Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (June 12, 1906)
TUESDAY, JUNE 11, igoe, THE MORNING ASTORIAN, ASTOHIA, OREGON. 8 Mrs. Bowser " Reporl Denies She Contradict the Story Thai Mr. B.'i Skating Trip Fin iihcd Hun. MERELY HAD A BAD FALL Ha Ambition to Cut Pigeon Win With the Young People Cams lo Sudden - End. Copyright, mty McCJurf , Phillip Ce.J 1MAKE this communication to tti newsjinncr to correct a report that my husband, Mr. nownet met with a utn accident c,w day ngo and will be heard of no mor. ttblle I my much dislike to bring our ramujr trouble before the public, t feci tbt I ought to t mjraelf right In tw fain lustier, One evrnluf a wet ago Mr. Bowaet cm bum from tba office with pnpk a- under bla arm. With natural feinl nine curiosity I wanted. 40 know tht ronlciiti at once, but with on tirtiu and mother b put mo off until after tllniltlP U'tinn U'M Iih.I MlahiJ M. a .1. , ---- -- - - . u mv mtw tin room be opened the package and allowed me a pair of new lr akatea. "Did you llud tbitmr I aaked. "I should say not" "Are you going to make n present to some one?" "Certainly not." "Hut they are not for yourself f "To be sure they are. Why notr "Hut you can't skate, and you are too old and too heavy to leant. You tried It two year ago and had aucn a fafl that your back was lame for throe luoiilhs." Iraarlbla, t anal. "Woman, what are you talking about?" he deiitauded a lie flushed up. "Kvery time you get a chance you ring In that I am too old or too heavy for thin or that, a If I waa aome aujteraiinU' BB HAD ON A g.VICKIRBOCKEB BCIT. ated behemoth. It a man In hli dotage at forty-eight? U a mnn weighing 15i) pounds a hayatack?" Mr. BowNer la fifty-four yeura old and weigh 183 pound, but aa the matter la painful one to him I never mention It. I did not correct hlin in tbla caae, and after a glare at me he continued: "Yea, two yeara ago I went up to the park and did a little Ice skating. Crowd congregated to sen me cut pi Ngeon wlnga. I carried oflf all the honor, and luatend of having a fall and a lame back I got rid of my rheumatism for three or four mouth. Why cau't you tick to tbo truth In making your state "But you weren't thinking of trying It again?" I queried. "And why not?" "Becaune you will be sure to-to" Wonhl Cat riceon Wine. "Now, Just leave It right there. I bought these skutes to akate with. There la akatlng at the park, I shall KO up there this evening; I Hhnll cut pigeon wlnga; I slinll perform curly cues; I shall make every other fancy ukater take n back Beat" "And you will como down with a crash and probably put both hips out of Joint." "If I do I won't attk you to nurse mo through It. By the seven spotted bulls of Indians, you are grndnnlly drlv lug mo to the dead line., ,1 don't woiv der that husbands who have been nag'' ged for years and years finally turn nnd chop their wives up with an ax." "I'm not nagging," I answered. "I'm Just saying that It Is curious that you tihouid go nnd buy a pair of skates when you can hardly stand up on them. You will only give the papers another chance to dig nt you." He looked around the room for the cat and a crowbar to' strike her dead with, but, not finding either, ho turned and walked upstairs to change bis clothes. When he came down I saw that ho must have smuggled a parcel Into the house the night before. lie had on a knlckerbocker suit, leather leggings and cap, and to save my life I couldn't help smiling aa ho stood be fore me. He looked like a fat boy In the circus, Still on the grin, I see!" he thun dered at me, but as I didn't answer he went down the hall for Jih overcoat and banged the door after him as ha went out. ' woman can be two, hours or tea minute getting ready to go some where. I waa only ten minute In get ting ready to follow Mr, Bowser, J caught the neat car behind hlin, I knew what entrance be would take tc reach, the lake In the park, and bt hadn't got hla akatea on when I found blui. tie didn't eeiu to be In any hurry either. He eat around like a boy with the toothache, and once or twlrt he seemed to be on the point of golni home. a. policeman finally sauntered up and aald; "jneae Detinue are for the uae ol ftk ft 1011 v "Well, ahVt I a ikater?" replied Mr Bowser, . ,1 .. "You don't look like it to me. To look more Ilk a man who'd roll around However, If you are skater get busy. 1 me conversation was overheard by half a dozen people, and, being put oa bla mottle, Mr, Bowser begun to faatet On bis akatea. He bad had them 00 for five minutes, looking distrustfully at the Ice all the time, when the police man came along again and aald: "What! Loafing around yet? If yov can't skate you'd better give that rig U aome won eyed orphan boy. Shall J get a ten yenr-old girl to take your arw and tell you which foot goes first?" Ha la Care. "You can mind your owu buslne air!" replied Mr, Bowser as he got Uu boiled lobster color In his face. "Ion't a me!" "And don't yon be guying me!" The officer walked on, and a score el akaters gathered around Mr, Bowaet and indulged In auch remark as: "I'll bet he'll show us a few trleki when he doe get atarted." "I'll bet so too. Ho' got the right ort of legs for a akater." "What are you guya talking about? Can 11 cider bnr'l akate?" "If be' going to smash the Ice I'm going home to play with my rag dolly," auld a girl of sixteen. Mr. Bowser had to get a move on him, I could rend hi thought as plain a print He waa aaylng to hlmeelf that he'd give a thouaand dollar If b wiu safe home with me and the cat It was too late for that. He got up and wabbled around and finally reached tb Ice and grabbed hold of a buah to atendy himself, He was standing there, with his eyes a big as saucers and hit chin quivering, when there were some more remark. They were to the fol lowing effect: "Home one get him a pair of crutches!" "If you can't skate get down and roll over!" "By fleorge, be thinks be see ghost!" "Hang to the limb, old coon! If you move you are a goner!" "Oh. shut up, and give the old gent ahow! He'll start off pretty quick and make us'all look silly." Then the girl who had spoken before chipped In with: "My ma told me that If the baby ele phant broke looae and got on the Ice I was to como tight home and study my spelling lesson." Ilia Vasal rialak. Toor Mr. Bowser bad to draw a long breath, commend hi soul to a higher power and get a hump on hlin. He hadn't scrambled along over ten feet when one of hla legs went up In the air, he spuu around two or three time and then came down with a Jar that Don Castro would have paid a thou sand dollars for to present to the French cable company. My shriek waa echoed by fifty others, and the po llceuiuu came running up nnd grabbed the poor victim by the collar and drew I1I111 to laud and auld "It's the same old coon that wa alt ting around here ten minutes ago. I told him then that he waa no akater." "Is he dead?" asked one of the crowd. "No, but he's got a lesson. That Jar haa sort of driven htm together, and be won't be more than five feet high after this. Does any ono here know him?" - "I went forward and gave hla iden tlty and address, and the ambulance was summoned, and be waa conveyed home. . They told me he was very quiet on the trip. Aa he was carried Into tbo bouse ho simply sighed. As I got out plasters and liniments aud cared for blm be looked at me in puzzled way and muttered something about pigeon wings. I hnve had the doctor for him, but the M. D. says tint no bones are actually broken. It Is a case of telescope. Tim victim Is still lying In n lethargic state, opening his eyes and looking around now and then, and It will probably bo another week before he can shout "Woman!" at me nnd announce that I enn go homo to mother whllo ho Is arranging about the divorce. Mennwhlle nil reports of his untimely tdemlse may be contradicted by the press. SARAH BOWSER, . , Wife of Mr. Bowser. - Per M, Quad. . Maklaar th Beat ttt Ifc "I'm dreadfuljy.rryj0. lean that yon will be at.tbe.ioot of your class this spring, Cladya." "Oh, it Is all for the best! My grad uating drtss will have a train, aud so no one will step on It when we are marching on and off th stage at commencement"- Chicago Tribune. Following th Flat. When our soldier went to Cuba and Die Philippines, health wa the most Important consideration, Willi T. Mor gan, retired Commissary Sergeant U. S. A., of Rural Route 1, Concord, N. II., says ,"I was two years in Cub and two year in the riiiUpplnes, and being sub ject to cold, I took Dr. King's New Dis covery for Consumption, which kept me In perfect health. And now, in New Hampshire, we find it the bat medicine in the world for coughs, colds, bronchial troubles and all lung diseases. Guars n teed at Charles Rogers, druggUt. Price SOo and $1.00. Trial bottle free. The Mlaalaaltipl. Mississippi was originally Mecht Sebe, "Father of Waters." It, was first spoiled MIhIhIpI by Tabott a Jesuit ex plorer, and one consonant after anoth er has been since added until it la now loaded down. The Choctaws called It the "Long river;" the Illinois Indiana knew, it s tho "Great ,Flsh river;" on old maps It Is designated as La Grande riviere, Riviere Conception, Riviere Baude, Fleuve St. Louis, Rio del Ea perltu Santo, Rio Escondldo and many other names. The Indian tribes that lived on its banks named different sec tions to please themselves, and It Is aid that from its Bource to its mouth It was originally called by more than 100 names, Some philologists doubt the correctness of the translations giv en above and commonly received and think the original word means "all the rivers of the earth." 1ILE 111 SCALP HUM Badly Affected With Sores and Crusts Extended Down Behind the Ears Some Years Later Painful and Itching Pustules Broke Out on Lower Part of Body Son Also Affected, 1 A TRIPLE CURE BY CUTICURA REMEDIES "About ten years ago my scalp be tame badly affected with sore and itching humors, crusta, etc., and extend ing down behind the ears. My hair came out in places alxo, I was greatly troubled; understood it was eczema. Tried various remedies, so called, with out effect. Saw your Cuticura adver tisement, and got them at once. Ap plied them as to directions, etc., and after two weeks, I think, of uae, waa clear as a whistle. "I have to state also that late last fall, October and November. 1904, I waa suddenly afflicted with a bad erup tion, painful and itching pustules over the lower part of the body. I suffered dreadfully. In two months, under the skilful treatment of my doctor, con- ioined with Cuticura Soap and Cuticura )intmcnt, I found myself cured. "Six year ago my eon was laid up with a severe cold, a hard cough, and finally painful eruption all over the body. I procured the Cuticura Remedies as soon aa possible, and after his faith ful use of same was aa well aa ever in two weeks, as well as I can recall. He has never had a return of the illness, as far as I know. "I have always been pleased to com- uicuu uio vuui ura iicmeuies, ana lesuiy as to their efficacy. I am a veteran of the late Civil War, '61-'65, between seventy and eighty years of age. Youra truly, H. M. F. Weiss, Rosemond, Christian Co., 111., Aug. 31, 1905." Complrtt Eitorud and Internal Tmtmmt tor wr Humor, from ftntplN to Scrofula, from Infury to An, ooiul.tlui ol Oillrura fturhife., Ointment, Sto-HeioiV. ol, Mo. (In form of Chixwltto Cootrd Pllk, lite, iwrtttl . . - AWnniieefii Rnnknf aV- - TVVWW-vwwwvwVVWVaiVWSIW 400 Fauces r:L . 111 1 1111 1 ' heXomrleteiStoryiIi ml pw By Thoroughly 265 Actual taken at the time of the Awful Catastrophe Illustrated Photographs of l),mv txhulof all drnpliu. A ilneletitoftcu curat in moH uinrrwiiiB caw w htt all alar falia, Client. Corp , Mia Prop,,, Bolton, Man. rottarOruf air- Mallril Fro. llnw to Cur. ICmma" ami ail AUiultbaSaiD, Scalp, llaud., and Hair." HES31 "PaleBohemlan Laser Beer" THE BEER FOR THE HEALTHY 1 WEALTHY AND WISE on draught and In bottle Brewed rider aanltary conditions tod propet iy aged right here In Astoria. North Pacific Brewlijg'Coi ASTORIA, OREGON. This great book which retails at $1.60 and so much desired by every one is now offered as a premium with The ornmg isiorian In order to get ' the Book, subscribe for the MORNING ASTORIAN at the regular subscription . ralje, 65c a month and 50c addditional to cover cost of express age. Old subscribers caii get this book by paying the additional charge of 50c. Only a limited number of books will be given lawaycome early and avoid the rusli. , it-. .1 K -.v ! 4 4