-wt- -Mr -rf rv
y
THE COOS BAY TIMFS. MARqupio n OREGON. FRIDAY, JANUARY 21. 1916 EVENING EDITION.
THREE
The Central Avenue Booster
CENTRAL AVENUE, FRIDAY, JANUARY 21, 11)1(1
No. 71
VOL. 1.
Central Avenue's as dry today
As Sahara, in a way,
But the rain is with us yet
And the old street is st.1l wet.
L W
DISTRICT HA LKM AGENT
Remington TypewriterCompany
Monroe Calculator
"Tito Mechanical Wl.nrd"
TYPEWRITERS FOR HUNT AND SALIC EXPERT REPAIRING
I'llOHO -'"""' !
Fresh Fruits and Vegetables
Wo have a good assortment of seasonable FRESH FRUITS ami
VIXIKTAIHiUS llio choicest olitalnalilu now.
Aie you doing all your grocery trading with ns?
If not, yon had heller begin. Ask your neighbor who U trad
ing with us and let her lell oii how satisfactory It is to dado at
the Hiuiitnry Food Store.
I'm- loiiioiTon'rt maiK'et. basket we have a few suggestions:
6
t'.lllll.MIl-: CAULIFLOWER GREEN PEPPERS
HEAD LETTUCE CELERY
SWEET POTATOES PARSNIPS CARROTS '
DEWS GREEN ONIONS BRUSSELS SPROUTS squash
pumpkin cranberries
cooking applkh oranges pineapples
iiananas grape fruit
Sanitary Food Store
SER.VICE FIRST
(Formerly Nnsburg's Grocory.)
SECOND AND CENTRAL
PHONE 2I
Bring Us Your Repair Work
If your wntcli isn't keeping good tlmo, bring It In and wo will
clean It, rcgulato It, or mako whatever ropnlrs nro necessary. Our
charges aro most rcnsonablo and wo gunrantco our work.
If you liavo n precious stono Hint you want mounted or tho
mounting clmnged, wo can do It. And If you need new Jowolory
for any purpose, wo nro prepared to sorvo you.
Wilson's Jewelry Store
Wo gunrantco our repair work.
C8 Contrnl Avunuo. OTIS II. WILSON, Prop.
Table and Kitchen Ware
Just glance at our window and notlro (ho lino attractive China
nt tho low prices, either by nets or separate pieces.
Wo have some flno aluminum cooking utensils (hat snvo
woik and money for tho housewife.
Com In and let us show you (ho merits of our Kitchen ranges
Marshiield Hardware Co.
The best In tho
Broadway and Central Avenue.
Advertise in
The Booster
Hnvo you got anything to soil
or swap? Do you want to buy
anything?
THEN TRY A AD WITH US
Biggest nnd only Nowspnpor on
Central Avenuo.
Advertising rates furnlsbod
n great choor. Slrculutlon
books open to nobody. '
You'll Have to Take Our
Word for It.
DON'T BE A
TITEWAD
Pay "P yowr bnck subscription
0 the Dooter and thus fill n
l0ns felt want on our part.
NEWSPAPER ON HOT AIR
AND COLD POTATOES
p- s. U wo aro not In, loavo
06 woney wUh our wf t
uoor.
"" W. A. TOYE,
DENTIST
1 ra o t0 12. t to
C lr." .201' Irvl Bide.
Jacobs
Til Central Ave.
Hardware lino.
Phono 1
A Good Place
If you nhk anyono on Coos Day
who Knows tho places for n good
place (o drop In to while away a
few hours In (ho evening, (he ans.
wer will bo:
"THE SMOKEHOUSE"
Good billiard tables, Ko"l 1001
tables, comfortable seats; (ho best
cigars, tobaccos and (ho Into mag
aiues. Join the Good Fellows at
The Smokehouse
Central Avenue's popular meeting
place. i
When In
Want
of Fire, Life and Ma-
rme insurance wnicn
insures, see
SENSTACKEN
the
THE CENTRAL AVENUE BOOSTER
Published Every Friday In tho Inter
cst of Coos Ray la General and
Central Avcuuo In particular,
Lntorcd at tho Postofflco ns strictly
Ilrst-Class matter j thoro Is nothing
Second-Class about Central Avcnuo.
SubBcrlpllon Price. Your good will,
nnd momborshlp In tho Booster Club
JOHN HENRY OUTS THE GRIP
SAY, did you ever put on tho
goggles nnd go Joy riding with
nn nttnek of tho grlp7
It has nil other forms of nmuso
nient flushed to n lullaby tnko It
from Undo Hank.
As a Bad Boy tho grip has ovcry
other dlscaso slapped to n sobbing
standstill,
It's dollars to pretzels that tho
grip germ Is tho brainiest littlo
bug that wns over chased by a doc
tor. I wns sitting (iiilotly nt homo read
ing Mnotcrllnck on Auction Brldgo
when suddenly I began to uncozo
llko n Itusslnn regiment answering
rollcnll. v
Friend wlfo wns dcop In tho mys
teries oT luson'fl latest ucmut anient,
"The Rise nnd Fall of tho Hobble
Skirt," but sho politely acknowledg
ed my first snooze with tho custom
n ry 'Oesiindholtl"
Then sho trnlled along brnvoly,
with hor responses for 10 or 15
minutes, but It was no uso I had
moro snoozes in my system than
tlicro are "Qcsundhcltst" In tho
cntlro Gorman nation, including prin
cipalities, possession across tho sea
mid tho Musical Union.
"Jonn," slio ventured nftor a
tlmo, "you aro getting a cold."
"I'm not, gottlng It," I snuffed,
"I liavo It now."
What a menu, contomptlblo littlo
creature tho grip gorm must bo.
Absolutely without any of tho finer
instincts It sneaks Into pcoplo's
system disguised ns nn ordinary
cold. It Isn't on tho lovol llko ap
pendicitis or Inflammatory rheuma
tism, both of which nro brnvo nnd
fearless and will walk right up to
you and kick you on tho shins, big
as you aro.
Nobody over knows Just what
makoup tho grip germs will put on
to break Into tho h'umnn system, but
onco thoy got a foothold In tho epi
glottis nothing can romovo them ex
cept Inward applications of dyna
mite Tho grip germ hntcs tho Idea of
roco sulcldo.
I dlscovcrsd shortly nftor I had
snoozed my sol f into a condition of
palo hluo profanity that a nowly
mnrrled couplo of grip gorms hnd
tnkon a notion to build n nest somo
whoro on tho outskirts at my solar
plexus, nnd two hours Intor thoy
hnd almost 233 children attondlng
tho public school of my medusa
oblongata, and ovory tlmo school
would lot out for recess I would
go up In tho nlr nnd hit tho celling
j with my Lima.
Beforo daylight canio all these
crrln children had crnduntcd from
'school nnd nftor tearing .down tho
schoolhouso tho whole bunch hnd
marrlod nnd had -largo families of
tholr own, nnd nil hands woro out
paddling tholr canoes on my ali
mentary canal.
By 9 o'clock that morning thoro
must havo beon 8G.000.000 grip
gonna armed with solf-loadlng re
volvers all trying to shoot their
Initials over tho wnlls of my Inter
ior department.
It was flerco!
When Doctor nrrlved on tho
scone I was carrying enough con
cealed weapons to start something
In Jdexlco.
Tho good old pill pusher threw
his saws bohlnd the sofn, put his
dip net on tho mnntloploce, and took
a fall out of my pulse.
"Ah!" ho said, nftor ho had noted
that my longuo looked llko a curry
comb. "Tho samo to you, Doc," I said.
"Ah!" ho said, looking hard at
tho wall.'
"Say, Doc," I whispered, "there's
no uso to cut off my leg, because
tho germs will hide In my elbow."
"Do you feol shooting pains In tho
cerobollum near tho apex, of "tho
cosmopolitan?" Inquired tho doctor.
"Surest thing you know," I said.
"Havo you a buzzing In tho ears,
and n confused sound llko distant
laughter In tho panatella?"
"It's a cinch, Doc," I said.
"Do you feel a roaring In tho
cornucopia, with a tickling sensation
In the dlagragm?" ho asked.
"Right again," I whispered.
"Do the Joints feol soro and
pinched llko a poolroom?" ho asked.
"Right!"
"Dops your tongue feol rare and
hlghprlced like a porterhouse steak
at Hank Wolls?'
"Exactly!"
'"Do you feel a spasmodic flutter
Itntlon In your hunger and docs
everything you cnt taste like nn im
possible sandwich made by n gnostly
baker from disappearing bread and
phantom ham?"
a"Keno!"
"Docs your norvo ccntor tinkle
tlnklo llko a breakfast bell In n
kltchctilcss boarding house?"
"Right again!"
"Have you a feeling that tho
gorms havo attacked your Adam's
applo and thnt there won't bo any
coro?"
"Yes!"
"When you look at tho wall paper
docs your brnln do a sort of loop-the-loop
and causo you to mold 100
nces or double plnnoclo?'
"Yes, nnd 80 kings, too."
"Do you feol a slight palpitation
of tho membrane of tho Colorado
maduro and Is tlicro a confusod
murmur In your brain llko. tho
sound of a hard-working gas me
ter?" "You've got mo sized good and
plenty, Doc!"
"Do you havo Insomnia, night
maro, loss of appotlto, chills nnd
fovor nnd concealed respiration In
tho Carolina perfecto?"
"Thnt'H tho lden, Doc!"
"When you llo on your sldo do
you hnvo nil Impulse (o turn over on
your left sldo nnd whon you turn
over on your loft sldo do you feel
an ImpulBo to Jump out of bed nnd
throw stones nt a policeman?"
"There lsn'jt niiythlng you can
'mention, Doc, thnt I haven't got."
"Ah!" said tho doctor, "thon
that settles It."
"Toll mo tho truth," I groaned,
"Whnt Is it bubonic plnguo?"
' "You hnvo something worso
you liavo tho grip." Doc whlsporcd
gontly. "You hoo, I tried hard to
mention some symptom which you
didn't have, hut you had them all,
and tho grip is tho only dlscaso In
tho world which makes a specialty
of having ovory symptom known to
medical Jurisprudence"
Thon tho doctor got busy with tho
poncll gug and loft mo enough pro
scriptions to keep tho druggist In
pocket monoy throughout tho win
ter. Thon my rolntlvca and frlonds bo
gan to drop In nnd annoy mo with
suggestions.
"Pop" Burclny Bat at my bedsldo
and nftor I had barked for him
two or thrco. times ho decided I had
Inflammation of tho lungs and wns
insistent thnt I tlo a rubber band
around my- chest nnd rub mysolf
with gasoline.
I told Pop I had no dcslro to bo
como a human nutomobllo, so ho got
mad and wont homo.
An hour later Uncle Louis had,
looked mo ovor nnd concluded I hnd
galloping asthma, compressed ton
sllltls, chlllblnlnoua, croup and in
cipient measles. Ho Insisted that I
tako thrco grains of qulnlno, two
grains of nsperluo, rub tho back
of my neck with benzine, soak my
ankles In korosono, thon a littlo
phonacotlno, nnd a hot whiskey tod
dy ovory half hour boforo meals.
If I found It hard to tako tho
toddy, ho volunteered to run In ov
ory half hour and holp mo.
Thon his wlfo, Aunt Jessica, blow
In with a deduction she called cat
nip ten. Sho brought It nil tho way
from tho Bronx In a thermos bottle,
so I had to drink It or lose a per
fectly respectnhlo old aunt.
It tasted llko a llnoloum cocktail
woouw!
During tho rest of tho day ovory
frlond and relative I havo In tho
world rushed In, suggested a sure
cure, nnd thon rushed out again.
Peaches tried them all on nio,
and I folt llko tho Inside of a med
icine chest.
To mnko matters worso, I drank
some dogborry cordial, nnd It
ehased tho catnip tea all ovor my
concourse,
Thon Poaches, bolng a student
of natural history, Insisted that I
tako some hoarhound, I supposo to
blto tho dogborry, but It didn't.
Blood will tell, so tho hoarhound
Joined forces with the dogborry nnd
chased tho catnip up my family tree.
Suffering antiseptics! Everybody
with a different remedy, from snakq
poison to soothing syrup but It
cured tho grip.
Now all I have to do is to cure
tho medlclno.
. SMILE-A-WHILE
I
BOOSTER WANT ADS
WANTED A boy who can open
clams with a reference, .
WANTED A cow by ail ojd lady
with crumpled horns. Address
"A" Booster.
WANTED Room and board by a
man with ovory convenience. Ad
dress X Booster.
LOST Noar the Postofflco, an um
brella belonging to a gentleman
-with a bent rib ,nd a bone han
CENTRAL AVENUE SAYINGS j
A Bad Storm. Central Avenuo
wns almost complotcly Isolntcd last
week.
Poultry Loss. John Kronholm
found a dead hen In his hen houso
tothcr morning but whnt cnuscd her
decease John doesn't know, ns thoro
wasn't any marks of violence on
hor. John thinks sho dido of
general debility. If general debility
Is kotchln John is llablo to loso
moro lions.
Couldn't Work Bob. A man pre
sented himself at tho Noble Thcator
last night and insisted on going
Into tho picture show at halt prlco
becauso ho said ho had only ono
eye. But Bob Marsdcu told him It
would tnko twlco ns long to boo tho
show ns a mnn with two eyes nnd
charged him double.
SMILE.A-WIIILE
PERSONAL. MENTION.
OEORQE SEELIO says tho seat of
war Is tho placo whero tho stand
ing army sits down.
A. 13. NEFF Bays ho's n lucky guy.
Ho found a tray of diamonds tho
other day In n pnek of cards.
DR. A. L. HOUSEWORTH took a
Vacation this week, by having tho
grip, and ns ho Isn't horo to
wrlto anything .about himself wo
won't mention him.
13. I. CHANDLER. Bays: "Thoro
Isn't much uso In tolling a Coos
Bay girl you would dlo for hor
unless you entry a pretty heavy
llfo Insurance."
"DAD" WELCH, tho well-known
, and popular, night clork nt tho
Chandler, has decided not 'to buy
an automobile. Ho Is going to
buy an overcoat as soon as pos
sible. DOC TOYE, aftor giving tho
'matter much thought, says::
"Tho gnsollno makors nro ask
ing moro for tholr product nc-
causo thoy can get It. No othor
reason's nro necessary.
W. C. LAIRD, our popular deputy
sheriff from tho county seat,
mado a. visit In our mldBt tho
past wook to collect somo dobts
which somo of our prominent
citizens owes, but ho didn't col
lect any. Ho Bald ho didn't calk-
llato you could collect anything
with a vacuum cleaner Just now.
WILSON KAUFMAN hns boon miss
ed all wook from his familiar plac
es on Contrnl Avenuo. Tho ulcer
ated tooth proved moro sovoro and
sorlous thnn anticipated nnd ho
has beon confined to lila homo for
sovornl days. Davo Staffard Is vo
cy lonoly nnd n movement Is on
foot to provldo a proper rocoptlon
whon Mr, Kaufman roturns to his
desk whoro real estnto ordors, In
surance policies, school mattora
nnd city warrants nro waiting for
him.
. SMILE-A-WHILE
COULDN'T FOOL HER
Dorsoy Kroltzor .tolls tho Btory
on n prominent Central Avonuo busi
ness man, whoso nnmo is censored
for obvious reasons. Dorsoy wna
in tho Smokohouso tho otnor aftor-
noon when this man went to tho
tolophono nnd tho following con
versation onsucd:
"Whoro are you tolophoniiig from,
denr?"
"From tho office, dovoy."
"No you nro not. .1 can toll tho
difference botwoen tho click of u
typowrltor nnd tho click of pool
balls." Tho mnn thought tho Joke too
good to keep nnd ho told Dorsey
nnd Dorsoy told tho Booster and
tho Booster tolled tho hell.
SMILE-A-WHILE
.QUESTION FOR THE DAY
If Dr, Mnsson, tho veterlnnry
Burgeon of Myrtlo Point, Ib called
to treat pigs, who cures bacon
TO GIVE YOU
AND YOUR DOCTOR
tho best service, wo uso
only THE BEST drugs nnd
chemicals In our proscrip
tion work: namely, (hoso
mado by (ho well-known
firm of E. R. SQUIIUl &
SONS. They aro favored
by tho most exacting phys
icians and discriminating
rhariuarlsts every where.
Tell your doctor you aro
taking his priscrlntlonH (o
"The Owl"
Tho Central Avenuo Drug
Store
Stop and Ixwk at Our
Windows
HEALTH HINTS
If you must sneeze, first go to bed
And twlxt tho shoots Insert your head
Tho Indian, when he had to spit,
Spat on himself, which settled It.
Wcnr rubbers, though your feet
look worso,
Less lovely Ib Will Dungan's hcarso.
Don't yawn. Perchnnco within tho
gapo,
Somo grip germs tholr courso will
shapo.
A feed bag worn whnt tlmo you
cough
May savo anothor's taking off.
About tho boozq you need not cry,
Now that Oregon haa gone dry.
FRANK D. COHAN.
SMILE-A-WHILE
STRATEGY CHALLENGED
Tho Saturday Evo. Alibi of Pert
land prints tho following Important
nows Item nbout ono of our woll
known townsmen:
"L. J. Simpson, of North Bend,
Oro., and A. W. Strowgor, of hero,
wont out hunting ducks In tho
snow, nnd put on nightgowns so bb
to blond with tho landscape and
"Everybody Is Doing It Now"
HO ARE WE
Tho greatest, inont. Htupcndous, marvclomt, overpowering, Clos
ing Out, Selling Out, Going Out of hindiic.NH, Removal, Pro-Inventory
Af(er-lnven(ory, Remodeling, Reduction, Smoke Damage, ,Watcr
Damage, Klro Damage, Red-Tag, Marked Up, Marked Down Over
stocked Sale. All combined In ono grand offering of
Fire, Accident and Life Insurance
at prices mi low you cannot afford to go without full protection on
everything you own. Our offico lias been dosed nights for 00 day
preparing for this wile. . '
Tho Halo starts TOMORROW MORNING and will continue until
further notice. '.
Phono nnd mail ordors will receive prompt attention. Wo fur
nish Revenue Stamps with every Policy nnd mnko deliveries any
WllCI'O.
E. I. Chandler
Coke Building
Fancy Greeting Cards and Oil Painted Local Views,
Calendars, Choice Myrtle Wood Novelties, Pictures,
Photo Supplies, Framing and Enlarging,
and Kodak Finishing
REHFELDS
Special Order Work a Specialty
Central Avenue.
hw Yu a Savings Accout?
IF YOU HAVEN'T, YOUR ROAD TO COMPETENCE AND SUC
CESS WILL BE HARD
START ONE WITH US TODAY
Avoid possible loss of money, mlxups ovor receipts and other (rou
bles. In mooting your monthly accounts by paying your bills by
check. Como lit and open u snvlugs account and do business In
a busluess-llko way.
Tin First Matiooal
Eainik'?F c0os0BAT
Bl-J PREPARED to show PROSPERITY A JOYOUS RECEPTION
und CONTINUOUS WELCOME. You can't entertain prosper
ity, anybody, or enjoy llfo properly yourself unless you hnvo inuslo
in tho home.
SEE US AT ONCE.
Thomas Music Company
Consolidation of Wiley li. Allen and AY. R. Haines Muslq Stocks
0;t Central Avenue.
PLAN TO TAKE
Sumdlay
AT THE
Chandler Hotel
TheSttof '
a good menu Qentrof, Avvi t.
fool tho ducks. Tho nightgowns had
tho effect of making thorn sleepy,
and they had to talk to keep awnkc,
and n fnrmor thought they were
crnzy nnd thoy didn't get any
ducks."
SMILE-A-WHILE
SCHOOL BOOKS
1 and
SCHOOL SUPPLIES
MVo hnvo Just received
full and coinplctcl lino for
Marnhficld and rural hcIiooIm
Wo gunrnntoo to treat
you right and (o give you
tho right prices.
Children can buy hero
Just tho Paine an ferowuupH.
Wo want your business
nnd If right dealing, rea
sonable prices and good ser
vlco will get It, you will
(soon ho n patron of
MARStfFIELD
T, NEWS CO. ,
(Formorly Frlzoen's)
GabrlelNOii At .TnrvlH
Central Avo. Mars'hftold
Mnrshficld
Marshfield
Dinner
ing in the concertina?"
dle. Address "U" Booster.
l".. vai... Vurglifte