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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (March 5, 1898)
Eugene City Guard.
I. I CAMPBELL, TfftUfr.
Talking about forestry U well enough,
but Arlmr days really go to the root of
HHHlnl dispatches My thut a nun
dow n In New Jersey I awentlng blood.
Probably be liit mortgage overdue.
"Hutterand eggaar weak," ay the
Price Current. If possible, butter
should x kept In that condition right
The man who tried to commit aulolde
by Jmuiliig Uhiii the Chicago Klver
from dock street was a stranger from
Poole Sam ha hla own little dome
tic trouble, but taking calm survey
of the earth Just now, he And no great
reason to envy hla nolghltora.
Suicide la alarmingly on the Im.-ease
In I'm me ami uoilccahly Increasing tn
England. The law of England oonsld
cm an attempt to commit aulrlde a felony.
ryes nf children and It baa Iwo proved
that same shad of cream wl. r. a dead
aiirface of aoft, mellow tint, rarled la
Ita degree of whiteness to suit the qilal
Ity and quantity of light, la preferable
to all or any other. The crayon to tie
lined on ailcb board aliotihl be of a
clear, dark green. In school where
this moilern board ban been Introduced
In place of the old blm'k aiirface, with
Ita white chiilk, there tint been not only
an Improvement In the eye of the chil
dren who have bud to use aiieh board
but a great Inorenwe In the amount of
attention they have given to exoroUo
on the board by reason of the greater
en with which their Intercut could lie
retained. When so much enn lie no
canity accomplished It aeema almost
criminal to retain In use the obi black-
Ismrd. It ha done Injury enough to
entitle It to he retired.
KISSING THE ROD.
O heart of mine, we shouldn't
What we're mi-d of calm we couldn't
Have, you know!
What we've met of atormy pain.
And of sorrow's driving rain,
We can better meet again,
If It Mow.
We Imve erred In that dark hour
We have known.
When our tenra fell with the ahower,
Were not ihiiie and ahower blent
A the gnieiniia Mauler meant?
Iet n temper our content
Willi Ilia own.
THK OTHER ONE."
In a Keiiluckjr distillery the other
dny a steam holler exploded ami killed
two meiL Wheu will people Icaru thai
the ue of water In any form la highly
dimgcrou In Kentucky?
Itev. T. lo Witt Talmage explain
that he wan "married quietly, bisnusc
of a rcccutly death lu the family."
Otherwise would he have been married
boisterously or explosively?
A New York ollccmnn ha a "fallen
heir lo $70,0)10." I'erhapa thla la unfit
a delicate way of announcing lliat he
hua been promoted to the captaincy of
a tenderloin precinct, however.
It In about time that the people who
are not contemplating a trip to the
Klondike ahould begin to form clulu
and aioclutiouit which will Insure
In-tii against louoomciicaa during the
A Cluelnmitl girl, they say, la "cov
ered wllh llsb aeillea Instead of a tint li
ra I Hkln." Those Clnclunntl reporlera
are enterprising; In thla Instance they
are fully three iiioiiIIm a lien d of the
regular sea sou for llb atoilc.
The private secretary of Amhamsarior
Hay ha Ix-en arrested for riding hla
bicycle on the aldewalka In lomkin.
The Idea! Have Amerlcatm no rlghta
which England respects? Mint the
work of ITTD pud IMS be doiio all over
It may Ih slgultlcnnt, now that Cur
nollii Vnuricrhllt, Jr., bna returned
from hlit wcduiiig trip, t lilt t he haa en
tered upon a three year course In
philosophy nt Yale. It la not known
that he felt the need of being trained
to be philosophical before.
The Intent novelty lu car la a car
which I really a al twaler lank on
wheel, designed to iraimport oystors
and oilier shellfish Into the Interior In
their unlive element. Ere long the far
Went will lie able lo enjoy cynlcm oil
the half ahell that are Juot aa frctdi a
those nrveri In the Eiiat.
At a recent church fair lu a small
city the receipt aggregated over four
thousand dollnnt, which were mostly
gained In unfair competlllon with the
town merchant. A dealer who suc
cumbed to aollcllntloiM to give live
mil of shoe saw llieiu marked at Ichh
than ctiKt, mid alllrin Unit he was af
terward twitted over hla own counter
been uo he charged more than I he
tiiixunr saleswoman. There are several
side to church fair, and all are bad.
The auffcrlnga of (he w ort hie record
eri In the eleventh chapter of the Epl-
tie to the Hebrew Included wanriisr
Ing "In deserts and In mountain, and
In den Hint cavea of the rattli." A re
cent traveler In Syria and KoiithcaMc-rn
A a Minor found that Christian f Ircek
and Armeiilnn have, lu reMated In
at mice, retreated to almot IiiiicccnsI
ble cave where their lire have Home
shelter from the aiorm of Turklah per
sccullon. Kndurnnce of privation and
pain for the aake of the faith la not an
exiluct form of human experience.
Worry wrevka' more Uvea than work.
An ouigrowth of one of the pycholog.
can whim of the time I a chain of
"Hon't Worry" club. Without nub
acrllilng to nil the tenet of thee or
giiiiltallou, ulmoNt every Individual
could better hi condition by adopting
and trying lo live up to their motto.
The HiiliHtnnco of their belief I licyond
dl-putc, and may Ik- aiimmariKcd lii few
word: Worry never yet Mterd the
condition of any Individual; It never yet
failed to make worse the condition of
the person given to worrying. There
oukIiI not to lie iii-ed of anU-worrv aiv
I'lcllca. The lnllnct for elf picei VH
lion choiilil array huuianlty In opHl
tloii lo the advemnry, worry.
I'nr we Know not every morrow
Can be tail;
No, furi;eitii,g all the orrnw
We have had,
; I-ct tin fulil away our fear.
, . , . . ! I1"' our f'olili tear.
The Immeimlty of the tobacco manu- Allli tUr,lVltU n ,(, cm,llt yPtri
laeiurmg nunoory oi me i unei nwinn i jla ,r glnd.
dot not upl ar mitll one haa the curl- -.lnni Whittomh Riley.
olly to look at It In aonm of Ita lm- ;
porta nt detail. The rejiort of the lu- ;
ternal revenue ibpHrtment of the gov- j
eminent glvm wime figuri that are
kur)rlalng. lu the flxcnl year of Ki"
there were inaiiiifaclur'il In the I'lilted
Htalea 4,lIH,4'a,.'lil clgnra or obout W
for Mich man, woman ami child In the
1'iilted Htate. To make tlio elgara re
iulded about 8r,00 ton of tobacco.
Ileldii the elgara were made 4.117,
iU.ZVl clgurettea, I.:i,.'l!i7.it07 jKiunda
of plug tobiM-eo and X 1 ,TJ 1 .! Miund
of fine cut chewing tobacco. Smoking
tobacco to the amount of K'l,MK,!iM
ImiiiiuIh Kim mnuufncturel, while 12.
7' iH.lt III iiouml of KtiulT wctb made. To
niiike all thee manufnetured good
'.'il,417,ri!at iwiuudn of tolwcco were
iiwed and thl embraced 21.'l,rMr,Si'7
poimda of leaf, 10.:i7.VHK1 pouiul of
crap, 4l'l,im jmiuihIk of atoina, '.VI,
MVW.I poiiiwla of licorice, -'..')!H,7fi7
pound of Niigar, and ir,0K,io7 pounda
of other mnterlal. not enumerated,
were uncd. Thla make a grand total
of 4 1 1),. MIT, 7X1 ixiiiud of material that
went Into the manufactured tobacco
made lu the I'iiIIimI Hlnte. The Ameri
can people are the largeat conauiiiera of
tobiie-o of liny on the globe and It k
altuoHt an exception In a party of men
to II nd one who doc not ue tobacco
lu Koine form, more or lc temperately.
(icciiHloiially a mail I found to whom
tobacco I Immediately Injurious or
hurtful, but, deNplte the fact thai the
active principle of tobacco, nicotine, la
ao deadly a Mion,lho American coplt
aeeiii to lie able lo colinumc large iian
tit leu of It without allowing Heiioua evil
effect from It.
In many place
have In-cii diverted
male puriNwc and
from ll.elr legltl
turncd Into mere
III aome iiluce
the evil coiineOti-d wllh the latter have
grown to be Intolerable, t'nklr work
nil Nort of fratlduleiit m.'Iiciiich, dlnrcp
lltnble nIiowiiicii give cxhibllloiiH that
are groHly liiimoral, and gambler run
Ku imlllug guinea openly. Km li thing
eventually kill the fair and drive the
agricultural aoclcly out of existence.
A an example of the true kind take
that of the Valley Fair Ahkih latlon of
Vermont. It ha given twelve annual
fair, and the hint one wa even n great
er micctK than ever before. Till fair
I piitronlr.od by the hint people of the
Connecticut Valley, ami the attendance
In! full wa ll.'Nii the llrt day and
1,"i,immi die WHiind. The treniirer of tile
NiH-lety, Mr. Kley, anya: "We nlarted
In w ith a capital of f Iii.ikni, with wlilc'i
we bought our ground, ami com
menced the luilldlng for the acctiiniiio
datloii of hore. cattle, lnvp, Nwlne,
poultry, farm pnKlucla. agricultural and
mechanical Implement, etc., etc., and
we now have a proMrty that ha cunt
u f'J.VKKi--and all but the original cap
Hal atock ha been made from the fair.
Wo have never failed to add a goodly
Hum each year to the property from
the prollt made. We atnrted out with
the avowed put Kie of never M-rmltllug
any fakir of any kind on the ground.
no pool Hclllug. no game of chance, but
n legitimate agricultural fair Our dl
play thl year In all dcnirtiucnt wa
nam ny people nun nave ailcliileil a
large number of fair to eipial If not
Riirpa nliythlug they had keen. We
have adhered alrlctly to our rule, and
I am conlldcut that all our malinger
believe that It I far more protltahle
than any other couine. 1 believe that
If thl couroc wa followed by other
agricultural fair In the country, they
would prove not only of greater benellt
to the people Who attend tlielli, but also
to the stockholder."
WON A WIFE WITH AN EGO.
Although Trance ha now Imvii a re
public for about twenty seven year,
there I still a royalist party which
culertnlUN hope of a ntontlou of the
monarchy. The expectation of thl
p-lity have centered In the luke of Oi
lcan, the head of the lloue of Orlcan.
Some stir baa been occasioned lu
Clench political circle by a recent let
Icr or maulfcato from the duke which,
though It I not an actual abdication of
bl claim, rc4ouiiucmlH hi follower
to make thw best of existing condition
and to hilsir for the supreme Interest of
France rather than the Intcri-st of their
party. Thl action remove one disturb
ing Intltietice from thl year'a general
purinimeiiiary election In I'lunce. and
tenda to alrengthen the republic.
War I being made lu mime quarter
on the alMiinlmible blackboard In use
In public acliooU very generally. It I
a wcll-CKtabllKhcd fuel that the wori
color on the eye I black, and eveu tall
or, when men' clothing himhI to be
made by hand, were acciitomcd lo
charge more for making a aiilt of black
clothe than any other, for the reason
that the color waa ao much more Inju
rloua lo the eye. Kxperiinrnta In the
color of o called blacklNtarda have
Ist ii made with view of determining
Lit color la Icaat lujurioua to the
Oklahoma Kuroirr Made ltiy Ity m
KmiiiIoiii I. ovr .Mi-ssiitr.
lto Wllllnlii. of Knld, O. T., wrote
a lovelorn nn-esiue on au eng ready for
ahlpuieiit m'vcrnl week ago, and ut a
result he wiui himself a bride.
What I lie youikg imiu mild on the egg
waa thl: "On a farm lu (lie Cherokee
strip I sit a sad and loiicoomc bachelor,
thinking sadly over my fate, ami would
love to come off the nent ami Jolu my
life with that of aome comely young
biily of not too many summers' growth.
Should the meoxuge on this egg meet
w ith the eye of a fair one who I matri
monially Inclined on short acquaint
ance, and who think she could ciijov
a prairie life with a student of nature'
Iksiuty. addivsa Hos William, Knld,
lu due eourseof time thl reply came
"Pear .Mr. llllnni-l-'rom the unlet
precinct of my boudoir I write thee. I
am lonely, too, and have often longed
lo itilt city llfetid go W osU here the
tall wild grasM sways lu the wlml If
IWtcutug to the KWtvt aoiii of the
chinch bug. After chopping wood to
kindle the kitchen lite, and after the
tire wa ready for buslm ami the
pan was sltxllng In (lie uparkllng fat, I
w as alNOit to break an vgg Into the pan,
w hen, U'hold! your incKNig tntvta my
gaxe. It seemed like a ilreain of a kwt,
unknow n love. I am comely, but not
fair. Age, 't, no money, but pJeirty of
grit. Let u exchange photograph. It
may ail end In anotln'r Aimvlcan
union, long to be pnmrved Methliik
1 know you now.
KurthiT compoiHlctM-e niul(ed, ami
a few doya later the young people were
marrUMl.-New York Herakl.
In hazardou, but
I can conceive of
no greater rlk
than wa taken
by that aame
an." Judge Watson
waa apeakiug of
a smiling, ele
lady, whom he
had Just bowed
out of hla olll'e
and to ber car
look to me tike
one who had gouo through many aev
ere trial lu life.
"1 am thinking of the chance ahe
took, ami what might have been. The
atory I worth listening to, although,
perhaps, 1 will tell It badly
Let's have It by all means," I aatd.
"Very well." answered the Judge;
"take a cigar, and, while we are amok-
lug. 1 will try to tell you the story.
"I he ludy who Just left baa a twill
alster, w ho I how abroad. Wheu they
were girl together It wa Impossible
lo tell them apnrt, and when they grew
lo young womanhood they were literal
ly a much alike a two pea, and their
mother wa the only one nalde from
themselves that could tell which waa
w hich, when they were abroad In the
auiiie attire. They Used to pluy lota of
Joke on l he young men, for, being ho
much alike, thl wa easy to do. They
were pretty girl, ami had acore of
young beans, ready ami willing to have
all sorts of prank played upon thetn.
for Just the nke of their company.
"Howard (ileason wa especially at
tentive lo Maud, and he admit that
he sometimes made (lie mktake of em
bracing the wrong sister when he hap
pened to meet her suddenly in a or
"The father, old Mr. Wardlow, wa
rich ami proud, and only knew that
Howard lileasou wa conning one of
hi daughters. Now- Howard wa not
blessed Willi thl world' good, and
old mail Wardlow was ambition for
hi daughters; so he very promptly I
sued an ultimatum. The young man
could have neither of the daughter
until he had tolled. Soini-llme he felt
tempted to break hi pledged word
ami write to the girl, Imploring her to
send him a few word, If only enough
to tell him that she wa still faithful.
And then hi pride would come to hi
rescue, and he would ay to himself:
'No, I will not write; If she can't lie
faithful to me, belter I should know
It now than when it la too late.' So
he workisl, and tolled, cheered alwava
by the belief that n fair, aweet girl was
waiting to welcome him home, ami
counting the hour Jiwt a he wa do
"l.tick wa with the young man, ami
In Utile more than a year he and hla
partner 'struck It rich,' nnd he wa
half ow ner of a mine that promised to
become one of the richest In that coun
try. Then he determined to go back
homo and tell the girl of hi heart of
hi good fortune, lie would be his own
messenger lu currying the glad news,
ao without n word he put hla Ihlnn
together and started cast
"Of course, having had no correspon
dence w llh any one lu the tow n, no one
wa aware of Howard' gotnl fortune
and w hen he arrived at hla ohl home
he came unheralded. He took onlv
Mtitllcleiit time to brush up a bit, anil
then he started for Mr. Wardlow'.
Arrived ill the house he knew mi well,
and I li" afternoon Mug warm, he
found nobody about, save the old gar
dener, who wa looking after his flow
er. "'Where I your mistress?' Howard
"The old man hesitated.
"'Can't you, understand Kngllsh?1
Howard said .Impatiently. 'Where la
your young mistress?'
'She' ahe'a- lu the grove, air
a readtn, said the old niau, bowlmr
obsequiously, and without more ado
Howard went to seek her. You can
perhaps Imagine the meeting. He
catne suddenly upon a fair young crea
ture swinging in her hammock under
the tree and reading. Coming up
quietly behind her he flung his arms
alsuil her and caught her to hla heart,
a he covered her face with klc.
" Then he held her off at arm' length
" 'Maud, my darling?
"While she answered 'Howard" and
lint tier face on his breast
believed that ber daughter"! happlneM
depended upon It. Mr. Wardlow ron
aented to tho plot. When they return
ed from tbelr wedding tour Howard !
life told him everything. H' ,,'n
alblo fellow and waa quick to e thut
what bad happem-d wa all for hla
"Five year have gone by and to thl
day he has never quit 'tliauk'ng hi
alara' that be didn't marry Maud, but
married t he other one."'
MONARCH OF ENGLANO.
la tba Legitimate eoiereln.
In France and In Spain the legitimist
la taken seriously, lo Kngland, accord
ing to the man In the street, and ac
cording to other !n high place, the
Wcltlmlwt I almply an Idiot who I not
worth further consideration. Yet
among Kngllsh legitimist are many
men of whose sanity there can lc no
question, whose Integrity 1 beyond
dUpute, and whose loyalty to Queen
Victoria la unimpeachable.
In the flnt nlace. perlmp. It may
he suggested that the Use of the Word
"JAVoblte" In connection with legitim
ism In thla country I not very happy.
It Is employed bocaii of the histori
cal association which appeal no
ilrongly to the Kngllsh a a nation.
Ilut It doea not necessarily Imply, a I
too commonly suppoMsl, that the b-glt-ImlirtH
In thl country aim aolely at the
lertoratlon of the home of Stuart. Hut
for the iiectillar local association of
the term "Jacobite.' the legitimist In
KiWCland might with more propriety
ntyle himself a Curllat, and thereby
Identify himself more closely with h!
brother In France or Spain. The iiolnt,
which In fa! nut ought not to 1m; lost
ftlgtit of. Is that the Jacobite I simply
nn Englishman who professes the
faith of legitimism; a member, It
might be otherwise expreed, of the
Knl!li brunch of a catholic or uni
Social systems may and do ex!t
where the monarchical principle la ac
cepted, but where the sovereign I ac
cepted. Social system limy and do
exist where the principle of primo
geniture I accepted, but where the
monarchical principle la rejected ulio
ge'tber. Hut a social ayatem where
the monarchical principle and the prln--tple
of primogeniture are both accept
i d, but w here the sovereign la yet not
the one entitled by the laws of primo
geniture to wrtipy the throne, la an
anomaly the Judication of which
must Is- sought outside logical reason.
From this iisie-t the legitimist lu Kn
gland npis'iir more sane than they
who mil him mad. The law of gavel
kind and the law "rcgnlatln?" the sue
(cnmIoii to the throne are the only two
exceptions to the rule by which the
eldest son succeeds hla father, and fall
ing Issue, the succession 1 vested tn
the elder female line. Question of fact
only are Involved, and fortunately
the are plain enough. Ity the law of
primogeniture the sovereign of thene
lealms should be Mary the Fourth
nnd Third, nee Mary Theresa Henri
etta Iorotliea, Archduclu. of Austria-
Kste-Modena, and wife of hi royal
highness I'rlnce I.oula of llavarla. Of
her genealogical right to the throne as
representative of the senior female
line of the royal house of Stuart, the
male line having Is-cotiie extliw-t on
the death of the Cardinal King Henry
IX., there Is no dispute. The facta are
Mated every year lu "Whltakcr'a Al
manack" for all who run to rend. The
Hanoverian dynasty, being derived
from a daughter of James I., hu no
right to the throne until the whole
Issue of Charles 1. Is exhausted, w hich
s not yet the case-Nineteenth Ceil
J.o.t.ofaai Enall.b Workhoo..T)le.
- from Overeating.
Every free-born Kngllkhman cornea
world wl... the iMlto-Wj
right to a eat ai in ia"- - -
IP the Pla1l Kngllsh workhouse,
bo. Iccd my g.-sj fortune during
i...,.iui.. ,-sr.sr now close
nd twenty year to visit ami ib-cribe
for varloii publication over on" hun
dred Hrltish cltlc and town. In near
ly every cae attention ha Is-eii calim
to the handsome buildings set apart
for the pauper, or. In colloquial I.nK
l!h, "the 'oue." Hack In the good old
dava of Queen Kllwiln-th the principle
waa made a law that no Kngllal; man
r u-omnii should starve, and that, If
unable to secure a living for them
elvc. the poor and the Indigent ami
the Incapable must I cared f-r by
the atate. So firmly ha th M" "lk""
sNeHon of the English mind that
the poorer class, the old, and even those
In the prime of life, talk with com
plaisance of ending their day in "the
oiise." They ..k um It very much
aa our old icople might regard going
SUPfOSE Wf5 SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
l'leaaant Ipcldaa Occurring lh
orld Ovti-eavlnga that Ar Cheer
ful to Old or lfogdg-Fon feUc
linn, that Everj-body Will Kojoj.
How Ml Snllley mint hat that
old lover of hera who went lo tho Klon
"She sent hltn aa a ChrWma preaent
the mi they had at the hotel where
the took dinner."
A Sad Ce.
Arihur-I can see now that Ml Id
wood d n't care for me or respect me.
Ilany-Whnt haa ahe doiio to make
you think so?
Arthur-Have me a cigareiie-umc.
for n Chrlstmaa present.
Whr do loll think Mingle wouiu
la the Bin Oraaa K.Z
Flrat CoIonelHT, y
Second Colonel-No; wha, .
First Colonel-Our obi tJ
Fuller baa quit drinking. Vl
Keeond ColoneDo you m,.,.
Flrat Colonel-Yea. I'ohIu,! . bg"
Second Colonel I iP00( Uft-
bear that. When doc. the fUnT7.
.Mr. Wabuslt-Who 1 your f
writer, Mra. Ogden? r"0rf!
Mra. Ogdon-My husband
Mm. Wntmsli-Your husband
what did bo ever write?
Another I rather.
to a borne for invalid or ine om. ..., - i,.,,,,,,!,? lie's aa deaf
inded. In many of the K..gllh work- f make a gmxl alderman? IK a
Twelve million silk lints are annually
made. In the Culled Kingdom, worth
five million pounds.
Hussiii possesses at least one luxury,
In a breed of dogs which are said to bo
naturally qcltc unable lo hark.
I.lsxfs great skill with the piano waa
n part due to his Immense Industry.
For years he practiced ten hour a day.
The highest masts of sailing vessels
arj rrom Hki to Imi feet high, and
rprcud from tm.iKni lo luti.OOO squur
feel of canvas.
It costs $5.74 per million gallons to
pump water to Chestnut Hill Keser
voir. The engines pump N.8 gallons
on one pound of coal.
The Sudbury Klver aqueduct In .loll
days ha delivered H.S'.7,;tno,mH gal
lon to Chestnut 1I!I Keoervolr. and
35.5iHl.tHiO to Lake Cochltuute.
lu licneva, Swilxerland. many build
ing have been titled with electric let
ter Ikixcs which ascend and ileacend
aulomatlcully lu a shaft and deliver
the letters destined for each storv.
There Is much trouble and coulllct lu
the South over the proposition to nut
cotton up In round bales. NoUmIy I
exactly clear na to the result. Several
round bale comprise have Isvn built.
There are 11M bridges In the citv ,.f
Hoston. The city owus and muiii.
tains sixty four of this number. The
railroad. support thirty three. Hesldes
these there are als eighteen bridge
which begin lu Hoslon, but end lu some
other city or town.
house they are cared for a well a In
audi Institution a our oin lame
home, etc. The other week, when In
Hldeford. I wa taken to the work
hoiwe, nltuate.1 on a I utlful hill over
looking the broad river and f anion
bridge. For the moment I could hardly
believe my eyes. It likod for all the
world like a Japanese ilace. It wa
built tuin-h aa they build In Japan,
with plaster between the massive wisil
en Iniiiiis, pointed gable roof, old fash-
I lomsl casement window, vines spread
ing their beautiful gris-ti lemirll in
nil direction, and In front a large vari
ety of dark shrubs and Just such stunt
ed shrubs a one see In Japan odd
khaied and picturesque. And here the
poor of Hldeford cat, drink and are
Quite a number of cae of death
from overfeeding In the Hldeford work
bouse occurred during my amy lu Eng
land, and the Hackney coroner held
luquesta on no lex than three ease
within a short time. Oliver Twist la
evidently a back number nowaday,
for at the coroner' Inquiry Into tho
death of the latest victim of parochial
kindness, a man To year of age, who
bad lived In the Hethnal iroeii work
house and net is! l assistant librarian,
the following dialogue ensued between
the coroner and an Inmate of the work
house: Merry paiiicr Thursday afternoon
while we were having tia I saw the do
ceased, he wa cutting some bread and
butter, suddenly fall backward oiT tin:
bench ou which he wa lttlug.
The coroner You don't think the ex
ertion of cutting bread and butter killed
Merry pauper No, not likely. He had
cut up n lot before that.
The coroner -They give yon plenty to
Merry pauper Aye, they do that.
The doctor w ho wa called In lo see
the deceased testltled that death wm
due to M,vncoM, produce! by an over
The coroner-One may say that he
wa klll.il by kindness?
The doctor- It may or mav not be
kindness to overload n man's stomach.
Th vroner-Well, It show he did
Pot go short of food.
The doctor-Short! Ity no mean.
Why, they have nothing !o do liu' eat,
drink ami sleep.
The Jury returned a verdict that ,e
ceasisl died from snyeope, the resuit
of nn overloaded stonim-h. .in. I that
such death was due lo natural cause.
.Vd a rhc Jury gave the decision .1
deep sepulchral voice In the back of
the court room remarked:
"What a glorious death!"
The owner of the voice was u tall,
gaunt, hungry looking Individual, who
had evidently mentally decided that
"the "oiise" wa not a bail place to end
one's days.-New York Mall and Express.
m n Host
Thin' the very reaon why be
n.,,ii.i iu a safe mini. Your briber
never put a projioNltloti lu black and
An Active Member.
"What make you look ao bluer
"I Joined the 'Don't Worry Society
"I'm a bit anxious lo know where
the money for Initiation fee and dues
1 to come froiu."-I'hlladelphla North
Keltirnlnar the Compliment.
Mr. Jagg (time 'i a. in.) Full again,
are you? Oh. what a big fool 1 waa lo
ever marry such a brute.
Jaggs iiUstlgurcd but Mill In ID
Khar, tn'dcar, don't thiol think f'r mln-
Willie (after nuillinr
flT),tip,i ir,,i. "'Pou
Futher-Why do you ask trkh
WIllle-'CauHe yon said he haJdort.
In bis head.-Snn Francisco Cbronldt
Horn, Not Made.
Uhymer-Itoyoti think I II evwo,j.
a name aa a poet?
Spneer-Posslbly; If you f0ow .
Ithymer Whnt'a that?
Spacer You must be born agnlj,
A Shrewd Observer.
"No," said the capitalist. "I'm
elded uot to Invest any money Injo
uoiicy line, loir ooogg show
- I T W J r A- I
Jack -Who's your friend?
Oscar Friend! That Isn't a friend.
That's my wife. Chicago Inter 0m
ute you're ihlcl only fool 'n plashe
lotsh bigger fool 'u you thiol; I wash
bigger fool myshelf f'r thiol not let tin
you b'comc 'u ol' maid.
Smith I in you believe In Christian
science as a faith cure?
Jones-Cerlalnly; the Hible Just Hies
Smith-1 iocs It really?
Jones-Yes; It says, "To die Is gain."
Cheap to Hun Trolley Cur
The cost of running a trolley ear a
mile Is found to vary greatlv In nllTer-
ent placi. A KiMoklyn company nets
the best rult, running a ear one mile
for fxl-HH) cent. A Hlnghampton eom
ny doc It for IM Uni cent. Cheap
coal and sound engineering seem to
explain the low cost In these place.
The annual rc.rts of the railroad com.
mlsslonors of New York and Massachu
setts show that usually the cost Is much
higher. Of the live companies opera
ting over r.,iH.v,iKKl ear mll.-st p,.r ymr
oneotitalns its H.vor at less Mian 1 cent
a car mile; three between 1 and 2 cents,
and one Ix-tween 1' and ,'t cents, or ui
companies operating less than i.tNHt
car mile ht annum four obtained their
power at less than 2 cent per car mile
under average conditions of load, track,
etc., six lietwoen " and !l cents, live lie
twecn !1 and 4 cents, one betw ecu 4 ami
5 cents and three at more than 5 cents.
Conditions vary greatly so Unit a sep
arate estimate of all Item of cost must
be made for each bxulltr.
Timklns Those Kentucky colonel
are evidently modeled after the ancient
Tlmkins The Spartans, you know,
were never known to "take water."
"lis." said le.uber, "1 am firmly I
weuiiei to my art.
" ell." replied his friend, "Art might
get a divorce on the grounds of Incom
No Cow to Annoy.
profit, I know, but I am cootImI
that It isn't the best paying 11m i
"May I ask what led you to this Of ll
Ion?" said the president of ttie cos-
"I have just been looking at tomti
your cars, and I find that the ttp
inside are almost as good as new.'
Had an Answer Iteadr.
Hy bis ready wit under adverse cir
cumstance a Western Senator reovnt
ly prov.nl himself a modern Cliester
tleld. Although he rides a wheel, he Is
not yet au expert. Heoemly he wa
wheeling lu Washington throiiL-h th
agricultural grounds, when he met a
man and two women whom he kn.w
How ard had waited slitllclcntly long l,r"Icrtly. the Senator raised one
The flag carried by Cortes, the Span
Ish conqueror of Mexico, nearly 4il
years ago, waa until recently preserved
at a little church la th capital of the
but of TUxcaU.
for bis wife, and so thev were iiii.ri.
marrlctl the next day and left at once
on their wedding tour."
Here the Judge ceased his story and
sat silent, putting at his cigar, so long
that the oilier said:
"Well, I don't see anything so very
'risky' lu that."
The Judge smiled, and then went on:
"Walt, It was the "other one' that
Howard had married. Maud had suc
cumlicri to the charm of a foreigner,
hail married i nd gone away with him.
The 'other one' loved Howard, had al
ways loved hlin. When she found, too.
that he had not the slightest notion of
the true condition of affair, she con
ceived the Idea of marrying blm her
self, and explaining to him afterward, j
After much coaxing, ad becauM b .
hand from tils wheel to lift his hat. and
the next minute he had tumbled Into
a Wd of flower. "You did that very
graceful, Senator," was the comuieu't
of the trio of bicyclers. "I always ill
mount In the presence of ladle," in
stantly replied the Senator.
Learnlnic In Tex.
New pedagogue tfresb from the Eit)
-I know exactly what you want, gen
tlomeu. You do not wish a lot of In
consequential facts crammed Into the
children head. You want me to
tea cli the young Idea how to shoot.
Iroldent of the school board (enthu-slatbnllyv-'rhafs
A Homing I'osiolltce.
The smallest, simplest and lest pro
teotod iswtotllce In the world Is In the
Strait of Magellan, and ha been
there for many year. It consists of a
small painted keg or cask, and I
chained to the rock of the extreme
cape In a manner so that It floats free
opi-wlte Terra del Fn. go. Each pass!
-,,. who a iMiat to take I
om aim put others In. This
postothw Is unprovided with
master, and Is. therefore,
,.oo oi uu uie navies of the
world. Never lu the hlsto-y of ta.
unique "olliee" have It prlvile.-es ivo-i
The l.utc.t l'rmlluil pon.
The latest prHgal son wrote home
a follow s;
rainer. i am comins ,n,
Hut the wise father answered-
"You're a liar. John, an' you know it
Von re conilu' home for nionev a t
"ir, we can t vo to .....
i,.,.. i..... . .
.....-, uu in next summer. The cows
... i.n. i uie iKiny.
ll.-Suppose we summer at our milk
man s place ?-Clevelaud Lender.
You Get Three Gue.-e.
I saw a iiiiiii oiu-e kiss a girl
When on a dmnken spree'
Now w hich of us was drunk
Ihe nmn-the girl-iir nie?
c""e and Effect.
nov .o eVsJ' nU"leal,y"T little
o.'lgg-.t la the result of his absence
"""ner toiu n mi, so I hid to
mm s i hi,,. ' ' to
v W.,er'n They niffer.
V, sir, said the rakl.l .. . .
An Arlinn .! : tllO Mma that ti... .
Touris.-w.,, : 1 . ,..,:, for
" """ -"wn over the 1 " " '"lereu my head,
Natlve-That's our string band
't I MHHMsMf
Native-Yes; Kolng over tl,.. I .:. . Fr,'nd" Advice.
lynch horse thief.
... .., ur uoesn t u-o round hnu i
inif i .nil i - - " '
Every one's favorlt adjective, which
be secretly enjoys mot wben applied . h is to get Oftv
to himself, U "prominent" uoucy. '
. i 11 uow s atuui i .i
. ' " 1 dollar, in 1(rom
uggea, tha, ;oJZ:
Vhywr.sked the poet,
"lu feet need attiUoa.-
At th Breakfast Table.
"I attended the tlwater last nljlit'
ild the dry good clerk, "and the pi;
waa out of sight."
"What was the nature of It?" M
the little blonde stenographer.
"It was a melodrama," am-weredtbi
yardstick manipulator, "aud the U
scene la quite renllatlo. Just as two bur
glara crawl In at the kitchen wltxloi
tlie clock strikes 1, nnd "
"I'urdon ine for Interrupting jon."
said the athletic boarder, "but wblrt
one did the clock strike?"
Ella Poor Maude Is penniless, tbfl
Haltle-Ycs; Isn't It a shame? H
face was her fortune, and shegsttll
away when she began to use paint
He Wn Forewarned.
Mrs. Wwlerly-Why Is It that y
never eat any of my biscuit? My W
huslvand usikI to eat three or four
them every morning.
Wederly Well, you should be tH
kst verson In the world to speak o.l
Mrs. Wederly Why so?
Wederly Why so? Have you fotfK 'l
ten that your Orst husband died of
It Seem IMauslble.
She I wonder why a little PP
caused Adam's downfall?
He (walling a recent experienc1-'
suppose the Ixinnna peel hadn't b"1
"Yaws," said young Softlelgh, "
ItiNtwuetor tells me that I have a '
duhful enr for music, doiicher kuos.
"So has a mule," replied Miss Cutting,
but be husu't enough to understaw
Sawdust and shavings are not the
dustrlal outcaata as usually beue"
They have been turmnl to account
making a finely powdered vegetsi"
chan)al, exoolleut as a flit11"
miHllum. Hawduat Is now mixed "'u
mortar. In the place of hair. In '
mllb. bv a sflrie of automatic tn
and Hues, the sawdust Is carried to
other building aud fed to the engine
fuel. Sawdust Is converted Into
lie acld-thls method of making
chemical having by Ita choapne
rapidity dlspluced every other memo
The sawdust of hard woods, suco
rosewooil, ebony, etc., Is by i'tt0'.
Invention reduced to a powder,
mlxetl with blood Into a p"- Z
other materials are added and f i
preseed Into moulda, where It rece!,v
leautlful medallion Impression.
Willie - Pa, what are
Pa Those that vonr motbiT Ue".
try to sin. But don't ay nyinB
ber about It. WlUle.
f L Iuls boasta of the champion l
man. II went to work and
ly to atop.