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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 18, 1899)
Ce WILLIE GOES TOSCHOOU
'llll niM to school the dJS
... 0 ll l"" "
1 t,...t : i T T 1 WMVH
hi n -
r nr.. . . . i . i
tmlli are UttMN "P "SOT
. i.i .. U inul Ions mm imp.
llu i" -, -
marbles w "i"n "ie uuur .
, are we happier than before?
h. IWi F ' '
n-ipi. e-oca to school the ctt
..... no startling Kimua nisi
ii ,i... n..iLfhtMirH look.
Ull ' '
plaything a P wa.
book bwMV noon
. i r.itiud a bair to-dar.
. glistening uuil gmy,
Z.. hi.l itself Pcrore.
i Willi' f04" to "1ioo1 I hoar
pouuJla on the stuirs.
1 t .."...I In In, In miv il.-nr
. . i ..rsi-s of tbi' chairs:
mmm - -
.l I may be a foul
-aJ the mn inai sireas my luce.
. t I .. I . .. I .. .
lOBTSffU iiuv-s-i bi-i n.u.
His Own Confidential Man
..,. III. 1. 1 - kftkaa
lll'.l mn .eij nac, una i.n ii i
nud daughter. Uxxle wns lila
vouncest. ami nlthough abe bad
L.-I .1 Ik. .. nf IS Rhp WM atlll
The Judge placed Bit band tenderly
the little eiirly head. "Where lias
I hi i hfivf Ikm-11 up to tin- hall talk-
i.i .1. . i, ....... I . . .i .. ir ntnl veiiintiir.
J null tut- ii--"- - - I"-
na t lironirti tin; great rooms, and. ob.
m - "
l. 1 , i ...I- urn Inf.. tlm linnii.
fill conservatory, ami i WW sucu
ivi-lv. flaming passion flowers, nud
in. irrent. oreaniv. magnolia blossoms.
She was suddenly stooped by seeing
... .1lll.it Mil 11 II I II in 111 1 Tl I 17 III I 1 III' I -
m . .1 ww
...... n. sine or tiif roiui.
"Mr. Hay. I believe?" f
The Judpt bowed.
"Agent for Uie 8t. Leon place?"
"I came to see you In regard to It,
"And Mn nre Mr. St. Leon's confi
dential clerk. Mr. Hartley! I believe
I received a letter from blra to-day In
forming me that you would arrive this
week. Yes, yea; come right up to the
house and we will talk over the re
pairs. Shall we begin them Immedi
"Papa, you don't mean to any you
bnve brought blm home a confidential
clerk? You know there nre the best
rooms to be papered and cleaned, and
our pink dresses to be made, agnlust
Herbert St. Leon's arrival. Well, I
shall see that he Is put In the little
room over the kitchen. He will never
know the difference." and Blanche
sank back In a studied attitude on the
sofa, wondering If handsome Bert St.
"I WISH TO SKI TOf n MASTER, TOUSO
Leon would fancy her lovely pink
morning dress that she had made for
his special beiieflt.
The door of the dining room was
ajar, and Mr. Hnrtley, standing before
the tire In the little parlor, bad nearu
"Mr. Confidential Clerk, you are cry
ing," and Llzxle pushed the white kit
ten from her lan and came over to his
side. "I am sorry you heard them,
but never mind. I'll be your friend."
"Your friendship Is very dear to me,
my little girl."
"I'm not a little girl! I was 18 last
" Pardon me. young lady; but can
you tell me something of the hall?
What sort of a place Is It?"
"Lizzie. Lizzie! you are talking far
more than Is necessary. Go to your
A month had passed by. Mr. Hnrt
ley had exchanged bis close apart
ments over the kitchen for more com
modious ones at the village Inn.
whence he calmly superintended the
projected Improvements at the hall,
and all the gossip exchanged between
himself and Llzale was In the course
of her rambles through the St. Leon
And now Mr. Hartley sat In the same
little parlor where Lizzie bad first
vowed to be hi friend and awaited the
appearance of the Judge.
"You wish to see me. Mr. Hartley?"
"Yes, sir. I came to ask you for the
hand of your daughter-your little
Llzxle. 1 love her more than my life.
"You cannot have her! No, sir. I
look for something higher for my
daugbter than a confidential clerk. If
that Is all, I bid yon good evening."
Next night the Judge rode slowly
home to dinner, feeling a presentiment
"Where la Llutle?" he Inquired of
Blanche, as Ik entered the cozy din
ing room. ,
"In her room. I suppose, mounting
after her dear clerk."
"Well, call her to dinner, child."
Blanche went, but returned Immedi
ately with a pale, frightened face.
"She Is not there, pap, but this note
lay on her table."
The Judge broke the seal and read,
with (ace that had grown suddenly
"Is lb Urn that you read these
words, dearest papa, your little I. te to the present generation as having
...III l ... iMthitla I ul.ill I... ' . i I .
"in "wnii W in. in. en Ln-eii ui one nine or atuitner the olijeet
to Mr. Hartley. I hope It is not wrouu. of hi Infatuation althnnrh I,. In.i . ..
for Indeed I do love him very Panel." I both to the prince i ml to the ladies
As he folded the note with stern fea- I DWMtOBfd. It should In- stated that the
tures a light step crossed the thresh- I relations of the prime to tbtn wire
old. and Lizzie's arms were around his purely platonle.
Dock I the iiiiitldeutliil clerk standing
at the door with a face where pride
and Indomitable resolution struggled
for the mastery.
"Papa, forgive us!"
"I'll see you hanged first!" roared
the old gentleman. "Beguile, both of
you! Beg. starve, but never come to
me for assistance!"
"Oh, papa," pleaded Lizzie, "1 want
"I won't hear you."
"Be It so," suld the clerk; "come, lit
tle wife, we have each other left, you
know." nnd they went from the house.
Blanche was Just coming out of hys
terlcs when there came a ring at the
bell, and a gentleman bearing a foreign-looking
carpet bag was ushered
"Is this Mr. RayT
The Judge bowed.
"Is Mr. St. Leon here?"
"Mr. St. Leon, sir, is in Paranham.
"I think you are mistaken, air, as I
have bOM Informed he Is at this mo
ment In his native village."
"Herbert 8t Ieon at home and not
end word to me, bis ngent? I must
go to the hall Immediately."
J ut now the woman who monopo
lizes the greatest share of the prliu-es
attention Is Mrs. Qoorgo Keppel, one
of the most lieautlful of the younger
matrons In the society world. Mrs.
Ktppol COIttM from one of the old aris
tocratic families of England, being s
daughter of Sir QtOTgO Kdimnistune.
who died a few years ago. The gos
sips of society My that the long-suffering
Prltn css of Wales has beeu driven
to desperation by the conduct of her
btttbUd with Mrs. Keppel. Naturally,
society divides Itself Into two eniu.
one for the prince and the other for
the princess. The first says that the
prim e is u much-abused man, deiiares
that his wife Is unreasonable, and
hints t tin t she Is "eccentric." If not In
sane, the friends of the princess re
tort that whatever might have been
the exeujiis for the conduct of the
prince In former years, they should not
apply now. In his young days n dtsjnv
sltlon to sow wild oats was perfectly
comprehensible, but those days are
long since passed, and the follies of
youth cannot Ik condoned In the uuin
of AN and the grandfather.
The situation Is a delicate and a
momentous one. The great mass of
the British people sympathize deeply
LIVES WORTH MONEY.
CROWNED HEADS WHO ARE IN
SUHtO FOR MILLIONS.
The rrlnrr of T utra Carries Pol Ir Ira
li ..n.iks".iw', His Death
Would BosMft Many Parsons OMoMo
of UU Own family.
ENGLAND'S ROYAL SCANDAL.
MRS. JAMES BROWS-POTTEB.
COUNTESS OF WARWICK.
M IIS. OEOROE KBPPKU
The lights glimmered brightly from
the gothlc windows of the hall and
winked defiance at the blustering
storm without as the Judge rang the
bell at the great front door.
"Mr. St. Leon has he arrived?"
The servant bowed and ushered him
Into a room whose superbly arranged
furniture struck Mr. Ray with an In
definite idea of luxury.
Lizzie was standing by a tall nln
baster vase, that stood In the tiny win
dow, arranging the tropic vines that
curled around Its standard, and the
light from the colored lamps shone
down on the curly bead so dear to the
Judge's heart. The confidential clerk
"I wish to see your master, young
"I am at your service, sir."
"You are! Who the mischief cares
whether you are or not? I wish to
see Mr. St. Leon."
"Herbert St Ieon Is my name, sir."
"You? Well, I thought you were the
"I never told you I was. You took
that for granted. Aa the confidential
clerk 1 wooed and won your daughter.
As Herbert St. Leon I could have gain
ed no greater treasure." New York
Ktraoge to Him.
Mr. Evans, an artist, had recently re
turned from Jamaica West Indies
nnd had In his New York studio some
paintings of Jamalcn scenery. So says
the Cleveland Leader.
One day a man who had been look
ing through the studio stopped before
a certain picture and asked:
"What does this represent?"
"That." said Mr. Evans, "U a scene
"Jamaica?" echoed the visitor.
"That's strange. I don't remomlnT
ever seeing anything like that In Ja
maica." "You have leen there, then, have
your' the artist Inuulred.
"Oh, yes! I live there."
"Well, you surely must be acquaint
ed with this place, then. It Is a street
scene In the principal town of the Isl
and." The man from Jamaica looked at Mr.
Evans for a moment as If be thought
he must be daft. Then he said:
"I live In Jamaica, and there Isn't
a street in the town that bears the re
motest resemblance to that picture."
The mention of Jamaica as a town
cleared away the mist.
T see," said Mr. Evans, "you live In
Jamaica, Ixng Island, don't you?"
"Yes," replied the suburbanite. "Is
there another Jamaica anywhere?"
PRINCE AND PRINCtSS OF WALES
Art Living Apart and a Grave Royal
hcandal I Impending.
Just now English society Is discuss
ing no less grave a subject thnn the
possible separation of the Prince and
Princess of Wales. For months past
the princess has been the guest of her
family la Denmark, and her stay ap
parently shows no signs of coming to
an end. Some believe that an actual
separation f the royal couple Is al
ready in effect, while others think that
the formal separation baa not yet tak
en place. Ail believe, however, that
a grave royal scandal is impending.
Of course, tbere Is a woman In the
case. This Is not a new Incident In
the prince's life, as the world at large
Is well aware, there hgvlng never been
a time since the arrival of the prince
at the age of discretion that be has not
been dangling after some woman. The
names of Mrs. Lsngtry, Mrs. Oornwal
Us West. Mrs. James Brown Potter
snd Lady Brooke now the Countess
of Warwlck-nra amoa Uwto familiar
with the princess, whose nmlnble na
ture nud upright Htid Chrlstlau chnrafr
ter has made her lielovod of all classes.
The Queen Is deeply exercised over
the matter, and It Is said she severely
censured her sou for his conduct, with
out, however, producing any change In
his habits. Before the Princess of
Wales left England for Coi'tihngen
she spent three hours with the Queeu
nt Osbomo. nnd there detailed her
grievances nnd the motives that !m
pellod her to the course she had decid
ed upon. The prince naturally desired
to avoid a formal separation, knowing
well the storm of denunciation that
would shower uxn him from every
quarter a storm that might actually
prevent his ever ascending tbe throne.
Hence every effort Is being made to
prevent this, but It Is undeniable that
the deepest uneasiness Is felt In offi
cial circles over the outcome.
NEW IDEAS OF INSURANCE.
rone Day Font One Will Organize a
Company Like Mi u.
The Insurance solicitor sat In his of
fice in the Itookery, and he was almsh
ed. It takes a great deal to abash an
Insurance solicitor, but the big man In
tbe opiioslte chair has Ixhii venting his
views. The solicitor hail been chasing
him for six months for a $10,000 policy,
and bbOO, nfter he liiid run his Intended
victim Into the home ofilce, the doctors
had iuni.il him down.
"Told me my liver was out of order,"
said the big man. Indignantly. "Said I
hail a murmur In my lungs, and talked
nliout a sister who dksl thirty years ago
and a lot more rot Hke that"
"Ail of which was no doubt true,"
sold the Insurance man, "but," seeing
that the big man wns going to flare up
again, "you need not get alarmed ulwut
your health. Some of these days, wb-n
I can't make more than $0,000 a year
at this business, I'm going to stnrt bji
Insurance company iii new Ihn-s. I
will take all the men that have been re
jected by the other companies."
"That would be taking big risks
"I don't think so. In the first place 1
would charge an extra premium. Then
I would lank on human nature.
Haven't you noticed that these big,
strong fellows, who "never hnd-a-dny's-tckiwris-ln-my-Hfe,'
go off like a child
at the first serious Illness? Scored to
death, may tie. AJiyhow, If you wnnt
to see tenacity of life, Just Btudy the
case of a man In chronic poor h.-alth.
He takes no chances, guards himself
against changes of the weather, applies
remedies instantly, ami Lbs result Is
that, while be never enjoys good beulth,
he prolongs his life twice as long as
the healthy fellow who takes all ktnds
of chances. Insurance examiners must
report on the physical condltUm only,
ami can't make allowances for human
nature, but It's there." Chicago Times-Herald.
A big Insurance man told me recently
In New Uirk that tbe Prince of Wales
was the heaviest risk of any patron of
the UttTttlWMt hualuess. and that his
death WOUld COOt Eugllsh. Cermun.
French and American companies uot
less than $10,u.K.000.
"No other person carries 20 per cent,
of that Insurance." he said, "but com
paratively little of It la, for the liencflt
of his family; perhaps Hot more than
11(000,000. Some years? ago larce pull
lies were taken out by bis creditor! ns
OCUrltJ fur money loaned. If he should
Tor pay his debts they would of course
revert tu him, nnd might he carried for
the btnsflt of his family, but bis pre
miums, like the premiums on all of the
royal families of BnrOpOi are very high
-much higher than those paid by pri
vate Individuals for the same amount
"It la a curious fact" continued my
Insurance friend, who spends a cok1
leal of his time In England, "that $2.-
IKSMSHI or $a.uc0.ii(Ki of Insurance, per
baps more than thnt. has been placed
on tne uie or the prince or Wales as n
ipoenlattoa by ponotu who do not
know him and have never bad any re
lations with him whatever. This would
not be possible under the Insurance
laws of the United States, but It Is al
lowed by some of tho English com pa
nles. Over there any man can secure
a pulley On the life of n neighbor, pro
vhled he can persuade the nelghlior to
inbuilt to a medical examination or
find a company which has recently had
him examined. Thus when the Prince
.if Wales nndnrgOM an examlnatlou for
Insurance lots of speculators npply to
the same company for policies on his
life, or get certified copies of the re
port of the medical examiner and use
them with other companies. It Is a
pure speculation. They pay a high pre
mium, a margin, so to speak, or, to put
It In another way, they hook a wager
with the Insurance companies that the
Prince will die before the total of their
premiums exceeds the amount of the
policy. Therefore, many persons
would lie financially benefited If Altiert
Eil ward should drop off suddenly one
of these fine days. The Prince Is per
fectly aware of this fact He knows
very well whnt advantages have Wo
taken of his situation, but I do not sup
pose It makes any difference with bis
Vrc kings generally Insured?" I nsk-
"Yes. most of them, but they are not
regarded as a good risk, and companies
that carry the poUdM do not advertise
the fact any more than necessary. It
Injures rather than benefits them. The
late Emperor Frederick, father of the
jirosent Kaiser, carried nearly $Ti,(K).-
000 of insurance, wnicn is atiout oil the
money bis widow has to live on, for
her pension from the German govern
ment Is small. Frederick was consid
ered a first-class risk, lie was a man
of robust health, splendid stature, with
the training and frugal habits of a sol
dler. and was an athlete; but all at
once a cancer was discovered, which
he doubtless Inherited from his grand
mother, the beautiful (Juccn Louisa,
and he failed rapidly. Tho present
Kaiser Is not considered a good risk.
This Is quite as much because of his
constitutional defects as for political
considerations, but for obvious reasons
no company would decline an applica
tion from him for Insurance."
"I understand the Queen of Spain is
"Y'es, thnt Is supposed to tie the case,
although little Is known nlsiut It and
tbe prevailing Impression Is that most
of her policies nre In American compa
nies, which have agencies In Madrid.
Alfonso JUL, her husband, was Insured
In several French and English emnpa
nles-sotne say to the extent of $5,
000,000, but I do not know the exact
amount" W. E. Curtis. In Chicago
to tie uaed on the tramways. Almost
ui) week, a long freight train filled
with American horses leaves the Iter
liner Bahnhof for various parts of tier
many. In spite of expensive freight
and a tariff of $7 per bea L the Ameri
cans have built up a very reiectubh
competition In the German market
Chinese History la Ane:et.
The authentic history and blograph)
of China is dualities the ohlest In th
world, even antedating that of the
Jews. Those familiar with Ms chronol
ogy state that It embraces a period
from the year UI 0! our era liflck to
the remote period of . .'. . )ears tK ture
Christ The historians of China em
braiv a sticxvastun of uninterrupted
s. rle of more than 2.400 years. Th
full and continuous history of the em
plre was compiled In the second cen
tury of our era.
The great libraries of Pekln contain
volumes of tmoks BUWbfMd by the
hundreds of thousands. In the archives
of tbe government are still to tie found
the ancient predictions ef eclipses mads
with great aocurtioy, together with
works on astronomy which show a fait
knowledge of that interesting science.
Biographers, very succinctly written,
of the emiierors of the most sinient
dynast les still exist, and written works
of lenrned men are as voluminous in
those of Kurcican nations. And all Oil
learning and love of learning lias been
in-quired without help or suggestion
from any foreign people. If their au
thentic histories reach Imck to MMt
five centuries sgo mythical history
reaches still further back Into the very
night of time.
When Nineveh and Babylon were In
the splendor of their might nun In
China were predicting' ScttpOM, making
catalogues and giving names to the
stars. But Nineveh and Babylon were
mere mounds of earth and rubbish
when China was great, and to this date
the clvHlr.atUui and life of DM empln
Is the wonder of the world.
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMlU PAPERS.
Mrs. New wed I can't umlerwtand
It, momma, but Harry is an altogether
different man since we were married.
Mamma- My dear child, I should be
olarniisl if be were not. A man who re
mained the same after marriage as he
was during courtship would tie an
anomaly. Really, I should fear there
was something wrong in his Intellect
i of fiplrepMcs.
In Bielefeld, Germany, there is a col
ony of epileptics, numbering about
1 500. Tbe colony was established In
Itm. and patients from all parts of the
world go there for treatment
(Joe-half tbe defeats could be turnod
into victoria by stttk "ffort.
Distinction In I'mbrrllss.
It Is no new thing to hear that China
was ahead of the rest of the world In
Invention. Even the umbrella owes Its
existence, we are told, to the genius
of the Chinese or Japanese. It Is said
to have been copied from a shade-giving
tree, nnd nt first received the same
veneration accorded to tho tree of
which It was a copy.
Great dignitaries were allowed to ap
pear In public seated under umbrella
canopies, and Inter these canopies were
made portable, until a regular series of
court regulations for the carriage of
umbrellas lieonme necessary. By the
umbrella a Chinese gentleman Is al
lowed to carry, one who Is Initiated
can bil his rank. The common people
may use an umbrella If It Is not made
of cloth or silk, but only of paper.
If In China one sees a procession
headed by two enormous silk umbrel
las, he may be assnrtsl that a governor
general of a province or a military offi
cer of the first rank Is coming behind
The grnndeur of a royal procession
or religious demonstration Is denoted
by the auznbtr of umbrellas which are
carried. It Is said that formerly, when
the emperor went hunting, be had to
be preceded by twenty-four umbrellas.
It hardly seems as If tbe hunt could
have tssn very successful.
Importations from America have
cnused tie- horse raisers of Holstelu to
suffer much of late. A stock company
has been formed In Berlin for the ex
press purpose of Importing horses from
the Dotted States. Tbe Americans
have succeeded In breeding a horse
which compares very favorably In
every way with the Holstelu animal,
especially In those points so highly
prl7.ed In a work horse, namely, broad
hips and large build generally. The
iM-mt MftMti tot Holstelu horses has
always Vs-en the provinces of Haxouy,
Tuurluglo and Brunswick. The de
mand Is created by the large sugar fac
torles. This msrket boa been decreos
Ing of Iste. owing to American horses
lslng purchased In Berlin. A few days
sgo. this Berlin company shipped a
drove of eighty through Hamburg en
rout tor Milan, Italy, where they sr.
Pleasant Inclitruta Occurring tba
World O'er Haylugathat Ar Cktar
fui to Old or Young Vunny nalsc
tloua Ikat everybody Will Kujoy.
"Oh. George," w alUsl the maiden, as
be met him In the darkened hallway,
"we can't Ik' married to-morrow! It
Will have to t postponed!"
-What Is the matter, darling?" said
George, his knees trembling under
him. "Is any relative dead? Has your
Thole lllraui failed In Imslwss?"
' U worse than that!" she sobbed.
"There Is a b-b-boll coming on the end
of my nose!"-Chicago Tribune.
A Thmighlfnl llnatinmt.
"Y'oti nskisl me to bring you MMM pin
money this morning," said the young
"Yes," she replied, with an otr of ex
pectancy. "Well." said he, "I thought I might
as well save you a trip downtown, so
I brought you a paior of plus Instead.
A Mark of Hnperlorlty.
"Wherein docs man differ from the
lower animals." asked the professor.
Ami the youth answered, without hesi
tation: "He can ride a bicycle." Washing
Minns Untlare and Pounds,
"Our friend, the meat man, doesn't
look as pnwqicrous ns he did."
"No; he says that during the bat
went tier he lost lots of flesh."- l'hlla
dclphia Bulletin. .
Her Correction. 1
Arrnslng I'onsclea, i
"I suppose, doctor, you have often
put an Incurable patient out of bis mis
ery, have you not?"
"That question, sir, I consider an In
sult." "Why do you Jump to tho conclusion
that I asked if you had ever killed a
path tit? Whnt I waul to know Is
whether or not you give oplatea."
And There Are Others,
Hlx There Is one thing I could never
understand alsjut these political glee)
Dlx Ami what Is that?
Hlx- W here the glee comes In,
Mrs. Greene How came you to rec
ommend thnt girl you had to Mrs.
Gray? You know you said you actual
ly tinted the girl.
Mrs. Brown Yes; but I don't hat
her ns much ns I do Mrs. Gray. Bos
Carrrylng Out Instructions.
A railway will be built up the Rax
Alp. which Is tUOO feet high.
Some authorities hold to (lie Idea that
a chlid s disposition IS largely piveriwo
by his diet, citing the gentleness of the
rlce-entlng races against the quarreling
nient-eatlng children as proof.
The figures given In the Iondon Goal
and Inm Trades Review show that ol
the world's pig Iron product of 180
"Nty l'r cent, was i-otiverted Into gtsysl
In 1W18 only 4 ier cent, of the wurld'i
pig Iron product wns applied to the
manufacture of steel.
Verraxnno. au Italian navigator, It
said by Swis'tser, In his White Menu
tain Guide, to have btH the first Euro
iean to sH-ak of having seen the White
Mountains. Cruising along Uie coast
northeast from the present site of
Portsmouth hi the year Ki24, be saw
"high mouutaliis within the land."
They apicarcd on maps published as
early as lfi'-S).
MciiiImts of the engineering corps of
the United Ntnte nruiy have cleared
the I'nslg River of a number of stone
laden canoes which were sunk to close
the channel, 'ilie total value of the
pnqierty recovered by the engineers Is jourlm)
estimated at j.tsi.issi. .naps ami uqsi
graphical sketches of the country
iiroiind Manila were made for the use
of the army commanders, and the sur
veys were frequently made under fire.
Dr. Francis II. Williams, of IWiston.
says that when It tieeomcs customary
to examine the chest with the X rays
deaths from heart failure without pre
vious wanting will be less common.
The rays not only enntile the physician
to determine the bIza' of the heart but
with their nld he can also follow Its
movements In health and dlacnse,
which has not lieforo liwti possible.
Such examinations are also useful In
cases of Incipient consumption. With
proper precautions taken no harm need
be feared from X-ray examination.
As In the case of the X rays, It Is
possible that one of the earliest prac
tical uses of liquid nlr will Is- In sur
gery. Already experiments have Indi
cated that a spray of liquid air can be
applied as a local anesthetic, but tbe
application should never be made ex
cept by an exiericnced operator. In
minute a small part of the body can l
frog 111 ns hard as lot, and surgical oper
ations conducted with the aid of liquid
air are attended with no hemorrhages.
In the Medical Record Dr. A. C. White
describee varloue experiments with
liquid air. Including the successful
treatment of such diseases as sciatica,
neuralgia nnd Ivy-polsonlng. Bolls and
carbuncles can lie aborted with liquid
air, and It Is useful In the treatment of
According to the conclusions of Mr.
A. H. Keane, a well-known English
ethnologist, tbe first creatures that
could properly be called men appeared
on the earth In what g.siloglsfs know
a the PbOOOM period, somewhat
about a million years ago. The precur
sor of man, Mr. Keane thinks, was
some such ape-like creature as the
rithecanthropus erectua, dlscoven-d by
Dr. Dates) In Java a few years ago.
Four varieties of men were developed:
Homo Etbloplcue In Africa south of
the equator, Homo Mongollcus In Cen
tral Asia, Homo Americanus in the
new world, and Homo Caucastcus In
northern Africa. From these tbe ex
isting races are descended. Whether
man has existed a million years In the
past or not, there Is no apparent reason
why be should not exist more than
million years In the future.
"Well, lioy, did you tell your mlstTes
I was here?"
"Yea. sir." j
"Well-what did she sayT
"She said I was to say she bad been
out for a quarter of au hour." Moon
Kiun Sparks Brudder, doan' yo' ad
vise ebery member to walk lu dor mir
ror paf Y'
Brudder Sassafras Coase Ah do,
boy; what ob It?
Sam Sparks Nullln', bnnlder; only
Ah wonders what Is gwiue to happen
w hen some ob our stout meinbahs meet
on der narrer paf conilu' frum oppo
"Mrs. Maycup Is always well dressed,
"You mean she wears well?" Moon
The Divorcee's Marriage.
Mrs. Jones If the clergymen hesi
tated, why didn't you get a civil mag
istrate to marry you?"
Mrs. Brown Oh. I couldn't think of
It! It's bad enough for a person of a
deeply religious nature to have to ho
divorced by a magistrate, to say noth
ing of Isiiig married by oue. Detroit
The Taddle Vans Paa.
"You can't Imagine bow shocked 1
was to discover that my cuddle smoked
The little rascal!"
"Yes, the Scotch almost Invariably
smoke a pipe, you know. Detroit
A Cruel Joke,
Snndy likes Billy, do wickedness
of die world Is nppalln'.
Billy Coolgiite- W hat's do matter,
Sandy likes -Why. I went over nn'
naked tint ln.lv fer a quarter to get mo
Billy Coalgote What did she say ?
Sandy likes Asked me If I'd have It
trimmed wld ribbon or lace.
Doctor -Did you notice the direction
on that bottle?
l.arry- Yls, sor; It sold "shako well
btfON using." ,
Doctor Well, did you obey?
Iirry- Yls, sor; Ol shook lolko th'
ould boy. Ol bod a chill.
An Object Leseon.
Motio of the '.I linear Nation.
Have you heard Uie motto of the gov
en. n, .-nt of Hlam? And having beard
It have you nis'Oted It? And tuning
repeated It, have you caught its purely
personal sppUcstlon? And having
caught It, have you tried It on your
This Is the motto: "Ah Wa Ta Nas
Hlam." It sounds unintelligible non
sense), but keep saying It over aa long
as you con and as fast as you can and
you will discover at last that tbe East
ern patois has a Western sense that
aptly classifies many a remorseful sub
net of I'ncle Ham. For "Ah W Te)
sue Hlam" la easily evolved into "Ah,
iv hat an as I am."
Qttlnn -Y'ou look as sour as a pickle.
Why don't you look pleasant when on
DoFonte-What! and bnve everybody
I meet stop me for a match, or to tell
them where some pluco is?
I.ndy -Y'ou ought to be ashamed of
yourself. The Idea nf any one using a
newspaper for a bed.
Trump Dafs all right lady; 'twas
one of dese "blanket-sheet" Sunday
newspapers dnt I used.
Weary Willis sad Dnsty Kosds.
Weary Willie- Do yer know, I ain't
foln' to de exposition next year?
Dusty Bonds- Is dat possible? What
come over yer, Willie?
Weary- Dat blamed Dreyfus decision
I can't stomach dat Kansas City
What He Wanted.
"What kind of umbrella do you want
"A rainy day umbrella," . ,
One Point Hcorsd.
"How alsiut the trust conference?"
"It's great; wu bad a photograph
Cholly Me fawther served In the
army, you know.
Idu You don't say! Dld'bc servo ra
tions, drinks or newspapers?
Wkere Illves rioarlah.
Htubb Think what this glorious
country holds for a young man who Is
PMSf Yes; take Brooklyn bridge, for
Were you at the races yester-
Theu you are the very man
I'm looking for.
Iug Why so?
Bhort I want to borrow $5.
Not a Hargala.
"Don't you think," remarked th
bankrupt lord to his American wife,
"Unit you ought to call me 'dear? "
Yes, I Mipin.se I ought," she replied,
"fur you . ei i.i inly are uol cheap at any
price." ' "
BriS' issrr i ii
l -4' jM
"Hully gee. Bill! Patsy's fodder
caught bim smoking cigarette!"
Pearl -Our minister has been stand
ing In frout of that store for the last
hour. I wonder If he Is waltiug for
Kuby -No; he Just tied two knots this
Pearl Matrimonial knots?
Ituby No; handkerchief knots, tie
Is trying to remember what his wife
put them there for.
Willing to Olv It Away.
nu say, you want something for
that cough, old man.
Dlx No, I don't I'll give It to any
one for tho asking.
Ba,nker-'You and tho boy In the ad
joining office ii pp. ar to he good friend.
Jimmy Yes, sir; we wux raised to
Jimmy Yep; bis boss give him a dol
lar mure do same time you did me.
P.dglng That Way.
"Are you and Mr. Simpson engaged,
"Not exactly, but we hold aliout six
prliniu y meetings every week."
A I. one I 'll Want.
Hoax I havo Just patented an Inven
tion thut will te of incalculable benefit
to the human race.
Joux-Whut Is It?
Hoax -A phonographic collar button
that will make Its own profanity when
It rolls under tbe bureau.
Taking It In Trade.
One of tbe disadvantages of doing
business by burter Is suggested by
story In the Ooldeu Penny.
"Doctor," said a man to his medical
attendant, who had Just presented u
bill of thirty-live shillings for treat
ment during a recent Illness, "I hav
not much ready money. Will you take
this out In trade?"
"Oh, yes," cheerfully answered th
doctor. "I think we can arrange that;
what Is your business?"
"I am a coruet-player," wo the re
ply. flood Effects of Hinging,
Army Doctor Barth of Koeslln, tier
many, says that singing possesses
health-giving propertied It intensifies,
he says, the respiratory movement,
thus ronderiug the lungs capable ol
dealing with more air. This Increase
and strengthens the action of all tbe
organs of the body, appetite and thirst
Increase, ami the more frequent move
ment of the diaphragm and the wall
of to abdoucu materially old dige