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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Sept. 11, 1897)
I WT A Li aV. w .-it 2-. ', 1 ri 1 IT... t iii i I fii ,'.Kf L'E' V- A UK uiantt-r of the schooner Ilaro 111 ciune slowly toward the bar i...r accompanied ly "into. men uud provided ashore for a . niilrh Included no Intoxicants, I the dlfi'Hy of the skipper, always Jurat feature, had developed tre- r I I.a lufliiuniui . .loudly "'" r "i , ItdUt. II" SleppCU BIHMini II IK Loner Importantly, nl ien. turn- r ..... . .!.... ..i !0 the Dlliie. WHO lia liuoui in nil- ('.uddeuly held up his hand for dviuit did I tell your he Inquired rely a. the mute got quietly ri. ( mate listened. From the fo'c's'le the low if ruff voice or men brok- ,y the silvery rlpplo of women' j-liter. hVell I'm a Dutchman, said tnc ., with the nlr of one who felt he expected to any something. tttt ill I wild to 'em," aald the l.r Wit" weary uin"". ion rJ what I wild to 'em, Jack?" fkuhcHlj- cciiild ha' .'wore louder," tea- t the mate. ha'beiv they are," aald the skipper uiie, "defying of me." jUiry're lccii and ttoiio and nxked i L females down the fo'c's'le ng'ln. I won iii Bum . u uu, u did." ili you'd rat 'em without salt," J the other helpfully. ;i Jo ivcirse ihan that, Jack," said ,kiiT after a moment's dlscoui- .. "it uai s to uiuiier us casting on Ijr aud taking them along with lf;ou ask me," said the mate, "I Id nay yuu couldu t please the k better." ItH we'll see," said the other, nod- I ugely; "don't make no noise, tied liy the mate he cast off the j .which held his unconscious vis- k to their native town, and the wind off the shore the little schooner; J silently away from the quay. i ttl.l...r uelll In II... M-I.....I nn.!1 wise uf the mate hauling on the J-uiicM a rough hend out of the fo'- the owner of which, after a cry i unite below, sprang up on deck looked around lu bewilderment, jnd by, there!" cried the skipper, ie others came rushing ou deck. take 'em out." ?;in' your pnrdin, sir," snld one m. with more ixiliteness In his than he had ever used before, .md by," said the skipper. w, then," shouted the mate. r ly, "lively there! Lively with It!" h nien hsikod at each other help- fj md went to their posts, as a tm of dismay arose from the fair i:f below, who, having Just beguu I-illze their position, were coming 'l to try aud Improve It. f lut!" roared the skipper. In pre l astonishment; "what! gells after all I said. It cnu't be! I febvdrtniniiig." ke us liack," walled the damsels, o(t the sarcasm; "take us back, nn." I". I can't go back," snld the skip- lou see what comes o' dlsobedl- "r Kells. Lively there ou that ( won t do It again." cried the the schooner came to the flof the harbor and they Binelled rk sea heyoml. "Tnke us back." I fan't he done." Bald the skipper, 'fully. JsSln the lor, sir," said Ephralm f'e. xileinnly. i" said the skipper; "they're 1.vs. an' I shall put 'em ashore ie Hrsi , mt ..-a i..,,..l. ..i,.. ll''ar,r 'ins series of screams the stowaways rounded his sen- ' etvmns which gave way to stis- r if. as the schooner, cntch- f'e wlud, began to move through rater. Ua JsMter get below, my gals," lMle. Wm was the eldest uiem the crew e,.nu..n....i H d''"'t Jou make him take us w Jenny Evans, the biggest ' '"ree girls, Itidlgiinntlv. rf t''"l', tlnr," said Hiddle f ntiy. -Yo,, ,j,m.t WBnt ,0 us "'"Prison, do you?" ' uui," said Miss Evans. V- 'SO lull If US u- irot l.i.eL- Je.tatB ... i...i. .. rl t " .MifH. ft.-snld Scut, sullenly. !", you can look out for tome- r. then." said Miss Evans, with r ion wou't marry me. How Mould you get If you did' make r- ri-T put hack?" Jen"k !J 8lX ""'h"" Mid Bld- Olontlm ..,.11 tr """i soon pass nway," urisniy, as sue WipiHt om.I he a rest." .aid Miss Will "Xlngly, ' u not swing things In quite ne light, the girl, announced "etltlnii nf t..v.i.. Wiii, ,. "oiuiiiK more I . " ' nd crowding together t,B?,J'''m'a, ,w or three blau- " 'earruny wllh each other r niUf........- k'n 4 V a11 the Plfeumstauces of tl ' ' , ('"l"nln thought It best to lin,i J"''1 ln ,lls own hnd8 for a j Qa d n found him till at his dl8l,jr"el girls put helr heads I llr ri bI"Dkt', nI "uifftHl dis ia. ii ' afur an "nluiated dis- .n? wallted up to the ft.' , 0 blra unfavorably. Uid M, U t ,ny bl8Kpr ,h"n h . ,M WilIia'. savagely. Jll Ullnk of 11 iH-'fore." hli,.'" t-t? MU MlM Exta. scorn ,u,y do. we'll senre them the t1 off leaving the aklpper a r-v v w .'I I I I I l I T 1 I! i 1111. ' , fvj P. rrrrnrrirr- -,t,ZZ tGtJtWWrH ins. i i.. .....I t.. i-w Kmoernitf uneaKlnehK. watchltc their tnovementa with wrinkled brow . i mi- loreciiKiie ami the ualley they procured two mop ,,iid a broom, and lie cniiBht bin breath sharply 0a MIm btaiiM came on de k with a white paint lu one hand and a iar In the other. "Now. isUUl" said Mis. Ki-nn. pot of pot of "I'ut thoKe IhltiKu down," said the HKipiM-r. in a peremptory voice. "Shn'ii't!" said Mis Kvnn., bluntly; and with mops dripping tar and paint .... ,.,e ueca incy marched In military style up to the skipper ami halted In i rout or iiiin. smlllnc wlckedlv. The heart of he skipper waxed sore taint within him. and with a wild veil he summoned hla trusty crew to his sine. The crew came on deck slowly, nnd, rnstinif rurllve Blancca at the scene, pushed Kphralni Ithhlle to the front. "Tnke those mops away from Vin." said tile skipper haughtily. "Don't you Interfere." said Miss Kvans, looking at them over her bIiuii! der. "Else we'll give you some," said Miss Williams hloodthlrstlly. "Take those lliOtltt H Wfl V f mm 'tin ' bawled the sklpior. Instinctively draw- u,g unck as Miss Evans mini., n n ... him. "I don't see as 'ow we can Interfere, sir." said Kiddle with deep respect. "Whnt!" said the astonished skipper. "It would be ag'lu' the lor for us to Interfere with people," said Illddle, turning to Ills mates; "clear ag'lu' the lor." "Don't you talk rubbish," said the skipper anxiously. "Take 'em away from 'em. It's my tar and my paint and " "You shall have It." said Miss Evans reassuringly. "If H-D t.t...llfl.l 'u.l, l an 1.1 ni.l.ll- .... . " " Vii .'. . " . f JP ' " '.'.;.. . ,. " - " Bi'H-l, .nine , Ing with rage, and, turning hastily to the mate, who had Just come ou the I scene, "fake those things away from fin, Jack." "I'm uot goln' to raise my hand ngainst n woman for anybody," said the mate with decision. "It's no part of my work to get messed up with tar aud paint from lady passengers." "It's part of your work 4o obey me, though," said the sklpMr, raising his voice. "What are you afraid of?" "Are you going to take us back?" de manded Jenny Evans. "Kuii nway," said the skipper with dignity. "Hun away." "I shall ask you three times." said Miss Evans sternly. "One are you go ing back? Two are you going back? Three " In the midst of a breathless silence she drew within striking distance, while her nllles, taking up n position on either Hank of the enemy, listened attentively to the Instruction of their leader. "He careful he doesn't cntch hold of the mops," said Miss Evans, "but If he does the others are o lilt lilm over the head with the handles. Never mind nlxuit hurting him." "Tnke tills wheel a niiunlt. Jack." said the sklpicr, pale but determined. The mute came forward and took it unwillingly, nnd the skipper, trying hard to conceal his trepidation, walked toward Miss Evans nnd tried to quell her with, his eye. The power of the hu man eye Is notorious, and Miss Evans showed her sense of the danger she ran by making nn energetic attempt to close the skipper's mouth whh her mop, causing him to duck with ainaz Ing nlmlilciiess. At the same moment another mop loaded with white paint was pushed Into the back of his neck. He turned with n cry of rage, and then realizing the odds against lilm tliuig his dlgnKy to the winds and dodged with the nglllty of a schesdboy. Through the galley nnd round the masts with the avenging mops lu mad pursuit, until breathless and exhausted he suddenly sprang on to the side and climbed frantically Into the rlgglnif. "Coward!" said Miss Evans, shaking her weapon ut him. "Come down," cried Miss Williams. "Come down like n man." "It's no giMxl wasting time over lilm," said Miss Evans, after another vain ap peal to the skipper's manhood. "He's escaped. (let some some more stuff on your mops." The mate, who had been laughing boisterously, checked himself suddenly and assumed a gravity of demeanor more In accordance with his position. The mops were dipped In soleinu sil ence, nnd Miss Evans, approaching, re garded ul in significantly. "Now, my dears," said the mate, waving his hand with a deprecating gesture, "don't lie silly." "Don't whnt?" Inquired the sensitive Miss Evans, raising her mop. "You know what I mean." said the mate hastily. "I can't help myself." "Well, we're going- to help you. said Miss Evans; "turn tne snip annum "Yon ols-y orders, Jack cried the skipper from aloft. -It's ail very well for you sitting up there lu peace and comfort." said the mate Indignantly 'I am not going to tie tarred to please yon. Come down ....i i.u nlmnre of volir ship. Do your duty. Jack." "U the skip per, who was polishing his face with a handkerchief. "They won't touch you. They're afraid to. They're afraid to "You're egglm? Vm on." cried the mate wrathfully. "I woo't steer; come am) tnke M yourself, He darted N hit.-I the wheel as Mis j,.,,, t!lw: ,o concentration I nece l . h was getting impatient. ! Mry m the ad.-Ad rV-nae. made a thrust at b Im ano u u sprlnglns-out Kl ';7 I Puod earnestly at them and took thai wheel. "U won't hurt old BWMIe. I know" i b MM. trying to siM-ak eontldeutlv it course uot." laid Mi Evh1 eilipliRtl.Hlly. "Iur 1",,RU't explained Mist llllniug. "Ifa good fr yon." Mh tho third lady, positively. "One two "If no good." Mid the mate, a Eph ralm came hurriedly Into the rljfjtlinr "you'll have to give In." i m ir i Wl," n,,d the lnfnrlnf. ' A.i .1.1 . "mmikt, j ne l nn wi.-n ...... ..-.i ... I'1"'- '" puckering hln face shrewdl, he liegnn to descend. ; 1 ' ""oniy, as Mis. .11 r trill " I... l.l ... .... I , "'"r. ",Ivano,'' o imvt him. 'Til go n. look the wheel. The schoonet catiie around ls'fore the wind, and the will ngcrew. letting the sheet go, haul- ed them lu again on the port side. 'And now, my lads." said the skli- per. with a benevolent smile, just clear that mess up off the deck, and you may as well pitch them mops over- board. They'll never lie anv v,v,.l agalti." r ft - ue sske carelessly, alln-lt his voice with a division of spoils. Hut the bus trembled a little, but his heart sunk lues considerations are not material to within him as Miss Evans waved them outside spectator of the I'uUin trng- ,''k- edy. The fact that Weyler wa the j on stay where you are." she said. 'iit who executed th. dwrees of fan Imperiously. "We'll throw them ,.ver-lovas, his chief. the fact that stands hoard-when we've done wKh them, out with awful plalnufsn from the reo- hat did you say. ('iiptjilnV" j urd of tills contll. t. The Captain was almut to repent it There have been the most serious with great readiness wheti Miss Evans .complaints nita.ust Wevler from his raised her trusty mop. The word died , triH.p. from hi i.ttlcer. from Uie nior away on his Hps. and after a hopeless 1 humane Spanish citizen In Havana, Khuice from his mate to the crew, and from thousands of prominent cltlxens from the crew to the rigging, he a.-- j In Madrid, and them- complaint have ccpted his defeat and lu grim silence! been of such magnitude that any mau took tlieui home again. Washliiirtou : less strom-lv r,.piin.ui i.. i.i. .....hi.... l'ost. Manitoba's IVemler lncoTnlto, ... " zn TliT.T.' r'TrV"1- "L0tA" ' ' L".""" 1 i,k,'U walked Into the hotel with his wife for the noonday meal. He saw at his table two strangers, one a young man, pret-' ty well dressed, aud the other, evident ly a farmer, alsiut tW years of age, with ! a gray, rough Is-ard and well-woru and ! Ill llttlng clothing. Mttle atteution i was nald to the nnlr. lievnn.l serutliiv. The cltlie.. ..,! l.u ..r' were thinking of taking a trip to a 1 l!?, " v T , "w '"7 bU "T' lake In Mnnltol,. near Crvsta city ! T ,h1",I"h"Vl"" ou for a few days, nnd were talking 1 , "" f" u", " " nm the trip. Inquiring how long the fishing j fjr f."r ,,K' ""f ( "'"V C"nova: no.n.l l- Lui .....: . 2 Uh 1"',' ot-'uh-am of the character of nimiin UK II those who were talking seemed unable In nn-..r Tl, ,.t,l tn. b., .... i and. venturing to explain that he lived i nulte near the bike tol.l nil lu..,t 1 situation there, where to go, at whose house to stop nnd other needed Infor-' niatlon. Little else was said, but the Impression made on the citizen and ; wife was not sufficient to cause them 1 to mnko rorr i......ir.- ...i alxiut the hotel knew who the two men were. "Well, he seemed to be a nice old fel low," said the wife, "though I noticed he seemed quite helpless In regard to ! disposing of his lettuce. Probably his first meal at a hotel." "Very likely," replied the citizen. Tne next day the citizen met his friend, the liveryman, who said: "Hy the way, did you see Premier flreenway of Manitoba when he was here yesterday? Ills driver brought h.in down here from Crystal City, where he lives, you know, to catch the train for St. Paul nnd then to Ottawa, as he was In a hurry to go. He said he thought (ireeuwny was called there to confer with Laurler and fix up the school question. He took dinner at the Columbia, aud I dhfu't know hut you might have seen him." Huston Tran script. Took Ills Trunk on HI Wheel. Evidently determined to lessen his expenses for a trip to the shore, an In genious wheelman pedaled down Wal nut street early' the other morning on a tandem, the renr seat of which con tained nn ordinary traveling trunk supportisl by means of a board fasten ed to the seat. Comments and smiles were numerous ns the strange looking load went about, but the cycler wore a satlstled expression, which showed that he wns proud of his Ingenuity. He got along swimmingly until he reach ed Second street. In the midst of a gathering of produce trams the during rider spied about ten Inches of an open ing, (living an extra spurt he attempt ed to pass through, evidently forget ting he had the trunk In the renr. There WHS II Hliuilt'ii J.'ii, a ii.ivihii.iK i colored language, and all was over. Hy a miracle the cycler wns not hurt, but was merely tnrown among a 101 of splinters which had formerly lieen a trunk. In n dazed manner he collected a lot of shirts, collars, outing suits and several other essentials to a sporty time, and, strapping them together, tied them on the seat again ami started for home. Philadelphia Kccord. Europe' Oldest Professor. Samuel Itruosal, the eminent Hnn garlan professor, has Just celebrated the sixtieth anniversary of his advent to scientific honors. He Is 17 year old. and is the seuior active teacher of learning In Europe. Through hi un selfish devotion to the caune of Hun- 1 nary and the purifying of the Magyar ! language he has established a Arm place In the hearts of his countrymen. Mr. Hral has contributed a nuuiber of scientific invention to the physical lalsiratorle of hi college In Buda iesth among them a chronometer with which he watches the standing of tho sun each day and thus regulate the t.. n clock. H l Kreat philanthro pist. Most of his moliej has Ix-cli giv en to the advancement of science throughout bis land. Hevern' Advertising Point.. Some odds cannot be overcome by tin best of ad. A smart advertiser duu t writt smart" ad. ... It 1 as easy to sj-ill a good ad as ll Is difficult to write one. (tinlal warmth Ul the ad will thaw out the purse of readers. W advertising succeeds oftcner than good advertising fails. Change the d often and each time let It 1 a change U the ts-tter. Time I economy, but the people who hive most time have least money, and .i'..e who have mot money bv Atchison man 1 writing a novel ,h Ui. tUW. I. CANOVAS. He laiplrtd th Horrid Oaeltic Practical! In Cab The tragic taking off of Senor Catio ran. tin- rrviuler of Spalu, cannot blur the historical fact that he wan the limn ter who Inspired the Iwrlwrltle In "uba. lie wa the archfiend lielilnd foe butcher Weyler. and upirted hlin lu nil hi atrocities toward the Cuban patriots. The uudotilitcd fact tlmt Cau ova acted tuily In accordance with hU training and hi. conception of itrlot- conduct nor ameliorate It. horrid gery miii iioea not change tne liature or HI. NIV- . ne was the Instigator of the most awful scheme of wholesale a-awlim i Hon the civlltxed world ha. secu for years In a civilized laud, and the unnt strength of hi character and his doinl- tuition of his olMelnl associate, serve to render his cruel nature more coiiplci. on. There ha never been an attempt to deny that Wcvlcr In his pr.-w nl m. sitlon has lieen a creature and tool of t'anova.. It has even lieen hinted that the inn l.o.i ..... ..e 1 poiiir mri vi iiir- ne alliance. poslbly lu coiiiiis'tlon must have been overwhelmed. Hut Weyler has withstood them all and has not abated by one Jot Ills policy of In- oi aoaicii ny one tot i s imi cy of n "'"''""y- TIW l nothing o Inhe, 't trcK,h lu Weyler to justify sue r- justlfy such successful resistance, lie has not lscn the man of power who has disconcert ed his foes. Cfliiovas alone ha been his bulwark and to Catiova alone docs he owe Immunity from the wrath of his outraged coplc. Hue there is a worse phase yet of the ' " " oniy pro- Weyler' cninpnigns. '1 lie whole world lutu In... ti ..!.! ...lit. I. ..I..'. i...ull.i . """ ' " """ " uoirn.ic "f ,J"' '!ul,,l,,"rl7 l-'lmtcd by lU,,t ,,mn- 1 1,e l,,lrlu f ''"HpUals, Uie killing of women and children, the murder of old men, the assassination """"" ,n' I"m,re 01 MS'"' 1,1 ',rlK""' ""' '"""lwll",u" !"s"'"r,, category of atroc- ',l'" I"" laid Imre to the world faithfully and with lmrrihle Circum stantial evidence. These have been the apparent act of Weyler, but the man who must he ,U;M responsible In history Is Catiova. v eyier was auorn creature ami sun Ject entirely to his will. If Cnovs had disapproved of Weylcr's course, If he had objected to those butcheries, If he had not desired a reign of barbarous methods lu the carrying ou of the Cu ban war, a word from him would have changed It all. He could have com pcllod a cessation of I lie cruelties In a day, or If Weyler had dans I to dlsolicy he could have stripped the butcher of his command In an Instant. Cauovas ha escaped exposure licfore because the Cuban Junta has feared to tell the truth alMiut him. The Culwin patriots lu the 1'nltisl State have uot dared place the responsibility where It belonged lest Weyler should lie ordered to lie more cruel and bloodthirsty. De nunciation hav) been poured out against Weyler, but the real villain was granted temporary Immunity In the hope that some isilltlcal exigency would cause the recall of W eyier nnd the substitution of a !ss savage command er. The American press has followed this Mine course, heaping execrations on Cnnovas' tool and hangman lusteod of on himself, on whom Ml per cent, of '.lie blame must rightfully rest. Cauovas selected Weyler to do this rruel work because he knew Weyler wa snaturally Inhiiimin iuhI savage, and Cauovas wa the villain mi whom American denunciation ahoiiid have fallen, hot, vitriolic, and sulphuric. The Italian anarchist had rid the world of one of the hardest -heartis! creatures I that ever disgraced It One thing Is a- i anreil no sllluimlllellt RlkJltllsh 1'rotnlrr con escajie resiMiiislblllty for the net was naturally Inhumiin and savage of the general In command In Culm. If atrocities are kept lip by Weyler or a successor to Weyler the successor to Cauovas will 1m made to feel the wrath of civilization. Old-Fashioned Journalism. He wns a tenderfoot from Illinois, lie was hungry, ragged and dead broke, and was making for Carson Plat with tin. bio of flndlmr something to do a ' an editor, reporter or compositor on the American Eagle. It was a scrub week- ly, but up to the average and work of some sort wns his last hoie. lie was within a mile of the town, ami had at down on a stone for a rest, wlien a crowd of nlxuit thirty men turned In I r...... ii.o ui.uko crni.-ii trail. Thcr were ....... ...V '....n n w mostly hard hsikliig cases, and a they came up the lender looked the tender foot over and queried: "Why don't ye hang yerself V "Keen use I've got no i"!"' ." w" reply, ll'l,,..'. . .. r..ll."f" ., ..... . f ,7 "Down to Carson Plat." "What fur?" j "To hit a Job on the Eagle I "Ar ye a uewspawr man?" I "Yes." j "Then cum along." I He followed the crowd down file hill I and across the level to the town of tents j and shanties, ami the first stop wa made In front of the Eagle office. Tho leader and two of hi crowd entered, and pretty soon renpM iired with the ed itor and proprietor, who had a roj around his neck and was soim what ier turned. There were cries of "Hang blni!" from various Individuals, but the Niks of the gang waved hi band for silence and snld: "All In rtg'lar order, boy. Now, i Mister n.an. we don't like yer paper, j and we've cum over to give ye a choice. Will ye git or hang?" "What the matter with my paper?" demanded the editor. "Will ye gtt or hang? We hain't no time fur foolln'." "Why; I'll tit. "Then go." They gave him time to make up a bundle of clothe and started hi in off up the trail, and then the bos turued to the tenderfoot with: "Now, young feller, step lu and take IMisseskion. We may hang ye inside of mo wicks, or ye may pull along fur two or three months." Ten minute Inter he wa In full pos sesion of l lie office. The editor wa his own cotuNislior and pressman, and there was enough while paper on baud to get out three Issues. The entire out tit, press and nil. could have Ihiu pack ed on the back of a mule, but lu those day. the newspaper reader neither looked for quantity nor quality. He got out a fairly decent looking shift, and as each copy sold for 50 cents, ssit cash. It was tx-ltcr than mining. The third number had Just been Issued and the tenderfoot was sticking type for the fourth, when a gang of nlsuit fifty men came marching down from Iog Hill and halted In front of the office. Only one man came In. He had a hang man' rope over his left arm aud a gun In his right hnnd, and after a look around be said: "Well, young mail, It' time fur ye to move on!" "What" the row?" wa asked. "Oil, it n 1 1 1 1 n In pcrtlckler. but the boy don't like yer paper. Will ye bang or git ?" "I'll git. of course. How much timer" "Plve inlnlls!" The man from Illinois didn't need three. He had an extra shirt and pair of IhniIs, and picking tlieui up he struck out and down the trail and was seen no more at Carson Plats.-Denver New. Not a tJmid Hhot. Purest and Stream iMiitnlns an ac count, full of sly humor, of a father and sou and their experience with an American rllle of the best and newest make. Targct tthiMters uowndays have, perhaiw. little faith lu the marksman ship of the old frontiersmen, nnd the elder gentleman In question did much, during his visit to his son, to confirm the Impression of his own Inadequacy. "Well, well!" he said, examining the target rle at Ihlle first oportunlty. "What Improvement they have made since I was a hoy. Dcjir me! Our rifles were very crude affairs lu those days." He continued In this strain all the way to the wood, and bis sou began to feel very sorry for him. It seemed a shame to be enjoying such modern Improvements which the older genera tion bad Ih'cii denied. He tried to lie encouraging. "Yes," he said, "the finish of our rltles mny ls finer, but I supMim the old muzzle-loader would shoot Just a straight." "I don't know! I doii't know!" replied his father, sadly. "Well, you didn't miss often with them?" "No. not often. Hut we didn't dare to miss. Powder was too scan v." "Lead, too, I slipHe?" "Well, not so scarce as powder, for we could use It over again. When we had powder enough to shoot at a murk, which wa seldom, we would always put the mark on a tree, nnd then chop the bullet out. I guess you youngsters shoot much better than we did, for you have plenty of ammunition to waste lu target-shooting. And then you have such flue sights; I shouldn't even know how to use them." "Oh. yes, you would! Here, I'll tack this target ou a tree, and we'll try a few shots." "No! no! you do the shooting. I can't shoo.. Why, tsiy, I haven't tired a rllle since the war. And I never was any thing of a shot. Brother .eke and Abe could Iscat me any time, and neither of them could sIiihsI like father." Hut when the target had Is'eii set up, and the son had lilt the bull's-eye, the father coiiMciiti-d to "try those sights, Just to see how they would work." He had eon I rued hi son' Hrsuaslon a a challenge, and he would ins) refuse It, even In the face of certain defeat. He took the rllle, threw hi arm well out, and raised the piece, but complain ed that he could not see. The younger man grew a little nervous. "He careful, father," snld he, "that' a set trigger." "Hoy," wa the stern reply, "I never usisl any other kind." A suspicion began to creep over the son that he might have been tium a- sarlly solicitous. "Crack!" The obi gentleman had shot Into a line three Inches below the bull's eye. At bl second trial he did the same. That' funny," snld he. "My sight was touching the mark." He had been holding the aperture a If It were a plu head, ami It wa ex plains! to lit i ii Hint the bull' eye should be centered lu that little hole. Prom that moment he bit the center and kept on hitting tt. Ill work was amazing, but he kept apologizing for It, an., hi humility wa perfectly sincere. No, he never wn counted a good shot .eke could lstit him -so could A be lli, father was better than any of them and undo George wa a real marks man. Hut my! what Improvement you have made!" A Hlnl that Act a a Hhepherd. In Venezuela there I a specie of crane, called by the native the yak-a-mlk, which I easily tamed and trained to look after a flock of heep or take care of the Inmate of a ioultry yard. When these are placed In charge of (hi. bird It may lie Implicitly trusted to take them lo their feeding place In the mornliiK aud bring them safely home at nlglit. uot forgetting to hunt for and collect the straggler. Tin yak-a-mlk displays all the trait of character usually associated with tin faithful shepherd dog. It can lie amtis lug. too, for, while It usual gait Is slow and sedate. It can execute the most fantastic waltzes and strike all orti of absurd attitudes. A German agri culturist, 1 1 err von Seyffert, had on of the cram- which bsik charge of a herd of heifers, driving them to and from their pastures. It also kept ordcl In the poultry yard, stopping all fight ing and disorder. ficcelved br Appearances. "WllUe," shouted the Irnte fattier "dUlu't I warn you not to eat any nion cucumls-r?" "I didn't eat no cucumber. Put to l the coiitortkilt lu the clrcu whal we're goln' to give In the barn." m troLt Free Free, HUMOR OF THE WEEK STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN OF THt PRESS. (Md, Curlou ami l.auutinbU Phawi of Human Nature tlrihlclljt Pur trayrd bj Kiulnent Word ArtUl of Our Uwa Uajr-A Huilget of Pun. Wrll-Ment Hint. "I ordered my new bathing suit to day, t.corgo." "Well, see that there Isn't too much of It." "Too much of my bathing suit?" "No. Too much of you." Clcvhind Plain Dialer. t'p to HI ' id In Affslra. " There goe Mcddlillu all dressed lip. ( wonder If he Is lu any business uow." "I 'Ii, dear, yes." "Wnat I h'" "Everylksly else'.." Exchange. A Men ln.lnn.tlnn. "Ye. . sir, when I played Hamlet In Lynn the house was llllisl to the doors." "Where were the doors?" Cleveland I .a I ll Dealer. Ca.er' Kntr.li This shows the admirable energy displayed by Mr. Casey at the bat. 4. Alid this Is the same Mr. Casey beat ing bis wife's carpet. Hard on lilm. "Whnt Is the mutter with (irumpy to day?" "He told his daughter that when the llrsl gruiidchlld was boru he would give her the price of a bicycle. It was twins nnd she made him put up the price of a liiiidom."--Detroit prce Press. Nothing Oauntrd Him. Aid (charging furiously upl lieneral, the enemy has captured our left wing. What shall we do? The Commander- Ply with the other. - Philadelphia Inquirer. A 11 It Lackrrf. Customer-What a lovely hat! And yet It seem to luck something. What Is II? Mllllner-A head, limchim.-Detroit Prce Press. Pnl In t'n-ler.tan. "Muiiuua, why should landladies ob ject In children?" Mother-I'm sure I don't know, but go and see what the baby I crying iilsiut ami tell Johnny to stop throw ing things at people In the street and make (icorgc aud Kate cease fighting and tell Dick If he doesn't slop blow ing that (In I in m pet I'll take It away from lit m. Trllles. (h.naeil HI Mind. "I thought Hrlskly wa going to sell his farm ou account of the mosquitoes there?" "He did talk of It, but struck a Ixi ter thing. It's a summer resort now," -Detroit Prce press. Her Hope. "1 fear your wedded hnpplnes will Is- of short duration." "I hope so," candidly confessed the young lady, who was to wed the limit I aged in (ill I millionaire.-Iuillnnaisdls Join mil. VC (iilnii Mutter., Old (iotrox-l love you, Mis Mabel. I could die for you. Mis Mabel -How soon? Con'di'l Torn llown. "Seven dollar for a room and hreaa fnst? t ileal Scott, mall, that Is awful ly sleep. And awfully high," said the victim. "Yes," admitted the summer land lord, "It Is so high and steep that I don't see how I can collie down." In dianapolis Journal. A upp i I o i C.ia-. Powell - Hut for your birth you would Is- my equal. Howell Ye; If I had never len horn I supMie I should be a noiieiilty, too.- Deinorest's Magazine. To (ana l. "It seems strange that a bank cashier should Invent au airship." "Ha he?" "I see here that a prominent bank cashier ha flown." Philadelphia North American. Ilia ce He Cat. "Thl," said the Iceman, "I the time uf yeur when I cut considerable Ice.'' "You." said the kitchen lady, "don't cut half a much a you are paid for." Iudlanaoolls Journal. in KiplatnOu. "You aw them drown, did your "Oi did. They stood there till th' water kein over their beadi." ' "Which one went first?" "Well, I heard her voice th' last, or "I supiHise so. You know they say a woman always has the last word." "Vis. sor. Hut the woman were a usit taller th.iu the num." Cleveland Plulu Dealer. A niutple Kiixrlmrnt. Parmer Jason -Yans, It's an expert llieut, but I had ter put my college son an' their wheels ter some work, an' till seem.il the easiest. What d'ye think of ll? New York Journal. A wful Thnueht. "Mr. Conrty askisl me to marry hlin last night," she bliishlngiy told her mother. "Aud what did you (ell lilm?" "I told him to ask you." "Ask me!" ecli. il the startled par cut. "Why, Mary, surely you wouldn't have your dear old mother commit big amy, would you?" Tit Hit. The Hitler Part. "It was all due to the whisky," said the prisoner. "Hut," said the cnptlous visitor, "I notice that you. Instead of the whisky, are in here." "And that ain't the worst of It, eltls r. They left the booze outside." Indlau spoils Journal. Not Kven That. I'ncle John 1 1ioh you are not a de ceiver, that you never keep anything from your wife? Dazzle No; not even my pm-keilssik I'll not deny that I try to; hut she It always sure to Hud It. Hostou Tran script. Their Han't. He (at the hotel tiiblel-I've often wondered how these waiters call re member so many orders at once. 1 know now. She (who had often wondered the sa thing) 4Hi, do you? How can they remember o much? He (trltimphnntly)-Tliey dou'tS Ue trolt Pree Press. flood Keaaon. "So you've lost your cook?" "Yes, she went Inst Veek." "What was the trouble?" "She said my new bonnet made her look a perfect frlght."-Plttsburg Post Practical Pride. "My folk have some fuuilly plate," Mild one snnill girl In a IsinstfiU tone. "Well," replied the oilier, "that Isn't anything. Our folk have some armor plate, and, what Is more, they are go ing to sell It to the governuieiit."- Wnshlngtou Star. Vnprotltal.le. "Why I It that you never build cas tle In the air, (irumpy?" "HccauNe you can't rent the thing. Detroit Free Pre. A Kind Invltat'on. Diver I haven't lime now to tell you why I haven't that hill. Come on; we'll talk about It while. I work. Fllcgcudu lllutter. Wnt1 lo H ecnr. Hookkeepcr What' all thl fus about? Do you supixmo the old man inspect me of any crooked work? Chief Ch rk-Oh, no. He Isn't to blame for It. Count Skeeslks has made arrangements to marry Miss Aramliilii anil Is having experts to go through tho hook to see that there have lieen no misrepresentation regarding her fiilher' wealth. That' all." Cleve land Leader. A flo'id Hecnmmenilatl'.n. "I have an aching void tho world can never fill," lghed Mr. Pcrcnsle, ufter Mis Miinn hnd rejected him. "Hove you tried a dentist?" asked Mr. Cllnifstone. New York World. The Int. "Did they have a profusion of cut flowers at the dunclng parly T' "Including the wallflower, ye." Truth, magnificent, eternal, often finds It best servant In sordid and soul searing envy. Detroit Journal. Don't Whine. Don't Ik whining about not having s fair chance. Throw a sensible mail out of a window and he'll fall on hi feet, and ask the nearest way to hi work. 'Die more you have to heglu with th le you will have lu the end. Money you earn yourself I much brighter Hum any you get out of dead lueu'i bag. A scant breakfast lu the morn ing of life whet the apHdlte for a feast later lu the day. lie who ha. tasted a sour apple will have Ihe more relish for a sweet one. Your present want will make future prorlty all the weeter. A few cents ha set up iniiuy a Mildler lu business, and he ha turned It over until he ha kept hi car riage. A for the place you are cast In, dou't find fault with that; you need uot be a horse because yon were born lu a stable. If a bull tossed a man of metal sky-high he would drop down Into a good place. A hard working young man wltb hi wit alsaut him will niak money while other will do nothing but lose It. What a fool trick It I for a country J dog to follow bl master' wagon to i towu on a hot day when be might hav I remained at bom ln the badet