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About The morning Astorian. (Astoria, Or.) 1899-1930 | View Entire Issue (June 17, 1905)
SATURDAY, JUHE 17, 1905.
THE MORNINCI ASTOKIAN A STO R I A ,10 K EGON.
Rheumatism Cured Free
After year of xlK-iiiiifiilttiK l''VP formulated pa-le, whl.h when
applied 1o any iwitton of (Ik- body, .unVring from rliui.iU.n will Im
mediately relieve, and eventually iure the nnt -r-l.U-nt of rhcu
nmllHttt. If you are n mUleier ami among the flrt lo answer this an
......,.mn. will m vou. I.y tiM ''". ' 'l'rf "1
oil, .11 tlmt I aM In return, i.
' . .. ' .
cured) In eotreoiiiling Willi iriB.MTinr riipn.-imi-
WO TESTIMONIALS SOLICITED. 10 NAMES PUBLISHED.
AH tlmt N required I your ""'. address, full particular regarding
your rasa, accompanied by this offer, t
ASSOCIATED DRUG STORES,
Tim Morning Aslorlan.
AN ASTORIA PRODUCT
rale Bohemian Beer
Best In The Northwest
First National Bank of Astoria, Ore.
. i:staijlisiu:i 1880.
Capital and Surplus $100,000
Wl WANT TO DOUBLt
THE "HOW" Of IT
WILL INTEREST EVERYBODY,
WHETHER THEY NOW READ THE
PAPER OR NOT.
WE ARE GOING TO MAKE THE
MORNING ASTORIAN THE BEST
NEWSPAPER PUBLI8HED IN ANY
CITY OF ITS 8IZE- WILL YOU
TELEPHONE MAIN 661 and I WILL
CILL AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT
Emil H.ld Adv.rtiaing and Circula
THE MORNING ASTORIAN.
P. 8. If you liv. out of town writ,
for our plan.
the privilege referring lo yon (when
.1. - I.. ........ I.-...K1
Can Become An
Army or Navy
If you are persevering, moral young man, be
tween the sge of 17 and 35 year, possessing a
good common school education and panning the
necessary physical examination.
Further particular f four cents in stamp,
II. W. PHILLIPS, Louisville, Ky.
If you want a gooil, clean meal or if you
arc in a hurry you shouM
go to the
This due restaurant W thoroughly up-to-date
in every detail.
The Best Restaurant.
Regular Meals 25c.
Everything the Market Affords.
Sunday Dinners a Specialty.
Palace Catering Co.
Good That the Osier Die
turn Has Done
The htimorntia remark attributed to
Professor Osier that man reaches the
cllmux of hi power at fort and ut
sixty ought to be gently chloroformed
off Uw ntHgo bit done a world of good
even though, n Dr. Osier claim, be
did not really any tbl. Tbe alleged
aaylng baa ben printed throughout th
United Htate and Europe. In Kng
laud It hat stirred up an almost ex
citing dlculou. A London paper
point out Uiat now men will have a
trongT motive even than women to
keep young and conceal their age aa
tbry approach forty. To woman age
mean loa of physical attraction. To
men, according to the alleged Oalcr
dictum, It will henceforth mean "a
serious deprecation In their cab val
ue." The writer aaya, "If paU)g
forty la to knock a comlderable sunt
off a man'a living or perbapa to deprive
him altogether of a chance of earning
a living. I bave not tbe allgbteat doubt
that a great number of men will deem
It wtae to remain at thirty-two or aome
such age until they are too old to
aummon enough breath to gasp out tbe
lie." Good I Now let tbe masculine sex
aa well aa the feminine wake up to
the dlagraeef ulneaa of growing old. Tbe
notable point of the quotation from
the Engllab paper 1 that the article
from which It la taken waa written by
In Switzerland a German noblewom
an, Princess Gertrude Ibllipplne Alex
andra Mario Auguatlne Loulae Ton
baa failed for $15,000,000 and gone Into
bankruptcy. No wonder!
The recent antiquated vote on the
women taxpayera' bill In the New
Tork atate aenate ahowa It member
to bave reached that age where they
might with advantage be Ovlerlzed.
Nice clvlllted country thla! The limb
on which a negro waa tuynged In a
lynching aome time ago In a certain
locality baa been cut from tbe tree and
made into "little relic and curloa" by
an enterprtalng geulua who will aell
them aa aouveulra to all who wlah to
buy. Will the fair ladle of that region
presently be wearing thee, prectoua
ouvenlr attached to gold chain
around their anowy neck 7
"The funeral of Mr. Brown, widow
of Peter Fllklna Brown, will take
place Thursday at 11 o'clock at the res
idence of her son-lnlaw, Joseph Jen
kin Jonea, Esq." Poor "relict T Sbs
wa merely Peter Fllklna Brown'a
widow and Joaeph Jenklna Jone'
mother-in-law. In every atage of Ufa
ahe waa only an appendage to aome
man, not even allowed to have a name
of her own! One man'a widow, anoth
er man'a mother-ln-law-that waa all!
Really, la a woman anybody 1
Mr. Charles Warren Falrbanka,
wife of the vice president, makea pub
lic apeecbes, and excellent ones, too,
thus aettlng an example which other
women of high social and official na
tion will no doubt follow. In a recent
address to a woman'a club Mrs. Fair
banks aald: "I believe women ahould
eet an example of loyalty and patriot
lam In the horn. There la no better
way of abowlng your devotion to your
country than In helping to purify poli
tics. I am In favor of politics for wo
men." t at
Lately a millionaire fell In love with
a telephone girl and married her. He
waa attracted to her first by her
"sweetly modulated voice" over tbe
phone. Thla la good newa. Now we
may hope that the present anatlve vo
calisation of aome of tbe other tele
phone glrla will become aweetly mod
ulated. at H
What a eight for goda and men It
must bave been General Llnevltch In
Manchuria passing along the lines of
bis army, kissing every soldier In the
Queer kind of upslda down, wrong
end foremost waya thla feminine world
hast At the time a woman needs to
brace up and aummon all her energy
and grit In the supreme effort to keep
young and maintain her activities, men
tal and physical, to the and of her days,
at that very time her own children
com around her and "begin to drive
nor out of life. She'a too old to do thla
or that, ahe needa rest, ahe need not
care any more how ahe looks or what
ah wears and at her age thla or that
thing la not proper for her. The pity
of it la that many a time the mother
let herself be governed by the crude,
aelflah Inexperience of her children and
actually give up all that makea Ufa
worth living at a time when her pow
era of body and mind are yet In their
prime. It la nothing short of a crime
for children thua to drive their moth
era Into dreary and uaeleaa old age. It
looks aa If the children were trying to
coddle and "shoo" their mother out of
the world Instesd of trying to keep ber
young and active. So, mothers, what
ever else you do that you ehouldn't
don't let your children bos you at any
Lhave. Just seen the adjertlsernent of
a flue aea'slde hotel conducted by "Mrs.
J. J. Blank & ftm." Good!
ELIZA APX'IIAflD CONNER.
Preparing the Case.
JOHN AT TWCXTT-rtva-aaBAKTA?.
BUCKWHEAT eaka and huI,
Doughnut boiled In area,
Ham and egg and cofTw
And great big whajln' plaoa
Of pie with Ma of ahort'nln'
And a dozen kind of aplce.
Of ronree 'taln't hygienic.
But It all fired nice.
Roust jKirtt and cabbage.
Gravy fiit and hot,
Cold boiled ham and plrkle
And of doughnuts another lot;
Nine kind of vegetable.
Three kind of pie.
Of courae 'taln't hygienic.
Hut. gosh, It llvln' high!
More pie to atart on,
With that there nli.-e rich cruit;
Biscuit hot and soggy
I eat till I 'moat bust.
Grn tea, good and (trong;
Irearvea and plcklea galor.
Of count 'taln't hygienic,
But 1 gueae I'll take 'more.
Jon r rosTT-nvs.
Rheumatl and Bright' dtaeaa.
Liyepepny and bad heart,
flight and heartn' both ain't good,
Meal are far apart
Pill and patent medicine
Now my diet role
WUh't I'd been hygienic
'Btld o' such a fool.
A tar. Car..
Jone Can you tell me how I can get
rid of that pain in my cheat and that
awful tired feeling?
Doctor Tea. Have your wife take a
course In aome cooking school. St,
A Straace Loaa.
A dentist In a weatern town one day
had a tall, rawboned, corn fed young
woman of about twenty-five years of
age come Into bis office with tbe Infor
mation that ahe had to bave a "plum
new set of teeth." When the dentist
came to examine ber mouth be found
that she waa wearing a peculiarly 111
fitting set of tipper false teeth, and he
aald to ber:
"What dentist ever made auch ill fit
ting teeth as these for your
"Oh, them ain't mine," waa the reply.
"I J let got the loan of them for this
morning off my aunt" Llpplncott'a
A Hater OU Saa.
Scene: A garrison town. Time: Sun
act Old Visitor (startled aa the gun la
fired at unet Dear me! Whafa
Native Oh, If a only sunset
Old Visitor Why, doea your aun set
ber with a bang like that? It goes
down quietly enough at our place.
" Teep mourning for a widow mean
a heavy crap veil and all that, doean't
"And what doea second mourning
"Well, that usually means she's look
ing for a second. "-Catholic Standard
Bacon Did yon ever get anything on
the installment plan?
Elbert Yea; I got my household that
way. First I got my wife, then ber fa
ther and mother, and now I'm getting
her brother and sisters. Yonkera
As RaraBd. '
Patient Look here, doctor; jou said
If I took a bottle of your tonic I would
hsre a remarkable appetite. Why, I
only eat one soda cracker each week.
Doctor Well, don't you call that a
remarkable appetite? Chicago Newa.
"Down In tbe mouth."
New York World.
DMat Get Kleeed.
"If I waa a man I'd like to play po;
ker with Jack Handsome. He'a so eas
"How'a that?" '
"I told him I'd be angry last night If
he kissed me." Houston PoL
What Li!e Freddie
Knew About Fiures
FREDDIES wa a bright boy and
at seven years of sge was well
grounded in the rudiments of
mental arithmetic. It was tbe delight
of bl father to try to puzzle blin with
txertfae of bl own Invention.
One afternoon In aunimer be swooped
down upon poor Freddie as he waa
playing and, setting him upon his knee,
attempted to "show off" bis brilliant
son for the benefit of a visiting friend.
"Now, Freddie," he said, "how much
is two plus two?"
"Four," grudgingly admitted Freddie,
gazing after bis bappy companions on
"Well, If I gave you two apples and
two plums bow many would you have?"
"Four," said Freddie, beginning to
"Four what?" asked bis father, tak
ing a firm bold of tbe squirming young
ster. "Four," obstinately repeated Freddie.
"Four what?" Instated bis father.
"You can't go till you tell me."
Freddie flashed a dlaguated look upon
his parent "Four stomach aches, If
you must know!" be aald and waa gone.
-St Louis Bepubllc
Utile la Maea.
In a email provincial town the clerk
to the magistrates Is much addicted to
legal phraseology, and tbe rustics
brought before the bench are often
quite aghast when tbey hear their of
fenses set forth In legal diction.
Not long ago a man bad struck his
neighbor, wbo bad summoned him for
tbe offense, and when tbe case came
before tbe magistrates the clerk read
the Indictment as follows:
"That you. Edward Jones, willfully
and with malice aforethought and pre
pense did assail, attack. aasaulL beat
batter or otherwise maltreat one Wil
liam B., with Intent to do tbe aald Wil
liam B. bodily harm, mischief or Inju
ry, contrary to tbe statute In auch case
made and provided."
"Are you guilty or not guilty?" asked
"What! Doln' all that?" exclaimed
the astonished offender.
"Yes; guilty or not guilty V
"Why, I only punched Bill'a 'edr-
The Oae Ezecptlaa.
"Yes," said tbe voluble crank, "I
used to be aa bad as you, but I made
op my mind to quit smoking, and I did
"Indeed," remarked Puffer. "I guess
a man who can quit smoking could
quit almost anything."
"Except talking about lt"-Cathollc
Standard and Times,
Bat Maea ta It
"No," aald tbe doctor, n can't make
anything out of his case at all It
"Why," replied his wi?e, "I thought
It was only a almple cold."
"Exactly. That'a why I can't make
anything out of It" Philadelphia ledg
er. -LOW EXCURSION KATES.
Via Baltimore and Ohio Railroad.
Via Baltimore and Ohio Railroad.
From Chicago to Asbury Park, N. J., and
return, $21.35. Tickets good going June
29, 30, July 1 and 2, valid for return un
til August 31 by extension.
Stop-over at New York, Philadelphia,
Baltimore and Washington.
Through sleeping cars to Asbury Park.
Baltimore and return, $18.
Ticket good going July 2, 3 and 4.
Valid for return until August 31, by
extension. 1 Stop-over at Washington.
The only line that operate through
trains. Send for circulars to Peter
Haway, Pacific Coast Agent, San Fran
B. N. Austin, G. P. A., Chicago
Consult your nearest ticket agent for
Dying of Famine.
is in its torments, like dying of con
sumption. The progress of consumption
from the beginning to the very end, is
it long torture, both to victim and
friends. "When I had consumption in
its first stege," write Wm. Myers, of
Cearfoss, Md., "after trying different
medicines and a good doctor in rain,
I at last took Dr. King's New Discovery
which quickly and perfectly cured me."
Prompt relief and sure cure for coughs
cold, sore throat, bronchitis, etc. Pos
itively prevents pneumonia. Guaranteed
at Chaa. Rogers drug tore, price 60c
and $1.00 a bottle. Trial bottles free.
THE ILLINOIS CENTRAL.
Maintain unexcelled service from the
west to the east and south. Making
close connections with trains of all
transcontinental lines, passengers are
plven their choice of route to Chicago,
Loulaville. Memphis and New Orleana.
and through these points to the far
Prospective travelers desiring Infor
mation aa to th lowest rates and best
routes are Invited to correspond with
the following representatives:
B. H. TRUMBULI Commercial Agent,
142 Third St., Portland, Ore.
J. C. LJNDSET, Trav. Passenger Agent,
142 Third St., Portland. Ore.
PAUL B. THOMPSON. Pass'gr. Agent
Coleman Building, Seattle, Wash,
- A hoii of twine at the Lewi and
Clark exposition i an lari a a small
cottage, and Is composed entirely of
twine halls and hemp. The roof 1
thatched with hemp, and hemp curtain
hang over the window.
A small car wrich contain 25,000
pound of copper from a Wyoming mine,
is exhibited at the Lewi and Clark fair
to how the great rishness of the Wyom
any case of
can do more.
WAS 6IYEI IIP TO CIS.
B. Spiegel, 1204 N. Virginia St.,
EvansvUle, lad., writes: "For over fir
years I was troubled with kidney and
bladder affections which caused me much
pais and worry. I tost flesh and was all
run down, and a year ago had to
abandon work entirely. I had three ol
the best physicians who did mo no good
and I was practically given op to die.
Foley's Kidney Cure was recommended
and the first bottle gave me great relief,
and after taking the second bottle I waa
TWO SIZES, SOc AID $L(KL
CHAS. ROGERS, Druggist
Beginning June 12.
Matinee daily at 2:30 p. m.
OTTO FLECHTL'S TRYOLEAN
In English and German Warbling Es
pecially. THE SCAFFORD'S GOAT
THE MUSICAL THORS
The Famous European Virtuoso
KELLY AND DAVIS
The Greatest Commedians in America.
THE SISTERS PERLE AND DIA
MANT Parisian Singers and Dancers.
Novelty Contortion Dislocation Act
Pictured Melody, "What The Band .
"Frills How Jonea Lost His Roll."
Admission 10 cens. Reserved Front
Rows 20 cents, Matinee 10 cent
Evening, First Show, 7:30 and 9 P. M.
First Show at 7:30 sharp.