J
.njorHxA' .
EVERYBODY IS DOIN' IT. WHAT? BUYING TICKETS tfOR ELKS' SHOW, DECEMBER 5 AND 6.
'Pago Sox.
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PROFESSIONAL KYARDS
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Sheepherders, Lawyers, Loggers, Hack Drivers,
Bunco Stcerers, Porch Climbers, Animals and a few
Gentlemen.
BR. W. A. TOYE,
THE TOY DENTIST.
Dolls a Specialty. Office 3 Doors from the Corner,
two flights up.
' .. i - - i - -.. -
"" ' '- - ' ' ' - ' ' ' i
BR.B.C.VAUGIIAN,
SAME BUSINESS as the feller above.
Office Hours 10 minutes past Half Past Six A . M.
1 1
BR. R. W. MORROW,
TEETH EXTRACTED WITHOUT PAYIN'
Make your appointments early. If you can't come
today, come To Morrow.
WHY NOT JOIN
BR.H.E. BURMEISTER,
DENTAL CORRESPONCE SCHOOL.
Learn to pull teeth by mail.
Office : Next door to the Hospital, North Bend. Frco
Ambulance.
-ii hi
G. G. TAGGART, M. B., which stands for mud doctor
Special rates this week for amputating two or more
legs in one family.
Sweets 2009, 2107, on the 21st Floor of the Coko and
Charcoal Building.
BR. A. L. HOUStiWORTH, M. B.,
Physician, Surgeon and Billiard Shark.
My latest and most successful operation was perform
ed recently on R. P. Smith when I cut out his booze.
Office Phono 143-J. Residence Phono, 143-L.
Call Often. Always Welcome.
BR. G. W. LESLIE, Osteopath all paths lead to my
Office.
Don't go to Taggart to have your leg out off, como to
mo and have it Pulled.
Seventh Floor of the Eldorado Building. Take the
Elevator and Walk Up.
W. U. DOUGLAS,
LAWYER AND TALK SPECIALIST.
Tele-Phony Deals a Specialty. No case too small it'
the Feo is Large.
Offico in Coos County Bar Association, next to Bar.
;,WHN D. GOSS, with the aid of Miss Miller and
Mr. Kendall, endeavors to
PRACTICE LAW
in the Bar Association Building.
I mil tho man ulio dlscorero.l (ho new Jdeji In Jiirlspriidcenco
u hereby a lawyer can servo both plaintiff and defendant jn tho
same. case, and collect fees from both. Am now successfully prac
ticing this profitable. Hue.
o j Mcknight,
LAWYER, LTAR AND AFTER-DINNER
HOT AIR ARTIST.
Vest Pocket Railway Law a Specialty. Attornoy by
Special Appointment for the Marshfiold Cat
Ranch Company.
Office: In the basement of tho Tabernacle Building.
HARRY G. HOY,
ATTORNEY AND PUGILIST
Handles Cases with and Without Gloves. Wo are
not a member of any ring but are always ready
to enter it.
Permanent Office Address: Caro Police Gazette.
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1IAVK A LOOK IIAVI-3 TWO
LOOKS ltKAI) TI1U
MIOSPKCTUS.
COOS HAY PUSSY CAT HAXCH
CAPITAL STOCK JjST.f.OOO.OOO
PItOMIXKXT IIUSIXH8S MUX OK-
riCKHS IX LAUGH XNW
COItl'OHATIOX.
Have Another Look nt Our Oflleor.
President, George Rotnor.
Vlco President, Al Powers.
Interpreter, Dorsoy Kroltzor.
' Buyer of Cats, C. P. McKnlght.
Secretary and Janitor, L. J. Simp
son,
REAL ESTATE WHEN
INVEST IN CUT STOCK
basis. It Is a well known scientific
fact that ono cat that Is an adopt at
tho business will manufacture, nnd
turn out In a finished states 12 kit
tens a year. This will place In our
hands 12,000,000 skins a year to soil
at prices raiiRliiB from 10 cents for
puro white, to 7C conts ench for
black; an average wo will say, of 30
cents each. Twolvo million skins nt
.'10 cents each will yield an lncomo to
tho company of $3,000,000 a year,
or $300,000 a month or Just $10,000
a day from skins alone. Cat-ch on?
It Is estimated by exports In Bkln
games that ono man can skin GO
cats In a working day of 10 hours.
Adept skinners can bo hired for $50
each and board at an oxpenso of,
say, $ 1 a day each, for avorago feed
ers. It will rciiulro a working forco
of 100 men to oporato tho cattory
Musical Director and Cat Doctor, which makes tho oxpenso for labor
W. A. Toyc. $200 a day, leaving a net profit of
Chief Cat Herder, L. A. LIlJoqvlBtJ $0,800 a day or $291,000 a month to
bo divided among tho shareholders
Opon all night. No sleep till morn Doesn't that dazzle you?
whoro cats In concert moot. Frcol in order to feed theso cats wo
concerts ovory evening at which tho
very best cat talont on earth will ap
pear In solos, duots and wild, wlord
multitudinous chorus. Gentlemanly
and affectionate Thomas Cats furn
ished old maids who fcol tho need of
loving companionship and can do no
hotter. Cash paid for cats and cat
esses of ovory grade. What fur? Fur
fur, of course. Musical cats from
which flddlo strings aro procured
proforrcd.
Tho usual got-rlch-(uIck methods
of tho ago compared to ours aro as
tho paco of tho snail that Isn't In a
hurry to tho arrow-llko flight of tho
excited Jnck-rabblt. If wo cannot
provo this to your ontlro satisfaction
wo ngrco to allow you to proposo our
names for honorary membership In
Thcodoro Roosevelt's Ananias club,
and to regularly attend tho mootlnga
of that groat aggregation of distin
guished liars.
Has It over occurred to you as a
shrewd business man thnt thoro Is
money In cats. Just plain, ordinary,
evorydny cnts, wlth-no prldo of an
cestry or hopo of futuro distinction?
Thoro is, doad oodles of It, and If
you wish to bocoiuo a bloated accum
ulator of untold riches, study well
our schomo, and then go to It.
Wo proposo to ostnbllsh on Nob
IIIU a mammoth cat ranch with a
capital stock of $75,000,000 divided
into 75,000,000 shnrcs of a par valuo
of Ono Ruck each. Wo will begin to
do n business thnt will mako tho
fur fly with a working stock of- ,-
000,000 cats. Tho original promoter
of tho schomo was tho author of tho
Shorter Cat-cchlsm now In uso In
many churches, nnd as n result of ov
erwork upoil that popular production
ho haB over since been nffllctod with
cnts on tho brain. This has bcou n
bonoflt to him, for becauso of cnts
In thnt region ho has novor bcon
nffllctod with rats In his attic.
Now, Mr. Woalthseokor, Just study
theso figures and If thoy do not show
you how a porfect cnt-arnct of wealth
will flow down upon you until It
will almost throw you Into a cat-a-loptlo
fit, your foresight must bo a
darned sight dimmer thnn your hind
sight. Tnko 1,000,000 cats as a working
proposo to oporato a rattory adjoin
ing tho catory. Competent authori
ties who have mndo an oxhaustlvo
study of rntology agreo that rats
multiply four times as fast as cats,
honco with an Industrious stock of
1,000,000 rats thoro would bo a pro
duct of four ratB a day for each cat
not possessed of an abnormal appo
tltc. This will supply cat food with
out cost ns no herders would bo ro
rcqulrcd to kcop tho rats on tho
reservation, It being a well known
fact that when n rat establishes It
self In any placo It hangs out tho
"Hero to Stay" Blgn. In order to
feed tho rats tho carcasses of tho
skun cnts will bo thrown to them,
nnd ns wo will linvo one-fourth ns
many cnta to kill as wo havo rats to
feed, wo will havo one-fourth of n
cat's corpso each day for each rat.
Thus It Is scon thnt tho rats will food
tho cats and tho cats will feed on tho
rats and both will contribute to tho
fcodlng and fattening of tho bank
balances of stockholders with no ox
penso to tho company.
Wo nro In correspondence with
sovornl largo manufacturers of flddlo
strings with whom wo will no doubt
closo contracts for tho Intestines of
tho cats at profltablo figures, thus
adding greatly to tho revenues of tho
compnny, and tho bones of tho cats
and rnts aro now being negotiated
for by a rollablo firm of breakfast
fond makers in Michigan.
If you wish to got In on tho ground
floor of this fortuno building propo
sition you will hnvo to hurry and at
onco got busy with your checkbook
boforo tho rush begins and tho
local banks find It Imposslblo to han
dlo tho paper.
As an Inducement of n glittering
naturo which will appoal to ovory
nmusomont lovor n ticket to tho "lllg
Nolso," tho minstrel nnd vnudovlllo
ontortnlnmcnt to bo given by tho
.Marshfiold D. P. O. K will bo pro
sentod frco of chargo to tho pur
chasers of ench $1 sharo of tho capi
tal stock of tho cat ranch. Address
nil communications and mnko all
checks payablo to
GEORGE ROTNOR,
President Marshfiold Pussy Cat
Ranch, Room 23, MUllcoma club.
MARSHFIELD CASH MARKET
HENRY FOURIER, Boss,
Meat Chopper, Buyer and Bizzy Manager.
Cut prices in nice cuts of Walrus Mont, Elk Steak,
Elephant Steaks and Grub Stakes.
P. S. Dog gone it, we forgot to speak about our
sausage. o
BR. E. E. STRAW,
(Originator of the Straw Vote.)
POLITICAL PHYSICIAN AND
STATESMAN SURGEON.
WATER CURE SPECIALIST.
If you can't see that I am tho greatest Mayor that
ever happened in Marshfiold, there is something
wrong with your oyes. Come to me I am an J special
ist, in fact the great "I" AM.
(N. B. I didn't have the cash to pay for this adv
and it was refused until R. P. Smith went my secur
ity. I desiro to make this public acknowledgement of
his kindness.)
THE SPEEDWEM
The Floating
Passenger Palace
of the Pacific
The new steamer that makes ocean tin.
vui uuiwcim onn urancisco and Coos
Bay a dream instead of a nightmare
Tho great anti-race suicide boat fifty
berths on every trip. y
You will be so pleased with the service
and appointments that you will forget
to be sec sick sec ?
Make your next trip on the SPEED
WELL and you will fare well as well
as speed well and well you will be so well
pleased you will say '
"WELL, WELL, THE
SPEEDWELL FOR
NORTH BEND HARDWARE and
SUPPLY CO.
CEMENT, BRICK, LIME, PLASTER, SEWER
PIPE, TILE, ETC.
HARDWARE, TINWARE, CROCKERY.
Plumbing and Tinning.
NORTH BEND OREGON
TELEPHONE
The most oflicient protection in case of fire, sick
ness and accident; it confers the greatest pleasure
socially and expedites your business; to have one in
your home and placo of business is belter tlinn a bank
account.
r
Mars'hfield's only rival of Caruso Guy Chambers wubllng "I w
SIMPSON LUMBER COMPANY
THE ONLY LUMBER YARD IN NORTH REKm
OUR FIR LUMBER MAKES GOOD WINTER OVER COATS. JRYOOTOFOTO TWO BY POURS. JUST THE THING TO SUBDUE YOUB
MARSnFIELD BRANCH: Somewhere inttic CHANDLER HOTEL, where" you can got GOOD BOARD
. a. -,! aiu- mu ouupson -unmoor company Sing? Were you Board
PLANKS FOR POLITICAL PLATFORMS A SPECIALTY.
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