WITH BOGUS PISTOLS
WET
and Dairy Produce
of all kinds wanted. Wrlu for our
CASH OFFER
Pearson-Page Co.
INSTANCES OF THIEVES HAVING
BEEN SCARED OFF.
OULTRY
SECOND-HAND MACHINERY
Bought ,nd chanired; ena-ines, baling
tawmllla. etc. Bend for 8tock List and Price.
THE J. E. MARTIN CO 83 Ut Bt.. Portland. Or.
OPPORTUNITY IS HERE
TO LEARN CHIROPRACTIC. Cmbj Ran,.
icax Cakejndk Urn 411 C iwmHi Bafc, NroM Ora,
The Erudite Druggist
"Why was Solomon considered se
wise?"
"Well, he learned the drug business
wben be was young. After that be
could answer any question pro
pounded." Old Habits.
"I think our new butler must havt
been a baseball umpire once."
"Why so?"
"He's dusting off the plate with a
wbiskuroon."
Now Suffrage Hat Come.
Lawyer (In equal suffrage state)
Don't worry, the Jury Is sure to dis
agree. Prisoner" But are you certain?
Lawyer It's Inevitable; two of the
Jurors aie man and wife! i'uek.
Up a Tree.
Mrs. Bird (late from suffrage meet
ing My! I hope I can get In without
waking hubby!
Mr. Bird (late from the club) Gee!
I hope I can get In without waking
wifey. Chicago News.
DAISY FLY KILLER CSTK
ai.. r.rt. cl.-n.e,-
cU.p. lasts all
mrBUl. con.rulriit.
cesoa. M.de cl
evert wU a .1 t :tlor
Inlure anyihia.
ts'4 fey utUn. at
'at I r .tamta..
lXaoLOtOMXaxmiCal!! At araolira. M.
nr I prr losses suruy prevented
111 AI.H bT CsMer's Bll.tbf nils. Low.
J L4Z V AA prlewl, fmh. rIU!l; prrf.rml
wrtUjm lUx-an-a bciu fllejf '
W n tt aliers atlitr .aKlstt fail.
I Ml Wrlta for bookl-l srw ttaiminHlt.
I . 1.1 ! 10-eoM skia. starlit Pilli $1.00
""VJ tO-iaw kii. Blscklts Pllli 4.00
any lni-t,tr. but dinar's tw-t
The nparlrrltr of Cutur erii-ldcti u io rrr II
fart of apArtallrln In SMlee aaa strews esly.
l"Mlt an Cutter'!. If niiM.hu'. I. nr-Ur rtlrtn.
THE CUTItH LABORATORY, tirktlty, Calllerala
What He Weighed.
Tat How much do yet weigh,
Mike?
Mike Ol weigh 175 pounds.
Pat Vou must a' got weighed with
your coat on.
Mike An' 01 did not. Ol held It in
me arras all tha time. Magazine of
run.
Too Much Publicity.
"I disapprove of the senate having
secret sessions. I favor the utmost
publicity for everything."
"I did; but slnee the new gowns
enme out, I think the women are'go
Ing a bit too far."
To Get Even.
Glbbs Have you decided where you
will go this summer?
Plbbs No; my wife always waits
until soma neighbor with a grudge
against us recommends the worst spot
oj the continent
Expensive, Though.
Peck My wife's will Is law.
Heck So Is my wife's; but occa
sionally I can bribe her not to en
force it.
Celluloid wings for aeroplanes that
are said to be so transparent as to be
Invisible 300 feet in the air have been
Invented by a German engineer.
Long and short coats will ba accept
able this fall, says a fashion hint.
Even a medium length one will suit
us on a cold day.
Another tip Is that formflttln
ults ara going to ba It for tha men.
Some of us will bava to reform our
forms.
Less quicksilver was produced In
the United States last year than In
any year sinca 1860.
Takes "Grit" to Wm
This really means
keeping the system full
of vim and vigpr, the
blood pure and the
general health good,
all of which must come
from perfectly digested
food, and liver and
bowel regularity. This
is an especially good
reason why you ehould
try
HOSTETTER'S
Stomach Bitters
9, N. U.
No. 14, 1114
WHKN wtIUm a
papar.
HHP
Trick la an Old One, But Seldom
Falls of 8jcces Prank of New
York High 6ehool Boys That
Looked Serious.
Recently Solomon Berman of Man
hattan scared Into flight two thieves
who entered his store by pointing bis
Index linger at them and fooling them
Into supposing that he had a revolver.
It Is an old trick and yet It succeeds,
Just as the confidence man can al
ways sell a gold brick to a farmer
who never heard of Hungry Joe.
A short time ago river thieves
boarded a tug moored along the Hud
Bon and attempted to enter the cap
tain's cabin and secure money and
valuables from a small safe he had
there. The engineer of the little boat
heard tha thieves, and creeping up
out of the engine room called: "Halt!
Who's that? Halt, or I'll Are!" At
the same time he ran around tha side
of the cabin with a dipper handle.
Not until the thieves got ashore did
It seem to occur to them that there
couldn't have been a pistol In their
disturber's hand or ho would have
fired. When It camo to mind they re
treated to a safe distance, and then
shaking their fists at the grinning en
gineer cursed him profusely.
Over near Hunt's Point a few
months ago they had an amusing case
of cross "pistol" purposes. Several
dwellings had been robbed and every
body In the vicinity became suspicious
of tha slightest unusual movement
after dark. Two high school bnys
planned a masked holdup of a citizen
after dark. They held him up all right,
both presenting proper looking pis
tols with shining barrels. After the
citizen handed out all of his valuables
and whined abjectly that ha had
nothing mora the boys revealed them
selves. In a great rage the citizen then blew
a police whistle and a mounted offi
cer galloped up. The boys protested
they had only Joked with a neighbor.
The citizen declared they should be
punished. The officer was willing to
look lightly on tha affair until It was
pointed out that pistols bad been
brandished.
This made the matter serious. The
officer arrested the boys and took
from them tha weapons that might
bring them a term of years In prison,
so heavy Is tha New York penalty.
But when the pistols were exposed
the whole matter was dropped. The
pistols were first rate Imitations of
.tha real thing, only In this case they
could explode nothing mora dead
ly than a cap. New York Herald.
When Poisoned by Ivy.
After exposure to poison Ivy, the III
effects can often be warded off by
prompt removal of tha Irritating sub
stance. Vigorous washing with soap
and water, preferably using a hand
brush, and after that with alcohol,
will do this. This often prevents tha
111 effects, and often when the char
acteristic Inflammation has become
manifest It can ba reduced to slight
Intensity by tho same measure. This
cannot be done, however, after the Ir
ritation has become Intense; vigorous
washings ara Impossible and alcohol
painful. Witch hazel water, followed
by application of dusting powder, li
comforting. Salves ara not well borne
as a rule, and If tho poisoning bas
reached a stage not controlled by
these treatments. It Is best to have
professional treatment, as few. If any,
of the Innumerable domestic remedies
prove to be entitled to reliance.
Cat Led Him Home.
Smith and Jones met In tho smoke
end of a Pullman car one afternoon,
and during a gabfest Smith referred
to the town Into which be had Just
moved.
"The streets of the blooming burg,
ha eloquently described, "are the
crookedest of anything In that line
on the face of tha earth. You may not
believe It, but a couple of days after
we got there my wife had a cat that
she wanted to lose and told me to take
It over and leave It along the river
about a mllo distant Well, sir"
"I see, old pal." smilingly Interjected
the other. "That's where you lost
the cat all right."
"You'va got another guess," re
turned Smith. "It I hadn't followed
the cat I would never bava found my
way back home.
Long and Merry.
A short II fo and a merry one! The
moat fallacious quip ever uttered.
Why need a II fo bo short to be mer
ry? ltuthcr make It a long and a
merry one. Thcro's more sweetness
In a dollar's worth of sugar than In
the lump or two that goes In tha cof
fee at dinner.
A long Ufa and a merry one, sanely,
Usefully, wholesomely merry. That
Is tho II fo. The other counterfeit
maxim camo when youth and folly
first tasted the quick dregs that coma
to those who try the short and merry.
A short life and a merry onel Bah I
There'! no such thing, unless It be by
accident the chance cutting off of a
life that was to have been a long
life and a merry one. Kansas City
Star.
Btnedlct'e Dilemma.
"You seem to ba having a struggle
over that letter."
"Yes; I want my wife to think 1
miss her, but I don't want her to get
to feeling so sorry for me that shell
bustle home." Kanras City Journal.
EMM
HIS ONE REDEEMING QUALITY
Bill Smlthers, Ugly, Bow-Legged Sim
pleton, Wars Most Beautiful Neck
ties Ever Created.
They had not met for many years.
Girlhood chums, their paths of life
had separated and wben they acci
dentally encountered one another, nat
urally they had many things to dis
cuss; mutual friends, etc
"By the way, Mamie," Inquired
Mary, "what ever became of BUI
Smlthers that ugly, bow-legged man,
who was such a simpleton that be
could not come In out of the rain?"
A frigid look overspread Mamie's
faco. With the hauteur that her sex
can display on needed occasions, she
freeziugly spoke:
"Madam, be Is my husband."
Poor Mary. What could she say?
Her fuce was scarlet and she worked
her brain overtime to say something
to appease her friend. This Is what
she managed to stammer:
"W-W-Well. Mamie, he certainly
did wear the most beautiful neckties
that I ever saw." Louisville Times.
The Other Way Around.
"There's a married brute for youl
1Mb wife stopped and gazed with long
ing eyes at the posters In front of a
moving picture show, but be didn't
offer to take her Inside."
"Don't be too hard on him. 1 hap
pen to know that his wife keeps the
family puree. She probably wanted to
see that picture, but was too stingy
to squander a dime."
She Knew.
"Mama."
"Yes. my son?"
"Does disarm mean to take away
ne's arms?"
"Yes."
"Well, I heard the minister and
Deacon Jones say they were discuss
ing papa. Docs that mean they were
taking his cuss away from him?"
"Tbey didn't, anyway, son."
Corrected.
"What's the trouble here?" asked
the policeman.
"This man called me a cheap face
icrnper." said the barber.
"Well?"
"I'd have him understand that I am
i physiognomical tonsorlal artist"
aid the barber with dignity.
Slight Mistake.
"I believe Fanny is making me an
tfghan," said the youth. "I was call
ing there last nlgbt and she was
working on It; but she wouldn't tell
me who or what It was for."
"She told me. It Is for you, but It Is
not an afghan. It's one of a pair of
tar tabs."
TESTS N0WA0AY8.
First Youngster Aw! you ain't so
many. I ain't never seen your plcturt
s having been curod of anything.
Second Youngster When you wai
sick last week I didn't see no bullotlni
up or any extras out
Departure From Custom.
"You say this part of the country It
unique?"
"It Is," replied Former Corntosscl,
"os a summer resort."
"In what respect?"
"Well, we haven't any cliff called
'Lover's Leap' nor any ridge known bi
The Devil's Backbone.' "
One Way.
'A young wife wants to know how
to got rid of ants," said tho Questloni
and Answers editor.
"Tell her to take ber meals out and
starve tbom to death," suggested th
second assistant city editor.
Knew What to Expect.
"Good heavens! Here It Is 1 o'clock
and I promised my wife I would bi
dome before midnight"
"You are In for IL"
"I'm afraid so. The domestlo weath
er forecast Indicates a storm followed
by a baavy shower."
, t -MUi, mil a,l ,,,'s- V.EZJf:;. L-! Htf I
he furnishes these free Blue-Prints, made up just special for
thft HiKA horn 1X7 a flmivn r ' K
. v v.i uunuilUJ.
It shows us how
"PORTER'S PERFECT"
Barn Equipment
M
will doubl. our barn and dairy afflclancy-malca our cow, healthy and ont.ntad-turn bam
Portar a Perfect Uarn Unnunt inl.l ,h. i... n.-Ii aY,o.-Sur"..Dr"
Toola manufactured.
WRITE FOR THESE FREE BLUE-PRINTS TODAY!
THE PROGRESSIVE BUSINESS COLLEGE
PORTLAND, OREGON.
There is a completeness and finish about our atudentV education that it bringing;
praiae from many of the leading business men of tho Northwest. The auprema
lest of a biistncja college is to satisfy the hard-hended men of the business world.
V do. Write for literature which will truthfully tell you all you want to know
All students making application before Sept. 6. will net the advantage of the K per month
rate. Bright and diligent atudenu complete our course in three monlhaT
How It Worked.
"Did you ever try to open one of
those railroad car windows?" linked
tho Puterson man.
"ilh.'yes," replied the I'nssnlc man.
"Well, how did you make out?"
"V,'e, 1 took one of those axes from
the BlujiS core, you know?"
"Yes, and you broke the window
op"n?"
"No, but I broke the ax, all right."
Yonkers Statesman.
Dusting.
Mrs. Florin had a new maid, and
ono morning as she entered the li
brary she wns somewhat surprised to
find the girl seated in one of the
chuirH with her hands folded.
"What!" cried the mistress. "Hero
you are slttlnn down! Why, you were
sent in here to dust the room!"
"Yes, ma'am," was the Klrl's reply,
"I have lost the duster, and so I am
sitting on each of the chairs In turn."
Harper's Magazine.
Sunlight Intensified
!? Reflectian from Oi-rnn IVaih snrl
De rt hand unrelieved by Foliage. Winds
and Mineral Laden, I'm-onous Dut, all
bring Kye Troiililea in their wuke Urnnu
latcdT Eyelids, Ucd, Itching, Burning, Tired
nd Watery Kyes, Impaired Vision ami
Kve l'ain. Itelialile ifelief is found in
Murine Kye Ki-medy, Mild and UnrmlcM.
If you Wear Glsea, Try Murine. Doesn't
Smart. Feels Fine. Acta Ouickly. In an
Kve Tonie compounded by Oculists net a
'''stent Medicine" but used in successful
l'liviitiins' l'ni.-tire for many yearn. Now
dedicated to the l'ulilie and sold at
K Per Bottle. Murine Eye 8h1v In
Aseptic Tulxn, 2.- and 60c. Sold by
Druggists. For liooks, writs to Murine
tje lleuedy Co, Chicago.
Fatal Disease.
A young painter who had Just fin
ished a picture Insisted upon a friend
calling; to see It
"Thfcre, now," enthused the artist,
"you see my new picture. What's
the matter with that?"
"I don't know," replied the bored
friend, "but I should say It was a case
of art failure." National Monthly.
DON'T ITCH! USE RCSINOL
Just put on a little of that soothing,
antisaptio reslnol ointment and tie
li clilng and burning stop at once. Soon
all trace of eczema, prickly heat, poison-Ivy,
poison-oak, or other torment
ing skin trouble is gone. Fine for
baby's skin. Every druggist sells res
lnol ointment and reslnol soap. Pro
scribed by doctors for 19 years. Adv.
The Proverb Trite.
"Man' Is a worm," the preacher snlth,
As often we bave heard.
Ab, yes! and he might nlno add,
"Woman's the early bird."
New York Sun.
"Man Is a worm," hn spenUclh true,
He gets It from the Hook,
And thnt Is why poor mortal man
bo often gets the hook!
IF YOU'RE GROUCHY
It Is likely that your liver needs stir
ring up. Wright's Indian Vegctablo
Pills will set you right quickly. Adv.
I love tho soda fountain boy.
With his cut glass that clinks,
Hut 1 would love him better if
He didn't mix my drinks.
Many of the forest fires nttrllmled
In railroads are caused tint by sparks
fniin locomotives, but by rlgar and
rlKarettn butts thrown from siiiuklug
car windows.
An express train traveling from
Nice to Mncon, Franco, was beaten
by 12 minutes by nu caiilo, which
raced It for 18 miles.
Putnam Fadeless Dyes arc the
briithtcat and fastest.
A Maine town has built a concrel"
watering trough for horses that in
flunked by high walls to shield an I ;
mals using It from sun, wind and '
storm.
Well-known sayings of unknown '
mon: "Them kind hus camo to stay." !
The age of sex equality mny be here, ,
but the wives frequently decline to '
support their busbanda. I
' " a' ""ncniona. Feevl and LitUr Carrlert and
If vou fleura on hnllHtn .
not .i,n..r. ..; Vi.-... ,r"
d.u.r..,.n7 mi 7U """I". "
sui in w",
Whether yon Bairn on bnlldlne a narn toon
not. nail coupon lor His r'KKE BAKN KO.UIP-
AKN
1
OttE
Oldest and Lanruat Independent
iiuieiaian 01 r arm Mai n in
ery in ttit I'acinc Norlhw
1 ataa i.fariiai ihn
Northern Illiteracy.
Unless we can find soino means of
stimulating the campaign against il
literacy It is merely a mutter of time
when the positions of the north and
tho south will chungo places with re
gard to that question. The manager
of the Industrial league, with hend
fiuarters In New York, announces that
the percentage of adult illiterates In
that state has not decreased In the
lust 20 years. The stato hH stood
still more persistently than any other
In the union In this respect. Connec
ticut and New Jersey follow closely
upon Its record. According to the
league's bulletin, "tho south Is far
outstripping the north in Its efforts
to deal with the problem of Illiteracy."
While tho percentage Is still greater,
it Is bplng cut down from a quarter
to a half every decade. The south'B
population Is more homogeneous and
more responsive at least to primnry
educational Influences. Boston Tran
script. 1R87
TO
1914
iOLMES BUSINESS COLLEGE
The school that gela you a
ruud position.
Thousands of Graduates
NONE IIII.K I
FREE INFOKMATION I OLDEST
W aahlngtonKhhS UAfVc DU
roltTLAND. OWE. I MUULKN
27th
YEAR
Her Right Number Was 4s.
Uenn was much excited over the
prospects of a cumpmeetlng thnt was
about to tnko place In lier neighbor
hood. For weeks she bad been pre
paring gay and gaudy feathers for the
array, and now her outfit was com
plete save a pair of much desired pat
ent leather slippers. She approached
her mistress:
"Mis' Ford," she said, "I sho' wants
to git a pair o' slippers fo' de nieetln'
commences, an' I ain't got a single
cent lef."
"What size do you wear. Bona?"
asked her mistress.
".Mali right numbnh Is fo'," she re
plied, "but I has to wenh sebens,
'causo fo's burls me dat bad I jes
natehurly can't hardly walk." Wo
mun's Homo Companion.
We all would love the plasterer.
Who makes the walls so slick.
If ho were not so much inclined
To lay It on so thick.
'. ho big game season Is on. T. It.
Is after the tammnny tiger and the
g. o. p. elephant nnd the government
Is ufter tho loan tdmrkn.
Grave Danger
AWT
mt m Name
Blood is Disordered
Little Causes Develop Worst Kind of Trouble Nor
Danger if Blood is Fortified.
Tho niooJ if Purified With C. S.
TVre are sn manr reasnna h ererynne
Should ,,k ,e t,Unl f-T liinllh that tlie
artl.,0 of S. H. K. aa a purlili r ami priwrirr
Is of iiarammint linporinnie. Wo nenl so
ouirh ftMiil, ao murh f,iyain, an tnurli arster,
all ,'f which In rluht iriiiiiril,.ii malninlii
nutrition. Hut tho liver, H.lu.'rs, Inn tm.
kin anil hnwrls must all work In eo-otiern-live
harni"iir In ronvart the Intake and
ripel It after It lis aervril lis puru'iae of
rearnorat'na; the tlsam-a anil eella of the
Anil this tinxi'se Is reiinlrd every
ifw aer-inils tlirniiKhout life. Now. aa It
tsiiprns Willi moat people, III IkkIv does
not epp all the waste anil It remains a
(leslrmtlre InflueDre to produce caisrrh,
rlieuinatlsm, bolls, emiitlona and a mrrlai
if trouhha ri'tuKuUcU aa tha result v(
polsoneil lilnnd.
Keniarkalile teatlmonlals have been writ
ten that proia hevuml nuesitoa there Is no
Blood disease but wuat iaa U cured by
III.'l'll)
mil
1
rhnr. h. , ,
Into real Dleanura
j .
"" .-u win
.Vur. """tins
inaihiuai plan
KO.IIIP-
ME NT
"SanA me wltkout
LOU.
bllaailnn nnat
whaterer rull Blue
nta uf Hkre ADDrnxtnut.
Send me Porter FRH8 Darn
EaulDOiant Catalogue.
Adrirexe
a
Known of Old.
"Ambassador Thomas Nelson Page,
like most married novelists, treat
married life in his books from the In
side, as It were," n Washington wo
man Baid on her return from Home.
"At a tea at the Kxcclsior, Mr. and
Mrs. Page had a ludicrous argument
over something or other; nnd, when
their misunderstanding wns satisfac
torily cleared up, Page said:
" 'This seems like a chapter that has
slipped out of a novel, doesn't It7"
'It seems,' Mrs. Page retorted,
'more like a chnpter that will alia
Into one,' "Louisville Courier-Journal.
SUCCESS-
Depends Upon Your Training
Our mui-flm In Short hum!, pn
mnrtHtiip. !tunintna Training and
Tjlficniihy will wjuip yuu fur m
uccMMful buimum. larewr.
FALL TERM SLTTLMHER 7.
BUSINESS COLLEGE.
Fourth Street, Near Morrison, Portland. On
We Guarantee Positions for All
Our Graduates.
Write 17s. No Trouble to Ana wee.
V
A Different Boy.
An Interesting event occurred In the
hotisehold of a scientific gentleman
who is a member of one of Uncle
Sam's chemlcul bureaus In Washing
ton. The gentleman himself wns hard at
Work in Ills home lllhnrntnrv ml.on lh..
news was brought to him.
"It's a boy," quietly announced the
physician, as ho stopped on the
threshold.
"All right, nil rlclit " nmllaro.t ,.
absent-minded cliemlnf n hn
over his work. "Kr oh ask him
what he wants, won't you?" Llpplnr
cott's Magazine.
YOUR OWN DRtinr.lST WILl TriL TOO
1 17 Murine Kye Iteinrily f,,r Itnl, Weak, Walary
KyraandOratmlale,! Kvrll.U; No Hmartllig
Jin.Kye Comfort. Write for lt,,a of Hie ly
by wall free, aturlue Kye KenirUr lo.Chiiagow
Obliging Disposition.
"Are there any bears In these
woods?"
"Not yet." replied tho resident. "But
we'ro going to ilo our best The next
time a circus cnines llirotich hero we
are going to take up a subscription
nnd buy a bear or two Just to satisfy
the summer hoarders."
It nil the Kuropean countries e
ccpt Russia tho sugar beet production
turn year a one of the greatest on
record.
if
S. Will Resist All Germ Infection.
S. R 8. And In sit these eaies that were
treated Willi niiTi'iiry, IimIUIc-s, arsenic. eoa
or and other nilnernls with no permanent
ffect, the most astoiilslilug revuvtrlea aara
ben mails ty H. H. H.
There tg tint a blood taint nf any nature
that ran remain In a arstem fortlfled bt
this most wontlerll remedy, for It la abso
lutely pure anil enntalna only thoao e la
ment that the blnd naturally ssalmllatea,
and which Ilia tissues gratefully accept.
It agrees with tha most delicate stomach,
rreq In those rases where the use of strong
drum has so weakened the dlirestlvs system
that niedlrlloe rnu not ba given. (let a
11.00 boll la of H. N. 8. st any drug store
and thus be assured of a comnleta rare f
ny ertiptlrs blood disease. If your aaa
Is tiecullar and ynu desire spedsl arte
vrita in the nwllt Kiieriae tV
Dtpt., UwUt Uldg., AUsata, Us.
Utl
WW ' 1
1 ar- h. m.
IJCr Wada 4 Co.
pr 323 Uawthorse g
Portland, Ore.
1 AlY 19.1 Usifhar
I
I
I
Bi J&i T Prl