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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 1, 1898)
V A MIRACLE OF ftuiitliiy after Sunday tho same tl.'- mure II""' cremnri' sin hi i mo mm pew t,t. right-hand sldo of the center title l t. Matthias' Church, mid Sun day after Sunday tliu young minister IB Cllil !(.' looked llolVII OVIT III COIIgrc- nlloll nliil caught Hit) wistful look uf pair uf dark-brow u eye that was folriuii Jiul pathetic lit once. Before In"' i'111''1' f "1L' recessional hud igrd to vibrate on t lie car uf the Inivlliiu worshipers tin- llltlt' creature tad each llmi' made ltt-r wny out of the church unnoticed. After awhile Uev. ,'jhu lliimshaw, who was six mid twenty, uinl Impressionable nt that, be f.W lu feel tlie llltlueliee of that bclllgtl c.irrsluU, 'I "'I of those solemn (talk fy,.K, mill decided to speak with tint ft If an opportunity presented Itself, mid the ( 11 ii 1 1 - did ediiie one Fri day nitwit n n mii I ntM day when there a fl special service at tho church In the evening. jjhe hail oevpr been Into tin church before except on Sunday, nnd what it lilt surprlso mill pleiiHiiro when the young minister lifted his eye that rV'-t a nd saw thu face that was lie fluilng to Intercut him sitting before lilm quite near the front. Hilling the singing of n hymn he Approached her r.nd nsked her to remain after the service, ns he wished to say n few words to her. She did not reply, ex cept with a unite appeal In her splendid dark eyes, lie mistook her silence fur embarrassment nnd returned to lilt place at the lectern. At the close of the Kcrvlcc lie hurried to the side of the girl, whu was Just In the net of leaving her pew, nnd spoke n few words to her. He was Inviting her. In that calm, de liberate way that characterized lilm, to conic to church often, to consult lilm, to liccoiiip a regular worshiper nt the (liurch; hut as he talked In low, per suasive tones, nnd no response came from the girl, lie begun to wonder nt bet extreme hashfiilucss, nnd when she began to shake her head, to make rapid signs with her deft tinkers. In n In stant he realized that the appealing eyes that followed hlin In his dreams ami In his waking niomeuts, nnd the pretty hut sad face, were those of n deaf mute, and so swift and sudden was the surprise that swept over him, that lie could have cried out In his anguish. A chill came over his heart, liut only for an Instant, nnd In the next he communicated ns best he could by nods nnd smiles and expression that he understood her nnd was sorry for her. He tried to make her understand that be would like her to continue to come to church nnd be n good Christian, but whether she comprehended lilm or not be did not know, fie walked to the door with her, nnd ns she went slowly down the stone steps he nodded n plensnnt good-night ns she looked back. When he wns alone that night the young preacher pave way to his emo tion. He realized that he wns deeply In love with the little being who had never spoken n word to lilm. and "whom he uolc knew would never speak to lilm. He should never know that sound of her voice, which In his fancy was low and soft nnd musical. And now, on! tVV 8P0KK A FKW WOIIOS TO II K It. True there were other girls In the par ish who would Kindly accept lilm If he would make the offer, but he did not p've one of them as he now realized that he loved this girl who had occu pied that rear seat In the church Sun lay nfter Sunday, always attired lu a neat black dress, a bit of soft white lace falling over her collar and setting off her pretty throat. She might be IS or '.mi, he thought, nnd wns Just tall enough. He hnd noticed that she enme tc his shoulder ns he walked down the nlsle with her that night. Her hands were so pretty, too, when she made a few hurried signs, and he should never he able to hold them between his two large palms. At last sleep pulled the curtain be fore these precious, yet bitter, thoughts nd Uev. Mr. (irlmshnw fell Into a deep dumber, and drenmed that he was sail ing the sen with this beautiful girl, that he held her In his arm? that he called lier "Ituth." When he awoke It was with the bitterest disappointment, for he was nlone, nnd the bright sun wns streaming full upon his face. He re membered that the King's Haughters of the arlsh were to enjoy an excur sion down the Imy that day, and ns he I'ftd many little affairs of Importance ' attend to before 2 o'clock, the hour f sailing, he busied himself about them, saying the name Ruth softly to himself in the meanwhile, nnd wonder I'ie If her nnme were really Ruth. The excursion steamer wns In wait ing nt the dock, nnd one by one the young girls stepped aboard, each smil ing her sweetest ns she noticed the young minister standing on the wharf. He returned their salutations with a "crlous countenance, nnd with dignity ' slightly lifted his hat; but his eyes t ere strained to the little uarrow street Wund, watching nnd waiting for her. ! hoping, yet not knowing, that the oiiM come. It wanted one minute of : the hour, and anxious ones alsard the little excursion steamer were cnlllng to ' Mr. (irlmshnw to come nlard and not et left. If he heard he heeded not, and j )w a be wai about to give 'ij hope of ! TP, li ii ; , IJ. i t. I . i ,u r-rr. is. i i. Ml 't THE STORM. ber coining, Just hh they were almut to pull In the gangplank, a slight limine In a neat lilting black dress with white lace ut the throat mid a small black hat sit tiMiu a shapely Utile head crowucd with a wealth of chestnut-brown hair, nppronched the wharf. Culling to thu sailors to wait a moment, John (irlm shaw sprain; forward nnd, taking tho Kir! by the arm. forgetful that she could not hear a word he said, explained to her that she was late and must hurry to get aboard In time. She only smiled and turned her wistful eyes full upon him, nnd his heart swelled with a feel lug undeilnnblc, for he thought that he perceived love 111 her looks. It would occupy nu hour nnd a half to reach their destination, and he took UK KM'I.AI.Mlll THAT SDK WA4 I.ATF. her under his special charge. It was a merry crowd. It was Jolllcst In the stern of the boat, where people were packed like sardines on the deck seats and on camp stools. John (irlmshaw and the mute little creature he loved were silting together. Their arms touched as they leaned on the railing and looked out upon the water the yachts, the smacks, the sailing vessels, the row boats that passed mid repassed them. Suddenly he felt what seemed to be the spray against his face. An other Instant, and without warning, big drops of rain began to fall nnd an ominous black cloud covered the blue of the sky. Sheets of water rained and blew from the northeast. Big green waves that afterward became yeasty lashed themselves angrily lualust the sides of the little steamer that rolled and pitched In Its efforts to upright It self against their fury. Thunder rolled and blinding and zigzag strniks of lightning played across the sky. The lu in poured lu torrents and swept over the deck, welting everything In Its path, nud driving the now thoroughly frightened people to the opposite side of the boat, which, with Its uneven weight, leaned and tipped In that direc tion. Water rushed In upon the lower deck. The captain shouted: "Some of you go to the other side of the boat. Kon't all rush to one side, or you will l-.ave us overboard." The women be came excited, and a general rush to the cabin began, until the order was given that no more should come down Into the cabin. Women grew frantic, chil dren cried and those tilled with bravado laughed at the almost calamity. Young men who tried to be funny put on life preservers and walked about exhibiting themselves, announcing: "The boat will sink In fifteen minutes; get your life preservers." Hut a warning look from the minister soon quieted them. The fury of the tempest In the mean time never abated. The steamer was shrouded In a mist of wind and ruin, and the erstwhile Jolly crowd was now i panic-stricken one. Lunch baskets and boxes that were carefully placed under the seats were saturated with salt water. Meanwhile the young minister had laid a tlrin grasp upon the girl's arm, nnd half lifted, half dragged her to u pnssagewny leading to the cabin, that was Inclosed by glass windows and doors, and thus protected her from the rain. She did not seem to comprehend the extent of her danger, and looked on at the movements of the panle-sirlcken crowd like some curious, wild eyed child. Mr. (Irlmshaw was white to the lips, and as he llfti-d his eyes to heaven, one could see that his lips were moving In prayer. He prayed that the fuy uf the wind and waves might be abated, that lives should not be lost, that the boat should anchor lu safety, nnd "Oh, Lord," he prayed, "If It be Thy will that we sink to a watery gtave.let her speak to me once, let me hear her voice Just once upon earth, ns lu hen veil I shall hear It as she Kings with the angel choir." The sky became Inky black. Nothing could be discerned on the open deck but the terrific sheets and gusts of rain, made gray by the blackness. .lust then tho heavens seemed to open, and a SIIK MO SOT SI'.F.M TO COM I'll I 11 KN P, blinding flash of lightning played nnd capered across the boat: u deafening peal of thunder, like the bursting of n thousand cannon, seemed to shake the wry waters of the deep, nnd to echo and re-echo ncross the boundless waste. It was terrlilc, and people clapped their hands to their ears, and white faces be came blanched. A sharp, shrill piercing iicrcn in i""se above It all. A scream of agonized fenr. It came from the deaf mute, who swayed for a moment, and would have fallen had not her ever watchful companion caught ber and upported her In tils armi. What hnd cuused her to creaiuT Fright, per Laps, he thought, ns she wltnes-ed the battle of the elements. Surely she had not heard that thunderbolt HH It hurled It-elf from on high. I'shawl Was she not deaf, and how could she hear? It made him almost iiid to know that she had becu spared that peal that en used many a heart to maud still for an In- ktllllt. He held her fast In his arms and softly spoke the nan Ruth." She lifted those eyes with a gh e as sweet an an angel's. Her heart fluttered. She smiled with a smile of recognition, ns If she hnd heard. Intuitively he felt that she had heard his voice. He had read once of such a uilrnele that a volley of thunder so dense nnd so terrific ns to ilea fen a person of ordinary hearing hnd In some miraculous nnd divine way restored tho henrlng of a man who had been deaf from birth. And, perhaps, this precious gift hnd been restored to the girl he loved. lie spoke once more the name he had spoken In his dreams, nnd she nave s'.'ii that she heard. It wns too true. It was a uilrnele of the storm, nud he Uiwed his head and thanked Cod. If he could but hear her voice. Hut that Inestimable pleasure was to be de nied him. And yet his dream was com ing true, for he drenmed that he sailed the sea with her lu his arms, and was she not tiow In his a rum? O, gentle dreams! (), destiny! It wns not long before the storm ceased as suddenly as It mine, and the heavy black clouds receded, and the blue In the sky wns ns bright ns when they started out. The little steamer rut plucklly through the water, nnd In half mi hour the party, now In excellent spirits, had reached the cool, shady grove. The miracle wrought during the storm was the talk of the day. and not less talked ulxiut was the devotion of the minister to the happy unfortunate who knew now that she loved lilm, and, with an unfathomable Intuition given to creatures like herself, knew, also, that John (irlmshaw loved her. He did not love her less been use she could not speak, else the bans would not have been published, nnd the tnarrlau'c that tisik place nt St. Matthias' Church, six mo'iths after, would never have oc curred. She never spoke to lilm with her voice, but her eyes nnd her Hps nnd her hands spoke to hi m always, and Sunday nfter Sunday ns he looked rver his congregation, the same little figure, with a face of sweetness rather '.linn sadness, looks up Into his eyes. Intelli gently, nnd henrs the blessed words ns they fall from his lips. Lllllnn Lewis. KISSING THE HOLY BIBLE. Orlicln of Hie Custom I'rcvuli'iit lu Court la mvulvi'd lu Mystery. It Is generally assumed that "kissing the book" Is, or ut any rate was until recently, a necessary part of the legal ceremony uf oath taking. This assump tion is, however, probably not JusiitUd. It would appear that the most aucleiil form of swearing lu the Christian church wns to lay the hand upon the llospcls and say, "So help me (iod and these holy (Jospels." This seems to have becu the usual ceremony accom panying a Judicial oath mull, ut all events, the end of the sixteenth cen tury, for Lord Coke says: "It Is called a corporal oath because he ithe wit ness! toiicheth with his hand some part of the Holy Scriptures." Coke says not one word about kissing the book. When the practice of kissing the book begun Is, says the Law Journal, unde termined. It has been stateil that this form was first prescribed as part of the ceremony of taking the oaths of alle giance and supremacy. It Is Interest ing and may be slgulllcntit to note that Shakspenre only once alludes to the practice of kissing the lxiok. and on that occasion turns It Into ridicule. Whatever the origin of the practice, there can be no doubt that kissing the book was the ceremony that usually ac companied the taking of an oath In an Kugllsh court of Justice In the seven teenth century. Hut In Hi." there oc curred a ease which Is of some Import nnce. It nppenrs that on a Jury trail Mr. Owen, vice chancellor of Oxford Fill verslty, being called as n witness, re fused to be sworn In the usual way, by Irving his right hand on the book and nfterwnrd kissing It, but he caused the book to be held open before him and he raised his right hand. The Jury, doubting what credit they ought to give to his oath, the matter was re ferred to the chief Justice, who ruled that Or. Owen "had taken ns good an oath ns any other witness." And then the chief Justice added an oKservatlon which In "Cowper's Reports," In "Mac nally on F.vldeneo" and elsewhere Is misquoted ns follows: "If I were to lie sworn I would kiss the lunik." Now, Hint Is not nt all what the chief Jus tice snld. The words In Sldertln's re port nre these: II (lit si II fult destre Jure II vollt deponer sa main dexter sur le liver iiiesme. Thus the chief Jus tice says not one word about kissing the book-Full Mall Cazctte. A Peculiar Funeral. A funeral without n corpse wns tho fiicer spectacle which the people of Williamsburg. N. Y., witnessed recent ly. The way It came to occur was this: Henry MUthnek, n resident of that town, sent his wife to (icrmnny for her health, nnd on Sunday received a cable message to the effect that she wns ibiul and that she would Is- burled on Tin day. Of course her husband could not get ncross the ocean In time for tlie funeral, so he resolved to have a coii teinMirnry funeral In Williamsburg, minus the corpse. An undertaker was engaged, who arranged for the affair In the usual manner. Announcements were put In the papers and friends of the family notified. At the a i x ! 11 1 .- I hour the house was tilled with mourn ers, nnd the minister preaclosl a funer al sermon. Kvery detail was carried out the same as If It were nn ordinary funeral, until It came to going to the cemetery, and there, of course, it had to stop. First Principle. Zercgn Ho you know, I once saw .1 lolored ghost? riaze--Nonsense! How could joii tell It wns a colored ghist' Zercgn It was chasing nfter a chl-k-en. Hrooklyu Kngle. old maids were born In the wrong time of the moon. There was no inao In It. Some girls K't married Just to b t other know that they cn. HOMEOPATHIC HOSPITAL f I n y-c-r ..rr7T-'i !-ipdJ"JJ 1 1' fev-'" The lio'in .,uiihii' hospital Hhii li (lie t il!. ii of Sail TraiH'im-n uie lo build is do tiiMii'd to be one of (he linesl iol II III ioio. of it km. I on the i-uiiliiieiit nt North Auii-r-l'-a. Th I'uivi-rsily of California havnu n fiixsl lo iio holi- die hoiuiipaili in tlie ntllisl colti-k'e, the holiicopsllio mid (heir frieihls m'I to unrk to eel cti-u, Kiel the result will be II llisfliiticeul medical nnd miriiioal liolol, which, il l Imped b the new srhiHil of treatment, will make (he "rcculaiV cn-eii willi envy. The In- titulion has already been endowed by Mrs. I'lnsbe Hearst whli h unrd fur chil dren, and oim of the most prominent citizen In i'alifru!n nre deeply Interested hi the enterprise. COUNT'S WICKED SCHEME. Would I'ulte lsiiroe In u C'oiiiiiutcIuI War on America. Count Agenor Cotiichowskl, the Aus trian Minister of Foreign Affairs who desires to unite L'urope In n coiuiner- 'clal war on the countries of America, has the reputation among Kuropeau j diplomats ami statesmen of being u peaceful man. Ills speech. In which h" .utmost violently advocated a concert of Kurope for Industrial warfare on the l ulled States and the South American j lepubllcs, would be startling were there any possibility of the Count's plan In1 ling put Into practice. The Count Is a man In the prime of life, lie comes j from n family which lias been power ful In Austrian affairs for several gen ' i rations, and he holds one of the three ministerial places within the gift of his country. His only associates of eiiial ! power and rank are the ministers of j war and llnanoe. He has been rcgard i d as one of the most brilliant diplomats In nil the coiip'.rles Immediately con cerned In the troubles over the llalkau States. It was bis ealin, decisive ac tion In the lar'.t engagement between Turkey and (J recce that kept the small provinces lu n state of peace. His word Is law on diplomatic matters covering the uncertain territory between his own country nud the Bosporus, he having served for yenrs ns head of the diplo matic corps nt Bucharest, the capital of Roumanln. It Is to lilm that the na tions have looked for a quiet adjust ment of the Kastern problems. Ills ut terances ngnlnst the crushing competi tion of the transatlantic nations Is looked upon with amazement. He claims nil the countries of Kurope must stand shoulder to shoulder against the encroachments made by the world across the occnii. Ills remarks nre the more serious, when It Is remembered that It Is suspected that he made them with the full consent of the other pow i rs w hich nre trying to hold their own against the commercial activity of the Western world. The Austrian authori ties declare that the Court's warning was more n desire than an expression of a program. The Itioyclo Woman. A cycling magazine broaches the burning question: "Ho men like wo men who cycle?" The magazine de clares It to be n question that Is imi tating both sexes much of late, nud It makes bold to answer: "It nil de pends." There lire tunny sorts of wheelwoiueii -too many sorts, nnluek- lly. There Is the mannish, Inartlstleal I ly garbed Individual III such frequent i evidence, w ho boasts of being among Ithe first women who ever rode the bi cycle, ami whose conversa'lon Is nil of "century runs," nnd the "r irds," and "scorching." Then there Is the silly, weak-minded little specimen of femi ninity who only rides liccnusc her friends do, nnd because It Is the fash loll. Wheelw omen of these two sorts. It Is pretty safe to say, are not ad mired by men, and what Is an even sounder test, neither are they by wo men. I Mil n girl but know It, there Is, nfter nil, no surer test of character than the wny she rides her wl I. Not only the way she rides It, but the way sh regards It, the position to which she relegates It among her other Inter ests and activities. Hlcycllng brings to the surface all sorts of undreamed of possibilities In one's nature. It Is n splendid gauge of personality. Not fast or hard rules can be laid down CHASING THE TO 1 Col NT (lOl.CCIIOWSKI. tap) sPsKlSl "Chasing 'he Feather" ii one of lite merriest of healthful parlor game. A large h.-et or tablecloth la held by the pHrtlHpsnt, who sit on rhnlrs, placed in a circle. A small feather from a ofH cushion Ii Intel usa It. The one who li to catch It unist do so standing. To blow, blow, blow Junt n hard and fnt and furlotii as pomihlc la the Ixnitubn duty of every player. The ou lu whoaa rlelulty the feather I cauaht li elected to do the "chnalug." FOR SAN FRANCISCO. concerning It, of course; but this inncli may Ih said, at least: The girl who behaves well, dresses well, and ride well Is-causo she enjoys the pastime, nud Ihciiusc she Is lu Heel of suitable oiitdiNir exercise may be sure of calling forth respect and admiration wherever she goes. WCMANS EXPRESSION Tlie I'rt-ulliir Hlory II Trll lo Those Who Tukc Time to (Hi.ervc II. The faces of w omen one passes lu the street form a curious story, says the Family lioclor. one woman purses up Per lips, another screws her eyes Into linnatiirallicss, while a third will wrin kle up her forehead and eyebrows until she looks nbsolutely ugly. The trick Is an unconscious one, but Is none the less a trick, ami a bail one. There Is no reason why any woman should look forbidding and bad temper ed Just because she Is annoyed about something. Peep seated trouble has a way of writing Itself upon the fai e whether we will or not. Sickness, loo, has Its haiidw -riling, nud will not be concealed by nit. Hut the frown caus ed by siipcrllelal trouble should not be entertained by the f.-o-e for an Instant. Wu should strive tc. look as pleasant as possible for the sake of others; a correspoiidini; cheerfulness of P-nipcm-uieiit will lii' 1 1 ii I ily result, nnd always to the sweetening of our nature. We cannot afford to go about with gloomy faces. To depress others Is not for us; our work Is to cheer, lo raise Up, to comfort, but we shall never do this unless we cultivate a pleasant de meanor, nnd the cheerful temper In separable from It. This brings us to that question of worry. Can we put It more strongly than to hhj- that It Is a duty to put care, worry, fretfillucss behind one? The habit must be learned, or we shall not "grow straight lu the strength of our spirit, nnd live out our life as the light," as Swinburne so well puis It. "It Is 1 1 lilt-tilt to do that," says someone. We nil know that It Is very hard, but women lire not nfrnld of illfllciiltlcs. The more dllliciilt the light thing Is to tlo, the greater reason for doing It. All we need Is lo make the llrst effort strength will be born which will In crease ut i nch subsequent lltlelnpt, and we shall conquer It 111 the end. Salva tion for women lies in this - not to be overcome ley troubles, but to overcome them. Vegetarians Found llosplt.il. Vegetarianism bus taken a stand In F.ughiiiil which entitles It to respect from coplc who are not entire believ ers lu the doctrine. The restaurants of the vegetarians are clean and they provide a menu of reasonable variety. One of the latest steps In the line of the work has been the founding of a vegetarian hospital, which u writer In the Irfindoil I 'ally Chronicle describe. It wns started lu lS'.'.'i, though little was said about It at the time, ns tlie founders, did not wish to advertise It until they were sure of Its becoming successful. It was to Is' for nonvege taiiaiis, It being understood that vege tarians are never III. Consequently there was some prejudice lo overcome. It was also thought that there might be dllllclilty lu putting ail Invalid ac customed to eating meat suddenly up on 11 vegetable diet. Hut no trouble was found, patients did as well as could be desired, nnd tlie result has been altogether very satisfactory. The hospital authorities believe that the general Increase of cancer Is duo to ex cess In meat eating. line baths and massage treatment, with plenty of fresh nlr, nre Included In the hospital regimen. New York Times. Inform -.lion for Patrons. When patrons of n small laundry In the upper part of the city failed to get their wearing apparel Saturday even ing they found the place closed anil thin note pinned usni the tbsir: "Closed on account of sickness till Monday. I'm not expected to live." Ftlca Observer. Heal Aristocrat lo Touch. "(ieorge met a duke while ho was abroad." "A real duke?" "lie must have been. George loaned lilm $7." Cleveland I'lalli Healer. When a woman tiles Into a passion it's, time for her to have her wings clipped. FEATHER. HUMOR OF THE WEEK STORIES TO'-D DY FUNNY MEN OF THfc PRESS. Odd, Curlou nod l.iiiiulinlile riiuara of IIuiiiuii .Suture lirupliicNlly )' lrurd lr Eminent Word Arli.U of Unr Own Puy-A Hudut-I of I'uii. A Clock lo Order. Visitor- I iiiidersiainl that you have a new phonograph clock which speak the hums Instead of striking them, and for an aluriii It shouts "(let tip!" etc., lu II loud voice. Mr. F.dlsoii- It Is a great success. "Well, I want one. but Instead of shouts 'liet up" etc., In a loud voice, I want It lo yell 'lire!' Murder!' Thieves!" eti'. You see, It's for the ser : vant girl."- New York Weekly. The W roim 'iin. "You nre wasting your time, obi man." mbl Fred to cicorge. "You're com lint; the w rung girl." "No; she's the right girl. I'm nfrnld the trouble Is Hint I Hill the wrong niail.'"-Tld Hits. Never Slept u Wink. The Minister-How did you like my sermon last Sunday? (lea 1 I'arker tnbseiitlyl- It wns ex cellent. I sat where my glance met those of the Widow iHirkln every time 1 looked lip. Unite llltfh hnouuh "You gave your Imys liberal educa tions. I suppose, squire?" "Liberal? Why. It cost me Jes' nil 1 could rake nnd sernpe to pay fer cyclo meter an' such things the Isiys lied to have In their college studies. I couldn't bev done any more without n tnort gag In' the fann:"-Hetrolt Free Press. Out ut First. She IMamonds nre not worn ns much as foi aierly, are they? He fan ciitluiHlat-Of course not. The base ball season Is einbal. A W ish. Aunt -Well. Hobby, what tlo you want to Is- when you grow up? Hobby (suffering from parental ills clpllnei An orphan. Tld Hits. A Hrrloua l.uim Trouble. ZIiii-Yoii say he suiters considerably from lung trouble? .11111-Yes; bis daughter sings. New York F.vciilug Journal. hrclirlou a Substitute, Mntllc- Fin so sorry, dear, to lenm that (lentil 1ms robls-d you of your fa . .... ,1 . 11 . .. ...... ........ ...... 1 voriie lHllllc. now cull yvu cn-i sole yourself for Ills loss? Helen (sobbing) I (I don't know; b bill I a supMiso I'll h have to g get 111 married. A (iood Huuiiratlon. Fdltor (of country weeklyi-I'm nl n loss to know whether this article Is In tended to Ik- humorous or otherwise. Assistant-Well, why not run It In the puzzle column and let the subscrib ers guess? Ilia Knlllnic. F.dlth-1 like to converse with Mr. Fleeeem he pays such close attention. Clara Yes, Jack snya that' the only thing Hint he doc pny. New York Tl . Truvcllnif Hcpuir Shop, 'U went hetiveus. Algy. Ho you nl- wnys have a gwoom In attendance when you go w heeling?" "He is not a gwixun, deiili Imy. I have the fellow along to make we- pairs."- Indiana polls Journal. Nrluliliorljr limrlty. Fond mother Isn't the baby thu very linage of his father? Neighbor Y en; but you shouldn't mind that ns long as he's healthy. Agent I sent you an excellent cook yesterday, but you refused to tnke her. Mrs. Newwed She wns too pretty. I told you I wanted a plain cook. Cin cinnati Enquirer. In Klpley'a Htiirry Km I in. Smiles- Blank has taken up thu at inly of astronomy. I j Ilea- Why, I thought he wns ap pointed isillce lnsiector recently? Smiles- Ho he was. That's why ho has become a star-gazer. HmootlilnK tha Way. Superintendent-1 ahull have to think the matter over, for you are Married, and, frankly, I ahould refer to give the place to a single man. Appllennt-Oh, well, I ran got a dl- I Torce! Fllegende Hlnetter. Tha Cynic. "We've got a woman living down our way who says she Is 10(1 years old," said the enthusiast. "Well, a woman never tolls the truth bout her sge. She's probably only slsiut nil," aald the cynic Vonkers Statesman. i Ilia Mistake. I iriTiuiitKci I A 'fl'V mm Couldn't Com Out. Mrs. Neidoor-I haven't seen yoor, parents for ever o long, I. lulu Fannie Mamma has got scar let fever mid cnutiot come out. Mr. NexdiMir-And what has your papa got? Little Fnniile- He's got six months nud he can't come out, either. Tit I'lt. (lot of I'lucr, "That new cook from the country that the HluelHrr have been toasting alsuit Insisted on sluing on the porcli last night when they had company." "I'blu't she feel out of place?" "She did nfterwnrd." ClevulauJ 1 'Li It) Healer. A ii 11 ml I'oiKiualon, i st? "What make you think her diamonds nre presents from some glue muuufuo turer?" "Because they're all pnste. Hhort tulf rlim. "She never complain of her hus band' III treatment of ber." remarked Sqiiildlg. "She suffer In silence." "If she s 11 Hers only when she Is si lent," replied McSw illlgnn, '"she doesn't suffer long at a time." IMttsburg Chronicle- Telegraph. Notliiiltf to Concusa, "Tell me. doctor." said thu father of the disabled football player, "(lo yoll think It Is concussion of the brain?" "No." replied the doctor, "there Isn't any danger of that. It's merely n brok en skull." An F.iiirrui-ncy. "Why." he exclaimed. "I thought you said the last time you had the dress maker that you wouldn't need another gown for three mouths!" "I know I (Hit. denr," she replied, "but lu going through my trunk today 1 found a piece of rlblsin that will make a lovely sash and I haven't anything to go with It." Hnd Hern There llcfore. Lady leiignglug servant I ought to tell you that we are all strict teetotal er hen. I siipstse you won't mind that? Mary June-Oh, no. mum. I've !ecn lu a reformed drunkard's family bo fore. I 'micli. A Polble Keaaon. Johnny-I'npa, why do they say smart people have long heads ami level heads? I'spa 1 guess It's Is-cause w heels nr seldom found revolving In long or rial places. Invnrlulily. Little F.dgar 1'apa, w hat are the id lent watches of the night? I 'a pa The policemen who ought to be on hand when burglars are la U11 house. A Good Keaaon. "Why are yii crying, my little man?" "That saucy Isio-hoo little lK)o-hoo girl Just caught me and-boo-hoo-klssed me!" New York Journal. Too Smart for Him. "Yes," said young HoftleJgh, "I Ukt to see smart, well educated woman, but I wouldn't care to marry one who knew more than I did." "I'm very sorry," replied Mis Cut tin, "to hear that you hnvo resolved to remain a tmehelor all your life." Drawing to a Ifcud. "My dear," remarked Mr. Crumby, as he oicnod a letter at Die breakfast table the other morulug, mid his wife's milliner bill droiis-d out, "my dear, this Is tlie third bonnet you have had In leas than six months. You must have mill inery on the brain." "Well, suiiioae I have," replied Mrs. (iminby, "Isu't that the projier place for It?" Juat the I'luce for lilm. "Say, Weary, I think th' Sandwich Islau's la thu place for 1110." "Why so, chappie?" "Cause I'd be free from tempta tion." "Wot kind o' temptation?" "Why, tho papers says th' climate's so enervattu' thot there's no temptbtlon to work." Cleveland Flaln Healeir. Lynched by Hwallowa, A successful lynching took place on the farm of Jerome Butler, south of Mnrlette, Mich., the other day. In the barn a swallow's nest was seen cling ing to the able of a beam from which was suspended nn Kngllsh sparrow, hung by the neck with a hair from torse's tall. While Franklin nutlet and Orln Albertson wero sitting In ths barn they noticed a sparrow go Into th swallow' nest, from which It began pitching the young birds. Three swab Iowa, attracted by their outcry. Inline cllntely pounced upon the Intruder. Af--', ter cotifltilrig him to the mm fur 11 f ew 1 minute they threw him ort, lie drop.' ped about a foot! there . a lerk. and Mr. Spnrrow was banged as nicely n though an expert hangman hnd been In charge. The hair was wound around his neck several times, and after a few ineffectual struggles he kicked bis last !rand Itnplds Herald. 1 There Is many a slip 'twlxt the cup and the Hp, but there Is only one be tween a man nnd the sidewalk. When marriage Is not a aucceas di vorce la Us successor. a! AT I 1 1 " !.