Lincoln County leader., October 23, 1908, Image 6

LINCOLN GQJM LEADER
R C COLLINS, Miter
r N HAYDEN, Mnf r
TOLEDO OREGON
A raise of salary la the sincerest
Cattery.
Between China's disastrous floods
and Canada's forest fires there Is not
much to choose.
While the Duma cheered the Czar
the other day. It did not attempt to
break any records.
If Peary doesn't find the north pole,
the next thing anybody knows Roose
velt will be going In search of it.
A Russian grand duke has lost his
Job. It Is probable, however, that his
Income will suffer no diminution.
A man may return from his vacation
pretty "short," but ns a rule you can't
get hLro to cut his yarns that wny.
"Changeless Chnnge" is the title of
A recently published sonnet. It sounds
suspiciously like a counterfeit 10-eeiit
piece.
A man In Trenton, N. J., it Is said,
eheds his skin yearly, after the manner
of n snake. No cause is assigned, for
the rash act. 1
A New York woman claims that she
Is haunted by the ghost of her mother-in-law.
Another usurpation of the
rights of man.
A Connecticut fanner tried to fly
with paper wings. The result was Just
the same as If he had taken a flyer in
Wall street he's 1roke.
Men who never thought much of Kins:
Alfonso may change their minds and
regard hlin as a brother, since he has
had a quarrel with his mother-in-luw.
Merely because Santo Domingo has
sold Its navy for $1,750 It Is not to be
Inferred that the country Is hard up.
That may have been a big price for the
navy.
One of George Gould's boys Is going
to don overalls and hob-nail shoes and
go to work In a Colorado mine. We
hope he has the approval of Uncle
llelle.
A Pennsylvania man wants a divorce
because Ills wife pulled him out of bed
by his whiskers. Sivme husbands are
entirely too sensitive for their own hap
piness. A Pittsburg man recently married the
young woman with whom he became
acquainted when he returned her lost
dog. Moral for bachelors : He kind to
'ost dogs.
Culm has a surplus of $5,000,000.
How provoking this uiiist be to a lot of
Spanish grandees who are compelled to
sit around home and live on restricted
Incomes.
Congress Is expected to follow the
precedent established when a pension
was granted to the widow of President
Garfield by grunting a pension to Mrs.
Cleveland. It is fitting that t'nose In
dies who nave presided over Hie White
House when It was occupied by their
husbands should be wards of the na
tion. The Pope Is credited with the re
mark that If the Itoman Catholic
Church could lie as highly respected fn
other countries as In the United States
he would be In favor of the separation
of church and state everywhere. The
church Is respected here because com
munities of the United States nil began
with n policy of religious freedom, and
have never tolerated a state church.
In the other countries, where the su
premacy of one church was established
by law. It Is not easy to hold rosxct
when the preference Is withdrawn.
One of the whimsical characters In a
story by Miss Alice Brown conceived
the Idea of a "patent dog-barker,"
which could lie put In the front yard
by unprotected women to frighten
tramps away by mechanical Imitation
of a dog. Paris has outdone this comic
Idea In sober earnest. Some people
try to escape the dog tax by conceal
ing their aulmals. The police have
secured the service of professional
barkers, who "make n noise like a dog"
outside suspected houses. The dog in
side replies, and the barker reports to
the tax-collector.
Those who hre sure that the soil of
New Kngland Is hopelessly barren may
be surprised to learn some facts that
are brought out In two recent bulletins
of the Department of Agriculture.
There were only eight States of the
Union In 19(H) that had a larger acre
age planted to potatoes- than Maine.
Only four produced a larger crop. Not
one even approached Maine in the
number of bushels to the acre. The
overage yield was two hundred and
ten bushels to the ncre, and no- other -'
State raised more than one hundred
Mid seventy-five bushels. The average,
for the whole country was only one,
hundred and two. Nor was it an ex
ceptional year, for the averaci' crop
01 Aiaine lias neeii the largest In every
year since 1!X)3. Buckwheat is not n
very Important crop, but It Is raised 'in
twenty-four of the States. In t'.ils.
too. Maine stands at the head jn aver
age crop per acre; New Hampshire is
second, Vermont third, and Massachu
setts fourth. Since 1000 the lo.vest
average yield of buckwheat in Maine
was twenty-eight bushels to the ncre.
In 1000. The highest yield In those
seven yenrs In any State outside ,f
New Kngland was twenty-two and
half bushels.
"Fret not thy gizzard." There was
once a good old grandmother who gave
this advice to everybody. She declared,
and firmly believed, that It came from
the Bible, though she did not know Just
where it could be found. But she In
sisted that it was somewhere lietween
the covers of the Good Hook. The old
woman was right. It Is In the Good
Rook, not only In one place, but in
ninny, and though she did not have the
exact language in which the advice Is
given, she had its sense, which Is of
vastly greater uiiortaiice. The world
is run or men niui women who are con-1
stimtly fretting their gizzards, and with
what result? None, except to increase
the Income of the doctor and the under
taker and to fill the hospitals for the
Insane, and the cemeteries. Ask any
doctor what causes the majority of the
mental breakdowns and the most of
the .cases of nervous troubles, and he
will tell you It Is fretting. Some peo
ple blame work, but work never hurt
anybody. On the contrary, It keeps
men and women alive. Overwork,
tnougn, claims thousnnds, but overwork
Is altogether another thing; and the
overworked are generally fretters.
Each leads to the other. The human .
gizzard was not designed by nature to
bear the strain of fretting, and the man I
wuo frets it much is sure to break it. i
The old woman s advice does not mean
that man should refuse to take his
work or anything else seriously. It does
not mean that he should view with un-1
concern or treat lightly any of his prob-1
lems. But It does mean that he should
not fret over them when he hns np-1
plied his best efforts to them. It means 1
i
thnt If you have something to do, do it; : written letter from the cashier requests
and with your whole energy. When you ! Mrs. X. to call at the bank In regard
have done all you can do, don't fret to her account, which is overdrawn
your gizzard over the result. All the $15.33.
fretting In the world will hnve no effect "Only recently n prominent Chicago
upon the outcome. Awnlt It without woman, upon receiving one of these no
stewlng nnd worrying, and If it is tlces from our bank, rushed In breatli
ngainst you, tackle it ngain. Fret your lessly nnd confided to the cashier that
gizzard and you will lack the strength she did not know any money was coin-
to renew the fight with the vigor that
Is necessary to win. It means you are
not to fret over things beyond your con
trol. It does. not mean that you should
not view them in seriousness and with
proper regard of Importance and con
sequences. But don't worry over them
until you fret your gizzard. We are
traveling at a fast race In this country.
The spirit of the dny Is one that calls
for speed. The man who enn keep It up
must look after
uis gizzaixl. t ret It
not.
It Is very unfortunate that the re
taller, speaking generally, does not ap
preciate the value of local advertising.
It would seem ns though ambition
should dictate the enlargement of one's
business, and to many merchants such
a result In easily attained. The way
to do It Is quite simple.
It Is well known that women are the
best buyers and, as a rule, the goods
they buy are the most profitable. To
attract them your store must be mag
netic 1. e., clean, neat, stocks well ar
ranged and the goods appealing to then)
prominently displayed.
Doing this Is properly classed as ad
vertising, but It must be backed by
Intelligent, well-informed nnd courteous
clerks to make the sales. -After having
accomplished this reform then, by nil
menus, contract for a regular space In
your local papers nnd place your ad
vertisement in advance. Arrange the
copy for frequent changes, make the
matter and makeup attractive, and be
sure to refer to the seasonable goods at
the proper time.
If such a simple course is followed
the result will be a pleasant surprise
to any merchant who has not been a
believer In publicity. The good mer
chant realizes that he does not hnve to
cut prlc(s to make sales. There Is an
easier way to mnke business ond keep
profits In these times. The rule Is as
simple as can be advertise and sup
port your announcements with an at
tractive store and courteous treatment
of customers. Hardware
WHEN A WOMAN WRITES A CHECK
fy?&"' --
1
Why is it that the average woman
cannot be taught to write or Indorse a
bank check?
It Is regarded by bank
employes ns the eighth
officials and
wonder of the world and a never to be
solved mystery why it cannot be done,
but it is generally admitted that it is
one of the impossible things comparable
only to the riddle of the sphinx or
squaring the circle.
The numerical amount on the date
line, no date at nil, the written amount
where the name of the pages should be
written (and the written and printed
amount to disagree at least 50 cents),
any signature in any place the back
of the check Is Just as good as any-
where else and a sniff or a fuss If the
prematurely gray paying teller dares
to make a correction ! That's the way
the average woman banks, except that
she can ring in a dozen changes In as
many minutes. "And the ladies, God
bless 'em,'
said the presldent-of one
of the big trust companies.
all love to
bank and they nre nil at it. The gener
ality of them would rather have n bank
account and have it overdrawn 7 cents
than sport a solid silver purse full of
shining gold coin. 'My bank' nre words
thnt they linger over lovingly and their
elation knows no bounds when n type-
IB to her, for she thought she had
drawn it nil out, nnd she nsked sweetly
how she could get It. Should she make
a check for it or would the teller give
it to her If she presented the slip the
bank had sent her.
"But f Is not always the women who
show Ignorance of the forms of hand
ling checking accounts, nnd nt the end
f & week will go over them nnd make
j thoin balance to a cent. But n business
i wmi u bhvuikh unwuu very iih-
quently gets himself sadly tangled up.
The savings bank book- always seems to
him to be a Chinese puzzle, and many
are the breaks he will make. He will
sometimes write out an order for his
account on the bank book itself, and
send some one to collect it."
The women have a very satisfactory
way to themselves, If not to the bank
olllclals, of adding sufficient funds to
their account to meet nn overdraft.
Only n few days ago ft lady who had
been notified that her account was bad
ly overdrawn presented herself to the
cashier and asked Just what she must
do to rectify the mistake. He courte
ously explained that she must deposit
enough money In the bank or a check
large enough to cover the amount due.
Her face brightened and she sighed as
If a great load were tnken off her mind.
snt calmly down and wrote a check for
the amount due and she drew it upon
the same account and the same bank.
She does not understand to 'this day
why the bank would not accept It. Just
give a woman a check book and there
Is no telling to what lengths she enn
and will go.
Many amusing tales of women's bank
lug iuethods are told. An official of a
Chicago banking company said a lady
walked Into his bank reecntly and re
quested a loan of $5X). She was nsked
for her security whether she owned
property or land in tne city. She re
plied in the negative, whereupon the
official said that he was sorry, but they
did not do business on such terms. The
lady was more than Indignant and In
sisted that he go out and look at the
sign on his building and then he would
very plainly see the word "trust." She
guessed what that meant because her
grocer trusted her and she never had to
give him any security.
"New money," not the sound article,
is the cry of the female financier, nnd
woo to the bank that Is not prepared to
hand out fresh, crisp bills and newly
minted coin In return for a mixed up,
badly written, Ink bedaubed check,
Women object strenuously to making
out their own deposit slips and cannot
or will not understand that the bank
requests them to do it for their own
protection. A great mauy women re
quire the teller to make out their
checks. Not long ago a bank had an
amusing experience with a new depos
itor. She confessed to the teller that
she did not know how to make a check,
nnd he made It out for her, explaining
as he went along. Then he handed It
to her, saying: "Sign, madam, lower
line, please." She took the check and
delivered the goods all right, for when
she returned it for payment the check
was signed "Lower line" In a dainty
hand.
At one of the big national banks some
months ago a perfumed, crested note of
a deiosltor of the bank read : "Please
stop payment on check No. 197, as I
have accidentally burned the same." A
depositor at the same bank was notified
thnt her account wns overdrawn, but
still her checks continued to pour in.
When they did not cease for four or flv
days an official called her up on the tel
ephone nnd told her that payment
would be stopped on her cheeks unless
she made her account good. She puffed
right up nnd said she would show him
that he was wrong and that she had
money In the bank. Half an hour later
she canie down to the bank with her
check liook and the explanation that
"she knew she was right, for there were
at least half a dozen blank checks left
in the book !"
Another peculiarity Is the way they
make out checks to themselves. Where
a man makes it out to "cash" a woman
makes it to the order of Mary Brown,
signs it Mary Brown, and turns it over
nnd Indorses it "Mary Brown." Thus
far have wpmen progressed in the1 last
ten years, since it became common for
them to do general banking business.
It remains to be seen how much they
will develop in tlje next ten years.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
MAY SAVE MANY LIVES.
Stickers on Bottle Warning It Con-
taint I'olnon.
As long as people, through careless:
ness or otherwise, will continue to ad
minister poison in mistake for medi
cine. In ninny enses
causing death to the
patient, radical
mensures must be
adopted to prevent
such accidents. A
California man, In
working on the prob
lem, devised n
scheme which should
undoubtedly prove
effective. Accord
ingly he patented
the Idea. The poison
is sold only in bot
tles of peculiar
form, the surface
consisting of numer
ous projecting
points. If a person
in haste picks up the poison bottle In
mistake for another potion .he will be
quickly apprised of the fact by the
stickers on the bottle. These stickers
will naturally Inform him at once that
he hns the wrong bottle, causing him to
drop It hastily and continue his search.
StrnlKht From the Animal.
A London gentleman, having taken
n small farm In the country as being
the correct thing to do, ns well ns to
get a little fresh nir, had Invited some
of his friends down to see his new
possession.
Having viewed the domain nnd not
ing the absence of creature life about
the place, one of his friends remarked:
"With a nice, open place like this, I
wonder you don't hnve some animals
about, as Is usual on n fnrin. Some
cows, for Instance, so ns to have your
own butter and cream."
"No-o," drawled his host, "don't care
about butter or cream." '
Some chickens or ducks, then, You
surely like fresh eggs?"
"No-o, dou't care for eggs. But I've
sometimes thought I'd like a sheep. I
rather like kidneys for breakfast."
Liverpool Mercury.
Very Sagacious.
A" farmer had a very sagacious dog
which he had trained to count his
sheep ns they passed through a partic
ular opened gate, against which a pile
of stones were placed for the dog's use.
As each sheep passed through the dog
placed one of the stones aside. One
day, much to the farmer's surprise, he
found the dog trying to break a stone
In half, and on himself counting the
flock he found there had been an ad
dition In the night of a lamb.
The Occasion for It.
"He says he never prayed in all his
life."
"What a monotonous existence! Ap
parently he has never been in a tight
place." The Catholic Standard and
Times.
If a man wishes to marry a woman
forty years old, should he ask her
father for her?
;!
'o o o' jjj
"There are a couple of awful bores
at my club." "Indeed! Who is the
other?"
Child Cook, come quick, the nursery's,
afire! Cook What goes on In- the'
nursery is no affair of mine. Tell the
governess.
Landlady You make an awful noise
with that flute. Boarder Well, I'm
sorry to hear it. Landlady So's ev
erybody else.
"I notice that you always sit at your"
wife's left, Mr. Meggs." "Ves,", frank
ly replied Mr. Meggs; "that's the side
her glass eye is on."
Candid Friend You will have to
work hard to win the heiress. Impecu
nius One I'll have to work a Jolly
sight harder If I don't.
Poet Well, thepublishershave finally
accepted one of my poems. Frank
Friend Out of gratitude you ought
never to submit tneni another.
Nell Love doesn't seem to agree
with Maude. She is thinner by twenty
pounds than she used to be. Belle
She has loved and lost, eh? Tit-Bits.
"Suppose I lend you the money you
wont, how do I know that I shall ever
see it again?" "Is the word of nn hon
est man worth anything?" "Oh, of
course! Bring him to me!"
Dawson The facial features plainly
Indicate character and disposition. In
selecting your wife, were you governed
by her chin? Spenlow No; but I have
been ever since we married.
First Landlady I mnnnge to keep
aiy boarders longer than you do.. Sec
ond Landlady O, I don't know. You
keep them so thin that they look longer
than they really are. Tit-Bits.
Mrs. Neybore I bought a new piece
of music for my daughter to play, and
I think she'll master It soon. She was
trying all afteruoun. Miss Pepper
She was, very ! Pearson's Weekly.
"Miss Richly," pleaded the kneeling
youth, "tell me, is there any hope for
me?" "I can't say," replied the poeti
cal girl ; "you might consult an insanity
expert, however." Baltimore News.
The Gardener (tendering his resig
nation) "No, sir, it's the missus I
can't abide.. She's got Inter the 'libit'
o' talkln' ter me jest wot she does ter
you. She fergits I can leave when I
wants ter." Sketch.
Barnes I hear your house was
broken into the other night and lots of
silver plate nnd jewelry stolen., Shedd
ies; but the rascals entirely over
looked the ten tons of coal In the cel
lar. Boston Transcript.
"Ah," he sighed, "I was happier
when I was poor." "Well," they an
swered coldly, "it Is always possible
for a man to become poor again," But
somehow the Idea did not seem to Im
press him favorably. Chicago Post.
Civil-service examiner (very sternly
to Erastu's Smith, colored, who aspires
to the office of mail carrier) "How far
Is It from the earth to the moon?"
Krastus (In turn) "(Jolly, boss, ef yo's
gwlne ter put me on dat route l don't
want de job!"
"Paw, would It be nngrnnimntical to
say, 'I seen you when you hid $io un
der the bureau?' " '.'Yes, son, both un
grainniatical and dangerous. When you
nre in doubt on such points ' always
come to me, and never go to your moth
er." Cincinnati Tribune.
Who was the first man, Bobby?" she
nsked. "George Washington," answer
ed the young patriot, promptly. "Why,
no, Bobby ; it was Adaiu." "Oh, well,"
said Bobby, who never fails to prove
himself right, "I wasn't counting for
eigners." New York Press.
"I observe thnt you Invariably praise
your rivals," said one actress. ''"Yes,"
answered the other. "It's the wisest
thing to do. It sounds magnanimous
and also conveys the Impression that
you do not consider them worth being
lealous of." Washington Star.
Gayboy A fellow cau't be too care
ful about his letters to women. Hen
peck Thnt's right. A woman got three
letters from me once that have kept
me in hot water ever since. Gayboy
'You don't mean It? Ilenp'eck Fact
They were Yes. Philadelphia Press.
"What a nice little boy!" said the
minister, who was making a call.
"Won't you come and shake hands, my
son?" VNaw!" snapped the nice little
boy. "My gracious! Don't you like
me?" "Naw! I had ter git ine hands
an' face washed J 1st because you come."
Philadelphia Press.
Her luck--"I met your wife yester
day. "How well she Is looking." "Yes.
We have been expecting her rich aunt
to visit us this summer." "Ah!" "Of
course I don't mean t hat expecting her
aunt has made my wife look so well,
but it has kept her f rom going away
anywhere for a rest." Chicago Record
Harold.