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m - AWKWARD - POSITIONS
fcll
I .i.i.... cvli-1 nlll'ht
DO J'lU l'""S -------
. u- born o exactly nllkeT
mid Cliiirllc Hutre, ruefully
Unap a dgn wt.
I, other iiuiu laughed.
L,Utlkli.KoftUotwlnu.
.
Iffrlsf They re ""l "-"'
i ....v u-iii lor vou. uui i
j i jour loB K,'t' nnJ 1 ,,,', l"re
f
tm) If 1 set' eiiin-1 - -
I ... nr In a bad light, I can't tell
i, i
1 1, is w lileh. I am going to a parly
I ,tlt Sveti lij' the res)ected parents
Lj ivntilfou. aud I iiosltlvely dread
hvrlinps they piny tricks on you,"
l Billiintvne. "One of them Is ruth-
Littisii."
t. iirlie got lilmself up that night with
J-annllnnry care, and as he was a
fclloeklng fellow he presented a
!yr mriklng nppcarnnce as he enter
Mi. Heiinlsou's drawing rooms. He
! ixnii detiilned, ho that most of the
i.t l.ail arrived when he come, and
I lujimoriita w as nowhere to be seen.
;i alurtty after he had paid his re
,i to the host and hostess the
i a ..0 il... Ii..nun tinttl1v ilnttiuitil
I
ii. 'Ni
in 111
ri'ui
filler vi tiirii" mr ..",,
bite fliul liliu1, came up. Durre
;;ctl fur a dance two iliitieM.
fl Hi w wnry. mud h:ic( "uut l ve
. till 1.j l.iiKn.fa Vnii'm
:u!ii
li:ilo
l-iil i
llllifi WHillll III! liimvini i v
lie bite. .Mr. Dncre, you see," with a
lucent of rcironcli as she gave
liercnnl. Clinrlie apologized In the
jlJcst lerins. and the girl bestowed
friulU'oti lilin ns she was led a way.
H Mere went to seek her In good time
4r Ills iniieers. She sat on nil ottoman
i ilistiint nirt of tlie room, where
' drmiiliig folds of a cui tnlii formed
f-Iimle Iiuiu me glare or mo iignts.
e liluo mill white of her llliny gown
out against tlie dark background.
inte Imsteiied across tlie room to her.
Miss Iietinlson. my dance," he snld,
rly. "May I?"
s'irt iiinieil tier tirettr fiiro nun nreti
I her eyebrows In surprise.
"Yes," said Charlie, "the lancers you
I r .mls"cl-0! 1 beg your pardon. You're
j Hir cousin I mean, the other Miss
nnKon-nnd. of course, I uavcu't
.n you before."
Then, recovering from his confusion
i fore tlie young lady could speak, he
.Mwl:
I hoiie I'm not too lute to get a
ancft Miss Deiiulson?"
Having st cured this, he sought the
t):tT Isiihel.
"Why In the fiend's name do they
tilike?" lie muttered, In nervous
iar uf another mistake. He might
if continually coming across tlie one
ie didn't want, like a recruiting dec!
ul. Several times he bore down on
i fair girl lu blue and white, but turn--I
anay, ilvciiling Hint he had only
Kmc on mi Isabel lu another place. The
iacers had begun It was In full BWing
Kfure lie came Hitddeulr on a sofa
liiTe silt the Isabel.
"Hiss Iicnnisou," hestamuiered, "I'm
' mrry "
"l'riiy don't apologize," said she coltl
;"1 assure you the delay Is not of the
IliRlitint Uioment."
I "Imleed, It was quite unintentional,"
tll the unfortunate Charlie, In de
lIr. "1 have been looking for you"
j 1 have lieen silting here the last ten
iiiuutes, and you passed me Just now."
I "I cmv a blue aud white dress," ac
poBifilgcd Charlie, "but some people
jrame l et ween It and me. Won't you
forgive uie and dance this? It Isn't too
ilite."
I think my mother wants me." said
bill"'!, rising with dignity.
iiiiy I take you to her?"
"No. thank you."
Cliarlie only got tinrdoned when ev-
pbocly was going. He was mud with
Liniself. I.ut could not brlnir himself to
jH'kiiowledge the renl reason of his ap
jiaient neglect. He was sensitive Blsmt
"'e constant mlstnkes. They went
liai'iienlng. of course, the one Isabel
langlilng at lilm, which he drentled; the
(itlier turning linughty and offended.
He offered some flowers to a Dennlsou
frl "ntf 'biy and she snld demurely,
"Are j on sure they were meant for
citV
"Whom else could they lie meant
r Klll'l Charlie, sentimentally.
"Jly cousin, perhaps she's over
tlilTe." Kllld tll L.lt-l ,i.rrll,- ll,i..r..
flus!M n unutterable confusion, and
""k lui.-k the flowers, scarcely knowing
Mt he did. And when he turned away
w met the scornful eyes of a girl who
tow 1. the IsalH'l he wonted, liecause
Klrl he had left wnsn't alio 11 una
lUte liiiH)ssil,le to present the flowers,
""1 he made a crestfallen escape as
"Jon ns he could.
"'"!! It: I'll end nil this'" h ol,l.
"srl'y. one day. "Uut I shall have to
careful, if i nni i,,.,.ii ,.,...wMfiii
"'t I u arry the right girl. It would
II1I!V n,.b. ....! It t .il l.... II
III III 'I II 1 lllllll I.
'lit OIltMII-tlltlltn l..n..-n l,.t,
. """'J nTIIH-ll UIIUIIU II..-
hnuds. fur he was Invited to spend
"'ek at a country house where the
iMIlh-l o-nil nl i. I. .1....
. ftuui nou lier iin,iii i.
"V Mlt IW-Vt I,... .1 ... 1.1.
Pst delight saw no other lsnliel.
Kiinii ij a inrg,.r party to-nior-w-
said the young lady; "my cousins
ir enml,,.. -i
"Tl'e the IlennUr.n.r' rimrlla nl-
fOst K.1SIK.J
Till ... . . . ...
...iuiuiuuij: Ana imhu ia
w had ueh an odious habit of dress
' ' the name colors! Why didn't
- ... uiuereui colored riuoons, niie
ren,.h twin.?
u got along fairly well, with grest
iiMirt ntul i.tnitl,.,. .
-.- ............ n ruing nt miw
ImuIxI Hi iiiiIhimi imiIitIiis the lllirury.
He kni'w It wait Mm oiu, Iwiihiho hIic
mm un n Krny (ircHK, wiiorcnM hor i'oiih
la tin il worn a khh-u one during the day;
otherwise It wiim too dark to siv Iht
fi'iiturc. lie followed her luto the
room.
"The nlcPMt time for a phut." he mild
and hIip made a niovetiicnt mh If to leave
the room, ilittlni; toward a further
door.
'Yen. I.ut I'm afraid I enn't may," mie
Bit lil. "1 only came to feteb Homelhiug
1 left l.ere."
"Well-but don't go "lay a minute,"
mild Darre, etureatlugly. He had nu
doubt at nil uboiit IiIh uceuraey iih to
Identity; her deitlre to e ue from him
wui a Htire proof, let alone other; for II
wan prs'lKely the deitlre hhe had nhown
In the liiMt few tlayx, and which he took
iih a favorable nign. '.MIhh Ieniiison
Isuliel-iini I mlHtakeii In thlnkliig-lii !
hoping you know you fturcly iiiiist '
know that 1 love you " i
The cirl hail kIihhI Kt III for a rccoihI,
while Charlie rushed on with IiIk dec
In rat Ion, but Hhe interrupted him lui'i !
Ily-
'IndiM'd. Mr. Pacre, I'm afraid "
"Itou't hay that," mild (.'hinile, going :
nearer; "ull tlione wm'kH In town-dowu '
here, when we have becu thrown ko
much together 1 Mircly have not iiiIh- ;
uudcrHtotHl "
A Milled xoiiiid ciiino from the dim fig
ure licfore him, w hether laugh or what 1
he could not tell; but he Middciily Part
ed back, and In ho doing came face to ;
face with another Isabel lu a gray '
drcrnt. j
If the earth had opened mid nwallow
ed lil in Charlie would have boon thank- i
fill. This wan the crowning disaster.
Neither Isabel mlrred; which, In heav- 1
en's inline, was which? To whom had
he proposed? How should he ever
know he had got the right Isaliel? j
He recognized after the first wild 1
movement that he must Have the situa
tion, lie approached the newcomer, '
who eyed him disdainfully. I
".Miss Heiinlson-Isaliel," he began. '
"Which Miss lienulson do you Intend '
to address, Mr. Iucre?" he demanded
sillily. i
"How the deuce nliould I know? It
Is nearly dark and you both evade me."
"You had iK'tter puinue your conver- 1
sat Ion w 1th the lady you seem to recog- 1
nlze iK'st, and I will retire." I
The other Isaliel sprang forward. i
"Dou't lie a goose, couslu," said she, 1
half laughing, "and you. Mr. Icre.
wait a minute. You know very well, '
Isaliel, It's nil a mistake, and I'd have
Interrupted Mr. lncre ln-fore only he
was ho Impetuous I hud no time. He I
didn't mean me at all " i
"Mr. lacre doesn't seem to know 1
whom he means," said the olTcnilcd lu
bel. "I know very well when I can sec :
them," murmured Charlie, nearly J
crushed. "Here gocH for it light." j
lint when a bhize of light Illumined
the rKim only one Isaliel remained.
1 lucre took her hand. j
"You are the one," he wild. !
"Are jou quite nureV" Hhe asked,
archly.
"Ah! that's cruel! Of course, I am. I
What will you nay to me, Isabel-for-
give me and " I
"Love you," whispered Isaliel. I
"I hope If the right one," said Hal
lantyne, when the marriage ceremony
w an over; "but uhiii my word, he was
almost taking the brldemnld's hand lu
Htead of the brlde'sT-Loudon Slur.
Cnt le Bum's r'lrt I'oMtagr.Siamps.
"Fifty years ago-in July, l.MT-l'u-cle
Sam Issued his llrst postage
stamps," writes I'limile Muck I,othrop
lu the Ladles' Home Jotinuil. "hi
Kngliuwl, seven years before, Howland
Hill, 'father of the penny post.' Intro
duced the 'sacking plasters. as Uie
stumiis were contemptuously culled.
John M. Mies, our rostiuaster-tieneral
at that time, trl.-d heroically, but In
rain to move Congress to nnthorlxe
stumps for this country. Ills successor.
Cave Johnson, was more fortunate,
and the bill deslre'l approved on
March 3, lN-t". the stamp. not lielng
Issued, however, till August, though
the time apislntel was July 1. Only
two value of new stamps were In
troduced lu 1M7-" ' a " '''",
stump. Iicaru.g. rcsMctlvely. the K,r
trait of Franklin In a bronze tint, and
Washlngt'ii In black.
'The llrvt purchaser of stamps In the
fnlttil States was Ilenry Show, the
father of Henry Wheeler Shnw.l-tter
known as Mush Hillings. the humorist).
Mr ihaw was In the Postiiiuster-Ceii-end's
offlee on August . 117, when
Mr Johnson entered with the printer
from whom he had Just re.vlv.-d sheets
of he new stamps. Mr. Johnson pa
,h1 sl.-et to Mr. Shnw for in--twn.
Vfter giving slami a hasty glance
Mr Shaw, perhaps with an eye to
I ...... f. took out his wallet, cunt-
1 out fl'ft.-en cents and purchased one
Svnr-ety. The -five' he ke,, as
curloHy
ii. T , il il. r i,i-- ,,
Brtgtf" as an appropriate
Goreruor
gift.'
. ....rrpUotne hcorplon.
Thes.vn-H.nu.tl- most quarrelso.
creature In the '-' Two l'1'""1 f
other to death-
A man hears and reads a great deal
Jr.. 'boat lov. In the course of. Oay
tbu hs set
THE ONLY WHITE BUFFALO.
'em .ml Cl,.,a by ller.. bo,
Never C.uubt.
I'urliig the luiumer of IMS band of
Indians returning from hunt far out
lu the plains brought i nrU.t of ,mv.
" -'ti at dltrt r. u tin,, ni;d lu differ
t ut place, and always lu tl. eei.t, r of
n large herd, a w liito butTalo. They
luid us.il their bet ,rseii 111 the ef
fort to overtake it. to no purimse. never
being able to get anywhere uear the
nulu.al. At tlriit we did not my much
nttelillon to these slorles. but still It
kept cropping it,, fnnu different catups
nnd at last, lu the fall of W.'i, 1 myself
had a chance to verify tlie truth n'f the
'ix'rt. I had been sent on duty north
along the lted Peer Hirer, and was
cumped near a large Uind of Ithiek
feet. who were hunting south of that
river. The buffalo had mured uorth In
vast numbers, nnd the prairie was
black with th,.,,,.
1 had gone one one morning with a
imrty of Itlaekfeet to see one of their
hunts, and also to try aud kill It for
myself. My home was a good one, and
much faster thau any belonging to the
ludlan hunters. I had got detached
from the party, becoming tired of the
laughter, and must hare been at least
twenty miles from tlie camp, when I
made for a small clump of timber not
far off. Intending to mast a portion of
some bufTalo meat 1 had on the saddle
with nip. As I approached the wood
a Imnd of about one hundred animals
burst out from the brush and made off
to the south, and, yes, most certainly,
in the middle of them was a white biif
fulo. Although they were a quarter of
a mile away, there could be no mis
take aliout It, he was there ns large ns
life, and unite white, and running like
a deer. There was no time to much
more than take lu the scene, but I gath
ered up the reins nnd was after him.
determined to bag that bufTulo or kill
my horse.
Oh. whut a race It was, mile after
mile; and although ull the bund, with
the execptiou of about a dozen, hud
split off and gone In different direc
tions, the white animal, with his body,
guard of utiout a dozen, kept at about
the same distance ahead. I could
catch a glimpse of him now and then,
ami there was no doubt he was snow
white, (iet within a shot I could not,
for mnny miles. At lust they began to
tire, and, although my horse was tired
also, I had good hopes of coming up.
and getting a shot. Alas! for such a
chance. Of a sudden my horse lurched
forward on his nose, sending me over
his head onto the prairie, nnd turning
a somersault himself, missing me only
a few- feet. He had put his foot luto
a badger hole, unci brought hopes of a
white rolie to a sudden eiitl. r'oruii
aud Stream.
Itird's Friendship for a Hoy.
It Is a rare occurrence for animals.
In u wild state, to select man for a
companion and friend, yet well-authenticated
Instances wheu this has bccll
doue ore u mutter of record. The fol
lowing instance U vouched for by my
coiresKili(lont, a young wouiuil w ho Is
a close and accurate observer: "Last
week my brother (a lad of 1-) killed
a snake, which was Just In tlie act of
robbing a song sparrow's nest. Kver
since then the male sparrow Iiiih shown
his gratitude to Ceorge In a truly won
derful milliner. When he goes Into the
gardeji the sparrow will tty to lilm.
sometimes alighting on his head, at
other times on his shoulders, all the
while iKiurlng out n tumultuous song
of praise and gratitude. It will ac
company him ubout the garden, never
leaving him until he reaches the garden
gate. George, as you know. Is a quiet
boy, who loves animal, and this may
account, Ul a degree, for the sorrow's
extraordinary actJoiw."
1 urn perfectly convinced that the
nesting blitls ou my place know me,
and that tliey remenilier me from one
uestlng-tlme to another. I have re
peatedly approached my face to within
a foot of setting birds without alarm
ing them. On one occasion I even
placed my hand ou a setting cardinal,
which merely fluttered from U-neiith It
without evincing further alarm; yet no
wild bird hint ever evinced toward my
self any sieclul degree of friendship.
When I was a lad I rememlier that a
certain decrepit old drake would fid low
me like a dug, and which upiH-ured to
enjoy himself In my society. I could
uot appreciate his friendship thin, nnd
greatly fear that I was, at times, rather
cruel to the old fellow. IoulsvUlt
Courier-Journal.
New Color Names.
If tlie latent additloiLs to the nomen
clature of fashionable colors be geii-r-nlly
adopted by milliners and dress
milkers, ladles will bo much puzzled
when the' come to choose their hats
and gowns for early autumn wear.
Thus It apiicurs that manufacturers are
offering to the wholesale buyers reds
dintLngubdiod as "sport," "Cretan," and
"Athenian." "Uolf" and "spiritism" are
1M-W shttdes of blue; some exceedingly
brilliant greens have lecn tleii.imlniited
the "asparagus" and the "Krln," and
silvery grays are to Is- known as "alu
minium" Bi'i.l "nickel." "Untnd'mcre"
is n luvender tint, and recent events
In the States have made a distinction
In yellows, ns dollar-gold-' and "Me
Klnle.v." "Josephiit" Is hnrdly sug
gestive, but It mentis a grass green;
-apotheosis" Is n pink, and "recnmler"
la nn orangc.-linhin Telegraph.
Iluy Fruit Instead of Only.
"I wish," said a doctor the other day
ad he watched a group of school chil
dren troop out of a candy store, where
they had liecu spending their is-niiies,
"that I could form a society among
Utile folks lu which each iih'iiiIht
would take a pW'dge to hkii1 all his
issket money for fruit Instead of
candy." h seemed a funny way of
putting It, didn't It? Hut Uie physician
was very much In earnest, and nt the
moment It probably occurred to him
that as children like dulis. an antl
candy club would lie a very good one
fur them. He wanted to do two things
to stop -l"'lr -a11"' n,v unhealthfiil
aweet ond to coa Uu in to eat more
fruit. An apple or a banana or an
orange can usually, one or Uie other
of them, Is? bought for the price of a
Utile candy, and the fruit la much
better lo every way Uisn the sweet
Sew Ysrk Times.
gome men hsre no other genius ex
cept that they are always able to And
the warmest places In summer, and tht
i coldest places la winter.
7W INI cj-. .
A customer i!ihihh1 Into a Umk
seller's the other day tsnys the Hisik
maul and asked for a copy of "The
Lady of the AriKistook." The clerk
seemed to lie lu some doubt uIhiiU the
title, bin after a moment's coiisultutioti
with another siilesmau, he came for
wurd and said, blandly: "So sorry we
haven't got The Lady or the Rooster,'
but we cuu give you 'The Lady or the
Tiger.' "
Stephen Clrard, the lutldcl million
aire of riiiliidelphiii, ou one Suttirduy
ordered ull his clerks to come on the
morrow to his w hurf nnd help unlond a
I i. urnteii snip, tine young mini
repiitHi, quietly: "Mr. Clrard, I can t
work on Sunday." "ou know the
rules." "Yes, I know. 1 have a mot It
er to KtipiHirt, but I can't work on Sun
days." "Well, step up to the desk, and
the cashier will settle with you." For
three weeks the young mnn could tlml
no work; but one tiny a banker came to
Clrard to ask If he could recommend
a iiuiu for cashier In a new bank. This
discharged young man was nt once
named ns a suitable person. "Hut,"
said the banker, "you dismissed hlin."
"Yes, because he would not work on
Sundays. A man who would lose his
place for conscience's sake would make
a trustworthy cashier." Ami he was
appointed.
Mark Twain once attended a mission
ry meeting lu Hnrtford. at which a
mlssluiiary made an address. After
listening to the agonizing stoiy of .suf
fering, Murk Twain snld to himself:
"Fur Cod's sake, send Oiat plate
around, so that 1 can pour my sym
pathy Into It. I ll give you these four
one hundred dollar bills, and If I can
get a piece of paper, I'll w rite a check
for something more. I can very well
spare a little money for a en use like
that." Hut the lecturer went ou tnlk
lug, and its he talked, Twain's enthusi
asm en lined. "And when the mission
ary had been talking tor half an hour,"
he continues, "I had saved one of those
bills, and when he hud talked live min
utes more two of those bills were
mine again, and when he hail been
talking an hour I had won nil four
back, and, by gush, when lie tlnnlly dltl
send Unit plate round, I iNirruwed ten
cents out of It to pay my care-fare
lioine."
President Lincoln, when he was n
young lawyer practicing lu the courts
of Illinois, was once engaged lu a case
In which the lawyer on the other side
made a veiy voluble speech, full of wild
statements to the Jury. Lincoln opened
his reply by saying: "My friend who
has Just spoken to you would lie all
right if It were uot for one thing, aud
I don't know that yuii ought to bin me
ti I in for that, for he can't help It. What
I refer to Is his reckless statements
without any ground of truth. You have
seeli Instances of this lu his speech to
you. Now, tlie reason of this lies lu
the constitution of his mind. The mo
ment he begins to talk, all his mental
operations cense, nnd he Is not rcSHin
slble. He Is, In fact, much like u little
steamlHiat that 1 saw ou tlu Sniigamon
Hirer, when 1 was engaged In limiting
there. This little steamer had a live
foot Isillcr anil a seven-foot whistle,
and every time It whistled the engine
Btupped."
A member of Congress was gultlg
home very late a few nights ago (the
Washington post says), w hen ho met
a young man who was hopelessly
drunk. The Congressman hnpiH tieil to
know where he lived, and kindly guld
ed lilm home. The Congressman hud
no sooner pulled the bell than the door
was flung open untl a tall and vigorous
w oman appeared. She said not a word,
but gruhlicil the Intoxicated young mnn
by the collar and gave him a slinking
that fairly loosened his teeth. Into the
hall she shook lilm nnd slammed the
door. The Congressman wns descend
ing the steps, when the door opened
ngulli nnd Ids friend flew out as If
flung from a catapult, lie lauded at
the foul of the stairs, nnd the Congress
man picked hlin up. He wns very
much frightened, and he wns almost
solier. He mnnaged to gnsp out: "We
don't live here. We we moved last
week." The really Interesting thing
would Is- lo know what happened to
the mini who does llvj there.
The lute Judge ltlchard Clarke pre
sided lu the Atlanta circuit of the Su
perior Court w lieu one of the most re
markable murder trials was lu prog
ress. The evidence wus conflicting
(says the Washington I'osti, and tlie
Judge was culled Umiii to charge the
Jury on some new untl Interesting legal
points. The Judge was a rapid talker.
In this Instance It was very Important
that every wortl he sHike should lie
correctly recorded, ami he so cautioned
the stenographer. Then Judge Chirk
began. As he w armed up to his charge
he wus sH!iklng at the rate of two
hundred nnd fifty words a minute.
Once he glanced toward the stenogra
pher. That worthy ofllclul seemed to
be half-sleeping over his work anil ap
parently writing very slowly. "Mr.
, Mre you getting my words down
correctly?" asked the Judge. At this
the stenographer si'cmcd lo wake up.
With lltth nccrn he replied: "That's
all right. Judge, tire away. I nm about
fifteen words ahead of you now."
Kind Fate having taken me to I'urls
(says u w riter In il"' Sketch), I snt In
a corner of the Cufe tie la I'ulx with a
native Parisian. Simiii a cohort of ruga
mutllns Invaded the Isnilevards with
the last edition of Le Jour. My friend
stayed a punting gamin, produced a
French js'iiny. and tsik his Ave cen
times change. I stared a bit, for the
boy wus so MKirly clad that a profit on
the pnHT might have lieen looked for.
"We nre very different from you Im
doners," remarked my friend, guessing
my unssiken thought; "our ior have
a code of honor- they work for their
living. If I had offered that pnpcrlioy
the change, he would have told me
Hint he workiil for his living, and did
not beg. I should have Insulted him
with the gratuity." I said nothing, but
thought a great deal. Home half hour
later the same liojr repassed. I bought
a copy of his paper, and gave hlin twen
ty centimes so ostentatiously that my
friend could not fall to see me. Thert
was a grin, the first syllable of mercl
and the Inst of monsieur, and the
gamin turned tbs corner, probably
rushing to Invest the fortune N'for '
the banks closed. I looked round to my .
companion, anticipating a remark.'
"You will see," be said, turning o Le i
lour, after a moment's silence that
might have been felt, "that C recce Is
now suffering the penalties of her ruli
lit us uiul folly,"
The Yap Hollar.
First and last there have been man..'
different kinds of dollars In the Cul
led States-sliver dollars, gold dollars
and multifarious paier dollars of some
times dubious value; and lu oilier coun
tries. Iron, platinum, brass, tsuic. Ivory
and even wheat and cotton goods, have
done duty ns money. Hut the oddest
"dollar" ever seen thus far, jierhaps, Is
that coined, or rather quarried, by the
chiefs of Die Island of Yap. one of the
group of Caroline Island In the South
aclllc.
These Yap coins are even more cum-
IsTsome to curry about than the great
silver "daddy dollar" of our own laud.
Vastly more cuuiliersoiiie. Indeed, since
I hey weigh eighty pounds upUfc and
are ovec two feet In diameter! A de
faulting cashier would certainly have
tlltllculty lu absconding with tunny of
(hem!
Two of these strange pieces of money
may now lie seen lu the National Mu
seum at Washington. They are cir
cular disks of corn 1 1 lie rock, dull w Idle
lu color, yet apparently crystalline,
twenty-six Inches lu diameter and
from three to four Inches thick. At
the center of each there is u round hole
two inches and a half lu diameter.
The Yap chief enjoys a inonoply In
this singular sort of coinage. When
In want of money, he has but to send
his slaves to the quarry to fashion us
uintiy tint "dollars" as he needs.
His treasury Is a number of long
poles set ou supports In front of the
royal hut. The dollars are strung on
the Hiles like Is'iids lu a necklace; and
the number of strings of these great
stone dollars possessed by a chief Is
the gage of his wealth ami resicctiilill
Ity.
Hut If utility should be a character
istic of money, a dozen grindstones
piled on a pole would Ih' of more value
than the whole of It.
fr'oiiled the Old Man.
When the young married man tells
this story he makes sure that his fath
er is not within earshot.
"I never hud but one fulling out with
the governor," lie declares. "When I
went home one evening and told him
that I was engaged, hecross questioned
me like a lawyer and each answer In
creased Ids wrath, till he positively fur
bade the bans. 1 have something of n
temper myself, and, after n stormy In
terchange, we agreed upon u compro
mise. He did not like the girl's fam
ily. He would have It that she wus a
fortune hunter. He could never up
prove of her under any circumstances,
lint If I would go aliroad fur two years,
see other women, hold no communica
tion with my llancee and then return
to marry her, he would Interpose no
obstacle. I ncccptctl his terms.
"After I had liccn lu Paris I met nn
American girl who was lu nil respects
my Ideal. She was with a weallhv
aunt, whose mime she hail taken ami
whose fortune she was to Inherit, I
wrote the governor about her, sent lilm
the opinion of some of my cotiiiirymeii
whom he knew aud said his scheme
had proved a good one after all. With
his permission 1 would wed the -tl:l !u
Purls.
"He cabled his permission and Ms
approval, but lu the letter that follow
ed there was a tone of mild rcproval
for my Inconstancy. You notice that
my wife Is a prime favorite with lilm.
He never tires of singing her praises,
ntul doesn't allow a day to go by with
out reminding me how he saved uie
from the blunder flint would hint'
spoiled my life."
"Hut wasn't It a little hard on ti e
olle you left behind V"
".Vol nt nil. She's the slime girl I
met in I'urls. Hut he doesn't know It,
and I mean that he never shall." I e
Irolt Free I'ress.
He Deserved It,
Llpplticott says that the llama of
South America U one of those anliiuiln
which are, lu one way or another, ex
Nrt markstneii. When annoyed and
uugry, It gives an exhibition of its won
tlerful skill In hitting the obj.i t which
has excited Its Ire. The llama's wciiimui
Is Its mouth, Its bullet Is composed of
saliva ami chewed hay.
Sevcrul years ago, says the writer, nl
the Fair Croulids Ul St. Umls 1 wit
ncssod ull exhlbltlou of this creature'
exH-ctrutlng siwer. In w hich the vic
tim wns a country ls'iiu, who cume
near liming his sweethenrt thereby.
The young iiuiu wns one of those self
sulllcteiit Individuals who Imagine that
knowledge sits enthroned lu the temple
of tlielr own personal Intellect, nutl that
whut they do nut know Is uut worlb
knowing. The llama siood In the mid
dle of Its Kn, llftcen feet or more
away. The young man was annoying
It by throwLng clods of dirt at It, ami
tapping his cane on the rails of the
s-n.
.. I saw by the creature's act Urns tlml
It was angry. Tlie rapid movement of
tlie Jaws Indicated Hint It wns prcpar
lug for attack. 1 warned the young
man, ntul told lilm what to expect. Ille
sweetheart Is-ggcd him to desist and ti;
come away; but he treated by warning
with derision, and told the girl that lie
"knew his business."
Suddenly there came a whizzing,
whistling noise, followed by a shnri.
sput. The young wiseacre Iny siipltn
Usm his back, his eyes ntul forehead
plastered w ith a disgusting mixture of
saliva, buy and mucus
"I hate a fool!" said the girl, us she
shouldered her pnrns.il and walked
awsy.
I snw t li.-in again In the monkey
house, some time afterward, but the
man was a changl Is-lng. He had
learned his lesson In decorum.
Hbarks uf Old.
The inislern shark is deteriorating.
In ages gone by there were fens-lout
harks, such as would m.ike a mouth
ful of you without blluklng. 7C
fe! In length. I'lenty of tlielr teeth
have Is-en found which are .1
Inches In length, whereas Uie biggest
of the teeth belonging to sharks that
exist at tlie present day are 1V4 Inches
Ion-
Force of Frees ng Water.
The thickest artillery shells are burst
by the expansive force of freezing
water.
SUITOSB WE SMILE.
HUMOROUS PARAGRAPHS FROM
ThE COMIC PAPERS
I'teusnnt Intidrnt. Oecurrlna tlio
ii orM tlvrr- h. lug. tti.l Are Chrrr
ful lu (Mil or Yuuiiu - Funny Krlvc"
Men. that Kvertiod7 Will trlnjiiy.
M.klna lilm t'.rful.
"Pld you eer hear alsmt that honk
agent's hard link)"
"No What was It?"
"lie struck a mesmerist. She hyp
notized lilm Into (he back yard aud
made him beat carpets for live hours."
- 1 et roll Free Press.
On Kiiniil,
Frcshy-Professor. Is It ever possi
ble to lake the greater from the less?
Prof. Putterby Tliep Is a pretty
close a pmaeu lo It when conceit Is
taken out of n freshman.- Indianapolis
Juiim::!.
1 he llo'ili-r nf a Krcnnfu
"Who Is that lank party with the
luedalsV" nskeil the drummer.
"That Is our town champion," the
mini grocer explained, "lie has got
Ids picture In the papers more times
for belli' cured of mure different ills
eases than any mini lu the Culled
States."- Cincinnati F.nqulrcr.
An lifiio.tnr.
Tramp- Madam, will you give a hun
gry tramp iiilhlu t' eat? I'll saw yer
wood, mow l her lawn
Woman at the Ioor-Clt out! Yew
ain't tin tramp. New York World.
"1 h. Hullnaj I'a.alnn."
"He was n liar to the lust," said the
editor,
"lie was'"
"Yes. lie swore he would die with
Ills hoots on and they lynched hllil lu
slippers." A tlanla Constitution.
!nrn.qucntlal.
Ills I.uiNhlp-Hut you Americans
make such a row alsuit the most Incon
sequential things, don't ye know."
Miss Ciiluiiibiii - Yes, I suplmsc It docs
antiay you to Ih- so lionized.-letrult
New s.
Irfliirnce of a tlii.nl K.i-r,
St. Louis (llobe-I)emocrat.
A Wlae Preliminary.
"Slulililns Is greully respected by Ids
children; they didn't laugh wheu he
wus learning to ride a wheel."
"No; 1 tickle Stubblus told me that
their father waa going to give them
each a quarter If they woultlu't." Ie.
trolt Free Press.
Placing! Her.
"It was a funny thing," snld the
t range lady lu the comer grocery, "but
lust Siimlny my husband wns the only
mnn III the church who wasn't asleep."
"I reckon," replied a Iteulwii, "that
you must be the minister's wife."
Yonkers Stntssinan.
Ooiiil Hea.on.
She-It Is reinnrkuble what confi
dence that Mrs, Storms has lu her hus
band. Helieves everything he says.
He Well, why shouldn't she?
"Why, man; he's a clerk In the weath
er bureau. Yonkers Statesman.
Her I refrrenra.
Hose-Why do you prefer Charley
flllllg lo Fred IVItou? I think Fred's
twice tlie man that Cluirley Is.
Minnie-lie tuny be, but Charley
buys mud the finer candy. Cleveland
Lmiler.
Naturally fnrerlaed.
"Hid yo i know, children, that Methu
selah completed nine centuries?" ask
ed the S iliiln y school teacher.
"IHili t know they had bikes In those
days!" came from one of the bright
ones.- Yonkers Statesman.
fin ThoiiuMa About lbs ''nlcher.
Fu ldy Hii ween you ami me, I be.
llevt my wife thinks more of the butch
er I 'in n she tlocs of me.
iHiddy-You dou't mean II!
Fu.ldy-I do, but I am not Jealous.
I) .ddy Not Jealous?
Flddy You wouldn't lie surprised If
yr , knew what kind of thoughts she
f uks uf hlin.-Huston Transcript.
' Hoped Not.
"William, 1 hops 1 didn't see you
wink at thst girl!"
"No, tuf dear. 1 nop you didn't"
rrriwr
mm
III
Nnl a litai-nnra nn K trarananc.
Wife (nfter returning from church)
Ynu should have been at church this
iih ruing. We had a beautiful sermon.
Husband - I'll bet you cuu't repeat
the text.
Wli-Yes, I can. It was the tenth
verse of I he sixteenth chapter of Fze
llel: "I girded I lice about with due
llueil, and I covered thee with silk."
Husband -Hull! It Is no wuudcr jou
remember ll.-llarleiii Life.
More l.lhalr.
"Have you thrown over the bleyrla
fur gwtsl. Miss Hreexley?"
"No. It wns the bicycle that did all
the throwing over."
Illlaafnl lanoranr.
Mr. HiiITuiii- la II a fact Unit you ran
neither rend nor write?
Illiterate-Ion't know. Never tried
lo do either. Huston Transcript.
IllaCiomt Work a.
Some well Inteiitloiied person, cate
chizing another Individual. Inquired:
"My guild man, do you ever do any
thing to bring light and purity Into the
lioincs of your fellow-men?"
"Yes. lots," wus the reply.
"You distribute tracts?"
"No, I cleans windows and beats
carjiels." New York Observer.
The Helattnnahln.
A small Isiy, after crltlcnjl) survey
ing the new baby, remarked to his
mother: "He's got no teeth aud no
hair. He's grandfather's little brother,
ain't he, ma ?"-London Fun.
Not Korntten
The Waller- Hog pardon, sir, liars
yon forgotten me?
The Walled-I'm-l believe I did see
you somewhere a long time ago. New
York Journal.
Wanting lilm Off.
Tollver- Can you let me hare 110 for
a week, old mail?
1 inert- What weak old mnn? Har
lem Life.
No! Hone Yet.
' Spats-They say eU'cliiclty will run
the world lu the future, aud that I ho
age of steam Is Mlssel.
StH-rnliHits-Oh, I don't know. There
Is a good deal of vaporing yet. Pitts
burg News. ,
ll.nl In Kind.
P.thcl-You may ask papa, Mr. Van
Ishe.
Ynu lshe-My darling. I'll never b
able to tlml him. He owes me I'Jo.
Wushliiglou Stur.
Her Awe.
He This record says you were born
III 1SIMI.
She Thnt la correct. How old would
you say I nm?
"till, almut fio."
"You horrid thing! I'm not 23 yet!
Yonkers Statesman.
I ha tumbled It.
"1 have bis'U told," anld she, as they
snt In a shady corner of the iorch,
"Hint you hnve rather grasping ills.
IHisltltui."
"You don't believe It, do you?"
"Hear me, no. 1 have never seen you
exhibit the least sign of catching on."-
IudlnuaMills Journal.
II Waau't Particular.
Awful Swell No, my gtod man.
hnw nevah carry mppahs.
Tramp iMin't aologlza, me lord; sll
rcr'll do Just as well for me. Cluclu.
nntt F.nqulrcr.
Waatad.
"It's surprising how Impractical some
Tery learned meU are."
"Yes; there's Prof. Llngwist, for ex.
ample, lie sjietit over half his life In
acquiring a fluency In tilue or ten dif
ferent languages, and then went aud
married a wife who never glvea him a
chance to get a word In edgewaya."-.
Truth.
Hhe Was "Me."
A gentleman who has a telephone In
his house has In his employ a faithful
but stupid (ionium girl, who one day
responded to the ringing of the tele
phone U-ll.
"Who Is there?" came orer the wire.
"It Is I," replied Katrlna.
"And who Is IT
"Why, 1 am I."
"Hut who la IT' came over the wire.
"I am me, my own self," retorted
Katrlna. "How should I be any out
but me?"
"Hut who are you?" '
"I am my own aelf."
"What Is your tinme?"
"Katrlna Hupiicr."
"Well, who la Katrlna Rupnerf"
"Hhe Is me. I. my own self."
And w hen Katrlna heard laughter at
the other end of the line she said, In
dignantly: "1 rill not shtay hers to be made
shoke of," and she walked away from
the telephone, grumbling: "How could
I be any one but me? 1 let 'em know
bow to make a shoke of me!"
Native Christian I'aatora In Ind'au
Flfty years ago there were In India
only twenty-one ordained Chrlstta
pastors. Tbert are now about tfiOQ,
i