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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (June 8, 1895)
ROYAL Baking IWder is absolutely pure and healthful, composed of the best ingredients, and of the highest strength. It is impossible to make a purer or stronger baking powder. San Francisco Board of Health. ACl'TK DYSPEPSIA SYMPATHETIC HEART DISEASE OFTEN Ai i tnm i f Clarriirr. Iowa, Tells , l. rr.llnB "'"X " jM-rlrll.e Wllh I'llih ' . ... . ..i n .11. ( e Jnr HlD Id". Ii.ws.l r,y v. l urli'y who has resided iu I. .-I'll, for tho pant twenty mo t. lU mi interesting story of "hat .lie i-.u.i.U-M rvue from pn-ma- lure dtittli. it li'- mill f wild 'fiiT I' ll Vram l T r i iiil,-ri-r rru ill H-Uio muiiiiiuii ' .1.. I lonl Hll tllO lllUlllfolll KVIIip. Wiof uniti'llVHlxpHill, BUll ut times nthi'f tnnil'l'" were jir-wiii. -i-"in- .,,ul (IkI not Know wuiii i. h iu .niof S Willi. .-, ... rU'' . . ... . I. .. . ....!!, n.l.M.lllF I Plight m u i iiiu ijuiwvi i" ...i i,n luratioa of uiy food, distress p,,n,UMl i'1"1 1,l,u'' AlinoHt to tho point ,,f iusaniiv ut times, awl would havo t,,u gd t" die. otMl ml ()fUMI 1 tul.l ut rdeip- Kymtmthetio heart trouble t-t i and time and ugaiu I wan obliged t" U a doetor iu thu night t nhivt) midden attacks of suOoeiitiiiu aliicli would ioiiio on without a mo muu warning, ilv roubles increased us time wore mi aud I 'ut ,,l,'K0 8U""' iu (,lH:tor .ills being ii'inoelled to havo medieiil tttudiuits almost constantly. During IMij uml j ivj:i, it wiw impotwiblo for me "to retain food, and WHter briilim tiUKUttl me. I W"" reduced to a skelu. i.u. A ('iuultutiou of physicians was nuaMf t" iletiriuiiio just what did ail me. Tli doctor gave us ns their cpiuioii that tho probable trouble wax ahwatiou f tho coaU of tho utomach tui h lil out no hopoof ruoovcry. Ono due-tor tai'l. 'AH 1 u " rtdiovo tour sutliring ii by tho uoo of opium., ' About thin tiinu a friond of mine, Mrs. Symaiitlia Smith, of (Hidden, Iowa, told mo ubout tho caso of Mr. Thunt"ii, of Oxford Junction, Iowa. Thin laily Niid ho had boon ufllictod muih tho wimo a 1 had. tiho con nulUil local physician without relief, inlv.uitto Uiivenimrt for treatment, liiviug up ull hopo of rcoovory, nho iu imsiiailed by a friend to tako Dr. WilliataV l'iuk i'ill. Tho riwilt wa uluiost magical. I was led to try thorn from her ex lTiiiHv, and U'fore many uiouth I Mt bettor than 1 had for a down jfars. 1 am now almost freo from trouMo, and if through 8omo error of iliit 1 fwl badly, tin Hplondid remedy wis tin- riK'lit again. 1 havo regainea my treiiK(li and am otico nioro in my uu.il tlr-h. 1 hleop well nud can eat without ilii-tres. 1 havo no doubt that 1 owe my recovery to Dr. William' Piuk Tills. 1 only wish that I had heard of them year ago thereby saving niywlf ten year of sulViring nud much uiouey." Dr. William' Piuk Pill contain all the element necessary to give new life ami richness to tho blood und rostoro fluttered nerve. They aro for sale by ull druggist, or may bo had by mail troiu Dr. William' Modioiuo Com luiiy, S hi iurtady, N. Y., for 50o jht bin, or six Ikixc for $2. 00. NOT A TENDERFOOT. Ah liiiinniiitu II a ii in at AVIilili Jim liii,rii Whn .MuMtrr. One day a lot of rustler und all rmiuil thieve und cutthroat rodo into iiiiuiiig towu in Arizona uud prm'wd cd to havo fun. They rodo up und down tin- main street tiring right and li ft until they seared everybody indoors. Tlu n they went into tho principal saloon "f the place for liquor. Jim Diiproe niipiH'iied to bo iu the saloon nt tho time nd, as usual, had no guu with him. Those fellnws caught sight of him, and he was the freshest-looking duck thoy had i u for many a day, thoy started m to havo fun with him. Tho leader of the r:lllp U'iki h niftliill ril11wl LflllLf Haind l'eto. A mv.ni a ho aw Dupree he pulled hi guu and sent a bullet through tho floor right between Jim' fivt. "(live us a dance nud bu lively l'Ut it," shouted Peto, while his gang (Whcred around to boo tho fun. Jim got up without a word and start- in to dancing a regular old Kentucky breakdown. Those follow thought ho s scared almost to death. Ho danced fuud in a circle, and n he camo iu 'flit of tho leader of tho gang hi foot uddeiily shot up and caught Long Haired Pete siniarly under the chin. The rufllan measured hi length on the floor. yii'k as a flash Jim leaped forward ud snatched tho two pistol carried by the leader of the gang. Then, with a mile as innocent a that of a boy ho iiiverod ti,0 gang -,! told them all to danee. They hesitated for a moment. Then Jim ut u bullet through the t of t'ete's lKit, and another through tho "it of Lou Spivey, a member of tho KK. They dauood then, and at tho flrst sign nf a let-up Jim would shoot '"Ut. in (iff soma man's ooat or clip off l"ek of long hair with a bullet Without taking hi eyin off tho gang, J'in told the barkeeper to scud out and t all tho boy to come iu and see the tuu. They ail came quickly enough, u'i Jim kept that gang of outlaw there wneiiig until some of them dropil to 'he tl,ir exhuusted. Then ho made every mail of them hd over hi gun to tho barkoeior, fter which he ordered drink for the fi w.l. When the fun wa over he t 'Id '''' to take hi gang and got out of the Territory H fast a possible and never come Wk. That gang rvxlo out of t"wa the sickest-looking lot of tough nen 1 evt.r Mw gU(1 tllHt ww the lust fc-en 0f them iu that part of the uatry St. Louis UUU-iuocnit. fci i fc r MIRTH AND MERRIMENT. -iIissinnarj-(out Tv'est) Did you ever tO give an enemy'. Had man Wunst. Missionary 1 am glad to hear that. What moved your inner snul to prefer poaco to strife? Had man I didn't have no guu. Mr. Perkins I advertised for a French nurse. Applicant Oi'vo Wu iu PariK, mum. Mrs, P. Not very loug, 1 imagiiio? Applicant No, mum, Oi only sthayed long enough to git tho axcint. "There, my love," said tho young husband, us ho placed it bundle on the table, "1'vo bought you a pair of sleeves." "Oh, you darling!" ex claimed the delighted wife. "I'm so happy 1 Anything will do for a dress." Tho New Woman I should like to look ut some neckties. New assistant 1 Tho uiH'ktio department is farther 1 back. This is tho toilet department. ; I can show you some mustache iuvig orator though. e , Agitated young bridegroom (immedi-' ately after tho ceremony) Serena, shall shall 1 shall wo shall we kiss? Self-possessed bride (it lieing her third experience) It is my usual ens-: torn, Wif.iam. A young womau married a man who told her ho wa au "architect's assist-1 ant." She became disconsolate upon' discovering next day that ho assisted tho architect by carrying brick up a ladder iu u hod. o Old Uacht That' a handsome pair of slipiier you're wearing, Harry. Harry They ought to be; I'm sure they cost enough. My wife inado them, uud then coaxed me out of the price of u sealskin. Yoiiiiur ladv I should like to uivo my intended a little surprise before our marriage. liat would you recom mend. Lady friend Don t wear your false teeth just for once. He Do voti think blondes have more admirers than bruuettes? Slit I don't ' know. Why not ask some of the girls who havo had experience in both ca- i pacities? How is vonr wife?" "I'm her head ha been troubling her n ginl deal lately. ' "Sick lieailnaee.'" "Rot ex actly. Sho keep wanting a new hat J every month." "I wa not aware that you knew him," said Tom Snack to au Irish friend the other day. "Knew him," ho j exclaimed. "I knew him when hi father wa a boy." Extract from the catalogue of a lend ing library: "In the novels and stor ies marked with an asterisk, tho happy couple get marired at tho lluish." Miss Prnyu Where did you get tho design of your servant' livery? Sash Oh, my ancestors used it! Miss P. Iniltf .til! by whom were they em ployed? I Ethel I wonder if ho love mo as ho ' savs? Ho has known mo only u week. Clarissa Ho may, if that's till the time ho ha kuowu you. Ho (sympathetically) You havo a ; bad cold. She (huskily) 1 havo. I j am so hoarse that if you ut tempted to kiss mo 1 couldn't even scream 1 : This much is to bo said iu favor of iw. tnttoi.il mini. While a itreat many i men havo designs upon others his are all upon himself. Sibyl When Steve proposed to mo ho acted like a fish out of water. Triple Why shouldn't ho? Ho knew ho wa caught Wife Here come tho tramp I gave some of my buscuit to tho other day. Husbaud Impossible! That must bo li is ghost. WifoTommy doesn't seem to bo afraid of policemen. Husband Why should he? Hi nurso wa a very pretty girl. . Kr Way ' lrrln ! Hull-. The banged girl is transformed. All the girls are wearing those cun ning little side combs which hold iu place tho unruly tangles of their fluffy front locks. Alsive the comb tho hair lie sleek and smooth a a demure Madonna's; below their restraint the fuzzy euds stick out as if in rebellion at their tutelage. And tho girl will look ut you with big, wise eye and say with that little Mark Twain drawl they all affect nowaday: "It take o loug fur it to grow out again." Even so. Tho Madonna cau become the banged girl iu an hour, but to be come a Madonna again is a task of months. You bocomo wholo-haired again "whil yon wait," so to speak. Wherefore I should counsel deliberation and much weighing of tho pros and cons before becoming a banged girl again. Meanwhile, though, there are the combs. Tho little side combs are meant to be out temporary, and it may not bo in tho best of taste to decorate them, but I havo seen them blazing with ftems. A licttor place for these is tho big back comb, which may 1 shell, with gold panel, or all gold, or may pnxlueo the effect of a tiara of diamonds. 1 hila dclphia Times. An Arlor1 MMHke. Au amusing story wa told some veur ago of K. A. Hotheru, a famous "wit aud actor. Upon a certain even ing ho was invited to two entertain ment, ono for children, and the other reception for grown people. ond of children, Sotheru decided to go to the tmrtv given for the little ones, and thinking it would be a great joke to ko into tho parlor on all four aud roar ing like a bear, ho did so much to the amusement of the guest aud hi own aul.sequent uuhappiuess.for once in the . . ,, . .i... I.,, looked up and niHKlie in iii-- - . , - . Haw that he had made a mistake in the house, and had played for the grewii people and not for th childreu.-Har-per' Yuag Pepl. A LITTLE LOVE OF MINE. I know clev.r little nifti.l Anil we.t, ,o rUlnw uie for her kuight. Anil I ronfesft Tin hair a(i-lt! Mie think nlmicVr 1 do it right. Tli. n4in li-1 limy not tell. Mm'ft Itw. while in,, twriity-nliia, Anil yet we love em U olher well. 1 ami 1 liia. little hive of mine. Hh ha it l. niler, lii-mun form, llmwn ,),. w here trui ami iruih abide, A Ciiil.l iiiuulli where kmtt-a .warm, Uim-iIu-i ( whereiliuiiilea deftly hide, ( A Miiile kIi, horrow.il from the aklta In aoine run- hour of tiiiiimcr tune Tlnit . l or wrloiu., glnd r w l, Ai ftuii ihit ilit e love uf mine. , La rriiie it itr. the llitlc nucen, fcinlft to f(rnlve aa to command. The Uiilnln .i miniiri !i ever wen hlie keem her mliji et . well In Land, Their hapiiinrM her only tak. Mie rule, by i-hililhiiod'a right dlvln. And rli lu r .hik'iloni mu may auk Than Inn. thin lutlo love of mine. The nounilarjr nf her empire Ilea In I ' fair w alls her wealth uululd. The lovellght In her mother' eyra- A treaiir.- grenicr fur than gold. Aye, riinnl:ig over li her cup With love's moot rare ami coMly wine. And lif-!ie ga) ly drinka It up. This charming little love of mine. Fre.li he thu draft! I wish the houra May lirlnu her w hat she I. wt may prize, Uofl dew y dawns, and fragrant flowers. And lUhl w Inils calling to tha tklea. But If my s ml mighi wm the hllsa To beg a bHin from Kathtr Time Tivould be to leave her as she is, This dill in - little love of mine. Hobs Ueforrls In Youth's Companion. NIPPED IN THE UUD. When I was a boy, I attended a pub lic school in a New England town not ninny miles from the Hub. The teacher uf classics in that institution was a mini of the name of Virgil Moii.on, who was by birth and training a Puritan, but one whom culture had somewhat liberalized, though he retained many prejudice of the uverngo Yankee. In person ho was short, heavy and , thickset. His head was dome shaped, but it appealed tome that his bumps of veneration nnd combativeiiess had been unduly developed nt tho expense of tho lumps of conjugal affection, which was sndicient explanation of tho fact that ho had not yet committed matrimony, though he hud turned (. ut the timo I first knew him. Whatever may have been his defects, 1 must do him tho justice to say that his forehead wa broad and high, sure i sign of intellectuality ; his noso of the Human variety, which always indicates strength of character and tenacity of opinion, whilo his tunnner of compress- ! ing his lips pointed not the less certain ly to hi firmness, to which a square ; chin also contributed. His disposition was by no menus Iniubliko, uor his temper equable, as 1 bis red hair what there was of it mid red beard bore abundant testimony to the contrary. 1 grieve to say that much learning bad made Mr. Munson not ' mad, but bald. The domo part of bis head was wont to shine like tho golden dome of the stale capitol in IJoston, es pecially after the vigorous polishing he gave it in his toilet. A fringe of sandy hair surrounded the aforesaid bald stir- ' face like tho diverging rays of light , around tho aurora borenlis. Add to the foregoing an excituble temperament, a quick and nervous mun- ; ner, a love of pedantic display, a fond ness for (J reek and Latin roots and most of all for natural science, aud you 1 havo a tolerably fair desciiption of an interesting personality. It was our professor's habit to seek i recreation in the wends during tho in tervals of pedagogical labor, and there, amid the sighing of trees, tho singing j of birds and the chirpings of crickets, j to combine his pursuit of health with the study of natural science. After spending an a f tot noon in the fragrant ! seclusion of tho forest he would rtCurn j with his pocket full of botanical and . entomological specimens. Among the 1 last mny be mentioned caterpillars, I moths, butterflies anil other denizens of : the wood. ' His room was next door to mine nnd had the appearance of a museum. There were numerous books, of course, on an torts of subjects, ferneries, cabinet of minerals nnd chloroformed butterflies, suspicious bottles containing queer crea tures in all stages of alcoholic intoxica tion nnd aquaria containing living fish, toads, lizards ad so on. Absorbed ns he was in his duties ot school, his favorite studies and pursuits, Mr. Monsonhnd had little time to think of mntrimony, and though some design ing uiammns hud pressed the question homo to him his invariable reply hud been: "1 don't need a wifo. I nm happy enough as I am." This reply served as a wet blanket to tho enthusiastic interest his lady ac quaintances entertained iu bis happi ness. Though his character und dispo sition were not such us to mako him populnr with the fair sex, still tho few who kuow him respected him, wondered at his prodigious learning, which he took no pains to conceul, und secretly laughed nt hi eccentricities and hob bies. Having evaded Cupid's dart so long nd with such signal success, no one Opposed for moment that be would succumb ,at lust to the charms of a coquettish conntry girl. But so it turned out, thus proving the truth of the old adage that there is Co fool like an old fool. Ho fell j victim to love so late in life that, liko mumps and measles, it attacked him with greuter virulence than it would have done in his younger days. The girl, whom we will simply call Lilinn, was a brunette of frainating j manners, but rather homely features, i But If, she satisfied Mr. Monson'i no- tions of an Ideal woman no one else had a right to complain. She was still ; attending school, though past 21 years of age, uiid as fate would have it was boardiug in the same house as the pro- -lessor. It was observed by the landlady and her daughter that after Lilian's ad vent Mr. Motison was changed from his ! own self. He paid more attention to his ! toilet than licfore, brushing his fringe of hair with unusual care and having his beard trimmed oftener than bad been bis wont. At tho tablo he bad al ternate fits of abstraction nnd loquacity. Ho lingered there as long as Lilian re mained and would, after a supper, fol low her to tho sitting room, where he would talk to ber by the hour about tome Oreek poet or some natural pbe noinenon. And when he showed ber bu rarious bugs. Insect and reptile, rnak Ing a running commentary on tbeir po- ; tuliarities, the landlady formed the or natural conclusion that the prof- . or wu biully "stuck." The girl wa a splendid listener and flattered Mr. Munson ' vanity ly her attention ratjier than by words of praise. In about three months tho professor had wound liuist If in a net ns complete ly us tho silkworm iu it cocoon. As ho grew more persistent in hi inten tions the girl leonine more coquettish. Sim would lie very kind uno iky nnd distant and hard to plenso tho next, thus tormenting the very life out of liiui, At last, tumble to bear tho strain, he determined to risk all by a test question. A favornhh-opportunity presented itself one night when evcrylmdy had retired and tho twain were alone In tho parlor. What took place there had better lie told in tho word of tho young lady, who related the affair afterward to the landlady's daughter, not knowing that I was listening nud taking it nil in. "Will," sh said, "to begin from tho beginning, your mother left the parlor ns tho clock struck 9, taking caro to close tho door after her. This r uiliold ened bun to drnw his chair closer to mine. 'Do you think one can bo happier when married than single?' ho asked. 1 replied that 1 didn't know, not having had the experience of a married woman. "'Well, don't yon think so or be lieve so?' "'Why. that depend on circum stances, Mr. Munson, ' I answered. I knew what was coming i.M tho time, but didn't want to show it. "'Hut if'thero is love in tdp mar riage, don't you think that tliero will bo happiness?' At tnU point ho seized my hand nnd squeezed it until: it fairly turned blue and said exi it, illy: ' " 'Jhen many me. Mis Lilian. No man can love a woman more than I love you. Say but yes, and my very life is at your disposal to do as you pleaso with it. Your happiness will bo my first con sideration. Heie, on my knee, I ask you to grant my suit.' "1 turned my face around to look at him, und, oh! what do you think? Yon can never guess. I laugh every time I think of it. One of those nasty cuter pillars had cri'pt out of his pocket dur ing tho excitement and was making Its way over his shoulder toward hi collar. 1 nearly died with laughter nt tho com ical situation. Upon this ho got very mad nnd excited beyond control, but ho remained on his km is the while. Said ho: " 'You nre laughing at a very serious matter. You trillo with mo. Is this tho way to treat tho proffered lovo of nn holiest man ?' " 'I nin sorry, Mr. Munson. I wns not laughing ut you, but ut aomethiiig else. "1 had barely finished saying that when that worm stood on the poor man 'a collar, and bracing it bind feet on it m ado a grab for hi hair with its front feet. Tho nasty thing wasso com ical in ull it movements that I laughed right out, making no attempt to con trol my fin riimeiit. Ho arose from his knees. Hi face was scarlet with rage. Hut as he turned the doorknob I com inanilid uiy risibilities inough to say to him: " 'Mr. Munson, I nm very, very sorry for what has happened. 1 respect and esteem you us a friend, but I can never bo your wife. But if you don't want another gill to laugh ut you tho next time yon gon-conrting you leave worms and bugs behind. ' "By thi time tho caterpillar hnd reached his lull spot andtrom that (do vated perch was looking on tho scene with placid enjoyment. He caught my eyes as they were bent toward the in truder, nnd just then, bis excitement having subsided a littlo uud no doubt feeling tho nasty thing on top of his head, he caught it in hi hand, crush ing tho poor worm ut tho saino timo. He then mado a dart for tho stairs, go ing over throe step ut a time. Thut is all there was to this little romanco of mine." The next week tho professor resigned bia position in tho school and left the town forever. Yan Pbon Lee in St. Louis Republic. Soluble White Ileitrln. A writer in The Wolleii-Qeworbe states that un entirely white dextrin, perfectly solublo Iu water, i now pre pared by diluting 4 pounds nnd O'j ounces nitric acid of 1.4 specific grnvity wilh 817 quarts water, into which 2,205 pounds of sturch aro stirred. This mass is fotmed into cukes, which nro nt first dried in the air nnd afterward nt 170 degrees F., und the cakes are then ground and the powder sifted, nnd heut i'd from 213 degrees to 2:tl) degrees F. for 1 or l.'.j hours. In externul ap pearanre, this preparation cannot ba distinguished from starch Hour nnd is perfectly freo from nitric acid. In the preparation of dextrin in tho wet way with diluted acid, it is remarked that tho timo nt which the last of the starch has lieen converted into dextrin must be carefully noted, as tho continued in fluence of the acid causes tho dextrin to become rapidly saccharose. W bera Ilia Heart Wat. "Were you ever shot during the war, colonel?" usked tho young woman of tho wurrior. "Only once. A buKet struck me r'Kht here," putting his bund directly over his heurt. "Denr niel"aha cried. "Why didn't it kill you? That is where your heart is." "True," re turned tho colonel, "it is where my heart is now, hut at tho time I was shot, fortunate?-, my heart was in my mouth." Boston Woman's Journal. Haa Fun With Ilia CoflV. "Somo folks can't drink coffee unless It's hot, " said Mr. Ooslingtou, "and I don't liko cofft) unless it is freshly mado nnd served hot, but I liko to drink it through all its varying phases from hot to pretty nearly cold. I liko a sip of it, when first poured, without sugar or any milk or cream, when it aroma i fresh and pungent nnd com plete and quite unmarn.d by the admix ture of any foreign substance whatever. Then I pot in tho usuul quantity of sug ar and of cream, and then you havo tho cop of coffee iu its highest normal stute, and how delightful it is! Then, as 1 drink it, I add umro cream. The re mainder become wore and more dilut ed, coider and lighter and lighter In tolor. The coffee lluvor becomes more and moro attenuated, bat it Is neverthe less keenly defined, and it so continues to the end'. Tho last of tho cup is only tinged with the color of the coffee. It is not cold, but nearly so. By contrast with what you huve drank it is grate fully cooL A sip of cream with coffee bouquet and you set down the cup with friendly feeling for it for what it baa coutainod. "New York Sod. I ( J A DESPERATE STRUGGLE. I IKK A nikvk. ASK YOUR DRUQGIST FOK Captain Jack Crawford's Midnight A drew lure Wllh a A par he India. Win ii within a few feet of w here 1 stood, tho stalwart suvagn, his eye Kleaming with hatred, lifted his knife and spiaug toward mo. I le.iied for ward to meet him uud succeeded in gra-piiiK tlm hand which held the weap on, ami w it'.i a crip like a viso held to it. Ho clinched wilh uie, and n terrible f(riinle ensued. Wo fell to tho ground ami rolled over and over iu our dwpcr iitn strulc fur the supremacy, yet I i-l ti it we to his wrist, for my life depcudod on preventing him from using tho knifa In our stiuglo 1 noted that wo were Hearing tho brink of tho precipice, and I hoped wo would go over, fur death In that manner wa preferable to being tliiUKlitcrcd by n savage hand, and there was keen satisfaction iu tho thought that my enemy would dio with uis. Nearer nnd nearer we rolled in our fear ful strugKlo fur tho mastery, I endeav oring to roll over tho brink, ho to pre vent it, until at htst, to uiy great satis faction, I felt the edgo of the cliff begin to crumble beneath me, and down wa went Wo struck tho bottom heavily, and to my astonishment neither of u seemed to bo greatly injured. 1 fell almost uu dement h him, nud in a moment ho suc ceeded in getting inn on my back and sat astrido of my prostrate form. He had dropped bit ktufu in our full, and seizing me by the long hair near cach car begnu to beat my head iigniust the ground in au endeavor to stuu mo into insensibility. Thu..ip! thiimpl tliumpl my bead wns beaten against the ground, and au angry voice greeted my ear. ! "I'll tench you to grub mo that way and choko mo half to death (thuuipl thimp!) und then roll out of bed with ma (Thump! thump!) What's tho mat ter with you? Aro you crazy?" It was my wifo, Sho tat astrido of me, and nt nlumst every word gnvo my bond a thump against thu carpeted floor of our betlriMiin. It was all n hideous dream. In my desperation I had seized her, aud we had a terrible struggle, finally fulling out of kid upon the floor. 'Captain Jack Crawford in Homo und Couutiy. j A CHICAGO TRICK. Hut Rouiehoif lh llrumuier Couldn't Seem tu Make It Work. "I saw a queer trick iu Chicago the jotlnr day," said the drrcumer as ho I lighted a fresh ci)jnr uud pared his nails ; with hi pocketkuifa . Of course two or threo of the group wanted to kuow all about it, and he 1 continued: "Ono of yuu let mo have n clean 1 , bill fur n moment Ah, that's a daisy : of n bill just off tho press last week. ' Now, then, I Iny tho bill face down ! ward on the floor thus. The chap who ' did tho trick wa uot n professional jug gler, but bo did it with neatness and , dispatch. 1 ilun't say I cnu do it myself, but I'll try." "But what Is tho trick?" ! "Why, 1 tako uiy kuifo and out tho , bill lengthwise so. Then I cut it cross i wise so. Thut divides tho bill into four ! equal portions, doesn't it?" i Every one iu tho group answored Hint i It did, and tho drummer gnzed at tho ! picec aw hile and said: i "Tho trick is to blow tho plocos to ; nether so that tho edges will uuito. Tha Chicago man did it, but just how I couldn't find out Let's soa I will now blow. Ah, they do uot unite. I will I blow ngain" j "What iu tho Old Harry are yon try "tig to do?" demanded tho owner of tho bilL "Why, I'm trying to blow the plooos together, " iuuocently replied tho drum mer. 1 "But you can't do it" "No, I see I can't Tho Chicago mnu did it, but I'm not ou to tho trick. Here aro tho four pieces, and I gnoss you'll j have to get a bottlo ot mucilage and j sheet of pnier and pasta thorn together. ! Awfully cnto trick, but I oau't do it ! Wish I could, but I can't" ! And, strungoly enough, the owner of thu bill looked at tho pieces, and from tho pieces to the drummer and back, nnd then called tho drummer a double dyod idiot nnd walked off with the decla ration that he'd like to punch some body's bead. Detroit Freo Press. Surprised Celestials. The usiinlly cnlm, cxpreMilniilcag China men who run an up town dirt eradicating and linen polishing establishment were startled Into manifesting great surprise by a customer who took a notion to test the Reuiilnrnesa of their apparent Immo bility. After cbnttliiK for several mluutes and while all three of the Celestial lu tha place hnd their eyes turned upon him be suddenly gave a pull at bi upper row of false teeth and held them up Ix-fore the for once wide niemil eye ot the Mongolians, who Instinctively (Implied their occupa tion lu their complete astonishment. After the lnpse of a moment one gave a ynnkat hisnntural teeth and was followed by tho other two In similar endeavor to pull out their Incisors, with no result sav consternation. It took the w hite patron of the sallow laundrynien some little time to recover from hi laughter and longer still to explain Hint "Mullrnn" men bad teeth made to order that could be Inserted and removed at will. Philadelphia Call. I believe Pirn's Ture fur Consumption saved my boy'i life last maimer M. Au.ti lhu u..aw , l,e Hoy, Mich., Oct. 20, lWil. PROSPECTIVn MOTHERS and those soon to become motbere, should know that Dr. Pierce '1 Favorite Pre scription robe child birth of its tortures and terrors, at well as of its dangers to both mother and child, by aiding nature in pre paring the ayatrm for parturition. There-, by "labor" and the period of confine ment are greatly shortened. It also Dromnte the accre tion of n abundance uf nourishment fur the child. I Mrs Dot A. fii'TMai. of Outlft. Ovnlon Ci , 7,mm.. writes: "When I began taking ISuiior 1 PieriT s Favorite Prrsuripllou. I was rnA aide lo I stand on mv fret without sntlericg tlmmt draih. Now I do all my housework, washing, cooking. ' sewing and everything for my family ul eight. I i am stonier now lhau I hare been In sis years I Your ' rsvorue Hrescriptioo Is the best to tske ! before confinement, or at least It proved so with i me. I never suffered so little with auy uf my ; children as I did wilh my las." Ul Writ " WH-Kt AU LJ Beet Coiwh arruik Ti P3 In nm "M by f22ZC o.x Vet I by dnjfgtsta 53 1 " 1 I - M The chief fun Hell of the k duryt Is In sejr ale Irom the blood, In lu tiea4e ihntuith lliein, o eiislu Impurities and watery pantiles whir li make Iheir Onsi ent thromli the blsdder. The letrlitlnn of li,ee in coiiHiiieiiee of Liartlvtly nf the kl'lneis Is t ristueilve ot Hright s d sease, dropky, olalile, alhiiiiiliiitna ami irher Dials dies with a falsi tendency. Mosieiter's H ninaeh Haters, a lustily sauciioiied olioelle and bio xl d, I'lirelll, luiprlt l he k nine) s hen lnsi-1 iv In rnirw iheir tilling funet on, nd sirsui irom the v.tai current linpioliivs wlih h lufesl II and Ihresleti their oa ii i tisiriiee as nntsiis of Hie IxhI) . t'slarill id Ihe bladder, g s el slid retell Ooii el the Hrme ate aln nisfsd es arri-ted or av rled by this Iwnigu j,r,, inn er and res ors lite ot nrasnic anion. Malaria, rheuinslism, fiiiiMlpsiiiui, btlioustiest and i)tMia also yield lo the lllll-is. siii n u al o . .-.lily btni llcial Hi lh weak and ueiv.ms. "This Is a pretty good uke-nff, " r, marked oh' Knuitrow as tha lallel came out lu the liuihiue. HOW THIS? We oiler One Hundred Jhillara Urwrinl fur any rase of Catarrh that cannot be cured bv Hall's Catarrh Cure! P. J. CIIKNKY A CO.. Props.. Toledo, Ohio. Wc, the undersigned, have known K. J. ('henry for the past U years, and believe lion perfectly honorable lu all business transactions and tiiiani ially side lo carry out any obligationi made by thnr tlrui. VT V Tar ax. Wholesale Pruggiats. Toledo, O. Wm.piko, k !! ,V Marvin, Wholesale 1i legists, Tulisto, O. Hall's Catarrh Cure it taken internally acting diree.ily upon the blood ami mucous surfaces of the system. Price, 7. hi. per hot tie. Sold i y all l'niggislt. Testimonial! fr e. MI MIC STilKK-W lhy H. Allen Co , the ohlest, l'i, large-l, .11 First SI., I'orllaud. t hick, ling, lliirlmaii, Klsfher I'lsiios, Ksiey Umsiis. I41W trlccs, es-y terms. 10-t KNT Mt NIC-Sand for catalogues. (luard ynurxtf lor siin-mer mslaHa. tired ftellug.b) Using uiw Oregon lllood t urifler. Tst Gssmsa for breakfast. IN ADVANCED YEARS HiUMl't Sursapsrilla Is often of great value in giviiiK 1 be ttrenglh to much desired. Mr. W.tl. Wvniaii ol Haratoga, Cab, had large bunch, called a tumor, on lilt -1 . 1 . ll- ,.. Il.uiil'a Hanullia. rilia which nve him new life and vigor md the pain and all traces of tumor have 7i .-i llBHva- ". ivebot- Wlliiliv i.-ss 'i --. - ,, . lie did II V work. It is literally true, Hood's Sarsaparilla cures. We alto think Hood's Title the beet." rif uriiicinu'C sootmin biltfi HlllvltUllU OVRUP WOW CHILDREN TIITHIHO Waal kg all -Mantels. a OsaiSa a t itsla, TAKE pruMDER's. Oregon BLonoPumnER. Wkidnevi RklMPtl -CURC5- kKIDNEYi LIVER DISEASES. DY SPtPBIA. . PlMPtC8.BLuTCHlS ANOSKSI WSfAStS ,CADACHC COSTIVCNESS A SURE CURE FOR PILES Itchlna Plloknin lF laotslues Ilk tpltll.i, oanss Ing ur PTiSruaiog Cilsa leld al oure la ilMnui I iiisitsn ni imuhi, smwu- Una VVvSH'SU r , L. K nmvT hlch sets dln-l If oa psrU sffarled. alMnrba innon. a. Isra ilehing, eneeU,, a oeemsnanS eers. I rwJ. Artificial Eyes Elastic Stockings Trvsses . . . Crutch.! . . . Write fer Prices. . WSOOARO, CURKE 4 CO. DRUBOim ... TertlanS, Ores Ely's Cream Balm Wll.l. t'l'KK CATARRH rciiciAiiM UMtn. F 3 - A..l Mli Inli, Meh MMtril. Kl.i l)aoa.,WWanwiMi.,N.Y. SEEDS Ms.w-a-.-H I have bonKbt from the RECEIVER of F. I- I'OSSOX A. 80S, the sUick, natures and good will of the eed business lately tarried on by them and will continue the same at 206 Third Street. RUELL LAMBKKSON, 1'outi.akd, Oa. SHEEP-DIP UTTLE'S JAMES UIDLAW t CO.. Poitmd. Or. WEINHflRD'S MALARIA! H i hfM iifHWH nnlT, Trv U. Umammmmmmmmmmmmm Antifermentine Preserves all kinds of Fruit without cooking, and retains their natural flavor. "WHERE DIRT GATHERS, WASTE RULES." GREAT SAVING RESULTS FROM THE USE OF S A PO L I O E.t.b. leoa. CORBITT & MACLEAY CO. ino.isos. IMIJOKTKKH, HHfl'HINO and COMMIHHION MFKCH ANTS, liberal ad ranee made on approved eoiilgtiDieiita ol Wheat, Klonr, (lats, Wool and llopa. Hpeclal Imtxirls fmm China. JPn na In dia: ea,( offrt, H'ce.Mattlng and Hugs, Kplree, Hago, Tapioca, China .lLle.- I eusifll IdveriKKil rme, t:oameand l.nmp Kock Hall, Chemlcalt ut all kinds, Tliipwle, eeieeiaa No. I returned Wheat Hags. Hop Hnrlap, Koll Brlmsione, Hass le,(liilnn Porter, todoh aud Irish Whisky. Hrandy and Winit, for tale In quaiilillee losull Ihe trade. POKTLAaw, UK. SPRAYING r nnMPniiMnQ The best FOR DyspepticDelicate.Infirm and AGED PERSONS JOHN CAtfl.f! SONS. New York. DR. GUNN'S IMPROVED UVER PILLS A MILD PHYSIC. imr ph i. port a noR. A nrneemstil of lis b..4s sack lit. is a irsssrr foe ruullb. I Ihm pills supply whst (lis sjln ta-ks to nisSs It rwaulsr. They cups llsd-ehi hrlcllUo Itw It, smt - Ws. tha -.snpleiMialMiur lhsjte,autica iImi fv-ii h-r grip B strSMi. To eonvinr mil n,su ..ntl.ln fen, , k rull Snt . .be. n-l,l dim UlMANUl) MfcD. CO.. I'biUdslpliu. ffc NEW 1'orllsnd, Walla W alla, Spokane, via O. K. N. Hallway ,'and Ureal Northern Hallway to Molilalia point, HU I'sul, Minneapolis, WAY eso and Kaat. AJdrese EAST; nearest agent. V. C. ISuiavan, lien. Agl. Portland, Or; K C st tens, Hen. Agl. .Seattle Wash.-, (Mi llnon.l, en. Agl.. Spokane. Wash. Ne dust; rock-ballast track; One scenery; palace sleeping and dining ears; Uiffet library care family tourist sleepers; new equipment. FRAZER HI IN ihi womo. AXLE CREASE Its wearlngqiialltlee are unsurpassed, actually outlasting loo holes of any other brand, free from Animal (Ills. KT TMK UKNUINK. roH BALK UV OKKUON AND fVWABHINUTON MKKCIIANTS- aua neater generally. MOTIVE POWER! UCDPIII HQ GAS and nLllUULLO GASOLINE 3rGrisr3a. FILICI I RET, Sal ITucisco, Cal. nt MM, Or. ClIICKEfl RAISINQPAYS if ViU UK the f fUIa Ilak money while others are waMfng time hyoM prucruM, .... tell all about It and i.-rr,tK every jspage llllialrated atiHienirunir me. 11 a. Catalogue rsaa. poultry buiulueaa. The "ERIE" mevhanirall Ihe best wheel. 1'retuest model. We ere Pacific Coast Asenta. Bicycle cata- lutfue.maUed free. gives fiitldrserlptlon nrlree etc., aouirre watrrrn. f ETALtTMA IRrjUBATOI CO., retaliint.C-l. bsANcu lloi'sa, in a Main Kt., Lua Angelea I. I The mil v Ktandard lyiMiwrlter with Perfectly Visible W riling. SUiille for All Machlues. W. A. RIDEOUT, Gen. Ag't No. f.47 Mark Ht fOHTI.ANU, OR. YOUNG YOI' CAN MAKK MONKY BAI Ing hay wllh a giMMl Hay I'ress. Write ui lor Information. UfflUlU IIICYI I.KS-W- sell all the ""HI All lost flmcisae Hicjclea. Write - - -r- lor Catalogue. I. j. TRUMAN & CO., tilll Hush Street, Han Francisco, Cal. ..ease mriitloo this ratier when writing. GROCERiES -AND-PRDVISIOHS Write for Special Cash Prlee-I.liL EVIRDIMO A PARRILL. P0TLIID.0. IT. P. N. U. No. 6911-8. F. N. V. No. 676 - NON P0l-0N0tlS. SAFEST AND BEST 1 -je-- 1 1 Mlies with cold water. Imptovee the wool. (lea Aat'a For Oreron. Waslilng- i Ion, Idaho, Dakota A Molilalia. WELL-KNOWN BEER (IN KKbH OR BOTTLKn) Second to none- T.iYIT.. No uistur where from, I'4IKTL4M, OR. DO YOU EEL BAD? DOES YOUK BACK arhaT Doe every stp sfra a harden T Yon need MOORE'S REVEALED REMEDY. In Convenient Form (To be diluted wllh water for aae) Endos'd by Ihi Orejoi ind Wisb'Djton gtite Boards oi Hoillcuitun Write for VetrrlptlT Ptmphlel sad Prices V llsnaf-ctured br n i u in u nnuvr "!" :