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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 10, 1880)
A STRAXGE 10VE. BY II. C. IlODOB. I riaaptd her. strayullng, lo my broad; I rlinpen-d love unkunwn; On kiH upon brr 11m I pressed And ibe iu all my own. I loved tier with a love profound, E'en Deat h sou Id ne'er destroy And yet 1 muat confess I found My bliss badsomea'loy. One eve I law her. unawares, Upon a fel.ow's lap, He olalmliiic ! npe and rare I l:d in t like tbecliap. , . 8be ladsoroe faulta (a we have all), And one I hoped to tnrottl She bud. alas, what I mtiHt call A weakness for the bottle. One morn I met her ere wai made Her toll el, and beneath An old straw bat her laugh betrayed My darling bad no teeth. Unconscious of my presence she Wltuaitlessantlosrare, I Tore oil ber bat and -Uraclou me!- Her bead was minus hair. : i But love la founded on a rock And mighty In lis might, i For 1 could learn, without mock, She could not read nor wrl. I . She could not dance nor aln a tone, Aud aearcely could eotiVH! Bui. H'tmt raieJ I alie win uy own For oelter or for worse. I 0! how I love her-I confcied Devotion and you, may le, Would do the nm If youpoasesaed Another aucb a Baby. The Handkerchief uul Fan. A dainty handkerchief anil a Japanese fan, the handkerchiof, cuelessly thrust through the fun's stieks.'were lying on chair. j "Well," said the hnntkorchief, "how do you like this? We hare had enough sea air at any rate, left olt all night on this damp piazza. It is butrageous. I look like an old rap;." "It is careless of herf answered the fan. "I feel very rheumatic, and I am sure my sticks are spoilel." "Spoiled! I should thilk so!" snapped the handkerchief; "all itho varnish is coming off on mo. I shall nover bo fit to be seen again, and I liato rag-bags." "It is better than ash-leaps," said the fan, drearily; "that is where I will be thrown at last. It is awful! Such dirty people pick one up." j "Well, it is nicer to b picked up by a pleasant person," said tie handkerchief. "That Mr. Cartright, nw. lie always picks me up so carefully when our lady lets me fall. I like him, "Yes, I know," said tin fan, but why docs sho let mo fall so often? I wonder if ladies always jump up without looking at what they have? If seems so. Up they get, down rolls ibzeus of things, and off go the gentlemen to pick them up. They swear over it too sometimes, they loll so far. So a ball of worsted told me." i "0! ladies never think. It isn't ex pectod," said the handkerchief shortly. "They are supposed to look pretty, that's t all! Dress does a great deal toward po sition. Our lady was very careful about her toilettes for coming here. She has handkerchiefs to match every dress. She caino to get into society you know." "Did she?" said the fan curiously, "What does that mean?" "Well, really," answered the handker chief, contemptuously, "yon seem to know very little of the world; but I sup pose quite simple-minded people live in Japan." "Japan," laughed the fan; "I never saw the place. Most of us are made in America and perfumed. It does jnst as well. Hut never mind that tell me - about society. What must one do to get there? Is it a place?" "A place!" laughed the handkerchief in her turn, "I should think not, indeed. Society is people, not everybody, but the people." "What sort are they?" asked the fan, "handsome?" "Well, not always; sometimes." "Clever?" "No, not always; sometimes." "Good people) perhaps?" I am afraid not always." "Rich?" "Often, but not always; our lady is rich enough, you know; her father made it in the glue'factory." "Well, what sort of people is society, then?" said the fan. "Oh! people of family. The Walling fords and the Shuslians aud the Gottards in our town. They are society. Mood, you know." "I don't know anything of the kind," answered the fan, sturdily, "I have heard that Mr. Wallingford's grandfather kept a grog shop, and that Mr. (lottard's mother made flowers for a living before she was married. Is that all society is?" "You don't understand," said the handkerchief, crossly ; "are rather stupid. You can tell society people in a minute; they have an air. They come into a room as if they owned everything in it, and so they do. Plenty of people bow down to them." "Ah! now you begin to talk," said the fan. "I am not so stupid; you did not tell me properly before. I see now. I see now. It is push which makes society; smiling and bending, but pushing along all the same; never minding snubs, and sliding into place after all. I have seen people get through crowds that way; it is the same sort of thing. A smile and by-vour-leave here, and a gruff push there, and a stiff beg pardon, another time, but always getting through. Be fore people know it sometimes, thero you are in front of them. They almost won der how yon got there. Push, smile, puih, and on you go; all " "Dear me," interrupted the handker chief, "there comes our lady and with Mr. Gottard, for all the world! How did the get to know him?" "Why," said the fan, slyly," he talked to her all last evening, very close, in this very spot were you asleep? why didn't you tell me he was society?" "It was so dark." murmured the hand kerchief, rather ashamed. "One can't tell societv people in the dark." "Oh! here it is." said a bright, fresh young Toice. "I'm so glad. Dear old fan; I would not lose it for the world; no " "Nor would I have you," answered Mr. Gottard, Tery softly, "it reminds me of one of the pleaaantest evenings I evei spent." "Oh! oh!" whispered the fan to the handkerchief, "she is in society." Pftil ade'phia Prut. Will you, then, p.uu them?- W. Wajbridg in Boston Traveller. American Honey on Vlctolra's Table. It is a curious commercial fact that whereas a year ago no American honey in the comb was imported to England. not less than half a million pounds will be sent in the next twelve months. The trouble was honey could not be sent strained and canned, for the reason that it wonld candy, American honey is by far the best in the wJrld as regards flavor and purity of appearance. Know ing that, a New York firm hired Mr. Hodge, a well-known honey expert, to try to introduce it in England. Over the water went Hodge, with a big lot of tho sweet stuff in the comb. It required skill to pack it and to load aud unload, but it arrived all right, not a cell being burst? The English dealers in honey gave him the cold shoulder. They had the editors of the British Bee Journal give him a raking down, and they themselves added all the menu things they could say. Mr. Hodge made little headway. He was about to give it up for a bad job when a brilliant thought struck him. Ho must get the honey on the Queen's table. How was he to do this? While lucking his teeth after dinner and ruminating ou the subject, his eye alighted on a pickle jar. It bore tho name of a man who had been high steward in Windsor castle. "He's my man," said Mr. Hodge to him self, and away ho went for the pickle man: Did ho rush np to him and blurt out, "I want to put American honey on the Queen's table?" Not a bit of it. He began to talk pickles with the man asked a thousand questions about how they were made, ate a score or more of them, and ended by proposing that the pickle-man furnish pickles lo the Ameri can house that he represented. The pickle man was delighted. The New York man gave him an order. They had a bottle of wine together, and the American said: "Now, I have helped yon, vou must help me. Can't you put American honey on the Queen's table?" "Of course I can," was tho reply, and in no time the arrangements were made. A case of honey was given to the pickle man, and another was sent to tho high steward, and in a short time somo of it was before the royal family. The young folks liked it so well that Victoria gave orders that it bo kept in the castle. That was enough. American honey was from that moment in demand, aud Mr. Hodge has just sent orders for the shipment of 500,000 pounds of this year's crop. Tho British Bee Journal flopped over to the other side and was loud in praising the American article. Every fashionable table must have American honey. Corr. Cincinnati Enquirer According to the French Code. The duties of seconds occupy much space in Counte de St. Thomas's dispen sible volume. As a rule, of course, they must prevent their principals from meeting and making it up. But if one of tho duelists is of no skill with his weapons, while the other is a master of the foil and pistols, we gather that the seconds may try to arrange matters even on the ground. They should not allow either party more than a minute aim, but a wounded man is allowed two minutes, after which he is out of the game. A quarter of an hour's delay on the ground is quite grace enough to give up an un puuctual duelist. In a fight with saber or rapier, no one should be permitted to parry with his hand; it is as illegal as the coup lie botle or "leg before wicket" in England. The old school of fence permitted the use of a dagger in the left hand, for parrying. In a sword duel the seconds are armed with big sticks to en-J force their decisions. In lighting with pistols the distance between the parties should be 15 paces. M. Gambetta tights 30 or 40 paces, it is more states manlike. The pistols should be equally strange to both parties. The length of tho barrel must be the same in both weapons. When once on the ground the ground the principals bow politely; that is all they have to do till tho seconds have completed their arrangements. The seconds must feel the bodies of the men to see that they carry nothing which might break the course of a bullet. Some one fought a banker once, and hit him in the waistcoat, without satisfac tory results. Tho banker had been struck in a portmonnaie full of gold, and his adversary congratulated him on "skillful investment of his money." After both parties have promised to com ply with tho articles of battle, tho second says,' "I warn you that at the word armez you must cock your pistols, and that honor bids you not to fire,before 1 say tiret." Tho men are then placed, the word armez is given, and alter a few seconds, lirez. The combatants lire in succession; the first have a minuto in which to aim, and the second a minute after the other pistol has gone off -two minutes, if he is hit. This is the manner of the stationary duel. It really seems as if the combatants must generally be rather nervous, for it might be thought next to impossible to miss an object the size of a man 15 paces with a minute al lowed for aiming. The duel an signal we recommend to peaceful souls averse to bloodshed. From 25 to 85 paces separates the opponents. The signal to fire is given by one of the seconds clap ping his hands twice in half a minute. In this duel the principals fire simul taneously, and it is rather a snap shot at best. To tire too soon or too late is to commit a felony. If one man fires and the other reserves his lire, the seconds must run between them. A pleasing duty this for disinterested friends of the parties. 77 Saturday Review. HUMOROUS, Political principles change, kingdoms are overthrown and religious alter; but four aces bold an undisturbed pre-eminence in their own peculiar line. It is hard to decide w hich is the more pestilential the young bore who is forev er bragging what he is going to do, or the old bore who is forever bratririnir what he has done. A eon of the Gretn Isle stood on the highway looking on a comrade who was lying helpless through drink. The day was hot, and, as the Irishman wiped bis forehead, he said, sadly: "Ah, my boy I wish I had half of your disease." A poem commences: "Under the willows he's lying." He must be a tramp. Thy lie under all sorts of trees. One was discovered lying under an axle tree the other morning. The owner of the wa'on made him wheel-wright around and leav. t'liaructeristlcsor Lord lerhv Lord Derby, till his marriage was the reverse of your quiet, domestic man, who is typically supposed to shine at tea parties. He was so rarely under the paternal roof, that when he turned up one day at Knowsley: "Hullo, Edward!" exclaimed his father, "is Dizzy dead? Or are you going to be married? Or what is it?" His sire very often urged him to get married, and he ns often re fused, preferring a roving life. He has been twice in India, and, curiously enough, was first returned to Parliament during his stay in that country, and first appointed to otlico during his second. Tho electors of King's Lynn recalled him on first tho occasion (ho was then 22);his father on tho other, having named him Under-Secretary for Foreign Affairs. This was iu 1SC2, or four years later. His maiden speech, bv the way, was on sugar. It was not bolivered till some 15 months after he had become a member of the House, and was a modorate suc cess. ' He has labored with but faint success, to opposo the vain custom of wearing dress clothes at bachelors' dinner parties. It mav well be imagined that such a mau would not generally care to bedizen himself with stars and ribbons. When the Garter was offered him, on his re tirement from office, ho uuhesitately re fused it, quoting, with approval, an anecdote of the law Lord Fitzsvilliaui, to whom the same honor was tendered. "How much will it cost me?" ho asked. "About 1000," was the answer. "I think I can find a better use for the money," replied Lord Eitzwilliani calmly. "He has all the minor vices," w hich must be a merit in the eyes of Lord Beuconsfield; smokes, and although not quite up to the Bismarckian level of strength in quailing tumblers of cham pagne and porter mixed, yet ho does not fall much below it; for ho can take champagne, and porter immediately afterward on the top of it. Ho had never been a sportsman, and can scarcely rido. As to beliefs, they are delicate subjects to touch upon. But I hope the square toed will not bo scandalized by tho fol lowing confession of faith on tho Epis copacy. A serious person asked him: "Do you think, my Lord, that Liver pool requires a bishop?" "Not quite as much as London," replied Lord Derby, but not in a tone that left grave doubts as to whether the speaker was sufficiently alive to the utility of Bishops iu general. Romance op a Pooit You.no Giul. In 1H7'J a young man named William Free man rented a farm near Wellsville, Alleghany county, New York. Ho em ployed an elderly woman ashousekeoper, and her nephew assisted in the farm work. During the summer of 1877 several burglaries were committed in the neighborhood, and stolen goods having been found secreted in Freeman's barn, he was arrested. Ho protested innocenco, and it was expected that he would bo acquitted, but on boing brought to trial ho pleaded guilty, and was sentenced to eighteen months' imprisonment. An application was made for his pardon, and the physician of the prison in his visit ascertained that tho prisoner was a woman. She was removed to the female department, and sho told the history of her lifo. Her parents wero German emigrants, and sho was born on the ocean. Losing her father by death, her mother married again, and at eleven years of ago sho left them and worked as a scrvaut in a farm house. After that ulm ilismiised herself as a bov. and did farm work in a dist nt part of the country, and worked one season on uie Erie Canal. After two years shore turned to tho vicinity of her former home, and no ono recognized her. For ten years, under tho name of William Freeman, she worked without any sus picion that she was not a man. In re gard to tho crime to which she pleaded guilty, and sho took that course under tlireuVs of ber housekeeper's nephew.who was the real burglar. She was pardoned, assumed hernghtiui (tress, aua as mary Ann Kluifnr rpturned to her mother's houso. After that sho obtained einploy . . , . - . i i incur in a snoo sioro, anu ua since married tho merchant from whoso store tlm rrnmlx n-prn Htnlcn. and is now located at Limestone, Cattaraugus county, New York. Tho real burglar fled the State on his guilt becoming known. Lady Hester Stanhope. A corres pondent writes: In a conversation with the Key. Dr. Thompson, the author of "The Land and the Book," and for more than forty years a missionary in Syria, we had rovived an interest in that ex traordinary woman, Lady Hester Stan hope, known in the East as Priucess Djoun; the Syrian Sibyl, etc. It was sho who, in a half-ruined convent a few miles from Beirut, with her soldiers and slaves, stabbed a mystical white mare with a hollow back, a miraculous saddle in which the prophetess believed she was one day to ride forth and meet the celestial bridegroom. She defied Ibra him Pasha, annihilated a village for disobedience, burned a chalet with all its inhabitants for the murder of a trav eler, and was addressed as "cousin" in a letter from the Sultan. But ihe died miserably. Dr. Thompson and the Eng lish Consul wero sent for in her last 111 nees. They arrived too late. She lay there in her fortress, deserted by her Albanian troopers, her retinue of ser vants and her parasites. A traveler thus writes of the event: "A profound silence was all over the place no one went there they lighted their own lamps in the outer court, and passed unquestion ed through court and gallery, till they came to where she lay ; a corpse was the only inhabitant of Dijoun, and the isola tion from her kind, which she so long sought, was indeed completed. That morning thirty-seven servants had watched every motion of her eye; that spell once darkened by death every one fled with the plunder; not a single thing was left in the room where she lay dead, except upon her person no one had at tempted to touch that and even in death, she seemed able to protect herself At midnight the missionary and the Consul carried her out to a favorite resort of hers in the garden, and there buried her." So ended the reign of the "Qeen of the Desert. Tin'Mmm Yonnc'i estate finally sim mers down to $75,000, which is to be divided among seven hem. Female Claimants. With tho return of Congress came many of the little army of persons who have claims which are pending in Con gress, where, too, many of them have been hanging on for, lo! these many years. Among this army of claimants are sovoral who are so remarkablo in their genoral oppoarnnceof manners that they lire known to all those whose busi ness brings them to the Capital. Of these, Mother Brown, as sho is called, is the most famous. She is not a bad looking woman, of about sixty years of age, and is always particular in having her snow-white hair nicely fixed up in curls, which hang ou both sides of her face. Mother Browu is attired in a "nothing-to-wear" manner, and has ull manner of garments on her, w ith ribbons of all hues hanging from every place she can pin them. If her hair was black, her make-up would bo that of a splendid looking gypsy. In colors and ribbons sho runs to' bright reds and yellows. Mother Brown, notwithstanding all these good points, is generally regarded as an annoyanco or a nuisance. Her lifo is devoted to one continual worry of the members of Congress, aud especially of the members of the Committee of Chums. Her claim results from some kind of ser vice rendered during tho war, and does not amount to anything. Thero has never been a favorable report made on it yet, which is a pretty goodevidenco that thero is nothing in it. On this imaginary claim sho has been hanging around the hlls of ' tho Capital, to my personal knowledge, for sixteen years. Sho conies as regularly as the session, and departs the day tho adjournment takes place. It is generally agreed that sho is not ns sound in tho head as some others who are almost as much about tho Capitol, though she can hardly bo called insane. How sho lives no one knows, though thero is a belief that sho has a small in come from some source which about pays her living expenses. Sho travels to and from tho city on her muscle refusingto pay a cent until Congress has passed her claim. Mother Brown is of tho opinion that there never have been but two good men in Congress since tho war; ono of them was Andrew Jiickson, the ex ProBident and Senator from Tennessee, and Blue Jeans Williams, formerly a Representative of Indiana, and afterward Governor of the State. Mr. Johnson was tho only Senator that would listen to Mother Brown ns long as sho wanted to talk. Patterson who was a Senator from Tennessee when Johnson was President, was olsu a good listener to her, but ho would laugh at her the moment sho left. Sho caught him at it several times, aud from that moment swore vengeance townrds him. Old Blue Joans, however, would listen to her and adviso with her on tho claim. He had a way of getting rid of her by introducing some other member, and, while they wero talking.of slipping away. Another remarkablo easotis that of tho Lady of tho Lake the name another woman claimant goes by. Sho is an Eastern woman, old maidish in looks and wears corkskrow curls. Her back is as straight as an arrow. Her claim, also, is largely of an imaginary character. Sho has been a regular attendant for nt least ten years. The Lady of the Lake seldom speaks to any ono, whilo Mother Brown is talking almost all tho time. From this fact some know tho lady by the nanus of tho man with the Iron Jaw. They are great characters in their way, and help to make up tho scenes that make tho inside of legislation so interest ing to many. There aro two wooden legged women, -"ono of whom ubob crutches; who can frequently bo seen about the building, but those will not put in an appearaneo until after tho Christmas holidays, as thero is a general understanding that nothing w ill bo done iu tho way of legislation until after them. Dr. .Mary Walker, who is probably better known or more written about than any otlier lady in this country, is also quite a famous claimant. Sho has two good ones that will yield- some day. Her big claim is for services as a surgeon during the war. Under some hitch in tho law, although sho rendered the ser vice, being a womau sho could not legally draw tho salary. It is for this that she makes her visits to Washington. Her claim is for $5000, and it has been passed by- one or the other of tho houses several times, but never by both during the same session. Her great friend has always beon General Butler, and it has been by his efforts that sho has almost got her money on several, occasions. Sam Cox is also a strong supporter of tho littlo doctor. When Butler and Cox favor of a claim thore aro betting chancel in favor of its getting through. Although there may lie a tremendous opposition to it, Ben Butler wipes away opposition with precedent, law and appeals for money, whilo Cox laughs it out of ex istence at the expense of those who are opposing him. A True img Mory. I have received great pleasure and in struction from reading the many good stories of canine sagacity, so think it only fair to add my mite to the fund. I can personally vouch for the truth of the fol lowing incident, which can also be cor roborated by the Rev. Alsop of Merced, Biid II. Buckley of the same place. I owned two beautiful springer spaniels that were very much attached to each other. They wero kept in a yard back of rny house, which is surrounded by a brick wall tx feet high. A short time since Bill, the dog, was taken out by my little boy, who lost him in the city. Two days after his loss, I was looking out of the par lor window, when my notice wasattracted to Bill, who was making frantic efforts to jump over the wall. His cries finally at tracted the attention of Fan, who ran around the yard as if seeking for somo means to admit BilL Being desirous of seeing what the dogs would do, I ordered everyone in the bouse to keep quiet, when imagine my surprise on seeing Fan mount a ladder and get on top of the wall. Bill immediately eame right under'wherestie stood, and the pair engaged in canine conversation for a few moments. Then Fan squated down on the wall, letting her tail hang outside. Bill jumped np and caught ber tail in hia teeth, and Fan, straightening herself, drew him np to where she stood. From there they jumped down into the yard, when they frisked around in a way that showed their con sciousness of having done a clever trick. Ilisar Carlisle. Necessity is the mother of Thomas Ed. son. Exvrw, Edmund lean. Tho theater was in great straits; the managers were as sinking men clutching at straws; otherwise they would not have ventured upon tho dospoiato expedient cf suffering Mr. Kean to appear. For weeks ho had hung about the theater, al most begging that ho might have a trial. He was known to the scolllng stage-door keepers as "the man with the capos," be cause of tho heavy coachman's coat he wore it was bitter wintry weather, the snow two feet deep upon toe ground. Ho was allowed the chance at hist. But one rehearsal was thought necessary; this was in tho morning of the memorable January 2l, 1NU, tho day fixed for his first performance. Ho repeated his speeches with some intimation of the manner he proposed to adopt in deliver ing them before the footlights. His play-fellows predicted failure; the stago manager, boldly denounced tho innova tions of the provincial actor. "If I am wrong tho public will see me right," said the tragedian of the Theater Royal, Exeter. Tho stago manager shrugged his shoulders. The actor dined liberally for tho first time in many days upon steaks and porter; then walked through the snow from his lodging iu Cecil street to the theater, carrying his properties, an old pair of black silk stockings, a col lar and a black wig for contrary to all precedent his "Sliylock" woro a black wig tied up in a handkerchief, and thrust into the pocket of tho great coat with ttie capes. Tho houso was only a quarter full. Tho play began drearily enough. Yet Shyloek's early speeches as Kean rendered them they wero "liko a chapter of Genesis," Douglas Jorrold was wont to say greatly impressed the audienco, stirred to extraordinary en thusiasm afterward when tho time on mo for the actor's superb outbursts of pas sion. Oxberry was surprised that so small an audienco could "kick up so great a row!" Tho success of Edmund Kcan's "Sliylock" could no longer bo questioned. Tho triumphant actor hur ried homo, crying exultingly to his wife: "Mary, you shall rido in your carriage, and Charley, my bov," and he lifted the three-year-old baby from his cot, "you shall go to Eton!" Ou tho actor's second night tho receipts woro just double thoso of tho first that is to sny, tho house was half full. Tho committee of management began to doubt whether a genuine success had been achieved; they had Buffered so much from quasi Bueeessos; they oven contemplated tho removal of Kcan's name from the bills, and tho trial of another candidate. Lord Byron sensibly expostulated: "You havo got a great genius among you nnd you don't know it. But ho will fall through liko many others unless wo lift him, and force tho town to como and see him. There is enough in Kean to bear out any extent of panegyric, nnd it will not do to trust an opportunity liko this to tho mens routine (f tho ordinary chanees. Wo must go in a body, call upon tho proprietors and editors of tho leading papers, au1 ask them to attend in person and write tho articles them selves." This advice was followed with tho happiest results for Keau's famo and fortune. He appeared as "Sliylock" fifteen times during his first season at Drury Lano, and tho part remained to tho last ono of tho most admired in his repertory. All the. Year Bound. Aitroluglcal Tlieuljgy. it is not easy to skk that the sun has so MUCH THE IIRTTEIt OF US. Profowor Proctor's lay sermon Sunday night was full of asjiring thought, and liberally sprinkled with quotations mostly from tho Old Testament. He took his audience on a cheap excursion among the shirs and planets, and pointed out many farts which must have been new to those who were not proviou.-ly familiar with them. It seems to us, however, that the Drencher madu a little too much fuss over tlits Kiin. 11 iB excessive laudation of that body sounded as though he had been "seen" by somo speculator from there, which, if true, is a serious tiling in a lay minister. All that should be left to the regular incumbents who know how to do it delicately and without offense. Besides, the sun, as we have said before, is noth ing to brag about. He Is no further from us than we are from kirn, and so far as concerns his being more than a million times as powerful as the earth is, the force of such a statement depends upon what is meant by power. We havo yet to learn that the sun contains a system of elevated railroads or a well-regulated stock exchange, or that it can produce a man like Sauiiuv lilden in politics, or W II. Vamlcrbiltin mathematics. Professor Proctor is old enough to have found out that power does not go by weight aud mere size in this reconstructed universe We shouldn't wonder a bit that in enso of a collision between the tun and the earth, our planet would iro Kiuarelv through the big heavenly bully and come out on the otlier side without scorching a hair just like the three young Hebrews in the liery furnace we have all read about. Professor Proctor's idea that with suffici ently powerful spectacles any old gentle man could see 50,000,000 suns, Aon I seem to us to be of any consequence. There is only ono apiece of them, after all, and probably not a sun of a gnu of them all possess an illustrated daily journal that begins to equal the Graphic- It is about time this business of flinging mere big ness and abstract numerusity in our faces was put a stop to. The earth may not measure as much around the waist ss some of the luminous ash heaps that are kick ing around the sky, but when you come to the question of enterprise and genius, there isn't a single revolver among them that can hold a tallow dip for It to pull ou its boots by. "He took two drops of thought, and beat them into a bnshel of bubbles." was the description given of a sixaker whose rhetoric ran ahead of hia logic. Can anybody explain why enormonsly fat women always like to decorate their outer garments with fluffy bands of long haired fnr? Do they fancy themselves Bernhardt, or do they mean to exagger ate a defect until it becomes a grace. There is still living in Fulton county, Ga., an old man named Gregg, who en joys the distinction of having guarded the Great Napoleon during his captivity on board the Bellerophon previous to his departure for St. Helena. Mr.Oregg, who is now eighty-five years of age, was one of the British marines on the Beller ophon, and it was his duty to guard the cabin door of the illustrious prisoner and prevent intrusion. PERSONALS. Mr. Hendricks, of Indiana, is sixty. General Grant is not observably gray. Senator Bryard is very fond of home. Tennyson's new play is in blank verse. When the moon pets full it keeps lat hours. Tho wind always finds something to bl w a jout. Mr. (Hailstone likes to say women iu s'tcad of laities. Prof. Proctor, the English scientist, is in Washington. Bishop Gilbert Haven is not expected to recover. Darw in should look through the Z.o for the missing lynx. Murmonism has gained -400 converts in Georgia and Alabama this year. Senator David Davis wears number 115a congress gaiters. The wife of tho Prince of Wales, Alex andria, is thirty-five. Gov. Robinson and his daughter will spend January in New York. Mrs. A. T. Stewart nays a tax on $500,- 000 personal property. Stanley is ascending tho Congo, bound for the heart of Africa. Thurlow Tweed saw tho first steamboat aud rode on the first railway car. Calcraft. for forty-six years hangman of London, died recently. Chief Just ico Waite's portrait has been presented to Ohio by his daughter. Mr fllmlstnno and the Liberal party will bo victorious, thanks to Lord Rose- bery. President Garrett, of the Baltimore and Ohio, eontrolls 3000 miles of rail way. Christina's bridal trosseuux filled five railway vans, as they journeyed to Mad rid. Of tho CM soldiers sent out by Balti more, tho Mexican War but thirteen survive "There's no cxcubo for swearing," Bays Beecher, and lots of people don't want any. Bismarck's daughter is a handsome brunette, with abundant hair, and large, black eyes. A fugitive murderer in Kontueky was pursued, captured and taken to jail by his own father. M. De Lesseps, being the younger of ('omit Thoodore do Lesseps, is called Viscount de Lesseps. Stealing a ten-dollar horse cost a Colo rado man histifo, ulthough ho had been tried and acquitted five different times for murder. Ex-Secretary Bristow, having succeed ed in building up a tine legal practice in Now York, has decided to settlo there permanently, When the Czar arose in tho theater at St. Petersburg and said: "I havo never boon so happy in all my life," no ono dared to say, "What! n r?" Felieia was gliding down Tromont street in Boston the other afternoon, with a Derby hat on and carrying her hands in the pockets of her long ulster, when a small boy ran up and said: "Say, Miss, if yer had a cigar now, you'd bo all right, woulud't you?" A now memoir of Lord BeuconsReld, just out in England, bears this motto from Artetntis Ward: ''lie asked what was tor prinserpuls; 'I ain't got enny,' I said; 'not. a nrinserpul I'm in tho show bizi ness.' " Mr. Hendricks, of Indiana, is now sixty years old, a modium-sized man with a contradictory countenance, sine his jaw is described as pugnacious, and his eyes as largo, pacific and blue. Hendricks' wife firmly believes that sooner or Inter sho will reign in tho White Houso. Mrs. Martha Washington was a plump, pretty, springy littlo woman in hor youth, but settled down into a plain, domestic wife, who looked sharply after the servants. Sho was far from an educated woman, and though she kept her own accounts, was a very poor Bpcllcr. Personal Characteristics of Lord Derby, Lord Derby, till his marriitjre, was the very reverse of your quiet, domestic man, who is typically supposed to shine at tea parties. He was so rarely under the pa ternal roof that when he turned ur one day at Knowsley: "llullo, Edward !" ex claimed his father; "is Dizzy dead? Or are you poin to get married t Or what is it'."' His sire very often urged him to get married, aud he as often refused, pre ferring a roving life. He has been twice in India, and curiously enough, was first returned to Parliament during his first stay in that country, and first appointed to office during his second. The electors of King's Lynn recalled him on the one occasion (he was then 22), his father on the other, having named him under sec retary for foreign affairs. This was in 1852, or four years later. His maiden speech, by the way, was on sugar. It was not delivered till some fifteen months after he had become a member of the' House, and was a moderate success. He has labored, with but faint success, to oppose the vain custom of wearing dress clothes at bachelor dinner parties. It may well be imagined that such a man would not generally care to bedizen him self with stars and ribbons. When the (iarter was offered him on his retirement from office, he unhesitatingly refused it. quoting, with approval, an anecdote of the late Lord r iizwiinam, lo wnom th same honor was tendered. How will it cost me?" he asked. '"Abi 1000," was the answer. I think find a better use for the money," re Lord ritzwilliam, calmly. Anst He has all the minor vices, wh7ng. be a merit in the eyes of Lord tne field, and altboush not quite llaflrln Bismarckian level of atrehgth champagne aud porter mixedfQ not fall much below it; for4te aer champagne and porter iinver on the top ot it. He baj. sportsman, and can wriicate'subjecta As to beliefs, they tf the to touch ovon. But rted b the fo, toed will not oe scsth on Uie Er,iiw. lowing confession fa uM him: "Do pacy. A serious nthlt Liverpoo . you think my y UQllite much M quires BishoLorj Derby, but in a London repse d(lbt8 t0 wnether tone that Ieft ,uffitient. aiiTe to ln '"'.'(''"pi in general UUil J VI 1