SATURDAY. JANUARY tj.
.a
THE MORNING ASTORIAN. ASTOIXIX OREGON.
The Grand Promoter
And the Cobbler
Major Gnfoot Ostium theUCR.
C F Hi "OU Fr
Wetscrman.
TyrigM. lM.kr atcClur. PhUllp A CVJ
M'
AJOR CROFOOT. grand pro
moter and general organiser
and debt ebirker. waa a tlttlt
lata tn rescblns? tb office, lie
Bad Boosted tbe atatra la bla uaual
cautious way &ud decided that the
coast waa clear when be got a surprise.
Tba cobbler ta wborn be bad been ow
ing $2 for two or tbree years waa not
only waiting at tbe door, but bla atata
of mind waa luch that be saluted tbe
major wlta:
"By golly, but I pellet yon That run
krnay and dont neffer coma back DO
bora, I come by dla office mot aah
tcofty tlffiea, but I dont nod you. I
ask aboodt yon. nnd esfrybody says
yoa Thai raaca) und don't pay your
tttfets. I dont know bow abo rasa dot
1 tod yon dla time."
"Can thla be my dear old friend Was
karmaar exclaimed tha major In reply
"BUT YOU MT HI OB I HlU A Mf,'
MAIO TU COBBLBB
aa be extended bla band. "Good land,
but where hare you been for tbe last
yearf
"I baf been bunting for you," waa tbe
brief reply- "Ton owe me $2, nnd I baf
run my leg almoat off to get dot mon
ey. If yon Tt&a tn your office Then I
knock on der door yon dont opes bin.
If yon aea ma on der afreet, yon run
avbay. I wait for yoa bere dla mom
big, nnd Tt aball settle up or baf tome
Sgbts."
Ttgbtaf rigbta? My dear Sir. Waa
sennas, dont get excited. Come right
Into my since and well talk It over.
It bad a check lying In my deak for
the hut alx montba for you. I'm aorry
It hm't $300 Instead of $2, aa yoa art
mm of my old friends."
1 don't want aome talks mlt you,'
aald tbe cobbler aa be refuaed a chair.
Til take my S3 nnd go right avbay.
Them I find a man who rbaa aome
deadbeati I dont do aome mora bis-
neaa mlt bim."
"Don't you call me that, my friend.
It palna me to bear aucb expteealon
from you."
"But you pay me or I make a row.
"I bope and trait you won't" gently
replied tbe promoter aa be backed up
to tbe rusty coal atore to get cold.
"In tbe old daya wben I waa bard up
and bad few frlenda you did aome
work for me and did not demand the
ready casa. In fact, yon trusted in
my boDoi, reposed confidence In my
financial Integrity. It la one of tbe
thing! I love to remember."
"You aald you would pay me In two
days," persisted tbe cobbler aa bla bris
tle continued to stand up.
"If I did the fact has slipped mj
mind. It la ouly a trifling detail, bow
ever. Mr. Wasserman, I suppose you
have beard of tbe great changes In ruy
financial condition; Ton bare not con
gratulated me, but you will us soon a
your excitement la pant."
"I told you I don't want aome talk,
reviled tbe cobbler aa be began to
doubt blmself. "If you vhaa a rich
man now you can pay your old debts."
"Tie true, my old friend; 'tla true.
I can pay a thousand dollars for every
cent I owe, and tbe feeling la a placid
one. You come up here to collect tbe
old account of $2?"
"I'nd I vuant blm light avbay, queck
If you don't pay me, look oudt! I vba
a bad man if 1 vbaa cheated. One time
a feller beat me oudt of 10 cents, und
I almoat kill blm."
"To collect an old account of $2,"
mused tbe major, "and you bad no sua
plcton of tbe good luck awaiting you.
My old friend, don't bave a fit or faint
wben I Inform you of tbe fact that yoa
bare been appointed treasurer of the
Universal Goat Raising company, which
baa Just been incorporated, with a cap
ltal of 5,000,OUO. The appointment
waa made last evening, and I waa del
egated to Inform you that your salarr
would be $20,000 per year. Let us con
gratulate each other, Mr. Waaaermau.
I am the president of the corporation,
of course, and, you being the treasurer,
wt will run thloga to ault ourselves.
You can take off your bat and apron
and go to work at once, or I can give
you two or three daya In wblcb to dis
pose of your business and get a swal
lowtail coat"
'1 want no talk; I want no goats!"
exclaimed tbe cobbler aa be pranced
around tha room. "If you don't pay
me dot $2 we aball bave some rowT
"Gently, Mr. Wasserman. It acta this
TAT sometimes, but the excitement wll! i
pa offT tea. you are treasurer ot tbe
C. O. R. C and I will explain to yon
tbat the Ma la to buy 3.000,000 goats
at a dollar apiece, ahlp them to tha
great prairies of tha west and lu
year or two they will sell stain at 100
per cent profit. w e dont want to sell
however. We propose to supply tbe
world with goats' milk. It baa been
discovered tbat a pint of goafa milk
per day coutalne mora nourishment
than Ave pounds ot meat four pound:
of flour or balf a bushel of potatoes.
Tbe average man ran do a full day's
work on a pint tiive htm a quart and
he'll work all night aa welt It further
kaa been discovered tbat goafs milk la
an almoat certain euro for consump
tion, asthma, liver complaint"
"YUl you pay me dot $2T Interrupt!
the cobbler as be reached out for tbe
major's oat cullar.
"Gently, my old friend," waa the re
ply tn a soothing vole. "I owe you S3,
It should have been paid long ago. It
will bo paid In eltout two minute. Aa
you are to bevoine- treasurer of tbe U
O. K C I feel R my duty to post you
as to tbe alma and ambition. Tn
milk will bo put np In fancy bottles,
sterilised to preserve It Indefinitely,
Oar first testimonial m from a leading
actress and will astonish all consump
tive. She aaya"
"J dont care vhat she aaya. For der
laet time. I ask yon If yon vhtn payr
"I will." auavely replied the major.
"There Is 92 coming to you for repair
ing my aboee. As treasurer of tbe U.
G. R. Cx you should file a bond of at
least 930,000.' It might give yoa some
trouble to do so, and aa you are as ok
friend of mine I propose to extend the
glad hand. In other words, I will reduce
tbe bond to the trilling sum of 92. and
that square the debt. Do yoa think
youH bare time to bunt np a ault of
office rooms this afternoon? You bad
better come tn and let me go over to toe
bank with yo. anyhow. Hereafter
yon will pay by check, you know. It
will also be well for you to get some
new clothes a soon as you can. I tblnk
this is about all-1 think so."
"Und There vhaa my 12 r demanded
the cobbler aa a lump gathered In bis
throat "You say you pay me my
money, but There vbaa sheT You talk
nnd talk, but you don't pay."
"Mr. Wasserman. you are a bard man
to deal with. I bare told you that we
aball raise goats."
"But I don't care alout goata."
"Goata of both sexes."
"But I rhant money."
"Goats of all colors."
"Dunder and blltienT
"Ton have no antipathy against goats
of old gold color, bare yoa? We must
not stsrt out prejudiced ss to color, you
know."
"By golly, but vbat a man what
dodger! I don't belief be give me any
money r
"And If you tblnk of It" continued
tbe major aa be atepped on tbe cob
bler's toes and began to crowd him out
of the room, "you might IDiiuire around
and see If you can ascertain if there
are any long tailed gaats to be bad In
Wales. What gotof vYell. goodby
until tomorrow, and try to get In early,
and and"
Tbe cobbler waa out and tbe door
locked agalnat him. After gasping
away for two or three minutes be said
to blmself:
"Vbell! Vhell! By golly, but I vbaa
glad I got oudt und baf feefty centa It
my pocketr m. yt'AU
Spoiled Her Beauty.
Harriet Howard, of New York, at on
time bad her beauty ipoiied with skin
trouble. She writes: "I hsd JSalt
Rheum or Eczema for years, but noth
ing would cur it, until I used Bucklen's
Arnica Salve." A quick and sure healer
for cuts, burns and sores. 25c at Cha.
Rogers, drug store.
A moot curious institution t Lo
Angeles in the Chine berb-dwtor.
There are some half down, and they do
not prat-tire among their own country
n, but have oHii-es in the limine-
part of the city.
ears
Pears' Soap is - the
great alchemist. Women
are made fair by its use.
nil mi
left over
reduction.
will be sold at great
A 10 big discounts offered on
alt regular lines.
Yokohama Bazar
CM Oomraerclal Street, Sstort
i - in i
lijlllCE -'BETIBD Wttl
Situations Wanted Advcrtisemcnti Inserted
)! Twice Without Charge.
i i iii. "i-m n m i i i nmn i " i r ' 1 '
help wanted. BUSINESS DIRECTORY Tlir piMMf1'! lf? mioical.
IXARN "ltLEGRATHY ASD K. ft,
Asoouatlng. M to 1800 a month sal-
are assured eur frsduatss uadsr bond.
dot six eoftoola tha largest la Amsrka
and sadoraed by ail Railroads. Writs
for eatsJogus. MORS! SCHOOL OF
TELEGRAPHY, OaciBaaU, O, Buffalo,
!f. Y, Atlanta, Oa, U Crosse, Wis, Tax
arkaaa, Tex, Sea rraadaoo, OaL
LAWKS ONLY RKAD THIS If you
honeotly l-h to make money, and
will eanvaa the women of your local
ity, w have the artk-le for youj pat
ented; guaranteed, and great sellers)
send 50 cents for complete samples)
mosey refunded it Bt satisfactory.
Ramona Novelty Agency, Mohawk
Bldg, rortland, Ore.
WANTED: YOUNG MESj PREPARE
yourselves to fill th position that
will be created aa fsit as tb humerous
railnMdcomletrhirrxtensloat during
listOi Milsrie psid telegraph operator
) to H-'iO p-r month) we prepare you
at home by msil flrtt and you can enter
our school later, ssving 1 to 2 months'
board and tuition; write for our terms
today. Pacific Cuant School of Tele-
(jrsphy, IVrtland, Ore.
IDS BMT-miflSHID lOOMS.
E0R RENT 8 FURNISHED HOUSE
keeping rooms. 579 Commercial
ros SALX.
rOR SALE SECOND-HAND T COL-
nmn newepaper outfit; complete ax-1
9pt prtaa; cheap.. Inquire at tnis of
Ice,
FOR SALE CHEAP HORSE, BUO-
gy sad harness. Inquire Aatoriaa of-
lost akd rocva
15.00 REAVARD WILL BE PAID FOlt
the return of Chinee certificate No.
68.11)9 of AVong 8hee Moy, kxt about t
weeks ap. Return to Wing t hin llion,
ElKhth street
an; SIC TXACBXI.
MANDOLIN LESSONS GIVEN-MRS.
C D. Stewart, 127 Seventh street.
FOR tALI MiaCfLLAN fOUt.
SECOND BAND DONKEY ENGINES
for sale, aui table for logging and
aoisting purposes. For descriptioa sad
pries spply to F. D. Kusttaer, Astoria,
Oregoa.
The
Astoria
Restaurant.
GOOD, CLEAN
MEALS
EXCELLENT
SERVICE
OPEN ALL NIGHT
399 Bond St., cor. Ninth
"PaleBohemlan
Laser Beer"
THE
BEER
FOR
THE
HEALTHY
WEALTHY
AND
WISE
on draught and In bottlee
Brewtd lit anlunr eowlillms sad
prvpM'f sd right hert Is AstorUu
North Pacific
BrcivlnS Co.
ASTORIA, OREGON.
RIlTAUMNTt,
GUM VAH CO.
lestauraat
7l Aster St Astsria, Or.
All kises sf meats, Raodlss and Chop
Soay.
T0U POIHT 0YSTXI H0USX.
EastsrB sad BhoalwaUr Bay Oysters
Stsak. Chops, Ets,
Opaa day and alfht,
lit St, sett to ScuJlyH dgar tor
F1RST-CU83 MEAL
for 15o; eke) cake, oone, pie, or
ioogbnuta, 8c, at 0. 8. Restaur
mi 434 Bond St
BEST t5 CENT MEAL.
Yoa can always find the beet
lrcent meal In the city at tbe
Rising Sun Restaurant
612 CommerciaJSt.
LAUNDRIIi.
The Troy Laundry
The only white labor laundry In the
sity. Dees the beat work at reasonable
priese snd Is In every wsy wsrthy ef
your pstrseisg.
10th and DUANI Sts, Iffi
IKBROICFJRY LXSS0RS CIYUf
LESSONS IN HARDANCER ZM
breidary ia givsa by Mrs. Julius
Erkksea, 63 West Bosd street, Astoria,
for 25 easts per hour.
WOOD YARDS,
WOOD! WOOD! WCODI
Cert weed, still weed, sea weed, asy
kiad sf weed at lowest prices. KaOy,
tb tsa safer smb. Taos sifi Mala,
Bat a Twslftk, epeositt
kesse.
tahobiho.
B. MARTINSON
Fin merchant tailoring, Room S, ow
Cooper's store, K. of P. Building. As
toria.
FURNITURE.
ROBINSON fcillLDEBRAND
Goodman Bldg. 881 Csmmarclal 8t
UF.NITURE, Carpets, eedding
Steves, Matting, Window Shades,
LINOLEUM, kio.
BROKERAGE,
C. J. TRENC1IARI)
Rsal Eatate, Inauranee, Commissi
' and Shipping.
CUSTOM HOUSE BROKER.
Offioe 139 Ninth Street, Next te Juetles
Otnee.
ASTORIA. OREGON.
Smith Premier
is the simplest and strong
est ofall writing machines.
It does better work, does
it quicker,lasts longer,
and costs less in the long
run than any other type
writing machine. It is
The World's Best
Typewriter
Let as uni fot tur Ertlt book tilling
til sHout it. Typewriter supp lies, Ms
chiMt ttnui. etrnofripbtii fwnklwa.
The Smith Premier
Typewriter Company
t. fUlk ."t t lMl.Mll.1 I
Ifl"!
II. SI
VOUKINQMEN'S IWTEL
Good board and deaa beds.
Ntwly rsnovatad throughout.
L. R. Abercronbie
rrep.
Comer 14 th and Eirhang SU
(Kormsrly KsluUm House.)
PROFESSIONAL CAROi.
fHYtlCIANa.
JAY TITTLE, U. D.
PHYSICIAN AND BUH0E05
Astlng AaWaal saiaiss
C.a Maria BJssttal Bsrvts.
iMseeaottrai lit U a.nv I is :M M
ITT ObnatnasxiSjI Street, tad Floor.
DR. J. P. GORAY,
Specialist
ITS, III,
XOSt ARB TBBOAT
sos Oretoaisa Buildlag.
P0STURD
0SEG0R
oaTEORATHirra.
BR. BBODA C BICU
OSTBOPATn
Office IfanaeU Bid. Phone Black Ml
ITS Commercial BU A stoma. Ore.
DENTISTS.
DR. T. L. BALL,
0
DENTIST.
524 Commercial St Astoria Oreson.
Dr. VAUGIIAN,
DXKTUT
Pythian Building, Astoria, Or son.
Dr. W. 0. LOGAN
DE.YTJ81
171 CnmBMraal Hu Sbanshan Baildlnp
DR. C. W. BARR,
Dentist,
Uansell Building
Telephone Red 10GI Astoria, Oregon
SEASIDE DIRECTORY.
WIBU ABO LIQU0SS.
THB GEM
As up to lists resort for Geatlemen.
Choice Wines, Liquors and Cigars. Give
us e call and we'll do the rest.
0. E. UOltTEB, Prop, Sessida, Ore,
vIMv. eo veahs
V EXPERIENCI
Tnaoc Mamie
Dcarasia
CoavsiMMva Ac.
SfiTAM eimillni s .SMrii wi vm mm
mtrki. jHrifitfi oif eto. Umm mhmhm mm
liniMMrKtlrnSiiiiiiV. HlSOWWa m fumott
fnl It. itMfM Itm.ef fuf Hflo pWwila.
filwii. tknniiiS Muna A lu. rmifS
wrWI tvitUI. WllhnM .I"'... W IS.
Scientific American
A bsilitHrwrtj
nAtwmjIf ntfifltPattMl wawtlf. 1.1
I. in irBnf eV-MrtfiAr ytrnU, T
I fiitir laVmUsaV,
.rekt4 p.
eMieiiiin
AST I f II
rut W
nemaMipeUersA,
BtMMk OflKw. SB f It. Wsrtis.1. tt. U
M0BKIN0 A5T0BIAV
la on Sals In
Astoria at
J. v. GBirrars bookstore.
OTaifCEB'3 RIWS DEPOT,
0CCIDINT HOTEL OFHCI,
SCUUrS OTAR STORE,
JOS. JACOBS, CI0AK STORE,
ana
TBE AST0R1AH OFFICE,
Tsntb and Commsrdal Its,
iiiii imi
saV
THE
Dr. C. GEE WO
Cktsese
ntikizt Co.
Formerly located S&8
naat live vcaraHAVE P
atOVIl) lata the
large brink paikliag
at lbs south-east cor
ner of first snd llorrlsoa Htraets. En
trance No. 183 front Bt
Soccessfttl Koss Treitctat
Df.0.O(S WO la baowa tbrouftMNil the
Oniwe SialM, sn Is ella Um Unstt CliUw
lm.uf oa senxtnt of bis vosOarftil mumt
witlmtil Ik. .14 of a a BIS. wllluMi man
(werararornr klad. Ms IrwIeMy
tut all at m. with powerful rlanuU rM
HK kmtkm, sod vataelM ttost are
known to nwSlml wUu. im liil. hum.
sn4 Uwouch ih. ms sf Umn haraslaa lease T
dMsaeauarsaiMlasura L''
Cat, Annrns, Xm TreoHs, gJiiaaHtiiai.
Nsrviassiss. Saasaaca, User. Kissey, rmak
Wssassss sad al Cleesse Dassssa.
HI or wrlif. eaetaalss 1 Ym stsntMRw
iliisesooa sseelmiltf, Arm,
IN C 0 Wee CMsss lndks C
Ne. W ts ..rsl Sl It Cm. slusi.s
Meatlos this fwH,.-
HOTELS.
HOTEL PORTLAHD
PORTLAND, ORE.
Finest Hotel I the Northwest.
LICK
tsa Francisco leading eoa
toltflca sad famll hotel
centrally located. Coa
anient to all car lines, and
place of amusement and is
tercet. Cafe and Grill at
tacked. Rates I LOO per day
endup. 8 tract cut direct to
hotel (rots and to all depot
HOUSE
Saa Frxnclsco, CtL
8
This is ike
kind of a
Sioty for
wklckike
NATIONAL
MAGAZINE
is pacing
mooo
f TOO DIWCUIT
i s rwntnM. aw. ms aw rW4.
I MwmS frtm MS gnaw tptoHw m
mimM mt mmtff $ tm mtmimpimm, t
rW4 SWH MM IMS Ml SM MM Kl M. Mil,
mrwirmms mm .. tmipam H
tutf.
1 rtil.lfniiilwwsnii Mt
um .1 . ftw i ui. tfaii.. tir. ;.
i.f i ... t.uim knkal wtt M i us
r,,iij ii.
"i.ii i. .i,r Mm. iimt mn4, Awmt r.
"1Mt I, MMI ItHi ' !l d.m " ..I, M. Ji w-
r.lnlir ll na I MM klt
Do
ltnow of
atetier one
Wswtnt lUtl. stnrlM. smcdotM, Uts cl
i-.nr ciipin iriim IKtp.tar,
auiiM or buuk UuU lu and. juu
Think, Lauh or Cry
t.a pritei will bs given far Ih bnrt t.Vr
tiun. Ye pll. tihnt dulUn aihigh
si Hi. HrM Ira sscoulid Copl iuxt us
the Sr.1 iniih
TMnaly tonSlliaa for snterliig ttilienov
itttn I that roa tend with nmrcliDMiui
i. Itw . i mnniht' in. I tutoctiutKm
(e tl Nsttoaol Maoul, AdOim,
JOE CIIAPPLE, Editor
tet DOBCBCBTTK AVENVX,
t
8'