THE COOS HAY TIMES, MAHSHFIELO, OREGON, FRIDAY, APRIL 28, 1916 EVENING EDITION
U'HJ
The Central Avenue Booster
n
.si a
1 ? WP W
CENTRAL AVENUE, FRIDAY, APRIL 1W, llllll.
No. 83.
VOL. - 21
" . . - I A
- ... --. f I -( I 1
-" "" ... .! Mil I
-HiAlTAVKNl'F bachelor
T Frank Ulsc or Doc Dlx. Vj
L Itloii. KlBlilns rod. Unppl-
More
crlipe
Hospital'
"aky row l,ont. .H.pllor Pluvlus.
rain. .io"lu ""'"
IMiuiimotiin. .Mil"" "
Gloomy iioc. ."V none.
M...II..H fntl.tl1lC
Pretty nurse. --------
' Hand clasps. Diamond ring.
Jomobllo. Preacher's U.oino. .Man
Caption for Screen
-MOnAIr It "over rnlna on .Coon
lly tho Control Avonuo llonnl
of C'cnBoralilp.)
I EVER STOP TO THINK
V- 4
That no rewards nro over adver
tised far family trouble?
That a lot of Central Avcntio
pooplo hoop on looking for It Just
tho name?
That ovory day Tho Times reports
THE OENTRAL AVENUE nOOSTER
,
Published Eery Friday In the Inter
cstH of Coos liny In Generwl nnd
Central Acmio In particular.
MEAN REMARKS OK THE WATER
FRONT, ORSERVER
T
Entered at the Postoffico as strictly 'n,,,.
Hrst-Clnsa matter: flmrn In ?in(lilin J
SeC()ll(l-CI;iRS il limit fi.lllrnl Avnnnn llc83
Subscription Price. Your cnnil will'. Hon
I. ...... I I. ..I .... .... "
in. .amir. m-iweu.i ...uiioii uiiii ucrmnn nad membership In tho Uoostor Club stuto
a It h
thoy must bo nillltar
sjiile-a-wiiile
iTIixTltAli AVI2.NTE SAVINGS
'
If J.T llrrnd had a million dollara
U no'iikln't svend a cant of It for
i lap dop.
S.UII.II-A.WIIILE-
trooim?
That
brushcii
That man Is a queer creature?
Tlmt (leorgo Anlckcr will get lint
itndor tho collar If you drop a piece
of leo down Ills hack?
That Harry McKoown finds tho
easiest way to catch a fish In to nllek
a fork Into It whon tho waiter puts
it on tho table.
That a British soldier recently had
both lugs Hhot off by a cannon hull?
Tlmt ho can't kick?
That tho oditor of The Uoostor has
I boon thinking of going to war?
That's why ho hasn't gono?
Tlmt you can get groceries at cut
rates if you watch tho ads In Tho
Thnos?
OUR PLATFORM.
Ouo Street. One King, Onu Country.
.. ..and One Wife at a time
our religion.
To Uo Oood.
OL'R POLITICS.
More Ruslncss.
HIS follctl
started in
powers vif
In viow ov
conditions,
Hmco Evans has
to clean up the'
darkness on Coos
th unsettled busl-
tir ticklish sttua-
wlth tli Germans, an' our
ov spccrltual onpreparedncss,
t'hu hoped ho won't issue no
IMPROVING CENTRA Ij AVENTE
w
I
ROOSTER LOCAI.S
Within the lmwl It Is said that,
In splto of the strict anti-gambling
laws, Rob Mnrsden draws for a full
house every night, and often "fills."
When l.einau8kl lias a big house, he
calls it n Royal Flush.
SM I LE-A-W1 1 1 IjE
SMOKEHOUSE MINSTRELS
"Mr. KcNond, can you tell mo
wlm t class of pcoplo aro fondest of
bad company?"
"No, Mr. Crosthwnlto, I cannot.
Will you toll us what class of pcoplo
nro fondost of bad company "
"Why, doctors, of courso, Mr.
Kellond."
"And why doctors, Mr. Crosth
wnlto?" "Heenuso tho worse pooplo nro tho
Wo Knew It All Tlio Time. Wil
son Kaufman says tho Uoostor Is tho
real thing as an advertising medium.
He put in an ad calling city warrants
tho other day, and had n hundred oftoner thoy visit them."
answers boforo ho was down town' "Aa R00U ftH Mr McClees has
next morning. cleared tho blackboard for tho next
SMILE-A-WHILE Rnino, Mr. O. Suffryn Mnckryl will
Suvnuth of iinl.lt. Oflorcn Anlck- ronuor innt patuotic ballad: "When
.,
.. .....i. dmi'u Hin i.lfii! nT'llin
I SO. I.. """ " ' r -v r'i.i lioun ' M'.w.ll ....!
Timlin invented smokolons powder ! , ' " 7'B
jajnno iiiwnn I . . ... . ..,! rates for trlmtnliiif your ha r?
Tlmt ho Bomntlmoii collects
... .. .ii i.l fit lut nlnliL' iil.ln of
Kill Iw ulm M"
thenamo nf tho gout who can Invent
a taxless state
B.MILE-A-WIIILE
AHIioiirIi Ids business Is to soli
(lower pots I Scott hns boon
Tor-yIng a great denl lately ubout
the styl-i of tho 191U bathing suits.
B.MILE-A-WIIILE
Thero nro no Imrinltn nowadays
for If they should take to tho wondu
Al Powers would put 'om nt work
getting out logs.
The man who soKs tho offlio for
that thero Is In It Is too candid to
tver get within photographing dls
tince of It.
good
houses Saturdny night.
MEN City Engineer (lldley
drew plans nnd specifica
tions for tho Improvement
of Central Avenue, ho realized that
his career as n City Engineer had
reached a sort of zenith, nnd hand
ed In Ills resignation.
Tho Council ought to, and will,
go right ahead with this improve
ment. It Is tho only project which
0Ut'iiiH evor conio up wli'jn nobody had
I tho ftieo to get up and say It wiibii t
t0!ncodod. Tho only difficulty Is that
naino kind or rates Tor shaving? l,, Property ownors do not all ng-
That Old King Colo was a Jolly ro ou tho K,,M Proposed. Some
old soul? I people want to walk up hill to tlulr
That ho wouldn't bo nearly ifa Ilol"o. some want to go down lull,
Jolly If ho woru King of England j""'1 ol1!(!1"8 wu,lt to wnl,c l,,
rlgiit now? d?ad level. Each ouo Is porfecH
That Tho Thnos says u lingo ' wlul"K l1"3 ot,lor fol,ow fllu,uhl
stream or wealth Is pouring Into this BL,t ,lluro ""' wn' ho llin
coniitrv I '''l0 sl"ll,'u problom confront-ng
That a lot of us on Canlrnl Avonuo l'n Co,lllc" ls ,0 l',onHO evoryhoJy, of a ovont, an th' nudlonco would
huvon't ovon got our feet wot yet? ",',,' 0,,K"i "0l l" " ' ' ft hcen disappointed.
Funny thing th' wny you Lev to
ultimatums.
It wuz cn3lor for him lc ccomo
an evangelist. Rriice ununited th
nil ho had to do wuz to clip off th'
first letter ov his name an' add six
more.
Like his name, ho starts out all ' or ny8 tl)nt 8,nco ,10 Jowcrotl t)l0 I'm Dreaming of Onions I'm Dream-1
rigut, an nns aireauy got to uo a 8l(loW!llk , fronl of ,,, 8Weolery liu,lng orYou."
liai .mi.iitil (.. Vmil ..' Hi !mtl I
w.wu.. ..w..v. .. ..v..,. u m .....j
for popularity. Roth drawed
Pcoplo who attended th" meetln'
last Monday night snys It wuz'ut us
aiivortlsed. Th' hnndbllls said
"Dancln', Cardplayln' and Thcayter
goln' ". Thoy say Hruco dona tit'
dancln' all right, an' It wuz tu good
na a tlieaytor, hut they wuzn't no
curd playln'. This here fake adver
lliiln' don't dlgniry th' prorcsslon
none.
enn readily tell tho
ft oin tho now ones.
old customers'
Tho now ones
"ftlf n
aiipN
one
THE NEW WONDER
$12.50
PIIONOOHAPII
Plays Victor, Columbia, ilr
any 10 or l'J-lnch dlM:
iiH'oids, Conic In nnd hear
It.
-SMILEjA-WIIILE-
stop up nnd como In naturally, whllo The !' from the poot's fitful pen
llin ..1,1 ItlliiU t.Hlli Mini., tnna n.i Dm' Mntl'u Iflllfll llllflirn ftivllltt
unfamlllnr step.
SMILE-A-WHILE
Wo Can't See It. Horsey Kreltzer
snys ouo thing that umbos money
tight Is that so many people want
automobiles. We dunno, wo'vo boon
wanting one for thn last four years,
and wo can't seo where It's niiule
any difference In our rinaucial con
dition. SMILE-A-WHILE
4ut tho steady lay or tho honest hen
Is the thing that pays tho bills.
OEORGE ANDERSON
Th' handbills Ilrurc got out last
Monday paid th' devil Hi' highest
compliment I've heard him git from
an ovangnllst. Hruco admitted th' 0nco between prnctlco and theory?"
old man could Btay with Mm thrco Gene (right off tho hat): "Theory.
Know It Right Off. Tom Crosth
wnlto: "Kathor, what Is tho differ
rounds. Hut ov courao, If llruco
had a done his best, It 'ml a ho-m
over too soon t uiako It any kind
SMILE-A-WHILE
Whether In good tlnios or in had
most buslnoDses will vary;
Rut my lino uover fluctuates,
U'h always "stationery."
--K.MIL (lAimiELSON
McGRAW TIRES
We have just received the largest shipment ever re
ceived on Coos Bay.
For Mileage Satisfaction Reasonable Price
TRY McGRAW SEE OUR WINDOW
Marshtield Hardware Co.
llroaduny ami Central Avenue. Phono :tl
irn
e liii
and!
e tk
WHETHER AT HOME OR ABROAD
Here are some of the things that you can find here all
the time.
Pugsleys Candies Park and Tilfords
Bon Bons -Augustine and Kyes Choco
lates Bunte's Hard Candies
Hazelwood Ice Cream
Amcker's
Formerly Stafford'
Central Avenue
tlu present Council since it has
onl; to rollow precedent In that 'e
Igard
One famous rc3iilt of this conn-
cllmnnlc effort to pleaso is tho
! bridge on Control Avonuo at Four
'toouth Street, which Judge Hall, half
'hi humor nnd half out of It, termed
I "tho Corkscrew Urldgo".
I Other ofiunlly striking effects'
have been achieved. In fart, tho
general appcaranco of Central Avc
lUiio Is so romarknblo that, looking
jWost from any point down town, a
stranger would bo puzzled to know
'whether It was a street or a rollor-
coiutor track.
! fonio tlmo ago a man who hnd
Jti.il como to town, and bad also
'miiuuRcd uomohow to get past tho
prohibition law, turned round tho
'cornor r Fourth Street and took n
bleared look Wotward up Central
Avonuo to tho skyline. Ho stopped,
(took a flim grip on the Masonic
T(inplo, and muttered to n passorby:
"I been drunk In n good many
'towns, but 'sh'bolp mo I novor ahaw
a slitroot act THAT way boforo. Thoy
'ought H tmir It down."
I To say nothing or our duty In tho
luattor of Improving appearances,
wo nro bound to look nftor tho Baro
ny of tho nubile: and, us Central
git religion. If you liev sometbln'
wir.ng with your stummlck or your
i finances or your domestic nf fairs,
U'O'.i know it without anybody tellln'
!ou, nn' there's plenty ov pcoplo
'right nniong.U your clost friends
that can toll you Jest whnts wrong
jnu whnt to do. Rut If your In a
lost an' undono stnto spccrltually
you mny not know It at all, an' It
(takes a lilgh class man from th'
I outside to tell you your nllln'
inn' dopo out tb'ciire.
j SM I LK-A-W1 1 1 LB
Something New.'
Jabbers I tell you, old man, It's a
terrible thing when your wife quarrels
with her mother and the old lady lives
with you. Which side do you take?
Hiiver--Nelthor. I preserve an ulurin
ed neutrality. London Tlt-lllts.
my son, Is whnt Doc Hoiiscworth snys
ho Is going to do to Charllo McKuight
In tho pool game he's Just commenc
ing with him, nnd practice Is when
Doc afterwards pays for tho gamo.".
SM I LK-A-WII I LE
One Wny to Figure It. Krnnk
Ilortou Is agin' Ron Clinndler's now
ddg ordinance. Frank says (thero
aro several hundred dogs In town,
whllo thero aro only about half a
jdozon lawns that the dogs could hurt
any, nnd .he thinks It would bo class
legislation,
SMILE-A-WHILE
ROOSTER PERSONALS
Watchful Waiting.
Mother Gladys, you stood on tho
Vorch ipilto awhile with that young
i (nan last night. Gladys Why, moth
ler. I only Mood thero for a second.
Mother Mm I'm sure I heard the third
and the fmirth.-IMtt Panther.
Household Strife.
"Vou'ro pretty easy to see through,"
said tho cbalr leg to the window. "1
Avonuo Is now, It is positively dan- jmuko nll-theso chairs stnud around."
gerous for an a miirdor-cycla to u.
ol on tho struct moro than Torty
mllo3 nn hour.
-SM I LE-A-WH UN
LIMITED KNOWLEDGE
a-raaro-KTOi-K-acyv
Fresh Shipment
awBernes
Strawb
list is p
Asparag
fil
'
II
That limy be," replied tho hcorncd
window, "but I think I win by a
sliudo." Pciiii Stuto Froth.
Channlng on Amerloa.
Earnestly do 1 desire for this coun
try tlmt, Instead of copying Europe
with an uudlHcernlng civility, It may
liuvu a charucter of Its own, corre
sponding to tho freedom and equality
of our Instltuttdns. W. E. Chunuliig.
"Mouoy tnlks, you know, and"
began Al .Mendel.
"You may ho right," ncknowhlg-
cd lko Chandler. "I hnvo not for
u long tlmo boon nblo to got near
loiioiiBh to It to know whothor It!
does or not. I sometimes seo It
' . . .
In tho dlstnnco, making ueristvo
gostui03 ut mo with its thumb fjnrtuiilty for diplomatic liiterchango j,,, ropllod tho ei
its nose, but, that Is about ns far; down here." Washington Star. j .. -,.(l 0lt Jl0W ia
. i,i i. ill I
my acquniuiancj wiiu u goes, j - j
Talktnn and Looklna Dackward. I
Sufficient.
"Do you think wo shall ever estnfr
IIhIi communlciitlou with Mars'"
"See no reason for trying to do so,"
replied Mr. Growchcr. "Enough op-
JOHN T. HARRIGAN Bays tlmt fig
uring out how tho war Is going
to enil is Just ubout as easy us
taking a stick of striped candy
away froniia hnby.
SM I LE-A-WH I LE
POSTMASTER HUGH M'LAIN nov
or mndo a speech In public bo
foro bo was S yoar3 old. Rut now
bo Is a regular spell binder, Ills
inodo of delivery bolng a cross be
tween Daniel Webster nnd llruco
Evans.
SMILH-A-WH I LB
HORSEY ICREIT.ER thinks Wilson
It tho greatest piosldcut wo hao
had since Tart.
SMILE-A-WHILE
DAVE STAFFORD wantn to know
tho difference between an elec
tion promise and u fish story.
Will ANliur Peck pleaso toll
Iilm?
SM I LI :-A-W J 1 1 LE
D. COHAN Is busily tt
tlilB wok experimenting
FRANK
work
with .10 vein I formulas seeking
a euro for spring fovor.
SMILE-A-WHILE
JESSE TERRELL Is a firm bo
as
Hover In hair tonic.
HMILIJ-A-WIIILK
THE POOR EDITOR
"Dad," suld tho country editor's 10
year old boy, "tboro's a roller ut tho
back door says ho ain't hud notliln'
to oat for soven days." "tiling him
editor; "If wo
Kies It wo
inn run tho papor another week."
jjEMMIBMa. I HI I MM MBM.W
Direct from the Willamette Valley on the train this af
ternoon. Also a full line of FRESH VEGETABLES; all the good
Sreen things from California' gardens on todays steamer.
- '
SPECIAL GUITTARD'S COFFEE
SATURDAY ONLY
1 pound tins 35c
2 1-2 pound tins 8
At the Home of Pure Foods and Good Groceries
Sanitary Food Store
SERVICE FIRST
(Formerly Xasburg's Grocery.)
'ONE 213 KKCOSn AND CENTRAL
Wouldn't
You?
Uki to trade wRli a store
tlmt has no substitutes to
offer you where, when
you ask for Castorln, for
lustnnce, you recelvo the
old gonulno Castorla not
somo sul)3tanco made to
deceivo you. If you like
that kind of a drug store
you will like to trade at
"THE OWL" for that's the
kind of a store fliat Frank
D. Cohan has mado of It.
The Central Ave.
Drug Store
Frank D. Coluiu
Wo Deliver Immediately
Rcss-Cuu't you do this us I do It? ,
Slavey If I could I'd buvo your Job i
jr- us president of the compiiuy mid you'd ,
bo looking for tho one I gave up when
I cnnio here. Richmond Tlnies-Dls-patch.
Alway- Careful.
"Why Is It that old Closetlst novcr
has anything to say?"
"Just a development of bis general
character nnd disposition. Ho Is miser
ly even with tho parts of speech."
Richmond Tlmes-DlHpatch.
Corrected,
"Do you go ln,for uvlutlon?" he asked
tho beauty of ho high class glrU'
school.
"No; not for aviation. One goes In
for sen bathing, but for aviation one
goes up." Chicago Herald.
Most Girl Want a Cake Winner.
"My son, I hope when you marry
that girl you will show her that you
ure n breadwinner."
"You do? Well, if she can't make
It I don't propose to gamble for It."
Richmond Times-Dispatch.
Cheer Up!
Though things did not go right with
you
Today my Mm do not feel blue.
Cheer up, nod when you lilt tho hay
Tonight, just miiIIo mid Miy
"Tomorrow Is another day."
Ami I can get an El Roltun to light
my way."
THE REST CIGARS
THE REST RILLIARDS
THE REST RASER.VLL
nt
... l rit.. ...
Smokehouse
"ThatV Hie Place"
Couldn't Tell,
"nas your pocket ever been picked?"
"Really, I don't know, It uever wai
before I got married. If it Las been
slnco I of courso would huvo uo wuy
j of finding out about )t."-Chlcugo Her. a,
aid.
DR. W. A. TOYE,
DENTI8T
Hours 0 to 12; 1 to 5.
Room 201, Irving Illdg.
Central Avenue. Munilifleld
MARSHFIELD
NEWS CO.
C8 CENTRAL AVE.
(Formerly Frlzcen's)
Wo deliver any mngnzlno
or periodical on dnto of
Issun :: :: :: :i
If it isn't an ANSCO
it isn't the best
$2.00 to $55.00
Films and Developing
REH FE LD'S
220 Central Avenue Marshfleld
Ht'SINKSS PREPAREDNBSS
Consists In pocscsstng tho very latest and best offlca equipment
j nnd uo nfflro Is fully prepared without onu of our 42 Contltnotcr
Remington Typewriter.!. Thoy flro tho shots that batter down
7 the fortifications of old fogylsm nnd bring back ns prisoners
plenty of orders
Seo Mo About Terms
L. W. JACOBS
7:1 Central Avenue. Ilione S.tO-J.
WE ARE AGENTS FOR THE "DICTAPHONE"
J
Dew Drop Inn
EASTER Candies, Baskets and Ice Cream
Everything to help make tiio Easter Fcust u Joyous one. Sfx
kinds of leo Cream mill other kinds mado to onl'r.
Wo deliver rno and glvo PROMPT SERVICE.
I Don't Forgot Our Light Lunches
BARTER'S DEW DROP INN
Central Avenue Don't Forget the Light Lunches
You Want Good Insurance
Prompt adjustments of
Thfat's the kind I write,
all losses.
Fire, Life, Accident and Casualty.
Ilavo Just, added to my lino mm of tho leading llro-stock
minime companies In tho United Sttttt's,
In.
E. I. Chandler
Coko Rulldlng
Mandifluld
Teach Your Children -to
Save Money
It's the First Step in the
art of getting ahead. See
that they have a Savings
account IN THIS BANK
First National Bank c;
HOME OF THE SAVER
Mauhfield, Oregon
BE PREPARED to isliow PROSPERITY A JOYOUS RECEPTION
mid CONTINUOUS WELCOME. You run't entertain prosper
Ity, anybody, or enjoy life properly yourself unless jou have music
In the homo.
SEE US AT ONCE.
Thomas Music Company
Consolidation of Wiley II. Allen nnd W. It. Hulnes Music Stocks
Oii Central Avenue. J
PLAN TO TAKE
Sumday Dinner
AT THE
Chandler Hotel
Th Bub ef
a good menu Central AvH
U