn't take a man six
ty-flve years old by the neck and shake
his whlBkers loose, and so He went out,
Just as he stepped outdoors a man
asked: . ,
"Can I ask you th way to the Rev
George Thompson' church, please?"
"You can, but I'll eat you In return!"
shouted Mr. Bowser, as Moat Feleo
finally burst forth. - .
The aucstlouer wo a clergyman him
self. He knew asphalt pavement and
he knew when to strike a gait With
one loud, long cry of "Police!" he start
ed, and the three or four watcher of
tlio race agreed that at the end of the
first block he had gained ten feet on
Mr. Bowser and would run him out of
sight In three or fonr blocks more.
M. QUAD,
DANGERS OF DIETING
UNOERPf COINQ LIABLE TO WEAKEN
HEART'S ACTION. .
, Th One Antoer'r.t.
Th umpire Is a mighty man;
He always has his euy, '
And when he onoo dvclu.s 11 point
U ha to bp that way. '.
JUthouffh th world with threats iui
May contradict him fiat,
He triumphs over nil his foes ' V
By simply standing put.
The statesnmn and thf buatreM non
- Toll.' on In proper prW. ! :. j. u'
Bvt never know just where thoy statu
Until the courts decide.
But he, th umpire, headless ot
Ambition' or ot pelf.i - .
Walks with Imperious stride through
A its unto himself.
Washington Star.
Vesallr Appetite I re ef
Health, the Kir. I la ot 111
In a Maj AHlmal U Las
Of b I)r For food,
rrofessor Alexander Ilnlg, an Eng
lish dietary expert, has written from
London to the medical fraternity of
New York warning Americans against
the popular belief that the average
man eats too much, Ho says that the
Increasing nuniher of deaths from heart
failure is largely duo to underfeeding.
The notion that science Is a more
unerring guide than Is nature Is con
stantly guliilng ground. In tlio good
old days men drank when they were
thirsty and ate of wbutever they wished
until their banger was satisfied. Now
science condemns such foolishness a
primitive, It prescribe one glass of
water one hour before meals and one
ginss one hour after meals-no more,
no less, If you bapttcn not to be thirsty
at those times, no mutter, drink that
amount anyway. If perchance you are
thirsty and would like two glasses you
must not yield; It I ouly nature that
prompts you, ami nature is an unsafe
guide. Or, you may be "abnormally"
thirsty at meals; nevertheless do not
drink then. ,
As to our amount of food, we are
directed to consume so many grama
of the protelds, so many gram of the
carbohydrates and .so many gram of
fat while we bear learned discourses
upon large calorie and the supreme
iniDortance of exactly maintaining our
nitrogen balance-whatcver that may
mean, ,
I have purposely not mentioned the
precise numbers of gram of the differ
ent food elements, for the simple rea
son that our eminent authorities have
not yet agreed upon this Important
point All give different figures.
Scientists, however, following the
htad of Russell II. Chittenden, I'b. D.,
LL. D., 8c. I., have pretty well agreed
that the average man eats twice more
than be needs. If half his customary
amount of food does not satisfy him
it ought to, they say, and It will even
tufllly, provided he keeps on suppress
ing his natural and therefore nnscien
tiflc Instincts. , ,
But Just here lies a danger. It Is
true that one can accustom himself to
a much smaller quantity of food than
that to which be has been habituated
and that eventually be will desire that
smaller quantity and no more, but
when be attains to tbl condition bis
digestive power will have been . re
duced by one-half. A a result be win
lose from text to thirty pound fa
weight; that I to say, his muscle and
organs will decrease by so much In
bulk and strength. Now, If the heart
decrease considerably In strength
there will always be danger of It col
lapse, particularly If It be subjected to
any extra strain, as when on run for
a car or rapidly up a flight of steps,
Excitement alone maybe fatal to a
weak heart
. Rigorous dieting to reduce weight Is
always dangerous. A better plan Is to
work off the superfluous flesh by x
erclse.
Lack of sleep has a depressing effect
on the heart for during sleep cerebral
circulation dliftlnlshcs, when the blood
can devote Itself to the rest of tb
body. . . . ' v '
Eating before going to bed, particu
larly If one Is up late, Is a good prac
tice, it being most favorable to thor
ough body repair that the blood at
night be rich In nourishment
Accustoming the digestive organ to
a small amount of food result in a de
cline of appetite, wherea' our object
should be to Increase appetite and
thereby strengthen our digestive pow
ers by Judicious exercise In' the open
air or In a well ventilated room.
If the doctrine that a small appetite
Is preferable to a large .appetite be
true-and this Is what "economy in
nutrition" teaches then open air ex
ercise, which manifestly Increase ap
petite, must be Injurious to health. Or
why should we exercise to Increase ap
petite If we may eat only so much?
The notion la wholly absurd. The
first sign of Illness In a man or an animal-Is
loss of appetite. And usually
appetite la a measure of health. '
To build up the heart and muscular
system generally we must vigorously
exercise tho mWles.
It Is not enough that one should stuff
himself; It Is all Important that he
should desire every morsel he eats,
and this he will ,do ouly If he under
goes geueral physical and mental ex
ercise. Food that Is ingested, and even
digested, will be absorbed only by
those organs that need It that have
been exercised. This fact' explains
why many persons that are good "feed
ers" are yet inadequately nourished.
If they are brnln workers and take no
physical exercise their brains absorb
what nourishment they need; the rest
Is excreted. .. ' ;i': ,; ..-
Magnificent as are the results of
brain work we must bear In mind that
there could be no result without the
co-operation of the body, and that the
body In Its turn depends primarily on
the integrity of Its heart lungs and
Stomach.-G. Elliot Flint In New York
World, . ' :
POINTED PARAGRAPHS. ,
It is easy to expect others to set good
examples. 1 . ,
When opportunity knock It doesn't
us a hammer. 1 A . . H -
Despair la the undertaker that carts
off our dead hopes. 4 ., , . .
OcQaslon.VLv a man rises from noth-
KEP THE LIVER CLEAN,
Dea'd Overwork It Give It a Reef
' v Oaae la Awblle.
A man of common sense and a doc
tor at that said: "The liver is misun
derstood and underestimated in It
functions. If H can In kept clean and
active there Is no reason why we
should ever be III a day, and we should
live to be 150 or 200 years old. It Is not
necessary to rip this organ all to pieces
with ten grains of calomel to get it
stirred up. The best thing to do Is to
shut off your food supply for two or
three days, drop your whisky and
claret your tea and coffee, and give
your liver a chance to rest, This should
be done once a month."
It Is well known, of course, that in
olden times the liver wa supposed to
bo the seat of the affections, menu
when they met In the morning did not
salute citcju other wiui "tiows your
healthr but with "How your llverY
Men take horseback exercise principal
tv tut their livers. A itood shaking up
every morning drives away the clrrbo-
tiebl arv encroachment. It is an error
to assume that whisky alone produces
cirrhosis. Overfeeding is more orten
the cause. If the digestive organs
would organize a union and work ouly
eight hours a day all of us would be
healthy and long lived. The trouble Is
we require the liver, stomach, bowels,
heart brain, muscles, nerves, kidneys,
anlecn. etc., to work all. the time ana
overtime. Wrong. Glvtf them a rest-
New York I'ress.
fSBUBBBSsBB
I Mating Carelessly
1
frequently camcs stomach troubles, but cartful eating will never
right them. When your stomach is out o( condition, it need help
that no lood can supply. It must be thoroughly cleansed, settled
and strengthened. Food never doe this. ... ,
I
ACTS PIIU
are the greatett stomach medicine human skill ever compounded.
Don't attempt to cure your stomach by dieting. You will half
starve and get little benefit Give Beecham's Pills a chance and you
will again know the pleasures ol a sound digestion. Appetite will
return and the stomach again work without any discomfort The (km
will clear, the face plump out, while people v.ill remark "How well
you're looking." These are lacU, not fancies. Prove it yourself.
ftatd Bverrwaeve to Boxes.
lOeatulMe.
MINING FOR RUBIES.
The Primitive Method That Are Still
In la Burma.
The avstem practiced for obtaining
ruble in the mining district In Bur
ma la of the most primitive descrip
tion, say the Searchlight The mining
shafts are simply holes about two reet
Kiunre sunk to a depth varying up to
fifty or sixty feet The shoring up of
the wall of the shaft is most crude,
the. side belug suported by posts at
the corners and branches of small
trees secured carefully against the
slues by means of stout sticks.
The miner carries a tin pot similar In
shape to a blunt edged cone on his
head. He squats down In oue corner
and digs between his knees In the op
K)slto corner. Tho earth, or byon, as
the ruby bearing earth is called, is
conveyed to the top ss fast as it Is ex
cavated In small buckets let down
from above.
: The apparatus for raising and lower
ing the buckets Is simple In the ex
treme. A stout bamboo post about
twenty feet high, called a maungdlne,
I fixed uprlsht In the ground at a con
venient distance from the pit, or dwln,
and a long, thinner bamboo pivoted
horizontally Into th upper end of It to
as to project tan eighth from the mine
and the long arm toward the mine.
lann'lb
"ir ' . "' r - . j. , . ji
I.- f ' i i i .
.4 ' . , ' i I : ! : I i 1;
N i ' !:
1 - J . v j.
laaix ta Colds.
"A Quakeress," said a physician,
"never catches cold. Her immunity Is
due to ber bonnet If I had my way,
all of us, women and men alike, wontd
wear Quaker bonnets. This bonnet
protects the back of th bead and the
nape of the neck, two very , tender
pots. The nape especially Is tender.
Let a good draft strike you there for
Just a second and I'll guarantee you I
week' cold. The Quakeress' bonnet
may -not be beautiful, but protecting
her nap as It does, it keeps ber free
from cold year In and year 6utn
Nw York Press.
sinrHatlng CbiTooclandEeilula-
ting tteStnnwrin and Rawpk ct
ness and KestXcflfalns nrilJar
Oraurajtorplunti nor Mineral
Not Nahc otic.
Jmittmd
fn dif inmsTlfr r
AMsfetf BenvdV for CDrtstlflav
doh,SouxSoinacll.Diarrhoea,
Worms rrvulstons.levETisn'
DCS5 end Loss or SiEEB
TacSimik Sifnatare of ,
NEW "YORK.
11
in
I EXACT
EXACT C0PYCT VKAPFt.
For Infants and Children, j
Tho Kind You to
Always Bought
Bears the
Signature
of
am . ww . 'taw
AW
In
Uso
For Over
Thirty-Wars
m
n
Tw www eeapnar. mtm tana evra. f
tiote anl Antidote.
Him I told your father this after
noon that I fairly dote on you. ,
Her What did he say?
Him That he would provide me with
an anttdete tomorrow In the shape of
an assignment for the benefit of his
creditors. Chicago Newa. .
'',m KStH A Ail NUittCii
iv J t?MBiUforaiintaral
irrlttiiosa or IcvrauoM .
of nueot msmbraMt.
P.inlm. and DOS utrio-
IfrtEWMtrtHtuCO. rent or pononotu.
, ftSDMn,ir 1 SJoM lr rSia.
it"m SI SO. or I lAttMS3.7. .
ClrculM teat oa nsaafb
17T
11? 1.
IS OUR FIELD, AND WE COVER IT.
Our field is the district tributary to the
mouth of the Columbia River. We pene
trate into all the outlying districts, into
lumber camps aid isolated neighborhoods.
The business of these places belongs to
you, and it is worth going after.. .Space in
THE MORNING ASTORIAN is reason
able; contract for some and let these out
siders know thai you are still in business at
the old stand. You may have a "grouch"
but that won't get business; forget it.
Let the people know what you have to sell;
they may "forget" or have "forgotten"
Sc MORNING ASTORIAN
TjTffl ftWT.v PAPtttt ON THE LOWER
v colum associated
;:. ; Ress service . '