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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 27, 1900)
I ,n that ! Ml ne day. ESUnT3 wbe. I wont '"', the same OM BU J'.'i ., were dear lu the little jjjwide street running up aud " Za to alt on the purines warn I,-- ,,. trained to ciiuiu, T: IIJ In tlM dear old time. 0 old cbr. h with It. wooden 'i. It stood f 3ror'! fSS ".o kn.lt and (the bowed Jtfc little oiu --' - rjSTnc Jean UN Juat 'He who are batting tUo bull e ..J.r . . jrtTllttlf t.wiML fair nnd free, UJ""" . I... ......I In ulnv kif omu""" ,u"re wl,h n,c! ,...u u bnnw, o dear. ,,,,flr' fcfjS when It used to stand; IW.T,h .I...V. .1 her huiui- "fi. ui.hh my band laid !irt ''"" faltering "'us ,vcrc .J tat little "M Pnr,or ,uer' IB? .1... Ilnli- luwn. iSTti.g In her easy chair 'JJW, in ' lm k t,uk LftAttld m-n that 1 loft one day, jkB-a unlet, -tut ,J nan, .hut It hud when I went JwU en tb ?me oM bill; I (tftbe fri-'" tnai i ve ir. mm w -. -or lb ire but otrangers to mo. ISCrlbed 1 of the little nld ttOfM I ll.nl I IWVIT kllOVV. KkVSeam that WM dear of the "old . ... in' rnme true. I Jrtfo Times-Herald. mi... .11 1 1 fhrnorrh fhn s I, Ilium " ......... .. ... lioiiiuii grove to meet Leonlta ttWtt the oroek lie wondered why j. m grown no different! why she Immt would ihiy the games that w ' i i ..i ...i - ... ((f Jtlrt they uou pmy-u wri"' i, .ht dk-now went round by the bridge ujiroulil uot lot hlui uualat her ucross( tk itreaui. Hlirti he roaohed the open he bow bt iiiudluR by the road at the top of li, hilL A horseman who had cpoken dih her rode uway, Binlliug over Ida Boulder. Bomethlng tightened In 01 mui btvust With ttrtn ateiia he ant to the hill top. -tt'bo was he, 'Mtar Who hut the Corregldor." ahe an- I iirrrd urchly. -Wlmt mild be?" More than ever another hath aald, BO, What then?" LwLlla turned her fnoe awny. : -lie said thut mine la the beauty of the nbjht" tlluao'i eyes tluahed ut the receding bMMb -Why of the ulifht?" he aBked. "Beitnue," ahe faltered, "beonuse n nid the Corregldor my lirow la the M loiiched now upon the inoiin tiln, and my eyea uro the glinting Kin" Slid he that? What ruorer That my hulr la the midnight cloud; tilt my ttpa " She turned u pebble with her dainty to. That my llp " dltano prompted. Ar the dew-bright berries of holly mitlng the kiss of dawn ao aald be, & Corregldor." At the bend of the road the rider Uknl bat'k and raised lila glistening 'Ulirero. I.eonlta waved her aupple hanil and smiled. Hut when ahe turn "I again to her companion the nmtte Jrarted from her Upa, for the aad i"' of his eyes rebuked her heart. The next duy and the next the rider tme, but Leonlta was ever uway with 'llano lu the lowland grove. Then, as the third day closed, her hilier said to her: "'Slta, thou art too much with t!l uno. Ut him go Ida way. Thou urt linger n child." "But. my father, I am happy with 'iitano." "So much the worse. Bide thee at tome. The Corregldor will come mm." The Corregldorr 'Mtu; he hath Been thy beau- f" "What dost thou mean, my father?" "Only that thy place la here. Let dtano go his way." Another day the rider came, and ad when be went awaj Leonlta'a W was in ber hands. "siU.v Child!" her father said. "Thou UttxMlie t'orregldora-a great lady, ml ride lu thy conch. Ia this thy gratitude for a father's loving care?' dltano came at sundown to learn Hi Leonlta had not kept their dally ,rTt Ber father sat with them and 'Jd Gltano nll-that the Corregldor 1011 smlhil njion her beauty and beg W ber fur his bride; thut the father's liulne had been given; thut the not f waa to come next morning to seal hxrth, ami that until then Leonlta to remain within. lj'tano h,nl us In a dream. The orda seemed to come over some vast ''aiuv even from some llghtless THi V,se tires hnd flickered out and aWs ugo. But as her fnther j, ''oulta wenvod a message of " thwd upon her lap and trembled 1 rited Joy to see Oltnno read 1L , "' ' was low. when n t all us of .UghtUrd fell softly through Leonl lattice. "Gltano"1 -.Mta:" thJ"k ,0 cheek, they whispered from f Hps were sealed pathetic vows lwe beyond this life. ,11 n ,ur'ugh Uie somber avenue of they eame again to view the "ny present A'"' "ix.ke he only of the beauty of : 'iltano asluMl. m of that," she answered. bjt,HW0UlJ oo hadat no beauty. they parted at the UtUce leonlta hogged one lam memento of hla llO t love, a lush vming vine grew lu (he Withered gumtree ut the bottom of the gorge, llrlug me u sprig of that. Ultimo. for- remembrance," And when she took It from him she bada him haste to bathe, his hands lu milk. Then Oltnno knew the cruel nature of the vine. "No, no! Not Uutr he rrled. But the luttlce window closed. In the morning light the futher look ed ,ou Leonlta'a fuoe and horror paled bis own. "'Mtar' he gnsped, "la It thoo-my child?" "Ay, my futher; thy child." He awuyed and dosed his eyes. "Buy not bo," he moaned "It enn not be My Xlnu wus so bouutlful oh. so bountiful'" In overwhelming grief he sunk upon the floor uud rocked feebly und beut his breast. "0 santo Dloa! What curse la thief Tlo n came another uwful thought. "The Corregldor will never take her now-:" ho cried. "Why, my father? Doth he love me for my face uloneV" But the father only walled ae one gone mail: "The Corregldor! The Corregldor: II'1 will not have her now!" Then came the rider with the notary. "She wns bo much a child," the fa ther sobbed. "Bho plnjed with young Gltano In the grove. She did not know the devil -vino would eat her beauty. And yet It hath but spoiled her fuoe and not touched her beauteous heart." "Kustlco," sold the greut Corregl dor, "thou hnst my earnest sympathy. Here Is a purse of gold." And with hifl notary he rod" awny. When Qltano with his scalded hands smoothed Lconltn's hulr his tour ex pressed his heart "Still thou art beautiful." he said. "Nay, sweet Cittnno, even thou canat not say that." "Hush, my 'Nltal Thine Is the beau ty of the day. Thy henrt-love la the glnd. Warm sunshine and thy glorious soul the ralnliow of promise to me." Chicago Times-Herald. THE JUDGE'S TURKISH BATH. It Waj Verj Vigorous, and lie Found Out Why. The Judge had never tnke n a Turkish bath, but he we.s uot feeling Ida best that morning, and It suddenly occurrcJ to him to test Its vivifying effects, bo enthnalaatleaUy descanted upon by his young frlenda. It seemed to othe Judge that the rub ber was terribly rough, but fearing to expose his Inexperience and aubjact himself to ridicule by objecting to the regular treatmont, he pntleotly endured being punched, pumuicled, klapped, spunked, whacked and poked until he could not stiiud the torture a moment longer. "Is It qul-te nec.s-snry- to ma!;e me bln-uck-and blue al! -- ov rerf punted the Judge, as Irregularly as the rubber dug his Usts la moie or loss vigorously. "Never you mind: I'm fixln' you," re sponded the rubber, redoubling his as saults and grinning diabolically at least so It seemed to the Judge. "Who (ship, groan) nre (thud, groan) you'.'" gns ed the Judge, a horrible sus picion dawning lu his mind. "Your (whuck, grosnt face (thump, groan) does (whack, groan) look (slap, groam fa thud, groun) miliar" (swish, groan). "Oh, you remember me, do you?" growled the rubber sarcastically. "Well, lash yer old hide, mebbe you'd like to send me up for six months again for prlze-flgbtln'I" Harper's Mugazluc. Always the Way. A woman, with a freshly blackened eye and traces of recent tears on her face, came hurriedly Into a police mag istrate's office one morning, and asked for the arrest of her husband on a charge of beating her. The brutal husband was arrested and brought before the malgstrate. He was a hard-looking citizen, large of frame, repulsive In appearance, and about three-fourths drunk. The wife, on tho contrary, wns slight and dell cute, and her hands were wrinkled nud knotted with hard work. The trial was short. "Bill," as she culled him, ninde no defense. He was apparently too luzy tO tnke the trouble. The wife bud cooled down consider ably, and gave her testimony with ex treme reluctance, us is the custom in such cases: but the guilt of the pris oner was clearly established, and the magtatrate, after lecturing him sharply and Indignantly on his brutality, was about to prescribe the necessary pun ishment when the pule-fuoed victim spoke up. "Make the fine as light as you enn, your honor," she said, anxiously. "I'll have to pay It." A Model Witness. During tho Investigation of the Maine disaster an old seumun was called be fore the Court of .Inquiry to tell what he knew about It. He was solemnly sworn to tell the trulh and nothing but the truth; furthermore, he was cau tioned not to repeat hearsay; his per sonal experience was the only testi mony that would anawer the law. "And now toll us what you know about the explosion ot the Maine." aald one of the officers. "Well, sir," said the old bluejacket, "I was a-corklng It off lu me 'ammlek (hammock), and 'card a noise and waked up In the 'orspltal. That's all I know about It sir " The court maintained Its gravity; states the Chicago Hecord. from which this story la taken, and dismissed the witness. "Corking." It may be added. Is sailor slang for sleeping. When the, lie down upon the deck, as they often do for a uap, figuratively speaking they are calking the deck. A Mtarderer'e Black Cup. When John OCROll was hanged re cently at Atlanta for the murder of a woman, he wore the black cap w hich he had mude for tlfc occasion by his mother. iTura-est Puhllc Debt. The public debt of France Is the larg est In the world, and awounta to il.OOO.OOO.OOO. At 2 cents a mOa a trip to the bud would coat WBSJIOUD. We "'"1,r stand there will be uo cut rate excur eluua thla aeason. MANY SHOTS NEEDED. CHANCES OK SOLDIER S DEATH IN BA1 ill. Not More thn.i One in a Thnunand Projeetilea isUe Meet Ton of hUot Required to khi One Mun a m, n Pacta It Is certainly a crumb of comfort to I mun about to tight for his country to know that lu buttle not more thun iuc lu every ihoumiud projectiles f ull leaorlptioua und weight tukv vXect. Competent uuthorltWs tatw that tba average it takea a ton of shot to kill one mun. Tor Instance, It bus been tlnintcd that In the Crimean war the ilrltlsh mid French troops Ured be tuueu them the enormous amount of 10,000000 projectiles, resulting lu the death of only 51,000 Russians, while on their side the Czar's adherents kill ed some (0,000 r the utiles with an ex penditure of over &(i,isjo,ik) projectiles, this rcprcscutlug u death for every 1,(HT Bhots tired. The American civil war returns, which were got out with very great euro, showed that the loss to both the I'ederals uud CotifcderutoB was about per cent of the force engaged, to bring about which Involved the ex penditure of nearly twenty-two hun dred weight of ammunition per mnu. At the siege of Mezleros, In the franco-German war, the I'russiuns threw uo fewer than r.7,iK)() projectiles into the Ill-fated town, but strange to say, less thun pi people were killed by them. Then ut Trouvllle two people only were killed after some W7.000 odd shells had ! u discharged. At Sednn, however, the aim of both the Germans and the French showed a marked Im provement, for after ".40.000 projectiles had boon tired nearly P.000 Freuch uud rrusslaus wore killed. For the Spanish-American war the returns showed a tremendous amount of Bhot and shell tired for very meager results. Of course, lu this rase, al though the mortality was not great the damage to earthworks, fortifications and government buildings generally was enormous, nud there can be little doubt that If the Spanlnrds had not made themselves scarce the death roll would have boon appalling. Again, when the American marines lauded at Santiago, during a fusillade upon the enemy Instlng two nights, the machine guns and rlfies alone account ed for the consumption of round of ammunition. Sixty-eight dead Span iards weie found as a result of tills euoriudus expenditure of ammunition. Our own experience In our "little wars" has been very little, If any, bet ter tlutu the results Just recorded. Take, for Instance, the Chartered Com pany's expedition luto Matabeloland. Kvery one will remember how the war riors of I.obengula were mowed down by the Maxim guns like Bklttles, but even In this Instance, which, perhaps, is the most effective on record, as the Impy advanced on the British lines In solid masses, It would have puzzled u blind man to have missed shooting some of them. The mortality was very small considering the vast number of cartridges expended, but this Is ac counted for by the fact that on exam ination some of the deud Ixidlcs cou talned more thnn fifty bullets In each. On another occasion, nt an attack on B lunger some twenty miles south of Bnluwayo, I ). rounds of ammuni tion wore disposed of with a result of 34(1 dead MutulK'le. Military authorities now regard rap idity of fire ia iK'Ing more essential (ban range und precision, and coutetnt themselves with general orders to aim low, and this, perhaps, accounts for the fact that most wounds are Indicted on the enemy's lower extremities, sta tistics showing thut on the average 45 per cent, of the wounds occur In the logs, 3:1 per cent, lu the abdomen, -l per cent. In the arms and chest and only 1 per cent. In the head. It will be lnteiestlng to learn how many Boer bullets It takes to kill a Ilrltlsh soldier, and vice versa. If only for the sake of really ascertaining whether the Transvaal burghers' abili ties ns crack shots have not been con siderably overrated. London Mall. MORMONISM IN CHICAGO. Where the Hermiil l.iirm.l Mormon MII nian oeletj tin Ita Beat, Chicago is the baadQBartera for the second largest Mormou inUMoimry so ciety In the World. Ah ii proselyting BontW for the Mormon OhtWVb It ranks lloxt to Salt Lake City. From Chicago he disciples of Hiygnuiy illici t more i-xteunlve and thorough missionary operations than those carrlisl on by uny firthodox church society In the city. Two hundred ami thirty Mormon el Hers of "The Northern BtBtl -' M lalOD 'of the Church of Jesus Christ of l.ul- Its Drift-In. In that part of Chicago known ns Hyde I'ark there Is a large area called the "prohibited district," within which there are no saloons, the Bale of liquor being strictly forbidden by law. Places nre found occasionally, how ever, where liquors nre Bold illegally and by stealth. These are called by the police "blind pigs." There nre sev eral stories as to the way In which this term originated. Among them Is the following: Several men known to be of bibulous propensities were observed to be fre quently going Into aud coming out of n small and unpretending frame house, over the door of which were the re mains of what had once lieen a business sign, the only letters not obliterated being "a pg." The house was raided, and a consid erable quantity of whisky and tieer found and confiscated. While the raid was In progress a curious citizen askisl the policeman standing guard outside: "Who keeps this placef "Well," said the officer, glancing up nt the sign, "It seems to be kept by 'u pig' that has had Its T knocked out I gueai It's a blind pig." And the name "blind pig" baa stuck. A Paradox ! Krenoh omnibus Hues seem to be very much like certain street cars w hich ply n the less frequented lines in American cities. A Parisian paper records this dialogue between a would-be passenger and an employe: "How often ilo the omnibuses leave for Saint-Cloud V" "Kvery ten minutes." "How long shall I have to wait for one now ?" oh. only about a quarter of an hour!" Marvelous Operat on. An example of uilxtd metaphor was beard at a laamen'a meeting at South Shields last week, nn enthusiastic peakcr urging the crowd to "take the tide by the flood and grasp it red hot" -London Chronicle. There Is a great deal of indignation among the women when a man takes tome one who is not kin to hlw home tu a family reunion dinner. BLDBB DC BUta tiik sick. MOHMOK I.lTEHAaT III KRAI'. tor Day Saints" receive their orders from an office at No. 143 La lioyne street. Thirty of these elders are sta tioned ln Chicago, and are distributing over a thousand tracts a day among the poorer classes and the foreign ele ment of the rliy. They have Ihroe reg ularly organized churches, lu which their doctrines nre preached twice ev ery Sunday. Forty thousand dollars a year Is alsiut the sum which the Mor mon Church la paying out to ox tend Its prestige In Chicago, ami over a quarter of a million dollars to Convert the people of the surrounding country. The eleven States lu which Chicago's Mormon missionaries work are Illinois, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota. Missouri, Nebraska, Indiana. Wisconsin. Norh Dakota and South Dukota uud Ken tucky. The Mormon Church In Chicago was founded by Brlgham II. Roberta. He aaw that Chicago, with Its hetero geneous elements, Its foreign slum pop ulation of nearly 900.1100) Its IIImtiiI at titude toward npostles of all strange sects, and Ms central isisltlon, was by long odds the most available center from which the Mormon Church might curry on Its proselyting operations. The story of his first visit to Chicago gives a curious Insight Into the work ings of the church of the Kntter Day Saints. When Boberta first decided to enter national polltica he did so without con sulting the chief council of Mormou elders. He ran for Contfress and wns defeated by the votes of his own people. Tills wns not from any dislike of Mr. Boberta blmaelf or of his practices. The Mormon Council nt Salt Lake City requires Its elders to obtain M-ruilsslnn of the church before taking an active part In politics. BoIhTIs Ignored the rule of the church, and nil the ecclesi astical machinery of that body was sot In motion against him. He was beaten by his own party, und nfter that was Compelled to make nn abject apology to the president and the council. They fixed his penance al a year! missionary work In the Interest of Mormonlsin. He went to Chicago In the winter of M and 9B and preached for six months and founded the main Mormon Church. Ktlquette of ( .nil. Here are some things which you will AO well to remember when you go on to the golf links, either as a player or as an onlooker: Standing so that n shadow falls upon your partner's hall Is not only ImiMillte, but detrimental to til esuccoSB of hla "drive." Standing on the putting Teen after you have "holed out," whether It Is to gaze at the scenery or write down your ICO re, will exasperate your Is'st friend on earth If he or she bappeni to ba put Ing be hind you. To play first and to shout "Foret" afterward is apt to add insult to actual Injury. "Fore" Is called as a warning that a "drive" Is alsnit to he made. It Is not nn expression of con solation after one has Is'ii hit. If you choose as n partner a woman who keeps you back by slow play, don't quarrel with heron this account Abide by your choice and do what you can to help her to enjoy the game. I'nbrrakable Mirrors. Many people believe that all sorts of 111 luck will follow them If they by chin happen to break n looking glass. These superstitious folk limy perhaps ba glad to hear that unbreakable mir rors are now being made by putting n coat of quicksilver at the buck of a very thin piece of celluloid. Awful Depth. The depth of Hie Atlantic letvveen the Canary Islands and the West Indies Is something awful. A pretty level Imt tom runs right away from the African islands to the American ones, gradu ally deepening to nearly 10,000 feet Boent or l.ohsters. Lobsters can smell as well as animals that live upon the land. A place of de cayed moat BUapended In the water In tho locality vvle re lobsters are abun dant will soon Imj surrounded by a greedy, fighting crowd. Alcohol In l.etnon Kxiract. Lemon extract has become a favorite leverage with the I'oncba Indians, owing to the quantity of alcohol whleh It contains, and It la said that they bara bees able to get rouriug drunk on u fifty-cent bottle. Dry MetriOt In Liverpool. There is a district lu Liverpool Inhab ited by oo.isio people, when.- Intoxi cating liquor cannot be bought The up-to-dute man bus uo time for ancient hiatory. IN A WAGON. lloi n Mrctia l" BlfH I'urlnu a Be.i oh'i Traveling, "I slept III u wagoii all mimiiier," sale Doiph u analey, the Broil-known tcko teller of II CtrCtta which hud Jilut nil athed its annual bob boo of travel "Van sir, in u aagon, The real of the anon p. opie slept iii regular Bloepiavi a.B Now yon would think they hud tht bout of it. arooMa't you? But thai didn't. My bed wns made up lu tin BTBgOU lu which I sold tickets. Aleut the sides of It nre benches. I had i cot bed from which the legs weie n moved. Tho benches had lids, nud lu nle were Uixes where the tickets auC other stuff necessary were kept. It . ue Compartment I had the bedding 'U another towels aud Other toilet es lentiala, After the count up at night I E Killed down he Cot top, got out n.v BOOta and blankets and made up my Od, Then 1 turned In after folding u my clothes. The ticket wagon Is t finely constructed affair, with platforu springs, and rides like a fashlonabli carriage. The "razor bucks." or com moil laborers with the show, would WbOfl the time canie to entrain, run tin wagou outo a tlut car aud chock tin w heels BOCUTOly, The car has super springs, nnd rides like a pussougoi i ouch. Tho cot top wns laid across tin aisle, of which the benches formed tin sides, so there were three places to taki up the motion - the car springs, tin wagon springs and the elastic cot web tiiug. I was as snug as n bug lu a rug By leaving a w indow 114 the rear opm 1 got d fine breeze, nud In the bOttOSl nights was cool and Comfortable Many 11 morning 1 woke up to find tht Wagon on the circus lot, miles from the depot. 1 slept so soundly that I never felt the wagon being det.aned or driven up tow n. Then my wagou man would bring up water, and my toilet wus a matter of a moment or two. Bathing? Why a man with a circus can bathe every day lu the dressing tent The folks In the slccpliiK our had many discomforts. Anybody that has traveled In n crowded Pullman car lip predates this fact. All want to go to bod nt the same time ami get up to gather. The aisles aie crowded will clothing ami Impedimenta, nnd the there Is the snoring and talking that b Inevitable. Oh, 1 tell you. I was com fortnble. Some of the razor bucks had a novel way of bunking for the night They slept In hnminoeks, which wen 1 Inns: under the wngoiis from axle to axle. I never tried It. but those who did tell me that It Is exceedingly com fortnble. I ..is of fresh nlr, you know Curiously enough, they don't get wet and the eliidetB don't lly under th wagons. On dusty nights they got a little of looser Mother Karth, but not so much ns you would think. Nothing could Induce me to trade my (lessley palace sleeping car. ns I call my wagon bed, for oue of Pullman's make. I have privacy, room nnd comfort, nnd 110 sleeping car can boast of this triple advantage." SUPPOSE WK SMILE. 1 The Boston Ilov'a IMY-rstons. "Kmorson," said Mrs. Bcaconstreot "how did you eomnoft yourself In tin thoroughfare this morning with your new neighbors'" "I fear, mn more," replhsl Kmcrsnn "that our actions were scarcely such ns would much Intensify our Intellects You BOO, he knows nothing of Auguste Comte, his parents have forbidden him Voltaire, he dislikes Mr. Shnkospeiire, and his familiarity with chemistry nnd astronomy nre superficial to a weary Ing degree. So we made mud plea."--Boston Courier. HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM i mi COMIC lAPRS. rirasaat I.. OcBUeflM World lvr ha log iUal Are v. Beer- ful lu Old or v. ... d r'uuuy Helei- I toa twai KvBif beala Will I ..J... Old Beau Ah. Mtaa ciara. i lava May I Bona 10 seme day call yo aty wife! M! ('Isr.i Have you sokrH to my niotlioi on the subject 'I old Bean VVhj er- ye. I believe I did some twenty -Odd year ago. Chi cago New. Afttlclel Conruee. Mlae lonrfaCO I'm sure Mr. Dash wai Inlo&lcated when be called last evening. Why, he actually tried to kiss no Mlaa !ahby- Yes they sar drink nerves men lO desperate deeds. Bait! more Aitici lean. Meet,. Tlirio I irr here. Tired Tieidvvcll DIs is a worry sin 111 world, after all. Sauntering Sim- Wot make you t'luk ao? Tired Treadwill Hardly a day gno by but what 1 nice: somebody I've pan handled In s,.iiic other S'ate. Chicago Times II. raid. HuvIiik. Mrs. B Yon know well enough DOW I scrimp aud save. I never have thlug the way I did before 1 married yo'l. Mr. B I've noticed that my dear. Why, yon don't even have a birthday any more. - Philadelphia Bulletin UasloeMedt BiiU Want lady of the House -io on away from here. We have no old clothes, no cold victual, no- lloneleaa Henderaonr I didn't want Dothlu' i. eat not wear. 1 Jtst called i :f you had a old automobile t gtva away, IndlnnajrHIa Journal. Moat of Them Uo. fihe Do you believe mat man sprang from the apt.' He No. nut i believe an woei spring from the mOUBB. CtllCBgB Nw Bhi-4 Wet rief.Tt. "What! Do you know that gnmblerV 'N Ml he's merely a BhanOO ao cjualnliUK'C " - Phlladalphla Bulletin. He UUtvvrla II. Kcuv.u, Maddening Mnnttia, Contrary to the general opinion, more people go mad during the summer mouths than In tho usuully gloomy and dull month of November, December and January, wheu times nre bad nud the general condltlona appear more couductlve to Insanity. Not only In this country, but also In many others. It Is found that more H-ople go mad during May, June and July than during any other portion of (tie year, and that suicide which Ib duo to some form of Insanity Is also more prevalent during the summer. Circumstance Alter Cane. Father It was after 11 o'clock when that youug man left last night, and 1 want you to understand Duugbter- But, pupa, I was so much Interested ln the news of his uncle's death that I didn't notice how late II was. You see, his uncle died In India and left hltu gloo.ooo, and of course Father- As I was saying when you Interrupted me, I want you to under stand that he can stay a late as he wnuts to. I don't mind If the gas meter dOOB huve lo work overtime oc casloiuilly. Doinentlc Wne. Mrs. Homer Out cook Is anything but competent. I'm golug to give her a week's notice to-day." Mr. Homer Don't do It, my dear. Remember what we had to put up w 1th before we could afford a cook. Paralry and Onion. Parsley should always garnish a dish containing onions, as It takes away the odor most people object to. It eveu prevents the aftertaste If eaten by the Individual who loves onions ami must bare them.- Pittsburg Dispatch. One. or tha Other. "Henderson tells me he means to name his now boy George," "Old or now style?"' "What do you mean?" "Washington or Dewey '"Indian apolls exchange. Age Affect r ent. A London physician declares that a person In robust health walks with his toes pointed to the front, while one vith his iieuitb ou tin. wane gradually turns his toes to the side, and u liend Is perceptible In his knei e. Not Itoom In the Churcbe. An Kngllsh authority has estimated that If all the Inhabitants of the British Isles should decide to atteud church on a given Sunday atVXXMXX) would be crowded out for lack of seatlug room lu the cburchee. ill Prune. Prunes afford the highest nerve or brain food, supply heat and waste, but are not muscle feeding. They ahould de avoided by those who u(Ttr from th Uvec He- To 1m- sure, there are some plena a it things about a bachelor's life, but then there are times when one longs to possess a tsdiig whom he ran care for, and whom be can mil hi own! She Sny, If you feel that way. why dou't you buy a bulldog? -Ileltore Welt Illiistrloii. Precedent. "That was a pleasing afterthought of yours." remarked the old preacher who had llstcm-d to a sermon by one of his youngest brethren, "when you drew iiMin the analogies of nature to prove .'he Immortality of the soul." "An afterthought !" laid the younger clergy ma ii. In some perplexity. "Yes. You thought of It nlMUil Bt400 year alter Socrates." Chicago Trib une. A L'IumIcuI Nurse. "MehltllMd." said a Boston mother to the nurse, "did 1 not see a policeman pushing Bevere'a ambulator awhile ago?" "Yes, ma'am, but I wns merely act ing uMin Bmsraoo'i advice," "Kmerson? What does Kmorson say which Is ut all applicable to such a case?" "He told us to hitch our wagona to a atar." New Y'ork World. Then Hhe Called the Hoc Miss Sourface (to trump) -Did you ever bnve n romance lu your life? Tramp Yes, mum: 1 hnd a sweet heart oncet dat looked like you. Miss Sourface (sotting out another piece of pie) And did she die? Tramp No, mum. Me fadiler wanted me to mnrry her, so I run uway from borne. -Baltimore American. 8eeklna Information. 1 mm 1 "Pa, what Is a Journalist?" "A Jonmallat, my son, lsa mental bankrupt who failed as a newspaper reporter." Considered a Itimhy. "I guess he married her after he had bean Jilted by several others. He didn't want to give up without winning some one." "What a silly thing she was. I wouldn't serve as any mini's consola tion prize." Philadelphia Bulletin. Divorce (laioie. "The hading lady doesn't always lead." "No?" "No. She's boon led ro the nltur four times." Philadelphia Bulletin. Helf-PoKnewMluii. Jinks Was Coulter cool und collect. Bd at the time of the lire'.' JenkB I should think so. He tool: time to take oil his nightshirt and put on u suit of pajamas. Now York I'resa. The Fine Distinction. "I never made such a speech In my life," said the mi 11 red hero. "We don't Bran I u speech," cried an enthusiastic mun In the crowd. "Just say something." Phlladelphlu North American. Not H-... ' Hungry. "Are you one of the heart-hungry women of whom the poet talks?" asked the soulful young man. "No," replied Mrs. Parvenu with a decldisl shake of her houd. "I cun t aay that 1 am. My preference I for liver aud be COB."- Chicago Post. r MB Professor (to whom a strnimer had del been Introdn II Have you stud ied at our university? Stranger No, i rofeaaor, I am travel lug for wine nouae, Proreasor Ab, that i the reason why : have never seen you ut my lecturoal- niogende Blaettefc The Minding. lira Benpeckke a bueband ami wife ahould Is1 of one mind. Mr. llenpeekito Yee; ami It Isn't hard to tell who's going to do tb minding. Philadelphia Record. gartkev Bvtdaoce. There Is something, after nil. In tht Idea of opals la-lug unlucky." "What new light hove you had on itr "Young Hanklnson has a fine opal ring. Ha was wearing It the evening he proposed to Mis Qarllngborn," "And she refused him?" "No. She accepted him." Chicago Tribune. Wouldn't lie I.Ike lllm. Hewitt Ho you BUPOOBB that the Clergyman Will consent to your marry ing his daughter! Jewott Why. of course. Do you sup pOOa he'd lose a chance to get a wed dllig fee? New York World. Pnie Hide Information. Tommy Pop, what Is a willful waste? Tommy' Pop The kind you can't got your arm around. Sh h -hi Here come your mother. --Philadelphia Beo-ord. An oil, . .ii. aflatl BBB And why do you want U leave, Kate? Ia It anything private? Kate (dlsilalnfully)-Dear mel No, ma'aiu, he'a a aergeaut Judy. Good Nom for New. "Henry," whispered the mnlden, In some embarrassment, as they stood ln the hallway, where the young and handsome reporter wns preparing to say good-night, "It's dreadful of me, I know, but I've bOOO ontlng onions." "dreat Scott. Familc!" he exclaimed. "You don't think Unit's a scoop on me, do you? I knew that as soon aa I cam ln,"-Chlcago Tribune. flatting i: v ril with lllm. "Money, money, money, all the time," he growled when ahe said ahe needed a new bonnet. "Do you know bow much It cost to keep you ln the country this summer?" "No," she replied. "I don't know, but I know It didn't cost so much as It did to keep you lu the city."- Chicago Post. Profltalile Silence. "I think that husbands ought to pay their wives a weekly salary," declared Mrs. Tomdlk. "Aliout how much?" asked Mrs. Ho jaek. "Well, sny $10 a Week." "I used to think so, too, until I dis covered that my liusbund pays about $sis a year for my millinery aud clothes alone, and then I decided that any salary I would like to ask for wouldn't go very far." Detroit Free Press. Her I'onnevtlon. "The Idea of a telephone girl trying to go In society." "Why not? I'm sure she has many of the Is'st people on her calllug Hat." Philadelphia Bullet lu. Nwapplnir Telephone. The following story comes from the Orand Kupld Press, uud has to dv wllh a man and a woman who are de ployed In different oSOM In one of tht large building of that city. Each office has u telephone, but as it hapiH.-na i. no Is en Instrument belonging to the Ottlaena' Company, the other a Bel) Instrument. Oaa day the man had occasion to use the OlttaeUB' line, and stepped serosa the hall to the lady's Office. "Have you u t'lll.elis' 'phone?" h asked, and she replied In the umruia live. "Well," he vantUNd, "I'm a cltlten. May I use It?" Why. of course he might use It; bul Inwardly she was Inclined to envy bit ability to stand up and assert his citi zenship lu ibis way, for some of bet womanly oropenaltiea were of tin "newish" sort. An hour later she ha an. id accounts with him. Have you n Boil telephone!" ahe asked, on slopping Into his office. He did not try to deny It. "Well, I'm a belle; may 1 us itr. LL ahBe?BjaB BB8lifl