Image provided by: University of Oregon Libraries; Eugene, OR
About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 29, 1887)
EUGENE CITY GUARD.
JL L. CftJUFB&LL,
EUGENE Cm, OREGON.
Aft Old Maw Juney rentlral Thai la Rap
idly otoij( Out.
Thecuitom of observing; 8a1t-water
Aay is so old that it Is supposed to be
oiuaicn origin; but long before the
DuUh came to New Jenny the State
jn wmcu mo any Is celebrated the In
dian had a custom which might very
wen nave iiirnisncu the model. It is a
fact established lu history that the Now
rforaey Indians were in the periodical
habit of assembling In the neighbor-
noouoi mo salt water for the purpose
vi iBiytun-j upon oysters, and the gath
ering and eating of oysters was ono of
the hicf features of Salt-water Day ob
served among tho Monmouth County
farmers in later years. Before oysters
becamo private property, and whon
there were natural bods of them along
the Jersey shore, farmers liv ing within
twenty or thirty miles felt a keen ovs- i
ter hunger about the first of every Au
gust, and on Salt-water Day, which oc
curs at this season, the beds were made
to tufTcr. They Kudered so much that tho
Hew Jersey Legislature linally passed
a law refraining poople from taking
oysters by any means except tho un
Bupplemented feet and hands, so that
for several years previous to the time
when oysters ceasod to bo public pro
erty tho farmers on Salt-water D.tv
could obtain this delicate food only by
treading" it; that is, by working the
oysters from tho bottom, and skillfully
"ringing mom w the surface with thei
South Amboy used to bo a favorite
place of gathonng on Salt-water Par,
iiu no laieiy as nve years ago as many
mawue iiuimrou uint-top wagons brought
1 - !...! 1 I m - . a
j u wieir mans or people from tho back
Jymg larms to assist in this culebration
At bouth Amboy the festivities an
euncinuixi in a single day, but
at ether places and notably at Point
i leasani, or &ea Uirt, as it is now
ailed, a part of the villugo of
ounan uiree days are devoted to
them. Of course at thpso festivals at
the edge of the una there have come to
toe ether Joys than the ji.y of eatin
ysU:rs. Uatliing, dancing and miscel
laneous feasting aro to be reckoned
among the delights of Salt-wator Dav.
J mire are stores of cold fowl, sand
wiches, home-made pies, cider and pink
lemonade, and some of tho wagon-tops
ni nun on irom a keg or a domi-
jnn 01 appio-jaek. Tho bathing suits
worn by the farmers and their wives
ml daughters are home-made, the
amo as the pies, and are commendable
lor meir comfort aud serviceability
rather than their fit.
But tho observance of Salt-water
Pay Is not what it used to be. Rail
fowls have brought the sea and the
. oysters nearer to the farmers, and the
eases, for the celebration is largely
gone. The colored people still observe
the day with considerable fervor at
Long Branch, but the festival. snoallm
generally, Is one which is rapidly sroiii
HIlL A,-.,-..'. IB-.!.!..
What Europe I'ara Annually far Mala
talnlng lu MuuarahliM.
A tablo recently prepared shows the
royal salaries paid in Europe, and it
tonus interesting reading for those who
have nn idea that our own Government
is conducted on a wasteful and extrav
agant plan, and who think, as somo of
the Kearneyites used to asserl, that no
man ought to get moro than $3 a day.
I ho hmperor of Russia receives tH,
250,000 per annum; tho Sultan of Tur
key, $0,000,000; the Kmperor of Aus
tria, U.000,000; tho Kinjr of Prussia,
f.3,000.000; tho King of Italy, $2,400,-
uw; tho yueen of England, $2,200,000;
the Queen of Spain, $1,800,000. and tho
King of tho Belgians, $.500,000.
V hat a sermon against monarchical
government this brief table contains?
Eight persons, men and women for
Kings and Queons aro nothing more-
receive each year in tho aggregate
ijU, 000 for doing what? For (lo
ng nothing that hundreds mar bo
thousands of their subjects could not
Uo Just as well and possibly much bet
ter. Some of tlleao monarchs cet their
alanes for doing really nothinsr.
Queen Victoria, for example, has abso
lutely no function to perform except
to represent in her royal person tho
idea of dominion and sovereignty.. Slio
has no part in the government of tho
country. Tho most irrepressible Irish
member of Parliament does more and
has moro to say about ruling tho em
piro than Victoria has; and vet be
cause she is what slio is, the mere eldo-
on of a bygone autocracy, her lovin?
subjects pay her over $2,000,000 every
year for her own use and benefit.
The King of Prussia receives $,1,000.-
1)00 a year as compensation for his
arduous royal duties; and when it is
considered that he is the Emperor of
Germany, that ho is a man over ninety
years of age, and that the reins of
Government have beou for years in tho
hands of Bismarck, it must be ad
mitted that. Judged by republican
standards, he does not earn his sal-
HARD OF COMPREHENSION.
CHINA'S WEST POINT.
How Military Caiteta ara Kriueaud a h
Nearly throe years ago the Chinese
Government, at tho Instii'iuinn r n
Hung Chang, decided to establish an
aca.icmy lor forming a staff of well
instructed nativo officers. With
Probably the Cinr of Russia performs
as much or moro actual labor than any
reigning sovoroigu in Europe. The
form of Government of Russia beino-
ospotism, the Czar must noceSsarilv
center all authority in himself and be,
in fact as well as name, tho fountain
and sourco of all authority. But even
for his duties, irksomo. multitWi..ii
and difficult though they may bo,
$,250,OO0 is more than they are worth!
especially in view of the (hum. Mill pnn.
dition of Russia and tho immense drain
upon her resources.
me people of tho United Snf.
thought they wore doinc a wonil,.rf,.l
tiling when they Increased tho Presi
dent's salary from $25.00., to 8. nni.
and yet the larger amount is enly a
trifle over two days' salary of the Em
peror of Russia; while at tho same timo
the United States is better able to pay
ho President tho Czar's sularv tl.,.
Russia Is to par tho Cur M. P,,.;.
ent's salary. 1
Royalty Is simply an enormously
pensive luxury, with nothing to roo
menu it except trad tion ami ..,..
out, and the only wonder is that it
can keep its hold solium-
and progressive nations in this ago of
the world. San Francisco Chronicle.
Mr. McDuffy DmUina to llli
Dutire of Jury.
"When are they ever going to ge
through with that conspiracy case, Sir.
McDuffy P" asked his wifo, as ho sat
dowu to dinner the other evening.
"Get through, with it?" said Mr.
McDuffy, In surprise; "why.it has been
over lor two weeks."
Has It, indeed," said she. "What
did they do?" '
"Nothing," ho replied, t'tho Jury
iou aon i say so; and I never
heard of it before. I thought all tho
timo they were going to hang the con
spirators. Who hung the Jury?"
"They hung themselves, woman,"
How dreadful! Did they hang each
other or commit suicide?" .
"Thunder and lightning! Can't you
understand any thing?" rosred Mc
Oh, don't bo profano. dear: I'vo
read all the headlines fn the newspa
pers, and have been so interested in
tho case, you know, but I don't quite
understand tho law. If you would
only tell mo about it"
Well, then," explained ' her bus- I
band, "Jurors are composed of twelve
men who are selected with great care.
They must bo unacquainted with the
enso so that they may bo able to ren
der an impartial decision. They are
placed in tho box"
"In tho box? What kind of a box?"
..T- .1 , . ... .
in uie jury oox. Uul you suppose
it was a band box or a match box?"
"Do they box them separately or"
tThey pack them in oil liko sar
dines," said McDuffy, savagely, "and
when you take them out you 'soueeze
iomo lemon juice
"Now don't get sarcastic, Mr. Mc
Duffy. I understand the boxing part
of it; go on please."
"Well, after they have listened to
evidence and pleading and have been
charged by tho1 Judge"
"Why I thought it was the lawyers
who did tho charging," interrupted
"Will you keep quiet? After alio
charge is delivered, they are locked
itT ,...1. ...1 f mi ,
uiii-ki-u up; jnoso innocent men
that didn't know any tiling about it
locked up? No wonder they killed
uiomseives, poor things."
"Groat heavens!" gasped McDuffy.
"There, there, dear, don't swear.
I'll not say another word, I under
stand it perfectly. Its just like men;
wo menu things, homo of them got
mad because McGariglo got out of a
bath-tub. Say, Mr. McDuffy, what
lias a bath-tub got to do with a there,
Jon't swear, 1 understand it, but lust
wait untK tho women make the laws.
We'll just hang I mean we won't
hang I mean Mr. McDuffy, I wish
you would bring mo two spools of
white thread and a yard more of cross
barrod jaconet for baby's dress. Here,
little twootsy-wootsy, kiss papa before
ho noes." Indianapolis Sentinel
LIGHT WEIGHT COINS.
THE OMINOUS OPAL,
jojoct tho Brat body of Chinese (mints
were brought together and installed in
the office of the admiralty at Tion-Tsiu
This was in March, 1884,' and very soon
fu-rward the construction of a sepa
rate building for them was commenced.
This is now completed, mid It is to serve
s the model of similar buildings, one
v ..inch in u, uo erected in the capital
of each of the eighteen provinces. The
academy of Tien-Tsin Is situated on tho
I'oibo, and occupies a space of more
than six hundred square yard. It j
excellently adapted to tho requiretnent.s
of such a building, while its architect
ural appearance is in harmony with
theloralsurroundings. Besides a lar-'o
number of reception and dining rooms
and the dormitories, there mn f.,,,-
irreai lecture halls, two largo saloon
a room fnr mllitm-u ..........
. auowier lor
Jhotographical work, and a third for
rri.iung, iwo chemistry halls, mid an
pannient tor drawing. Tho buildim
is rapauio ol accommodating three
-unure.1 students and tho administra-
thi liiiM.li.m ... . o
" encamped under tents
a considerable body of Infantry and
artillery. At tho head of tho corps of
the cadets is a Chinese otllcer. the
Taotai Yang Tsung Pan. His colleague
j nowever, Major Paull, of the Ger
na ixilll - n
'"ery. me masters and In-
, -,orV " '"r'in officer,
-....jr ueriuaus, and the system of
.fining is borrowed from tho Gorman.
iue sons or the upper classes are alone
admitted belweon tho ages of fourteen
nd fifteen.. At first this rule was not
Wrved, and there was one Instance
X! t"'ng as old as thirty-five.
Kaeh student 1. expected to remain
four years in the general class, where
lie is taught Chinese, writing, foreign
languages, geography and natural
cienee. After the termination of this
preliminary course he Is transferred
for a year to one of the school com
panies attached to the corps. H0 then
erres fr a year with tho regular
rmy, and finally returns to the
Military school for a year's instruction
la military science. After Pa.nR
fcis examination the cadet receives his
ummission and joins one of the rei-
mm oi me cuiottse
nil Skillful K.ol..,i..n.
But however secure and elaborato
appointments f ti
modern trunk ho goes out brand new
from your home and returns, aftor a
jaunt, with thu battered marks of
war upon him. You look at him
with despair and join your inspection
with a naughty cxpletivo over that
unprincipled trunk-smasher. But
there is something to be said to his
account that mitigates tho unchari
table opinion of him. Standi. in ,,
railroad center where steaming engines
rush into tho station with treniblin-r
haste, ono may observe tho trunk"
"masher at his work, and stand in
wonderment that ho executes his task
so skillfully and yet with such little
damage,- A breathless span of time is
allotted him in which to hand down
his pile of trunks, and to the minute
the work is done. All around him is
me roar oi a smiting, steaming world
-eiuoarKin and disembarking in ox
citlng speed-ami the only man that
stands cool at his plaoo in tho midst of
this seething Babylon, is tho expert
To be a trunk-handler ono must be
an expert, None hut men of peculiar
fitness are stationed at the great rail
road exchanges. A greenhorn can at
once be detected. He tackles a trunk
with bungling awkwardness, 1,0 ru,,
it with pulling labor, falls over it aud
tilts and drops it a score of times. To
watch anexpert unloading a train von
will observe how his ne hand rests
upon one corner and the other upon
the side. Ho lands the trunk on the
uoor, never upon any corner, alwavs
on the full end. Tho corner Is tiio
.iH MnK point even of mii iron-clad.
He most dexterously hurls it til ii kiilal
with the ease of a toy, and in an instant
hurls another after it with the grace and
ose of a ball idnrer. Ho
fers a largo trunk to a small one-it Is
better to handle. The wrecking Is
never done by the exm-rL l, i n...
hundreds of trunks at the great con
fluences of railroads, It I. dona l. .k-
small frys of tho least work-and Par-
uiarly by tho inexiriin.!
of road expresses. -fl,,W;mi JYm.
An Explanation of Their Oerurrenoe
Which lit Worth? of Nctlco.
Roy. Mr. Metcalfe, in his book on
Iceland, gives an account of the goy
rs of that country, and adds an ex
planation of their occurrence which is
worthy of notice. II3 pitched his tent
within twenty yards of tho Great Gey
ier, but as that was only, bubbling and
boiling, without nn exposion tosend
up a column of water, he removed to a
smaller spring called the iStrokr.
"So we proceed," says ho, "to tills
opting, which is ono hundred paces
louth of the Great Geyser, and. al
though it has no cone, but rises from
the flat, is the more picturesouo of tho
two. Forthwith we collect hnndf uls of
turf and stones, mid throw them into
the Strokr's pipe; but nothing seemed
to move him, The waters below
grunted and snarled liko a baited
badger, but were not to bo drawn.
in the sulks,' said 1, laughingly,
:s I stood with my back to tho orifice.'
" 'Here ho conies!' shrieked one of
llio party, as I heard n hiss like a
rocket disengaging itself, from its
stick. 'Rush for your life!' and rush I
did; but, my foot catching, down I
" 'Boiled alivo,' was my instantan
eous thought. -The soothing waters
will descend and overwhelm mo.' And
so they would have done bad not tho
wind been from my side of the spout,
and carried the waters in the other di
rection. What a eight! A column of
turbid water, never ending, still begin-
uiuis into uio air at least ono
hundred feet, bearing along with it nil
mo unwaoiesoiiio food w t 1 wlil.-h
Ad Ancient Haw Uhli'h PromnU Thais
from lialna; Iiadaenied.
' "When is five dollars not five dol
lars?" was the conundrum hurlod at
tho head of a reporter'by Edwin L.
Abbett Ho is a well-known attorney,
active In poll tea, aud the brothor of ex-
Governor Leon Abbett, of JNew Jersey.
When tho reporter had confessed that
ho was Ignorant enough to believe that
five dollars was always five dollars, ho
replied: "Not if it Is light weight.
Let mo tell you a story of my ex
perience with a Gve dollar gold piece.
Mind you, it was a gold piece the coin
of the realm. It hud been given me
by a client, with a number of other
pieces and some paper money. I don't
know at what bank he procured it, but
I know that he went to some bank to
get tho cash for mo, and returnod with
this piece among others. The banks
pay them out, but they don't take
them in when they kuow it, as I found
out later. There is a restaurant near
ray placo of business where I have
little business transactions occasional
ly with the proprietor or the man be-
ind tho counter. During the day
this five dollar gold pieco went over
tho counter. Tho handsome young
man with the white apron balanced it
in his palm for a minu'.e and then
handed it back, saying: 'It's light
weight sir, we can t pass them.' I was
staggered. I thought a five dollar gold
piece was good for something for its
intrinsic value at least But after
satisfying myself that it was light
weight I put it back, into my pocket
ami paid the bill out 01 other funds. It
occurred to mo that I ought to' test tho
passing qualities of tho coin nt least
once more, so I tried it at the
cigar store on my way up Broad
way. It was no go. Then I sallied
into the Park National Bank. I told
the cashier frankly that I understood
the coin to be light weight, and asked
luui to gtFe me its value. 'We can't
do any thing with it,' said he. But he
suggested that I might be relieved at
the sub-Treasury. By this time 1 was
somewhat mud, and I determined to
follow that ivc-dollar gold piece to
some kind of a resting-place if it took
all day. At the T reasury there was
less encouragement than any place I
had yet entered. They said they could
not exchange it or redeem it or do any
thing with it This struck mo as a
strange condition of th:ngs. As I went
along Nassau street in a brown study
my eye happened to light on tho sicrn
of an oflice on John street There is
an announcement there that old gold
will bo bought. I walked in and held
out the coin. 'It's short weight' was
all I said. 'So I see,' said the man in
attendance, as ho held it in his hand.
'What can you de with ItP' 1 asked.
Melt it' was his reply. He g:lve me
K70 for it the value of the gold. Cu-
uosity possessed nio to know what
would be done with it He said the
gold would be used for manufacturing
purposes. Then it struck mo that there
somewnere on tlio statute books an
iron-clatl law that no United States
coin shall be melted up for manufact
uring purposes under heavy penalties.
I looked the law up. There it is an
aid law, very old. but I believe still in
force. If I am correct about it, do
you see the situation? Tho Govern
ment issues a cold coin. Ir antra tf
shall be of such a weight but it must
necessarily get worn and abraded in
eonstnnt circulation. Then it says it
shall not be redeemable in any way,
shall becomo worthless in circulation
because it is not redeemable, and yet
shall not be converted into any thing
Blse. My gold piece bore date of
1 think on the wholo I prefer green
backs to coin, especially short-weiaht
coin. "-A". J' Ttibune.
lluiiUioine I,.... ".. .
A t,,- .,.,--"" It t. ' ,
1 1: . .!.,! "o nasan aiif-ti.... .
Iliuiciineii mriii v-nYB nor luiiu Wllllin I V r . """'OCT n ,l
1 4itj,r rnrirst.... '-w-
A Jewulrr Kalmman's Chat About Thla
llui h-Aliuil (ieiu. I Bis Interview
' The oikiI has come into fnshinr,
1 . - i t;ti ... . , .
again so suddenly that Us value has I nA nior tlirif'y prtnn ' b"'',
the past year.
rounded wiin diamonds, there was
such a prcjudieo against the opal that
It had almost gone out of use previous
to tho recent revival. It began to go
out of fashion about fifteen years ago,
and there are sensible women, who are
not superstitions, but who frankly ad
mit that they have a prejudice against
opals. If tho fashion can maintain it
self for the next year, it may dissipate
tho popular prejudice and save one of
tho prettiest jewols from obscurity.
The opal is the jewel of October, so
that according to populnr superstition,
those born in that month are safe in
wearing it I have heard many inci
dents of opals, which no doubt were
causes for tho loss of popularity, and
the ascribing of bad luck by tho wear
ers has no doubt deterred others
from purchasing such ill-omens. There
is a lady in tho city who has a full set oi
opals and diamonds, ear-rings, breast
pin, bracelets, rings and hat-pins, that
is not t'uualed by any other set in the
West She aviis once prosperous and
lived in wealth, but intho last five
years has had more misfortunes than
usually befall one woman. Divorce,
loss of fortune, followed quickly upon
the other. She never wears her opals
now, and it has been frequently re
marked by hor friends that they were
the cause of hor ill-luck. I know an
other lady who ascribes misfortune to
a beautiful opal ring which she keeps
becauso it is an heir-loom, but will not
wear it nor allow her children to wear
it It was given to hor by her brother
when on his death-bed, and upon her
return to the city slio wore it The
very first night tho water-pipes burst
and caused a damage of several thou
sand dollars. She had had a presenti
ment when sho put on the ring that
some thing was going to happen, and
after that night she ceased to wear it
Several years later her daughter put it
on, ana a gentleman friend was so
taken with its appearance that he
asked to wear it What followed is
considered remarkable. He hod been
very prosperous, and had lately gone
up like a rocket Shortly afterward he
fell as suddenly. Ho returned the
ring, having becomo a convert to the
popular prejudice. Louis Globe-democrat.
ast year. Although the prettiest thing,, ZoaX
ination in jewelry is tho opal sur- hssaid huiimr..... .tohIK
1... 1 -is .i.. .1..." h.. mum ..- oj
wing, and tglln to(lTV
.uKiiizh, me tlui t, - "r u,
we, but that be eu h.!." w I
well off. uu"'THn11
well off. ""smw
Now.JoBh Billing, WM
profound rw.r fetUt, .
"ong in a quaint .v i,
'"'n Hi, mi. ,
no sense whatever in hi. ,
mey were not niia.nelUiTr't
the Irish or Yankee du,tt
dm arbitrary mi,'
method. 1 "i H1
when he obtained some
down to NeW York J5k
humorists and see if tl,, i
him after Ltt
hours, until lm r.,if .1... r UW tn
out and came away a"? "J
no more. "".,
It was the same with a.
KottuiR grnie out of men imZ JK
u Bo Josh Billing, reJvU.
humor in the bestway bel j
himself to astory paper atl 4
proiiarod an alniAt.m. """ 1
- vuw a
A Race for Life.
Mr. Injriis, n resident of Travancore,
India, had a narrow escape from death
the other day, having to run for his
life before a rogno elephant The an
mini was among a small clump of trees
(lose to the jungle path by which Mr.
Inglis had to pass. After a careful sur
vey of tho "monarch," that gentleman
dared to throw stones nt him. Tho
uim one missed, and only caused the
animal to cock its ears to catch tho
slightest sound. The second went
draighter and hit him right in the eve
i ne eiepnnnt made a salaam-like
mcnt with his
a terrific roar f
straight for bis n.i;i.. ... .
",,,uu" l'"- Mr. Inglis, however,
was too clever for him, and ran very
Uist but. in cii.1.1....!.. J
. , ... u,...iiu,i nulling a cor-
' V 1 ' "ll;e ,ree' he tumbled
and fell. The eleoli.ink x.-na i
1 - " tiusu on
sz 1:1 - ; : xz
. i n leaiura common to several
of the Icelandic hot springs is pretty
well understood. The pipe, which is
iom-eigni teot deep, diminishes from
mx feet, its breath at the top, to eleven
inches at the bottom. The injected
u, moiics aim other material acts
...u Buiiiuug 01 a safety-valve; the
. nas not a proper vent; it collects
rm.y , Ule subterranean chambers
".in mvu over the lounU n
A London bookneller I,... .
lh ll,s.. .... ... ... : V'T.T "
ich he describes as on ..f ,1,
. .... . .
I'" ' wnicn ne tolds it is
great deep until they are charged to
"""""S' , B"u eudaeuiy driving back
. . Y'.'iiy encroaching waters.
."vj mi on ine obstruction, and rush
into mid-air with tho velocity 0f 'a
niissd from tho chamber of an Arm
gun. and are often illumined, as
v.. reseni occasion, by a beautiful
"And where does all the water come
J-om? That too, is easy of explana
turn. It is th- dainago of the hill,
around, which, meeting heated' sur
faces, gets to th-U.iling point and ex
piates when it has a thauce.'-P'
Illiu nun ii.a f.,f,,, i
I , ."IIIIFU, HI-
ready raised to crush him; but the an
inul a head Wing caught at this in-
Jan which had suspended itself from
the branches aliove. he t,.,i
.ming llr Inglis frifrhtened, but with
no limb broken. The rogue is a
b41'" wmr on tne mils jv. Sun.
Could Do Some Thing f0P Her.
"Tongue can not tell how much I
jum, .Hiss uara," he
"V.a UV aUy in ,ff D (ha..n.l.l 1..
"Would you," she asked, wearily.
"Try me." J
"Well, go and soen.l ti,-
with Lillie Brown." u'8
'Lillie Brown! What for?" v,
"I hate her, "-y. J. Sun.
The tonjrue )uu- .v.t-i-
,, ,. . v I'iMsician
he disease of the body; to a philoso
Pher. tha li.c. .l. . ".
;i. ! V luo mina; to a
Lhrist.iui. the disease of the souL-.
St. Lonla lllerehant 8
letlar Countlue Koom.
The Chinese book-keeper is a curios
ity, as ho flourishes on the western
const and around Portland, Ore, I
was up around there recently, and with
the idea of bringing home some
Chinese curiosities, visited several
stores and shops. Some of the biggest
merchants m that country, you know,
are Chinese, 1 vent into one small
place where a lot of books were spread
mn on a long counter, behind which
was n Chiuaman, while behind a sort
of a desk nt tho other end was another
wearer 01 tho pigtaiL Tho books
lookod to mo like almanacs, if the
Chinese have such things, nnd, -w.
ing up to tho counter, I turned two or
three of thorn over, looking at them to
satisfy myself as to what they were,
though, of course, I couldn't have told
if I had looked a year. The ink was
still wet as if a hen with inked feet
v.i ....mm- uiick ami iortn over
them. This gave mo tho idea that I
had strayed into a manufactory of
Chinese almanacs, and noticin- the
yellow-huod gentleman behind" tho
counter looking nt me, I carelessly in
quired: "How lmieheo, John?" He
looked nt nio still, but without reply
ing. "How m uchec, John?" I repeat
ed; "want to buyeo. This time John's
features changed. Ho actually sn-iled
as he lephed: "Me 110 solle these
bookee; me keepce countee, tt-llee how
muiiiee iuenenn man owee." I had
.uiuaiiy been trying to buy the man
ru oooks. 1 don't know whether
i c Mas me keeper of books for that en
ire business portion of the city, but if
..v.- iiMi i ne mm books enough to have
kept all of their accounts. Their svs-
; " ""..mi.v original, and different
from that with which the English book
keeper has to wrestle.-',, KU-lwl-on,
in St. Louis ;h,e. Democrat.
How He Received the News.
A man covered with dust rushed into
nicago business bouse, and,
preaching the proprietor, s.ii.l,
"My dear sir. do not bo excited, but
prepare yourself to hear bad
"What's the matter?"
lour who went out to see the ball
T ... .. .
niu just irom th hnll r-
a - . , - JL,l I'll HUB.
fightful accident happened and"
'My dear sir, your wife was killed
-. earn me business man, "but
now uoes the score stand?"
tha't-""0'0118 aliV6 mn' 1 ,eU
"Yes, I know all about that but I
have a hundred dollars up on the Chi
cagos and am very anxious to hear
Ah here's the evening paper. Here,
bub." Arkansaw Traveler.
-"Mr. Tart I have written some
verses on my dog; would you liko to
hoar them " "Oh. don't trouble your
self to read them, Mr. Muse.' Jll8t let
me know what part of the dog thev
ire written on. nnd I will visit the
anel somo dav and m-,.1 ,1. i
let Gazette and Courier.
"Mr. Dusenberrv. I lu.nn t
wandering in my mind." ..l)on-t
Harmt-d, u:y dear; jou'Unot gtt lost"
wav he rollwi nn " vuaQ k
a year, and saved it and Wi J?
W fe anil family -"'"
I saw him i. . . .
Dear nor in II,. v. . 1 i
lonely man whom hard nrk u.r 1
lWirire.1 nf l.U . , "
naL He said to me that U
nHknf . ."""
youth and eot nnthi,,. .L
ir. . . ur "a k.
' is worm loo
imh m Mill KM rnuin na w..l 1 .1
t. . WU1U lDl"
1 lltB tlinii llmlna . Ul
uiuiw piviwure; ana Lis collected worfa
w avuro uiiiiiv BiMlUa Iliom n..
T,..,! ' --WWBk
e - .
Men with Fanny Fmi.
"Queer customers! Wn i.v.,
m uiuauniiv HIIfhttmUlilH wl.
....... 6 ,a uuo jiiauy men m
iittLjuiitii renown. "Ym .1,
"And ninnv finn v& a. m.
-Wiiiie right. UnegentkmsnintB
nnmmaw ... i. ... .... .. . . H
....v . wircuo HBflTerUM, lit k
aauuion 10 Deine inrRe and flat, tank
txy turn are garmslieu with big bow
me most painful kind. Censeqwck
wioes are uiaue to give plenty of m.
PTnreBivTiivd ami I i . .
unu..e au emtiossed map, with biliiul
- w uai uoes such a pair ef shoes nn?
Uf .' Ll t tl an.
r.iguieu aouars. -iney are msiti
n 1.1.1 . 1 ., . .
uiiesi kiu, mn ana pnauie, and twopiin
week. Bamuel J. TiWen was t good
nf n ......... 1 . 1
uiuiwi mm. ue niMiideii to be minis
ordered an elegant pair ef pumpa
learner was speciully prepaml in Fnim
ll,ITUff.ul tntt .I.a ...... .1. n. - I . . I
iiiafi wu iui uo wiiiK, iue nam kt
naa mum CAIJIIISIIV, BHQ 1118 DUIIin
really a work of art; but although Mr.
uiuii'c admire tlieiu he paid tbebill-f
witiinut a murmur."
"Did be take tne sboesi"
-ino; so we iilnced tliem inenribiw
uow, wueie tuey were much admired
day a young swell came along, took i
to tbem, pai.l $15 and carried off the
They were the daintiest little pair oi
we ever turned out."
ii uuc are some or too anuoTUKtj
have to contend withf
"1 uoy aro so numerous vou would
care to print them, but I w ill enunwnft
Tew.- Anions the worst men we bivett
snd suit is a Washiiirtoii market tut
WlirWA l..r. fru.f la 1.. n.l . MM
than the riyUt fc!onivtiiiu we have to
three paim of boots for him before
sniieo. -men we liave a Nixth avenue
fertiouer wiio Las no toi-s on either In
dont know liow he lost them horn tint
I f auev but the fact remains that he m
toes. Ho is a pretty tonsh man to W
Another man in the eninlnv of tlieciiyr
erniueiit lias the most monstrous great
I ever saw Ir. twmi in ma tlievmot
nearlv two and n half inrliM lonir. W
out of all Dronortion to the other toea,
neeessarilv h!a alinAa nm vt-rv Imnl tOUSU
Jew lork Bun.
Lord Rnpiptor .1lpct ann
Carnni'von. fnmM nf nrra this week irw
' iiv 1 1 is? JUV ut vuv '
peers, as bis Income will exceed iM.M
tvjrt i v r.T 1 1
To a n T I -V . T.IVA1 ani CSB
ba tkomvi ni r that Oraw
Beguiator ef the Liver aa
SIMMONS LIVER REGULATOR
J if tttt r a ra nn-iAehiUi. Pt
mm f m VVaf m lllMiwr' '
I was aflllrte4 for sewed yr!tA
tlsanaewe liver, which rsulelj
severe auark af jBtina'icc. I .
medical attendaare as uf "
tira affurda, wha falM DtieflyW i
More aie ! the nTieiit W
feraier kealU. 1 lk
fivorile areseriptMa af t tf
renwne4 paytrfrlaiH af If
viUe, Ky., ant la na arpe:
irpan I waa liduced ta irr
Liver RecnlMlr. ItonndtaB
diai aeneflt fr&iB it oae, and It bio
mately restored a U tbe full W
wcu, ui uuaiin.
A. a SHTJOET.
Vda frvaa a Tarpid Ltrer "'J'
pmriUea of the Stoaaach.
lavmrUUr rarvd ; Ukiaf
Let aU wba refer imeah -
SICK AID miOUS
Caa b. armatrd by takinfr a at m2
yaataaa ladumu Um oaua af aa ax