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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Dec. 30, 1882)
f Til K DKVllS KLTEME. It was toward th end of November; tho Imperial gsr.ion of Vienna was de iiorU)d, a idiarp breeze was whirling tbe saflron-colorod loaves, shrunk up by tbe curly cold ; Ibe rows bushes, tormented and broken by the wind, let tbeir brandies drag in tbe mad. Still, tbe grand alley, thanks to its covering of sand, was dry and passable. Although devastated by the approach of winter, the Iinporial garden was not without a certain melanoboly cbarra. The long alley prolonged far away its reddening arcades; boyond the view stretchod over tbe I'rater and Danube; it was sueb a promouado as a poet wonld have do Hi rod. . , A young man was striding npand down this ulloy with visible sigus of im pationoe. Ilia eostnmo, somewhat the atrical in itfl eleganco, consisted of a frock coat of black valvet with gold facings und bordored with fur, gray woolen pantuloons, top boots with tas sels coming half way up his logB. Ho might have boontweuty-sevon or twenty eight years of age; his pole and regular fuaturos were full of Unease, and irony lnrknil in the creases around his eyes and tbe corners of his mouth; at the Uni verbitv, which he appeared to havo quit ted recently, for he still wore tbo stu dent's cap with oak leaves, he must have plagued the "Philistines." and shone in the front ranks of the "Burschen" und "foxos." Tbe narrow limits within whicL be circumscribed his walk showed that he was waiting for somo one, probably a lady, for tbe Imperial gardon of Vienna in the month of November is hardly pro pitious to business rendezvous. Soon a young girl appeared at the end of tbe avenue; a turban of black silk coverod bor rich blond hair, whoso long ringlets had been slightly uucurlod by tbe damp ness of tbe evening; her complexion, or dinarily of waxen whiteness, had taken a rony tint from tho bito of tbo cold. Grouped and wrapped as she was in her mantle trimmed with mnrton skin, slio resembled raviHhingly tbo statuotto of La Frileuso; a little terrier accompanied her, a convenient chaperon, on whoso in dulgence and discretion you could count. "Imagino, Iloinrioh," said tho pretty Vionneso, taking the young man's arm, 'I have boen dressed and ready to go out for nu.ro than an hour, and my aunt kept on with bor sermons on tho dangers of waltzing, on recipes for Chrictuias cakes and carp with blno sauce. I wont out on tho pretext of buying somo gray boots, of which I havo no nood whatever. It is for you, Iloinrioh, that I toll all thoso little lies wbioh I urn constantly regretting and constantly boglnning over again. What an idea it was of yours to take ta tho stago. What was tbo good of studying theology bo long at Ileidolborg? My pareuts liked you, and wo might have been married to-day but for that. Instead of mooting on tbe sly under tbo baro troes of tbo Imperial garden, we should bo Boated sido by side boforo a fino porcelain stove, in a nice warm room, talking of tbo future of our chil dren. Would not that bo a happy lot, Heinricb?" "Yes, Katy vory happy," replied tbo young man, us ho pressed under tho sat in and fur the dimpled arm of tho pret ty Vionneso; "but I cunuot help it. The theater attracts mo invincibly; I dream of it by day, 1 think of it by night; I feel tho desire to live in tbo oioation of tbe poets; I seem to havo twenty exist' cnecs. Every role that I play makes mo a new ilfe; all these passions thut I ex press I fool. I am Hamlet, Otholo, Charles, Moor. When one is all that, ho can with difficulty resign himsolf to tbo humble condition of a village pastor." "That is very noble. But you know that my parents will nvor have an aotor for a son-in-law. "No, certainly not mi obscure aotor, a poor ambulant artist, ' o puppet of man agers and the pub!;,-, i at a great aotoi'. covered with glory i pplauso, wbii earns moro money f . i . minit'tor, they i!l not refuse, liou.-vi-r scrupulous they may bo. When I hull come to ask your haud in a 'hand t mo yellow coscb, tbe varnish of which v iU bo able to serve us a looking i-l !'.r tlm neighbors, and u t ! i ' with gold laoe, xi-ll i t for me. do you think b. t onishod covered if stops jU re- fuse mo?" . "I do not think they will But who says, Hoinneh, that you will ever como to that? You have talont, but talont is not sufficient; you must have much good luck besides. By the timo that you shall have become tho grand actor "of whom you speak, tbe best time of your youth will havo passed, and then will you bo ready to marry Katy, grown old, wheu you havo at your disposal tbe loves of all tho princesses of tho theater, so joyous and ao'gayly docked?" 'That futnre," replied Heimioh, "is nearer than yon think. I Lave an ad vantageous ougagumeut at tho theater of the Carinthiau Gate, and tho manager is bo satisfied with the manner in whioh I played my last rolo that ho has mado mo present of '2000 tlialors." "Yes," replied the youug girl, with a aerious air, "that role of a demon in tho now pieco. I coufosa to you, Heinricb, that I do not liko to boo Christian as Bume the mask of tho enemy of tho hu man raoo and pronounce words at bias phouiy. Tho othorduy I wont to soo you at tho Carinthian theater, and at every moment I was afraid that a verit able hell-flre would issue from one of the trip where you were swallowed up in flames of spirits of wino. I returned home all confused, and dreamed horrible dronns." "My good Katy, that is all iiuoguiu tion; to morrow, too. will take place tho lust performance, and I shall no longer put on tbe black und red costumo whioh m niueU displeases you." "So much tho better! for my mind is a prey to a vague feeling of alarm, and I fear that tlie rolo which has been bo profitable to your glory will not be prof itable to your salvation ; I am afraid, too, that yon will coutraet bad habits in tho company of these horrible comedians. I am Buro that you no longor Bay your piaers, and I daro wager that you Lave lost tbo little cross that I gave you." Hsiurich justified himself by showing the little cross, which was still shining nn In si i vnaur While theywere talking thai the two loTors bad arrived tl Uie TtuDor-Dtrasiw maker wLo waa famous for the perfection Ui 1110 1 J UUtet rj time at the door, Katy entered, followed bv her terrier, not without having abandoned her pretty Blonder fingers t ) the pressure of Heinrioh's hand. Hoinrieh trlod once moro to catch a glimpse of Lis mistress between the duinty boots and shoes that wore sym metrically arrangod on the brass rods in the window; but the fog had silverod tho glass with its moist breath, and ho could only distinguish a confused sil houette; then.takiog a horoio resolution, he turned on his heel and wont with de liberate Btcp ta the inn of the Two-headed Eagle. nT That night thore was a numerous com pany at tho Two headed Eagle; the ffiiRHts wore of the most mixed descrip tion, and tho caprice of Callot and that of Goya could not havo produced an od dor araalgram of characteristic types. The Two-hoadad Eagle was one of thoso blessed collars celobrated by Hoffmann, with steps so worn, so greasy, bo slip pery, thut you cannot put your foot upon tho flrst one without at onco finding yourself ut tho bottom, with your elbows on the table, a pipe in your mouth, be tween a pot of beer and a measure of now wine. Through tho thick cloud of smoke that almost choked and blinded you at first, all sorts strange figures appeared aftor a fow minutes. Tbero were Wullaohians with their cafotan and Astrakhan cap, Sorvians, Hungarians with long black mustaches, caparisoned with dolmans' and embroidery; Bohoraians witu cop pery complexions, narrow forobead and arcbod nose; honest Germans with laced coats; Tartars with eyes turned up liko thoso of Chinese; all imaginable popula tions. Tbo East was roprosonted by a fat Turk coiled up in a corner and peace fully smoking a pipe of Moldavian cherry wood, with a bowl of red clay and a mouthpieco of yellow umber. Everybody was eating und drinking. Tbo drink consisted of strong boor and a mixture of now red wino with old white wino; tbe food, of slices of cold veal, ham or pastry. Round the tables turned unceasingly ono of those long Gorman waltzes which produce on northern imaginations the same effect as bushish and opium on the Oriontals; the couples passod and re passed rapidly; tho women, almost faint ing with pleasure on tho arms ot thoir cavaliers, to tho sounds of a waltz by Larmor, swept away with thoir skirts the clouds of smoke and rofroshed the faces of the driukors. At tho counter some Morlaccan improvisators, accompanied by a pluyor upon tbo guislu, wore recit ing a sort of dramutio complaint which seeraod groutly to divort a dozen strange figures olothod in sheepskin and coifed with tarhonkbs. Iloinrioh wont to the end of the collar and sat at a table where wore already Boatod three or four other personages of joyous mien and merry humor. "Ah, Heinrictil" cried the oldest of the band; "mind yourselves, my friondB; 'foenum hibot in oornu.' You know you had a truly diabolieul look tbe other night; you" almost frightened mo. Who would think that Heinricb, who drinks beer as we do, and who does not draw back beforo a slioe of cold ham, could put on such vonomous wickod and sar donic airs, and thut with a single ges ture bo can make an entire theater shud der. "Ehl why that is the reason why Hoiuiioh is a great, artist, a sublime oom- ediun. Thore is no glory in playing a rolo that is in your character; the . tri umph, for a eoquot.is to excel in playing ingenues." Iloinrioh sat down modestly,and oalled for a lame class of a mixod wine, and tho conversation continuod on tho samo subject. On all sides it was admiration and oomplimouts. AU1 II 1110 grottl t unhung uuvuo uuu Been you!" said ono. "Show us vour feet." said auother. "I am sure you have a forked hoof." The other drinkers attracted by tnose exclamations, lookod at Iloinrioh seri ously, all happy to havo tho opportunity of closely examiniug so remarkable a man. Tbo youug men who had form erly knew Hoinrieh ut the University, and whose namos ho hardly know, came np to him and shook him cordially by tho bund, as it they had boeu his inti mate friends. Tho prettiest valsouses as they passed shot at him the tenderost gUiioesof their bluo and silrory eyes. Ono man only, seated at a neighboring table, seom to take no part in the gen eral enhutliusiusm; his head thrown backward, he was thrummiug distract edly with his fingers on tho orown of his hat a military march, and, from timo to time, he uttered a sort of humph, singu lurly dubious. The aspuot of this man was of tho strangost, although he was dressed as an burgher of Vienna, enjoying a modost fortune; his grey eyes were shaded with green tints, and "shot out phosphoric lights like the eyes of a oat. When his palo, tl.it lips parted, they showed two rows of teeth vory white, very sharp, and vory wide apart, of tho most canni bal and' ferocious aspcot; his long uails, shining and curved, took a vague ap pearance of claws, but thut physiogno my only appeared by rapid flushes; to tho eye that watched him fixedly, his face resumed the "bourgooise'Vaud "debon air" appearance of a retired Vomicae merchant, and you felt astonished that you could have suspected of villainy and deviltry a face so valgar and so trivial. Internally Iloinrioh was shocked at the iudiforeuee kof tho man. This disdainful silence took away their value from tho panegyrics which his noisy companions lavished upon him. It was tho silenco of the old "connoisseur" who did not allow hittsolf to be deceived by appear ances. Atmaver, tho youngest of tbo com pany, tho warmest admirer of Iloinrioh, could not endure this coldness, and ad dressing tbe strange man, as if taking him to hour wituess to an assertion that he advauced, he said: "It is not so, Bir, no actor has ever played the rolo of Mephistopbeles better than my comrado here?" "Humph," said tbe stranger, flashing bis groeu eyes and cruckiug his sharp teeth. "Mr. Heinricb is a young man of talent, whom I e.Heoui very highly; but he ia wanting in many things neces sity to play the role of the devil." And suddenly drawing himself up: "Have you ever seen the devil, Mr. Heinricb? He put tbla question in such a strange and mocking tone that all the company folt a shudder run down their bucks. "That, bowevor, would bo noocssury for the truthfulness of your play. The other evoning I was at the theator of the Carinthiaii Guto, and I was not satisfied with your luugh; it was, at the utmost, a sly laugh. My dear Mr. Hoinrieh, this ij the way you ought to langh": And thereupon, as to give him the example, he burst into a laugh no sharp, bo strident, so sardonic, that the orches tra and dancers stopped at that very in stant; the glass in tbo windows trembled. The stranger continned his pitiless and convulsive laugh for several minutes, and Hoinrieh and his companions, in spite of their torror, oonld not help imitutiDg it. Wbon Hoinrieh recovered himsolf the vaults of the tavern were repoating, like a fecblo echo, the last notes of that broken and torrible titter, and ti e stran ger was no longor there. III. Some days after this strange accident, which he had almost forgotten, or which he romemborod only bs a joke of an iron ical burgher, Hoinrieh was playing his part of the demon in the now piece. On tho first row of scats in tho orches tra was seated the stranger of the tavern, und at every word he pronounced, he shook his head, winked his eye, smocked his tonguo against his palalo, and showed signs Of tbo liveliest impatience. "Bad! bad!" he murmured softly .to himself: At the end of tbe first act tho stranger rose, as if ho had taken a sudden reso lution, strode over tho big drum, tbo cymbals und trombone, and disappeared through the little door thut leads from tho orchestra to tbe stago. Hoinrieh, waiting until the curtain rose, was walk ing up and down in the wing?, and when he cumo to tho end of his short promen ade, what was his terror to seo as he turned, standing in the nurrow oorridor, a mysterious personago, clothed exactly as be wus, and who lookod at him with eyes whoso greeuish transparency had a strungo profundity in the darkness; and whose white, sharp, wida-set teeth gave something ferooious to his sardonic smile. Heinricb could not fail to recognize tbo stranger whom he had seen at tbo Two-beaded Eagle, or rather tbo devil in person, for it was he. Ah! ah! my young frioud, you wish to play the devil! You wore very middling in tbo first act, and you would decidedly givo too poor an idea of me to tbo good citizens of Vienna. You will allow me to replace you this evening, and as you might interfere with me I will send you to tho collar bolow tho stage." Heinricb recognizee! the Prinoe of Darkness and felt himself lost; putting his band mechanically to tho little cross that Katy had given him, be tried to call for help and to mutmnr his formula of exorcism, but terror choked him; he could utter only a feeble rattlo. Tbo dovil seized Heinricb with his hooked hands by tho shoulders and pushed him by main force through tho door, then he entered upou the scene, when his cue came, liko a perfect actor. His incisive, biting, venomous and truly diabolical acting ut first surprised tho spectators. What especially pro duced groat effect was tbe sharp titter like the grating of a saw, thut langh of the dainnod blaspheming the joys of Paradise Never had an actor attained such power of sarcasm, such a depth of villainy; the audiunce laughod, but they trembled. All tho audience was panting with emotion; phosphoric sparks glinted from the fiugers of tbe terrible aotor; trains of sparkling' flauio ran from his feet; the light of tho lusters grew pule, the footlights shot out reddish Hashes; a sort of sulphurous smell roigued in tbo theater; tbo spectators were, as it wero, delirious, uud thunders of frantic ap plause greeted each phraso of the mar velous Mephistopbeles, who often sub stituted verses of bis own invention for the verses of the poet, and tbe substitu tion wus always happy uud accepted with transports. Katy, to whom Heinricb had sent a box, wus in a state of extraordinary alarm; she did not recognize her dear Iloinrioh; slio presaged somo misfortune with that spirit of divination which love gives. Tbo performance ended nmidst indo siribablo enthusiasm. Wheu tho cur tain fell the public Cillod for Mephisto pheios with loud cries. He was sought for in vain; but at last a scene-shifter oame and told tho muuager that Heinricb had been fonud in tbe collar, where ho had probably fallen through a trap. Uoiuricb was unconscious ho was taken to hts homo, nud when ho was uudressed they saw with surprise that he bad deep scratches on his shoulder?, as if a tiger had tried to crush him with his paws. Katy's little cross had preserved him from death, and tho devil, vanquished by this influence, had conteuted himsolf with flinging Heinricb into the cellar of the theater. Tbo convalescence of Heinricb wus long; us soon us he was better the man ager of tbo theater otTored him a brilliant engagement, but Heinricb refused it, for he was by uo means anxious to risk his Balvatiou a second time, und he knew, too, that he would uever bo able to equiil his terrible duplicate. After two or three yours, having oome into a little fortune, he married the handsome Katy, and now the two sitting sido by sido iu front of a porcelain stove in a nico warm room, are talking of tho future of their children. Day-goers still speak with admiration of that marvelous evening, and are as tonished at Heinrieb's caprice which mado him abandon tbe stago after so great a triumph. Hot-SB Without an Owner. It is a curious circumstance that there are two blocks ot unfinished brick houses ou Six teenth and French streets, in Philadel phia, for whom no owner can bo found. They are six in number, and were begun in 1S75, for F. R. Williams, but were abandoned ufter $12,000 hud been ex pended. Since that time they have boen an eye sore to the neighborhood, and have liecn an enlarged "play-houso" for all tbe children thereabouts. The cel lars are partly filled with stagnaut water, decaying carcasses and debris of all kinds, and they have become a nuisance. They have changed owners several time'i. and tbe present owner not being ascertainable the board of health has or dored tbe owner of tbe land to remove them. A Scientific f.xperlm-ut. Yes, sir; it is one of tbe most singu lar scientific facts," suid one hard-looking man with a big mustache, a big glass diamond, and a plug hat, to an other gontloman of the samo spocios as an unsophisticatod-looking stranger on tored tho curd room of a Market street saloon and took a seat. "I don't believe it it don't seem nat urol," objected tbe other Ingonuous party fumbling with his two pound oroide chain. "I'll bot you twenty on it, and 1 11 put the money up in this gentleman's hand's" said tho first speaker, motioning toward the furmer. 'Guess I'll have to go you.H said the other fishing out a consumptive buck skin and produoing a rather dubious looking gold note. "What's the question, gentlemen?" said tho grangor timidly, as ho brushed some haysood off bis alcove and ordered a beer. "Why, just this," explained tho first Kearney street chromo. "I was tolliug my friend here that if a man tics a band age tight around his head be can drink all the boor he cun hold without feeling it can't get drunk, in fact." "Then s'posin' ho takes tho baud age off?" askod tbe farmer, muoh inter rested. "Why. thon. of oourso, it all flies to his head, und ho gets fuller'n a tick in loss thau s'toen minutos. Now. I'll tell you what wo'll do, stranger. We'll pay for ull tho beer you can stretch yonr eslf over, and if the experiment doesn't turn out as I say, yon hand the stakes over to my friend here." "Am 1 io be stukenoldcr, too.' said the rustic, as tbe coin was turned over. "All et-fire away." . "Here, waiter, twenty-five beers!" shouted one of tbe sports, whilo the backer of soiontiflo fucts tied the granger's red bandana so tight u round bis heaol the dolegato from tho tomato counties couldn't get bis eyes shut. Thirty-five glasses disappeared dowu tho agricultural beer trap, but still the importation from Potuluma smiled blandly at his enteituiners, and con versed without the slightest signs of a hiccough, much to the delight of the in stigator of the test. "Now," i exclaimed that individual, mnch excited, "he's had enough to make a horso drank. Let's take off tho band- ago." This was done, and, sure enough, a surprising change came over the subject. His eyes grew heavy, his tongue thick, his bead began to wubblo, and, pres ently, he slipped down on the floor a hopeless cobo of "roller. "That's all right. Nod." said the first conspirator, with a cbucklo. "He's clean gone; hurry up and go through mm. Opon his vest these stockmon generally carry money belts." "I believe I ve got everything now, said tbe other pal, diving into the last pocket, "all except his six-shooter. He's a queer old chicken to go heeled." "Oh, hurry np we don't want his gun." "I'm glad to hear it, gentlemen," said the inebriate, suddenly sitting up and cocking tho weapon referred to. "Don't stir. bovs. I've trot the dron on vou. so just fork over that plunder." "Great Scott! gasped tho spots, as they laid the stranger's effects on the table, "what sort of a job is this?" "Well, the fact is, boys, I'm a detec tive, and have been spottinutyou for a oouplo of boodle-ringers over Binco you struck the town. Let mo see; I win that $10 and I guoss I'll assess jou fel lows about a tennor apiooo extra for es pouses diff it out lively. That is ull right, now, my men; whore do you hail from?" "Chicago," growled the disgusted con fidence men. "I thought so. You'll be allowed just 48 hours to shake the town don't forget. Ta, Ta! Ain't you going to sot uo tbo boer beforo you go?" "Well, yon have gall," mnttorod one of the bankrupt firm, as they pnllod their hats over tbeir eyos and tiled out, "asking us to put up more boer how's that for uerve Mao?" But Mao's feelings were too dorp for utterance. S. F. Post. A n. autiful Tribute to Woman. Place her among tho flowers, foster her as a tender plant, and she is a thiDg of fancy, waywarduess and folly annoyed at a dew-drop, fretted by tbe touch of a butterfly's wing, ready to faint at tbe sound of a beetle or rattling of a window at night, ovorpowored by tbe perfumes of a rosebud. But lot a real calamity come, arouse her affections, enkindle tbe fires of her heart, and mirk her then ! How strong is hor hoart ! Place her in tho heat of battle, givo her a child, a bird or anything to proteot, and seo her in n relative instance lifting her white arms as a shield, as hor own blood crim sons her upturned forobead, praying for her own life to help tho helpless. Trans plant hor to the dark plaeos of the earth, call hor energies to action.and hor breath becomes a healing, her presence is a blessing. Sho disputes inch by inch the strides of stalking pestilence, when the etroug, the brave, tbo noble, pale and affrighted shrink away. Misfortunes haunt her not; sho wears away a life of silence and endurance; an! goes forward with les timidity than for bor bridal. Ia prosperity sho is a bud full of odors, wattiug for tho wings of adversity to scatter them abroad gold, valuable, but untried in the furnace. In short, woman is a miracle, a mystery, tbo center from whioh radiates the charm of existonco. Simple Ballads. All grout singers do not despise simple music. Nilsson is one of the exceptions. "It must not be supposed," she said to the Philadelphia Times, "that simple ballads are tho eas iest tasks which fall to the siuger's lot, I may say that I sing them from choice, because I love them. No lyric poetry gives me greater pleasure than tho melodies of Moore, the ditties of Robert Burns, and tho many s:mplo, touching ballads of nameless authors that live in English homes. I regret l,uf iliarn urn an few renninelv excel lent modern ballads, although there is much that deiiguts me in some oi ouiu van's. English and American andieuces are alike fond, I find, of this simple music. After alt, there is not muon an ference between tbe peoples." To a communist in a beer saloon the ship of state is a icnooner. An auiiirUn Monarch's fleustutrr. Tbe Hungarian uprising for independ ence in 1818 resulted in much good for that dependency of the Hapsburgs. Kos suth, although defeated, did not rebel In vain. Almost all that be fought for has since boon yioldod by tbe Vienna gov ernment. Reforms have boon granted to the Magyars, who are no longer restless under a grinding despotism, but who, with thoir local Parliament, have some thing in tbe somblaneo of freedom. Emi nent Hungarians have been called to high places in the Austrian cabinet, and even to leadership. They have beou trusted by the emperor, and have not beon ungrateful, for distinguished favors received. Connt J alius Andrassy is one of theso. He has been loaded with honors and covered with decorations. A month or two ago his house was entered by burglars, and the numorons imperial and royal deoorations that had beon be stowed upon him were oarried off. The loss was cortainly annoying, iT not seri ous. At a recent diunor given by tho emporor, to which the ex-minister had been invited, a number of Andrassy's friends, more iu jest than in earnest, condoled with him at the disappearance of all his chivalrio insignia in a single night. Andrassy, without perceiving whut might bavo been half raillery, re plied that fow people could roalizo how many petty, oni Keenly vexaiious troubles were inflicted by such a rob bery on a victim. At this moment tho Emperor joinod the group, and having overheard tho romark, laughingly said: "I can very well imagine how desperate tho Count mnst have felt whon he wus informed of what had taken place. Moreover. I know what was the real cause of his despoir. But I shall not re veal it unless I have his promise not to take my disclosure in evil part." The Ponnt. iloi'liirpil that he could not but learn with respectful gratitude whatso ever his Majesty migumaveoeon piouseu to discover; wbeieupon the Emperor ontinnod: "What really drove tho Count beside himself when he was ap prised of tbe robbery was his innor con a'iniiHtinsa Hint Im did not know in tho least what orders, or how many, he was tue possessor oi, ana inereiore couiu noi venture to make the declaration required hv t.hn rtnlii'R in snch cases, soeciallv describing the property stolen from mm. And then, turning to Annrussy, playfully askod him "am I not in the riirhtV" "Yon nrp. indeed." reoliod the Connt, with a profound bow that Signor Del'.Puerite might envy; "in this case my chief annoyance lias resulted iroin an embarrassment of riches." Willing to COinn Down a Utile. In riding ovor to Lost Mountain from Marietta I camo noro-s a young man who was digging post holes for u barbed wire fence, und when I told him what I wanted, he replied: "111 go with vou. 1 was in tuat fight myself, und I kin point out eyery position." When we reached the ground he be gan telling where this and that regiment was stationed, and linaliy lie Halted ue- sido a huge boulder and said: "Eight here, stranger, was whore I squatted for four hours. I rested my gun right there on that ledge, and I reckon I killed exactly twenty-eight Yanks that day." "No!" "Solemn fact, and I know a dozen men who'll swear to it." "Let's see! This battle was fought in 1801?" "K'rect yon are." "That's ubout eighteen years ugo?" "Jist about." "And you are about twenty-five years old?" "I wus twonty-five this spring. Then I looked at him for a long timo, but he never winced. When we were going home, and after a long period of silonce, ho suddenly remarked: "Strauger, don't you believe I was thar?" "Perhops yon were, but you see you were not quite seven years old on tho duy of that fight." "That's what I've boen figuring on." be continned in a serious voice, "and I'll tell von what I'm willing to do." "Well?" "I'll call it twenty-four instead of twent eight dead Yanks in front of my position! That's fair isn't it?" I told him that nothing could bo more liberal, and cordial relations were at once established. II? DMit't 4'atili O i. He was a tendor-foot. new to tbe scenes, lounged in amoug the miners and cow-boys of Eastern Oregon, and when he was slapped on the shoulder and askod to "irrigate," he said: "What?" "Moisten your larynx?" "How?" "Sinilo?" "I don't catch yonr meaning." "Drivo another nail?" "You have tho advantags." "Try some of the hair of that dog that bit you?" "I cannot grasp "Nominate your poison." "What's that?" "Crook vour elbow?" "I'm in the tbo dark." "Belly up." "Do what?" "Test the tipple?" "Dou't " "Cut the phlegm?" "The" "Sample?" "Sample what?" "Paint your nose?" "Paint my nose?" "Take some whisky gin cognsc drink something strong with me. You don't seem to catch onto no kind cf a hint. Won't you drink some whisky and sugar?" A new contrivance for heating freight cars been put in use on sooio of the New England railroads. The apparatus is an automatic heater, the flime regulating itself to the outside temperatue Bnd maintaining an even temperature of 10 to 43 degrees inside tbo car. It it is cold outside, tho fir burns more brickly, if warm, it dies awy. Tbe beater is an oil stove of peculiar construction and tbe beat is conveyed under the tl or and np the sides of tbe car on all sides. It is useful in the North to enable shipments of apple, potatoes and v.-gt t ib.e in freexing wtratner. ALL bOBH. When a pretty Irish girl is stolon s.uue boy-cotter is suspected. Black wool dresses remain tho favor itos of American women for ordinary wear. Tbe wearer of patched tron iers in a firm boliever in the efficacy of patched ulsters. It is dangerous to ask a woman idls quostious, when she is adding uu a grocery bill. e Murriage makes mon thoughtful About half thoir time is spent in form ing excuses. It is a popular error to look upon the wearer of the "mutton-chop" whiskers as mutton-headed. Children wear Jerseys, and rod is a stylish color for thoir whole costume from cap to slippors. ' Some pretty fancy wall pockots come in the shapo of an old-fasbiond bellows for blowing tho fire. New sorvant: "Ob. if yoii haven't anv children I can't come, bocause whenever anything is brokon there will be nobody to umuio ii on out me. "Need a new hat?" he said. "No. hut I'll tell you in confidonco why I bought it. I want folks to think I'm a Demo crat." Boston Post. Making fun of English fun: North countryman to tourist: "Ah!" Tourist to Aorta countryman: "Ah, hah!" North countryman retires much disooncorted. Arkansaw Traveler. A man at Omaha found $.1 on the street, and he udvortisod the find to the extont of $7, and! made the losor foot the bill. It is sometimes disagrocublo to deal with an honest man. A Binghamton mail bag was found in a New York lager-beer saloon last wook. ' Nobody who is at all acquainted with Binghampton males will consider this strange. Rochester Express. But one may run a risk once too often. They stay away from tho polls, saying tuat ono vote can do no good! Or they take another step, and say one vote c.i'u do no harm! And vote for something which iney do not approve oocausa their party or set does. Emerson. Us Ik). "Now. boys, when I ask you a nues- tion you mustn't be afraid to spoak right out and answer me. Whon you look around and see all tbe fine bouses, farms and cattle do you ever think who owns them all now? Your fathers own them, do thoy not?" "Yes, sir," shouted a hundred voices. "Well, where will yonr fathers be in twenty years from now?" "Dead !" shouted the boys. "That's right. Aud wbo will own this proportv then?" "Usboye-" "Eight. Now tell mo, did you ever in going along a street notice tbe drunkards lounging around the saloou-doors wait ing for somo ono to treat them?" "Yes, sir; lots of tbeni." "Well, where will they be in twenty years from now?" "Dead." , "And who will bo the drunkards then?" "Us boys," shouted the unabashed youngsters. Albany Press. Too Talkative. A Clovelander owns a parrot of bril liuut talkative ability. Poll wai hanging in tbe porch one day, when a strange dog came along and settled himself down in a snug corner for a nap. Poll let him get woll curled up, and then began to whistle and shout: "Sio him, sir; sic him." The dog raised his bead lazily at first, but ut Poll's persistent calls got up and looked ready for business. Seeing no body about, but espying Poll, he made a dash f Dr her, aud managed to give her about the worst imaginable shaking np, when she yelled excitedly: "Let me go, d n you let mo go." Tbe now astonished bsast dropped the bird and ran off. Poll surveyed her dismal aspect rue fully, and was heard shortly after scold ing hoi self lowly: "Poll you talk too much, Poll, you talk too much." A Great Mistake. During a marriage ceremony the bride vas sobbing immoderately while tbe knot was beiug tied. "Whut is tbe mutlcr. my young wo man?" asked tbe oflioial. "Oh. sir," replied the bride, "it's 1 e cause it's forever." "No, no," replied the parson, "that's a mistake a great mistake it's not for ever. Death puts an end to tho engage ment." Ou hearing this the brido dried her tsirs and was consolts.J An engineor employed on some of tbe public works at Szeged in, Hungary, bought four cigars one day not long ago and began to smoke. He had finished one and laid another, half -smoked, upon his writing-table when suddenly it ex ploded, throwing him from his chair and wounding his chcok, ears, lips and left hand. Investigation showed that the cigar bad contained a glass tube filled with nitroglycerine. Tbe fact that tobacco is a monopoly, manufactured uad sold by dealer licensed by tbe Gov ernment, makes the mystery deeper. If the officer's cigar bad boon in his mouth when it exploded he would doubtless have been killed, a circumstanoe which does not add to the pleasure of smoking in Szegedin. A roMMUsnr as a Divorce Conn. Not to very long ago a man and his wife iu this county came to the conclusion that they needed a divorce. Consequent ly Jthey divided tbe property equally, drew up an agreement and sent for three or four of their neighbors to oome in, who beard tbe statement of each and ap proved the agreement, and man and wife separated. The next court one of tbe parties brought the papers to Lexington and placed them in tbe hands of an at torney, with instructions to present them and get Wbe approval of the grand jury, then in session, it being with difficulty that the lawyer made her believe that the divorce was of no account and not U gal. Oglethorpe Echo.