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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 14, 1899)
-yw'Ginnis E bad l n al work on :i sur- A rev loth BHttr Bool Moon y V iriylotho spring. ' ., i, ,, found ii all 'lis- prtrf IBfl BO" w ,V(ri. fam. "","Vri Our wall andtnnltta aaptn V0 weeks, bnl L: l o l.eo.l..M..p.r .,0 acted carrier, and ao """H or " ... of any k'U1' PWlrtM u" rr.u.7; from fhccooU a3ftT f,d ,,r":B " ft il.cttbacfrtbonkl rrlve 0fl 1' w, r' '" " ' 1 Aft n"M u;,Ul1 tB,Pat,Mt" '".m evening n.i burry back to camp, Ire than talf-MPectlni that the post b.j com la tpite of the non-appear-eiif McOIODli. Expectancy was tor turing w- Disappointments repented miftnolai for several weeks deeply ..,.i iha miIi-Iih of tin party. We brcttae iwm " utd to Imagine what bad happened dui la tbe w r 1 I aliu-o we bud lost (ovl with It. acl) taamd lnt wnicone J''"1" 10 11,1,1 l,t'''n B-'lrpd by Utnes or li:ul nu t with misfortune. We worried ami frelted nud tormented ' wrwlfrt with Impatience. One night af tt-r nipper we lounged on our damp b.tls. ten of us In one tent, silting for bed time. The work of the itj bid beet) unusually hard ami the boor long- VVl' wire too log-wenry lud beavy of spirit to do anything but ibe little patcblog tliat was regularly secmary and to lounge. Udilnnls came over from the cook .1 .... I ' .lUItel -I I lit. 1. trot to tell us one of his tales of forty fears ago. Ills stories possessed one nusqaallty. They were reminiscent of the wild life of tbe mountains In the ear'.liT days, but McGlnnla played no prominent part In any of them. Wo were all nirloua to learn something about tbe old man, hut our curiosity was never satisfied. 1'n qucn t ly as a story In wlilib be figured gave promise of showing his younger self put to a test of strength or of courage, he would brval off suddenly or cl.ungc the entire trend of Ills story, Hut he enjoyed planing bis yarns, mid our slleuce of hit aid afforded blni the opportunity, "Well, I see yous are the same merry crowd as ever," he said, cheerily, ns he toot ibe only chair in the tent. "But waicb of you Is It that's cumin' up the taoot yonder, I'd like to know?" Sfror.il of us looked at him wonder- hjlr. Tbi.se who were bill J paid no mention whatever. The camp dog stretched, went lazily e the opening, then grew suddenly alert and began to hark. Almost in land) ten beada were crowded be Ireen tbe ti nt Haps. Sure enough, tome one whom we uld ii.. i tee cleerly In the dim light ba coming up tbe valley. It was evl fcatlya man. following the line of our Hne.v higher up the mountain slope, pal onlj a ibort distance away. IVe finally fell over one another In w ndden excitement Every one anuwl moved by the same Impulse. A blf-doieti pairs of wet and worn-out hoti disappeared from the passage bo twn tbe two rows of bunks at the nine Inatant. Some one ran out and touted to attract attention. Then "erftHxly else shouted, because there ttwuddeuly shouting In the soul of MCI. Minnls went quietly and lighted are he ti:il laid for morning In the "snore. The bea.l ehalnman mad Wee near the lent opeulng for an prase. fpndtnan and the "stnke-artist ; l wrestling, and rolled tboUt ll ami t li.-n out of It with most ""Peeled agility and high spirits. Tolw M'd It was not the old mall "Iw.and w heeamu still diam enri Not a member of the nrtr ,n,,.i Hut It tU lome one bringing our 0 3 I. Twn .1 ... - v. inree or ttie hoys went to RT aewcomer, ami the rest of us r-.g or ,,, (..lk,,.r,,8s wo liail - Wen, back into the tent, threw "wves down,,,, thfl ,.,,, aU(, asjjXm ""'""' or ImliilVrenee, "e uearu McUlimls to the cok-t,., calling: and eat "Come before fc,,,,., ', 'u to talking they'll W in.i.i a"Ke vo'-'o answered. lare an, i A 8llort' I'eavy-set, Zl: V!m"U irrul.-iM.cIc kit ami '"" Painfully into the B s " "" on" of "' beds. ."M,r!,'V mW "'vel-worn. J ? '""""'e eyes were lu t. Bofhh1, lll"1- Klnnce from bvhlai Wa" rapld n"l K'pVn' n,al,r M i-. -7HiKei at the l'lleJ. stranger eagerly m ... answ,.r( In a disinterest K n .Oh'., ll.... ,i . " Or i. ... k. ' UUP .... mM "ni l eq uupieas gler fel, ,n (bc lngJe of hI Ifcefcek'r ' fountl ln ,he ,ra11 at ll.ekir",s,n' "esald. qulet- fc"yrCbed "8 WUh bU .or ni,.,ll. at(m patrck Bn Mter. b0ldiUg 00 kDo blmr 1 , . Pafc,yB,2inIir,;elld for his letter haw ' 1,1 it to the ii-in nt audh io the Ki,t of the fn, . . - nv ai .i . i ... u we all saw that aai . ' oeepiy in. stulued. J 'I'eeta.les. II Innb. III.- A i. arh. 77 J,c"nl"a. MOWb II. mi l i " "."od. too, and Cttfn. the at "d t , i Up nc"r w l,ere 1 ut flaJ" anything; but thg gk.- my fool was so lame I couldu't get far through the brush." Then was a toddes movement In the tent, but no one spoke. The In.ys shook out their coats and put tb. in on. Kverv one understood what was to be done. Those who owned rllles t,.i ti,,.,..' now n ami provided tbemaelTM with ouki'i. r.wrf weapon in eaiup was uurrimu pai m reaaioeei for use, i tie enter of the party had come over from t tie Instrument tent wh llell our vilest arrived. "What kind of tracks were he now asked. there'' "I couldn't make out, answered. the stranger "Take the lanterns and plenty of can (lies, sulil the chief. "Ami, Turner, you siay io wateii camp," in . ii sin j , ioo, smi. i me stranger; "I'm too lame to travel. You'll have no trouble muling the place." TU slay and rend my letter." on nonnced UcQInnU, quietly, to the sur prise m every one, Tor old Morton, the tnipper, had heeu a frleud of his In the earlier days. A moment later only the strnnger and Turner were left at the sleetilnir -lein The searching party was well dowu the valley, and Mctiliiuls had goue to the cook-tent. Presently he came back with his hat aud spectacles on, "It's from my little granddaughter." hesnid to the stranger, ns he opened the letter. "Would you mlud rendln' It to me? My eyes was never much at hand- wrltiny The man rend It-a child's note of only n few labored lines, chiefly words of love, but he rend It unsteadily, for the cook held a lighted candle before bis face, and whenever he glanced up from the page the old man's eyes were Intently tixed upon hi:n. "Ah.lt'sbad business-bad business:" repeated the cook, as he put away his candle. "Now "at I know what's In Un let ter. 1 think I'll go on down nu' help tlnd out what It all means-all this blood, here." Turner grew uneasy after the old man had gone. The stranger said little. but he watched iiis companion doaety and wailed till the sounds of the cook's footsteps had died out In the distance. Then he got up, aud without limping ON T1IK TltAII.. walked to the tout opening. After standing there a moment he whistled and indenly turned upon Turner with a drawn revolver. "Keep still and walk outside," he said, quietly. Turner obeyed promptly. lie had no weapon with which to defend himself, ami he was badly frightened. In n few moments a second stranger. lean, raw boned ami taller than th llrst, came out of the brush leading two hornet, one saddled, the other hearing a pack. The rising moon shed but mm iigui along the mountain shle; yet Turner saw nt o glance that the ani mals were the old mall carrier's. J hey bit easy," said the shorter man, with a low laugh. "There's no one at camp but this. Now hurry." The last arlrval emptied the grips and bags and selected whatever was of value. He also took a couple of pairs of blankets and nil the ammunition i lie hoys had left behind them. Then he began to make a pack of what he had taken. "Never mlud that," said his compan ion. "Co over aud luy out all the grub you can." The tall strnnger went to the cook tent. The other knelt down, laid his re volver on the ground, kept his eye con stantly on Turner, and made a roll of what the llrst had put down. When he had cinched this onto the pack-horse he marched Turner before him to the cook-tenL The flaps of the tent were slightly parted, but there was no light Inside, and everything was quiet. He stopped before the opening, gave Turner tin bridle reins and made hlnw keep big hands above his head w hlle at the same time he held the hnrseg. "Hurry up with the stuff." he cx- clalmed, looking Into the darkness of the tent. He waited a moment, aud. getting no auswer, pushed aside the flaps and started to enter. Hut he had put only one foot Inside when the sound of a heavy blow was heard, and with a ruuflied cry he fvll forward on his face. Instantly McOlunls emerged from J " " I the tent, and the surprised Turner saw httn drng out both strangers, almost to gether, aud dexterously hind their banda and feet A new vigor had come Into the old man's frame, a new alert ness. There w'ero purimse and poslllvo ness In his every movement as he wvut alniut his tusk. When the men were secure he looked Turner. The latter suddenly cam; to himself aud put down LU band. Mi' tilunta rook the weapons from hi prl oners before tbey regalued consclous- nesa, and with Turner's help got them where ttire I Derer liked .his onc'i lookt." Mc- liinls said, by .,, ofMnww '""""'"'"''I I from the f,ee of, " """ "lbl letter. MH toOkf like ne'd km a bai, for m . ''" b.viwi, ,,, com. hart ""knowneetoVm. ,.,., ,1,1a K"i io me cook tent. ad wTiln liny ",lr ' was wain,,1 fr 'em ulil i lie near-trap, the only tlnd." ' thing I could Both men soon returned to conscious ness. and after nn effort to free tbetn Mvea they sat In dogged silence. IB about half nu hour several of the arching party returned with our pouch of mall, but most of the letters bad been opened, and many of them were torn and almost gestiov.d. Boon after, others came, accompanied by three or four strangers, carrying a limp form, which they laid carefully anon otic of the bode, The prisoners looked on Intently and wiih Dnmletahabla signs of fear. Morton, our mail carrier, had been shot iti the back. and. though danger ously wounded, was still living. "Is be dead?" asked the smaller prisoner. At the sound of his volco Morton, with a convulsive effort, sat up and put his hand to his side ns If to Vraw his revolver, but it was not there. The men who had come back with the party relieved the old cook of his prisoners and took them out to civiliza tion. They were deputj sheriffs, part of a large posse that for nearly n week had followed the trail of the two ilea peradoes. The old mall-carrier, pnuvoldably de layed, had fallen in their way When they were hard pressed for means of MCape, and they had shot him for tils horses. Then, learning from the letters of our presence In the neighborhood, they had played at a bold game to ob tain provisions and had lost. We felt that we knew Mctiltinls bet ter ufter that Chicago Itceord. A FOOT. BALL STORY. The rinycr Porltoeasod n (Ircot Kcot, but DtdM't Know It. Harper! Round Tabic contains a capital football story. In which the fol lowing vivid description of the sensa tions of a contestant in a game bet w. en the Harvard mid Yule teams Is given by Ohe of the Harvard plavers: Vs the play was started I was shot forward, tipping the opposing guard completely over, ami we all went down together. I can only rethetnber scram bllng savagely over two men, Jumping wildly from one man to another, With the ball Just ahead of me under the legs of what teemed to Ih- n thousand people. Then I heard a wild, unearth ly yell Nothing like it had ever coma to my ears before, mid I remember wondering w hat It could be. It swelled and grew with each moment. Now It died away; now it spread out stromrcr than ever. 1 had n queer feeling ot wonder If I were still playing the game. Nobody seemed to be near. Then n black-faced, tierce -looklne Ha. lire rose up In front of me. I must get out of his way nt any cost. I moved aside and thrust my open band straight Into Ills face, caught his hair ami ear, and scrambled all over him. lie aet m ill to be the only one out of the gann except myself, mid the maddening feel ing that I hud made some mistake but me the strength to throw him rolling away on the ground. There was that same wild, extiit.int yell again. It swept over the field as I have seen a cloud of dust sweep up n street. And then all In a moment I knew the cocaine hail given out and my strength was gone. I got a swinging blow on the head, ntltl lay quietly down with the feeling that I was tired out. Mill there seemed to be no exp'ann Hon for my being alone, and I started to get up, saying between my teeth, "Get 'em low. Jim, get 'em low!" "t)h, Jimmy, my boy! Jimmy! Jim my!" cried a voice, and an arm went round my neck and lifted me up. "Low, Jack, l-o-w!" "Oh, Jimmy," said Jack himself, bold lug me up, "It's over, and -look nt the crowd!" I could scarcely see, but over to the right somewhere there was n wave of red color that swung back and forth. Then I looked up at the faces about me, ami they wavered, too. "Peter," I cried, with tears rolling down my cheeks for the life of me I couldn't help it "Peter, get me up! I'm all right. We'll stop 'em yet. Tbey can't get over that line." "He's gone." said somebody; "he's mixed. Take him over to the house." Hut I couldn't let them take me off now. It was too critical n time. "Why don't they go on with the game? I'm all right. I tell you." (Io on, man, go on? Why, don't you know where you are?" I looked up and saw goal posts over my heail. iiml the next Instant there was another wild, wavering c heer and n ball went sailing over the cross bar. What Is It, Karrngut?" I asked. Good heavens," said some one mar by, "in1 doesn't know! Why, man, you've run the 180 yards of the Held through tlie whole team, and Unit's a goal from the tOUChdownf The Origin f Sea ping. At the annual meeting of the Haiti- more Folk l-ore society .Mis Alice t;. Fletcher gave an Interesting contribu tion In a paper entitled "The Slgiillie .an r the ficiup lock; a ninny or tue Omaha Mbe." The Omaha Indiana, like tunny other tribes, have peculiar Ideas regarding a continuity of life mi l kind of spiritual link between ani mate ami inanimate oojecrs. i uey ne- lieve a piece of any article connects them with the entirety, i tie naff is thought to have a close connection with life, and one possessing it may work his will upon whoever or what ever the hair belonged to. From this Idea came the custom of scalping cne uilea. Boston Kvenlng Transcript Vuinlnc In India. There was a time when the govern apt of Iudln had to Import nnnually 4J50,"0 worth of quinine and did not get enough of It even then. After a great many exM rlinciiis tbe culi;va'loc of the cinchona tree was mad.- - fill In India, and now there are t.0(S), ms) trees In Bengal, and every rural imstwttli'C In India sells a five gran packet of the drug for half 4 aoajt, while thg government makes from 18,000 to 3,jOO a y ar out of the profit """ "e Sleeping tetil. were lighted ati HOBSONS FIRST PLAN. .t'crriiiiui- t Fly Sl.nninll (.nl.ir nn.l i i mi i boao, I. lent. Richmond Pearson Hofaaon u wriiiug for the Century Uagaalne his lory of "The linking of tbe Mertt mac." Meat. Holisuii aava aftai i..n log of the decision to sink Ibe Uerrltnae In the barbOf entrance: Various plans w ere considered. Thai of feigning a chase suggest,-,! Itself from the fact that Spanish colliers were 'iipMsel to be on their way to Santiago. ne had recently been captured by the St. PaM, ami from her It was learned that others were soon expected, By this method the Merrlinac would ap proach by night from the eastward; when about live mTffsaway she would be discovered by blockading vessels, searchlights would he thrown towards her. nud tire opened, care being taken to tire wide and throw the lights In front ninl on the sides, to show the Iptaah of striking projectiles. The Merrlinac. upon discovery, would bear la toward the shore to within iboiit two thousand yards, apparently to seek the shelter of batteries: she would throw pitch on the tires to make heavy black smoke, ns If forcing to the utmost. Rlio would bend In towards the entrance and turn full down the course for entering the channel, blowing her whistle in blasts ns of frigid and dbv tress. The Searchlight would flash aeroaa and show a Spanish Hag nt her peak. On approaching, the lights would be thrown on the entrance to facilitate her navigation, but carefully avoiding resting upon her.. The shore batteries tpenlng 00 the chasing vessels would be replied to and kept diverted. If they 'pencil on the Merrlinac. searchlights would Ik. thrown In the gunners' faces. However, an examination of the chart showed the dlfbCUltlaa of navigation to be so great that no sane captain wa.uU attempt to bike in ,, collier at night or under circumstances that did not admit of the utmost deliberation. It was knoWtt thai tugs were used hry single screw vessels of nny size on nccount of the turn in the bannel abreast Batralla Point The thai seemed to be gainst Hie enemy's being deceived, an I navigation depending upon searchlights would entail chances (.r failure. This plan, nn.l various other plans In volving the co-operation of the fleet were discarded In favor of the simpler plan of going i alone by moonlight. Just before the moot, should set. Sur prise, under any condition, could be only partial at best, since a certain amount of light was absolutely neces lary for navigation. The conditions for surprise would be more favorable to ward daybreak. Moreover, n Hood tide must be Chosen, so that, case of breaking the anchor gear, the vessel would le set Into the channel and have ample time for sinking before the ebb could tend to throw her out, while the Chaneea of being carried by the tide through the whole length of the narrow rhnnnel Into the Inner harbor seem,.,! Improbable. The "establishment of the port," or time of high tide, was about eight hours nnd a quarter, so that the tide would be running strong flood as the moon set. The moon was then ap proaching full, nnd calculations showed unit it would set nt Santiago about naif past inree on lliursday, .lime g, We were speeding nt about thirl knot -mo tircgon unit demonstrated her ihlllty to maintain that speed and we would therefore arrive off Santiago arly Wednesday morning nml have most of the day and night of We.ln lay ior preparations. 1 lllirsday was therefore set for entering, though the admiral expressed the opinion that It would he found Impossible to complet the preparations In time. The special advantage of Thursday was that ihcr would lie an Interval of darkness of about an hour ami n quarter between the time of moonSel nnd daybreak, wldle on Friday this interval would be reduced to about half nn hour, and on laturday day would break before moon et. It will be understood Hint nn Inter vnl of darkness, though short, might lie found of advantage for completing the work or for making escape. Preparatlona were therefore begun nt once, the greatest amount of detail !' tig required for the process of sinking. An Apt Itenilln Sometimes much nmilsement Is cre ated at the expense of some UMUapecl lug person by 11 situation or quotation which places him In n ludicrous light "When I was a hoy," Mr. Bellow laid, "I bad Just arrived on leave from the training ship, nml was n conspicuous object 111 my cutlet s uniform In our family pew, close up to the chancel rails. The reverend gentleman who read the lessons 011 Hint particular day Waaa very tall man. Immense I That's Hie word. He was big all over. Ills very head was huge. Ilia chest like the front of a bull, gigantic he got bigger ns he went down, w ns but nnd u as I at ssctl groi not when you arrived nt his waist he enormous, Standing on irs si" the lectern he looked n giant Dn in his surplice lie cut H10 most tcsqiic figure I ever saw. I bad seen him before, nml was making all sorts of calculations about hi- height. girth, breadth of beam, and 10 forth while he droned out the lessons, last lit! came to the lines I shall never forget them: Tbe Lord hath fashioned me behind ami before. 1 am fearfully ami wonderfully made.1 I looked nt my father, anil Irreverently winked. It was too much fot him. I saw his mouth twitch. At Inst It had to come. He pretended It was n sneeze, and got Ids handkerchief to his face just in time to snve his reputation. After the ser vice I got a wigging. Hut he had a good hiugh till the same." Feeding tbe Kars of Holdltrs. A returned rolnuteer teBa a story which goes to show that otllcers were not feasting while the men were living on ordinary army rations, says the Philadelphia Preaa. One of our Generals la Cuba end r mined some visiting offlcera at his Held quarter! near the lighting Hue before Santiago. The fure resembled q slui pllclly the legendary routed sweet po tatoes of Revolutionary times, hut the host's hearty welcome, and, still more, his wealth f good Itories, curried along the meager menu. At length there came a pause. The guests were awaiting "What neAt." when the old uegro servant was heard to hiss luto the QetteraTa air: "(live 'em aiiutlier big one, General. Vv cook dun scorch de hardtack." Whnt Paaaled Ulas. "When I was a young man." said a well known civil engimsr to a New York Tilt nee man. "I erai surveying the route of a proposed railway, An old Tin nn r Willi whom I stopped fori time, admitted one day, when he saw me figuring in the ib id, thai matbe niatlca always seemed n won.leifu' thing to him. Being young and eulbll alaallc, 1 began to enlarge on its won iters, telling him how we could Urn ure the dlstancea to different plane: and even weigh thcin; how we could foretell accurately the coining of a come: or nn eclipse years In adVaiM of its actual occurrence, determine the velocity of lha Berceal project. le, aa certain the height of mouuiulns with out scaling them, nml many other tilings which 1 meant should astonish him. "Von can Imagine how he set me back when he replied to this brilliant array of facts by laying; -Yes, yes. tbom things tin seem kinder curUJ, but what alius bothered me was in nhderstan' why you have to carry on,' for ev'ry ten. Hut f you don't tin dtirncd thing won t come out right.' " lltirietl Willi Mllltury Honor, At the breaking out of the tell fears' war In 1808, the Spaniards In culm adopted the sparrow as ti. symbol of their pertinacity and lighting qunUtlee, and applied the name of "cat" as the most contemptuous word to the na tives, in March, 1800, n Spanish soi tiler saw n cat BOUM a sparrow with teeth ninl claws. Clubbing his inns ket, he disabled the cat ami tooFtha dead bird from Its mouth. The occur rence liclng reported, the cat was tried by drum head court martial nml sen tenced to death, w hile the body of the sparrow was ordered to be burled with military honors. The Ix-st known Spaniards in Cuba worn ordered to at tend. There were eight battailous In Havana, ninl the wife of the eom mander of each sent large offerings of flowers, a bier was prepared and the sparrow was placed on a fragrant bed of roses nml lilies. The drum was muffled ami Hie .;.- soldiers were given the order to march. With sol emn tread the long line proceeded to the cVinetcry on the outskirts of the city, nnd Where the victim of the cat was Committed to the earth with mill tary honors. Baol ria in Daas, Iti n recent number of the Annates de Mh rographle, Dr. bflqnel gives the tv suits, of some Interesting observations' made by him in respect of the vitality of disease germs. In May, issf, he took some earth from tlie Montanurla l'ark'nt a depth of ten Inches In-low the turf. This he dried for two tlnys at n temperature of :to degrees c ml grade, ami then lie placed tlie dust It, hermetically sealed tubes, w hich he put aside In a dark corner of the Inborn lory. When taken the soil contained nu nverage of tt.rssi.iss) bacteria per gramme. After desiccation the tin m ber hail fallen to rather less than 1. out 1,1 mo. Sixteen yaara later he st 11 fountl 9,000,000 per gramme, nml he was enabled to Isolate the specille mi crobc of tetanus. The Inoculation of tills soil in guinea pigs determined death from tetanus after nn lucuba- lion perlotl or two days, showing tin remarkable vitality of pathogenic mi nobis under favorable conditions Philadelphia Record The Bloyole in German Poiltlca . soiuewoai remaraaoie movement Is being started by the devotees of cv ..n.... . ... ... i-iius "i 'etiniiny. 11 is nothing less than a demand tor the due represent.'. lion of cyclists' Interests at nil el nous, wtieiiier municipal or statt Wheelmen in the Fatherland hnv cause for bitter complaint against Hi ponce regulations, w tiicn in many eases are not only Vexatious, hut al nonsensical, They differ too so much inn oniy in mo various states, lint even III the towns, that 110 wheelman on long lour la utile to master them. Tin t;i.s Imposed upon cyellsls too h.'lV approached the Intolerable point. As n onacquence of all this every candidal! for a parliamentary or municipal sent will henceforth be asked to answer the jueatlon, "What are your views re ipectlug the cycle police regulations mil the cycle tnxV" That the move nt is a lorinitmnic one may lie seen from the fact tliat one In every four lectors ow ns a bicycle. A Legend of I.M'cMaklnir. Many are the myths bunded down In relation to Hie origin of lace making ami of the number one has to select her choice nml pin her fulth to, tllseurillng ilie oilier stories ns mere fables. Here Is a very pretty myth, la fact one of the prettiest of all the legends, perhaps: It tells of a Venetian sa lor Who, 00 the eve of ll sea voyage, gave to the Woman be loved a piece of beau tlful aeaweed to keep during bis nb sem e 111 memory of him. He sailed away, ami the girl care fully kept tin- gift with tender love, nml the endurance of his love for hei depended upon lis preservation. When he law the aeaweed drying up ami fulling to pieces, she caught the leaves ami branches Willi a line thread against -j"" i piece of linen, nml thus Invented lace. 1 lie lace maker s art can be traced pack to. one thousand years befon Christ. The liner laces appeared b nit the llrst of the sixteenth century. Abstemious nt Banqatata Kx Mayor l.atrolie of BaJUnjojpi Is In the best of health, although he has attended litsi banquets during the Inst twenty years. He says: " always hail a good lime w lierever I wont. Hut I didn't eat much banquet goers should remember that- ami I didn't drink much, and that Is why I have not ilevebqMsl nny of those many ills eases which nre lurking In th). Btffloa phcro surrounding the gourmet." Thought He Meant InopMdrfS, Mrs. h.eley, thu veteran Ktigllsh BCtreaa, tells ap anecdote of n young tct reel WhjO, In the play, Is a hoy. She Ig taken before a Judge, Who asks stern ly: "Now, where are your aecom pl least" And Hie young nt-tress, by n happy thought Improved on the author nml answered In artless tone; "1 don't wear any. They keep up without." gait ftr the u M T)n-re Is a salt vein lu Kansas st a depth of 000 feet cuntalnlug. accord ing to a local statistical!, enough salt io salt the world for a million years. It la no longer proper to call a girl "Sis," If you don't know her first num.-. Call her "Mamseile" If you waul ber tu thaw, LET i s A LL LAUGH. JUKI S FROM THE PENS VARIOUS HUMORISTS. Ol- MeaoMl Isteldeate Oeearriaa Ibe WoeMOvee taslagetkai AreCheev fnl to (lid or fsaaa I-'iiiiiii SaioaUaaa iit You win Balsjr, cnn'it if Noceooarjn Nelghtior What beautiful tune, Mrs. Stiifkop! liens you Mrs. Stiickup Yes; they nre all n ported fowls. Neighbor Toa don't tell me sn. 1 luppoee they lay eggs every day! Mrs. Btnckup (proudly) They could do so If they saw proper, but our clr Qjimatancea are such that my be us are not required to luy eggs every day. Tit lilts. gross s mall Perils to Oreat Daaarare. "Do not worry about the ierii of your son. The war's over now, ami he's In no danger." , "O, Isn't hot Well, you didn't know, I suppose, that his regiment's mustered out ami he's gone back on his tool ball team." New York Journal, As Understood by Mini. "Mamma, whafa a aeworl" asked a little Ptttaburg boy, "A Bower Is a big dmln tO carry off dirty water. Tommy." "That Is where Mrs. Smith Is going to put Mrs. .lones." "What ilo you menu, child'" "Why, I heiinl Mrs Smith say Hint Mrs. Jones had told storlea about her nnd aha was going to sue her." I'llts- lung Chronicle Telegraph. A Conference i ikoPtadjr, Hr. Thirdly 1 am In dire straits. Dr. Fourthly What is the trouble? Hr. Thirdly It was decided some three montha iy;o to cut down my sal ary. Hr. I'ourthly Ah. that was unfor lunate. But why not cut down your scriipuis? . Hr. Thirdly That Is exactly wlml I did mid they scei 1 to like the ar rangement so well that they luinicll atety cut down my s.ilnry again Now, what am I to dot . Hr. 1'ourthly Try making your ser minis longer and see If they won't pro pose a compromise. Pejasrlaat tip. Froddlo'l Papa What do you Intend to do with the hole in that doughnut When you get all the cake eaten from around lit Freddie (after serious thought) i guess I'll give It to little sister to pay for the bill' she gimme out of her ap pie. A ttooil MriiHiM, fur It. Caller Thai waa a n idltorlal you had this ruing on the "Increase of Sordid Commercialism." Assistant Editor Yen, tlie obi man wrote it himself after ot f our best poets notified him that we would gel no more verse unless wo pahi something for It.- Cincinnati Enquirer. Where Goafideace t'.nita. "Does he have the confidence of his Wife?" 'Well, she malls her own letters." Ohio State Journal. Antl Lssllf Stretched. Thai is where I draw the line," said the servant girl, as she looked across Hie clothes yard nlxmt 10 o'clock on Monday morning. Soniervllle Journal. Strictly Private. The Coon I want tuh sen' ills l. tlah by telegraph. The Operator- Well, what have you got It scaled for? The CtMin 'Cos It's pussonni, snh! It am Intend.. I only fo' do eye,, i Miss Angelina Brown, I'd bah yon' know) New York Journal. A Mi Ii . I Opinion. I'uclo 'Itaatua Iioetah. dar's snmfln Wrong wl( dut pickaninny oh mine. lie done biu pow'ful melancholy ob ItOi Hr. Unfits I scc' dnt's most lolkly Jest plain water melancholy.-Collier's Wckly. Vi hut He Took. Jay Creen lu rural swalni-When I as mil buggy rldln' with Mls-i l,,s utters inst miiulny site insist..! on tit k In' the reins. Aimer Appledry What did you do? Juy (ireeu Awl I took the hlut!- Pnck. A 1 puce Worh-is Miss Ann Thrupe- Husslc h i. n't nny permanent employment, has be? Cholly No; he's writing for the pa pers. Jusl doing a little bwalli wink Miss Ami Throne Then he must is- Working on space. Philadelphia lice ord. A Money-Hnyer. "BeaSlagton I- the stingiest man I ever saw. Ho you know what he's doing now ?" "No; what's his latest scheme for saving mom y f "He's rented a room over a rest an rant, so tbsl lie ran lubale bis meals without extra cost," I ' 1 I i io Stat ans'rj wn-t. "Can yon oblige bm who a ui tt of I ai'' l "Yes." "And nil envelope V "Ten," "Ami ii pontage ataasuT "No, but her, ' uo at Ills " I hank you. Unit will do USt as well." I lon'i you want me to bring vou a letter isxv" "1 in afraid It will Is- too much lion ble." "Not al all. If you'll wait around here half a minute I'll call up Hie p. .-Hi department nt Washington," "Mny I ask what fori" "I'm going to request them Io put th Histotllce on wheels ami have It follow you around.'' "How kind! I'm afraid this package Is a little heavy for one stump Haven't you two cents moref'- Oleveland Plain Healer. lloiir.l I'rrill.lloii Mould Cnnir Trn. Mrs. Wild man i can lell yon this. Mr. Wild man, If you COOtlDtM In your present life of clra agau. e you'll surely pay for II so lay. Mr. Wlldmaa i wish, my dear, that my creditors had tbe sane faith In my good Intentions. Odds nml Cuds. I naottsdi "What's the mailer with the pie?" said the cuckoo. "She ho mo b cast down." mag wry "VI by," replied the robin, "aha beard somebody make that remark eboul women talking like magpies, and then cckcd lu oi, nu afternoon tea."- Phila delphia North American. Aa Only a Krlenil Coold S.eiih. Bmlly I am so unhappy. hogda tc sec that Arlhur married BM for uiy money. Her dearest friend Well, you have the comfort of knowing that he Is not so simple us he looks.-Slray Stories. The Only Virtue that WsUtd Vf. "My husband has all the virtues hut one," remarked the wife of a struggling young doctor. "What Is thnt?" asked the s mpn- thetlc friend. H Patten ta," replied the young wire. Peareon'a, The Vacta lii (lie t'uae. There Waa trouble of some kind re ported ami the editor told the new re-porte- to go mid get the details. He got them, as mny In- seen from his account of tbe affair, which was as follows: "A man killed ., dog belonging to an other Ban, The son of . man w hoso dog was killed proceeded to whip the mini who killed the dog or the man tu was the son of. The man w ho was the son of the BUB whose ilnir was killed was arrr-stcd oh complaint of the man who was assaulted by the son of tha man .Wbooa dog tin' DIM w ho was as saulted had killed." V. here lie (tot It. "Yon nre the cheekiest Inxik agent I ever saw." "Yes, sir. I use your nerve tonic.'' New York World. On the I. Ink.. Miss Adept (With friendly Intenst)- ii playing golf, ehl what did got do It III? Miss Mrat Time Round io it in? Oh, my old black bicycle skirt sml a shirt waist! Harper's Ilusar. A I. in ky Kacnne. omervlUe girl realises now thnt A she has made a lu. I, Jj ' ii,'.-. isiht broke her engagement with n Cam bridge young man, ami when he re turned the picture of herself thnt shn had given him it looked ns fresh anil new ns It did tin- day when It camu from tliii photographer's. Soniervllle Journal A Komiinre Unit WSS Huns Off. He had made up his mind to propose to the pretty telephone girl. Clearing his throat, be began i "I would like " Hut the force of habit was strong upon her ami she Interrupted him. sny Ittgl "Mile's busy." Afterward she realised her mistake. hut the bird which baa been permitted to escape from tlie hand widow cornea buck from the hush of Its uw u accord. ClrcauMtaaeoa Alter Chseot "My friend." said the clerical looking passenger to the traveling man lu the ucxt Mat, "do you ever drink?" "Is Hint un Invitation or only a ques tion V" asked the wily drummer. "Merely a question pertaining to your future welfare," replied tha a, L p. "Then," observed the oilier, "I never drink, sir, never." The Sense r Justice lu the) Slum. Jacob A. Kiln writes of "The I'nsslng of Cat Alley" in tin- Century. Mr. Itlls says: "Cat Alley had Its faults, hut It can at least be said of It, In extenua tion, that It was very human. With them all It hail a rude sense of Justice thnt did not distinguish its early build ers. When tin' work of tearing down had begun, I watched, one day. a troop of chlldrcu hnvlug fun with n sis saw tliat they hinl made of a plank laid across a lliue btirrvl. The whole Irish contingent rode Hie plank, all nt once, with screams of delight, A rngged lit tle girl from the despised "Dago" col ony watched then, from tlie corner with hungry eyes. Illg June, who was the leader by virtue of her thirteen yeara ami her long reach, saw her and Stopped the show. "Hi-re. Maine," site said, pushing one of the mtiller girls from the plank, you gel off BU1 let BOf ride. Her uiolli- cr was staiiis'ii ycsicrtluy. Ami Un- Pule Dago rode, and was made happy. There should be more leisure for men of business nud more business for meu of leisure. Kvery man does a lot of unnecessary work every day.