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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (July 25, 1896)
EUGENE CITY GUARD. j. u CAaniLU ITaarletar, EUGENE CITT. OREGON. "(Jen. Weyler admit, tbat lie baa lout 10,000 men l3r. he took commaud In Cuba, and the Insurrection la sfrougor tbaa It waa before he weut there. There la nothing, aaya I'lnto, ao de lightful aa the bearing or shaking of truth. For thla reason there la no con versation ao agreeable na that of a man of Integrity, who bear without any Intention to betray, and speaks without any Intention to deceive, i With the opening of the beatod term the man who kills hla wife and then commlta aulcldo once more come Into prominence. The coincidence of tb!a class of crime with a high temperature la perhaps atgnlflraiit of the future atnto of the woman-kllllug brute. At any rata It ought to be. i j The timber wealth of the United States give a yearly product of over a billion dollar, or mow than twice 'be value of the entire output of all the mine. Yet nowhere on earth la the wealth of the foreita wanted more wan tonly than In thla country. Tree and foreata are alaahed down not only with out consideration, but with something akin to contempt i .. j Ilapplnesa la not a privilege, but a duty not a mere outward good that may perns ps come to us, but 'an In ward possession which we are IiouikI m attain. When we remember the con tagloua character of happiness, the strength, courage, and hope It excites by Its very presence, and the power for good It exerts In every direction, we j cannot aoutit our obligation to attain a much of It aa possible, i 1 , The calamity at St. Louis waa under atood by the English newspnper, It nH peara, aa a dlsuater at sen. and they Issued bulletins, saying: "The steamer Bt. Louis baa been wrecked and 1.000 llres lost." It seems hardly credlblo that they should hart come ao dose to the truth. To get the name correctly waa a marked Journalistic achieve ment for Loudon, but In addition to have an approximation of the real number dead seems almost like a stroke of genius. L I The city of Johnstown, Ta., which waa overwhelmed by the waters of a broken dam May 81, 18M), engulfing several thousand people, Is now a hand some and thriving place of 40,000 lu babltauta, having added 10,000 to Its population since that calamity. Johns town lost 7 per cent, of Its citizens In the raging torrent, and yet It Is now ono of the most prosperous cities of its size lu the Stale. American pluck haa al ways been found eual to every emer gency. a ! Not much encouragement to a muni cipal supply of gns Is offered by the ex perience or I'lilladelphla In this line. The wnste of gns reported Is enormous, thelenkngo for ono year reaching 1,002, 140..11S cubic feet, or one-fourth of the entire production. The office and sta tions of the (iaa Bureau used lill.NO.OOO feet, or muro thnn the forty-two police stations, which are open all night. One seventh of the whole supply was used by the city oltlcra, whose Increased con sumption over the previous year wits 10.000.uUO feet. The report Is an exhibit of profligacy lu the city otllces. utid It Is strange that a city llko Philadelphia allows Its suhstauce to lie wasted lu this wanton mauuer. Dr. "Jim" and Ills fellow conspira tors In the Transvaal raid, Hlr John Wllloughby, Colonel White, Major White, Colonel Uray. and the lion. Charlea Coventry, have beeu commit-! ted Tor trial. When Dr. '71111" and hla companions reached Knglnnd the lead 1 waa treated as a popular hero. Jaunty and unconcerned, lie, appeared lu public and lu private only to receive unfeigned congratulations. Lawyers declared that no statute could be found under which It would be possible to arraign Mm. Doctors proclaimed over their signatures lu the press that ho waa a delectable member of their pro-: fesslou In every part of the world, ni.il that, should he remain In Loudon, lie. would become a Croesus In fee. Not a word of honest censure wns uttered ', In Parliament over him or his guiltier friend, Kbodea, who was permitted by Chamberlain to return without surety to the cape. When President Kruger alleged In the very face of the Idolatry that he possessed proofs that the South Afrloau Company had Instituted the raid for stock Jobbing and theft he was laughed at aa a bluffer. Wheu the docu rrsutary evidence waa submitted be fore Sir John ltrldge, the examining magistrate at How street police court, It could not be gainsaid. Instead of a hero who bad risked hla life to procure xteuslon of political and civil privil eges to hla fellow couutrymen In the Dutch republic. Dr. "Jim" and his fel lows were shown to be dclltterate crtin Irala, determined to risk other men's live lu the pursuit of spoils. Cue of the dupes of the gang, a respectable and wealthy merchnnt, committed sui cide In prison at Pretoria. The miser able business la thus ended there In dratb and dishonor. The chartered company haa made no bones of paying tht ransom of HiWOOO by which the other prisoners have been enlarged. It now remains to be seen what British justice will do with Dr. "Jim." An Idol turned to clay ought to be on the look out for the usual couacquence. Surely the cause of the new woman Deeds no stronger advocate than the existence of the trained nurse. Within few year (so few that everybody vividly recalls the dismay and distress of amateur nursing), there tan sprung Into existence a small army of entirely Dew women, against whose claim for precedence there haa not been raised a alugle dissentient voice. At first, as I the case with all new thlugs, the train ed nurse was a luxury, her wagea were such aa only the very wealthy could pay, but the spirit of humanity la too ctlva In our time to allow audi a boon to be an exclusive one for many year. There are now to be had, at any day, any hour, skillful, competent nurse who win go to th home of those who ar 111, for "any tilng from our car fare to twentyflv. cents an hour," as one cheery woman remarked. The birth day of Floreoce Nightingale reminds ns that only a few years ago even camp hospitals were unknown, and the crus tiest peshlmlNt allvo will admit that the organizing of a body of trained wo men whoso business It Is to lighten the Ills of the sick snd suffering was an eminently womanly thing to do. Flor ence Nightingale la seventy six years old, and baa never Ix-cn married, but a grateful world glndly puts down to her credit whole family of children such aa were never seen before. The faith- ful "sisters" In the different churches served long and well, but since science Una come ao decidedly to the fore the striped gown and whlto apron mean a different an attitude toward slckma aa to the mlscroseope and the X raya compared with the time-honored vil lage doctor! simple remodlea. Hos pltala, too, have lost their uncanny at mosphere; the deft hand and cheery outlook of the modern woman baa turned even the aliodo of alekness Into a haven of rest and peai. We can af ford to smile Indulgently at the bicycle when It runs on errands of mercy; we can tolerate short skirts when they leave the hands free to carry comfort to those In need, and we cau well af ford to be patient with the new spirit that wnnta to remake the world when It beglna by training nurses and estab lishing hospitals whose open sesame Is Imply human need. PASSING OF THE HORSE. Thus Fsr Only the Cheaper Grade Hue Hera Affected. Dismissing the horselesa carriage from the Inquiry, the question arises, "To what extent, If at all, does the In creasing uho of the bicycle affect tho sale and use of horses?" It Is a noto rtous fact that horsed have been for ; two or three years past selling for less and ever dwindling values. I thickness. The women then take hold, Thla query has been put to practical ; cutting the steel Into strips as wide horsemen, men who sell horses In this as two pens long. Presses do the cut and other elite, or who art otherwUe! tlug for the women. The steel when Interested: 1 4t leuvca the presses Is shaped like "To what extent baa the Introduction ' a pen, but It flat. The forms mndo by of the bicycle Injured your business; or i these presses are then put Into a red bow do you account for the depreciated hot furnace and when thoroughly heat values of all grades of harness horses I" j ed are takeu out and permitted to cool One of the firs answers I received waa from a dealer whose horse Inter- eats are about equally divided between thla city and Chicago. In effect this la how he looks at the matter. Driving horses of certain grades are not lower In price to any appreciable extent be causo of the "wheel." It ao happen that the liitroi'uctlou of tho Improved and whiten them they are boiled In safety bicycle wns coincident with thii water to which soda has been added. Introduction of power traction on sur- j Tho next step is to place them In a cyl face roads all over the country. Inder which revolves over gas Jets. In New York and Chicago this entire-1 This turns them blue. A number of ly closed a demand for nearly 3o,xl ! other minor details and the pen Is horsoM anuually. and In every other i large city In proportion. Thousands of horses, averaging In value oltout were thereby rendered unsalable, for surface traction. But for this phase of the horse bus' no the public would not now bo Im pressed with the Idiw that the bicycle Is to blame. Speaking of Chicago, how ever, be said: "There certainly Is Pi our section one class of horse whoso sale la Injured by the growing use of the bicycle, and that Is whnt you may call tho second class 'runabout' horse; and In thla respect what la true of Chi cago Is true of New York and every other place where horses are bought and sold and used." Kegardlug the saddle horse, no ruling school manager seemed to think that the wheel mudo much difference. One of them said: "I have my average num ber of patrons, and though many of them own wheels And use them, th.'.v havo not given up their saddlers. If there Is any slight falling off In our business I attribute It to the recent hard times, from which we seem to be only now emerglng.and uot to the bicycle." New York Herald. Paul Potter. These boys who draw on slates and whose time and thoughts are constantly running to pictures sometimes turn out to be great artlsu and leave splendid name behind them. In the great pic ture gallery at Tho Hague, which In at once the pride ami Joy of all true Dutchmen, hangs, among other muster pleceH, the most famous animal picture In nil the world. It Is called "The Bull." It was iNilutcd by a very youiu man, whose name was Paul Potter, and who was only 2'J when he signed this canvas. There are few painting- better kuown, and It Is acknowledge! by art critics to be the most complete work that auy cattle puluter has ever done. Though this Dutchman died at th. age of 2tt. he left behind him 1 10 pic, tures that were all out of the ordinary, while some of them were painted he fore he was Id. He made, when he was 18, a wonderful etching that attracted attention lu the old town of Delft, nnd an artist lu those days had to do excel lent work to secure notice at all. Pot ter's works are greatly prized and are ion... ,., .e prim .pni gauenes or the . worm. iuu may see mem in me ; ,H,sseslon of 40,000 acre of timber t ona nailery In Nmdon; the Berlin. ; lam, ,n Nor,n I,lina it Is estl Irli.niiinii.iinantuaeiinia:ilicll.mi,!e, tuM ,,. ,,, wlll yUM more mltage In St. Petersburg, the Louvre In ,,. A,ufiM t, r i.it. .n.i ...1. Paris, and all Cie art Institutions of the artist' native Intnl. St. Nicholas. Krugrr Millionaire. President Kruger Is estimated to be worth something more than a million dollars, says the Argonaut, lie has been President of the Transvaal re public for fourteen year, and of hla salary, amounting to WtUSH) annually, he ha saved and Invested :to,noo ""nu ,tv" I"""1 ""l ,u every year. Some of M property uear ; uke lu ,,tt0' or ,,llTor l"',,alt7- Johannesburg and Pretoria has In- 1 "j"" creased greatly lu value within the ,A ,V',,,,"', ,n ,l"u,f , past decade. He ha had practically Wnon the fc'". no eduction except what the diligent Wellington, were fighting with the perusal of hi. family Bible ha, af. FrxMich, commanded by .me of Napo for.l.t htnL wii..., h 1......... leon's famous marshals, lu the Span- orne years ago he never left hi. room except to keep political appointments. and ne avoided gazing lu slum win dow. for fear he might he corrupted by the temptation, of the "wicked city," a he call the English metron- oil. He drese alwayt lu black broad cloth, which never seem to be uew. K'lectr.o I tghllnic. There are about W public electric lighting systems lu operation lu the United Kingdom, of which nineteen belong to Indou. No less than tlfty four systems are now run by the mu nicipal authorities. Our new women generally cannot cook, but they can glva dlnusr. 8TEEU PENS. Mare Metal Used la Them this In Making Oana. "Do you know anything about pensr asked a Nassau street stationer of a Mull and Fxpres reporter. "I thought you dldu't Now, let me tell you some thing about the metallic pen that you never dreamed of. It requires the fluent kind of steel to make a flrat i'hins pen. I have been overhauling records and 1 And that a greater quan tity of steel la used anuually In the i pen-making business than In all the gun, sword and needle factories In the world. The recent opularlty of the typewriter has of course diminished the use of pens, but the output is euor i motis nevertheless. "In Birmingham, Knglnnd, there are a number of peu manufactories that turn out a total of 150, oou pens every working week. The majority of the workers are women, and the wages, while low, help to make Birmingham a notable seat of Industry. To make 1,000,110 pen a full ton of steel la re quired. There Is really so much work uhout the manufacture of a pen that It Is surprising they sell as cheaply us they do, but as I have said, the pro duction Is so great It Is a profitable business. Fens have been lu use a whole century now, but forty years ago, when they took the place of quills as tho popular Ink spreader, It was one of the secrets of the age how that slit wns made In the pen. Those employed In that particular branch of the work were obliged to record an oath that they would not reveal the secret of that sllt-cuttlng process. "The secret became an open one, though, lu the natural course of events, am) soon almost every Interested per son knew that the silt was made with a pair of scissors Hxed In a press. Men perform the Initial work. That Is to say, the roll out the steel to the proper ! l.ia-lv Thin liriu.uau mil Iran tlluin anft Then the women Use fast presses that hammer the points as well aa stamp the name of the manufacturer. "This done, the pens are heated again nnd while still hot are enst Into oil. They are much harder, but dirty ami greasy when taken out. To clean packed and ready for the market. Whether It be the rich or the poor mnn's peu the mode of manufacture Is alike." Homage Paid to "Sky Htones." Because they come from meteors, twtdli that fall In this way are called meteorites and for very many years past all the meteorites which hare been seen to fall, or could Is? found, have beeu carefully kept, so that they may N) studied. We know, too, that they have fallen In earlier times as well, be cause the histories of nearly all ancient peoples contain accounts of such tx-enr-cuccs, ami of the homage paid to the "sky stoii'ti" by those who thought them gifts from the gods, or miraculous objects. It Is possible that the so-called goddess Diana who wns worshipped by tho jM-ople P.phcau was a meteoric stone. A mass of Iron which proved to be a meteorite was found In Texas a few years ago, at the crossing of a number of trails leading In different directions. It was learned that It had been set up by the Indians ns a fetish, or object of worship; and whoever passed by was expected to leave upon It bends, arrow heads, tobacco, or other articles as offer ings, since It was regarded as having come from the (irent Spirit. A uot her, which fell In India some years ago, was kept devked with flowers, was dally anointed, and frequently worshiped with great ceremony. There Is preserv ed to this day In the parish church of Kn.slshelm, Alsace, Germany, a stone weighing over two hundred pounds, which fell In the towu Nov. Id, m2. Tho king, being near at tho time, had tho stone carried to the cnstlc, and after breaking off two pieces, one for himself and the other for the Duke Slglsmund, ordered the remainder to be kept In the church as a miraculous object; and It still hang there, suspended by a chain from the vault of the choir. St Nicholas. Folly of Forest Destruction. Tho devastation of forests still goes goes on In various parts of the country, which, unlike New York, and a few of the Kasteru aud Middle States, do not appreciate the value of trees. Un fortunately, this appreciation, even In the F.ast, has come too late. It Is proudly announced In a Western paper ,hat , art .jmileate ha acquired ,oxv ,,,;, , wMtB Pi t aml tamarack. The arid waste which It will also yield Is not taken Into con sideration In this estimate. Americans have too long looked upon trees a In their way unless they could be used to build fires or for commercial pur poses. This was true a hundred year ln 0,"''y. ,lt rtw who tah W?lm' ',,, curved during the battle of Ta la vera fought ou a hot day lu July, 1M09. Tho M'n " rr,U'",mI0U'et ,n ,n',,,ttt t,,elr nri"- the and with one accord met at a stream tu'd- wr between the llnea of battle, where they quenched their thirst, and Oiled their canteens Itefore resuuilug the con flict. The day was o hot that human nature proved stronger than discipline - the authority of thetr commauding omeer. M. Nicholas. Gen. Nherman'a Prodli-llon. In 1SS7 (Jen. Seruian predicted tbat Mth moat terrlbl war ever known will take place In America before th and of th century." TOO DRAMATIC Bis Talent Was tho Cndolng ef a I Noted Vermnnter. 1 Court of law are now, astbeyalway ! have been, orasloualy the scone of thrilling dramas of reu! life, played out j t'i the end In-fore eagerly Interested spectator, who become nrdent parti san of plaintiff or defendant us tho ' case progresses. Lawyers realize tbo dmmutle value of the trials lu which 1 they take part, and still continue to appeal to tho sympathies ns well a to the reason of Judge, Jury and lookers on. ! Nevertheless, logic and skillful que. Honing now pluy a far more Important ; part thun oratory In court, uud the : grandiloquent speche of muuy of the , famous lawyers of an eurller day, should they be redelivered In our own, : would arouse only laughter; nor would some of the dramatic effects they did ' not dlsdalu to spring upon a startled audience be to-day regarded as relevant or fair. ; Thomas Bortlett, of Vermont, wn nt one time a noted lawyer of singular and 1 Impressive appearance six feet three ' of four Indie In height, with a palsied ; artn and a alow, halting wnlk-Btid wai renowued alike for his flight of elab orately rhetorical oratory, and for his ability to destroy the effect of the same kind of thing lu the mouth of an oppo 1 tient by clever mockery or a sudden thrust of wit In the (ireen Bag Is re ! lnted an example of the effect he could I produce In a cuse which offered an i , portunlty for iatlios. j A poor widow was being sued for debt 1 by a rich and notably. close- fisted man, ; and Bartlett wns assisting the defense, j The cose looked rather like persecution, i and he determined to win the synipa I thle of the court for tho woman. This j I how he concluded his speech: "I urn here at the solicitation of my ' young brother, serving without scrip ' aud without price; I told him I would 1 make no charge. I reconsider. I will j charge, aud he must now promise to re ' pay me. When my shattered form ahull be lying In the grave, and my wife shall be set uion by legal robbers, nnd be I standing by with warm heart nnd large experience, let him como to her defense, as I have struggled to defend bis client here to-day. Dale, will you do str As he spoke ho turned suddenly to his young colleague, and the young man rose to his feet and stretched out his baud. "I will," he answered; nnd the two clasped hands amid u breathless silence In the courtroom, followed by a deep murmur of emotion. The widow, let us hope rightfully, wou her case; but such nn expedient as that of her defender's, though excellent ns a piece of acting, was absurd and Im proper a part of n legal address. The high-flown, nrtlllcial quality of his successes brought about. In the end, his mortifying downfall, at least lu Congress, which was the special goal of his ambition. A Fourth of July ora i tlon, which he had attempted to deliver one yenrnt St. Johnsbury, bad been In I terrupted, and finally suppressed, by I the hoots and tin horns of a crowd of I riotous Dartmouth students. I Instead of keplng a dignified silence under this unpardonable treatment In j which case he would have had the sympathy of the public he wrote nn I Ill-Judged letter of remonstrance, which , drew forth In turn a cruelly clever reply I from the culprits, lu which all Ihirtlett's I peculiarities were exposed, burlesqued, ami made laughably ridiculous. A copy of this production was laid on the desk of every member of Con gress on the occasion of the new mem ber's, first appearance; and of course the House was prepared to receive hltn lu anything but n serious spirit. Klslng to Indorse a proposition which had Just been vigorously attacked, he began to declaim Impressively: "Sir, were It not for the rules of the House, I would pour upon tho oppo ueuts of this measure the phials of my wrath " He got no farther. Mr. Polk, of Ten nessee, was upon his feet In a moment moving, with every appearance of eager Interest, "that the rules be suspended, and tbo gentleman allowed to pour!" Such a disconcerting burst of laughter followed that all possibility of Quir ing" wns over In an Instant, nnd the unfortunate orator could only subside I wrathfullv Into silence nn,1 Mo Emerson and the Guide. Tears ago, when the "Philosophers," a the guide called them, enmped In tho Adirondack, ouo member of ths party occasioned a good deal of criti cism. He devoted himself to reading and "worthless writln'." thus In the opinion of the guides, wasting time which might' have been better spent In hunting and fishing. He was Ralph Waldo Emerson, not then a handsome man. and a writer In the Tim Tti.w. j tells of the lmpressloti tho poet phlloso , pher made on one guide: : There wa one guide who recognized In Kmerson somethlug of his real worth, , and upon whom the poet mndo a great . Impression. i "Steve." aa he was familiarly called, was an observing man, aud the poet's physical defect a, then undoubtedly more prominent thnn In later years, dill ( not escape his eye, as may be seen from the auswer he gave to the question of , the writer of this paragraph: 1 "What kind of a fellow was Emer son?" I "Wal. sir," said the guide, "he was a gentleman every Inch- ulce a fellow as you ever see; pleasant and klnd-and a scholar, too, alius tlggerln. studyln aud writln; but. sir. he was, I believe, ! tho all-flredest homeliest critter for his age that ever came Into these woods." Secured His Bights. Because he carried a hundred pounds of baggage In excess of the amount al lowed to one passeuger, a commercial ' traveler had au amusing exjicrieuce which I described by the Bangor Com mercial The baggagemsster at a ecr talu email town told hint that he must , pay seventy-five cents to have his extra truuk taken to the next station. The drummer knew that this was Just fifty cents too much, but there was no time to argue. He asked the fare to the next etatlou. It was thirty cents. Ha bought a ticket. Then bs presented t his two tickets, and the haggngemaster, not very willingly, checked the trunks! While this was being done, the drum mer asked If there was any on ta the crowd who wii going to the next ta Uon. If so, be added, a ticket could be : bought at a discount H succeeded la -rcM for twenty tLT. mad. th. baggagema.ter furl oua and when the train cam. In he In formed the conductor that the drummer had exces. baggage .nd only on. t U W. The conductor took up he matter where the baggagen...ter left off. bu the drummer told him that on. Lket wa good for one f.re anu - -were good for two trunk, and be would uot pay an "excess" rate. On their arrival at Blank .tatlon. the conductor warned the nation K,'mn, see that "exce" wa collected, me drummer replied that, tmles those trunk were delivered to him l'for the train started, he would remnln on board, go to headquarters aud rcort the case. He got the trunks. BRING IN MILLIONS A YEAR. British Bea Flaberle Far More Valu able than Generally npped. A return ha been made by the Board of Trade giving tatlstlcal table relat ing to the ea fisheries of the I'ulted Kingdom. The tatlstlc relate main ly to fish landed on the coast of En gland nnd Wales, but suinmarlwd statement are also given of tih laud ed on the Scotch aud Irish coasts. For purposes of comparison the statistics are given of tho sea fisheries of Nor way, Holland, France and Canada. As regards Englaud and Wulcs the total value of the llsh landed was lT,4'.lH,m. The corresponding values for 18111 aud 14 were LV171.i0 nnd io.2'Jl,J00, respectively. For Scotland the total valuo was 1.S'M0 nnd for Ireland fKMioo. In Scotland, during the year 1M'5, there has been a slight decrease In the quantity and au In crease ln the value of the fish landed as compared with 1H!I4. In Ireland there was a decrease both III quantity aud value. The aggregate value for the I'ulted Kingdom during the year 1.V.I5 Is 7,ri:!7.ooo. os compared with a total value of 7,2m,Ono in 1W4. The figures for other countries during 1W3 are not at hand, but for 1WM the values were: Norway, fl,272.iK; Holland, uot accurately kuown, but probably less than Norway; France, 4.0S1.000, and Canadian dominion, f4.:'17,OO0. More than half of the total weight of fish landed In Knithiiid and Wales con sisted of haddock and herrings. But their value wns less than a third of the totnl value, viz.. fl.rtM.OUO. out of LV lzO.ono. The more costly kinds of flsb soles, turhots and plaice are. It ap pears, decreasing slightly In quantity and Increasing ln value. A regard the value of all fish, however, the aver age value per hundred weight has slightly Increased during the last three years. As regards shellfish, the figures lu 1S04 and 103 are very similar, but oyster show a continuous decline, the number landed being T.'L'.I.ixn) In ISM, 27,747.H In 1W4 and 25,27J,Oin In lSft.". firlmsby steadily maintains It position as the leading port, with a total of 8.1,000 tons. Next In order follow London, with 52.000 tons; Hull, with 40,000 tons; Lowestoft with 31. 000 tons, and Yarmouth, with 2.S.OO0 tons. London Times. Sherlock Holme Comes to Life. "Hello:" "Hello!" The law clerk wa In communication with the typewriter In another ottlee. "Ah, you have read hair," he re marked. "How In tho world can you tell that?" "A white horso Just passed. Y'our hair Is not very red, though." "How can you tell?" 'The horse Is not very white." "For the land's sake!" "Aud you once lived In the agricul tural districts." "Y es, I did once, but how did you know that?" "By your exclamation, 'For the land's sake!' " "You are from the country, too," ahe declared. "Yes, how did you know that?" "By tho way you rang that telephone bell. You thought you were still turn lug n grludstoue." "Never turned a grindstone ln my life." "Then It waa a feed-cutter or a cof fee mill, a corn sheller or a elder press. It's all one. Aud you have whiskers no, It may be the wind whistling through the telephone wires I hear. Crood-by!" San Francisco Report. Hair I'nder Finger Nails. The barber wa talking. "Ingrowing hair In th. face are often painful," he remarked, "but they aren't In It with Ingrowing hair under the fluger nails. Fact, I assure you. Ask any barber, and he wlll tell you the same thlng.How do they get there? Oh, that's simple enough. In cutting a nmn'a hair, a abort hair very often file off the oheara and lodge under the finger nnll. We dou't notice It nt the time, and It gradually worka It way in until It Is completely out of sight. Then the trouble begins. Sometime It take root aud grows out. but more often It Just stays there aud festers. Does the razor hurt. There you are, sir. Next'" Philadelphia Record. Another Matter. Probably It Is ouly In the old world where human life Is cheap, and ch I dren are often a burden, that such an Incident could have taken place a ouo which Is related In a French paper. ! A woman was found weeping bitterly ! In the street and a gendarme asked her what was the matter. j "Oh! h! I've lost the baby!" 1 "Your baby, ma'am?" I ''Mine? No!" answered the woma... I If wa, mv own baby, do you think Id be boohooing like this? if. " woo hoo!-mistress' Iwihy!" Getting Heady. Grlgsby-Good gracious. n.y dear why are you winding all that barb wlw around your hat? 'ruwire, Mrs, Grlgsby (with determination!- ! m getting U In ,h.p, for ! theater usher who .lares to lav a ban, on It-Cleveland Plain DmJJJ " hauJ , ' 1 flcnerona Man. Bobrey-DId Mr. silupT b i tickets you expected to sell blu7f , B""e , - v ,uc urpnan isvlllml GlullH.y-No;butbeprolls;jV,onwTr,,e a letter exjvslve of hi. aympVt,,??',! the glorlou. cause.-Uoxc, l'panndIown.or8nnim Once more the. ..J conditio,,, com. To gnev. th. country and to. Z. The mercury now nib 1 on' "J Th per.pir.tlon runn.th dowa. Washington Star. I LEx US ALL LAUGH. JOKES FROM THE PENS OF VARIOUS HUMORISTS. ' Pl.a.anl Incident Occurring th. World Over- log.th.t A re Cheer tut . Old or Yonng - Fnnuy fcciectlon. It Ton Will Enjoy. Interpreted. He-Dont you suppose th. wild wavea are beginning to ay something dowu at the aeashoreT Sbc-I dout know. I do know what the winds nr. aujln. though I don t think you do. "No. What do they sayT "Woo!"-Clnelnnail Enquirer. Trlfllna lelav. "Can't I present young Scaddlebury to you. Janette7 He I Just dying to meet your -Not now. Bob-Just wait a little while till he dies aud then we'll talk about If-Harper'a Buzar. Kateful. Mr. Hardlot-One thing, our son John can never bore bis wife by telling her what a flue cook bis mother wa. Mr. Hardlot-What do you mean? Mr. Hardlot-He can never forget that his old father died from dyspepsia. -Kansas City Star. Heat ftuhatitnt. rUpI wonder why they bung that picture? He Perhaps they couldn't catch the artist. The Lonaeat Day in th. Year. '.'V pi1PVI,en shall we Invite mother to spend the day? lie Auy day but June 22. Bankrupt. Dyer What la your business, tiny I ask? Boorish Stranger I am a gentleman, air. That' my business. Dyer Ah! You have failed, I c, Aluat Willie (Just from Oxford) Ah. faw ther, haw dy-do? Haw dy-do? I de clare, you don't kuow me. It'a Willie, you son, don-cher know." Father (sotto voice) And It wos for this that I mortgnged the form! Bos ton Traveler. What He Had. "There goea Snaggs, the dentist; be eeeniH to get along." "Oh, well, he' got a pull." New York Tress. A French Dnet "Are yon going to ths office?" "No, I'm going to fight a duel." "Well, when you return please to stop In nt my dressmaker's nnd tell her to seud up my bodice." L'lllustru do Poche. Governess-Now, Tommy, why don't you stop chasing the poor cat and beat this old dolly Instead? Tommy 'Cos the cat screams aud the doll don't.-London Moonshine." Onllty. Wragged Whisker-Lemme go Jedge; I dldu't do nothln'. ' Judge Quick-Thirty day. "Wot for?" "Vagrancy." Never. Customer howllngly)-Thl tooth ache stuff you gimme I8 the rankest If 11.1 .,f m a j , . ,,. Am, ynu WarrnUte(J 1 It to work like a charm. I Druggist (blandly)-Well, did you ever know a charm to work?-Indla- napolls Journal. The Proper Head.ear. ! I want a mourning hat." said an old lady to a milliner. "Have you lost your husband?" 'No, my sou-ln law." j "Ah then you want a nice bright gay hat with roses." " ' ,.c . , Traaedy. Speaking of Hamlef with Hamlet l-ft out." said the weary and way worn erstwhile Polonlus. "It ain't a marker to 'Hamlet' with the ghost lef" And the Rlalto wns 400 mile, away -ludlauapolla Journal. "y Follcltoua. Servant-Shure, mum, Rover lust "fther bltln' ,be llg av the'butcber Mistress-Dear, dear, how dreadfullv 1 , No Good. I Jjvallua-It Isn't a beauty, that', ccr-Angelina-I d.iare lt., aUaolmlly ! . , Th Bruta. 1 0? ,!fcthere anr of that MU wKnth6 CablDet PUddln P ty Why II. Chased the Cat. "Ton must tak. f0oT warning. "Don't 7, tbhig and don't overexertS'J, "I auppose you ni(.au take a vacation trlpr 1 Vn Il'l... . . . " "" 1 mean Is th.. , Mayaway from the auniB, i? Washington Star. ",er "-""tv, Acrountrrf v.. HIcka (melodramatically. -my hmne la a little heaveo on Wlcka-Tlmt account, fo,, did kuow of auyboy who hurry to enter heavenBo,.,.",!1 cript - "U loublfuk Miss Shunnlry-Are yoq fondof . dren? Mlsa Convert Never tte wj Platota or Knlvea First Nlght-Waa the newpUyta, cess? Pnrquet-Well, don't know; ba, outraged man In the audlenc jj out the OUthor.-Phlladelphl, can. Her Mild Keqnett, A woman Is accused of aitlniBy to poison her husband, who tiling "What have you to say I, foe,. half?" asked the Judge of tafpriw, "I am Innocent. I demind tbt 11 nutoixiy bo made of the plalntlt The Heaaoa. "There'a one thing." he Mld,)r ly, "men never get together itf ubout one another the way wootg v "No," ahe answered, "I don't thut they do. There Is nothln lutrmt! to aay about them." WashlDntoor For. Thing. "Excuse me, my poor fellow, for aa before offering a few wortli of mn once. I dldu t hear of your Vmni ln.ilnff 1 1 Air litmr liai'n ... fc . widower?" "SIuco the death of my dear wife Th. Other View. "How married life doe, flump "From what I have ohwAI should say lt changed twa'-Ti Sketch. At the Doctor's, "The fright that you hail uwl" the notion of the heart which I Impeded the elrculut Jou of the IM hence your sickness." "Whnt will be the resultr "Twenty franca, please." Fncnnrnitement. Her Father Has my daughter tl' you any encouragement, air? Suitor-Well, she said you w ay a very generous parent-nibd pbltt American. A Flylnn Machine. "That boy of mlue Is a reguUr ! machine." "How's thnt?" "He won't woik."-Snn FriM Wave. Want Department ' "A good opening for a small W GltHlstone ii ,j When Mr. iSI-.l-r'V'l atudeut be met witu au - aster In the examination room, when ho went In for bl Oxford ..u. nnr "What books do you la " examiner asked hltn. m (i jt. "It 1 Immaterial to me. . . , Gladstone. "Pray examine me book you like. Then the examiner , , and malicious grin, and p 0 . ...... . I ..h.irlll W of the less read plays of Arisw . , and Invited Mr. Gladstone w - It He could not no y have done so who bad not see fore, and the result was tn stone wa ploughed for ... was more carerui u - ond time. He Kid Have 't tn. "He ha wheels," tlx - "j,.- Her companion laughed 1 11 ly and the man referred to l ger. at each of tbe tur ,f And yet there wa. Utue th. bicycle oealcr Iff- ' MM r4 1 whwla.-N ior