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About The Eugene City guard. (Eugene City, Or.) 1870-1899 | View Entire Issue (Nov. 1, 1879)
) '? PP!, uiroi eidef makers 18 oi the anos and tbe North role. London, October 6th. The Coponha tfazcfc ays that the presence of Sir Alien Young, the well-known Arctic ex plorer at the Danish capital, is connected jth an idea proposed by a scientific .mmitteo of the International Meteoro logical Congress, which met at Hamburg j few days go, for the purpose of pro moting expeditions to the Arctio Seas. It was there suggested that an attempt be sado to approach the North Folo gridu jlv by means of a series of stations which should narrow the circle round the much coveted spot. Greenland be longs to Denmark, and it is known that the government intends to ask a con jiJerable vote toward defraying the ex penses of a Danish Arctio expedition, so M not to bo left too far behind by the Swedes. Rumor says that Sir Allen Yminir will be consulted with respect to the proposed expedition, which, if it is to be equipped at all, will shirt from some point in Greenland. As long ago as the winter of 1876 the idea of narrowing the circle around the pole was formulated in tho Herald. The scheme was that several vessels should be prepared adapted for the service; that supplies of every conceivablo kind should be gathered togothor, for not a mere single hibernation in some ico-iockou uay , but for a protracted siego of years in du ration; that a sunicient number oi men hfl enlisted for the undertaking, with un stinted bounties, and that a trusty leader be found to command the forlorn hope which was always to precede tho main body and mark out of its pathway. It was proposed that this advance guard should proceed on ships as far north as practicable and thon a permanent camp should be established amid perpetual ice. At intervals from this camp to the open Atlantic other camps were to be made on shore, if that were possible, and if not, vessels of supply were to bo stationed and a constant communication kept up between the innermost explorers and the outer world. The foremost camp should, as rapidly as possible, be mado a grand depot for men and supplies and employ ed as the base for northward advances. From its shelter there should bo a con stant pushing forward, and the establish ment of a cordon of depots as far north as should be indispensible to tho sup port and safety of the vanguard, who are to bo always on the move ahead, fast or slow, as they can, aud whose ranks are to be supplied right along with fresh men to replace tho broken down and sick. Up to Tricks. A humpod-shouldored old man, followed by a dog which seemed to have fasted for a year past, entered a Woodward avenue butcher shop the other day, and the man made some in quiries about the price of smoked hams. The butcher saw the dog, of course, and whoever saw a butcher who didn't want to know all about a dog? "Is that a good coon dog?" asked the butcher, as he patted the shy canine on the head. "Oh, no he's a trick dog," answered the owner. "Is, eh? What tricks can he do?" "Oh, a dozen or two. Ho has one very peculiar trick, though. Would yon like to see him do it?" "I would that. What is it?" The man directed the butcher to put a pound of nice beef steak on a sheet of clean brown paper and place the wholo on the doorstep. He then said to his dog, which hod w atched matters very keenly: "Now, Cato, I am about to call upon yon to perform a trick. You have never gone back on me yet, and I have perfect conlidence in you now. Cato, do you see that meat?" Cato saw it. Ho. walked over to it, seized it in his mouth, and as he went up the street it was hard to tell dog from dust. "Hum: yes!" muttered the butcher; "do you call that a trick?" "I do," confidently replied the man. "Well, it'B a blasted mean one!" "Just so just so," said the man. "You couldn't expect such a looking dog as that to bo around playing tricks on a guitar or a jewshorp, could von? I'll see you later about the hams. Detroit Free Tress. An Usurer's DoDOE.-"One of the most impudent usurer's dodges on record," says the London World, "has just been detected in Paris, and is now the subject of a thorough investigation at the hands of tho police. It seems that several young men had been ruined lately, in a very short space of time, by a company .which proceeded as follows: The 'Board of Di rectors' was always willing to advance money to any amount, at the shortest notice, and without inquiry fees or secu rity, to young fellows of good family who applied for it, their only rules being: 1. That the money should' bo paid at a given date, generally within six months, at an exorbitant interest. 2. That the borrower should sign a declaration to the effect that he had received the money as a deposit. It followed that, is case of non-payment, the unfortunate youth was amenable to the law as a swindler. From fear of an exposure he paid, or his family paid for him; and the usurers, being in league with several women of demi-monde, seem to have dnown no de pression of trade lately. Complaints havo lecn so numerous, however, that Dame Justice has stepped in." Editorial Happiness. If, as it is said, happiness consists in occupation of the mind, the average editor shonld le moderately content. With two men sit ting on his table, reading exchanges, a book agent whispering in his ear that he'll never get such a chance again be cause there wasn't but ono made, a boy or two hanging round the outskirts with a base ball item concealed about their persons, a compositor fainting away for a translation of some of his peculiar awful chirogaphy, a couple of patrons pressing him for a seven-dollar puff for a dollar and a onarter advertisement, and a ferocious-looking individual sitting just outside the door with a heavy weight cane, and a crumpled copy of the paper in his hand, waiting for "a chance to see him alone," the newspaper man may be said to be just in the suburbs of occupa tion, and threatening to be quite busy in time. &The exasperated New Haven Rcjitttr says: "An odorous perfume wafts across Connecticut every time there is a clam bake in Rhode Island and an east wind blowing. If that little finger of a State, can't keep its savory smells at home, a delegation will be sent down to roof it in, or else eat up the clams." French and torman Ariulis. Three years ago the Germany military party complained of the concentration of I rench troops on the eastern frontier, and endeavored to show that France was bent on the immediate recovery of Alsace Lorraine. The controversy on this sub ject, after having assumed a very alarm ing character, fortunately subsided, Ger many contenting herself with adding to the security of her newly acquired prov inces. In these circumstances it is not surprising that the French are following the present military operations on the Rhino with great interest. According to tho Krpnbliijue Frauaune, tho 15th tier man Army Corps, lying in Alsace-Lorraine, in composed of 41 battalions of in fantry, 43 squadrons of cavalry, eight batteries of mounted artillery, seven batteries of foot artillery, one battalion of pioneers, and ono battalion of mili tary train. Tho other army corps are composed of 25 battalions oi infantry, 25 squudrons of cavalry, 14 batteries of mounted artillery, three batteries of horso artillery, two batteries of foot ar tillery, ono battalion of pioneers and one battalion of military train. In infantry and cavalry the Fifteenth is far strongor than the otho array corps, aud it is said that its strength in held artillery will shortly bo raised. Alluding to tho cav alry, the correspondent of the Rrpubliqne Franeaise, writing from Strasbourg, says: In the event of a mobilization, the cavalry division of the Fifteenth Army Corps would furnish a regiment to each of the divisions of that army corps and would become an independent division six regi ments strong. To sum up, the Alsaee Lorraiue Army Corps contains three or four regiments of cavalry more than the majority of the army corps in Germany. This special organization is owing to strategical considerations, it being deemed indispensablo in the neighbor hood of our eastern frontier and the cav alry division of Lnneville to have a large number of squadrons." It must be ro membered that the French, in addition to their nineteen army corps, have half a dozen independent cavalry divisions, threo of which are quartered at Lune ville, and the other three at the camp of Chalons, which is also not far from tho frontier. It is interesting to remark that while the 15th German Army Corps, for reasons easily understood, is com posed of troops drawn from other army corps the 1st, 2d, 3d, 5th, 8th, Kith, 12th and 14th each furnish a regiment of infantry the same system holds good in France for tho Army of Taris, which is chiefly composed of strong detachments drawn from the 2d, 4th and 5th army corps. It may be added that what is called tho commandment of Taris con sists of an average of 70,000 men. Next in strength comes tho 14th army corps, headquarters Lyons, 35,000 strong; and the Gth army coqs, headquarters Cha lons (with detachments from 2d army corps) , 30,000 strong. Tho 1st and 7th army corps, with their headquarters at Lille and Besancon respectively, come next; ond all these troops are considered by Field-Marshal Von Moltke as within striking distance of tho new frontier. Sitting Bull to he Interviewed. On Monday last the Right Rev. Abbot Martin, Bishop of Dakota, left Helena for a visit over tho border to Sitting Bull's camp. The Bishop goes at the request and by the authority of the United States, to ascertain the views of tho noted chief in an answer to a request of the Government for his return upon American soil. At Fort Benton he will be joined by Colonel Macleod and other officers of the Mounted Toliee, who will accompany the Bishop to the Sweet Grass Hills, where the conference is to take place. Should Sitting Bull accept the terms of the United States Govern ment, it is thought that he and his fol lowers will return to their reservation immediately, or at least within thirty days. The conditions imposed by the Government, wo believe, are that Sitting Bull's band before returning to the United States are to be disarmed and to give up their horses, except what may be needed for agricultural purposes. An other condition is that they are to remain permanently on their reservation aud never to leave it without permission of tho Government. Bishop Martin ex presses the opinion that Sitting Bull himself Mill not submit to these terms, but that the majority of his followers will be glad to cut loose from their old chief and accept the situation. Montana Herald. Very Unsafe. "'You were in the war, then.Captuin McKillen?" "O yes, ma'am, yes ma'am, Fought all through it." "Is there not, she asked hesitatingly, "a great deal of danqcr in a battle?" "Well, yes," the eaptuin replied reflectively. "There is, there is. So many standing around, you know, and such handling of firearms, as is almost sure to occur during a battle, makes it very unsafe." Miss Lollipop shuddered, and then re sumed: "Are not some people severely injured at times?" "Yes," the captain said, "They are. I once had a friend who was hurt so badly that ho couldn't leave his room for several days." And then she said she thought there ought to be a law against them, and he said he believed the Legislature of Iowa contem plated passing some such law in its next session. And she said she was so glad. Badly Sold. A gentleman from this city who visited San Francisco to attend the Grant reception, saw one of the street cars coming down Clay street, and rushing into the crowd yelled out: "Get out of the way! The horses haye broken loose from a car and it is coming down the hill hand-over-fist, and some of these children '11 get killed yit." A bystander bet with him that the car would return as it came. The wager was taken and our friend, losing all his money, was ob liged to borrow sufficient to bring him home. Santa Roan Time. One of the saddest and most vexatious trials that come to a girl when she marries is that she has to discliarge her mother and depend npon a hired girl. Troy Time. But the saddest time for a new made husltand is when his wife doesn't discharge her mother, but takes her home with her. Vi'no-tpnth of the nnarrels of this life wonld be averted if we would never take the doubt against charity. Never expect an insult Men who go auoui looting for men to kick them are seldom disap pointed. Men who accept only the best inmr.ti4tion of everr act are sure to have always the best ae'ts to interpret. Sick Koorn hale. 1. Whenever you go to see a sick per son never take a brass band; brass bands are more or less exjensive. If, how ever, yon take a brass band with you, let each man play a different air, finishing up by "Tom 0"Shanter" on tho bass drum. It is best to have this last exe cuted in tho room directly underneath the sick chamber. 2. Always ring the bell as though you were trying to pull the back yard out by the roots. Continue this until you get seven or eight tire engines playing on the house. 3. If you can't get in by tho front way either knock out a window, or go up ou to the roof by the lightning rod. This latter plan will enablo you, if tho house is a frame ono, to kick all the boards loose and provide a matinee for thoso in side the house. After you have reached the roof, if you haven't strangled your self with profanity, cough np your false toeth and yell down the scnttle'for a step ladder. 4. Always bear a cheerful countenance. If you go into the sick chamber looking like a 35 cent chromo of a Pawnee ceme tery, it will bo apt to throw a damper ou the festivities. 5. Talk cheerfully. Commence by saying that the Asiatic cholera has started on a pleasure trip at reduced rates, and that the hoop business is quite brisk ; or, say that seventy-five tons of nttro glycerine began a business engagement near a circus in some place in New York, and that the authorities in all tho princi pal cities of the country have beeu tele graphed to wait on the remains as they arrive. 0. Talk as loud as you can, so thnt people in the next township will think a theological student, home on a vacation, is keeping his lungs in training. A few such rules as these kept in mind during a visit to a sick friend will be apt to prove beneficial, as it will inspire the patient with more will and a strongor de termination to live, and create a sort of vacuum in your family. Keokuk Con-vdtttUon. It is wonderful how many benevolent men we find who have no money. They feel for the cause of Christ, for the ne cessities of the poor, for the welfare of tho heathen and a thousand other good objects, but really they have nothing that they can give. Tliev havo lost so much, and property has depreciated so greatly, that they are restricted, and can not do as they would. But how was it when they had money ? Then they used it for themselves anil for their own ad vantage. When it is gono they are very willing to give it away, but while they had it, neither Goi nor man could loosen their grasp upon it. They proved themselves unfaithful stewards, ond havo been nut out of their stewardship. They now have the opportunity of being "faithful over a fow things," and if they are thus faithful, the Lord can make them rulers over many things. The les son for us all to learn is to do good while we can do it; while our hands is on tho plough is tho time to cut the fnr row. To-day we have the opportunity to do something for tho Lord. It may be our last opportunity; it may be our only one. Let us do while we can do; let us give while we can give; let us work while we can work. Tho night cometh wherein no work can be dono. "Withhold not good from them to whom it is due, when it is in the power of tliino hand to do it." Prov. 3-27. The Christian. Jessie Benton Fremont. Jessie Ben ton Fremont is in her Arizona homo un dertaking to mako better men and wom en of tho boys and girls growing up about her. In a private letter to a friend in Now York Bhe tells of her work thus: "It was a great pleasure to me to find thnt I could add to tho knowledge of theso young people; that I could make real and human to them names and nor personages; that I could link togothor ono event and one personality after an other until history became not a dry mass of names and dates and isolated events, but a connected and yet broadening stream of human effort. I cannot, of course, begin to tell you all I said to them, but tho thirty-two history talks I gave my Arizona flock of scholars each Friday of tho term after I joined them were a panorama of history as my father had taught mo to know it, as I had realized it in many a spot of classic ground in Europe, as reading had en riched it with personal belongings and lights, and as I had seen it made both in France and in our own great trial time. For this, when they would thank mo, I would tell them to thank my father. I acquired last winter a practical insight into the vast and spreading influence of the spoken word on receptive and will ing young minds. I have never dono any ono thing that gave me so much con tent in tho doing and tho remembrance. Madame Recamier. The First Consul was expected, and the elite of Paris early thronged the salons of the charm ing hostess, but where was Madame Recamier? "Souffrante," the murmur ran, retained to her bed by a sudden in disposition. She would, howeve, re reive her guests coucfie. The company passed to the bedroom of the lady, which, as still the custom in France, opened one of the principal salons. There, in a gilded bed, lay Madame Recamier, the most beautiful woman in France. The bed curtains were of the finest Brussels laee, bordered w ith garlands of hoiiey sncklc, and lined with sutin of the palest rose. The couvre pied was of the same material; from the pillow of embroidered eambric fell "des nots de Valencennes." The lady herself wore a peignoir trimmed with the most exqnisite English point. Never had she looked more lovely; never had she done the honors of her hotel more gracefully. And to she received Napoleon, so she received the budding heroes of the great empire. All admired her "fortitude," her "devoue ment," and thns sacrificing herself to society; and on the following day, "tout Paris e'est fait inscrire chez elle." Surely the art and artifice of toilet could go no'further, for every body is aware of the ethereal delicacy and loveliness oc casioned by a profusion of lace about one, and especially about the face. A young man never feels so mnch at a loss what to do as when he takes his girl to a picnic, a big ant crawls down her back and begins to Lite her just above the belt, and she begins to scream for help. "la Ureal Gals." At the ago of sixteen, before we had discarded our "roundabouts." we had contracted to "keep school" in District Number Five, for12 per month and "boarding round." We know very well tho little red school house, standing at the exact center of tho district, on the borders of a mighty swamp, the farm houses scatterod about the lulls, and wo also knew the nuisance of that particular school, a squad of half a dozen rough fellows who luul emerged into "tail coats," and would hardly relish the dis cipline of a boy-pcdngog'ue in a round about. After the first flush of elation at our election, the reflection came back, like a return wave of ice water, that in all human probability, ere onr seventeenth birthday should dawn, we should bo seen vanishing hod foremost out of the school house window into a snow drift, propelled by class Number One of the big boys. In our anxiety we applied to "Aunt Anna," the general oracle of the household. Aunt Anna was a stalwart maiden of sixty summers, gigantic in proportions, but every inch a lady in her dear old heart. She had nursed half tho children in town through mea scls, mumps and chicken-pox, and was the mainstay in all family emergencies. There were sly rumors that tho occa sional attacks of "fidgets" which over came the good old lady at night hud some relation to a mysterious black bot tle which she always carried in her work box; but Annt Anna, plus the "fidgets," was worth a regiment of feminities for the home-made uses of country life. "Well, now, you are really going to keep school in District Numlier Five," said Aunt Anna, smoothing down her big checked apron, and raising her spec tacles for a good, long look at the in cipient pedagogue, seated at tho oppo site corner of the fireplace. "Yes, Aunt Anna, 1 have promised to keep school, but between vou and me, I am dreadfully afraid to tackle that crowd of boys. You know what a rough set they are, and ono of them has already 'given out' that there will bo no board wanted in District Number Five after the first week." "That's a serious matter. Now, let's seo if we can't think of something to help you. Now, you see, I don't know anything about book larnin'. No doubt you eau cipher that back seat of boys into the middle of next week. But they can fling you over tho roof of the school liouso in a jiffy if they have a mind to. I know every family in tho district. I have missed in every house, and taken tho measnro of every youngster that will come to that school. There's one thing in your favor. Thuro'll bo ton great gals in that school, and most of 'em aro good gals, too. Now, some are a head taller than you, and two or threo of them aro right handsome, too. They can twist thnt crowd of great, bashful boys round their littlo fingers if they want to. Now, mind what I tell you; do you go riht to work and gain the affections of them ten groat gals, and they'll manago the great boys while yon keep school." that sounded well; and armod with this panacea against rebellion, we opened school tho Monday after Thanksgiving. It was a rough looking set up on tho high seats that row of villainous-looking fellows, and ono of them big enough to throw mo over into the big swamp with one hand! Happily our first boarding place was with two of the "great gals." Never did we "lay ourselves out" to gain tho good graces of tho lovely sex as during tho first week of that bourdiu' round. We rodo on the front of tho sled with tho tallest girl, played checkers with the second, got all snarled up in a "cat's cradle" with the pretty visiting cousin, and put in a word of explanation for the "hard sums" of all in the long evenings at home. The first crisis came at tho beginning of the second week, when a big lout "sauced" the new schoolmaster. Some how it crushed us, and for a minute the school-room swam round, and the idea of seizing our fur cap and making for home flitted across our vision. Just then tho patter of a light footstep was heard down the longslopo of the narrow aisle leading np to the seat of the "ten great gals." Tho tallest glided down, ostensibly to ask tho explanation of a hard sum; but ns we leaned over tho slate, with a dimuess in the eyes, wo heard a whisper in our ears: "Don't be cast down! We girls will shame thut seat of boys into good man ners lofore another week." A light broke in; wo were gaining tho "affections of tho ten great gals." So things drifted for six weeks, when dawned tho indKment duy. Wo had srone to board with a good, motherly wo man, who loves us as her own son. A big fire in the parlor greeted our arrival, and a supper fit for the parson himself. After teaour hostess appeared in horbest black silk, and in her hand a mighty black "ruler," and sat down before us with the air of a Jlinerva. "Now matters have come to a point in your school; you have been trying to govern that crowd of rascally boys by love, but that has come to an end. To morrow they'll try to put you out. Take this ruler, and don't come home to-morrow night unless you have used it up over the head and shoulders oi some body." There was no appeal from that. A greater than the whole class of "great mils" had spoken, and we felt in our . .. x i: l .1 I SOlli luai luie wan Dimming ui wir whwi honse door. Were we endowed with the epic rage cf a Homer or a Poje, we might iwssi bly depict the scenes of the coming day. How the ngliest loafer, in a frock coat, kicked in the door at recess; how, when the trembling young master asked "who did that?" the big boor lifted his thumb to his nose and executed that significant gyration with the littlo linger which would make a savage of St John him self; how, fired with the courage of des pair, and a vision of our farm-house Minerva, we seized the big oaken ruler, rushed op the inclined plane, upsetting several small children, on the insolent scoundrel, tore the collar off his frock coat, snaked him down the area before Ihe fire-place, and beat him over the head and ahonlders till be roared for mercy; how at intervals he cast a glance at his accomplices and took in the situa tion; the "ten great gals" had spiked the guns of all but this wretch, who slunk and begged under our hand how we wound up with an eloquent address, and gave tho whipped ruffian his hat, with instructions to go home; how his sensi ble father took oil what remained of his dilapidated frock coat and tro.inced him till he yelled again, and sent him to school the following day with a compli ment to the plucky voung master; all this might lie snug in heroic verse. But, if tho truth were known, it was not we, but the "ten great gals" that did tho business. They hud so demoralized tho attacking columns by the magic of their charms that only one had the heart to defy the little muster, mid he dared not lift his hand when the day of battle came. And from that day wo crowned dear old Aunt Anna prophetess of love. (ain the affections of the "ten great gals" in your school-room, "and all things shall work together for good." Journal of KdvcatUni. A rrniN Care ok Plants. It is high time that house plants that have been kept out of doors during the summer be protected from tho chill evening air. All tender plants, as begonias, the ten dor cacti, mescmbrv-anthomnms, pepcro mias, calla, epiphillum and all those classes ot plants, siiouid not Pccome chilled at night. Geraniums, ngeratuins. lantauus, fuchsias aud all that class will not injure short of actual frost, but care should be taken that no plant intended for the house should bo exposed to strong winds. When tho weather is blustering, it is better that they be re moved indoors, putting them out again upon tho recurrence of lino weather. Avoid, above all, to allow them to lie dreuched by cold, chilling rains. What ever tho temperature of the room during the day, it should not fall below 42 de grees at night, nor should the night tem perature really go much below 00 de grees, une of the very worst things for plants is to allow a direct draft of cold uir to strike them from the outside. Change tho air of the room by allowing it to enter through another apartment. Do not water except when the plants need it. This may soon bo estimated pretty correctly by the si.o of the pots and the nature of the plants. Porous leaved plants rcuniro moro water than firm leaved ones. All tho cacti tribo require but littlo water in winter. The smaller the pot the oftener it will re- iiuro water. It is better that tlio plants sometimes show signs of drooping than to keeii them drenched. If the soil is kept full of water, the plants aro sure to sicken, for this is one of the reasons that water should never bo kept in saucers under tho pots, except in minute quan tity, and not so deep ns to reach the earth in tho pots. 'Ihe soil will absorb too much by capillary attraction, and the very act of this absorption and evapora tion will keep the soil cold, and it will become ultimately sour. One of the greatest disabilities to house plants is the dust from the building of tires, the constant passing to and fro, and especially from sweeping. If yon have a bay window, the plants may easily be protected from dust at such times by means of curtains, to bo drawn. If not, a curtain or cloth should be used for covering. This with an occasional sponging with tepid water as to tho firm and smooth-leaved plants, aud tho rising of soft and downy ones, with au occa sional showering with a fine rose pot or plant syringe, should keep them in good condition. Prairie Farmer. A Persian's Wit. The cholera, which has mado such havoc during the past twelvo months, both among the Anglo Indian troops and their opponents, is an object of superstitious terror throughout tho whole East. Many of the wilder tribes believe it to be a malignant spirit attaching itself to tho steps of somo man marked by fate for that purpose, who carries destruction wherever ho goes, while ho himself is unhurt. This strange fancy which probably arises from the fact that tho pestilence has more than once crossed Western Asia at a slow and measured rate, as if really attending tho daily march of its supposed bearer has naturally proved futid to many a foreign traveler, in whom popu lar superstition had seen tho bringer of the curse. 'On ono occasion, however, the ready wit of a Russian explorer turn ed this peril to an actual safeguard. On reaching tho first villago beyond tho Persian border, tho inhabitants of which were notorious as brigands, ho boldly avowed himself as bringer of tho cholera. "See," he cried, holding np a small flask, "tho cholera spirit is in this flask, and shall remain there so long as you treat mo well; but let ono of you offend mo in any May, and I will let it loose to sweep you all' from the face of the earth." The terrified Persians fully believing his as sertion, tried to avert tho threatened danger by studied courtesy, providing him with everything he required, and actually sending several of their nnmbor with him as an escort, whose extrava gant stories spread the terror of his namo so effectually that ho was treated with the greatest resjicct so long as he remain ed in the country. Ex. Bartlett Pears. Caused. First pre pare a syrup; allow one pint of water and a quarter oi a pound oi wnue sugar to every quart of pears; drop each piece as it is pared into tho clear cold water this is done to keep them from changing color; when tho syrup has come to a hard boil, drop in the fruit carefully, so as not to bruise; boil nntil they look clear, and can be easily pierced with a fork; have your cans rolled in hot water; fill them with the scalding fruit to over flowing; keep them on the fire all tho while and seal. Common jxiors reqnire different treutment; they must ln boiled in water until tender, then boiled ten minutes in the syrup ls-fore canning. A little boy told his grandmother to turn down a leaf in the family Bible every time he told a lie. At the end of the week tho old lady asked him how many licr he had told during the seven days. He silently handed her the holy Isjok. She turned page after page, and at length said angrily: "Why, yon little brat, you've lied all the way from Gene sis to Revelations, ami half nay through the Psalms." "Will the angels come down for me with a chariot ami horses when I die? asked a little loy of his Snnday School teacher. "I guess if you're a real good bov." said the teacher. The little fel lows eyes sparkled with anticipation as he eagerly exclaimed: "Andoli! do yon think they'll let me sit on the front seat and drive?" Country llnielaKccle, St RAMiiLF.D Eous. Take nine parts of eggs and one part of good oil lard. If suspicious of the health of any of the eggs give them tho Wneflt of the doubt and put them in with the rest. Then turn into a skillet which has previously held fried mackerel, and scramble them with a potato-masher. Fry nntil tough or thoroughly iuiprei'rr.'ed n tt' '" 'W'-.oil and lard; add a little of tl.e .;" -ookod . egs which :vma'n in tin pin to kivo them a fresh app waiice; set ill a place to cool, and fhcu serve. HTKA't. Catch a bull and cut off a piece so near his horns that you can smell powder. Pound in the morning lo fore J eo do are out of bed; hang it up in the Sun to get tender, and fry for sup per. l!e-!r for breakfast. Fry again for supper, an, I so on ml lib., until the steak gets di."in aged. Cooked in this man ner, it v'll provoke such flashes of in tellect i.s wo heard ono morning, and which v jot down as illustrative: "I'm only eating this for exercise." "Istlii.i tough!" Certainly it's tough," was replied. "I'd lilie to have enough of this to make a target of, "etc. Corn Cakes. Take unbolted oat-meal ten cups full; add one slop-bucket full of water; two spoons full of coarse salt, and threo quarts of buttermilk. Stir, cook until they are black -and-tan, and set in a cool place until clammy. They will 1m found to have a tartness that no other method can supply. Cokkkk a la Meh Atlantiqvk, Take a good deal of water, and throw in coffee grains, sav a handful, and some "ex tract." Boil until it changed color. Wheeling Louder. SHOUT ?TE.H. A humor comes fiVnn Paris that bon nets aro to bo worn on the head hero after. A new felt hat recently purchased by Mr. Evarts is believed to supply a long felt want. Memory Would be the sweetest of all blossinga'if wo only had bright moments to remember. "I'll join yon presently," said the min ister to the young couple, ns ho went for the church key. The school-boys in California, when asked "How is the earth divided?" un swer, "By earthquakes." "Gorhamighty!" is tho alarmed cry of those Republicans who hear tho grief that George is coming back. The nights in Zulnland aro descrilied as cool. The English, however, found tho climate warm enough. The biggest fool in the world is dead. He told his mother-in-law she lied. She did it with her little skillet. Judges at baby shows in Kentucky wear masks. It saves unpleasantness after tho prizes havo beeu awarded. "How to act in a sick room.'.' Don't act in a sick room. If you must act, join a dramatic company or hire a hall. Mr. Sullivan, of Starkville. Miss., in tends to turn loose his newly-invented flying-machine on the 1st of Novemlter. Tho telegrams which the ex-khedivo sends off from his Italian residence are currently reported to cost him $100 day. When yon see a young gentleman es corting a young lady with suspicious regularity, you can bet on that walking match. Any man who can swap horses or ketch fish and not lie about it is iust about as pious as men ever get to lie in this world. A Sunday school boy, upori boing asked what made the tower of Pisa lean, replied, "Because of the famine in tho land." . ' What is the difference between a farmor and a bottle of whisky? One hus bands tho corn imd t,0 0ther corns the husband. ' A wag who had lent a minister a horso that had run away and thrown the olergy-' man, claimed credit for spreading tho gospel. "No',' said Paperwate, explaining "I wasn't really mad when the old man drove me from tho house, but I must say I felt put out." "Talk about the jaws of death!" ex claimed a man who hod a termagant wife. "I tell you they're nothing to tho jaws of lifo." "What is wisdom?" asked a teacher of a class of small girls. A bright-eved lit tlo creature arose and answered, ''Infor mation of the brain." A newly-manned eouplo can always bo "spotted by their baggage. They aro sure to cany a pail of tmnks and a pair of traveling bags. What mnstBrigham Young's feelings have l)cen on his death-bed when be thought of all his thirty-six young and artless widows marrying again? Because a girl refused him, an Ohio man attempted suicido. The silly fool never stopped to consider that no woman wants to marry a dead man. It is a singular fact that a man who is second in command at home always wants tortile the whole of creation when he gets outsido his gate. An exchange says that Pennsylvania Drtch girls make good preserves. But it doesn't say how much sugar you take to a jHiund of Dutch girl, nor how long you let 'era boil. . Tho other day a teacher asked an nn regenerate pupil wkat the gender of a certain noun was. The pupil quickly re plied: "I think it is neuter, sir. At any rate it is neu-ter-mo." A little girl had a representation of "Moses in the Bulmshes'' in her picture Wik, "Here, grandma," said she inno cently, "is a picture of Jesus in tho huckleberry bushes." When the Princess Helen was born it was told tho Princess Royal that she had got a young sister. "O, that is delight ful!" cried the innocent royalist, "do let me go and tell mamma." It may lw well for Victoria Woonhnll at once to nnderstand that we do not propose to have for President any ono married to an English nobleman. Ono or the other must lie dropped. A Critical 8umiestios. When the stern old Scotch warrior said "The hand of Douglas is his owr," wss it in resjonM to an insinuation that he held a psir of aces that didn't belor.g to him. Cincin nati Saturday Night. i,