-wt- -Mr -rf rv y THE COOS BAY TIMFS. MARqupio n OREGON. FRIDAY, JANUARY 21. 1916 EVENING EDITION. THREE The Central Avenue Booster CENTRAL AVENUE, FRIDAY, JANUARY 21, 11)1(1 No. 71 VOL. 1. Central Avenue's as dry today As Sahara, in a way, But the rain is with us yet And the old street is st.1l wet. L W DISTRICT HA LKM AGENT Remington TypewriterCompany Monroe Calculator "Tito Mechanical Wl.nrd" TYPEWRITERS FOR HUNT AND SALIC EXPERT REPAIRING I'llOHO -'"""' ! Fresh Fruits and Vegetables Wo have a good assortment of seasonable FRESH FRUITS ami VIXIKTAIHiUS llio choicest olitalnalilu now. Aie you doing all your grocery trading with ns? If not, yon had heller begin. Ask your neighbor who U trad ing with us and let her lell oii how satisfactory It is to dado at the Hiuiitnry Food Store. I'm- loiiioiTon'rt maiK'et. basket we have a few suggestions: 6 t'.lllll.MIl-: CAULIFLOWER GREEN PEPPERS HEAD LETTUCE CELERY SWEET POTATOES PARSNIPS CARROTS ' DEWS GREEN ONIONS BRUSSELS SPROUTS squash pumpkin cranberries cooking applkh oranges pineapples iiananas grape fruit Sanitary Food Store SER.VICE FIRST (Formerly Nnsburg's Grocory.) SECOND AND CENTRAL PHONE 2I Bring Us Your Repair Work If your wntcli isn't keeping good tlmo, bring It In and wo will clean It, rcgulato It, or mako whatever ropnlrs nro necessary. Our charges aro most rcnsonablo and wo gunrantco our work. If you liavo n precious stono Hint you want mounted or tho mounting clmnged, wo can do It. And If you need new Jowolory for any purpose, wo nro prepared to sorvo you. Wilson's Jewelry Store Wo gunrantco our repair work. C8 Contrnl Avunuo. OTIS II. WILSON, Prop. Table and Kitchen Ware Just glance at our window and notlro (ho lino attractive China nt tho low prices, either by nets or separate pieces. Wo have some flno aluminum cooking utensils (hat snvo woik and money for tho housewife. Com In and let us show you (ho merits of our Kitchen ranges Marshiield Hardware Co. The best In tho Broadway and Central Avenue. Advertise in The Booster Hnvo you got anything to soil or swap? Do you want to buy anything? THEN TRY A AD WITH US Biggest nnd only Nowspnpor on Central Avenuo. Advertising rates furnlsbod n great choor. Slrculutlon books open to nobody. ' You'll Have to Take Our Word for It. DON'T BE A TITEWAD Pay "P yowr bnck subscription 0 the Dooter and thus fill n l0ns felt want on our part. NEWSPAPER ON HOT AIR AND COLD POTATOES p- s. U wo aro not In, loavo 06 woney wUh our wf t uoor. "" W. A. TOYE, DENTIST 1 ra o t0 12. t to C lr." .201' Irvl Bide. Jacobs Til Central Ave. Hardware lino. Phono 1 A Good Place If you nhk anyono on Coos Day who Knows tho places for n good place (o drop In to while away a few hours In (ho evening, (he ans. wer will bo: "THE SMOKEHOUSE" Good billiard tables, Ko"l 1001 tables, comfortable seats; (ho best cigars, tobaccos and (ho Into mag aiues. Join the Good Fellows at The Smokehouse Central Avenue's popular meeting place. i When In Want of Fire, Life and Ma- rme insurance wnicn insures, see SENSTACKEN the THE CENTRAL AVENUE BOOSTER Published Every Friday In tho Inter cst of Coos Ray la General and Central Avcuuo In particular, Lntorcd at tho Postofflco ns strictly Ilrst-Class matter j thoro Is nothing Second-Class about Central Avcnuo. SubBcrlpllon Price. Your good will, nnd momborshlp In tho Booster Club JOHN HENRY OUTS THE GRIP SAY, did you ever put on tho goggles nnd go Joy riding with nn nttnek of tho grlp7 It has nil other forms of nmuso nient flushed to n lullaby tnko It from Undo Hank. As a Bad Boy tho grip has ovcry other dlscaso slapped to n sobbing standstill, It's dollars to pretzels that tho grip germ Is tho brainiest littlo bug that wns over chased by a doc tor. I wns sitting (iiilotly nt homo read ing Mnotcrllnck on Auction Brldgo when suddenly I began to uncozo llko n Itusslnn regiment answering rollcnll. v Friend wlfo wns dcop In tho mys teries oT luson'fl latest ucmut anient, "The Rise nnd Fall of tho Hobble Skirt," but sho politely acknowledg ed my first snooze with tho custom n ry 'Oesiindholtl" Then sho trnlled along brnvoly, with hor responses for 10 or 15 minutes, but It was no uso I had moro snoozes in my system than tlicro are "Qcsundhcltst" In tho cntlro Gorman nation, including prin cipalities, possession across tho sea mid tho Musical Union. "Jonn," slio ventured nftor a tlmo, "you aro getting a cold." "I'm not, gottlng It," I snuffed, "I liavo It now." What a menu, contomptlblo littlo creature tho grip gorm must bo. Absolutely without any of tho finer instincts It sneaks Into pcoplo's system disguised ns nn ordinary cold. It Isn't on tho lovol llko ap pendicitis or Inflammatory rheuma tism, both of which nro brnvo nnd fearless and will walk right up to you and kick you on tho shins, big as you aro. Nobody over knows Just what makoup tho grip germs will put on to break Into tho h'umnn system, but onco thoy got a foothold In tho epi glottis nothing can romovo them ex cept Inward applications of dyna mite Tho grip germ hntcs tho Idea of roco sulcldo. I dlscovcrsd shortly nftor I had snoozed my sol f into a condition of palo hluo profanity that a nowly mnrrled couplo of grip gorms hnd tnkon a notion to build n nest somo whoro on tho outskirts at my solar plexus, nnd two hours Intor thoy hnd almost 233 children attondlng tho public school of my medusa oblongata, and ovory tlmo school would lot out for recess I would go up In tho nlr nnd hit tho celling j with my Lima. Beforo daylight canio all these crrln children had crnduntcd from 'school nnd nftor tearing .down tho schoolhouso tho whole bunch hnd marrlod nnd had -largo families of tholr own, nnd nil hands woro out paddling tholr canoes on my ali mentary canal. By 9 o'clock that morning thoro must havo beon 8G.000.000 grip gonna armed with solf-loadlng re volvers all trying to shoot their Initials over tho wnlls of my Inter ior department. It was flerco! When Doctor nrrlved on tho scone I was carrying enough con cealed weapons to start something In Jdexlco. Tho good old pill pusher threw his saws bohlnd the sofn, put his dip net on tho mnntloploce, and took a fall out of my pulse. "Ah!" ho said, nftor ho had noted that my longuo looked llko a curry comb. "Tho samo to you, Doc," I said. "Ah!" ho said, looking hard at tho wall.' "Say, Doc," I whispered, "there's no uso to cut off my leg, because tho germs will hide In my elbow." "Do you feol shooting pains In tho cerobollum near tho apex, of "tho cosmopolitan?" Inquired tho doctor. "Surest thing you know," I said. "Havo you a buzzing In tho ears, and n confused sound llko distant laughter In tho panatella?" "It's a cinch, Doc," I said. "Do you feel a roaring In tho cornucopia, with a tickling sensation In the dlagragm?" ho asked. "Right again," I whispered. "Do the Joints feol soro and pinched llko a poolroom?" ho asked. "Right!" "Dops your tongue feol rare and hlghprlced like a porterhouse steak at Hank Wolls?' "Exactly!" '"Do you feel a spasmodic flutter Itntlon In your hunger and docs everything you cnt taste like nn im possible sandwich made by n gnostly baker from disappearing bread and phantom ham?" a"Keno!" "Docs your norvo ccntor tinkle tlnklo llko a breakfast bell In n kltchctilcss boarding house?" "Right again!" "Have you a feeling that tho gorms havo attacked your Adam's applo and thnt there won't bo any coro?" "Yes!" "When you look at tho wall paper docs your brnln do a sort of loop-the-loop and causo you to mold 100 nces or double plnnoclo?' "Yes, nnd 80 kings, too." "Do you feol a slight palpitation of tho membrane of tho Colorado maduro and Is tlicro a confusod murmur In your brain llko. tho sound of a hard-working gas me ter?" "You've got mo sized good and plenty, Doc!" "Do you havo Insomnia, night maro, loss of appotlto, chills nnd fovor nnd concealed respiration In tho Carolina perfecto?" "Thnt'H tho lden, Doc!" "When you llo on your sldo do you hnvo nil Impulse (o turn over on your left sldo nnd whon you turn over on your loft sldo do you feel an ImpulBo to Jump out of bed nnd throw stones nt a policeman?" "There lsn'jt niiythlng you can 'mention, Doc, thnt I haven't got." "Ah!" said tho doctor, "thon that settles It." "Toll mo tho truth," I groaned, "Whnt Is it bubonic plnguo?" ' "You hnvo something worso you liavo tho grip." Doc whlsporcd gontly. "You hoo, I tried hard to mention some symptom which you didn't have, hut you had them all, and tho grip is tho only dlscaso In tho world which makes a specialty of having ovory symptom known to medical Jurisprudence" Thon tho doctor got busy with tho poncll gug and loft mo enough pro scriptions to keep tho druggist In pocket monoy throughout tho win ter. Thon my rolntlvca and frlonds bo gan to drop In nnd annoy mo with suggestions. "Pop" Burclny Bat at my bedsldo and nftor I had barked for him two or thrco. times ho decided I had Inflammation of tho lungs and wns insistent thnt I tlo a rubber band around my- chest nnd rub mysolf with gasoline. I told Pop I had no dcslro to bo como a human nutomobllo, so ho got mad and wont homo. An hour later Uncle Louis had, looked mo ovor nnd concluded I hnd galloping asthma, compressed ton sllltls, chlllblnlnoua, croup and in cipient measles. Ho Insisted that I tako thrco grains of qulnlno, two grains of nsperluo, rub tho back of my neck with benzine, soak my ankles In korosono, thon a littlo phonacotlno, nnd a hot whiskey tod dy ovory half hour boforo meals. If I found It hard to tako tho toddy, ho volunteered to run In ov ory half hour and holp mo. Thon his wlfo, Aunt Jessica, blow In with a deduction she called cat nip ten. Sho brought It nil tho way from tho Bronx In a thermos bottle, so I had to drink It or lose a per fectly respectnhlo old aunt. It tasted llko a llnoloum cocktail woouw! During tho rest of tho day ovory frlond and relative I havo In tho world rushed In, suggested a sure cure, nnd thon rushed out again. Peaches tried them all on nio, and I folt llko tho Inside of a med icine chest. To mnko matters worso, I drank some dogborry cordial, nnd It ehased tho catnip tea all ovor my concourse, Thon Poaches, bolng a student of natural history, Insisted that I tako some hoarhound, I supposo to blto tho dogborry, but It didn't. Blood will tell, so tho hoarhound Joined forces with the dogborry nnd chased tho catnip up my family tree. Suffering antiseptics! Everybody with a different remedy, from snakq poison to soothing syrup but It cured tho grip. Now all I have to do is to cure tho medlclno. . SMILE-A-WHILE I BOOSTER WANT ADS WANTED A boy who can open clams with a reference, . WANTED A cow by ail ojd lady with crumpled horns. Address "A" Booster. WANTED Room and board by a man with ovory convenience. Ad dress X Booster. LOST Noar the Postofflco, an um brella belonging to a gentleman -with a bent rib ,nd a bone han CENTRAL AVENUE SAYINGS j A Bad Storm. Central Avenuo wns almost complotcly Isolntcd last week. Poultry Loss. John Kronholm found a dead hen In his hen houso tothcr morning but whnt cnuscd her decease John doesn't know, ns thoro wasn't any marks of violence on hor. John thinks sho dido of general debility. If general debility Is kotchln John is llablo to loso moro lions. Couldn't Work Bob. A man pre sented himself at tho Noble Thcator last night and insisted on going Into tho picture show at halt prlco becauso ho said ho had only ono eye. But Bob Marsdcu told him It would tnko twlco ns long to boo tho show ns a mnn with two eyes nnd charged him double. SMILE.A-WIIILE PERSONAL. MENTION. OEORQE SEELIO says tho seat of war Is tho placo whero tho stand ing army sits down. A. 13. NEFF Bays ho's n lucky guy. Ho found a tray of diamonds tho other day In n pnek of cards. DR. A. L. HOUSEWORTH took a Vacation this week, by having tho grip, and ns ho Isn't horo to wrlto anything .about himself wo won't mention him. 13. I. CHANDLER. Bays: "Thoro Isn't much uso In tolling a Coos Bay girl you would dlo for hor unless you entry a pretty heavy llfo Insurance." "DAD" WELCH, tho well-known , and popular, night clork nt tho Chandler, has decided not 'to buy an automobile. Ho Is going to buy an overcoat as soon as pos sible. DOC TOYE, aftor giving tho 'matter much thought, says:: "Tho gnsollno makors nro ask ing moro for tholr product nc- causo thoy can get It. No othor reason's nro necessary. W. C. LAIRD, our popular deputy sheriff from tho county seat, mado a. visit In our mldBt tho past wook to collect somo dobts which somo of our prominent citizens owes, but ho didn't col lect any. Ho Bald ho didn't calk- llato you could collect anything with a vacuum cleaner Just now. WILSON KAUFMAN hns boon miss ed all wook from his familiar plac es on Contrnl Avenuo. Tho ulcer ated tooth proved moro sovoro and sorlous thnn anticipated nnd ho has beon confined to lila homo for sovornl days. Davo Staffard Is vo cy lonoly nnd n movement Is on foot to provldo a proper rocoptlon whon Mr, Kaufman roturns to his desk whoro real estnto ordors, In surance policies, school mattora nnd city warrants nro waiting for him. . SMILE-A-WHILE COULDN'T FOOL HER Dorsoy Kroltzor .tolls tho Btory on n prominent Central Avonuo busi ness man, whoso nnmo is censored for obvious reasons. Dorsoy wna in tho Smokohouso tho otnor aftor- noon when this man went to tho tolophono nnd tho following con versation onsucd: "Whoro are you tolophoniiig from, denr?" "From tho office, dovoy." "No you nro not. .1 can toll tho difference botwoen tho click of u typowrltor nnd tho click of pool balls." Tho mnn thought tho Joke too good to keep nnd ho told Dorsey nnd Dorsoy told tho Booster and tho Booster tolled tho hell. SMILE-A-WHILE .QUESTION FOR THE DAY If Dr, Mnsson, tho veterlnnry Burgeon of Myrtlo Point, Ib called to treat pigs, who cures bacon TO GIVE YOU AND YOUR DOCTOR tho best service, wo uso only THE BEST drugs nnd chemicals In our proscrip tion work: namely, (hoso mado by (ho well-known firm of E. R. SQUIIUl & SONS. They aro favored by tho most exacting phys icians and discriminating rhariuarlsts every where. Tell your doctor you aro taking his priscrlntlonH (o "The Owl" Tho Central Avenuo Drug Store Stop and Ixwk at Our Windows HEALTH HINTS If you must sneeze, first go to bed And twlxt tho shoots Insert your head Tho Indian, when he had to spit, Spat on himself, which settled It. Wcnr rubbers, though your feet look worso, Less lovely Ib Will Dungan's hcarso. Don't yawn. Perchnnco within tho gapo, Somo grip germs tholr courso will shapo. A feed bag worn whnt tlmo you cough May savo anothor's taking off. About tho boozq you need not cry, Now that Oregon haa gone dry. FRANK D. COHAN. SMILE-A-WHILE STRATEGY CHALLENGED Tho Saturday Evo. Alibi of Pert land prints tho following Important nows Item nbout ono of our woll known townsmen: "L. J. Simpson, of North Bend, Oro., and A. W. Strowgor, of hero, wont out hunting ducks In tho snow, nnd put on nightgowns so bb to blond with tho landscape and "Everybody Is Doing It Now" HO ARE WE Tho greatest, inont. Htupcndous, marvclomt, overpowering, Clos ing Out, Selling Out, Going Out of hindiic.NH, Removal, Pro-Inventory Af(er-lnven(ory, Remodeling, Reduction, Smoke Damage, ,Watcr Damage, Klro Damage, Red-Tag, Marked Up, Marked Down Over stocked Sale. All combined In ono grand offering of Fire, Accident and Life Insurance at prices mi low you cannot afford to go without full protection on everything you own. Our offico lias been dosed nights for 00 day preparing for this wile. . ' Tho Halo starts TOMORROW MORNING and will continue until further notice. '. Phono nnd mail ordors will receive prompt attention. Wo fur nish Revenue Stamps with every Policy nnd mnko deliveries any WllCI'O. E. I. Chandler Coke Building Fancy Greeting Cards and Oil Painted Local Views, Calendars, Choice Myrtle Wood Novelties, Pictures, Photo Supplies, Framing and Enlarging, and Kodak Finishing REHFELDS Special Order Work a Specialty Central Avenue. hw Yu a Savings Accout? IF YOU HAVEN'T, YOUR ROAD TO COMPETENCE AND SUC CESS WILL BE HARD START ONE WITH US TODAY Avoid possible loss of money, mlxups ovor receipts and other (rou bles. In mooting your monthly accounts by paying your bills by check. Como lit and open u snvlugs account and do business In a busluess-llko way. Tin First Matiooal Eainik'?F c0os0BAT Bl-J PREPARED to show PROSPERITY A JOYOUS RECEPTION und CONTINUOUS WELCOME. You can't entertain prosper ity, anybody, or enjoy llfo properly yourself unless you hnvo inuslo in tho home. SEE US AT ONCE. Thomas Music Company Consolidation of Wiley li. Allen and AY. R. Haines Muslq Stocks 0;t Central Avenue. PLAN TO TAKE Sumdlay AT THE Chandler Hotel TheSttof ' a good menu Qentrof, Avvi t. fool tho ducks. Tho nightgowns had tho effect of making thorn sleepy, and they had to talk to keep awnkc, and n fnrmor thought they were crnzy nnd thoy didn't get any ducks." SMILE-A-WHILE SCHOOL BOOKS 1 and SCHOOL SUPPLIES MVo hnvo Just received full and coinplctcl lino for Marnhficld and rural hcIiooIm Wo gunrnntoo to treat you right and (o give you tho right prices. Children can buy hero Just tho Paine an ferowuupH. Wo want your business nnd If right dealing, rea sonable prices and good ser vlco will get It, you will (soon ho n patron of MARStfFIELD T, NEWS CO. , (Formorly Frlzoen's) GabrlelNOii At .TnrvlH Central Avo. Mars'hftold Mnrshficld Marshfield Dinner ing in the concertina?" dle. Address "U" Booster. l".. vai... Vurglifte