Lincoln County leader., November 30, 1900, Image 2

The dominant sex: He "You haven't
the brain- of a goose." She "Have
you?" Indianapolis Press.
Irish cook (to milkman) "What
makes you come so early of late? You
used to be behind before." Life.
May "Algy and Purnela had a fall
ing out last night." (Jlmeuce "What
was the cause?" May "A hammock."
Harlem Life.
Pretty big: "Blow-hard has a big
opinion of . himself." "How big?"
"Well,-he's beginning to Imngihe he'a
annoyed by camera flends." Puck.
Mother (at the doorif you children
are not quiet lu five minutes you will
Lave to go to bed.- Small Voice (after a
pause) What time Is It now? Judge.
"Did he gain anything by his visit to
the Tarl8 Kxposltion?" "Yes; he says
he gained a better appreciation of the
Chicago World's Fair." Chicago Post
Sister-in-law "How like his. father
the baby Is!" Mother "He's certainly
like him In some ways. He generally
keeps me up half the night!" Punch.'
Nlmrod "Pat, did you ever catch
frogs?" Pat-'-Faith. au' Ol did, sir."
NMinrod 'fWhat did you bait with?"
Pat "Begorry, Ol bate 'em with a
shtlck." Chicago News. '
Off His Mind: "Didn't you feel dread
fully when you lost your gold-headed
umbrella?" "No; I'd expected to lose it
for so long that I was glad when It was
bOiiu." oiiicugo icecord.
"Your 'Uncle Tom's Cabin' seems like
a brand-uew play." "of course; we've
lixed it up so Eliza crosses the ice on
an automobile, chased by a lot of Box
ers." Detroit Free Press.
Provision for the future: Mrs. Bon
ney "Six motherless children, you say?
And can't you find work?" Tramp
"Oh, they're not old enough for that
yet, ma'am." Brooklyn Life.
Did It with a slam: "I am willing to
do anything," said the applicant for
work. "All right," said the hard-hearted
merchant; "please close the door be
hind you when you go out." Somer
vllle Journal.
Might IIa,ve Been Worse: "Too bad,
old man, about your wife runulug
away. "Oh, It might have been worse.
1 wonder that she did not take me
along to look after her trunks." In
dlanapolls Press.
He helped him out: "And your step
father told you to get out Into the
world and earn your own living?, He
Bhould have given you a helping hand."
"He gave mo a helplug foot." Cleve
land Plain Dealer.
In Memorlam: "I presume you carry
a memento of some kind in that locket
of yours?" "Precisely; It Is a lock of
my husband's hair." "But your hus
band is still alive." "Yes; but his hulr
Is nil gone." Tit-Bits.
Safe: Mrs. von Blumer "Dear, dear,
I dropped my diamond ring q(T my An
ger this nioiulug, and I cannot tliid It
anywhere." Von Blumer "It's all
right; I came across It lu oue cf my
trousers pockets." Bazar. ,
Vocal Poslblllties: "Do you think,
professor," said a musically ambitious
youth, "that I can ever do anything
with my voice?" "Well," was the cau
tious reply, "It may come In handy to
holler with lu case of fire." Answers.
"Are you old enough to vote?" asked
the tourist lu North Carolina. "I dunno
trznckly what my age Is, boss," replied
thccolored maii; "but I kiu tell you dls:
I alius was old enough to know better
Jan to try to vote." Washington Star.
A Peaceful Kxlt: "Did you have any
vorda with your mlsstress which caused
you to leave your last place?" "Nlver
l wor-rd. Sure, an' Ol locked her In the
bath-room, and tuk all me things, and
(hllpped out as quiet as yez phue."
Bazar.
Its shape: "What Is the shape of a
Jhlp going to pieces on a stem and rock
bound coast?" asked Caswell of iu
kane. "Very bad shape, I should say;
what shape would you call It?" "A
wrecktanglo." Pittsburg Chrtfilcle
Telegraph. "You told me to come and beglu work
to day," an Id the uew boy. "Oh, yes,"
replied the druggist, "you may begin
by cntching flloa and putting them on
thoso sheets of 'Sure Catch Fly-Paper"
we're displaying In the window."
Philadelphia Press.
Artless Thing: Charming Maiden
Then they went to Woozey's, did they?
Ah, that's a delightful place. When a
friend asks me to go to Woozey's I
know he must think an awful lot of me,
for they serve the most elaborate and
expensive luncheons In the city. Ilehv
less Youth Let's go to Woozey's, Mies
Quickstep. Chfrngo Tribune.
Father (meaningly) Who Is the ImJ
est boy In your class, Tommy? Tommy
I don't know, pa. Father I should
think you would know. Wheu all th
others are Industriously studying or
writing their lessons, who Is It sits Idly
In his seat and watches the rest, i us toad
of working himself? Tommy Tut
teacher. Glasgow Evening Times.
"
ABSOLUTE
Those who subscribe now
for the 1901 volume of
Ts Youth's
Companion
Sending 51.75. a year's sub.
acrlption price, with this slip
or the name of this publica
tion, will receive,
A' X C7 Ja Ing 1900 issues
from the time of subscription
TTra Januar-r ' I'Ol. In
V" eluding the Holiday
issues, and The Companion's
IQOI "Puritan Girl"
" J. Calendar, litho
graphed Intwelre colors, by
EGURlTV.
SUM I'n imiiiuijiiiiiiii
Illustrated Announcement
nd Sample Copies FREE
on Request. 0 0 a m a
The Youth's Companion,
Boston, Mass.
Genuine
Cartels
Little Liver Pills.
Must Bear Signature of
5ee Facsimile Wrapper Below.
Omnipotence may bnild a thousand
worlds and nil them with bounties;
omnipotence may powder mountains
into dust, and burn the sea, and con
sume the sky, bat omnipotence cannot
do an unloving thing toward a believer.
Oh! rest quite sure, Christian, -a hard
thing, an unlovina thing from God to
ward one of Ilia own people is quite
impossible. He is as kind to you wheu
He casts you into prison as. when He
takes you into a palace;v He is as good
when He sends fumiue into your house
ns when He tills your barns with plen
ty. The only question is: . Art thou
His" chid? If so, He hath rebuked thee
in affection, and fiere is love in His
chastisement. Christian Work.
Tory small and as easy
to take as an gar.
I CARTERS
IflVER
II PILLS.
itwiii.mria . I
FOR HEADACHE.
FOR DIZZINESS.
FOR BILI0USNES3.
FOR TORPID LIVER.
FOR CONSTIPATION.
FOR SALLOW SKIN.
FOR THE COMPLEXION
- , OKNVlMia MUSTHAVCflCMATUnC,
15 cStrti Purely Tettfile.s&e?&Zc
, Decrease of Drunkenness.
In an address before the railroad
branch of the Y. M. C. A. of New
York City, Chauncey M. Depew made
a statement as to the decrease of
drunkenness among railroad men that
is worth repeating, coming from so
high an authority. Twenty veras apo,
he said, wheu there were about 15,000
men in the Kew York Central servioe,
the , average proportion of men dis
charged for. drunkenness within a cer
tain period was at least 20 per cent.
Now, with 30,000 meu employed by the
company, not one per cent is dropped
from the service for that causa.
When the Sun Uoe Down in Turkey
In Turkey the disappearance of the
sun at night is accounted for by the
periodical retirement of that pious
luminary for prayers and religious re-
"ox't get footsoitk. get foot-
kase,;
A powder. At this season vonr feet feel
swollen, nervous and uncnint'orliihle. If
ymi have smut tinji feet or tiplit shoes, trv
A lien's Foot-Kane. It rests arid comforts':
makes walking easy. (lures swollen ami
"weuting feet, blisters and (villous spots,
litlieves corns and bunions of nil pain and
is u certain rure for Chilblains. Sweating,
Damp or Frosted Feet. We have over 30,
(XK) testimonials. Don't get footsore get
Koot-Kase. Try it tmlaii, bold bv all
druggists and shoe stores for 25i Trial
puck aire Krkk. Address, Allen S. Olm-s-te.l.
I,e Hoy, N. Y.
The Chicago & Alton will exclude.
news agents from trains.
The llest I'reHrrintioil far Miliaria.
Chills and Fever is a bottle of 'Grove's
lasteless Chill Tonic. It is simply
iron and quinine in a tasteless form
No Cure. No l'ay. Price 50o.
Toil eggs for 15 minutes if required
hard.
I'iso's Cure cannot be too hijrhlv spoken
of as u cough cure. .1. V. O'P.ntKN, 322
Third Ave. N., Minneapolis, Minn., Jan.
0, l'.KKl.
All jais containing stores should be
covered.
Carter's Ink is inst as cheat) as noor ink
and is the best ink made. Always use
Cutter's.
It is noticed that pigs fatten very
quickly on sweet potaotes, due to the
large amount of sugar in the food, and
sweet potato growers utilize the small
potatoes for that purpose. The beet
also contains a large proportion of
sugar, and should be grown for swine,
as they are telished at all seasons, both
cooked and raw.
. Outside mikI Inside.
, it is not easy for a man nowadays in
good society to break with impunity
the common canons of morality. And
! vet are we not cnsililo thp.t it is a
good deal easier to be good outside
than inside.
There in more Catarrh in this section of the
country than all other diseases put together,
and until the, last few years wns supposed to be
incurable. For a great manv years doctors pro
nounced it a local disease, and prescribed local
remedies, and by constantly falling to cure
with local treatment, pronoHnced it incurable.
Beience has proven catarrh to bo a constitu
tional disease, and therefore requ ires constitu
tional treatment. Hall's Catarrh Cure, man
ufactured by F. J. Cheney A Co., Toledo, Ohio,
is t lie only constitutional cure on the market.
It is taken Intern all v in doses from 10 drops to
a teaspoonful. It acts directly on the blood
and mucous surfaces of the system. They offer
one hundred dollars for any case it fails to
cure. Send for circulars and testimonials. Ad
dress f. J. CH ENEY & CO., Toledo, O.
B-dd by Druggists. 75c.
Hall's Family Pills are the best.
Thin'y shelled .eggs are less liable
to crack when boiled, if put on in cold
water and slowly brought to a boil.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TAKING
When you take Grove's Tasteless Chill
Tonio because the formula is plainly
printed on every bottle showing that it
is simply Iron and Quinine in a taste-'
less form. No Cure, No Pay. , 60c.
Use boiling water when it first boils
or the gases escape and the water be
comes tint.
TO CURE A COLD IN ONE DAY
Take Laxative Bromo Quinine Tab
lets. All druggists refund the money
if it fails to cure. E. W. Grove's sig
nature is on each box. 25c.
Butter, unless clarified, should not
be used for greasing tins, etc-., as it
easily burns.
After slicing onions put the knife at
once iuto cold water, it removes the
smell better than hot.
' UMIIWII 8."
1 CURE SICK HEADACHE.
The Valley of Humiliation.
Here a man shall be 'ree from the
noise and from the hurryings of this
life; all 6tates are full of noise nni
confusion, only the valley of humilia
tion is that empty and solitary place.
Here a man shall not be let and hin
dered in his contemplation, as in other
places he is apt to be. This is a valley
that nobody walks in but those that
love a pilgrim life. John Bunyan.
Beds Are Scarce In Russia.
3eds are quite an innovation in Eus
' sia, and many well-to-do houses are
still unpiovided with them. Peasants
sleep on the tops of their ovens; middle-class
people and servants roll them
selves up in sheepskins and lie down
near stoves; soldiers rest upon wooden
cots without bedding, and it is only
within the last few years that students
in schools have been allowed beds.
This signature is on every box of the genuine
Laxative BromoQuinine Tablets
the remedy that cures a cold Id one day
Foods vary so greatly as to render it
difficult for a farmer to select with a
knowledge of the kinds which should
be used. Only certain proportion of
all foods are digestible but the indi
gestible portions are valuable in the
manure heap. Bran at $13 per ton is
worth the price, even if applied to the
crops direct, but when used as food it
assists to balance the ration by supply
ing mineral matter, thus promoting
growth of che animal while adding
greatly to the value of the manure.
Avoid banging oven doors while bak
ing, as it is the .cause of many cakes
and pastry being heavy.
A Post of DungT,
The colonel of a regiment .occupies
the post of danger. According- to the
record more colonels have been killed
in action, in proportion to their num
ber, than officers of any other grade.
A general can keep under cover, more
or less, but the colonel's position is
with his regiment, and when it ad
YiiiiCbo ho is expected to lead.
Still Store Counterfeiting.
The Secret Service has unearthed anothe;
band of counterfeiters and secured a quan
tity of bogus bills, which are cleverly exe
cuted. Things of great value are always
selected for imitation, notablv Hosteller's
Stomach Bitters, which Ims'inanv imita
tors but no equals tor disorders like indi
gestion, dyspepsia and constipation.
Emmet Bolyes. who lives near
Roseudale, Mo., has found in a ravine
a mine of curiosities. Among the
' things found are a petrified cat, a pet
rified white oak log, mussel shells, '
snails, etc. Also some fine flint In
dian arrow heads and fine specimens of
different kinds of ore.
DROPSY
hj CJ 10 D '.rS' T..EATME::- FREE.
J J5 Ea70 undo Dropsy aid iisoom
HSftV plications a pptoial-y for twuiity
iSpSP F$- years with thj most woudorful
II' 1 ,fw success. Eava cured many thous
and coses.
IJ.H.3.tBEEH'3ECK3,
Box N, Atlanta, (iju
CUTLEn'SCAPUTEcf IODINE
A guaranteed Cure for Catarrh and
Consumption. $1.01). l Lock Box 145.
W. H. SMITH & CD., Euffiio, N.Y.P.op's.
"SURE CURE FOR PILES
ITCHIM I'llot produce molsturo and cause Itching.
Jbli form, as well Mliilnd, DIvedli.R i.r Protruding
Piles are cored l Dr.Bosonko'e Pile Remedy,
btops ltcblns and bleeding. Aliorl) tumors. 60r. a
Jar atdrutfirlstt or iuut liy irnll. Treatise free. Write
me about your cane. KU. BOSANKO. l'blada.Pa.
JOHN POOLE. Portland, Orkooit.
can cue you the best bargains in general
.. vUreij, eupiiies, Doners, tanks, pumps,
plows, belts and windmills. The new
steel I X L. windmill. .l,l hv h;, la ....
I'nilnllml '
1, ImI:,, ill,
Vegetable Propnralion.for As
similating tticFoodandRcgula
ling the S toinacrts and Bowels of
Promotes Digeslion.Cheerfur
ncasandKest.ConUuiw ncitltcr
Opkiin.Morphine norliicral.
TsotKaucotic.
frmfJki iW
Innrmnt -
fit ftAmMJUit
lniiy nmr.
Apcrtrcl Remedy rorConslipa
Tion.Sour Stotnuch.DiarrhxKa
Worms .Convulsions .Feverish
ness funl Loss OF SLEEP.
Facsimile Signnture of
NEW YORK.
EXACT COPY Or 't'RAPPCR.
'Is
''-
1
l,:KJ
1
h i
m
i
For Infants and Children.
The Kind You Have
Always Bought
Bears the
Signature
of
AM
w
In
Use
For Over
Thirty Years
(The Famous German Wood Preserver)
VENARBUS GARBOLiPIEUM..
....Pormanonily Destroys...
..CHICKEN LICE AND VERMIN..
gefOnc application is all that is required. It lasts for years. B
your dealer cannot supply you, write for circulars and information to tht
following distributing agents: Perfection Pile Preserving Co., Seattle,
"Wash.; Fisher, Thorsen & Co., Portland, Oregon.; "Whittier, Coburn &
Co., San Francisco, Cal. '
DOU YOU WANT YOUR SON EDUCATED FOR A BUSINESS LIFE?
YAMHILL AND ELtTKNTII Mi.KKTH, I'llRri.tMl, OIIKGOX.
Write us. fend (or our New Illustrated Catalogue.
FINE OLD
...WHISKY...
Gin, Brandy, Rum
13 full quarts. $9.00. Per trillion, $2.50. XXX
i'ORT AND 6HKKHY. $1.M.
ALL GOOD GOODS
Orders for $i".00 and npwsrd delivered free to
Dearest Rsll rod or Steamer Landing. Blank
Canes and Kegt.
LOUIS CAHEN & SON
EitabllBhcd 30 Yeara.
SAN FltAN I8CO. CALIFORNIA.
TMt eiNTawa wmH, Ntw ten em.
If a man
Wanta to be enrfd the KEEtFY
TKKATMKNT ran cure him. No
man can be cured oi anything
attaint hit own will. Honcl for
jirinted matter that tolls all about it.
THE KEELET INSTITUTE,
814 Sixth Street. POKTLAMl, OK.
N. P. N. V.
HELP WANTED,
WANTEII-Mm ami women of (ond
character to rrprn.rut eatabllahcd hiu.
on nlMry: aplemllil o.oriuultr. Ad.
draa I'. . Itu 637. l oitland, Orcon.
WHEX writing to ad
inactlan thla air.
No. 441900.
Tartlaar plea
iVTNf lall t ',1
NOTHING BETTER MADE
Yoa can't make a tnlttake II you get a
..Mitchell..
Mitchell, heoiis & Staver Go.
PORTLAND. ORECON.
r
V