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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 16, 1899)
JONGS THAI ruuon. ,from tbe grand old master.. I 1 .1... i.-r.l. mill imp. Kit from ' ; . r i, ...nt footsteps echo tbe corridor, of time. .... from tome humbler poet. ....... .!.. eyelids mart. Or tear, if" - ,he night h" "lied with rou,lc' EJL, earee that latent tb day An.J. " a ,.,..lr tents, like the Arab.. taj a sucou " J..inrfelluW. .-.tceaMMM HAPPY EVER AFTER g "rit. we met face to fnee In '-rowded ItTMt I lind not known gl jj.ii bfltig In Loudon. . . ,l ii lilt li nervous. iim mMMv' - " n I. tn oiir lllicliiect.il ilnK rri'"i' . tit 1 1. We hnd been menus mini our ma. in., artitavned upari. am uwumwm JUL and decorator aud 1 bud i i. .n llif 1 11 I lIODim " " .. ...... and Hen apiang out, I wus lllir mm i . . .!.. n i . i ' i ! ! I ' 1 1 1 III ' L.MT 111 U a. kalta ti ml roollin iuhi m-riuru . a I ..I till II) 111 All" MV.UU . ,.'i llu' uoor ui a tut; imh III! IK M "Why. Hen. old fWiow, you bum uc- I. i . - . ' , I Mill 111 UUJ " oked at me, paling , , .... . .-, heard?" be naked. fllltl-U Not a word since the old man was ..." ii. wreck, and Iau Ward, -dp. ,, it of kin. came In for the fortune that slioum uuve urea out.. 1 replied. hesitatingly, knowing what a Uo all this bad beeu to Wen. tt. inmrhisl Boftlv. nnd his hnnita Loved In the old, restless way I had no ofh-u noticed when he had aouietblug BiKrtaut to tell me. "Ton came away before I took the inri to r.soie the old place?" be y.-s." I answered, with anmethlng like a ftap. Had they added Insult to Injury: tint! uiey uunn At tlrst the offer hurt me, and then tha tnnn In me iruve way to what you ut d to enll the artlatlc lustluet. Hadu t I tieen tliluklng of lti possibilities all these years?" But to do It for another man for blm. Hen!" I Interrupted. W. II, he really couldn't help It, you mar. ihoiurh It was not until later that 1 waa able to take that philosophical view of It. It wns ouiy tuai i loveu Lakewood too well to have It spoiled and and I wauted to get away from the city, for Dolly's father well, he liked Lakewood and all that goes with It, and so Dan, and not I, waa In high favor with him." "It was hard when you had every reason to expect It for your own," I persisted. "Yes, but there wns the bigger trou ble using me up, he Bniu, sinning .aoftly. He Bnt still then; still, except those ......I i ... .1... .I...,.!...- ,,, , liil.i na n 17111" 11.111.13, O, II - . , u.iu . ...... " .1 1 f I. ....... I... lt!U;Wl H IIIL'V WCIC, Illl.l 1 tme.. moving that Ben'i story wns a i.i in ,, iiir mill ill it'll. "Vou don't believe In ghosts-ln the L-i n. tl... .1 I I,, ,,l I stiff It lilt jou. Kick?" "Well, no, Hen. I suppose I am ma terial. My profession "Hut you'll lielleve my story." He looked up with his sweet, calm smile. Certainly 1 will Am I to hear It now'" He danced at the clock. "Yes. I'll toil von now. before Dolly cornea " "Dolly!" "Vim hnve the last of the story first. The 'married aud hnppy ever after,' you know. Well, you see, we went down to Lakewood, and the men lived at the village hotel. Hut I put up at the old place, with Gaston and Hunnnh to tnke care of me. Poor old things! OtW nnd over they described the hor rible scene to me. I hud only reached home In time for the funeral, you know, aud for the-the will, which could not be found. Vnr i vear. a whole year, I worked. .......... .. ,....,. .... cr.il of the ex- 111, II , 1 1 IV , iu., ...n . . . . , .1 I.I..I... k uuMlte woods, meiuis ami uuhiv .yenr, nnd the auulversary or mj adopted father's death was at hand. Ahl the place was a wonder of beauty now! "It hnrmened that I wns at work In the old man's room, the long one along tin- south wing. It was midnight, and I wna busy with my drawings. Now and then a splash of rain came with the wind through the window, nnd the light, the only one In the room, flickered Htnl cast strange shndows on my pa pers. "I had measured the wall and wns turning away when something on the willow raiiirht uiv eve. nnd I stood still. My blood froze as the horror of It cnrae uion me, aud my feet were like lead. "On the pillow lay the head of Mr. Outhrle. The nne. grim old face, with Its liiBcrutable eyes nnd thin lips, the brow ami s'dii'.mr white hair all this. hut the head only the head MTtnd from a liody that I did not see. "1 heard a voice, a low, sobbing yl e. but uiv soul wns faint with sick ening fear, aud I did not hear the Wnriln i u, ., v.., t t,t n chair, mv fas . . nmiivu . . ciliated eyes on the face that lay upon tbl hlt." pillow. But only my eyes WW alive. I could not hear If there trtfl worda. The light on the table Wkwad aud went out and I was alone ttt that. "Haiuinh came with the coffee I al ways have at midnight when I am at ork. She relighted my lamp and moved It out of the draft I glanced at the bed. There was nothing on the Pillow. Hannah looked sharply at me Ud M.-ut away. I swallowed the black MffM, and went over to the table where my work Iny. Tresently, aa I sat listening, I heard a slow, halting step. I knw the sound. A h.'Sltatlng. heavy step-tbe step of n old man whoae feet are tired of earth's ways. I turned my head, and I saw crosalng the room the lower I'.tnbs of a man the ft" t an I l.-gs to tbe knee. They were going from me. "Near the wall, at tbe aide of tbe bed they stopped. A flash of lightning daz il d me. and when I look.-d again they er gone, but turned toward me were a pair of arma, long, abaklng arms and lender yellow bauds, floating slowly 4t V-5:T ,a nrincVinnnnn . if . s.J -v-l-l Mill 1 ft'"' LvJ.":'U-J wT -J . . V . mm 1 Tl'iV WITWV llfrT L'k'l T niale and f. male, black and white, wha UiUfl DllfiO WlJ rr.Ll. , rnded at her aipeBa-. Mm .i. to del.gbted that the luiiiiciCatrly ATTACK St t MS TO dull SENSE OF FtELINU. Sori vVv ie mt rsA anron. l 'I t!iw,.V"Af.f - IL. .. .A it. J.. ffir, . a . V t VV do I rjrer d Jje jwdcrj, I wl;o an) oU ard wise t arr) I Mojfjrx) lorjfr Tor tie sur)x ailh dApA Wbfg kMgtta arc tut! flOUENCEA-XSNES Ml. nf l.r.Mrr III. n rt Mm. I'll i Ml 1. 1 Ihan Ttur ot K n . al llr t.i. k.XtrrliKM hlleil l African lluntrra Lnrriilior.lt Thl. The attacks of the lesser carulvora. smaller lu proportion to man. are fre quently Vi-ry painful; but mutters are so ordered that the bite of n ilug or a across me. I felt them on my face, the cold, clammy lingers, the Icy palms. I felt them draw me from my seat nnd on to the wall nt the side of the bed. "And then 1 saw them move doubt fully, carefully over tbe dark panels with thu hesitating, uncertain motion that belongs to old people when sensa tion bus grown dull. "I wns dumb with horror, but I stood there quaking like n dying thing, ami I felt my owu builds lifted and saw them move over the panels, guided by those other hands. Aud n panel moved, nnd I heard a rustle as of old pnpers. and a thud, and then I sarrk dowu uud down Necessity spurred her to action and she became a teacher. Then she turn ed to literature aud uroduced "Hetalla tlon." This wns the turning point In -her cn rr. Odor works wore written, and within Ave years she had achieved competence. "The Deserted Wlf, "Slinnnondale, rhe Mother In-Law. "Children of the Isle." "The Ust llelr ess" nnd other volumes followed In quick succession. She wns enabled In 1808 to remove to a chnrmlng villa on the Potomac Heights, nt the west end of (Seorgt town, which she called I'rospivt Cot taft, There she lived for ninny years For days I was dind to things of ! her home btNttlOg the resort of dlstln enrth. Hut nt Inst I began to be nble gulshed people from all parts of the to trace Dolly's face In the darkness country. Tor a few years In tbe '70s that enveloped me, and her voice wns she lived lu Vonkets. N. Y. the first I beard. It wns she who held my handw oue day when I was better, Mrs. Southworth was probably the oldest living novelist, and her "Ketrl and told me that In my work I had butlon." which was puimsneu two somehow found the will nnd old papers years lief ore "Uncle Tom's Cabin." Is that nroved-that nroved the secret I 1 said to have lieeii tile Ilrst novel pun- t n .1 n 1 ta-ii i' a u tiun.uf in 1 I f 1 I vull lrtnir HhIuhI serially In this country. Her ago. lie lert orr; a sort or ureatuiess look enme to his fnce. "I know. You are Mr. Guthrie's son," I said quietly. stories were translated Into l'rench C.erman, Italian and Spanish, and It not many years since public librarians snld that no books so frequently requlr "Yes. Hut they enn't And the place ' ed reblndlng ns hers did. placed auotber die. k for f.Vs.1 to her credit ou the same term, and It la uow being raruul lu the same way. THE KISS. How it u Maaad nt PtaTafal Oaaias lrlr of t tr N r 1 .1 . UadleaJ idaaittati teii us that Wt may no longer kl. that It Injures the health, and the evils resulting from the oscillatory habit. If pemMi-d In, are set forth ml libitum and ad MMNt in, I. III.' milt .1111 1 .1 1 1 lliat klSM-S ferret la usually more painful that, tbe M n u.irk (lf Bflr,vlltlU, Blll ,i,e kUs Is Injuries ludifled by the Jaws of a lion. ,,,, B, oM . lllmti m.ture. The lu.tauces quoted are v. ry imim r- M oatBOQBa- plcturea of Lgvpt uu ami rawing, ami properi) grouiHH , . , klaatU accord, ng to locality or the upccles of ,,,,,.., wMU. n tt Imck ns Jacob IM ana.King tieasi. in Minaiuanu W(, t(v 1(lM m, lU lir,,y pnuinreh tne experiences of tne nut. n are sup kU)l(.i) Um.ht., ..fH, , ratal pietneuteu t,y t apt. Al.u.l. tne re.Ulelit . .,.. .,,..,.,. ,,.. Ul, ,,. . mmtwrnm, uu na. mmm . wasj e,n- H1,y ,.,,.,. fr ij,., tore. Tlie Ho rteuce ot cases, r.uglisu auu native, as " c,..,.,, ,. ,iltvi. cUssea OUR BUDGET OF FUN. HUMOROUS SAVINQS AND DO- INUH HEHE AND THERE. most of tbe former, uuless killed out right, which very seldom bappcua, are brought to Herbera. tin- ....ilium, ba.lum and sauvlum which uieaut the kiss of friendship, of politeness aud of love. The Greeks He states that "the view that no recognized but one. the kiss of love. We actual pain Is suffered at the time f die present day have the kiss of seems almost universal. In moat enses reconciliation, of respect, of udoratloii It would seem that there vvus no kuowl- .ay nothing of the Hudson kiss and edge of tbe actual coutnet. even lu the t. Jn.la. kls." bat will tne M ien tlrst rush of a llou, much less of any tints give us lu lieu of the sweet tl in puln experienced from tooth wounds." honored klssK I'erhaps. after awhile. This was tbe view not only of the Ku we. like the New .eiilau.lers. will rub gllsh. but of natives. In oue or two n,, . a, a mark of affection caaea where consciousness was eutlre- in I rance there are thousauda of op ly lost the person "came to" while tbe iHUtuultlcs for plentiful klsslug. Hrotb llou was still standlliit over him. a IhtI- er kiss sisters, husbands wives. od of complete anesthesia aud uueoo-! friends each other. It would eveu b scloiisncss having Intervened. Hut thought prudish should a young lady- more commonly those who have beeu refuse to offer her cheek for a kiss to attacked and have recovered are con- ' u friend of the family on bis depurture sclous all tbe time, and If they suffer at ,,r returfl after a long voyage. all do not ft I ucute ialn. This may 1 lu Kngland klsslug among memliers be accouuted for partly by the shock of n family Is less .oinmoti. Men never glveu by the charge, whlcb forma the 1 kiss oue another. Still more restrained usual preliminary to Mug wounded. 1 are they It. Scotland, where a woman A Hon cornea at his enemy at full speed, would consider It baaaWU her dignity galloping low. aud daabes a man stand- If she kissed ber grow u up sons, and lug upright to the ground by tbe full mothers are sparing of caresses even Impact of Its body. Major luverarlty for their little Is.ys. In Northern lauds states that "the claws and teeth enter the kiss Is reserved exclusively for lug the tlesh do not hurt as much as love. you would tbluk." but that the squeeze ! The definition of a kiss by a Chluese given by the Jaws on the boue Is really Is Interesting. A mandarin who trav painful. When knocked over, he was del In the West for the purpose of still keenly conscious, nnd felt none learning the Kuropenn CfMtOBM was of the dreamy sctisnllou experienced by Livingstone. Major Swnlnc, struck down by a Uon eaa going full gallop, waa uucouacloua iikMimi jok.ict. in Ar tsiBsaaa) to Hat Ham Mreailll' Horn s ...I lioliiaisibat An tM.I, Curious au.l L..an.O'. To Wack's llussor. "Aud now that yon are through col lege, what are you going to dot" asked friend of the youthful graduate. "I shall study medicine." was the grave reply of the ambltloua young man. Hut Isn't that profession alr.n.ly overcrow. led 7" asked the friend. Possibly It Is." answered the know ing youth, "but I propose to sumy medicine Just the same, and those wno are already In the profession will have to take their chances." A Natural lnqnlrw. lOftltlgb - A bvvllllant-aw Idea si-vuck me lawsl eveuing. uoncuer BOW. Miss Cutting Ind.cdl buve a fender ou It? Peehlna; Information. II. .ax NlbUck'l getting rellglona. I M MB reading the Itll.le to-day. Jou Hub I ll- wns Just looking tbroogb the Old Teslniuent to see If I ban MM any mention of golf In con nection with tl... lynx Noah took Into the ark. Nat VV.,o.r I Three. Mother Bobby, this Is the third tlma I've caught you stealing Jam, and I'm getting tired of It. Bobby Well, why don't you quit hanging 'round the pantry, then? Annlher Victim. "My fnlb. r." snld the sweet young thing. "Is n gold bug. Are you?" "No," replied the young man. "I be long In th mohinoeste plclpes class." "Good gracious:" she exclaimed, "What's thntr' "Thai." he hastened to explain, with the aid of I practical Illustration, "la the s. lcntltle name of the kissing bug." And did It Not Ills Vault where the papers were hidden. It Is strange, Dick. I have hnd the walls Benrched again nnd again. The old room bus been ruined lu the search. I cauuot go back, and so we are here, Dolly and I. and Lakewood waits for us. Ah, she Is coming!" "Hen, nre you hiding from me here In the firelight?" And Dolly, laughing, light-hearted Dolly, fluttered In. Now Orleans Times-Democrat A NOTED NOVELIST. and Mrs. Rmttliworth Hud a Long roputnr Literary Cnreer. Mrs. Emma D. B. N. Bonthworth, who died at her home In Georgetown. D. C, recently, wns one of the most p o p u 1 a r novelist! of her time nnd one of the most prolific. She was liorn In N LSI!) nnd during her 80 yenrs or life hnd given to the world 75 novels one al most for every yeur of her existence. tns. tOtrtawOBTB. Her ilrst novel, "Ue tnllntlon," brought her fame and sub sequent efforts securely confirmed It. In 1841 Miss Nevltte this wns her maiden name, married Frederick EL Southworth. In Otlca, N. Y. Two years later she was thrown on her own re source bv his desertion, "broken In spirit, health and purse a widow In fate, but not In fnct with my bnbea looking up to me for a rapport 1 could not give them." ns she forcibly relates. This was suffering added to suffer ing, for In early years her sight was affected Hnd her childhood wns excep tionally unhappy. Her father died when she wns ulKiut 4 yenrs old, and, under the care of her mother and grandmother, she passed her girlhood In solitude nnd misery. Ucsldcs the novels already mention ed, "lshmuel. l'lie Hidden Ham!." "The Trnll of the Soriteiit" nnd "The Fatal Secret" are among the more fain ous from her pen. "The Hidden Band" proved a great success hero aud In ICngland lu dramutlzed form. The Line, of Kito-land's Kulera. First William the Norman, then William bis son, Henry, Stephen, and Henry, then Itlch- ard nnd John, Next Ileury the Third, Edwards one, two aud three, Aud again after Hichard three Henrys we see, Two Bdwarda, third lllchard, Iflrlghtly I guess. Two Henrys, sixth Edward. 1 Queen Mary, Queen Hess; Then Jamie the Scotsman, then Charles whom they slew, Ilut received after Cromwell , another Charles, too. Then James tlie second ascendied the throue. And good William and Mary together enme on, Till Anne, Georges four, and fourth Wll llam all past, God sent England Victoria; . may sin long be the last! In the Future. Gendarme (to the victim who has Just been run over by an automobile i-ur-rtage) None of your Impudence. Show me your license to walkl-Le Klre. Genius. Is a peculiar form of Insanity thnt Cttuses a man to toll Incessantly without knowing whether he will get $.00 or $100 for his labor. What labor needs to make It dlgnl fled Is nn eight hour law applied to tbe mothers who work sixteen hours a day. With all the gold we are aending abroad Just now we are sending peo pie who know how to distribute it. TWO Y0UNQ5TERS WHO HAVE WON FAME. The hero of tbe moment tn England la ; Grace ever MM .u-year old bOJ named A. E. V. Col ! other boy who , la ! 14 c.itle who recently I land Is little Job UnS. OI Vyllli"" . .,u u,a,le the record cricket score of KJi not out He battel for seven hours. The next biggest score waa that ofA. E. Stoddart. who in 188.1 The biggest acore the great Dr. W. U. Grace ever made waa 400, In 1870. An w inning tame in r.ng huuy Hclff, the Jockey. ltirr la also 14 years of age. yet be la earning $15,000 a year, and la now men tioned aa a dangeroua rival to Tod Sloan. Leas tban three yeara ago Kelff waa a acboolboy In Cincinnati. greatly perplexed lu trying 10 eipluln n klsa a thing uuknow u lu his cuuu try. The kiss," he writes, "Is an net of ffl IF In Hie I'orlrj "Hnalnrsa " A correspondent, writing from Tex- arknnn. snys: 1 hove two sons In the poetry busi ness. Thev con write it ny tne yam. or foot-Just as needed. I don't know how you mensure It. but what would you give for flvo or six yards? My Isiys nre hard-working fellows, and they Deed DM money." Atlanta Con-atltutlon. The vlcnr'a daughter Pupa waa very shocked, Giles, to see you standing out side the "Green Man'" this moruiiig after church. The village reprobate OI cnu 'sure ye, miss. It wns ua fault o' molne that I wus stamllu outside. Clinch. THE KISS HY MAX I.l'HIEDZKI. for some mlnutea nnd did not know what had happeued until he found him self standing up after the accident "I felt no palu." be writes, "not. I believe, owing to any special InterpoaltlOB of prorldesca. but simply thai Um shock nnd loss of blood made me Incapable of feeling It. There wns DO pain for a few days, till It was brought 0B by the swelling of my arm on the twelve days' ride to the coast." ('apt. Noyes. at tacked lu the same district by a Hon 0 1 80S, was charged dow n and bitten, until tbe creature left him, probably when attacked by his servants. Ills hand was badly bitten, but be "was not conscious of any feeling of fear, or any pain whatever, probably because there was no time, but he fell exactly as If he had bean bowled over In a football tnntch, nnd uothlng tn re." A far worse accident was that which befell I lent Vandeaai In the same year, near Itclru. The lion charged blm down In the usual way nnd mangled Ids thighs otid fractured one of bis arms. "Dur ing the time the attack 00 DM by the lion was ID progress," be writes, "I felt no pain whatever, although there was a distinct feeling of belni bitten -that Is. I was perfectly conscious. Inde pendently of si-elug the iK-rformunce. thnt the Hon was gnawing at me, but there wns no pain. I may mention that while my Ihlgba were being gnawed I took two cur trldgea out of the breast pocket of my shirt nnd IbreW them to the Knlllr, tell ing blm to load my rifle, and Immedl audy the Hon died and roiled off on me. I ecrambled OP and look a loaded rifle and tired at the carcaas."-I.ouloii Spectator. Paying '"r r.x.r I'atl.-nts. A nnlqne charity, established by a rich woman of Sau Francisco, la de acrlbtd by tbe Chicago Inter Ocean. A San ifirandBCO doetC performed a auccessful operation for a rich woman, and wbcti ii'k.d for bis bill present.. I one for $."si. The woman smiled uud aald, "Do you consider that a reasona ble charge, considering my clrcutu stances'" The doctor replied, "That la my charge for that operation; your clr cuuistan.es have nothing to do with It." Tbe lady drew a check for $S0U, and pfeaes ted It to blm. He banded It back, saying, "I counot accept this. My cburge for tbe operation Is $Tj0." "Very well." tbe wouiau replied. "Keep tbe check, aud put tbe balance to my credit." Home months afterward ane recelve.1 courtesy, consisting iu bringing the Hps of oue person Into contact with the chin of another, w hereby a sound Is produced." Kissing, however. Is not a privilege reserved exclusively to love; there uro occasions When It Is prescribed by court etiquette. Ou tlie occasion of tho crown prince of Greece's wedding the bride, Princess Sophia of I'russla, the kaiser's sister, was obliged to In'Stow no less Ihan l.V) kisses. The King of Greece iweivtd Hum kisses; so did bis Queen; ao did the Empress Frederick nnd (he King and Queen of Denmark aud Kaiser Wll helm nnd the Empress, while all the princes uud princesses present received one kiss apiece. The xxir crown prlu cess on leaving the church must hnve hud nil the kissing she mm tad uud probably had but few left for the wed ding Journey. a recent experiment made nt Berlin, where a young Gerinnu undertook lo press his Hps to those of bis sweet heart 1,000 times nn hour, for teti con secutive hours, with short Intervals for rest, Is evidence Hint there Is a limit to oscillatory achievements and that kissing cannot be carried on aa a continuous iMTfnrmunce, Having kissed his sweetheart 8,7f0 limes In two hours forty eight minutes and ten MGOndBi thla young German's lips were purulyzed and he swoon, d. Costly Admiration. A characteristic story of Gen. Lafay ette was told lu a I'urls Journal some years ago. At Lamarcjoe'i Funeral the crowd tool out lien. Lafayette's horses, us the famous H) Id kff was returning home from the service, nnd drew Ids carriage to bis hotel with many evidences of enthusiastic love nnd admirals-ill. The ICenO was a stirring one, and a friend, In referring to II some weeks after ward. said, "Vou must have been very much pha.il." Lafayette looki-d at him for a mo incut lu silence, nnd then, said, with a whimsical smile: "Vi s, 1 wus very much pleased, very much pleased. Indeed. Hut I never saw anything more of my horses, my dear friend!" A Fortune In Hirawlierrlea. J. 1'. Hryant, the Bard Well (Kyi. mil lionaire, owns tie- lurg.-at strawberry patch lu the world. It covens 1,700 tent aud has maile bla fortune. When a bride s husband goea awuy, esaury n auiuae her. aa they Mrrrljr a uaaieal Inn. Long Have you forgolt.-u that $3 you borrowed of tne aoine time ngo7 Short oh, no; I atlll have It lu mi ml bong Well, don't you think this would be n good time to relieve your mind of It? A Cnnlrlbnlnrr fanae. Sagebrush Sum Yer say Hill died of a In me arm. How could Hint lo7 Cactus Charlie Why. yer see. his at in nm so stiff that he couldn't draw his gun quick, an' the other feller got the dr.qi on hlttV Hir I'll, - Hhort Morn. "I cnu't Invite Mrs. Serou Yellow to niy house any more." Why lint'" She gels mad If I don't ask her to l.nr mill nil u i v euests get Iliad If I do." 0k Miami Lender. 1'ri.si MaTsreat I'nlnta nf View. Inventor What Is your candid oplu Ion f my device! Filelid It Is practically worthless. Inventor Yes; I enppOOOd as inui but even a worlhless opinion la some Cm. belter than none. ithi lie Turned" It Over. "Pardon me, Mr. Ktuffer," snld the landlady, "but will you kindly inform nie why you turu that piece of plu up side downf ll. cuuse It'a an open faced pie. Mrs. Durhn m. What tins thnt to do with It?" 'Well, you see. Mrs. Durham, I was brought up on pies with an upper erust." Cleveland l'lalu Dealer. An I .mi Trospect, . i. in i. ..m when were enier.-u i n " f various kinds, rendered lo umuse a baby when Its mother goes all aorta of odds and ends of humanity, down town to a dry guode atore. dla- The Wnnt Tart nf It. Do Jones I hear your tlrm barged you. Smythe-Yes; but I wouldn't mind that so much If they hadn't added In sult o Injury. De Jones How so? Smythe They advertised for a boy to till my place. Chicago News. (if O.r Kllit stuff. Did you notice? She bus a white silk suit w hich she wears to the base- bull game." Yes; she told me she thought It ap propriate. It wns made over from an old bull dress." -Philadelphia Hulletlu. Mnney No Object tn Thass. Are the Spcnlows rich?" lllch Is hardly strong enough word for It. They ow n n half Interest lu nu automobile. "-Chicago Times Herald. One A ttrnctlnni Anyway. 'She's going lo marry a liveryman." 'Well. 1 presume she Is sure that lift has a stable Income. Philadelphia, Hulletlu. 5a'l a fooliik young UJy HMMwaafl I lecdtve III i .H' -..! my Hair" qo ilw tried it ana o. hut kar-f riant). iwiv fur .1 mads-Kar-cscstiiveVy fair -New York World. Huron Today you will get the eer en murks I owe you; 1 am eiiguged to a rich woman. Schuster (frightened) Surely, Hur.ni. you will not marry on my account. Fllegetide Hlaetler. Materia ...ut. "She Is two faced, that Is what she la." "Well, slo- doea enough talking to keep sli ordinary facea busy."- Indian apolls Jourunl. Wom of a Wife. "Oh, thnt I abouhl have mnrrtt-d a funny man!" she walled. "What Is the matter, lovely dear'" asked her most Intimate friend. "He came home nnd told DM he had a sure way to keep Jelly from getting mouldy at the top, and when 1 asked blm how he said turn It upside dowu." - Itostoii Traveler. Nn Cause fnr Worry. Kind Lady It must he awful not to know where your next meal Is coming from. Trump Dat don't boddff me none. Y.t long c I know tint It's comlti' I don't keer where It 001801 from. New York Journal. 1 ha Way of the Surnmir Olrl. Mnud What made you accept Cliaw ley ao 1000 1 Madge Why, dear. I wnnted to get bla ring HMN la-fore Jack proposed. Jewelers' Weekly. Coals of Klra. Lthel U.tlle Totklua aald you waa too BOM to live, 'cauae you wouldn't let UM play with her. toad Mother- And what did you any Ethel 1 Lth.-I I Leaped coala of Ore on her bead. I aald I hoped her mamma wasn't aa mean aa you ara. Ohio state Journal. mom No Longer a Joke. 'Squlbtier doesn't write any Jokes alsiut mothers In law." "Oh, no; you see ho has oue now." 'hlludelphln Hulletlu Knew lha nrt. Eleanor's Mother- You do F.lcanor a great Itijuatlce, my dear. She la not Idle, only delicate, she baa uo power of endurance. Lleanor's Father Ilumpht I know all alH.ut her uiwer of endurance. It'a the kind that'll let her dnnco nil night III shoes two sizes too small for her, ami make her too tired the next day to dust the pnrlor.-Nuw York World. Olijectlnn Ovarrnled. He I am going for a drive tn the country thla evening. Would you care to accompany mu? She I would dearly love to go, but I'm ao nfrnld of a horse. He Hut mine Is so getitlo that I al ways tie the reins about the whip and let him follow his own Inclination. She And you hnvo both hands free? Oh, how delightful. Of course I'll go. -Cblcugo News. Not a i ...i n t I on Natnra. Mr. Jobnslng -1 don't like dat Farmer Jonea. He's too 'splclous. Mr. Jnckson -What's he done now? Mr. Jobnslng He's done gone an' put a six-foot bahb wlah fence aroun' hla melon patch. -Now York Journal. A Delicate Matter. "No," snld Miss Cnyeune, "I don't think 1 should care to vote. Public uffulrs are loo dlmeult for me." Vou used to say they were very sim ple." "I have changed my mind. It seems to be almost ns hin d to determine whom you should snub lu politics aa It Is In aoclety."- Washington Star. Itallroatl Smoking Compartments. European rallrouda have atnoklng compartments for men, and women's COmparUnentB. They have now to deal with women passengers who Insist ou smoking and will not go Into the men's compartment. Helglnm, where the Ilrst ens.-s hnve nrlsen, now puts up the sign. "Smoking forbidden," on all women's compartments. Ilrltlsh lloy r llnlk. At Deai-liatn, m ar Mayport, the win ner of the Isdt awarded for wrestling by youths under Id by the Northern Counties Wrestling Association was J. Tunstall. of Great Hroughton, who Is only 12 years of age, stands over six feet In height aud weighs about twelve tone (Um) .ounda. -Hlruilughaui Pout Jealousy. Dolly My cheeka are all on fire. Her beet friend 1 thought 1 smelt burning paint!-Hoston Globe. An honest mau has very little to eay about his honesty. Tbe aun has no need to boast of lu brlghtneea. Tbe short tale Is all right In litera ture, but the docked horse no doubt thinks it la all wrong In fly time.