lt
Bo
r
I
MAJOR "RCIMSECJ.
' I -
, , lie prouu .
TTV widow of tbe late Captain
Mnl.worth. of the tl
oroDr'etrwa of tba Bsmeralds
8"L , during which she bail
"""JL msnsged '' eutabllsbnieni
r fc-sbr.
je.Trougbt lew young people
frt,fuly, riti. ona Mother tyai
5STSl to t.iifb.
wJ xi r. Ualiwortb was a bom
have ar tBana
"".f U. north was one of those rare
i aim can sink their own di
Tf':f I wa.lr-l.ve lOtWj tlCt
0 bmaraloa tod prospered, nn.i
Ibit iae tm
.JSTUST who Johed nud
wUb SfibofflaDdtba
STCblng "-ore tbau mere
a,u" . kleb would not reappear
it, Irs. MlWorlb aud bur two
Jkn w rowing djo. Tto
JSSwi rapidly frowlni to a i close,
. .. v.. no two J""" People bad
Sl"uVe.l .0 each other. To to
Z. ibm bad been one or two mild
rVMiou.vvi.ioi, had exdted eonsldsr
TispKtatlon, but the; had Ml "da
NMar ami tad expired before the
urildpaaii left Beahrtaa
-llrre's Hcr r""" a MnJor n""'
, ni) deara," said the widow om
JrVlsr, "He want to con.o next
Vooday with his son and daughter to
giy-ahy, be doeen'l say bow lou,. to
eiaiajrl"
"vuo ii bar Inquired the eXler of
tt Ulaava alallwortb, a prim young
UJj of 23. wboM living Intercat wus
KDtnd an.i clrcumferenced In tbe cut
ling down of uponaea at tbe Bamer
alO. Tbe widow passed tbe letter to ber.
"lie writes from Sborebam, you see,
mJ (bat In very select. We shnll bave
to put blin ami tbe aon In the aecoud
Joor front aud bis girl lu the room oppo
lite ours."
Tbeyoungernaugbter nodded approv
al. Sue was a pretty girl, who had all
btr niotln-r'saiiiiahlllly aud tenderness.
mlie.1 altk ber father's soldierly pride.
Major Uuiusey duly arrived with bis
loo and daughter. He was a middle
aged jeiirlenian wboae hnlr was geuer
ounly sprluklrd with gray, labeled mili
tary from bead lo foot, and possessed
of i bluff, beany voice that lusluutly
who ibe widow's heart.
"I ilways feel thoroughly at home
with army gentlemen," she confessed
to aim ere he had bean In the bouse half
I down boms. "You see, I'm a soldier's
daughter and married a man who car
ried l rommlsslou.
"lladain," replied the Major, "you
surprise and honor mo."
"Yesjuy poor husband. Captain Malt
worth, of the tb Cavalry "
"What!" roared the Major, springing
fmui his chair. "Your husband old
Bob Mullworth of the tb?"
"The same, sir."
"My dear Mrs. Mnltwortb, this Is In
ded a pleasure. 1 mid old Bob er
Captalu Mallworth. were mates togeth
er before Have you never heard him
peak of bis old friend Uuiusey?
"Bleu my soul, my dear lady," con
tinued tbe excited Major, walking to
the window, "Fane coming across the
widow of my old frleud. The world Is,
after all. quite a little place; now, Isn't
ur
The opening of the door and the en
trance of Maliel caused hliu tu turu
round.
"Mabel, my dear, this Is Major Itum-f-and-aud
be la au old frleud of
four poor papa's."
Tbe Major bowed to tbe fair young
tlrl before him, while she blushed aud
murmured, "How d'y' do" In eo pretty
manner that the Major was on the ba
bul charmed and captivated.
iUt evening there was a merry par
ty la tbe wldow'l little drawlug-rootn,
which excited considerable curiosity
ifflong the other boarders. There was
much laughter aud Just a few tears ou
"part of the hostess, and that ulght
Jdj Harold Itumsey dreamed of a
Niuhlug blue eyed girl who bad called
to "Mr. Ruinsey" no end of times, nl
toougb be would have given anything
o have l.,.,.ti called Harold.
The visit of Major Itumsey, Mr. Har
old Itumsey and Miss Plenuor Uuiusey
'" quote tbe Seabreete News) was da
fdly time 0f utuiunlllled enjoy-pot-
The happlneu Of the three suf
'i through the whole of the Esmer
wa Hotel, and the proprietress was
,!lr J ""arb that never lu all her
UnK?' 'hla period, The visit
''-d from a fortnight to three
kai.S 10 I""th. and still the
T ""thing of leaving.
SoL T V htW Sood to see these
ml ; pconh tt,mt g0 happily." said
SL jfth' MtoS ma feel
Th xt VS" ' C0llfy"
Bent' V''r M "'""'Hug at tbe ense-
. tooklni away ovar tbe aea. Out-
ed f, ,'r".""'"a,K' ,V,,A nlmoal deter
rortocday, were growing cold and
V,u", end of the, bin line
cliff i !JS 11 WO t off by the
on, i ,,ed out- Ut C0"'1 ee a
U l:"1 " OH" Her hand
croon i'l'r W?tcbed be saw ber head
"""-tower.
A ''Wrth." he said, scarcely
tW SH'r' "co""' here. You see
two young poo,,,,, awa tbl,ry?
W Ur SMng tofPhJ."
cZn r !'"'' wtehad the two, who,
4 er tbat tll Were 0,,9l'rv-
ttZ , R 0DP ""other the sweet
',or Id the world.
. , 'Wwasthetliat to speak.
W.k.r nouM co,no" the
Ht , bj.'" lh0 'blrt ntb year with-
bJlT S0"1 1?' thundered the
"llrti,."11 mean ,0 h me 1 bat
,! f"r ,h,rtwn reari "
om."UTyr' ,n""upted the lit
lethl.,u . ""'n bl' Plained.
PM ned o well, that her listener
" entaniaMic i.p...i
'thi.l chareterlstle military
lttt be could h.-.. .. :
. 'C V.Mj UU Wl
v. ueur; atie cried lu dismay. "It
mustn't Be, 1 was forgettlni It's the
13th, aud that would be unlucky. It
was on tbe 13tb that my poor Hole
ert "
"Nonsense, my dear madam," growl
ed her liatener. "flureJjr you don't b
II. ve in Hint old woman's tal. :"
"Hut Robert on the 18th "
" Uobert." tbe Major thundered,
ami Immediately ipolojclaed, "i r,,r..t
myself. What I wanle.l to say Is this:
Why should we rjsk the happiness of
our boy and girl?"
"Why, Indeed?" murmured the lady.
"Suppose, for Instance, two other peo
ple fouud they could Join forces with
advantage and advance on ll nemy's
Hue better together than singly. Sup
pose, I say-Mrs. Maltworth- BtleiH
wbat do you say to inking me?" and
here the Major Hopped down on his
knees lu most uninllllury Itjla "an
an old half pay offlctr without a friend
In tbe world. Now, what shall we say?"
And like tbe soldier's daughter and
4- Jk
I ' P
I
'TOU b't'lirniSK AND HONOR MR," SAID
Til MAJOIi.
the soldier's widow that she was, the
blushing proprietress of the Ksmeralda
answered "Y'es" with precision.
This Is how It Is that the Ksmernlda
Is "under entirely new management,"
and the young people who congregate
there In the summer speak regretfully
of the old days the days tbat are no
more. Buffalo News.
OFFICER WORSTED FOR ONCE.
,u;f als lad.
I wMow atarted up.
hnhaaj
rullcemon Fulled to Arret Two
Drunken Men and a l it Hog.
Ever since be Joined Uie force Police
man Andy Murray has made a special
ty of the arrest of "drunks," a line of
duty for which be seems to be peculiar
ly (ltlcd. and In the exercise of which
be takes great delight. It was because
of his reputatlou for alwayslandlng his
man at the nearest patrol box unassist
ed that be undertook to arrest two In
toxicated ludlvlduals single-handed on
Monday night, aud thereby came to
grief. Andy was standing at L"Jd and
Diamond streets shortly after dark
when he saw an oddly assorted pair
leaning up against tbe gate of the Odd
Kellows' cemetery, both evidently un
der the Influence of liquor. One was a
man attired In full dress, wearing a
high silk hat, who was holding a big
Newfoundland dog by a chain. The
other was a bicyclist, who was appar
ently too far gone to ride, but who still
held on to bis wheel.
I'ntrolman Murray grabbed each by
the shoulder and started for the patrol
box. but the prisoners wanted to argue.
Tbe trio, came to a halt; the dog ran
around them a couple of times, winding
up the chain, and then suddenly, espy
ing a cnt, made a wild dash for the oth
er aide of the street. Tbe unsteady
prisoners fell over like tenpins, drag
ging their captor with them. In his
full Murray Jammed one foot through
the spokes of the bicycle's front wheal
and, unable to extricate himself, be lay
at the bottom of the heap until a broth
er omVor came to his assistance. Ho
now acknowledges that he bit ofT more
than he could "chew." Philadelphia
Itecord.
The Wealthiest IieuKari.
The wealthiest known living profes
sional beggar, Simon Oppaslch, an
Austrian, was bom without feet or
bauds, and sympathy for his Inllrml
t!es brought him a large fortune In the
shape of alms. In l.HNt, when he was
47 years old. he had saved tTJ.OOO, and
In 1888 he bad Increased bl-s fortune by
speculation to f.2o,000 In cash nn.l about
40.000 In Trieste and Parenao estates.
Since then he has quadrupled his
wealth by speculation on the bourse.
When Tori, a well-known Italian beg
gar, died last year, bank books, securi
ties, gold and silver, and other articles,
to the value of upward of 80,000, were
found In his rooms. Ills heirs were
two nephews, who had been existing
In a state of miserable poverty for
years.
A beggar who died In Auxerre,
Prance, lu 1803, was found to bave
bonds to the value of 1,000.000 francs
In an old trunk and 4KJ bottles of wine
of the rlntago of itihj.
The French seem to to a generous
nation, for In the same year an old
woman, who lived lu a wretched garret
In the Hue de Sevres, Paris, died, leav
lug Government securities representing
an annual Income of 210, all made by
begglug.
A beggar named Quttaee Slarcelln,
of Avignon, died In November, 1803,
and left 20,000 In French Government
bonds, to be divided equally between
the city and the Bureau de Blenfabv
ance. the great French charily society,
Loudon Mall.
A Serious Matter.
Truant scholars do not abound In
Switzerland. If a child does not nttend
school on a particular day, tbe parent
gets a notice from tbe public authority
tbat he Is fined o many rrnncs; me
secous) day tbe tine Is Increased; ami
by the third day tbe amount becomes a
serious one. In case or sickiicss, toe
pupil la excused, but. If there be any
suspicion of shamming, a doctor Is sent
If tbe suspicion proves to be well found
ed, tbe pnrcut Is required to pay the
cost of the doctor's visit.
At a million Thanksgiving dinner ta
bles a million housekeepers aald when
the guests got arouud to pie: "I expect
that pie la scorched a Utile On the hot
ROMAN WEALTH AND WASTE.
Nafta Mteoreod tn xvilic .,i u kiu,
or Dinner for Mark Antony.
"The pearl Wbleb .'1 ,,trn drank t
Antony! health was valued at u.ariy !
four hundred thousand dollars. BO at
ate mouthful she dumoeed of a much
aa toe cost of Caligula supper, i sup
pose that was the most valuable pearl
we have any knowledge of; though
Julius Caesar owned one worth two
hundred and BftJ thousand dollars.
Which be gave to ibe mother of llruius
the same llruius who afterwards
helied to kill Caesar. Pearls seemed
lo bave held out particular temptations
to people who tool pleasure lu waste
ful follies, perhaps because no other
Jewel could be so easily swallowed.
"Cleopatra's prank was not tbe llrst
of Its kind. Tin- same absurdity bad
been committed by a silly fellow In
Home named Aesop not your favorite
fable teller, for he lived centuries ear
lier, and was a very wise man. The
BflOnnn Aesop was the son of a rich nc
tor, and. Just to make himself talked
about, be iook a pearl from the ear
drop of Cecilia, the wife of the tyrant
Hylln, and, ncordlng to writers of that
age, drank It lu vinegar. I believe tbat
the possibility of dissolving this kind
of gem Is disputed by many I. in
authorities, but tbe ancients appear to
have bad no doubt on the subject, for
the Instances recorded by them were
numerous, and were attested by men
of seleiitlllc standing. A Japanese nat
uralist, who has studied pearls minute
ly, states that be has fouud them of
UCb various quality and structure that
the existence of specimens which might
be melted does not seem to him Incon
ceivable. Hut whether Aesop liquefied
his pearl or not, the performance cer
tainly cost hint a sum equivalent to
forty thousand dollars-qulte enough,
though nothing lu comparison with
what Cleopatra squandered. Hers was
the wildest piece of extr. vagauce that
I can recall. ,
"It was the fashion to be extrava
gant then. Mark Antony was not far
behind the Kgyptlnn queen lu that re
spect, though his fancy was not for
beverages flavored by trinkets. Sub
stantial food wus more In his Hue. A
visitor who once went Into the kitchen
of his palace In Alexandria saw eight
wild iKiars roasting at the same time,
ami thought there tn list be an Immense
number of guests expected; but the
cook told him only twelve persons
would dine tbat day, nnd the reusou of
the extensive preparation was that no
one could say exactly when Antony
would go to the table. Hut whenever
be gave the slgnnl the meat must he
just lu proper condition at that mo
ment. So it was the rule to get ready n
series of dinners, overlapping one nn
other. you might say, at Intervals of
fifteen or twenty minutes. Only one
could be eaten, nnd the rest were wast
ed; but the waste did uot matter. An
tony was never kept waiting, and that
In his opinion, was the thing to be con
sidered." St. Nicholas.
The largest known moth Is the giant
atlas, a native of China, the wings of
which measure nine luclics ucross.
The falling of a leaf Is brought nbout
by the formation of a thlu layer of veg
etable tissue at the point where the leaf
stem Joins the branch of the tree. After
the leaf ceases to make starch and su
gar for the tree the tissue begins to
grow, and actually cuts the leaf. The
falling of ripe fruit Is dependent upon
the same process.
Many lusects can fly faster than
birds. The common house tly can ordi
narily fly twenty-five feet a s. ntt
Hut when It Is alarmed it has been
found that It can Increase Its rate of
speed over 100 feet per second.
Students of bird lore nnd the many
friends of the feathered tribe are con
cerned because enormous numbers of
sea gulls are being driven from their
homes along tbe coasts. It Is said tbat
tin- work of the Government in prepar
ing coast defenses has almost destroyed
tin- homes of the sea gulls.
The giraffe has such powers of mim
icry that, although Its size might to
supposed to make It a conspicuous ob
ject to Its enemies, the most practiced
eye has Ik'cii deceived by the animal's
resemblance to one of the dead nnd
blasted tree trunks which abound In Its
haunts. Lions have been known to
gar.e long and earnestly at a motionless
giraffe, and. being unable to decide that
It was not a tree, turn and skulk away.
l in nm g Man's Wattes.
The fact that others shirk Is a poor
reason for neglect to earn one's wages.
The Young People's Weekly prints tbe
following anecdote about a boy who
was an honest worker:
One day, after a severe storm, a large
number of meu aud boys were out on
the roads of a country town to shovel
out the drifts. Kaeh workman was
paid a quarter of n dollar an hour, and,
as mny be supposed, there was no very
strict watch kelit upon them; but one
little fellow seemed to be working with
all his might, and bis comrades laughed
at him.
"Why, Jim. are you after the Job of
highway surveyor, or do you expect to
get more thnn the rest of us for putting
In so?"
Let's put him out; he Is shortening
our Job; 't won't Inst till ulght, at this
rate," laughed another.
"I am getting man's pay for the first
time In my life, and I mean to earn It,"
said Jim. "I don't suppose the town
cares, nor tbat I shall get nny more
money at ulght; but I shall feel a big
sight better myself."
"You've begun right. Jim." said the
surveyor, who was not very strict lu tie
half of the town, but bad a business of
bis own, where he appreciated work
men with a conscience.
The New Curative Method.
The doctors, In dealing with the body,
are coming to the conclusion that the
great remedy for disease is tue nour
ishment of Ufa, They still sometimes
attack disease directly, as when they
uiaecrlhe nn antidote for a pot
They sometimes save life by lesseulng
life, as when they amputate a diseased
limb and the cripple lives, though al
ways a cripple. But for the most part
hygiene Is taking the pliCO ef d-n.'s
Nature Is nursed and eared for. and
drugs are used, If at all, only to
Strengthen Nature and add to her ro. ii
pern live power, Formerly, for tMQ
pie, tbe coaaumptire eras shut up in a
warm room, kept away from draughis.
guarded against the cold, and often, If
Uot ordinarily, IntuthYlciitly nourished
either ou gruels by the doctor! COUII
-.-I. or on InoafltaiOOl food for want of
sufficient appetite. Now (he eon.innp
live goes to tbe Adirondack, wraps up
lu furs, alls upon tbe porch In all
weathers with the thermometer al
aero, iai.es p root rl hod eserciee, ileope.
roeta and .'ins heartily. No attempt I
made by drugs directly to attack the
bin llll which nre eating away the pa
tient's life. The doctor simply attempts
to nourish Nature and make Iter strong,
ami Nature herself, as the mlcroocopc
domouatratoe, surrounds the l.a.illl
with tissues of her own producing, I in
prisons them In solitary cells, and so
makes the mini "Immune" from the en
nay which assails his Ufa, The Outlook.
WHAT THE LAW DECIDES
A line fence maliciously erected so
high as lo cut off the light and air from
tbe windows of tl neighbor's bOUM Is
held. Ill Letts vs. Kes-ler ili.i. 40 L it.
A. 177, to be within the exercise of a
legal right. A note to the case presents
tbe authorities ou the liability for ma
licious erection of a fence.
A dollar bill, from the upper left baud
corner of which a piece an Inch and a
half by an Inch and n quarter has been
torn. Is held, lu North Hudson OoUUty
Unilroad Company vs. Anderson iN. J.i,
40 L .It. A. tlo. to l.c t uncb muti
lated to constitute a legal tender for
car fare.
An employer who took an Injured em
ploye to a boepltal and agreed to pay
for his treatment is held, in It Ba ma
nna Hospital vs. Minneapolis Interna
tional Electric Company (Minn.), 40 L
It. A. 3HS. to have had uo right to cancel
his engagement for the care of the ser
vant until the latter could be removed
without serious danger to life or health.
Petroleum oil aud natural gas are
held. In Heller vs. Holland (O.I, 40 L
It. A, 2(M1, not to be conveyed by a con
veyance of all the coal of every variety
"and all the Iron ore, Are day and other
valuable minerals," with the right to
use the surface of Ibe land as may be
lattery for shafts, railroads, etc.. to
facilitate the mining ami removal of
the coal and other minerals.
GUM CHEWING.
The Story of Home. Sweet Itnme.
A new story Is now told of the llrst
time "Home, Sweet llouic," was sung
In public. When the government at
tempted to bar Iae the contending
factions In Ibe dlspule on the UeorgbV
Tennessee boundary line, by establish
ing a trading pool there, John Howard
Payne was accused of Inciting (lie db
lalistled Indians and half breeds, nnd
.vils arrested and can led to the couu
ll house.
An Indian, who committed suicide on
be grave of his wife and child, was
Hurled III tbe presence of a number of
moil, among whom was Payne. As the
Ixxly of the Indian was lowered Into
the grave, Payne bummed to himself
the song that has become so famous.
General Blahop called the young man
to him aud said sternly:
"Where did you learn that song?"
"I wrote It myself," OUBWered Payne,
"Where did you gel the tune?"
"I composed that nlso."
"Will you give me a copy of it?"
"Certainly."
"Well." said the old Indian tighter,
"appearances .nay be agalnsl you, but
a man. who can write a song like that
Is no Incendiary, and I am going to sjel
you free."
Pay ne had Itoen living In the house
of n neighboring family, and on his
return he related the circumstances,
ami showed the pr.ss that General
Blabop bad given him. Thai was the
first time that "Home, Sweet dome,"
was ever beard In public Saturday
Evening Post.
An OONtn Trolley Line.
An ocean trolley line, which reaches
nearly a quarter of a mile over the sea,
conveying either passengers or mer
chandise, Is one of the curious sights to
be seen at Hear llurlsir, on the Paellle
coast, not far from San Francisco,
While the ostensible object of Mils
strange trolley Is the carrying of linn
ber from the rocky highland aboard tbe
big schooners which form Ihoocean ter
minus of the line, dozens of lumbermen
ride III a basket attached to the sus
pended cable on a wheel.
Of course, there Is no electricity Uted
III connection with this novel trolley.
The power of gravity does mosl of the
bard work. The lumber schooners come
from the Mendocino County ports. I'n
III a year ago they were loaded by the
slow process of lighters plying to nnd
from the wharves. By the new trolley
system lumber In any quantity can in
curried from any Island point over n
long and high railroad bridge to a sort
of cage, where the wooden cargoes are
Stacked, and thence to the deck of each
ship. Tbe trolley line Is thrown from
the lumber cage to the i ' -seis by means
of a rope shot from a mortar. New
York Evening Journal.
Drive Asa; Hail Clouds.
Tbe Austrian Minister of Agriculture
has sanctioned nn appropriation for es
tabllablog, at a cost of 2,000 florins
llilrtv-tliree stall. ma at which the
army Is to supply g""s and ammuni
tion for driving away hall clouds. It Is
considered proved that the concussion
and the clouds of smoke rising Into the
air affect tbe atmospheric state of hu
midity. Who Hunts Ibe Most Coal?
The consumption of coal per bend of
i.ol.n i.n ion is lowest in Austria, where
It IB only one-sixth ton per annum, nnd
highest In Croat Mrltaln, where each
person averages three and three tenths
tons each year. In the D Sited Stat. s
the average is two and one fourth tons
a year. ,
Wby Bed Hrliates a BetfL
U.-d Irritates oxeu ln . ause It Is tin
n.M.i.l.oneiitnrv col-.r to green, and the
eyes of the cattle Is-lng fixed so much
00 herbage, anything red Impresses
their sight with Increased Intensity.
I.st lr Hlr l Mny lie it I'oxt.
Lady birds are Is lng Imported Inn
P.gypt from New South Wales In ord. t
to protect fruit from parasitic Insects
They may prove as had a curse ua the
sparrowa.
HUMOR OF THE WEEK
a H..-.I..O Traveler Wba vt'ii Oe
Horns aod T'ii Abonl it.
S. Hanfblnm, : years of age. blonde
gray, whiskered, volatile, and all the
way from si. Petersburg. Kneels i at
the Brown Palace Hotel. To the sur
prise of a caller, who bad never seen
the g, nil. man In-fore, Mr. Haufbluiu
turned, and. with an expression of
delight upon his face, exclaimed:
".xch. my frleud! I am llll wis fire
light. You are xe xlicuilc mail from M.-l
boom rich I meet ou 10 high uioillllalu.
xe peak of tat y.ni call heem? Ah!
Pike, ze peafe 01 PlkO, l-'el ees wis IS
greatest pleOSlf I see yon."
when gently told ibsl to was mtstak-
en be could hardly believe It.
"p.os cct pooseeb? Veil, eel ees re
markabla xe rayaambianco,"
His accent ami vernacular were pe
culiar. Sometimes he talked like a
German, sometimes like a frenchman.
Ills manner was wholly Preach.
"Yes, snlr," said he in answer to a
question. "I am a resident of St. Pee
t rshayrg. I tvas born In Warsaw. I'o
laud, but 1 leev lu It rUSStO lairty
yalrce. illy name ees Jalrmaii. but I
am not. Pet ees only xe name vlcb ees
Jalrman. Heed you notOOCO xal name?
rjanf. you see, meoncs hemp, ami blunt
ees ttower; zat ees allogaylluilr, hemp
flower, .at ees preely, ees eet not?"
It was. and his visitor admitted It.
"I haf been lu America some VCefea,
ami haf not. ...ii many t'lnga to pieces
me and some rich do not. Now, r.il
sccuguhir ciMlOOffl of eating gom. .at
ees ze most remarkable, pel ees not
falar me to OOndorStSnd. All ze time
ley bite, I. lie. bite, chewing all gom.
So many, too!" And Mr. llanfldum
held up both bands and arms like a pair
of eidantatlon points.
"tin ze car from Boofalo to Noeach
eera xalr wass a young I eddy seeling In
front of me ItlUg zls gom -wlsout stop,
sink of It! All ze lime! I ask: 'Vai
ees zls zat ze people all eating?' I res
told, i palrcbaaa some of ze leedle sur
an' put heem lu my mouse Pa ah! i
Ihpnl heem out. p.et ees like inedeeceii
nn.l vorse. And eet ees so ogly! I ren
der so much as zls uiees er able habeet,
and eet sconce to be ze hlhOSl dees
teenkteef, nayceanol sea sol zo?"
The Impeachment was admitted wllb
grief.
"And ees zalr no r ra.vme.lee. no cure
for zis-s ter-ralble sing? No? Bal sea
sad."- Denver Post
STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Oiiti, curion mot Laagkabto Pteaaea
.. Human Nuture OropklOOJlf POV"
trujr.l by Knilnrnl Word Artists of
Our Own I. . i Undue! of Kim.
Mrs. Amelia P. Itarr's latest novel h
called "1. Thou, and the Oilier."
ll Is said that George Moore has al
mosi Bnlabed a sequel to "Bvelyn In
ues." Dean Pnrrar is busily engaged upon
n new book, to Ik- entitled "The Life of
I.Ives; ortj Punher Studies In the Life
of Christ."
Anthony Hope has Just finished a
ni.M-i which is devoied lo a delicate
ami penetrating study of Dlaraell, It
Is a new development in the novellat'a
career and win be anticipated with
great Interest.
Professor It. Q, Monliou's inetlio.l of
presenting In modern literary form Ibe
several pans of the llihlc appears lo
good advantage In his "St. John," espe
cially lu indicating tbe dramatic move
ment in Hi.- book of Revelation,
Men Phlllpottaf new novel, "ObQ-
dren of the Mlat," is a story of r
Dartmoor, and extends over a period
of ten years. As III "Lying Prophets,"
Mr. Pblllpotts tried lo draw a faithful
picture of a girl, so In this I k. W0 are
told, be has attempted to depict a boy.
Contrary to the experience of most
translators, whose fate It Is lo reap Mill.-
of honor and less of pay for their
painstaking work, Jeremiah Curtln,
the translator of "Juo Va.lls," Is said
to bave realised $'-'.".( n Ml as bis share of
the unprecedented sales of Rlonkls
wlca'i masterpiece.
BJdmond Rostand, aotbor of "Cyrano
le Bergerac," has written to an Atnerl
an friend disclaiming the COOIemptU-
mis references lo ibe American nation
attributed tO him by some newspapers.
In point of fact he lias every reason to
feel amiably disposed toward Ameri
cans, as be is receiving large sums of
i icy all the time from the success of
the play and tbe book. The prose Irans
lotion by etlee Gertrude Hall pays blra
a royally on every copy sold, and the
publishers announce the thirteenth
thousand already. The success of
Mansibid's production, moreover, is
netting m. Boatand something like j iimi
a day.
Yankee Ingenuity lllil I.
Only a few years ago practically all
the canned p.-as consumed in tills coun
try were Imported from Prance, the
famous petll pols. At thai time It was
deemed Impossible to produce the re
quired quality lu Ibis country, consum
ers desiring Bra, even bright green,
goods, and though sulphate of COnpol
was used In securing ilial color It made
comparatively little difference wllb the
trade. American packers, however, ex
perimented With the object of produc
ing a pea the equal of the French arti
cle, and how well tle-y succeeded Is
now an old story. Starling with good
sets), nud under careful cultivation, the
American pen now equals (he Imported
product of Prance, and our packers
have built up an Industry wbleb has
become au Important fialure of Ibe
great canned goods trade of Ihe coun
try. TuS careful selection of seed has
resulted In n variety having all (he de
sirable qualities of tin- French product
and requiring tin- addition of no color
ing substances lo make them attrac
tive. American canned peas sinn. I on
their merits. Wisconsin and New York
are the leading pen packing Stales, al
though others are rapidly developing
ihe Industry,
Heal tltn Iri tis.
Tickets were sold to more people for
a circus at I-os Angeles than the tent
would bold. A i.. .in who had paid ft
for two seats which he could not get to
fSJOd not alone for the return of his
money, bet for ft paid out In carriage
hire, and he won a verdict for both)
with more to cover the costs of tbe
trial.
Kvery politician believes he Is good
dough for any office.
An OfajMt of Tumuli.
"it i money that makes a man Im
portanl."
"1 don't know; ll seems to me I'm of
more Importance whan i haven't any
money."
Arlstneraca of Dolldoaa,
"My doll can ihttl her eyes aud go to
sleep just lovely ."
"Hull! My doll never goes to sleep al
ail; kbe's got uuomular."
A Won Irrful WosMSh
"llobson doles on his mother In law."
"Just lo is- peculiar T"
"No; at Christmas she always tends
him something that his wife can't use."
Worfclng'Claas .
"Those new neighbors mUSl to very
ordinary people."
"Why?"
"Their cats catch mice."
hit,
ills roles was tonne with emotion.
And did she pity him?
All, yes! Qeneroua girl that she was,
she banded him au entire box of lozen
ges dial some distributer bnd left upon
ihe doorstep the day before.
llllluUt.llalll.il- 1'ronf.
"Why .1.. you think he Is a self ma. li
mn ii
"Because ha wears chin whiskers In
stead of mutton c1iohj."
Xlcrrltr u Krrler.
"No, I thank you. I prefer to stand."
The atonl woman who was standing
An i .- Ouesa.
Mr Itllinkus- Why do you think Mil
dred and young P. . kl.-lgh are engaged?
Mm Itllinkus After he went away
last night I lied paper burning In
the kitchen stove ami this morning I
found a piece ..f an envelope nddreased
lo her lu au. .liter's hand willing.
nojeoosoi .. ..
"Is he a successful man?"
"Yes, very. He has been mixed up
In three bank failures and succeeded In
keeping out of ihe penitentiary every
time."
I vl.lrntljr Failure.
s ngteton My eongratnlatlona, ohi
man; no more sewing on buttons now,
eh?"
We l.-rly No, hidoodl I wear a belt
now. It ke.ps me so busy supsirtlng
a wife that i haven't time to sew on
buttons.
Orttlnu nt Ibe Vucta.
Insurance Agenl Pardon uie, mail
am, bin w hat Is your age?
Miss AntlquatO- 1 have seen 22 sum
mers. Insurance Ag. nt Yi-s, of course; but
how many limes .11.1 you see l hem?
Feminine Itlplontnry.
HaUle Would you call Nell a
beauty?
Kil l Well, that depends.
Rattle I lepends ou what?
Plla Whether I was conversing with
her or some one else.
trailed to Coaelllate,
As tbe Conventional young man sat
talking with the conventional young
woman the conventional stem father
came In.
Tin- young man would fain be socia
ble and at ease.
" The open door " began he.
"The front door Is open at this min
ute," said the father. IndlaJiapoHs
Journal.
Ton XX'enk a ComnitrWoa,
At la(. after many dangers, she had
THAININd SCHOOL
"Wtot'S the cause of Ihe Infernal racket In the next room?"
"It Is Schmidt, the dog fancier, who Is breaking lu some dogs Intended for
UUSlcally Inclined mistresses." Megge iidorfi-r's lllaeltcr.
up III the crowded car looked straight
ahead of ber as she made Ibis remark.
The men sluing down glanced fur
lively ,it each oilier.
"I didn't hear anybody offering me n
Seat," she sai l, still looking straight nt
the front and of the ear, "but I look ll
for granted Somebody bad done It,"
Six men SlOWly rose up.
"No, I thank you." she said. Without
looking at any of them. "I've been
standing for Bfteen minutes. It won't
hurt me lo keep ll up a Hide longer. I
get off at Ibe next crossing."
Tin -n six men sat down again, much
relieved.
She had overesl linalisl them.
Oelllnsi Hack at Her.
"Yes, Mrs. Punk, i can understand
why you wouldn't live lu a small
town."
"What do you menu?"
"Anybody can live In n city, imt it
takes people who have mcnini re
Sources to enjoy life In n small town."
Well Portllfd,
"We never suffer from cold hands
when WS go mil.
'Are you so robust?"
'No; but my wife has her muff nn.l I
carry the poodle."
ll Wus Natural.
sin- (after the honeymoon) Pve often
Wondered, dear, what yon ever saw In
me to cause you lo liiilke me your wife.
He That's a strange coincidence. Ho
you know I've ask. si myself ilial ques
tion a hundred times SiOCS we've boOS
married?
ii . Kflnrt.
"I always nppreelate It when Illbbs
is pleasant to me.
'Why?"
'BeCS OSS ll Is hard work for him to
be pleasant to anybody."
OolHI In for Fieri I.e.
What did Hiss say lu her letter to
Santa ( 'lulls V"
Sh. said slie wan let! a pair of skaliti
Slid a piano."
lie' uhl tba t'rnae.
'Hobby, what kind of a sletl do you
want ?"
"I wnut one tbut's pretty enough to
ton) IHa on."
Inuring It Out.
"Ilnve you any Idea bow old Mrs
Wexford is?"
"Well, no, not exactly, but she must
Ik- pretty WOll down lu the 20s yet. I
heard Mrs. BlOXhnm say the other day
that slie didn't believe the biily was 'a
day over 357 "
Museum Kicltement.
"The two-heeded girl got up another
rumpus Ibis morning."
"Wluit was she mail iiImiiiI?"
"I me of her bends picked out a hat
Just like thut which the other one had."
The Having I lause.
"Dott'l you get tired of so much
BhnksH-are at your club?"
"Well, we always have tesu."--Defeats
l-'rt-v Press.
braved the terrors of the Obllkooi pass
and had rejoined her lover oil the Klon
dike. "Arc you glad to see me?" she askisl.
"Do you hi tl I think that I tun worth my
Weight lu gold?"
"In gold?" he sried, contemptuously,
ns he fold. si her to his frojen bosom.
"My darling, your are worth your
weight In hash!" Chi, ago Times Herald.
Mmilar but UlrTerent,
Hlggs hi. 1 you employ a typewriter
in copy your manuscript?
Biggs I thought I did. but on looking
over ibe work I (Uncovered that I had
employed a type wronger.
A Ciiah Clearance.
"Cordelia Is selling everything to go
abroad again."
"She Is?"
"Yes; she offered to sell me her bi
cycle nud her engagement to Mr.
Jimp."
('nnfeaeliina.
"Gladys Lnctla I must make a con
feoslon before we are married. You
know me ns (luy Percy Pltx-Wllllnm,
but the folks nt home cnll tne 'Hill.' "
"That's all right. My pa and ma call
me Toadlo.'"
Pleasant for Jinks.
Jinks They any married peoplt
grow to resemble each other.
Mrs. Jinks Well, I know It's quits
Impossible for a married woman to
keep her good looks. Larks.
Hopeful.
(irnngcr How ure you getting along
at your house?
TluiHou Pretty well, on the whole.
We are nearly out of everything but
debt, nnd 111 time, If things go on as
they have been going, we ought to ha
out of tlmt.-Tioston Transcript.
Men ml lloraea It in.-. I In llattle.
in regular bnKles Ihe proportion ol
loss among men nud horses Is quite
Close, and lu hand to hand combats of
cavalry, as well as in shtirp artillery
engagements, for every man killed or
wounded there Is also n dumb warrior
entitled to a place beside him ou the
roll of honor. The Light llrlgade nt
Ha Ink lava rode In tMiO (not i00) strong
and lost Jss men, but of tbe lUlU horses
BOO were shot down by the Itusslan
guns.
In the fierce charges of the Herman
uhlans and cuirassiers nt Vlouvllle,
Mars in Tour, lu 1870, 1,-lut) men and
1,000 horses were killed and wounded.
In the tierce artillery contests on the
Mime Held 7: :n men and over 1,000
horses fell around the guns. At Grave
lotto, soon after Mars In Tour, the ar
tlDery lighting was also terrible, and
l,;iisj horses were shot down around
the bait. rles, though the loss of the
artillerists was less than 1,000. -Our
Animal pri.-n.is.
A play Is never satisfactory If there
la a man or woman left over when the
pairing off occurs In tbe last set. M