THE COOS BAY TIMES. MARSHFIELD, OREGON, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 17, 1915 EVENING EDITION. "
THREE
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The Central Avenue Booster
r
' H H' M t' vi 1
M
CENTRAL AVENUE, ' FHIDAV, HECEMIlElt 17, HUB
No. 00
U.VI,""p
COOK'S GROCERY
CHRISTMAS GOODIES
o nlili ) Merry Christ niiiiK, or bettor than (lint A Happy
Christ nun. For liiipplmwM Is nunc desirable mill more uiiiliii-In
llIOn merriment. '
And may this Happy Christmas crown a year of
Jlnppy Dnj.s.
KVKHVTII1NCJ KOH THE
111(1 DlXNKIt
COOK'S
GROCERY
P
ROMPT
OPULAR
ROGRESS1VE
riiouo mo.
JEWELRY
The Most Permanent
of Christmas Gifts
I havepna of the nicest
linos from which to select
jkrwr) Christmas gifts. In my
A stock you will find
fe COMMUNITY SILVER
rtoLyi im i nniQ ywi
and PATRICIAN
Parisian Ivory Articles.
WATCHES CLOCKS CHAINS'
GIFT RINGS PLAIN RINGS SET RINGS
FINE SELECTION OF AGATE JEWELRY
BRACELET WATCHES BRACELETS
PEARL NECKLACES LAVAUERS
BROOCHES, BEAUTY PIN SETS, CUFF BUTTONS, ETC
Wilson's Jewelry Store
78 CENTRAL AVE.
Open Evenings.
bat (fc- IfHSi
m Wt(7)zM A
USS
.7 L--r ,- v
PHONE 151-L
PLAN TO TAKE
Christmas Diraaer
AT THE
Chandler Hotel
The Hub of
Central Avenue
A GOOD MENU
CENTRAL AVENUE MUSIC STORE
PIANOS, ORGANS, VICTROLAS, RECORDS, SHEET
MUSIC AND EVERYTHING IN THE MUSIC LINE
We will be glad to arrange terms if you cannot
pay all cash.
Thomas Music Company
Consolidation of Wlloy 15. Allen mid W. H. Wnlneii Music Stocks
l): Central Avenue.
1
ywr mm
?
Wt Ill .1.,. ..... t,MH
"""a tho yeast, mill don't hlaino
lwwlr If .1... 1 ..f ,a
? anil llsht nh thoy bhould ho.
is likely tho flour.
4 J)H. W. A. TOYE,
DENTIST
Hours 9 to 12; 1 to 5.
Hooni 204, Irvhitf Wdg.
Central Avenue. Mnrshflold
When Jn
Want
f Vv I if ft and Ma-
, " iik-oly tho flour. Ui w, .--
Jitter order n sack of our flour jngfjfance which
' ion will buro money niuli
" 11 Oil
liy doing so.
' II If
I O
.airaes
Antral Ave. mid Waterfront
insures, see
SENSTACKEN
the
Insurance Man
-., I
THE CENTRAL AVENUE BOOSTER
,
Published Every Friday In tho Inter
ests of Coos nny In Gonoral und
Central Avenue In particular.
Entered at tho Postofflco as strictly
FlrsUClaBs matter; thoro is nothing
Second-Class about Central Avenue,
Subscription Price.- Your good will,
and membership In tho Booster Club
AN OFF-HAND ILLEGAL OPINION
DISTRICT ATTORNEY LJLJE
QVIST ha gono to Salem, wo
notice, to sco if nil tho District
Attorneys togethor can't figure out
the new prohibition law. All theso'
attorneys havo studied this law
carefully, and, wo think nbly, and
if It is not clear to them Just what
It means, it Is right thoy Bhould get
together and thresh It out. Wo
ought to know a few Httlo things
nbout tho law boforo wo mako our
Now Years resolutions. ,It would
b'o awful to get pinched for taking
a drink standing up, it tho law real
ly contemplates our taking it in a
kneeling posture, or requires us to
bo in such a Btato of health as to
land UH in n recumbent position.
It appears to tho Booster thai,
for tho long tlmo wo havo been at
it siuco Moses put on his specs and
looked around for a flat stone, wc
haven't got this lawmaking business
flown to a very fine point. Ono of
tho things wo try to teach school
boys Is to express themselves in
plain English, so wo understand
what they mean. Hut seems ltn
possible for thoso who wrlto tin
laws to say what thoy mean, o.'
mean what they say, or for anybody
olso to find out what thoy say, or
what they mean.
A law finds Its Inception In the
public mind which demands It. Af
ter wo linvo pretty well thought out
what law wo want, somebody has
to wrlto It out. Then it Is "Initiat
ed," and boforo it is voted on Its
supportors and Its opponents pick
it all to ploccs nnd tell us everything
wo may expect If It Is passed. Then
wo voto on It, and If it carries, wo
think wo havo a law and know what
It is. Such Innocence The attor
neys havo to got .busy with it, tako
It all apart llko a toy engine, to sco
what's insldo of it, and how tho
whools go round. Then thoy hand
It hark to us, with tho J)nrts tag
ged and labeled, nnd with "diroctlan
how to operate," ns many of them
ob tliero aro attorneys. It don't
look llko It did, hut Its ours wo
can keep it, can't wo? Not at all!
Somebody Is going to say wo can't
havo It at all. It will ho argued
boforo the courts, who will event
ually lot us know whether wo can
havo it or not. If we are told wo
can, (lion wo don't know 'what It
means yet, nnd another long proc
ess boforo tho courts will bo nec
essary boforo wo fcnow what this
law of ours means. And so forth,
ad infinitum.
It scorns to us sometimes that tho
real humorists of earth aro tho law
makers. They assumo great gravity,
but thoy must havo n Koaa many
laughs up their sleovos. Take, for
Instance, tho word "brlof." This
is ono of tho merriest Httlo Jokes
ovor; for tho chief characteristic of
a "brief" Is its poudorous longth
Another proof of their humor Is
that thoy put In laws what aro
termed "Jokors."
Nobody suspected a Joker In the
prohibition law, but hero It bobs
up, as usual. The, affidavit required
when purchasing liquor must Btato
that it Is "for sacramental purposes."
Tho only hopo of nny other con
struction' rests flimslly upon tho
chance word "substantially."
Wo can hardly bellevo this. To
our untutored lay minds that stuff
don't look right. Wo know mighty
well tho churches hnd nothing to do
with such a Joko, because thoy havo
beon tho most porslstent onomics of
nlcohol, and wo don't bellevo they
would wish to bo placed In tho posi
tion of being tho only ones privileg
ed to uso tho curse. It occurs to us
that somebody has been "Joking"
with a rather sacred matter. Wo
absolutely rcfuso to believe anybody
oyer had aiiy idea of an affidavit
reading twonty-four quarts of. beer
for sacramental purposes." Or two
quarts of whisky ditto." clthbV.
nosh! The Intent of tho law Is.
plain. Wc all voted for two quarts'
of whisky or twenty-four quarts' of
beer per month, for nnyono who
wanted It, nnd would get It right.
We know very well wo did. And If
this painstaking quibbling must
forever bo necessary, we'd better
chuck tho constitution and go back
to tho Incantations of tho MedlMno
Man to find out what'B what. That
would bo absoluely and purely Amer
ican, at any rate.
SMILE-A-WII1LE
I CENTRAL AVENUE SAYINGS
Xmas Gifts for Men
Wo havo havo
a special effort
effort this year to
provido the gifts
that men will ap
preciate. If you
cannot stop In
telephone us ' and
you select tho
wo
gift.
will 'holp
Wo liavtt
II EST UltANI) OF CIGAHS IN..
CIIHIST.MAS PACKAGES
FATIMAS IN SPECIAL CllltlSTMAS
PACKAGES
IM POUTED PIPES
FULL LINE OF SMOKEUS'
NOVELTIES "'
HOUMOUS OF SMOKING TOUACCO
Muko Your Gift Mako Hlin Happy
The Smokehouse
Central Avenuo's popular mooting
placo.
PEUSONAL MENTION.
:
EUGENE CHOSTHWAITE thinks It
would seem queer If, during tho
noxt DO' years nil tho men by tho
nnmo of Smith ''would only marry
girls of tho samo nnmo.
J T. HAHltlGAN has it hnd cold In
his chest and says unless ho can
got it cured up ho fears ho shall
go Into a decline. Wo hopo ho
will that Is wo hope ho will get
It cured up.
LEW THOMAS nindo n trip to Ilan
don this week. Low likes Han
don becauso It sounds so much
llko a Hand nnd anything with
music In It appeals to Low, es
pecially if there's har-monoy In
it.
A T. HAINES now tho leading hay
king of southwestern Oregon at
ono time didn't know tho dltfer
ouco between n halo of hay and
Dr. Straw. Thut shows what en
ergy. Intelligence and application
will do.
HAY OLLIVANT, ono of our formor
Contra! Avcnuo boys was undor
tho weather Thursday nnd It prov
ed so serious that ho laid-off for
n day and enme over to Central
Avonuo to enjoy tho salubrious
cltmato hero.
GEO. COOIC was ono of tho conspic
uous lenders in tho hrllllnnt
Mooso social event last Tuesday
ovonlng. It was a much discuss
ed question ns to'wliothor council
man Cook or Mayor Allen was
tho liandsomdst nian at tho party.
0. A. MINT0YNI3, tho Coqulllo Val
loy Applo Klui; attended tho Elks
ilnnco on Central Avcnuo Wednes
day night nnd presented ovoryono
with ono of his cholco pieces of
fruit. J. W. Hlldonhrnnd says f
tho ono Evo gnvo Adam was as
good as Mlntoyno'b he doesn't
ulamo tho first man Adam bit.
W. S. CHANDLER, the man who put
tho Cent In Central Avenue, came
down from his South Coos River
homo this week. Ho was a Httlo
lato In reaching town and snld
that' tho reason of delay was milk
ing tho goats and cows. Dr. Miu
gus said that ho was willing to
mako a small wagor that said
milk potted very Httlo cream.
COLHY PERRY camo In from
his now homo on North Eighth
street this week anil spout somo
tlmo on Contra) avenue. Ho call
ed on his old friend J. T. Hurrl
gau whom ho has named King
Pater of Sorbin and Harrlgan
Insists that Perry is the King
o(. Greece in disgust
of Greece in disguise.
J). I. MAGEE, our popular drug
salesman, left our midst this
wtfek, after enjoying two or three
-hours' nap In tho afternoon. Snld
nap, according to Don Gardluor
nnd Leonard Haker, was not only
to'galn physical rest; but to cn
ablo Jay Doyle to put tho finish
ing tourhos on McGeo's suit of
clothes for tho visit.
Off and On. Tho weather of tate
has been stormy ono day and clear
tho next. Den Osttlnd, weather man,
says tho lino on his chart of weather
conditions looks Just llko tho busi
ness eilgo of' a paw.
Waste or Material. Tho Oregon
Pojvor Company ubcb fourteen win
dow cards to Inform the public" that
Us Central AvoHm display window
qontalns "practical gifts." Wo bet
Roy Lawhomo could .have put that
nit on ono enrd.
Very Popular. It's hnrd to Jell
whp has thh'most friends rlght,;nbw,
Mnyor Co'pplo, with a bunch of ap
polntmcnts to make, or Jay Doyle,
with a now Ford. Doth are snld to
have stated thot pcoplo havo been
very friendly Hint thoy never thought
liked them very much.
Santa on Central Avenue. Santa
Claus made his appearance on Cen
tral Avenue Wednesday, followed by
his court of small children. Thoro
fwan Just enough doubt In tho minds
of tho children to mako It fascinat
ing, as It is with older minds about
such things as getting to heaven.
Enough Wot. Rnln is not needed
wo learn from Frank Cohan tho
pop. phnrmnclst nt "Tho Owl," who
Bays ho secured tho Information
from tho official weather bureau.
Frank says Mio is satisfied If tho
veathor bureau Is. Frank is nlwnys
agreeable.
No XotVH About Al. For thrco
weeks now wo havo tried to find
out somo nows about It in Tho
Iioostor. Hut nono has happened
which calamity wo doplore. Wo
hopo by noxt wcok Hint something
will happen to Al, so wo can print
It. If wo ain't got no nows about
Al wo can't print nono, can wof
Answer, no!
Denies It,. .11 in Kcllond Is Indig
nant nt tho report that ho is seek
ing appointment as dog catcher un
dor tho now city administration and
says thoro Is not ono word pf fact
In It. Ho suspoetB "Dnd" Welch of
circulating tho report nnd If ho enn
,sccuro sufficient ovldouco ho will
commcuco suit for criminal libel,
doggone It.
Woikn SoiuetlmcH. Walter Hut-
' lor says tho momorlos of his child
hood aro so potent that all ho hns
to do when ho wnutB to wake up
early In tho morning Is to hang his
'Stocking up on tho foot of tho bed.
John Forgusou says ho trlctl hanging
up his for tho samo purposo on
Walter's suggestion, but that tnere
was nothing In It.
lapaii Takes Honor From Uh.
Wo notice In somo hotlor pinto
stuff they worked off on tho editor
Inst wook an Item stating that "tho
t most vicious bIiccIch of crab Is found
in Japan." Wo had thought somo
times that Central Avonuo hold this
honor, but aro glad to ylold to sci
entific authority which makes us
appear good-natured by comparison,
at least.
Just tho Way You Look At It.
Stranger, (slightly under), outoring
Gordon's Shoo Store: "Olvo mo u
glass of lager." Lionel Gordon:
"This Is n hIioo store, not n saloon."
Strnngor: "Well, you advertlso lager
'on your sign outsldo, don't you?"
Lionel: "No, that Is n shoo sign
It's 'Regal.'" Strangor, (looking
again) "I beg your pardon, I read
It from tho bottom up."
The Hanker' Thoroughfare. Cen
tral Avonuo Is tho favorlto thorough
faro of tho Coos Hay bankers. Ho
sides tho largo forro In tho First
National, who walk In slowly about
eight In tho morning, and eniergo
with a rush towards four p. in.,
thoro can bo seen, around meal
times, Ralph and Joo Williams and
Herbert Hustorud, of tho Flanagauft
Hennett Hank, and John Ross and
Iteldar Huggo, of tho Scandinavian-
American, walking westward on Cen
tral Avenue, Just liko mad.
Don't Delay in Picking
Out the Christmas Gift
t'onio in now Mlillo wo still have n Inrjio iiviortinont of tlioso
liaiidsomo MYHTLE WOOD NOVELTIES.
You can't find n gift Hint will bo as much appreciated. Thoy
aro light, 'easily packed, nnd tho cost of heading them is small.
REHFELDS
, Special Order Work n Specialty
Phone U75-J. --0 Central Avenue'
HAVE YOUR CLOTHES CLEANED NOW AND AVOID
1 THE CHRISTMAS RUSH
JAY DOYLE
TAIIOHINO CLEANING, PRESSING
Will call anywhere any time.
250 Central Avenue Phono 2.-50
Christmrs Dainties
We have a complete stock of the special fruits
and vegetables which every housewife will need in
preparing the Christmas feast.
1 Phone us your order early.
For the Christmas tree, wc have the nuts; 'fruits '
and candies. .,
FOR SATURDAY
We have a good supply of seasonable fruits and
vegetables both Coos County and imported.
IF It's Good and On The Market.
We Have It
Sanitary Food Store
SERVICE FIRST
PHONE Ul
(Kormeiiy Niuslnir'H Grocery,)
SECOND AND CENTIIAL
The Gift of
Genuine Service
WILL UK EOUND AT THIS STOUE NEW (JOODS AND NEW
ASSOHT.MENTS CIIAUACTEUIZE OUH PHESENT OITEIIINOS.
MOST (IHATIKVlNri CHOICES MAV UE .MADE FHOM THE
FOLLOWING LINES:
COMMUNITY SILVER
A uciv tdock of tho latest and most popular pnt terns.
CARVING SETS
A com! iiNMirtmciit of Htylen ami niiaJltloN- prices art) tic
clilcdly nuitleiato for tttiictly Mult timillty rooiIh. .
ALUMINUM WARE
l An flno a collection tin jon could auk nil of tho mott
tlcrtlrahlo uteiiHllN aro to he fount! In either Mumped or ratt
aluminum,
r
FLASHLIGHTS, POCKET KNIVES, HIFLES, SHOT GUNH
iiml hlKh-Kmrio tools of ovrry h'ort now offer uplcndld
hclcetlon for tho imu to ho lemcmheretl.
Marshtield Hardware Co.
Tho IioNt In tho Hardware lino,
llroatlwny ami Control Avenue. Phono HI
PREPAREDNESS
Ih now tho National wntcli worth Within n few yearn wo cvpoct
to little itn army of nlxuit a million ,nntl a half men. Our navy
will ho iniTcithcd hy ten dread nought , id i-mlncrs, RU den troy era,
100 mihnmrlucs,
i So mmli for our Natlonul tlofcuxo uifitlutit forcltfu focn. How
nhout join- pci-Minul dcfvnso?
, . MOBILIZE VOUIt MONEV
Deposit your dollars In till hank ami you will ho hulltllui: up
mi in my of prcparcdiiOHM n;iiluft "hart! times," accident nail III
ht-nlth. Ono dollar Mm-lx tho at count.
Wo will htnrt no Imij-m ami kIiU ullh A DOLLAH DONATION to
each on Chrlstumx. Havo your uovn ami ylrN register tomorrow.
first National Bank of Coos Bay
Marshfield, Oregon
For Christmas Gifts
VOTIIING IS NICEH THAN A SELECT UO.V OF STATIONEUV
Wo havo tho Intent hooka In fiction and will ho pleased to or
dor uny hook you desire.
For tho Httlo folks, wo nro Santa Clau3' headquarters.
Marshfield News Company
(Formerly Frl.eon'M Store.) Oentrwl Avenue
Wo' will deliver apy mnpuiiio or newspnpor to your home u
tho day of publication.
EFFICIENT SERVICE
PHOMPT AND CAUEFUL ATTENTION GIVEN
TO ALL LINES OF 1NSUUANCE ;: : : ::
E. I. CHANDLER, Insurance Agency
Coke HulMlns . -- MarMilleld, Or
3
VNHHHHHflHHH &mmm'KHlllimimimmmimi
A
(- - J.