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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 11, 1899)
Eugene City Guard. I. I. OAMrBKLL. frapHatar. KUttKNK CITV. ORKGON MM who plot In France would. In other laud, be knowu a nutural co medians. The fight MtMM Mm. Kcely and the Keidy Motor Company suggest sort of locomotor ataxia. Experience I alxnil :ill Spain hu ac ruuiulat-d lurliijj UM year, aud she was liol ocodlng much of that. Talking of dM Nicaragua rar.al In connection with the Isthmus of I'ana uia, lliv qMaTflM la. Will It go ttiroujttt? In an Kaatcrii female college a swim ming mi l'a Jnal M-en completed with a mpMity of .Vi.iXJU gala. Big college, tliut! It la Intlinat.-d Hiat Mm. I.rnlnl CCD M- Induced to rompronilae. I Iter ly unnecessary: Hhe has comproMlMd her MM already. There iiotlilng In using MMMd cati'ly that's glng to make MM tiee to tlie awi-cl bye ami bye ly tliat route especially dcalrnl le. The Phlneae have killed eereral French missionaries, WfclM I" cqulva lent to saying that France will aooii own another allee of Chinese territory. Marie Con-lll ny that he doe not regard null lle aa Juatltlalile under U consideration whatever. That a ape Mil plea for her atyle of literature. Thoae new autoiiiohlle truck III New York are going to lie piopclhsl hy ii.iii pre.! air. Ilnmea will have a rct. If M III triad that hlowa uoMMy any gissl. I'ruf. tinnier haa M haek to Afrl ra to atudy the monkey speech. Aa I'lilly iuu talk, we may yet kuow the prei -lac language used at that uiolikoy und parrot time. Cul. Ingeraoll la aald to have had Ml waleh MM lately. Ile a pruhahly Mi pleased over It, aa hla Idea of a happy BMM being coiillueil tu thla world lie dociu't like to loae any time. North Iinkuta la right In MOMtl Ing among lu r needa n better dll law. TM hualncaa that Hie present "tie may bring to the Sttite run MTH offact the daJMM It Is doing to her reputu tlou. Ktjierta any that the war tnught lit tie f any ahM to military MMI Thla la to be regrelteil, although rt liuulil Ih iMime In mind that Die war wua mil undertakeu fur that precise purpoM. ( i Paul Krug.-r I" determined that the iplo of Johannesburg shall have at li;imt two duya' rest In MM week lie haa laued a decree, and It la Ming enforced, thai M piano playing ahull occur on Friday or Huinrdiiy. The I ttit k III eime lift m had Hie effeet of making people u Utile skittish iiImiiiI eating anything aetil ihrougli tlM mall. It la In ba hoeil Ihul the t'omUh MM will HTI u almllar effect In checking the w llllughcn of people to lake nil) kind of iiiedlelue from the build of mi) I n n I y Ihul offera II. In a number of ITCH DM of Industry wild h for yenra tireat Hi Un I n hM re guided heraelf aa aiipreme, Hie l ulled Stale hna taken Hie had. The bad. nine taken, inn never lie regained by tireat llrltnlti. There win n lime when Ita large reaoun ea of Iron ore and eoill gae U nn advantage. Iin resource In IbMI material", however, are nothing compared to thoae of the I'lilteil Slate juat how MiMtn and specula tJoB pay wa very clearly brought nut In the testimony of Die defuultlllg teller, llogga. Ill the hover bunk rime. He nri-ouuted for f.'in.mo of Hie ahortage a follnwa: I .oat on i are iraeka, f!.M,. Mat; In marginal MM OpotatioM. f-V Mat, lu poker, 110,000) In fnro, IfcQOOj In .ln Mini bin Wet ahopa, fll.oiNl; and I'.'.imki lu poH tlcS. Here la a choice col lei lion of MMMM for giimblem and (peculator In n .1 ul lii iiril LlOW umh a young girl, her Ural literary venture was tl vornbl) not bid lu a local uewiptpw "'I'll l i 1 1 1 Hi tie girl who knows about hooka," anld a favorite uncle, "ami write au article Mini haa II printed; hut 1 wish lie knew more about bonne keeping;" a aeulluielit hleh III after )ear Mia Howe bad occasion 10 c. ho V llli fervor Few women reach adult life without rinding thciuitlfM mi clr fjUMHUCIOd Hint n dom.ntlc training la Invaluable lo them To horseless carriage and amokclc powder add i hliniicylo fuciorlea im I lie uevvenl III MMMWlM Hereto fore II ha been necessary III orvler to MMN plenty of drufl for a (MM to build an InMMMll tall chimney. Now II la found I bat tnnlcud of pulling the iltnft by a hlmiiey you can push It from Im'Iow IHi a fun A plant run li I it k tlirei' MMM of HO MIW POWW ti led till" eM rlnn til llb n fan w hoao vliev I had a dMUMMf Oi Mfly four Inch e The drufl waa an nun h betlensl thai i lie tit in Kaveil marly fl.maia year by lining a MMMf guide of null. For defelialxe purpoaca the leaaon of Alnerlcau marital atdnr and aklll taughl lo BwMI within Hie year that la p.mi la of Incalculable value and for long ycam to come It lulial teltier the aggleaalvciicaa of nalloua that might otherwise have nought to clink (lie prog i. of a republic whom- uuevniu pled prosperity l a alandlug MM to monarchical lualltutloiia. Notwltli landing the republic Inn. Jvilnnl the runkaof the invxleru militant power lu audi iltainallc way and lu auch a hurt lime, we may cotifldenlly truat that Hie country will remalu a aluiii laTlng glaut amid the unworthy con fllcta lulo w hlch aoine of the militant Uatloua have bn-li prune lo cuter. Now that Mr. Hotktu ha lieea ad Judged guilty of Hie charge of lining the urn II. a MMI for Ihe dlalrlhu tlon of polBoiKil candy we are glad to Jcaru that ahe will be locked up for the ret of ber unnatural life The Borgia luduatry ahould not ! ullownl to flour Mb lu thla eiillghieuiil country, und there are certainly more humane way nf separating a man from bl wire than by the uoe of quick poison. It M very pleuannt to he Io'h hy the ladle, but the average MM la not MMMM that the divine paaxloli ahall M car rled to auch an extent aa tliut, and the ' rarlou eaaaya oil love, from Hchopeii hauer, Mra. Corhlu and ollu-r able au-1 thorlllea, hare never ImI ua to believe that the right feminine emotion of ten-1 der paaalou la reapoualble for (MM I bomb extreniea. We are aollcltou that; during her ln nrcerniloti Mm. llotklB ahall lie low ly mtCMd and ihall be kept an far aa poHxIMc from the prison dlapeimary, for a MMM of ber Im pulai' I likely at any moment to at tempt to MMMM her iMb-ut for flavon lug confection. fine of the luoat valuable of reeent naval erltlclaina calhil out by the Spun lab American war M made In an article lu a German technical magazine by Hear Admiral riuddcmnii. of I In- Ci r man navy. The German admiral anyii the war will lend to no radical revolu Hon of pp will naval lib an, but that It will enrich former MMIMMI by wny of llluatratlon. The naval opi-ratlona of the war he (MMM under live henda the peraouml. the coiialriicllon mid equipment of ahlpa, the artillery, the torpedo, Hie ram and "peed. A to both the torpedo and the ram, he any Ihe war hu left ua pructlrally where we were when It iH-gllll, aa their efficiency cannot be wild to have been fairly taMML The MPMtofttf of Ainer h an fMi and guiltier la willingly rec ognlzed, hut the German adMinl any but few of the ahota were ejplixbil, and that the making of Hie fOM hna evidently not yet fMCbld perfection lu America. In the nnval -tuittle of Hanllugo be aaya the American veanda made hut 1CI hlta for 170 guna, and that of thcac the l.'Mnch and the I'.' Im h guna did not (cure a alngle hit. Kiploalon of a sin II klllnl the entire crew of the (iiiendo, but lu the opin ion of thla naval expert thla would not have happened If Hie nun t had had no roof. The German MMt agrn-a with moat othera thai the gfMtM eiecullon was wrought by Hie 1 poutnlera. and the fact Hint only four American gun were lu need of repair at the end of Hie war sM-uka well for the durability of the artillery. Notwithstanding the notable example of the gentleman of Oregon who gave away hla wife and threw lu four acre of onion for good measure, It does not follow Hint wive gnd DOtOH! MM anrlly go together A Inter lnlani e I reported from New York, where a wife put onions In the soup, ami Is now lu the hospital suffering from a aevere coin union made by a heavy plnte burled by Ihe Indignant partner of her joy and sorrow And Ibl uggels the reflection thai many domestic trng edlea are Inspired by Ihe thoughtless nesa of women In their culinary af fair. The ladles never weary of aa sertlug (hut the way lo a man's affec in. n- la through hi stomach, ami thl I II mill I Bid J Md grandly true. Hut since II Is so widely known it doc seem n Utile atralige that women will per slsteutly lake chalice where (here ale no chance. Ignoring Ihe delicate and subtle MMM of continued good cheer and huppllicsa. We have MM lunch sut prised Htnl Ihe women's clubs, and taptfllllj the household depill Itnelil. have not given more lime to this brunch of OOMMtM felicity, ilntlug out In sNi'lal meeting the advantage which accrue from diplomatic avoid ance of Instruments of wrath, such n highly fluvorisl onion, garll. . nil pep ptr( chill sauce ami tubusm, assuming Ihe conjugal aversion. While tin true gentleman will break a BUN over hi wife' head It I unnecessary even to give him provocation for the deed, und It appears to ua the duty of the worn en' club to urge n little more fcui I li I in- cure and Hioughtfulticaa. JOURNALISM IN AUSTRIA. I. uitli runs IttvelMtlioi of nn i lii i Bmgll o Trial for UkoL Home i in lolls fact have been brought lo light In Ihe course of tin lirllou for LlboJ luougbl Mgainsl Hie edllor of the Neiinklrchener .eltung, a provluclul weekly paper with a huge circulation In Neuuklrchcn and dlsirl.i. Neiin k lichen Is a IbiurUliIng town aluul tlx ty uilli a from Vicuna. The editor, t'url Kulf, urged In ex li'tiuallou of hi mUdctueanor Hint be wua mi occupied with hla d title aa a shoemaker Hull he bad no time to prop crly discharge hi editorial work, which he only MaWftOOli us a supple mcntnry iHciipallon. Ill salary a editor wa t5 per annum. Judge .- i do liol ii'tu lo pMMM the training uml evltnallou MMMMT to nn nlllor. Hen Kulf That I not MCMMUP ill all. Judge Hut an editor must at least li able lu w rile an article Heir Kulf Oh.no. 1 cut all my aril vie out of other pupcr. Judge Who mini u editor In your ubsence? Hcrr Kulf A halter Ihul next door to Hie olllcc, and he used to receive the MMMPMatMfft ami hand II over to the pi Intci Ihe printers published what Interested them. Judge Thcac are extraordinary eon dlllons for a lowu so near the MPitgJ of Austiln Hcrr Kulf ll I nol only In Vienna that proper Ideal of the mission of the pres are lu vogue. I alway praise Ihe tow umip who deal w lib me and pay their bill regularly, ami "pitcli Into" those who buy their lne else where ami do nol settle their debts TM Ncuiiklrchcucr Zcltung I a MJN Willi prlu. Iplca It rMMTM a aubveli Hou from the local autborlile. Judge How do you obtain the ub ratMMl Heir Kulf I underbHik to fully re rt all the Mayor's MMMMj chnnlcl hi aiuall doing and shower pile on bl administration. Ilerr Kulf was MaUsJ sentenced to a flue for not exercising that iiprvltlou over hi vaper VMM an editor I lu Auatrla legally vmiK-lle0 to do. -LoO don Mall. I'lg to i hlns. It la said tlTtl lu some of tbe farming district of t'hlu pig are harnessed to mall wagona aud made to draw tbeiu. Kouie men can t understand why tb fool klllrr dorau't call oeit door. TRIBAL CHART OF THE PHILIPPINES. TAGALES 0 VICOLS VISAYAS PIRATICAL MALAYS VARIOUS TRIBES L umoe MOW MMM J 6 1luzon PAClFfC 0CCAN CHiA SI A .ANA MAN 1 1 aWJMJ -' rVHNOORoV R . ... I - - c V A POHNE ISSii CArANOUANCt AMAR rS J) S ,1 gA)Lrv L. LA V 5V 1 vT" JOO'OO ACHlPtl.A.0 ERRONEOUS iMPRESSIONa Vrr UMM LET US ALL LA CO H. UKES FROM THE PENS VARIOUS HUMORIST OF ilruaani Incidents Occnrrlng th World lrr-J log that AreCheer fnl to Old or Young fuunJ OMMtMM tbat Yon Will Knjo. T li At.riiit ln Knoi xt... ,ii ihe True Indian. We oauiiot deal with the Indian of to day uules we kuow the ludiau of yea urday. Tbe average man aeldons lhlukalsjut Indian, and wheu bed-e be tbluk of Iheiu either with entire liidlffereme or with couteuiptuom dl like. He Is inovisl lii iurt by that nar row in- which lead U todeple those nlin In anneaiaiiee or by blrlh or tr.i- .... 1 --' ran i.iirsi.lve - i I . . . , i - . . f Ylltlie. DIXJOV are mnnn vs w : . .. . .. 1.1..1. I.... I. mn a white II.. knew th.lt she was a clever IU1I Ilie . i ling r .... i. , - - . . .. ..,,..1,1 n an to -ak wllb coiilempt of uogroet D(.s woman, nml tln reion u r i MM More weighty than tbl bl , heme a goo.1 one. Hut he did BM feeling, however. Is Hie liiherlleil one J realize that ahe w n such a good )MM that the Indian I an enemy, who from of values. the time he was first known Ml MM "I have ninde a bet that I will m.irry lioi tin iii ua. Hven liowflduy UJ0t you," he said. Molli-V up.' slip nsKcll. The area of Ihe I'hilippines, lidvJOO MMM mil. .. i- 11 oal tfl New ork, J enn sylrania and New Jersey, w ith a total population leal lbB that "f New lurk oOO,(MK, Th.- Mrrrf oi Um Maoda, M1a la I0U - B fly -co different na- tire trils-a, speaking over thirty langMgW. Tin - in !u ided into tin-alHirigmn population, mived with Malay I ''"' P"re Hgri.uliur.il Malay, and tM pirainal Mahij. The Uaak MM hi tM map an- the r.. i i - 'ill occupied by the vari ous aboriginal and semi l.ri,'iual trib. In Central Miii.binao these I rils-s , in still naked heatlieii. In North I. u w ilb the Ar o i - iii l Igorrotes, these trils- have paniMsl mil of Ihe savage atale. The varh u- Iribrf ih . up) ing Hie bare places, from thirty to forty In b iiiiiImt. are all individiiallv small. Tbe Tannics in South tflM) the Vleol mi Ihr east. iad tM Visn v a in the central and southern Inland are MM M M pMOMll and partially CfcrUtMll led Malays. Thepirultcul Mnlny In the loMOO an hi-lro and the edges of Ihe odjMMl island, are a suvnge and kiOOdtklrat race, lurrying tire, IWOTd and rOplM M all tbe surround ing islninM. A MONSTER FOSSIL. Illsrnvrrr In xoinlng of PnMM Out Was 180 Vttt I on;. Wyoming M writing a itTMfO ebnp ter In the world geological hlalory. Tbe big sagebrush Cointnolivvnullh I scoring n record breaker lu fOMil for ntlnm by raMfMtas Un pMrMod Mines of Ihe most colossal animal ever taken from the earth's alriilu. Thla alone monster wn a dweller lu tbo Juralc age a dlimaaur,' measuring nearly IM feel lu b-iigth and Mdug per haps M feet III height lit the hip and i.'." fed at Ihe shoulder ail animal so terrible In sle Hint Ha pel rilled skele ton alone I Mdleved to weigh MOM than MyOOO pMMai AsNlslniit ProfMMC W. II Iteeil. of the departmciil of geology In Wyo fe.,-:'-;j " " - - A 1UMISAI II OK IM UN I I I VI 1 . mliig Slate I'nlverslly. M Its dlOCOt erer. He uiade the great Bod while prospecting for fossil ninety tulle northwest of I nrnmle lul August, ntul allien that time the geological d. p.iri Ml of Ihe university hu been secret ' ly nt work In It fMtOraUoH. So va-t I the skeleton of Ihe animal Hint Us sinatlest bMi .vet found I more than , j man can lift. und. wllh men In Hie Meld colistuully lit work, It I believed thai iniiny month BMJ ul rOQUlftd before the niotisler can be placed on the cum pita ul l.urumh'. I'onjii luring us to the probable np pciil'illicc 111 life of the creatine, Prof, I teed says: "An accurate Idea of a living dlno MtM M DMCUmIII All of the QMOtVlD A ... .filing to My opinion. I should M) that the Miilimil now M-lug brought to light would weigh lu life nlsiut 00 i ton, thai he hud a lieck 'M fMI In leuglli. and a lull ptrhgpj tin foot In length. 11 1 rib are ftbOQl l foM lu leuglli. ami Hie cavity of bl body, with lung und cut rail out. would MtM a bull M feel lu length. ti feet In width, and. archill over, probably 1'J feet In height. Such a space. If DCopoC ly arranged, would seat at himt n poo pie. A rOMai sl.ak taken from a ham of Ihe animal would have MM at leant 'i feet In d.anieler, or more th in ;:." fn l lu clrciinifcr. inc. and would have a solid DM) lu Hie middle, l-'vll Imh c. w lih no hollow for marrow A set of four In cavalry COttM MtUf hove rl.bbn abrcnsl bttWOM hi front Mai bind leg, provid.il he had liol object ul. Kvery time he put his foot down It covered more than a MMtN yard of ground, aud mud have fairly shaken the earth. The maltuc. of the head of this animal I a peculiar thing I should say that Ihe In ad of Ibl mighty dinosaur was probably not larger lhaii a tM gallon keg. He must have been a very sluggish creature, a the brain cavity would certainly not warrant the Mdlef that his brain welgbul lo exceed four i r five pound." Knew Ills Nickname. It was an Id of the laic Prof Lincoln. tt BtOffO I'nlicrsliy. that uoihlug made a greater Impression on those a bo knew blni than I.I treiucudoii earnestness One of his former pupil ays that no oilier professor of hi day talked o Utile In Hie MMHMM and uo other sceurtil uch MftMt order aud dimnnn. lu hi preaen.v the niot volatile be rauie temsrartly iUte Work began at tb trat uiomcut of tbe rwlutioD hour, und lasted to tbe closing one Hut Dobody rum led thai Prof. Llocoto, with ill Id gravity, wn devoid of a euae of humor. "M. Tni! Cicero," bagu a ttndMl to triinslute one .lay. XI. l ull ! M. TtttLr exchilimsl Ihe professor "Why Hot give the gentle MM Hie whole of hi PMMl" And wllhout moving n num. le of hi face, be detnanded, How should 1 like to he culled LlncV This wa u UtUa t'ai mil'-h for even the hushed atmosphere of the Latin room, and brought down the house. Nine out of ten of the !iys never called him anything else but Line., ami he knew ll. too. and uo doubt did not ills like ll. for It was a term of positive en AoarmMt, Hut for the stud, nt who habitually neglected hi work Prof, Lincoln bud im mercy: such n student might Mpoci to I- metaphorically annihilated by n few clearly cut sentence. -Youth's t otupauloli. MRS. THEODORE ROOSEVELT. l i r. ut ility of On- M ifr of the New l.ovi-rnorof New ork. Mr. TModoro Booacrell win uot ci naMl to ba latorvlewed, neither will she give her photograph to the new spa p.-r for pnl. In at l.ui. She ll not haughiy. Ilor excessively mod. -I. but she dislike this form of publicity, and Mr. Hoosc veil I very much like ber husband In one reaped linn when her mlml I madt up. However, the -nap shot lien. I hu cnught her una war., and the nevvspapcr ate pulillshlng the result. It doe not do her Justice, though the likeness I almost perfect It Is Just bow Mr. Itosevclt looka on the street lu w inter dress. The mistress of the executive limn IM al Albnny wnsa Mill farovv when she married RoOMVOll ten years ngo. She wits an I nt limit i- friend of the first Mrs. RoOMYOlt She I lu the early .So. f MdiMn height, with fair complex Ion, dark eye and hair, and pMMMM 0 remnrkilble charm of manner. The liovernor hu uo more fervent cham pion than hi accomplished wife, who Mils. TltronoRC ROOKVKIT. s opit MM to think of the ludlun only iin a warrior, who Is chiefly occupied In killing women aud children, burning hollies and torturing captive. FTM the day when they fought Hie Pilgrim I at In-rs, aud then the aeltlem of tbe Ohio Valley, and later Mtill the end MMM crossing the plains, nine tenth of ull that ha ap nred lu print nhsMit Indian ha treated Ml fnuu this p. mi of view; aid the newspaper whb h now constitute so great n ar I ..ii of Hie rending matter of the Amer ican public, seldom print anything ul. ut Hie Indians except In connection w ith massacres und uprising. The ef fect of all thl literature ou the spu Inr catlmntlou lu wh eh tbe ind.uu M held has MM very great The pffpoHf Impression nre entirely erroneous Tbi I (id In ii wn a llghler, yet w U was only hu Incident of his life. I.Ike any other human M-lug be I many sided, and lie did Mi ulwuys wear bis wur paint. If be bus a repulsive na poet, there are other side uf his char acter, und some of l hem pleasing. If from one poiOl of view he may appear to the civilized man ferocious and hate ful, from another be seem kindly aud helpful. The soldier MM Ihe Indian from one ilnt of view only, Hie mis siotinry from luiolln-r, Ihe traveler from a third, tin- ugeiit from n fourth. K.ich of these M Imp! I by some salient feature of his character, yet each see that one only or chlelly und (he linage showu la bnparfeCt, III proMiitloued uml mlah adlng. Atlantic. II ii in lil I ly on lb - tVatinah. "Talking ibMl rainy weather." said the Westerner, "I remember once out in IndiaMpolla MOtlOg n farmer who took the most cheerful view of damp ness of anybody I ever MW I asked him If they had much rulii dow n ou tbe Wubnsb Hint spring. " 'Well, It has Men a Utile damp.' be answered. The day M-fore I left home I hud to hang up twenty four of my duck. They had got so wuler soaked that they couldn't swim any longer. I planted my corn In two fOOl of wafer, and 1 don't expect over thirty bushels to the acre. My wheal I looking pret ty well, but the sturgeon nml MtflM have damaged ll considerable. There wasalsitit fifteen minutes' sunshine one day. nml I thought I would plant my potatoea, so 1 iMdad them ou a scow and inc bored the scow lu three feet of water, w lieu It M'gun to ruin ngaln. " 'I wanted lo go down ou Ihe bottom land next to the Wabash lo see If the gru was grow lug for my liny crop, but my wife wild Hint it we didn't have guy diving M-ll she'd rather I wouldn't I should feel kind of dlscourngiil with nil nil u, hill I've spent my mid hours of leisure time nml the even ones, loo, on account of staying lu out of die wet building u au ark. If It will only ruin another week or two until 1 gel ber ready to sail I'm going to take my fam ily out to MIssourT by wuler for a trip to visit our folk Hint moved off out there bOCattM they didn't know enough lo slay In n place where they were com fortuble.' " BMtM L'vculug Tran script. What Two Bullet Old. On tbe cot DMldo that of L'dwnrd lay a rough rider, W'nller S. Itecbc, un oilier fever victim uml twice wound til, a cut Ihrougli the n tin ou July 1, nml a revolver bullet In the left leg on July -2. "It' only n couple of weeks," said BOObO) "since they got thai bullet out of me. They located It at last wlih the X ray. Here It I. See! It's my opln Ion thai bullet came from one of our own six shooter. It was all foolish liess, the recklcs wny Ihe boys shot oil their revolvers lu the charge. "To show you the queer thing some of (hose bullets did I'll tell you a thing I saw III the Las Gtiusluiu light. There was u mail m ar me as we went along who stopHl to break off a slick lu the shrub. I gues he wanted to make a ramrod Of It. If be hadn't stopped he might never have Mvn killed, but Just as he had broken the stick and was lariating the lust hben apart a Mauser bullet went straight through his head nml he dropped lo his knees. HI hands still clutched the bra neb he wa break- I ing. and, n he knelt there, another I bullet came and cut Ihrougli the hrok- ! M WOOd, so that be held his ramrod free. He had got w lint he stopped for. - Leslie's Wccklv. Ye." In- answered, pleaaiii ai im luislnossllke way he look bold of Ihe proMililon. How much? l ive huhdn-d dollar." BM looked blm over critically. I'.... low." she said at last. "You'll . . A- AAA - ...tl havre to gM It raised lo .i,uuu or you u lose." And nl I hat. n she afterward ex plained, she was giving nun a uurgain lay price. Chicago POM. I xccnnlve POllM000i Customer I haven't any change with me this morning; will you trust DM foi a sislnge stump until to-luorrowV In ug clerk Certainly, Mr. jone. Customer Hut aupiiose 1 should get killed, or " Drag ch-rk Pray don't apeak of It, Mr. Jones. The loss would be but a trifle. Tbe Artist's Model. Josc- -Judy. A Detrimental Craze. "Tbe doctor says that Aunt phine has a Ihernioineter-coiigh." "Thermometer cough? Wllut's thai?" "Why. the kind of cough women get by chasing out on a cold plfllM, every hour or so, to see how the thermometer lands."- Pui k. The A , 1 in ii t. "What appears to M- the inntter with jour father 7" Inquired the doctor, us ho hastily put Ills clothes on. "He's got the plumbago." replied the Miy. "1 think thui's hut maw says It is." "l'alu in the small of the back, I pre eume," said the doctor. "No, sir, he hain't got no small nf the back. My paw weighs SSI pounds." Chit ago Post Tbe Heault. "He though) his play s would elevate the singe." "And they merely depress the public."- Syracuse Star. He ird ill Oie Kitchen. "The leu keltic seems to be quite a singer." said Hie nutmeg grater. "It U'lils me, my voice Is so rough." "Me, too," replied the rolling pin; "I enn't gel beyond dough."-New York Lvciilng Sun. Poetical suit. "Charlie's girl seems to be somewhat kittenish." "Well, you know, he always was a great fellow for courting the mews." Puck. Al-h.ift that MMaed the Mark. Mrs Merchant (llyly) Mr. Smart, of Smart A Howell, has bought his wife a diamond necklace. Mr. Merchant What do you suppose his customers will think of hla preten sions to low prices uow? Jeweler's Weekly. Ills Knoraaoa Circumference. "It appears that the nearest (ien. Bhafter could get to the from was u lilnt three miles away." "Jericho: 1 didn't think he waa ns fat as that:"--Cleveland Plain Dealer, I a linn belle rer in her buauand'i tab l cuts nu, unlimited ability, lu no sense a woman of fashion. Mrs. BjOOMTOli dresses limply, always In poCfOCl taste She wears a lew Jewels, ami these re inarknbly handsome one. There tire l little BoooOTOilO the eldest a daughter by Mr PooMTtlt'l llrst wife, who was formerly Miss Alice Lee. of BoOtM Mrs Hooscvclt's existence le OMOted to hatband and children. What ever she M b. v. Is nmilrvil of Oot eruor ' w It - iha j,, nd do welL l ii-i I i er u lo re j One of the mosl original music room j In the countrv I In Yonker. New York. I The sipi.ir hull M opeu lo the rvmf; he I hind the staircase I the key Mvn rd of an ' organ, the plpei of which are CMCMl til In nuiis all over Ihe hono. so that IWMM the organ Is prayed Caere la In dus I mnvlc lu the air. The ATrli siv's Kiitlursiice. Two cases notably llluslrullvc of the African native power of endurance are reported from the Hiltlsh Central Africa Protectorate. In each Instance l man wm dragged from hi canoe by a crocodile, and had ull arm bitten at. moot to a pulp. The men had to boj taken long distances overland. Ou reaching .omhu each had the Injured limb amputated ami ifukkly recorered, Hr. iKuigla Cray, acting ,-hlef nedlcaJ MMM there, remark further In his re port ltHiu the grOWiOg loulldemv of the uullve lu the Kuman unMlvMe. l!cirts of cures more i iffiielgsG In re lation lo surgery spread among ine unlives, ami the one old cure a HMt band tied round a limb nts.ve Hie scat of disease Is, he say, fast losing Its ttputatlon.-lAiudon hew. UnaophUtlcatatla "Say, mammyl "Conic cn. chile play Wit yo' lltth Boy me dal':" ! Cotne ou home un' brother." Deadly Weapon. Bportr- How did too prisoner pro cure the ni.au of pommtttjng suicide? Warder A bride gave him mm of h. rapidly llrst mince pie and he cut his throat wiin i ne Croat, New ork World. Too Much. girl give you RIOOMtcHf (he CheQU at. It U VxtfMMi tht to ruu street can by bor power MM 1U ceui a mllej by MMhj Id CMta, anil by cUi-irlclty but 10 ceul. Sixty per ceut of the whole la Ue cost of driver and couduo tor. Widow, in the Treasury Depart ni. nt Lots ,.f the Irvaaury girls at Wasb Itgton are widow. Hundreds of tbeiu r old tuald. and several thousand are wect marriageable girl. Wltk pretty tan, giil MMM ami a high grade of culture and education. Many of them hud governor and geueral for fath er, uot a few are the widow of noted oldlera aud (talesmen and all are fat .ii.. r nit- aveiage or tlielr Ml the l ul i-to.l - . ... ..our girt give you the glrrd MMM "Yes. and a inltteu with lt"-Mfe. It Dor. ImmI Do you thluk the ue of jlang D a young W0BMJI could ever lead to profanity? Abel It might ou the part f the man alio heard uer.-IudlaoapolU Journal. Stated with DrccMlon. "I upp.to," sah) the aduilrlnr fn, that you gave a great deal of thought ted State over. Many have trr..l I "'' ,,Ik , n,t ou Just WMl" widely. 'uij "No," answered the lawyer; "I Mtar nSVt u Kit .. . I. u. , t n-- - " . vi iuoukui lo It black eye Indicate. . revengeful reflecilvely, -q on the part of th other feUow. 'aahlngton Star. never But," he a lot." - Fickle Man. CboUjr See that MM DMblngtM over there? Young Kllklus us., i l.-aii out of hla mlml about ber. Holly Ami now? Cholly -And now ihe' clean out of his inlud.-Saii Francisco Kxiiuu.i. r. KommceT. Keullty. "It I my luteuiloii," said a Qewfcj marrliil man, "to have our pktarai takeu with ruy wife' hand on n,. shoulder. "And I," responded another man ,,( more experience, "am thinking of i,,1T Ing ours taken with my wife' hand ua my pookctMsA." Those II or p 1,1 Tubmen. "What are you putting that bag over the horse's head for?" "I don't want him to ape what be' pulling for IL" NOW York World. About the - Im of It. Bachelor I wonder what Induce) men to marry? Benedict Why, the women course. a) Those I.ovlnir Olrl. Miss AntiquM This Is a Mirlinlt of my grenl-gruiidmolher by one of ihe old musters. Miss Cuuallc indeed. And tin- next one? MMs Antlqunte The next one I , portrait of myself at the age of 7. Mum Caustic- Also by one of tin- old masters, I presume. FnmethliiK I'nnanal. She Have you noticed that Mr. Shortleigh Is paying a good deal uf at tention lo Miss Cb verion? He - Yea. and It'a the llrst time I (TOl knew him to pay anything. Positively Insultlnc. "I know the pumpkin pie wai rather thin as to tilling," aald the taMUady, almost crying, "hut I don't think lie had any right to say what he did." "What did he say?" usked tMtWOOd table boarder, "He asked me If I didn't think that the pic crust would he Improved If It hud another coat of paint" Waah Ing ton Star. Speaking of Hone. The Doer Yts. death stared M in the fuce, nmj I thought of all I'd dime. The Done - Noble fellow, lo think of your friends at such a critical momontl Chicago Poet. Waa Heady for It. rastor Have you seriously conild1 ered the great question of life, Marv V tlirl Parishioner None of the young men has asked me yet, sir. New up bans Times .Democrat Dinner fur Two. i. nn :'Mt-'k, : n rMaWM rwmMP ggggam ga Ml Miss Dinah -Mrs. Parlor, the sre.it cooking expert, says one can get a splendid dinner for : cents. Jack (who has Just blown lu a vveck'i salary)- There are others! Pleasant, Newly Engaged Bio (to bosom friend) Y'oii don't seem n bit curious aMntt my engagement to Frank. DonM you WaUl to know how he proposed' Boaom Friend No; I know bow In propoeee. World'. Comic. Scorn. "The Smithy bicycle Is unqueatk ably the M'St." "Faugh: Why. I keep a Bnilthy pretaly to lend to my friend." l letn it Journal. Fusny. "Mrs. Bluks seems like a very fussy woman." "Fussy? Say, If she built B BOOH she'd Insist upon ha Ting nil the Daut mauicurcd." Cleveland Plain Deah An t'nhappy III istration. Tommy What's nn heirloom. auntM His Old Maid Annt Oh, that's s Jew el or something that's boou lu the fM Uy years nml years. Tommy-Auntie, Is your engagenM" ring an heirloom?-Jeweler's Weekly. Ovrerwheliiilnff Dance Faroe. A ( onnpi tlcut young man bad n faWl conferred upon hlin at n cotillon ttrt other ulght that nearly paralysed" lilf When the moment came for a faTOf f lie given him his hostess stepped h'r ward nnd presented him w ith the girl of his choice. "Take and keep l"'r she gnld. "she Is yours:" "II alive!" gnsied the happy lover 1- IM trueY" And then this "only girl, answer to a certain fjueatlou aaked a mouth ngo, straight' on the Hp of her toes, and. In view the assembled company, pn M dainty kiss on his mouth. decUrlagl "Yes, It Is true." Then everybody pmgMtulnied t' Ialr, and the dance went ou with rush-Boston Hcrnhl. Urina on Chocolaie. An ti.terestiug test has Juil tvB made by a French woman. Wn! to test.og the sustaining power fj chwolate, she llvetl on thai sloM W sixty days, and lost but fifteen suw In the InterrnL Her Idea. u. Ile-Oh. yet. I can ou't SoklM arettee whenever I want to She-Why don't you consult a pi. clan and ss If he can't give yeu "W thing to make you want to)