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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (July 31, 1905)
3, "MONDAY, JULY 31, Wi- THE LOKNING ,STGUIAN ASTORIA, OKKGCW of Childrea's Strap Sandals js complete. ; Let Little People Have Foot Comfort 3M Patent Leather Strap Sandals, sizes 2 to 5 , COc " ; . "5 1.2 to 8 &5c " 8 1-2 to It $1.10 '! " 11 1-2 to 2 1.35 (i (i it i it it. Vici Kid Sandals, turned soles, sizes 8 1-2 to 11, $1.10 V-' ; j ; " H 1-2 to 2, 1.35 Wherity, Ralston & Company The Leading Shoe Dealers. Some Breezu , . Kicker 'Items First National Bank of Astoria, Ore. KHTAIILISIIKD 1HM. Capitol and Surplus $100,000. J. tt A. HOWt.Bf . rr(dnt O. L rKTalUHlN.. VlernsMeol FRAKE PATTOX, C.hlr t Astoria Savings Bank Capital Paid In lioo.ooo. gurpluiutrn1ltilll,ro(lu lvntt). lraarta 0orl Bukl Buiom. loterwl lltl on Tin DtpoclU 163 Tn(h tire. ASTORIA, OREGON. What Has Been Going on In thi Neighborhood of Give, dun Gulch. . IT I generally believed la Gram Valley that the city clerk of that town, who but been missing for three weeks, ban been devoyed by a boar, a lie waa last aeen la the company of one. 1 We learn that a man from Indiana la about to start a paper at Tine II til. where fix different editors Lave been allot or run out within two years. We congratulate blin ou being either a foal or a brave man. The party wbo came. along the afreet at midnight the other night and burled a rock through our bedroom window Jgpfeg'p mi bi Ltvpti) orr without lsatiko bib in the postofllce must bave been a stranger In town. We were out of bed and hud put a bulli-t into oue of bla iK iH-fon- he bad gat bla mouth puck ered up t laugh. He limped off with out leaving bis card. JUST A MOMENT! f f I 1 I ff .a; i ot Jt : We 'haven't anld anything lately re garding our ambition to bo the next president of the United Mtafes, but we are, keeping up a lot of thinking all the time and ahull be in evidence when the time come. Nothing Is too tall for us. ,,. We have been postmaster, of the tows for almost three years and bave been working bard all that time, and yet It was only the other day that we got the windows of the old building clean enough to see through and found a clean spot ou the floor. Uncle 8am is Industrious, but not proud. Mr. George II. Sheaver, the popular gunsmith of Rose Valley, denies that his wife baa eloped, as stated In our inioe last week. All right. George. If you succeeded In beading her off, that la your good luck, and we congratulate you. Our Informant probably took the will for the deed. Old Jim Ilewsnn, wbo was caught In a snowsllde near Dog Creek last win ter and held fast for four days, has in vented and Is now making use of flfty six new cuss words, none of which are leas than four Inches long. It takes a calamity to make aome men do their best A keg of printer's Ink wblcb waa on Ita way to us from Chicago waa stolen from the freight bouse at Lone Jack the other day by balf breed Indians and eaten up for molasses. There were five persons In the plot, and all of them bave gone up Into the b I He to take a vacatlou and rest np after their ardnoua labors. ' As mayor and postmaster of the town wa must now and then take a bluff In order to maintain our dignity, but as plain Jim Ilellso we own a mule which can "beat anything In the weat on 9 balf mile track, and we'll bet on It Fifty bushels of onions came Into town yesterday along with fourteen barrela of whisky, and for the next two weeka our sanctum will be kept locked against the generai public. Any oue breathing through the keyhole must take his chaucea of being ahot In the bead. The Lone Jack Recorder chargea us with killing thirty-eight men since we established the Kicker and asks why we are permitted to live on and swag ger around. In the first place, aa the Recorder man could easily bave ascer tained, the number of men we bave bad to lay away in self defense la only fourteen, and In the next we are per mitted to live on because no one cares to undertake the Job of disposing of ou. Editor Joseph Brayton of the Pine III11 Banner called ua a liar over the telephone the other day. We shall ride over to Tine IIIII some day next week. and we'll bet fit) to a cent that Editor Joseph Brayton can't be found within five miles of bla office as long as Wt stay in town. M. QUAD. a I I f i f 1 i i ' I 1 A ' i .if ! J We , Want to Talk to You ABOUT BOOK BINDING " We do it in AH the Latest and Best Styles of the Art. . . . . We take your Old Magazines that you have piled away on your shelves and make Handsome Books of them fit to grace any library. We take your old worn out books with the covers torn off f rebind them and return to you good as any new book . Let us figure with you on fixing up your ' Library ' & v ',' Pay Makers of All Kinds of Books Corner Commercial- and JOth Street Coatradteorr. llttls SJIth had a habit. Habit vrr bad. Known, to make It brlaf, aa "mussinc" Evsmhttur she had. X4ttl Eaith thouaht her mamma Inconstitant qiitte "8ys I muss and then I musan'tr Said ths punled sprit. Nw Qrlenns Ttmti-PemocraA A Considerate Fellow 1 Wa Inventor Fixot "TTIERE goes Ftxem, the celebrat- I ed luveutor." I "Who? That little man across the street V "Yes. The one wttb the dent In his bat, Did you ever bear about bla con sideration for his wife?" "No, but of course he would bo kin J to her." "Sure. But she complained be staid out so late at night and caused her to lose aleep waiting up for him. So he invented a phonograph attachment for the clock so that every hour after mid night it would recite for fifteen min utes: 'John Henry "Flxem, this Is a pretty time of night for a rrspeetable pcrsou to be coming home! Where In this world have you been? Don't tell me that I know you haven't been at the office. If you ever dare to come heme this way again I shall go home to my mother. What will the neigh bors say?" And a whole lot more like that."-Ch!cngo Tribune. ar K Astorian Building v- M ft. Shrswd More. Mrs. Fox-Great news! George Is en gnged to Miss Roxley. Mr. Fox-What! Our son engaged to Miss Roxley? I must object! Mrs. Fox Nonsense! Are you out of your mind? Mr. Fox-Not at all. but if we don't kick little the Roxleys will think we dou't amount to much, and they'll prob ably call It all (Jff.-Cathollc Iptandurd and Times. Hopeless Caaa. Mr. Snpphedd Charles Hlroll has actually disgraced his family by going into trade. Miss Sulfuric Let me see. He bad already committed forgery, embetzle ment and oue of two other things, had be not? Mr. 8apphedd Tes. Miss Sulfuric Well what could yon expect of a fellow like that? Pittsburg Post BavUsc It VBdrt4. "Tea." taid the handsome young man, "I will be your husband, but- ut"- If you know good clothes and proper treatment and ; up-to-date methods you are already a "WISE" customer BUJ If you are not yet wise get wise and trade with L ermai Astoria's "RELIABLE" Clothier. Wise 'Mo not say that I must not expect you to love me." "No. I wasn't going to say that I merely desire to inform you that yon must not expect me to call you 'Baby' In public." Chicago Record-Herald. Xotblac Dola. "Now that 1 have sold you a policy." said the Insurance agent "I will make you an interesting proposition. Give me some letters of Introduction to people you know and I will give you half my commission on every one of them I land." "My dear man." cried the new policy holder, "I haven't an enemy on earth."' -Newark 'ewa. are t Oct Hvate, playing the races. Dlx How's that? HIx-He always sewa his carfare np In the lining of bla coat-Brooklyn Eagle. r The taw of Orartty. "Tes," said Tom, "she accepted me, but I tell yon the thought of proposing to her made my heart sink. I couldn't help thinking. 'Suppose she should re ject me.'" "Ah! It waa the gravity, of that thought that made your heart sink." Philadelphia Press. Hlx Darby 'has a great system for Larlnar Bias Oa. " Servant tat sweet girl's boudoir) Mr. NicefcHjw la In the parlor, miss. Sweet Girl (throwing down a novel) Horrors! And my hair la all down I Tell him he'll have to wait a little, as I'm In the kitchen helping mother. London Tit-Bits. , HU Paaaile. "Shall I get you the shovel, Mr. Tightwad?" "What In the world do you suppose I want with a shovel. Jimmy?" "Sister said If you went with her you've got to get busy and dig up." Houston Tost.' His Flaaae. Willie had a savings bank: 'Twas made of painted tin. He passed It round among the boya. Who put their pennies In. Then Willie wrecked that bank and bought Sweetmeats and chewing gum. And to the other envious lads H never offered aome. "What shall we do?" his mother said. "It Is a aad mischance!" Bis father said. "We'll cultivate His gift for high finance!" -Washington 8 tar. The Astoria Restaurant. If you want a good, clean meal or if you t are in a hurry you should go to the Astoria Restaurant This fine restaurant is thoroughly up-to-date in every detail. EXCELLENT MEALS. EXCELLENT SERVICb J f AN ASTORIA PRODUCT J Pale Bohemian Beer Best la The Northwest I. I. North Pacific Brewing Co.