- - THE NEW yORTH WEST, THURSDAY, OCTOBER 27, 1881.
CUHRKNT DRIFT.
METRICAL MELANGE
V
. MISCELLANEOUS ADVERTIHEMENTH.
T
Sitting down on' a hornet' ret Is stimulating
but not nourishing. 1 -
A tender-hearted man would always turn aside
gather than step on a wasp when he wan barefooted.
- There Is only one May to make a boy keep quiet,
and that Is to set him to work yelling to scare-
: crows. , ' . , , ). ' ''
- Almost' any man can send a boy on an errand,
; tut only ill wealthy have leisure to spare to wait
for blta to gel back. -fA
ftundav school bov. unin beinir asked 'what
iftdelhe Tower of Pisa lean, replied i VlJecause of
the famine in the land." - . '-P-
. Beecher says' "w pray too much." ThU ex
plains why.the average newsaper man's breeches
lways bag at the knees. - t;
' The reputation of a roan Is like his shadow
gigantic when it precedes, and pigmy (n Its pro
portions when It folpws him.
rJAj'old adage says that "courtesy opens many
lors." True, and it's Infernal discourtesy doesn't
hut them aga I n.-r-Uott on ir$t.
ProfeHMorUUev says kerosene is sure death to
Insects In airtageMCi--,tniay be In stages, but how
-mbout In hotels 7lAiwcU CiUzen.
XdowntowninarrrWho-w'ent-to church - last
fiunday, remarked afterward that he preferred the
organ to the preacher, lie said there seemed to
be a&top to the organ. . J
Gold is Judgel,of Its fineness by comparison
with a carat, the human heart is measured by the
teat', and some heads are suggestive of the gentle
abbage. Jlonton Tiniet. " . . -L.
When a Chicago woman wants a divorce, she
gets witnesses to "wear that she has Just discov
ered her husband to be a St. Iuls man, and the
Court releases her from the disgusting mesalliance
-t once, lloton-ltt. ,,. ; L -.
The little town of -Elmr In Switzerland, which
was almost ntirely overwhelmed by a landslip
ome months ago, is threatened with another
catastrophe of the same nature. The devoted
town mightwlthxeason, be called Slippery Klmr
Beware "of ' theTandlady who merely 'keeps
' boarders for company' or "because the house is
. too largej.! ILyou have ho flesh to lose hunt up
some sensible person who makes' a business of
.' running a boarding-house,, and Is not-ashamed to
ay so. Philadelphia Sews. "
AMrr JohnirtdnreTt!MwaierrM ichhaa gone
to England,' w.h'ere sho proposes to collect three
' hundred or four hundred servant grrls to bring
Lack with her. It Is not more servant girl that
America wants.' What thls'couBtry really sutlers
for is somebody who can successfully boss one of
them. Chica Jo Tribune J '
Mrs. O'Brien publishes a card, at Hock Island,
.111., to say that Methodism Is a failure. She has
been brought to that way of thinking by the con
duct of the Rev. Mr. Meredith, who converted her,
Induced her to elope from her husband, and finaTy
. deserted her. She has humbly returned to the
- Roman Catholic church. V- "
An old gentleman, finding couple of his nieces
fencing with broomstickspsald: "Come, come
my dears, that kind of accomplishment will not
'ald you In gettlpg husbands-1 JL know t,
uncle," responded one of the girls, as she. gave a
lunge, "but It will help to keep our husbands iu
order when we get them."
A grandfather, coming to read his paper found
that he had mislaid his spectacles, and thereu (Km
declared r "I have left toy glasses somewhere and
can't read the paper." A little four-year-old girl,
outside and look froo ze window and I will hold
ze pater up-s rat you can read It." ;
A young Biddeford man propose! for. thehaad
r hi i -.1. 1. .. t . . ..a ...
oi a iH'auiiiui gin iskik v wuk
replying, he said: itl await your answer with
bated breath." The girl, "who Is a good deal of a
humorist, sald,:MWell, MrV Man, you will have
to bait your breath with something besides high
wines and Llniburger cheese to catch, your hum
ble servant. Oood-cvenlng."
A girl at Anderson, Ky., desired a new-hat
trimmed profusely wlth'bright-cplored feathers,
according to rihuHngfahlon; but hftd.no money
-to buy tliem.A in1lliant-huel rooster came her
way, and she killed him, plucked his feathers;
and adorned the hat exactly to her liking. But
the owner of the fowl had her arrested, and she
"wore he-hat Jn cpurtyjnstead of church, as she1
had Intended.- " '-V ' '
A Board of Directors of a railway are jh session.
The means of obviating the frequent accidents on
the ros1 being under discussion, and a very ex
pensive system of signals having been proposed,
"Iet us nee about thls'fSays one of thejttoard
"What are the average 'damages for every one
killed ?" He is told, and he at once falls to calcu
lating with pencil and paper. In a few minute
he emerges -with an air of -decision. "Gentle
men," he remarks, "there Is nothing further to be
aid about it. ; I find that your -signal system for
the prevention of accidents would coqt the com
pany much more than the accidents themselves.
The question is settled." French Paper.
MrsTAciiED Giria "Yes," said a St. Louis
professor, wlfca asked about the frequency of such
cases, "there are a considerable number of ladies
afflicted with beardsT The trouble usually occurs
In women who are of dark complexion, and more
frequently in middle age than In youth. When
.you see a dark woman with large, bushy-4 eye
brows, which nearly grow together, you may be
pretty sure that she can grow an Imperial if she
will only' take the necessary pains. . Hirsute
adornments are not so frequent in young women,
although they sometimes occur. A girl often has
a heavy growth of down upon the upper lip or
chin.- ii annoys her, and she is feeling it and
pulling' it continually.. Terhapa she endeav
ors to clip It with a scissors, or, In some
, cases, to shave It. The result is a heavier growth
prominent mat u
must be removed.
the hair, makes its appearance Is on the upper lip
or chin, although it sometimes appears on ine siae
of the face, and even on the throatV -In the course
-Atitty-firnjt tpo t hgvf, Af n more than one woman
' who could raise a heavy beaixilfTshenly'wlshedt
10 cultivate it."
. : " ... . 'u-ii
Ti- PI
-Hbtrt her saktt If s mn-
twenty, strong at thirty, learned at forty and
rich at fifty, he will never be handsome, strong,
learned or rich In this, world." Statistics. Ob-
,.A PACK OF LEYPS. ? ,
A iiicmImV drooping of the . ' '.'.,-.t
' A timid flutter at nurpreyea, "
A half a aoore or inor of . ..
- Koins tider word pot ever wvy -
. Call forth appropriate repjeyeij L.
Willie rountlena kliutea eiuplimtfye -
-.t Then to a dollar atore he hey,e; ".
A ring that look tike gold be beyea?
HArk to hi rhartner'he quickly flerea, '
4.- Upon her dlglta put the preyea, '
. With rapture he cannot dUgpyea, "' ,
And thlnka he'a hainty; we aurmeyea.
-"Klrvatftfjltitilieay Journal.
t
ORSERjVANT "BRUDDKR QARDNEI
" I)e tig sunflower may rUe, above
De inodeat Mater 'vine, ... ,
And brag about hla Sunday clotbea"
I ' And, j? ut on air wTflne
Hut when de Winter- howla around,
And tie anow Ilea at.de doah,
I)e big aunflower, oh I where ant bet
r" Ie Mater haa de floMh." (
A XVER'H l'lIILOMOritYTT
'The' nlghf'wua' beginning to 'lower;
My heart waa o'er! udenf with woe;
I climbed the ateop atepa of a tower,
.- Jtud guxed on the city "below. r
Falne glel.t . I would leap thro' the distance,
rs lown,down to the cruel atonea whirl,
Rut a man only hath one existence, .
And the wide world hath many a girl
PROPHETIC HISTORY.'
"VThenrreald'eii t "A rt h ar to led thla Inud,-
Hffwas-agoodty-chtef ; ; ;
He put In Jail the atar route band.
And bung ach treasury thief.
LltehJUUt Monitor,
-r- A CORN DOIKJER." ; - i
There was a young girl from Bordeaux,
"With eorua.on-her little, pink teauxf ,
Thejr.gave her audi pain "
The tears raullke rua
Down the bridge of herelegant neaux.
J,Ier lover a youth fnm Cologne-?'
Fled wildly. and . left heralognels
' When he found thatjjef feet : ,
With corna were replete;
With nevera word he had floghe. .' . ;
They aent for a doctor from Lynn. "T .
Aa ahlnlng and neat as pynn ;
He looked at her teaux,
The source of her weuux, . .
And Indulged In a gratified grynn.
II prescribed for this maid from llordeaux, .
And cured all her little pink teaux ;
And now It Is aald
They two will Im wald, -And
from aorow and grief And repose.
- .
THK MAD. MAD Ml'HE.
Out on the margin of moonshine land
Tickle me, love, In these lonesome vlba .
Out where the whlng-whang loves to stand,
Wrltlngjils name with hla tail on the sand,
. And swiping It out wHh-til-4iogerlsh hand
Tickle me, love, la. these lonesome ribs. '
the-Tfi blier of gungs and kkst-
TIcTrle me, love. In these lonesome ribs
Or what'ls the sound that the whlng-whang seeks,
Crouchlng'low by the winding creeks.
And holding his breath for weeks and weeks T
Tickle me, love, In these lonesjime. ribs. i
" . .' ' ? r . ..
Anoint him the wealthiest of wralthy things I
, Tickle me, love, In these lonesome rtbs '
TIs a fair whlug-whangess wlthfbosphnr rings, -And
bridal Jewels of fungs and stings, "
And she sits, and as sadly and softly sings.
As Hie mildewed whirr of her own dead wings.
-Tickle mejlear; - -"f "
. ; Tickle metiers i ...
. .-Tickle me, Jove, Jn my lonesomS ribs t
tiob Burdrttf,.afler Swinburne.
IlUMANIf AIR-GOODS
All Kind of Ladieg Front Piecei, Scalpettet,
..- ,'. Wivfel and XfonUgiiea, in
Natural Curly Hair L
i
The most complete stock of '
II XJ M A. IV HA I It 0,0 O r S !
" , ' -, .In the Northwest.
V10-W0RK A SPECIALTY. -Wi
TLJEVa, 333. a.w ,A00,
T No. 04 Morrison Street, Portland.
COIN 18 THE GREAT
LUBRICATOR
or BiautESM.
XS EXCIIAXOE TnEREFOR, : - - . -
"... . HIM CO THE PRINTER
Is prepared to execute all manner of work In hla line and
The most frequent place where ainUiwI bianUies lu the most satisfactory manner.
Try him. rorget not the pn
Wsklasrta KtrMi, SfwrtlasMl.
Macat Inea and Musle Rooks bound In the best stylea."
IiPgal Blanks of all kinds for sale, and Catalogues aent on
appltcaHoni..,. - felOU
sruR mm Ji"a ak3 ctiAKiawm
Ht'llADI sY CO.. .
9W Third atreetPtC Salmon "an"3 TayTor; rrfIsn;t)"regoi.
Ilka, Velvets, Utlea ireasea. tlaaks, MaaUIIss, reaiken
. aa wests lletklag
. . Cleaned and Dyed In any Shade or Color. Nj, -
Thr3 -
Northwestern Marriage Insurance Go.
OF PORTLAND, OREGON.
- iNhHirojuTKnuxDKit iw laws of oreoon. - 's-' ,
Charter Perpetual Capital, SI 00,000.00.
rtSr.twT"
. . OFFICER8 1
CHAHLlHEGELlrrestdettte :T
JAME KTKEU Treasurer. c . vv
HENltV ACKEHMAN, Vice-President
"ATB. ORO.SS, Secretary and Manager. .
DIRECTOR8 1
'J. WrWl I A ImLEY; of the law firm of Whalley, Fechhelmer A Ach.
'HENRY A4?KKHXlAN, of Hi Ackerman A Co., Wholesale Crockery, etc.
-MF HTEEU Cashier FlrsOJatlonal Bank. -'
- H. JULU'8 MEYER, of Fleokensteln.A Meyer, Wholesale Liquors.
I CHARLES HEGELEy-of Alisky A Hegele, Wholesale Confectionera. -
1OLICIEH OF FROM ONE THOtTHAND TO TEN TIIOCHAND DOLLARS) EACH IHNUKD TO UNMARRIED
permms of giMxi moral character upon payment of an aunual premium of $5 on each thousand for males under 19
and females under IS; and frt per yeitr on each thousand for all alve those ags, for the Unit four years; after which
only II iter thousand will Im chanted during unmarried life. In addition to these annual premiums, and commencing
next Febrtiury, n monthly rate, graded according to nge, will also he levied uiMtn eHch UKW of Insurance, vis.: X all
under UyurM,2ciUsJJ years.! cents; Li years. W cents; It years, .7 cents; l.t years, S5 cents ; iri years, II IS j 17 years,
IX at W years. It 3ii 1 years. SI ft); 'Ji toiyeant, l ft) ; 25 to .t years, II 7 : and all above Si years, 13 00 per month.
Jht- ttotUttK pulU'lii's of iu or Icms are not, undvr pain of forfeiture, allowed to marnr within six months front the
date of niif-h Mllt'y, and t hi we lioidlmc imi) Iclus of a irreatrramouatlhaji I Vtare not al lowed to marry within the first year.
IVtllrle are piiyahle nt the end of tfie year in which marriage occurs at the rate of 2ft per eenl for every year from the
date and amount of m lev. after which, all further 4nteret ccasea. For example;- A, who Is ti years old. takes out ST
policy AtnriiHt t, forSltks). puylnv SH. on the flint of Feiimary following he commences; paying monthly does of
II hi, and then marrhn. It Im'Iiiu six Mtonths from the dale of his olley f he still continues to pay It M) per month on til
the tlrxt of AiiKi)Ht, IHKi. when he re-lves one-fourth the amount of his policy, less four annus! premiums, leaving him
fiM net, havliiK only pnld out 115, nd hi. Mlcy Is I lien canceled. B Is of the same age, and takes out a like policy at the
ssme time, but mnrrlc the second year, and receives twice s. much aa A did.. V takes out a like pollev.and marries) the
third year thenHfter, re4ivliig three times as much lHneflts as A, or three-fourths the amount of hla Inaurance. Dalao
lakes out a slmllnr policyytmt- full to nutrry until the end of the fourth year thereafter, when he receives the full
mount, IliXM. K toon out a tMtlicy of at the same time, paid five times ks much premiums and monthly duea, but
recclvt:d,.Nccordiiig to date of marriage, five times aa much benefits ; and soon for any other age. or amounts.
Fartlcs residing where no agency has yet been estatill.hed may procureipollclea by sending direct to the home offloe
or ivearcNt agency, giving ilate and place of birth, and at the .ame time remitting by money order, rcglatered letter or
check I-' or Iri. according to age as stated above, for each IHMIof In.urance deslrtd. t'ontracls made on the present basis
will not le nlfccled v hii v lilttli-r THtemf monthly dues which may hereafter le deemed liecesiiary.
TlrhTTsTiureTy a Tioine iiixlUiitlon, and tl)e. namenof the officers, directors and references given In circular, with Its
stock eapihtlHMW a MitUiUutluuru4iitit:xiX.lU perfei:trpllHblllty. .'
; Knergetlcni:ents"wBiitel everywhere. All authorised acnta are under bonds, and carry Ihelrcommlsslons with them;
Aa to the fetiNUillltytof this plau of Insurance and the ability of the company to promptly meet all its engagements,
or for any other particular), address .. - - A. 5. CROS8. 8eOret.ary.
Homk Orrn-K ltoim &I, t'nlon Block (entrance on Mark street, Portland; Oregon. ,
N O T I C E T O M l IjIj I N E U S .
We are now opening our
..or..
MILLINERY GOODS!
IMPORTED DIRECT -FJROM THE EASTERN HANI77ACTUEEE8.
Special Inducements Offered to MUllnen 8tartisf Bualnei.
The Freahna of pur Coode and the ttivypnoea must
tlon of all Cloae Buyers
rajsiMrw
Atten-
LEWIS & STRAUSS,
'XQtX"r3BriertQx,tr
ESTABLISHED (807.
-T.
SHINDLER A CHADBQURrJE,
Manufacturers of Furniture,
: IdtALJtRJLIS,
Carpeto, Furniture KVlirrorG. Bed-
ding, etc 1
SdllOOLDKSKS AXrJPECIALTY. -
tSTHontl lot Cntulofruo find Trloo-LtMt."wt
Ware-rooms extend through 90 feet, from Flint to Front streets, between
Morrison and Yamhill, l"ortland, Oregon.
J . V A N B E U lip E N ,
"? No. 107 Pint Street, Portland, 6r." " "
Diamonds,
Watcheo,
-
Jewelry,
Silverware.
a-
'ArriTal of a beantiM selection of newest deilgns in ererjr line. Prices below all competition.
Importations direct from Europe and the East Special Attention called to the collection of Pine
Diamonds and New Honntings ael5
jossrn BvaxnAKn.
PACIFIC
'', MORTON M. SPACLMKO.
MARKET.
BTJE
lhArTj
Butchers and Paokers,
And Dealers In All Kinds of
F REX 1 1 AVO CURED ME ATM, BACOK.IIAMB LARD,
3Band 37 B Street, Corner of Second,
rOltTIiATI V,' OREftOJfr-
Hpeclal Attention given to Mupplytng Hhfps. ' salt U
.A . Northwest corner Front and Alder streets,
. Is the. Only Usee In Portland where you can get
ENLARGEMENT OP OUR QTORE.
OLDH
Mm. laa First Mi
...DKALEE IK
CROCKERY, GLASS AND PLATED WARE,
r -
Tho Celebrated "Hcc" OIL
THUROTATtlOiTAURANTrrKr-
J V they are now located In their New and Knlara-ed hv
hoom, adjoining their old stand, and Invite the Inspection
of the pu bile. . , " Bsyl '
,t
.1
most remarkable fulfillment.
All work warraated. - Jyl
UOOD BQUAII MEAL TOR It CIXTfc
TJOE IIOOE PILLO.