WITH BOGUS PISTOLS WET and Dairy Produce of all kinds wanted. Wrlu for our CASH OFFER Pearson-Page Co. INSTANCES OF THIEVES HAVING BEEN SCARED OFF. OULTRY SECOND-HAND MACHINERY Bought ,nd chanired; ena-ines, baling tawmllla. etc. Bend for 8tock List and Price. THE J. E. MARTIN CO 83 Ut Bt.. Portland. Or. OPPORTUNITY IS HERE TO LEARN CHIROPRACTIC. Cmbj Ran,. icax Cakejndk Urn 411 C iwmHi Bafc, NroM Ora, The Erudite Druggist "Why was Solomon considered se wise?" "Well, he learned the drug business wben be was young. After that be could answer any question pro pounded." Old Habits. "I think our new butler must havt been a baseball umpire once." "Why so?" "He's dusting off the plate with a wbiskuroon." Now Suffrage Hat Come. Lawyer (In equal suffrage state) Don't worry, the Jury Is sure to dis agree. Prisoner" But are you certain? Lawyer It's Inevitable; two of the Jurors aie man and wife! i'uek. Up a Tree. Mrs. Bird (late from suffrage meet ing My! I hope I can get In without waking hubby! Mr. Bird (late from the club) Gee! I hope I can get In without waking wifey. Chicago News. DAISY FLY KILLER CSTK ai.. r.rt. cl.-n.e,- cU.p. lasts all mrBUl. con.rulriit. cesoa. M.de cl evert wU a .1 t :tlor Inlure anyihia. ts'4 fey utUn. at 'at I r .tamta.. lXaoLOtOMXaxmiCal!! At araolira. M. nr I prr losses suruy prevented 111 AI.H bT CsMer's Bll.tbf nils. Low. J L4Z V AA prlewl, fmh. rIU!l; prrf.rml wrtUjm lUx-an-a bciu fllejf ' W n tt aliers atlitr .aKlstt fail. I Ml Wrlta for bookl-l srw ttaiminHlt. I . 1.1 ! 10-eoM skia. starlit Pilli $1.00 ""VJ tO-iaw kii. Blscklts Pllli 4.00 any lni-t,tr. but dinar's tw-t The nparlrrltr of Cutur erii-ldcti u io rrr II fart of apArtallrln In SMlee aaa strews esly. l"Mlt an Cutter'!. If niiM.hu'. I. nr-Ur rtlrtn. THE CUTItH LABORATORY, tirktlty, Calllerala What He Weighed. Tat How much do yet weigh, Mike? Mike Ol weigh 175 pounds. Pat Vou must a' got weighed with your coat on. Mike An' 01 did not. Ol held It in me arras all tha time. Magazine of run. Too Much Publicity. "I disapprove of the senate having secret sessions. I favor the utmost publicity for everything." "I did; but slnee the new gowns enme out, I think the women are'go Ing a bit too far." To Get Even. Glbbs Have you decided where you will go this summer? Plbbs No; my wife always waits until soma neighbor with a grudge against us recommends the worst spot oj the continent Expensive, Though. Peck My wife's will Is law. Heck So Is my wife's; but occa sionally I can bribe her not to en force it. Celluloid wings for aeroplanes that are said to be so transparent as to be Invisible 300 feet in the air have been Invented by a German engineer. Long and short coats will ba accept able this fall, says a fashion hint. Even a medium length one will suit us on a cold day. Another tip Is that formflttln ults ara going to ba It for tha men. Some of us will bava to reform our forms. Less quicksilver was produced In the United States last year than In any year sinca 1860. Takes "Grit" to Wm This really means keeping the system full of vim and vigpr, the blood pure and the general health good, all of which must come from perfectly digested food, and liver and bowel regularity. This is an especially good reason why you ehould try HOSTETTER'S Stomach Bitters 9, N. U. No. 14, 1114 WHKN wtIUm a papar. HHP Trick la an Old One, But Seldom Falls of 8jcces Prank of New York High 6ehool Boys That Looked Serious. Recently Solomon Berman of Man hattan scared Into flight two thieves who entered his store by pointing bis Index linger at them and fooling them Into supposing that he had a revolver. It Is an old trick and yet It succeeds, Just as the confidence man can al ways sell a gold brick to a farmer who never heard of Hungry Joe. A short time ago river thieves boarded a tug moored along the Hud Bon and attempted to enter the cap tain's cabin and secure money and valuables from a small safe he had there. The engineer of the little boat heard tha thieves, and creeping up out of the engine room called: "Halt! Who's that? Halt, or I'll Are!" At the same time he ran around tha side of the cabin with a dipper handle. Not until the thieves got ashore did It seem to occur to them that there couldn't have been a pistol In their disturber's hand or ho would have fired. When It camo to mind they re treated to a safe distance, and then shaking their fists at the grinning en gineer cursed him profusely. Over near Hunt's Point a few months ago they had an amusing case of cross "pistol" purposes. Several dwellings had been robbed and every body In the vicinity became suspicious of tha slightest unusual movement after dark. Two high school bnys planned a masked holdup of a citizen after dark. They held him up all right, both presenting proper looking pis tols with shining barrels. After the citizen handed out all of his valuables and whined abjectly that ha had nothing mora the boys revealed them selves. In a great rage the citizen then blew a police whistle and a mounted offi cer galloped up. The boys protested they had only Joked with a neighbor. The citizen declared they should be punished. The officer was willing to look lightly on tha affair until It was pointed out that pistols bad been brandished. This made the matter serious. The officer arrested the boys and took from them tha weapons that might bring them a term of years In prison, so heavy Is tha New York penalty. But when the pistols were exposed the whole matter was dropped. The pistols were first rate Imitations of .tha real thing, only In this case they could explode nothing mora dead ly than a cap. New York Herald. When Poisoned by Ivy. After exposure to poison Ivy, the III effects can often be warded off by prompt removal of tha Irritating sub stance. Vigorous washing with soap and water, preferably using a hand brush, and after that with alcohol, will do this. This often prevents tha 111 effects, and often when the char acteristic Inflammation has become manifest It can ba reduced to slight Intensity by tho same measure. This cannot be done, however, after the Ir ritation has become Intense; vigorous washings ara Impossible and alcohol painful. Witch hazel water, followed by application of dusting powder, li comforting. Salves ara not well borne as a rule, and If tho poisoning bas reached a stage not controlled by these treatments. It Is best to have professional treatment, as few. If any, of the Innumerable domestic remedies prove to be entitled to reliance. Cat Led Him Home. Smith and Jones met In tho smoke end of a Pullman car one afternoon, and during a gabfest Smith referred to the town Into which be had Just moved. "The streets of the blooming burg, ha eloquently described, "are the crookedest of anything In that line on the face of tha earth. You may not believe It, but a couple of days after we got there my wife had a cat that she wanted to lose and told me to take It over and leave It along the river about a mllo distant Well, sir" "I see, old pal." smilingly Interjected the other. "That's where you lost the cat all right." "You'va got another guess," re turned Smith. "It I hadn't followed the cat I would never bava found my way back home. Long and Merry. A short II fo and a merry one! The moat fallacious quip ever uttered. Why need a II fo bo short to be mer ry? ltuthcr make It a long and a merry one. Thcro's more sweetness In a dollar's worth of sugar than In the lump or two that goes In tha cof fee at dinner. A long Ufa and a merry one, sanely, Usefully, wholesomely merry. That Is tho II fo. The other counterfeit maxim camo when youth and folly first tasted the quick dregs that coma to those who try the short and merry. A short life and a merry onel Bah I There'! no such thing, unless It be by accident the chance cutting off of a life that was to have been a long life and a merry one. Kansas City Star. Btnedlct'e Dilemma. "You seem to ba having a struggle over that letter." "Yes; I want my wife to think 1 miss her, but I don't want her to get to feeling so sorry for me that shell bustle home." Kanras City Journal. EMM HIS ONE REDEEMING QUALITY Bill Smlthers, Ugly, Bow-Legged Sim pleton, Wars Most Beautiful Neck ties Ever Created. They had not met for many years. Girlhood chums, their paths of life had separated and wben they acci dentally encountered one another, nat urally they had many things to dis cuss; mutual friends, etc "By the way, Mamie," Inquired Mary, "what ever became of BUI Smlthers that ugly, bow-legged man, who was such a simpleton that be could not come In out of the rain?" A frigid look overspread Mamie's faco. With the hauteur that her sex can display on needed occasions, she freeziugly spoke: "Madam, be Is my husband." Poor Mary. What could she say? Her fuce was scarlet and she worked her brain overtime to say something to appease her friend. This Is what she managed to stammer: "W-W-Well. Mamie, he certainly did wear the most beautiful neckties that I ever saw." Louisville Times. The Other Way Around. "There's a married brute for youl 1Mb wife stopped and gazed with long ing eyes at the posters In front of a moving picture show, but be didn't offer to take her Inside." "Don't be too hard on him. 1 hap pen to know that his wife keeps the family puree. She probably wanted to see that picture, but was too stingy to squander a dime." She Knew. "Mama." "Yes. my son?" "Does disarm mean to take away ne's arms?" "Yes." "Well, I heard the minister and Deacon Jones say they were discuss ing papa. Docs that mean they were taking his cuss away from him?" "Tbey didn't, anyway, son." Corrected. "What's the trouble here?" asked the policeman. "This man called me a cheap face icrnper." said the barber. "Well?" "I'd have him understand that I am i physiognomical tonsorlal artist" aid the barber with dignity. Slight Mistake. "I believe Fanny is making me an tfghan," said the youth. "I was call ing there last nlgbt and she was working on It; but she wouldn't tell me who or what It was for." "She told me. It Is for you, but It Is not an afghan. It's one of a pair of tar tabs." TESTS N0WA0AY8. First Youngster Aw! you ain't so many. I ain't never seen your plcturt s having been curod of anything. Second Youngster When you wai sick last week I didn't see no bullotlni up or any extras out Departure From Custom. "You say this part of the country It unique?" "It Is," replied Former Corntosscl, "os a summer resort." "In what respect?" "Well, we haven't any cliff called 'Lover's Leap' nor any ridge known bi The Devil's Backbone.' " One Way. 'A young wife wants to know how to got rid of ants," said tho Questloni and Answers editor. "Tell her to take ber meals out and starve tbom to death," suggested th second assistant city editor. Knew What to Expect. "Good heavens! Here It Is 1 o'clock and I promised my wife I would bi dome before midnight" "You are In for IL" "I'm afraid so. The domestlo weath er forecast Indicates a storm followed by a baavy shower." , t -MUi, mil a,l ,,,'s- V.EZJf:;. L-! Htf I he furnishes these free Blue-Prints, made up just special for thft HiKA horn 1X7 a flmivn r ' K . v v.i uunuilUJ. It shows us how "PORTER'S PERFECT" Barn Equipment M will doubl. our barn and dairy afflclancy-malca our cow, healthy and ont.ntad-turn bam Portar a Perfect Uarn Unnunt inl.l ,h. i... n.-Ii aY,o.-Sur"..Dr" Toola manufactured. WRITE FOR THESE FREE BLUE-PRINTS TODAY! THE PROGRESSIVE BUSINESS COLLEGE PORTLAND, OREGON. There is a completeness and finish about our atudentV education that it bringing; praiae from many of the leading business men of tho Northwest. The auprema lest of a biistncja college is to satisfy the hard-hended men of the business world. V do. Write for literature which will truthfully tell you all you want to know All students making application before Sept. 6. will net the advantage of the K per month rate. Bright and diligent atudenu complete our course in three monlhaT How It Worked. "Did you ever try to open one of those railroad car windows?" linked tho Puterson man. "ilh.'yes," replied the I'nssnlc man. "Well, how did you make out?" "V,'e, 1 took one of those axes from the BlujiS core, you know?" "Yes, and you broke the window op"n?" "No, but I broke the ax, all right." Yonkers Statesman. Dusting. Mrs. Florin had a new maid, and ono morning as she entered the li brary she wns somewhat surprised to find the girl seated in one of the chuirH with her hands folded. "What!" cried the mistress. "Hero you are slttlnn down! Why, you were sent in here to dust the room!" "Yes, ma'am," was the Klrl's reply, "I have lost the duster, and so I am sitting on each of the chairs In turn." Harper's Magazine. Sunlight Intensified !? Reflectian from Oi-rnn IVaih snrl De rt hand unrelieved by Foliage. Winds and Mineral Laden, I'm-onous Dut, all bring Kye Troiililea in their wuke Urnnu latcdT Eyelids, Ucd, Itching, Burning, Tired nd Watery Kyes, Impaired Vision ami Kve l'ain. Itelialile ifelief is found in Murine Kye Ki-medy, Mild and UnrmlcM. If you Wear Glsea, Try Murine. Doesn't Smart. Feels Fine. Acta Ouickly. In an Kve Tonie compounded by Oculists net a '''stent Medicine" but used in successful l'liviitiins' l'ni.-tire for many yearn. Now dedicated to the l'ulilie and sold at K Per Bottle. Murine Eye 8h1v In Aseptic Tulxn, 2.- and 60c. Sold by Druggists. For liooks, writs to Murine tje lleuedy Co, Chicago. Fatal Disease. A young painter who had Just fin ished a picture Insisted upon a friend calling; to see It "Thfcre, now," enthused the artist, "you see my new picture. What's the matter with that?" "I don't know," replied the bored friend, "but I should say It was a case of art failure." National Monthly. DON'T ITCH! USE RCSINOL Just put on a little of that soothing, antisaptio reslnol ointment and tie li clilng and burning stop at once. Soon all trace of eczema, prickly heat, poison-Ivy, poison-oak, or other torment ing skin trouble is gone. Fine for baby's skin. Every druggist sells res lnol ointment and reslnol soap. Pro scribed by doctors for 19 years. Adv. The Proverb Trite. "Man' Is a worm," the preacher snlth, As often we bave heard. Ab, yes! and he might nlno add, "Woman's the early bird." New York Sun. "Man Is a worm," hn spenUclh true, He gets It from the Hook, And thnt Is why poor mortal man bo often gets the hook! IF YOU'RE GROUCHY It Is likely that your liver needs stir ring up. Wright's Indian Vegctablo Pills will set you right quickly. Adv. I love tho soda fountain boy. With his cut glass that clinks, Hut 1 would love him better if He didn't mix my drinks. Many of the forest fires nttrllmled In railroads are caused tint by sparks fniin locomotives, but by rlgar and rlKarettn butts thrown from siiiuklug car windows. An express train traveling from Nice to Mncon, Franco, was beaten by 12 minutes by nu caiilo, which raced It for 18 miles. Putnam Fadeless Dyes arc the briithtcat and fastest. A Maine town has built a concrel" watering trough for horses that in flunked by high walls to shield an I ; mals using It from sun, wind and ' storm. Well-known sayings of unknown ' mon: "Them kind hus camo to stay." ! The age of sex equality mny be here, , but the wives frequently decline to ' support their busbanda. I ' " a' ""ncniona. Feevl and LitUr Carrlert and If vou fleura on hnllHtn . not .i,n..r. ..; Vi.-... ,r" d.u.r..,.n7 mi 7U """I". " sui in w", Whether yon Bairn on bnlldlne a narn toon not. nail coupon lor His r'KKE BAKN KO.UIP- AKN 1 OttE Oldest and Lanruat Independent iiuieiaian 01 r arm Mai n in ery in ttit I'acinc Norlhw 1 ataa i.fariiai ihn Northern Illiteracy. Unless we can find soino means of stimulating the campaign against il literacy It is merely a mutter of time when the positions of the north and tho south will chungo places with re gard to that question. The manager of the Industrial league, with hend fiuarters In New York, announces that the percentage of adult illiterates In that state has not decreased In the lust 20 years. The stato hH stood still more persistently than any other In the union In this respect. Connec ticut and New Jersey follow closely upon Its record. According to the league's bulletin, "tho south Is far outstripping the north in Its efforts to deal with the problem of Illiteracy." While tho percentage Is still greater, it Is bplng cut down from a quarter to a half every decade. The south'B population Is more homogeneous and more responsive at least to primnry educational Influences. Boston Tran script. 1R87 TO 1914 iOLMES BUSINESS COLLEGE The school that gela you a ruud position. Thousands of Graduates NONE IIII.K I FREE INFOKMATION I OLDEST W aahlngtonKhhS UAfVc DU roltTLAND. OWE. I MUULKN 27th YEAR Her Right Number Was 4s. Uenn was much excited over the prospects of a cumpmeetlng thnt was about to tnko place In lier neighbor hood. For weeks she bad been pre paring gay and gaudy feathers for the array, and now her outfit was com plete save a pair of much desired pat ent leather slippers. She approached her mistress: "Mis' Ford," she said, "I sho' wants to git a pair o' slippers fo' de nieetln' commences, an' I ain't got a single cent lef." "What size do you wear. Bona?" asked her mistress. ".Mali right numbnh Is fo'," she re plied, "but I has to wenh sebens, 'causo fo's burls me dat bad I jes natehurly can't hardly walk." Wo mun's Homo Companion. We all would love the plasterer. Who makes the walls so slick. If ho were not so much inclined To lay It on so thick. '. ho big game season Is on. T. It. Is after the tammnny tiger and the g. o. p. elephant nnd the government Is ufter tho loan tdmrkn. Grave Danger AWT mt m Name Blood is Disordered Little Causes Develop Worst Kind of Trouble Nor Danger if Blood is Fortified. Tho niooJ if Purified With C. S. TVre are sn manr reasnna h ererynne Should ,,k ,e t,Unl f-T liinllh that tlie artl.,0 of S. H. K. aa a purlili r ami priwrirr Is of iiarammint linporinnie. Wo nenl so ouirh ftMiil, ao murh f,iyain, an tnurli arster, all ,'f which In rluht iriiiiiril,.ii malninlii nutrition. Hut tho liver, H.lu.'rs, Inn tm. kin anil hnwrls must all work In eo-otiern-live harni"iir In ronvart the Intake and ripel It after It lis aervril lis puru'iae of rearnorat'na; the tlsam-a anil eella of the Anil this tinxi'se Is reiinlrd every ifw aer-inils tlirniiKhout life. Now. aa It tsiiprns Willi moat people, III IkkIv does not epp all the waste anil It remains a (leslrmtlre InflueDre to produce caisrrh, rlieuinatlsm, bolls, emiitlona and a mrrlai if trouhha ri'tuKuUcU aa tha result v( polsoneil lilnnd. Keniarkalile teatlmonlals have been writ ten that proia hevuml nuesitoa there Is no Blood disease but wuat iaa U cured by III.'l'll) mil 1 rhnr. h. , , Into real Dleanura j . "" .-u win .Vur. """tins inaihiuai plan KO.IIIP- ME NT "SanA me wltkout LOU. bllaailnn nnat whaterer rull Blue nta uf Hkre ADDrnxtnut. Send me Porter FRH8 Darn EaulDOiant Catalogue. Adrirexe a Known of Old. "Ambassador Thomas Nelson Page, like most married novelists, treat married life in his books from the In side, as It were," n Washington wo man Baid on her return from Home. "At a tea at the Kxcclsior, Mr. and Mrs. Page had a ludicrous argument over something or other; nnd, when their misunderstanding wns satisfac torily cleared up, Page said: " 'This seems like a chapter that has slipped out of a novel, doesn't It7" 'It seems,' Mrs. Page retorted, 'more like a chnpter that will alia Into one,' "Louisville Courier-Journal. SUCCESS- Depends Upon Your Training Our mui-flm In Short hum!, pn mnrtHtiip. !tunintna Training and Tjlficniihy will wjuip yuu fur m uccMMful buimum. larewr. FALL TERM SLTTLMHER 7. BUSINESS COLLEGE. Fourth Street, Near Morrison, Portland. On We Guarantee Positions for All Our Graduates. Write 17s. No Trouble to Ana wee. V A Different Boy. An Interesting event occurred In the hotisehold of a scientific gentleman who is a member of one of Uncle Sam's chemlcul bureaus In Washing ton. The gentleman himself wns hard at Work in Ills home lllhnrntnrv ml.on lh.. news was brought to him. "It's a boy," quietly announced the physician, as ho stopped on the threshold. "All right, nil rlclit " nmllaro.t ,. absent-minded cliemlnf n hn over his work. "Kr oh ask him what he wants, won't you?" Llpplnr cott's Magazine. YOUR OWN DRtinr.lST WILl TriL TOO 1 17 Murine Kye Iteinrily f,,r Itnl, Weak, Walary KyraandOratmlale,! Kvrll.U; No Hmartllig Jin.Kye Comfort. Write for lt,,a of Hie ly by wall free, aturlue Kye KenirUr lo.Chiiagow Obliging Disposition. "Are there any bears In these woods?" "Not yet." replied tho resident. "But we'ro going to ilo our best The next time a circus cnines llirotich hero we are going to take up a subscription nnd buy a bear or two Just to satisfy the summer hoarders." It nil the Kuropean countries e ccpt Russia tho sugar beet production turn year a one of the greatest on record. if S. Will Resist All Germ Infection. S. R 8. And In sit these eaies that were treated Willi niiTi'iiry, IimIUIc-s, arsenic. eoa or and other nilnernls with no permanent ffect, the most astoiilslilug revuvtrlea aara ben mails ty H. H. H. There tg tint a blood taint nf any nature that ran remain In a arstem fortlfled bt this most wontlerll remedy, for It la abso lutely pure anil enntalna only thoao e la ment that the blnd naturally ssalmllatea, and which Ilia tissues gratefully accept. It agrees with tha most delicate stomach, rreq In those rases where the use of strong drum has so weakened the dlirestlvs system that niedlrlloe rnu not ba given. (let a 11.00 boll la of H. N. 8. st any drug store and thus be assured of a comnleta rare f ny ertiptlrs blood disease. If your aaa Is tiecullar and ynu desire spedsl arte vrita in the nwllt Kiieriae tV Dtpt., UwUt Uldg., AUsata, Us. Utl WW ' 1 1 ar- h. m. IJCr Wada 4 Co. pr 323 Uawthorse g Portland, Ore. 1 AlY 19.1 Usifhar I I I Bi J&i T Prl