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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (May 13, 1899)
Eugene City Guard. I. L. CA M PB ELL. I EUOKNE CITY OREGON Rural mil delivery la one of tbe L. o good road. A shoplifter ws caught with Mt ef atllk. Now alio U where she can't lift tli- bolt. "Away with tin lion tire proof ho tel," exclaims the llostou Herald Well, tin-)- MM to In- going. It U to 1m- Imped thnt Mr. Kipling will tint rutin- across any of those parodies when he trie tu catch up on lil rend llig. It I not our understanding Hint the III UpOl lU ISIldsQ I of Census Will I"' U i.. to count tin- different BlkM of bicycle. Bob BurdettS linn taken unto Mmnolf H Wife and n congregation. Rob i-vl dently oonsldora himself wnr hut of t ifff f i A current linn MM there wore ITS rH in disasters in iom. No donbt by tin- ti ikbi iu tbs Spanish papers it win m Increased to iho. Tin- man whom- predictions miss fin cannot -H--t tin- pulilli- to ptMi un limited conlldeiiee In hla Judgment Tbe public Im an acute memory. Tin- MI Hho killed hla rhlliln-n be cause he illilu't want them tu lie llkn hu uir. M folks probably sntartalnod the regulation upluliiu of hla motber In law. Hnlurn appears to In- making n groat (leal of unnecessary fuss nlsmt that Hew moon The enrth gets one every month iiml nobody loca much talking ulsiul It either. r , I While tin. e atrlkera may be aniloua enough ill... ill tin- pantaloons lln-y Imiko n.it I ill utrl I'K nt (he klieeH. they woiihl not mind tbOOS tiny wear hug glhg a little more ut the pocket. J'lii' i ll I., n who Ih MttM In hla vi-ii tin.'. In tnmt alorka will not got CBUCb sympathy. No trtiMt inii boon organ l.i .l tot benevolent or Mil ii Hit ry pur POOIl, iiml Hie fart M ijulte well known to mq body, Rati i.i. i age tin h iu eomponae- tloliH. The cclchrnllou of a birthday. Hie Int. -I iii a arrlea of ItmifllMt lOllgtbi "at Hie orriiHlou of the com .Hunt hy the genial reelplelit of hiltnl honors! "I un congratulated ty nil. en vleil b mule." In It not a distinct achievement In hnve mil II veil envy There la no Amorl. tin clllson who illil not rejolre that In the closing hoiirH of the LVtb Congress tie' in to of Manila wns rnbwd in ibt f nil rank of admiral pooltlon previously bOBONd hy l arni Itut ami I'orter. ThU notion Ml due botb l the MT nod lo the iculliiiit an. I Judicious olllrer who. aa a commando! Mini a ItOtOimin. has dOM ao mueb to wlu nnown for the Hug of hla count ry Khell.li Muh. .met Hiilelman, unw of Hie foreuumt unlive magnates of Fgvpl. declares that so per rent of hla poiintrjrimn are not only coolonl with Hi it i -1 1 rule, hut are MrWMtl) dOOlltWH thai ll nIuiII he uialnliilneil, nml he odds that If It wen Withdrawn the MHtttf) wuuld within a ahorl time re InpM Into barbarism. PratoetOMtM buvs a J uatlB cation wboa oncb taott- Uiony run he given. tinr ei ports of sgrlcu Rural Imple ments lo Ara-cntlna In the paat sight months aa onmparad with tin corre ponding olfbl months of tba preceding year Jumped ahead nearly tenfold. ThU U hi nine gratifying ami omlnnua. h II.- W8 me (lad In Nell the . 1. an. I mowing machines, wo nual ospool to meet a itlffof competition In the grain markets of the World from I he Argeu tine fariuera wbg uae them. The Philadelphia Bocord makea the orj g I Hilnt (hat a marked defect in ontebU un. i uholBcluI reports no corning idol ta rations or fond ami drinks la n failure to give the mums if the pariica pulling up or rending Iba adoltaratad gooda. The iuuaaa are Wbtl ihe poopbj WUl more than any OtBW fH't, Wboa they are told of the f rnuila la-lug practiced at their ex 'Iimc. And then1 la no more roaioD for alilehlllig the men engaged Iu paaalug off ipurlOttl arllclca of fHl Hunt there la for htoMlOg the maker and vcn.l, t of counterfeit money. Tim Dondoocrlpi tongua known aa pldgln -Kugllkh" Is aim. ml thy only Bcdluw of couiiiiuuic.iii. m botwoon for oignera un.i im- uniuaae, ami uim ten tint ol Ihe euoruioua hnalueaa il.un In ublna bgtaroon tin- Bngllab, Hermans ami AnMrm ua ami Ihe ObUMOO la done thmugh this grotaoquo giii ortab, cin-a ter UoleoniDO, Iu hla "Ileal t 'liluamau." ghea two amuNlug mi. -chiles to lba)W how ibanid it i. a young fort ig an Wbo culled upon two young In. lies, also fnrobjnwni was bifoc mod by their Obb MM sciNant. "That two ninety glrlo mi can si'. Nttnbor one nbMny top aide innkcv washce. wnslumv Numlwr two pOMOy go otltshlc. makee walker, WntkOO." He meant to aay Unit I ha elder of the two was taking a hath up alalia, and Ihe younger had 0M out W hen King Kalakana. of Hie Hawaiian Ishimls, vIbIIihI Shanghai, ho occupied a suite of rooms up one Might of stalra at Hie Astor House. Two Atiieil.uii PMIIohmM raOod in pay their roopocti ne in. .ruing, and meeting the pmprle tor. Inqolrod If the king was Iu " will aee." MpBnd the lamllord, ami ahoutliig to a Chinese servant at the head of the talrs. askisl. "liny! That ntooty king tnp l.le. had goO" "Halt got." laconlo ally auswensl the aervant "tlcntle M his majesty la Iu. Pray walk up," aid the I. in. II. .i.l pany today. It la rather rurloua lt deel to aeo how the world hua tuoviil from Ita bkCftdnlOM jaisltlon of tlfiy yeara ago. Helen, e la aotuetluiea spoken of aa unsettling bottofj It la Juat to aay that It baa shaken Hid foundation of unbelief. Twenty-live year ago the hlea of a flying machine wn Invariably ridiculed; It eternal liuHisslblllly waa regarded a demonstrated. Today vast f 'r tunes are Ix'lug spent In the effort to make a practicable airship. Then the medieval notion of the trail amfaMloa of metal would have DOM MOaM at by tin- most Ignorant. Now I'mfeasor BtMMMhl ha merely to -lle n few mya terlotia cheinlcnl "analoglea" and put hla claim In the Humbiy paper to find Hinuaand of fairly well-educated read era ready lo bOllOVI thai sllier bus bOM made Into gold. A procesa for extract ing gold from sen water una no bus en ticing, and, on Hut whole, the Hum seems ripe for currying out I Jr. Hwlft'w project for extracting sunshine from nKnunbora. in ihe popular mind thorn la a --it of awe of the ustonlshlng achievement of recent MHMM and a dull, ulty In drawing lint Hue between the pOMlbH and the luiaiaslble. If wn ran aee through opaque laallea, bear music ncroa the coiitluent, bottle up the voice of our dear frlenda, tele graph wllli. nit wire and light NOOl WlthOttt visible connections why not make things go of themselves The surprising news eoinea from Que bec that the I'hilu of Abraham have la-en surveyed for hutldlug Iota, and that already nine ItTOOtl have betu laid out across them. It Is addwl, and no wonder, that every historical asso ciation In Camilla ha protested against the desecration. The land ought to huvo boon purchased long ago hy the Govern mtnt, whlcb ha pranorrod th famou lite so far through the pay in. tit of a Ninall rental. It WU a rasa In which there was no need to luke any rlvka, and there would never have been any doubt alsmt the delrablllty of maintaining the grotimla as miir a might he Iii their original condition, Nowherit on this continent la there u place of greater historical Interest or one that explains and re enforces ao clearly what Is told on the historic page. With a brief outline of the facta In hla Bind the w riter can himself 1)11 In the details, tiding to the rampnrls born he real long ut once the dnnpnmto nature of Wolfe's enterprise. The ouii ii. .iinllng position of thu tipper town seems to preclude the very Idea of an attack from any jsilni higher up on the river. No honk makes It so convincing ly evident why the Trench were con tent with a careless guard tipnu the Plains. Then a walk out of Hie city and across Hie very grounds to the spot wlnre the Udomltnbbj redcoat up ponrod Intonnlflflo the iirst Imprmlop. Ilnratliia at the bridge In the brave dnyi of old hnd un heavier task than 1 lil those Kngllshmeii. The ateep li ii k m lowering over the river are for inhbible enough lo the curious traveler who carries m-llbcr nriiia nor aminiiiil Hon, mid has no foe to fear. It look aa though one proper man might stop a boOl In Hint perilous path. That au army could run Ii the summit seems fairly Incredible. Hut Interest does not cease there at the brink. A mporlor forcf was tu I"- lin t mul completed mi Ihe Plains, ami eery foot of way thrill the nerve and appeals to the Imagination. The disposition of tho troops can Is' fMdll) flgtlNd out, and the whole course of Hie I. utile can ho closely followed till the siiprciiio inn incut, w ben Nil fell and I he shout of rletory waa borno on his ears aa Hm muted French Bod poll BtoU for the city. Kroiu any but the numerical standpoint Ihe battle waa one of the most Important In history. It deter mined not only the fate of ('una. la. hut that of the whole Norlhwest, ami all the Inherit.. rs of llrlllsh Institutions n Hie region Of the gnat lake are Its bonoflctnrlen. ho mncb Um I'lain of Abrahaui stand for, nnd Ihcy should remain to tell (heir story to the end of time. TRAVEL IN GUATEMALA. Primitive Mraua of Transport Yet In Vonjnto in Control A star tea. The prlmlllve nu'iina of trnusport on Ihe high table binds and mountainous district! of Central America will ex tat till a railway running north and south, midway between the two oceans, will Introduce modern and mure eonTonlonl OOntrlraUCOn. Wbeu Ihe Spanish con- Qnorora took pniMMlnsy Ihnj fannd bo bcaal of burden as they had found the ii. in, a iu i cru. it was tin' tall, muscii lar Indian of these mountainous re gloli who was the beast of burden then. And so he la lo day. A h aihcr tlsuig, with a pad over his forehead, keep tbl load of from six lo nine stone In lis place. A callous growth on the forehead nnd the disappearance nt the rHlPKKTlTlOri. Of Owm T UK fall of the Chinese empire entire populailnn nf the empire. ItcoD and II actual partition among the tains liundrcli nf huge cltle. it is w extern neon cs lime rtirnisiici twenty times worm me onu-i e- of tin- most dramatic spi-ctacles to ih- fannd In the history of the nation. It came at... nt through the Chinese Japanese war. The pretensions of a vnst empire were exied wllllltl three mouths. The war demonstrated that CblD4 Wni made up not of one a-ople, but of ninny iM'oples poopjol who spoke differeiit languages, hnd differing custom, entertained differing beliefs, buld differing ambitions. In n general way, It bad la-en known that a HUM from Canton could with dimmity mnha himself undontond in Hong Kong, but Hie world dreamed of nothing like the racial separation which existed within Hie far reaching routines of the HoWery kingdom. All of these Interior nnd ex terior (M-oplcs Is'lleved In a vague way (hut Ihe emperor was the son of the sun. hut they were not willing to light for It. The generals were ven.-il, cow ardly or Incompetent. The navy was n Mini iii. The army waa not alxivo the ridiculous. The statu was rotten through and through. Japan accom plished the exposition, but was held off. It wished to seise Corea and a large part nf the Chinese mainland. It got only some money and the I'orinosan Isl ands, which have bOSfl a white ele phant. Itiissia, (Jeruuiny and France Interfered, England was appealed to, hut fulled to Interfere, Unglund lights only Us own hut ties. The vast Chinese kingdom wns left open nml palpitating. The cmjieror's bend rolled uneasily on his shoulders, Bnbela were to the north, south, east of the kingdom. It Is, so far a 0UIU rntlon Is eoncerned, the ggrdna ti lbs world. The seat of the Itrltlsh govern mice of this royal territory la now and hu leen for many years Hluinghul. Until last year Dot one of the Furo- im-iiu governments hud sought In qpso- Hon the Hilllsh right to control tins valley. Russia now denies It nlisolute ly. Pavloff asserts Hint Itrltlsh douil niine; of Hie Vang-' -e Is a myth; that, no guaranteed rights of Ks8esiou have, been granted to tingland by Cblnn and that Itussin bai every right to build through the valley or to take any action she may please looking to the develop ment of Russian trade. It Is over theH valley of the iang-tss that battles of! the future mat I"- fought. Impinging upon the Hrltlsh "sphere"' to the south Is tbl French "sphere."1 Itussin has gained Its foothold through diplomat')- nnd prombMS of aid. Trimee im fought for bers. French diplomacy In China lias not la-f-u a success. The French have been conrja-lled to Hnd ex cuses for wars and to take with the Strong hand. Years have been spent by the lialllr government In endeavor ing to Increase Its holdings In An nam. It has succeeded only In obtaining con cessions lo build two railways. It U contemplated that one of these shall go ninth to a point on the Vang tse ltlver, w in re It Is to Join a ltiiHslau road run tilng SOOtb from I'ekln. If the schemes Is ran i. d out tho Yang tse valley, now dominated by Fnglaml, will be picrccdlf tlirongb and through by a road portions of tbe empire wbVcb bave been grabbed by tbe contending Western powers, sod It Is common prediction In European circles that the world wor of the future Is to 00090 rrom tue ossaar lug of these "spheres." Tbe mllltnirr of Knghiud declare that If their coun try fall to preserve her domluatlon of the greut river of tbe Yang tse she will be forced to light to preserve her llitlu MM fiom utter ruin; If she does Dual ly stake out bor "possessions" she will be forced to tight over a matter ol iH.umliiry lines. The parties to the pi.irrel have been arranged us follows: Itussin mid (iermany on Ihe one side, with France helping them, not only lie cause of a community of Interest, but bemuse of the Franco-Russlun fJU anre; tin ut Itrltnln on the oilier, with Japan helping her. la-cause of rest lit incut of Russia's conduct after the close of her sue Hsful war. To these ,r,,xierllv bnlnnt must be added Italy, presnmbly wining to assist Fnglaliil. and the United Htates. which favors the Kngllsb polloy of the "npsg disir" In other words, free Ingress and egress for commerce to ami from the empire. GOV. ROOSEVELT AS RANCHMAN A Sloryof a Meeting of Sonic Impor tance with a Netvbbflft 'When Governor Roosevelt wns mnchlng 'way out West- although he wasn't Oovornot then, of con roe but ranch Joined on to some of tbe posses sions of that dynamite French noble man, the Manjuls de Mores, who hnd the reputation of never being satlslled with nnytblng hut the blood of any one who had done him uu Injury, real or Imaginary, or affronted him," said a Cattleman who lived out in thnt coun try at the time, "line day Roosevelt re ceived a letter from tbe Munpils by the hand of a mounted messenger. Its contents were three mid threaten ing and demanded of Roosevelt mi ex planation of hi conduct Iu regard tu Inciting discontent ntnotig certain elu- one ployea of the Prencbmnn's with the in V-r Russian rzPMCRC) CwmimJ VyV MONGOLIA 'pe")& M '"'"-C W- ASf. y, ORITIStj ffJgb UsptieRC rS v ... ' A ssssswsnnnaBnssmisaann JV. L VA itO" PACrc OCCAM BPflBRBB" CHINA. nnd west of him. Ills revenues were stopped. Annrcby Ibreatened mo family had bMB taught by tm.iv than lift) yenrS Of experience Hint It costs money to inpaoJ to Bngbtnd, 11 knew little of llussla. beyond the fact that It bad proved friendly In feuding off Ja pan, lie turned to Husslu. That coun try acquiesced promptly. The price paid has D000 greater than Britain would have exuded. BUSSlBO agents swarmed into Manchuria Kusslsn. trOOpS followed thein In thomnutds and a iv still there. Russian ships prowled along the cnr.als. the w aving black lines of smoke signaling to li I lit Hint hla powerful friend was still aiding him. Mr. I'mv luff, Russian rcprcsoinuilvoj nt iYklll, elected himself the ipochjl guiile, counselor and frleiiil of t ts tsung h iiuicti nml It was reread waa nt novice, ttussia mmanoed and nbtnlnod Uvaty rights, nccngnncs right, railway con.s-sslons, mining f privileges, cbnngns In custom and anj HOOK eis- niiicn i ut- i.arN minuter thought might prxiv I btiiese govcrnnieut end of wtllcb Will be owned by Russia I tent to Induce them to enter BOOSO- V in II V tT10J II II the ars minister Urved lha rl , vc or Monntnge. The L,0 ,,, , , nt scted hke a child nMldlel nnd the. other b I'rnuce. This mad 'would boVths future grand trunk lino of China:' It would be dominated by Intrench mid Busslan officials; its tar iffs would beiflxed by Krance and Uu sSiu; lis trains would be run to suit the someidence and purposes of those Const brie o. Theitienuan pov.T-sl.ins in China are much, siunller than the Itusslitu or Fretst'h possesslmu. but arc more com pa.-t land more sdvantageoualy situ ' ttcd. Noione doubts that Husslu and i iamv iig'.H'd tiuit Germany should have this territory when the three poasen wore throttling Japan. The im jnedlntivexeuse far ticrnian DCCUpntloO ivvns themorder of three missionaries. ' k.v foroof marim. was landed m Klao- " iChoo, tlie Chinese ran away, promptlv the Cerusnii flag was hoisted and the l.-cd was accomplished. The result ' is been that Qermanv now owns ti... ntlre Stunning peninsula, has re light to build Mllwaj s and that part of the empire; IIMtllMlsl ltd il nioltitM ..s ti ,..,.u,.,i.i " " i i 'i ...... .1....1 .... . i.....r,i e I., i,-,.., I I ..- , ' """" "" "' II ........... ... . ..Uh ,.i o, i ,.or in. iui- Cl We sometimes sps-ak of this as a Skeptical age. and Inugft hugely over the Stories of medieval charlatans who bnml sd lbs public, tt it is doubt fill whether the era of Jeruegau, of Ho.. I, j mid the Keely lootM h any reason to boast of Ita Sagacity. It Is Safe to say that If there were any WnO lO m uarliig the circle the proc 04 w uuld he the basis of S Slock coin HovnTAtn rnavni v m uuinu, hair are the result. For pass, ng. i trsvel a kind of sentry lsx, sometimes MndS of wbkerwork, sometime of rough tsiards, with a seat Inside and a sort of thatch overhead. Is used. Wa ter and provisions are carried by au other ludlau Iu tbe "lacaste," a sort of creel. """' Rstpbl-Klre nans, i a bnttsey of modern Qmmu artu lery, using the new Qntst tiring guns ns eutly supplUM them, cau lire sixty shots s minute at a range of over the miles. 1 1 pOUlud mid w hl'iipcrviL ii. i-i i'i.iiiiii. u un u e iree tH.rt for liu ...1 . It would not ivcclw the F,.lsl, ..... L " nuu -Mm'" r," " ruiKc n hand when the flnal s idior h.- Uiglns. It demands also the right to coti- Struct ii I. ii. ill.. I II.... to tha I... Ii...l l r i. i Bested r- - .sku i, .11111 Ii in.uiii t t X 1 1- ItH L'll tho Yiuig tse valley, thus placing a raBwao am n.sl be a third bslmlcol n.,tv 1-it In Hi.' territory supposed to belong to Bingund If the French claims for nn extension of "sptiere" are nUowed the Prencb will out the ltrltlsli line ,.f jcnmmnnlcntlon betwnnn Central Chins nnd Itrltlsh China. This Is made char rV'.v a chiin . at the inau. l'hc dirTi n ine In the isillcles of the three gnat powers briefly stated Is ureal Britain, conMnnl in Its coinmsr dnl prow. si and the value of the fist Wuohl It lias nlsiaiuisl ly half a century Of occupation, wishes lo throw OgOO M the world the trade of the M&OOOiUttt Ibrnbjectsaf the Iflmgnsnt Russia, tier- I mny sn.l t rancS have wished to par I I it ion China i aminos! InBy smng them is, :.s. lis, p,,g ccrtnlu H.rtlout for ' ihe r VeltS employ, which, the letter Kftld, had been r resented to tho writer on goml authority. "Teddy rent the letter. 'No answer.' said he to the messenger, who rode away surprised at the apparent Indif ference of this endangered rmichinnn. Itut Boooevelt Immediately mounted bis horse mid rode to the He Mores ranch, arriving there soon after the Prenchmnn's messenger had ranched home with his report of bis errand's result De Morn, raging over the auda city of ihe American, was nevertheless h mated to hear Roosevelt nnnounced. Teddy did not dllly dally. Holding the letter In Ids hand, he said: " 'A mn wouldn't write n letter such as this unless he waa looking for some thing:1 "De Mores stood speechless for n mo ment, then bowed politely and replied: 'Ah I Your explanation Is all right ...... nuusmnory. 1 am sure I baVl been mudnformedr "That ended the Interview and Ted i remounted his horse home." New York Suu. mid went l'iss:ulor. It lli-il to llussla. to t.'or nmny, t. BnffhunA steadily tho Uu an pressure cssatbfnsd. Nothlnn cooJd lighten it it is stift eertsi Nominally leasing only a pari of the Ugtnng 'ii Insula IliiKslit nuvv controls all of Man chuila. vvltWh Is being oMned by the Slbei iuu MSt Miiucburlau raJlvvnvs. It controls attt of the p -iln. . of 1'e QhsO l ee. which Includes IVkln. It omirols Bbnnnbl at,l ffhtnnbl. over which a ltd giiiu eornurnnoa (wnics hide a itns Sinn corpmatlosl Is driving a railway. ii conns. is Ksnsn, nnoxntored, but to ne rich tu minerals, ami the northern ? art of Thibet This niystei kus land. which is etoned t. Bnghusd from the south. Is wide os-n to Cusski ftom the north ami is is-iiig Msrveyed b.v iiuss u sngtnoera with thsns hnrrlkaHos itns slu doinluntes every caravan route through KokoNor .iiid'Tuikestau. Tbe price bus leu high. vay.r HoMon Mayor' HuK8eatn Mayor gnin.y. of llostoti. has sug- that the city should i.oit.i . municipal crematory In which to m. clnerate the Isslles of pauis-rs, crltnl mils and others whose burial dnvolvus upon the city. The Idea Is to do awiv altogether with the potter's Held It Is assertisj that the city rouM oivmatr bodies at a cost of only i ...i,, wu It ,-osts ;t to dig n grave. The present , I-..... , . neui w in ne nihil bnf expiration of the present ouriais now amount year, and Increase In ore Hik year. Tin to about BOO a number yearly. Our Idea nf true charity Is to say when a man's hair gets white tbal It la due to sorrow and uervous slralu. In. stead Of to old ii 4 u. , . i . . . . . . . . i'iiv. iiv soutn or the lloss in -i,..i. .. - ti, . ii..,.. k . .. . I " -oniig ami narring out nun "-"" spnere. 1 lie petltorsbj imansof i..,-. .-Mi-, om i :,,- renter ol me map. Hons. I,., ., ..,...., . ,ue gii.il i aug isr valley I-or I'll may Is io..rst ll.ui, .i...... & . . l 1 .mini m liflll II II II. IS I . I 1. .... I . ,. , . r,H .11.1.11.111110 i lie ois-ll il.sir In a iu, sunuunaiasa , bor Mnhere" sMce the ncanhdOaa of 1hl la fhlna actual i h.-r i.i...r.. . ... .i. .... . ... cm... ii i.i... .... ..... ..r ... " ' "or am ' s "e uinese. n! I I lilll.-l Is tne I ninu of the Ml iu hut '.ins or the customs rvgul.-t taxes, niirw.iv tariffs, -t,- tuftisl here that tin-al llrtt boon rags rood Itrltlsh trade. Valnabte Met U, Aluminum is non worked on a larg,. SCOJS r. r all sorts of Industrial pur POOre, snd has taken Its plaiv as one of the the or six commercial Hsutnhl "f the world. Weight for Weight. It It L cheaper Hum ennsnw aud tiu it does not tarnish. Is suitable for all kinds of cooking utensils. Is largely nued In shipbuilding aud Is a most vai anble S IJuuct to metallurgy. Inasmuch as a small addition of aluminium to a mold of steel or brass lusures absolute ly solid castings. three-fourths of the enilr.- ti,.. Z irade r it i. .k .u . l,lu" J"u ""n" you have Jdati. hu dvtia.tv It eoniain. .list . L l"u'11"' ( h"srt disease recall what you ate for PAW.UUO is.ipte. SS4tJhrM fourths of the Tho a.vompauylug map marks the limner, ami you will remember thai you ste pie. I'lentV Like " Mrs. Crawford What does your hin-huml dVS un during Feut? tr, Criiiisloiu' 1 never knew hltu swear off snythlng, except hla tuxes Judge. niinruiitrF Fulfilled. Miss IloJnck (to the milkman) - Look her.-. Mr. Chiiwk, you warranted your in Ilk mile vet the lactometer shows water III It. Mr ('hawk-Well, inn'am. I gunrnn tei that the lactometer shows that tho water Is pure If It says anything about It. N. w York World. Flipped a Cog. Captalnlssluio Our lire In Manila didn't come up to expectations. Ajulnnldo- No; but the lire of tho Americans exceeded thsm-Phllsdnl-phla North American. A Hnd II. .lot Abandoned. "Your cousin Wilfred's health seems to be much better tbun It wus a year ago." "Yes. the doctor says the trouble with him wns that he wns too hearty an eater. Hut he's doing literary work for a living now." Kurmark of Fame. "I've struck some encouragement at last." "What Is It?" "This prominent mnn used to be a farm hand at flO a month." "What is sncouraglng about that?" "I used lo he a furm baud at 1U a mouth myself." m Ilia Logic. . I I re iii r Cnni1. "Which ,tyle f rn.T fer?" asked Willi., u 'ln i had Just been r , . ",(. I by a street piano; i.rtiuiti " "111X1, "I prefer tbe Italian" . Cnvenne. "TI . "."'Hi " ""-ne-ira il,,.,.'. one no uo off,... " ... . . u'l r vu. -vvaslilugto,, Foretaste. ""u,u' wt-ping COIBBM. Jeannette)-Je whir: WbenllJ I'll never marry any 8u wlJ New York World. 1 '' Man. I T1 . A. "'' young mnn, Kald lkh-il noltitlliir I., n i . .. . I across the street, "has uuuIehs.Zk . ,- i i. . t . . iui uimis" uu mis U luge." UXtltTVI "As to how?" asked the itrnnpi nniipi) uy 0000101 trli cranuofr grntulatlon or condolence, as the i slon culled for, to mmlnaoi n..r - inaiuuiUKills Journal. She If I hud known that you would have left me here alone so much of the time I wouldn't have married you. Ile-lu thnt case you'd have been alone n good deal more than you are now! I.ustlge Klaetter. in mi. Heaven I "I see It Is becoming the fad to have your wedding clncinatographcd." "Hut a feller doesn't have to have his courtslilpciiictniitogrupbed, thank heav en!" Boston Journal. Two Views, Perkins We must hold on to the Phil lpplius. I'm for expansion. Wlmt Would be the use of Itewey's brilliant victory If WS were to glvo up the lsl amis now? Murphy Didn't he Imve the folght? tilvln up the Islands cotildu't tuke thot away from him, could It? Her liUcnvery. 'Ah, j-efl, he sighed, "It swim tub n law of nature that everything i be continually changlug." "Well," she replied wllhitapgl bitterness In her tone, "1 ithnjl since our marriage that thmimj little change about you." Away Hetilnd. "What's tbe matter? I lioartkiti are going to withdraw fnunourt "Yes, I enu't afford to run the t of being ostracised by socletj ( inalulng a tnciuber of au ur that has never bad a cake will'. cago Dally News. Terapora Mutantnr, "Scyllo and CharylKlls," Hill friend, "were the two dnngeiNH so often mentioned In ancient I ture." "I know," replied tbe Cnngri "If we hnd them over lure therl month. nod In every river nnd MIL" Puck, A niiiteur Work. Does your husband play the violin, Jlrs. StebblnsV" ".No; he Just fiddles a little." In the Qatierr. Jimmy Say! wasn't dat great where he holds the mob nt hav? Tommy Wofs great nls.ut It? Don't dem supea know if dey did anyt'ug to um aey a git de grand bounce?- Puck. A Common Ksperience. "Wlggs, do you believe that gold ever grows?" "(f course; when 1 bave any It con stantly grows less." Voice of the Philistine. if Actor When 1 stand on the stage I See nothing mid am conscious of noth ing but the role 1 am playing. The au dlcuce disappears entirely! Friend Well. i cnn'l blame the audi ence much for that!-Unsere flssdl scha ft. A I Ml Keaonrre. King's DS tighter Mercy! Do you al low that half grown girl to read Zola oml Ooldal The mother I must do something to ker,, her away from the newspapera.- Wanted Cirnndeur. "Men ore so Btupld." "Why do you say that?" "We paid $300 for our ptirlornn ture, and my husband wants ail keep the window shades pulled nt night." Wanted the Tangible. 3 T Bnby-O, mummy, don't ink.' il the candle. Mother-But. darling, you know IM Cod Is always with you. Hahv-Muuiiiiv. tilease tnke nwuy and leave the cnndlsl JUl')' 1WI Unni John," she asked, "did you Ret tttf l lMilr of shoes for little Hessle Iihuj.1 I'oor child, she will have t-. g,.to.'tos barefooted nretty soon unless yuu & tend to the matter." 'No. my denr." be replied, I 1 been too busy to-day to tlunk a'"l shoes. I cou't let such matters nisirac . my mind from business ought s attend to that yourself." After a brief silence sin said: ".I. dm .In von know M;s Wlldts I SB V tier tmstinnd ts one ''i luc bowlnn in this town?" Pooh! lie's uothlng of the svi the man decland. "I've b" " to".1" with blm nearly nil sfternoou, " Simply Isn't In It with mc. re- Why, was panic v --I, ,. . Her Orlef. Harnes You keep that parrot to .,,.., you or your poor husband? i never thought that Bhedd Ularly green. The Widow Shedd-Xo; but you should hear some of Polly's conversa tion. "It Is awful, but then It U so like loin. Boston Transcript Likely o Jones -Wonder what made Colum- uun ios, lUiua mat the world square? wasu't Johnson Rikon somebody put up , Job ou him. Eichauge. Homenibeie I. Iu the "Memoir" of I.ord ltrnn)j tu n ullln lll,,u,.llon nf tin fSCl I reputation clings to us, veu i many years. Tbe gnnt J tu s I He lad became a pupil m Ll ' KSMai wuere IM one i". - !.,-... mmmm 1,1. unln, n I,, a l ' .iv .....is uis nuivi, Channell rend for the law. nnu i . .....! I, me n'1- l O Ell'UOOl iricutiB HI III.'.' .1 i, r iiM-s uuiii, years aiierwuru, l, ..i.i . ..i.. i.. - u-.i at M"rJ Htolip nwss-..M n u.u ., ,i. soll-'l'" vvunuiiauuu w in-nn showiil a Haw In the ph . ' by them. It was of a sort "llk' . . 4 I III l i noe nays would prove m cas. The solicitors could "Uly SW tl.a II ' " - Ku .llueov ......... .. -. ..ked tlU ii uo ib aguiusi iwi nelL "Oh." was the retily. S well. Nobody ever heard fore." "Then, gentlemen," nhl cate, "we're done. 1 was at that gentleman." He in rlht Hrsmw.il W pr" Mr. ,f ului besl W clever for them, and the) 1M